01x06 - Street Up

[bunniefuu]

private eyes Cut germs and viruses down

to sides Busy defending all the nerve

endings

They

got

From the tip of the nose to the behind,

they're the protectors of the city of

Hector.

I'm looking to get into the Seba oil

refinery. They say that you're the

virus who can make things happen

fast. What do you want with that much oil?

I'm on acne bacteria, man. With enough

oil, I'll become the zit of epic

proportions. I'll power over the

forehead. I'll be the king high slamming

zit of all time.

Settle down, Jack. OK, I can get you in

there for the right price.

Come on down. The price is right.

Now, one little thing. It's gotta happen

by tomorrow. TomorrowNo.

No can do. Book, book. Ah, here we go.

How about four days from now?

If four days from now is another way of

saying tomorrow, then we're in business.

Sorry, pal, but I have to stick to my

calendar. Why's it gotta be tomorrow

anyway?

Why tomorrow?What's tomorrow?

Yearbook picture day! Well, we'll have to

get you a new outfit. You don't want

anything to spoil your perfect picture.

Yeah, I figured-- I mean, a yearbook

picture lasts forever. All it takes is

one bad one. Just one.

And you'll regret it for the rest of your

life! Um, did you have a

bad yearbook picture experience, Mom?I

never should have worn that white

lipstick.

Hey,

what it is! My man! Look

who's in the house!

What up, dog?

One and

two and one. Hey,

you cool. Let's grab a table.

So listen, listen, listenSo I said,

fondue?I hardly know you.

Oh, you're k*lling me! You ever heard of

a guy named Ringworm?Yeah,

Yeah well, he's got the best botulism

this side of the pelvis. I don't see him

around much since HPD put up that

thousand carb reward for him, though. Any

idea where I can find him?Hey, what's

with all the questions about Ringworm?

Some kind of cop. A cop?Me?

No, me?No, me and my partner are putting

together a crew to, uh, to

hold up the blood bank. Ah,

sounds interesting. But where is this

partner?See, 'cause I gotta check him out

before I call Ringboy. He should be here

any sec.

Howdy, ma'am. Yippee ki-yay

ki-do. Sir. Sir,

I wonder if perchance any of you high

school non-achievers are familiar with a

fellow by the name of Ringworm?

Y'all?I

think they're buying it. Give me four,

five.

I'll tell Ringworm some really short

guys were looking for him. We're not so

short. Yeah, you will be, after I

jump up and down on yous for a couple

hours.

Look, it's the Backbone Boys. Really?

Oh, my, I do so enjoy their airy

harmonies. Run!

Ohh That was a close call. What

do you think gave us away?

Man, we could have got slaughtered. All

'cause you ain't got no street cred.

Ain't is not a word, and I have plenty of

street credibility. Listen, Wild Bill

Bonehead, you are officially off this

case until you get streetwise. Huh, and

trust me, you ain't never gonna get

streetwise.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a worm

to find.

Oh, I simply can't believe. Oh,

I'll show you who's wise in the street.

Sometimes Ozzie makes me so

angry.

Yo, I am Osmosis Jones. I

think I am so street.

Eight, eight, eight. Ozzie may have a

point, Trixie. There are a lot of things,

but street just ain't one of them.

If I can graduate Phi Beta capsule from

an Ivy League Petri dish, then I can

certainly learn to be St. After all, how

difficult can it be to master a few

simple slang terms?I already know okie

dokie and neato.

All I need is a teacher. And where are

you going to find one?The University of

the Street?Actually, yes.

My heart is hurting

better, can't you see?I'm gonna need more

of your vitamin E. My love is strong, it

just won't quit. I wanna see how our

chromosomes fit. If you should say my

rap's okay, I'll wrap around you like

DNA, DNA, DNA. Get out of here!

This drink seems sufficiently streakish.

I'm looking to get into this sebum oil

refinery. But it's gotta be by tomorrow.

It's gotta. Well, that urban gentleman

sounds very street indeed.

You germs think you're off the hook, but

you ain't nothing but a bunch of eat-up

old stinky foot scabs. Excuse me,

sir. I didn't do it. Whatever you think I

done, I didn't do it. Relax, good

citizen. I am not here to apprehend you.

Although I'm fairly certain that sport

coat constitutes disturbing the peace.

So, uh, what do you want?I need your

help, and I'm prepared to pay.

How does 100 carbs sound?

Hmm, sounds great! Uh, so what do

I gotta do?Teach me to be straight.

Oh, you gotta be yanking my chain. I

assure you, I would not under any

circumstances yank any part of you.

Man, why you want to be street?A guy your

size don't need attitude. You could go

anywhere where nobody mess with you.

Yeah, you could go anywhere. Excuse

me?No, nothing. Okay, dog,

I'll teach you everything I know, on one

condition. Anything. You got to do

what I say, no questions asked. You

question me, and we're done. You get it?I

got it. All right, meet me at this

address at six for your first lesson. Oh,

why can't we start now?Was that a

question?No, I-- Because it sounded like

a question. I didn't-- At six. Right.

Yay! That

big old Boy Scout is gonna get me all the

oil I need, and he won't even know he's

doing it.

Hector, you are mine.

Hey,

handsome. HmmWhy don't you tell old

Osmosina where she could find a sailor

named Ringworm?Jones, I wanted

to let you know I'll never blow your

cover again. Good luck catching

Ringworm. Huh

Crank call!

Yo, man, what it is?Um, was that a

question or a statement?I don't know. Is

that a head or a lemon?Man,

we gotta work on your look. What is

wrong with my look?No questions, remember?

Ooh Here, try this on.

No!

No

No

Ah, I think we have a winner. Mmm,

mmm.

Okay, lesson two, attitude.

Give me your toughest look. That ain't

tough. Give me tough. A

little better again.

One more time.

Now that's what I'm talking about, dawg.

You got it. But I should think this

attitude would frighten people. Hey, you

want to be street or you want to be

boulevard?Oh, right. Sorry. Meet

me at this address tomorrow morning for

Nuss and Tree and work on your grouse.

Oh, yes.

Ricks, where are you?Hey,

Jones, you seen Trixie?No, but he

blew my cover last night without even

being there. So, I thought I'd spend this

fine morning turning him inside out and

dipping him in corrosive enzymes. Huh

Hang on. HuhLooks like Drix is out

learning street smarts from someone

named... does I say Smooch?Looks more

like... Smirch. Smirch?

What got an APB out of him?He's an acne

bacterium with a record as long as your

mitochondria. Come on, we gotta find Drix

before he gets himself in trouble.

Hello there.

Oh, OK, you you one

bad pill. Now that you can walk the

walk, it's time to talk the talk. OK,

St. vocabulary can be a little confusing

at first. For instance, whack means

bad. Oh, I like that.

Vile reprobate. You are wack.

But bad means good. Like when I say

you are one bad pill. You're actually

saying I'm good. Exactly. Oh,

and here's a new one. Freeze means hello.

Freeze. Yeah, it's like saying we

cool. When you say it, you got to do the

handshake. Now follow my lead.

ohh Then you end it by holding your hand

up like this. You start doing that,

and your street cred will go through the

roof, man. Oh, I will, I will

Hey, I got an idea. You see that guy over

there?Mm-hmmHe's a friend of mine. Go

practice your new street cred on him.

Isn't he a security guard?Nah,

that's typical street fashion. Last year,

the mailman look was big. This year, it's

the guard look. Oh. Here, I, uh, put some

phrases and their street translations on

this card. And don't forget your

growls.

Ah

Hey, what?No, don't!

Freeze! Hey, I'm not off.

Let's see. I'm not armed means I want to

be your friend. Oh, very nice. And how do

I say I want to be your friend too?

Don't move, buddy, cuz I got you in my

sights. Yeah, I'm

just going in to say hi. Yeah, I mean

freeze to a friend of mine. Okey dokey.

Calling all cars. Calling all cars.

Assaulted forehead in vain. Suspect

unidentified. But witnesses report

refreshing. Cherry scent.

Yes, but you see, in street slang, I'll

bite your head off means we should get

together sometime. That's funny, 'cause

in cop slang, you're under arrest

means you're under arrest.

No, it's all just a misunderstanding.

Drix, where is this smirch guy?Oh, hello,

Ozzy. He went in there. Did you

say smirch was an acne bacterium?Yeah,

but what?

Freeze, sleaze!

No!

Run! Run!

Just so Hector doesn't have anything

important he has to look good for today.

Not on

Sid, not on yearbook

picture day. Yearbook picture

day?

The forehead is mine. Soon the entire

face will follow. Then the neck, then the

back, maybe parts of the buttocks.

Where was I?Oh, yeah. If

we don't find a way to shrink him, he'll

pop and spread his infection to the whole

forehead. Mom!

Are you OK?No. I've got the zit to

end all zits. Oh, it can't be that bad.

Let me see.

Sweet mother of heaven. You think you're

hilarious, don't you?How

you doing, big fella?I feel awful.

None of this would have happened if I had

been more street smart to begin with. But

you're smart, smart Driggs. Come on. I

bet somewhere in that big head of yours,

you know a way to absorb that oil.

Certainly, but where would we get... It's

toothpaste. We need a hemocopter.

We've got to get to the mouth right now.

I don't care if it's Sergeant Colon's

birthday party. I need backup right now.

Cheese, can you call me a hemocopter?No,

but I call you a butthead. This is all

your fault.

Smurge could pop any second. You want to

sit here and watch or you want to do

something?Do our. All

right, get me a hemocopter. Stat.

Where to, Drex?Try to hover near that big

motor over there.

We have to suck up as much of that

toothpaste as we can. What, are we going

to beat Smurge with our dazzling smiles?

Just do it.

So dude, what's with the lid?You

got a giant zit or what?Maybe I just like

wearing my cap like this, huhYou ever

think of that?Maybe I'm making a fashion

statement. The only statement you're

making is welcome to Mount Zitmore.

Hold on to this strap. What are you going

to do?I'm going to zap a zit.

Fools. You can't stop me now. Eat,

taste, venenous bacterium.

Minty fresh. Laugh while you can, but

that toothpaste contains baking soda, and

baking soda absorbs oil.

Nice try, but that ain't nearly enough to

absorb me, Chump. He's right. I can't

hump it fast enough. Maria, hover

directly over him. What are

you doing?I am Emperor

Smurf, rover of the forehead. Maria,

on three, I want you to get out of here

as fast as you can. One,

two,

three!

I'm melting! Ohh I'm

such a mess! Look at what you've

done to me!

School policy, no hats in yearbook

photos, no matter how big your zit is.

It's gone. No zit?

Poor Drix. We can only

hope he's relieving cold and flu symptoms

in a better place. He was brave.

The bravest. Yeah, he wasn't

so bad. For an over-the-counter

medication, you know. Man, if I had the

chance... I'd tell him he was the best

partner a cell could have.

Excuse me, who are we talking about?Hey!

Oh, Drex! Drex! Oh,

man, I thought you were a goner. Yes,

well, thank goodness for my protective

coaties. Hold it right

there.

First one who laughs gets a big bite out

of his ankle. You may have

beaten me for now. Hey, hey, hey, hey

But Hector is a teenager, and it's only a

matter of time before Acme wins out.

Soon, the day of the sick will be athand.

Give it a rest, shorty. Hey,

you know, maybe someday I'll be as smart

as youSay, you think you can teach me

some of your book smarts?Certainly. To

begin, E equals MC squared. No way.

Yes, and for every action, there is an

equal and opposite reaction. Get down

with your bad set.

If it's among us, they don't want to be

rash. Even if it's humongous, they'll fix

it in a blast. Cellcomino squirts, hit

some nerves. Trying to protect him, they

almost wrecked him. Looking good, like a

bad cell should. Like a bad cell should.

Looking good, like a bad cell should.

With the cells in the hood. Looking good,

like a bad cell should. Like a blood cell

should. Looking good, like a bad cell

should. With the cells in the hood.