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02x12 - Nature Calls

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Ozzy & Drix". Aired: September 14, 2002 – July 5, 2004.*
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Centers on Osmosis "Ozzy" Jones, a cheeky-chappy white blood cell, and Drix, a level-headed cold pill, who battle germs and viruses inside the body of teenage boy Hector Cruz.

02x12 - Nature Calls

Post by bunniefuu »

Cut germs and viruses down to size

They'll see the bending all the nerve

endings They got

busting nerves

Hurry it

up, guys. I want to be at the river by

noon. Hector, your cousin is so cool for

taking us. Yeah, white water rafting

rules. I'm so stoked. I'm not even

bringing my video games. Wow, Jimmy.

You're going a whole weekend without Bone

Crusher 4?I can do it.

Something wrong?Just a weird pain.

There, now. That looks right or

finical-like, boys.

Uncle Billy Blob, why are we pitching up

this here roadblock?To drum up business

for my appendix large, Bubba Baw.

Oh, right.

We don't get it. You're dumber than swamp

mud. Now listen up, boys. You see, this

here bypass is a straight shot from the

big intestine to the small one. That's

why no one ever stops at the lodge. But

this here detour's gonna change all that.

Just you wait. Our lodge is gonna be

fuller than a bow full of bees.

They're just as noisy.

I did that. Stupid, noisy.

Oh, Ozzy, what are you doing down there?

Let me guess. You're going camping.

Wrong. I'm not going camping. We

are. Don't you remember?I've had it on

the calendar. Camping?Me?Do I

look like I belong in the woods?I'm a

city cell! The mean streets of Hector is

my habitat! But I've been

planning this since before Hector's

puberty. That was last week!

Ozzy, you... promised.

Ohh It's just for the weekend, right?Oh,

you're going to love it! Besides, I asked

Maria to join us, and I can't go on a

canoe trip alone with her. What if we run

out of things to talk about?You were in

that pill bottle a long time, weren't you?

Ah, Pelvis National Park. Just look

at that cartilage formation. Ah, yes,

there's nothing like getting away from it

all. You know I agree. Are you sure those

straps are tight enough?Stop. Any tighter

and my arms will fall off. Man,

did anyone pack a back brace?

The first rule of the Bile Scout manual.

Watch where you step. Second

rule. Never leave the city. Ha

ha. Let's go. Bladder Falls is directly

ahead. I thought I

smelled something. Maria,

you should really angle your paddle at 45

degrees. Ozzie, grip the shaft closer

to the blade. Don't lean on the gunnel.

Remember, Maria, feather your strokes

like this. Oh, isn't this fun?

Yeah, swell. Only



fun to go.

Watch steam, guys. I

told you not to eat beef jerky for

breakfast. It's only a cramp.

Howdy, folks. Welcome to the Appendix

Lodge, where the mucus is free and the

parking's almost reasonable.

Uh, we here 'cause of the detour. We

supposed to be going down a small

intestine. Oh, you don't want to go

there, sir. Trust me. That's a one-way

trip out the behind. But here, you

got the sweet smell of bile and beds

softer than fresh, dried boogers.

Boogers, huhI guess we'll stay.

Smart move, sir. Now park your cart.

HmmI don't understand. The

Poopanose Mountain should be on our

right. Maybe if you weren't micromanaging

our fun, we wouldn't be lost. We

are not lost. Are you sure?Of

course I'm sure. I have the map, don't I?

Give me that. No, it's...

Oh,

guys. I get to hold it. Guys!

Oh,

no. Nice job, Smokey the Pill. What?

This is all your fault. No, you bought

the blade. Yeah, great warning. Uh,

guys?Guys?Don't you blame her.

I can defend myself, thank you very much.

Are you sure?'Cause Drix knows everything

about everything. Okay, that's it. From

now on, I am not speaking to you. Are you?

Or... are you?

What up, Boo-Boo?

Nothing like healthy outdoor living, huh,

guys?Who's up for another cheese dog?My

dog, guys. You haven't had one, dude. I

don't know, I just don't feel veryhungry.

Bear aside, wet clothes, no sleep.

That's what I get for leaving

civilization. Do

you know what this means?A bed!

A bath! Brochures!

Hey, these burgers are fresh. Well,

that's some better dumps in the coma.

Hey, it beats going back to barricide

country. Say, would you happen

to have a single

room available?Always happy

to receive neighbors north

of the Waste Line. Thanks. I'll mail

you a check as soon as I get home. Sorry,

no money, no rooms. But we lost all our

cash. Perhaps I could interest you in a

capsule of cough suppressant?Sure.

Even it's filled with money. Just tell us

when the next bus gets here. Bus,

bus, let's see. Oh, those big, long

things. I heard of those. They-- I can't

go back out there! I'd rather face the

measles, the mumps, a gas attack!

Well, I reckon we can work something out.

Why do I have to be the maid?I don't do

ruffles. Enough jaw flapping. I

got guests coming. Now do your jobs and

y'all can stay.

Dude, are you still feeling bad?I'll be

okay. Ohh Hector,

what's wrong?So sore.

You have a fever, but I think it's your

appendix. We've got to get him help

before it ruptures.

Sign here. Appendix large, please hold.

Sorry, ma'am, cash only. Yes, bets are

allowed as long as they don't need the

guests. You'll be in room three, sir.

Grandma.

Housekeeping! Housekeeping!

Who was in this room?Metabolica?

Hey,

I'm trying to get some sleep here.

That bed can make itself.

Anything. Still no signal.

Keep paddling. It's burning

up. Is it me or is it hot

in here?



Blob knows. But Uncle Billy, we've been

out in the bowel so long, we've seen

breakfast and lunch go by.

You two boil heads are as worthless as an

extra belly button. You're supposed to be

protecting the sign. We got

hungry, Uncle Billy. You got hungry,

Uncle Billy?Well, get your grub and go

back. Thanks to that there intestinal

detour, we're the hottest spot in Pelvis

National Park.

Ain't it a little too hot?Spittle

sticks. A little heat never hurt nobody.

Besides, I got me a new

fan. Oh, dear.

And I am right. Crack investigator like

me doing mindless housework. You missed

the spot. Ozzie, Maria! Are you talking

to me?'Cause I'm not listening!

Okay, Maria!

What?Billy Blob has put a roadblock on

the intestinal freeway, and it's

detouring all the southbound traffic

here. Ah, that would explain why business

is booming. And if the lodge continues to

fill up, eventually it will burst.

Well, I'm not cleaning that up. You don't

understand. All these germy guests could

spill into the plasma rivers and spread

through the whole body.

That sounds like Hector.

That appendix is going to be history real

soon, dude. You just hang tough until we

get you to hospital, OK?Dang. Been

nowhere near a hospital. It's time to

call a truth. Yeah, we got to get rid of

the detour and these guests. You take

care of the detour. I know exactly how to

vacate these vacationers.

Keep handling, guys!

Oh, no!

Hang on!

We made it. Woo-hoo! Good job,

guys. We got through. Sweet.

Oh. I know, Hector. Those were

pretty rough rabbits. What rabbits?

Hey, I got a signal. It

doesn't take an Ivy League education to

fool these bacterial bumpkins.

candy and paper,

too.

Due to fire regulations, you must

check out now.

Well, thanks for staying at theAppendix

Lodge. You all come back now, you hear?

Come back. We're heading out to small

intestine. Well, you know what they say.

Go with the flow. Bye.

Next. What calcification is

going on?Well, he says we's got to leave.

They canceled the hay ride. And my

facial. Uh,

yes. Well, uh, fire regulations

stipulate-- Fire regulations?Now,

don't you pay no never mind to him. This

here pill hot scone bug house.

Mr. Blob, the appendix's lodge is in

danger of bursting. We must shut it down

immediately. Well,

how's about we shut you down

instead?

There it is. But it looks like Dumber and

Dumbest are guarding it.

The day hasn't come when Osmosis Jones

can't outsmart a couple of colon yokels.

Hold it right there, buster.

Whoa, cuz! I'm just here to

relieve you. Relieve us?

Uncle Billy didn't say nothing about no

relieve. Yep, he

thought you boys was doing such a Jim

Dandy job that you deserved a break.

Uncle Billy said that?He

said you two were the best employees he

ever had. No way would a Uncle

Billy have called us the best at

anything. You ain't gonna like your

foolers with no fancy foolin'.

We're too dumb for that.

Excuse me, boss. Ain't a good-looking

backside back tear around these parts?

Oh, well, lookie here.

Uh-oh.

I'm getting that achy, breaky feeling. I

eyeballed her first. Nuh-uh,

I eyeballed her first. Oh,

don't you boys fight over little old me.

I'll do the fighting for you.

She's always a frisky one.

I'm done.

Oh, no, not the parasite again. Parasite!

That's no animal. Listen.

Drex, what happened?They saw through my

roof. It was horrible. I almost became

the lodge's new septic tank.

Don't worry, Hank. We called your mom.

She's going to meet you at the hospital.

If we don't do something soon, the

appendix is going to burst, and all those

germs will spread through Hector.

Well, then, it's time for me to get down

with the hoedown.

Swing your partner by the toe, now's the

time to do-si-do!

Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Grab your partner, give

a twirl, spin around and make 'em a

whirl! Toss

your partner in the air, let 'em drop

post anywhere!

Stomp your feet until they stole! Dance

with me right out the door!

Stand, step, we're almost done! Now I

think it's time to run! Stop the

music! Stop the music!

Stop the music! You all been

hornswaggled! This ain't no square dance

card! It's my man!

Run, Odie! Can we get

them, Lloyd?At

least I got them out of the lodge. Yes,

we just have to keep them out long enough

for Hector to make it to the hospital.

Yeah, but who's gonna take us to the

hospital?

Is there anything in the Bio Scout manual

about surviving this?Well, I think it's

time for y'all to check

out.

Whoa!

I'd stomp you all, but I'm... I'm

feeling a tad peaky.

It must be the anesthetic. Even

I feel a little losey.

You're right, Drax. It really

is nice and peaceful in the great

outdoors.

Rise and shine, y'all! It's

another beautiful morning in the pelvic

paradise. What?Hey,

what happened to Billy Blob and the

Blobettes?Look,

even the appendix lodge is gone.

I'd say Hector's operation was a complete

success. Thanks for coming to see

me, guys. Yeah, cool. Actually, we

came to see your stitches. Yeah, Kelly,

don't look. I'm not looking.

Awesome. Gnarly.

Thanks a heap for stopping, folks. I was

just on my way to the Gallbladder Inn.

Oh. We got a

better place for you.

Yee-haw! Yee-haw!

No, not for small and taste, huh

I'd say that's a suitable ending.

When there's a fungus among us They don't

want to be rashed Even if it's humongous

They'll fix it in a flash Cellcomino

swerves, hit some nerves Trying to

protect him, they almost wreck him

Looking good, like a blood cell should

Like a blood cell should Looking good,

like a blood cell should With the cells

in the hood Looking good, like a blood

cell should Like a blood cell should

Looking good, like a blood cell should

With the cells in the hood