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01x05 - Oh, My Dog

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Ozzy & Drix". Aired: September 14, 2002 – July 5, 2004.*
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Centers on Osmosis "Ozzy" Jones, a cheeky-chappy white blood cell, and Drix, a level-headed cold pill, who battle germs and viruses inside the body of teenage boy Hector Cruz.

01x05 - Oh, My Dog

Post by bunniefuu »

On behalf of the Assimilation Committee,

I welcome you to the city of Hector, Mr.

Pauly. Call me Pauly. All right,

Pauly. Hector is a small city, but we're

growing fast, or we will be once

puberty kicks in. Little things get big.

Yes, that's right, Polly.

Now, this is the address of

our Department of Employment. They'll

find you a job. It's in a germy

area, so be careful, okay?

Germy area. Be careful. Germy area.

Sweet guy. I hope he's going to be OK.

Hello. Well, well, what do we

got here?Some kind of virus?

What are you crazy?It's a bacterium.

Hey, I know how we can find out.

Open it up and see what's inside.

Little things get big. HuhWhat's

that supposed to mean?Let me demonstrate.

Nice city. Think I'll

destroy it.

private eyes But germs and viruses down

the side Busy defending all the nerve

endings They got just the

nerves

in the birds

Keep it insane

Like a little fashion, like a little

fashion... Ozzie and Drick,

Ozzie and Drick Inside the

body and mind From the tip of the nose to

the behind Different protectors of the

city of Hector Ozzie and Drick So

then she asks if I want to kiss her. So

did you?Duh, I'd rather kiss that

dog. Dog?

Whoa, Hector! That was totally Tony Hawk!

For about 0.8 seconds, then you turned

into my dad. Hey, give me a

chance to breed. It's a cool dog. I

wonder whose it is. No collar or

anything. I guess he's a stray. Ohh

Hector, my man, looks like you got

yourself a free dog. Score!I'm gonna

call him Uno. Okay,

why?'Cause he's number one.

Uh, well, don't look now, but I think he

just did number one on your shoes.

Uno! Ew,

you shouldn't let him lick your face like

that. You'll get, like, ugh, dog germs.

Don't be stupid, Travis. There's no such

thing as dog germs.

This thing was big, eh10

centimeters easy and that face. Like

your worst nightmare. Hey, look, I took a

snapshot. My, you

must have used a very wide angle lens.

Yeah. Oh, wait, that's my girlfriend.

Here, hereOh, my. Dang, that thing

is big. I'm talking zip big. You

got to do something. He's tearing up the

whole boardwalk. This is the worst thing

to hit muka speech since last year's

sinus headache. Why'd you call the cops?I

did. But every time they showed up, the

monster disappeared like it was never

even there. They think I'm some kind of

weirdo. We'll stop this creep for you,

Mr. Flu. Our rate is 100 carbs a day,

plus expenses. I'll give you



boogers. Deal. Ooh, look,

Ozzy. There's a booger boy playing catch

with his schnotzer. Doesn't that give you

a warm feeling inside?Yeah, I always

get a warm feeling right before I hurl.

Come on. Oh, I always wanted a little

pet to play with. Well, if you're lucky,

maybe you'll get a great big monster.

What I don't understand is how something

that big could vanish without a trace.

There's only one answer, Drix. It's an

allergy. Allergies are triggered by

allergens. And the thing about allergens

is, one minute they look normal, and the

next, they're Jabosaurus Rex. Let's split

up, see what we can find.

Hey, buddy. You seen anything around here

that looks like this?

Little things get big. Right. Hmm,

big feet mean big toes.

All right, whoever is hiding there,

reveal yourself.

Hello, little fellow. Where did you come

from?And I was thinking, maybe you

and me could spot each other. Spot

yourself, I'm done.

Ozzie, look.

I found a pet. I found a pet. So

naturally, you figured you'd smear his

drool on my face.

Get your nose out of there.

Hey, that's our bonus me.

Dander released.

Dander. Oh, that's what I named him.

And I'm going to buy him fancy colors and

I'm going to smother him with love and

affection forever and ever and ever.

Oh, look, he even knows tricks.

OK, Dander, lay dead.

Thunder, play osmosis!

Yo, your dog's making fun of me! Tell him

to knock it off! Seriously,

man, cut it out! I ain't playing

with you! I said,

stop it!

Now what's he doing?

Thunder, what's wrong?We're on a case,

man, and this ain't bring your dog to

work day.

Thunder!

Where'd he go?

Thunder here, boy. Let him go, man.

Please. Please

tell me that was your stomach.

Can I go just one week without being

attacked by a giant monster?

Prix, do something. I'm

looking for a freeze capsule.

Dehydration capsule. Hair removal

capsule. Oh, a pudding capsule. Forget

the pudding. Oh, here it

is. Oh,

no. Here.

Ozzy, the creature has two thumbs.

That's strange. Standard, no,

noFun, doggy.

You okay?Little things

get big. Anybody ever tell you your

conversational skills could use a little

work?Little things get big.

There, thereIt's okay.

Well, at least now we know what the

allergen is. We do?

Of course we do. It's the dog.

The tracks led right to it. But he can't

be.

Can he?

Oh, come on, Mom. He doesn't have any

tags or anything. Can I keep him?Can I

keep him?Can I?Oh, I don't know.

Don't make me do the lip quiver.

Look, here's the lip. Three,

two, one.

Oh, all right. But if you don't take good

care of him, I will. I promise.

Let's go, Uno.

You never let me have a dog. You never

wanted a dog. Well, I want one now.

Great. Then you can help Hector take care

of Uno.

Oh, I hate mom logic.

What is that?Sneezing

fit.

And that was just a stage two allergy

attack. You know what happens at stage

three?Hair loss?Dry heaves?

No. All us white blood cells go haywire

and start sticking to the allergen,

making it bigger and bigger. It's bad

news, Drix. It can even be fatal.

Jones, I should have known you'd have

something to do with this mess. Yeah,

well, you also should have known that

mustache make you look like a walrus. But

there you go. How about you boys lay off

the macho junk and we figure out what

happened here?Oh, I can tell you what

happened. Allergy attack. Big one.

Allergy, huhAny sign of the allergen?

Ozzy, no.

Sorry, Drix. It's for the good of Hector.

We followed the allergen's tracks. They

led right to that dog.

Right. We'll take it from here.

But it it isn't his fault.

Wait. Hey, you

can visit him in jail. We don't like

dangerous animals up, Jones. We dissolve

them. Take them to the stomach, acid

boys. Oh!

Dander!

I'm so sorry, boy. Drix,

I didn't know. Oh, I'm sorry. Are you

laboring under the delusion that I will

ever speak to you again?Well, allow me to

correct that. Good f*ck

Drex! You had to do

it, Jones. Yeah, I guess. I

still feel lower than foot fungus.

Poor baby. Mom, I'm



Hector, I'm afraid you're allergic

to the dog. Allergic?No, hey,

I'm totally fine.

I'm sorry, Hector, but it looks like

we'll have to get rid of Uno. No! My

friend Sue does animal rescue. I'll call

her tomorrow. Don't worry. She'll find

him a good home.

Hey, hey, heyI heard you led the cops

right to the monster. Way to go, buddy.

Hey, let me get you a double cheese

booger. Whatever. Ah, it's the

least I can do. That'll be

$3.50. I can't eat this thing. You want

it?It's good to eat things, yeah. Oh,

it's you again. Yeah, it's good to eat...

two thumbs. You're the allergen!

You say that like it's a bad thing.

What is

going on here, Jones?Yo, figure it out.

It's a stage three attack. Ozzie, we got

to get out of here, you boys.

What's happening?They're white blood

cells. The allergens making them go nuts.

How come you ain't going nuts?Because, my

wide friend, I am a muscle cell. We are

made of tougher stuff.

Oh no, Anzia and Maria, they're stuck.

Freeze capsule. Freeze capsule. That's

where that was.

Note to self do not take

eyes off of giant monster.

Get your ice cold ice curbs! We got

snack fudge sundaes!

We got a big giant monster thingy!

This could work!

OK, Allergen, time to get

frosty.

Oh, technology, you are a fickle

goddess.

Dandy.

Thank goodness you're all right.

All right, who's been playing rugby with

my head?Come on, Dander can help us track

the allergen. We got to find it before it

goes to stage three again. Can't I

just stay here and die peacefully?

Looks like it went in the nose. It

must be considerably smaller now.

Nose grottos give me the creeps.

What you afraid of?Snot goblins?

That was a joke, right?I mean, there's no

such thing as snot goblins, right?

What is it?Which way did he go?

Something doesn't feel right.

There's

gotta be something in here. That's it.

What are you doing?Triggering a sneeze.

Come on.

Hang

up,

Dander. Hold on to

me.

Got you, Dander.

Dander. Release.

Adios, Joe.

What up, dog?

ohh Look what your dad brought home,

Hector. Aren't they nice?

Hector, you've got pollen all over your

heart. Yeah, I fell in some flowers and

weeds of junk on the way home. Honey,

you're allergic to pollen, not the dog. I

am?Does that mean, yes, you can

keep it?No!

Come on, Ozzie, don't you want to play a

little catch?I'd love to, Trix,

but your dog buried me again. Would

you stop that already?

Come on, buzz off, hoop!I mean it.

I ain't playing with you.

When there's a fungus among us, they

don't want to be rash. Even if it's

humongous, they'll fix it in a blast.

Cell comeno swerves, hit some nerves.

Trying to protect him, they almost wreck

him. Looking good, like a bad cell

should. Like a bad cell should. Looking

good, like a bad cell should. Put the

cells in the hood.