01x01 - Max Goes to Washington

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w

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hurry up tiger day is on us coming

dad

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up an atam

sport hey

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Pop morning

everyone Max is going to gather across

the river today first time all right

great thanks

everybody now I might have made this a

little small I can always fix it

later oh Lord you grow up so fast come

on Ma oh hush up I can be as sofy as I

want you be careful out

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there all

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right

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Dad

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Mom Mom I'm out here run

Max I can get you just hang on your

cousin in Washington huh your cousin

Berkeley find her

look hey I got

one

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Max

no

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ladies and gentlemen the president of

the United

States first I have a brief statement

then I'd be glad to uh take your

question our trip will take us first to

Poland then Hungary two countries

engaged in unprecedented efforts toward

economic and political reform

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next

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wow

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oh cats they got cats get out of here

they got dogs they can't get cats dogs

and cats hate each other don't you mice

BRS know

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nothing hey I'm a girl good cuz if you

were a guy I couldn't do

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this creep thanks

Trixie

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yell sure who wouldn't like to save on

long distance rates only I doubt you

could beat the savings we already got oh

yeah so put it in writing Trixie they

got cats big dumb ugly ones too Ma if I

wasn't around to protect her they would

have ripped her the shrs oh please hippy

fascist what were you doing upstairs

Berkley I was trying to get to the

motorpool my cousin's flying in from

Nebraska and I felt I could sneak a ride

to the airport oh no dear it's much too

dangerous you could get run over stepped

on eaten

alive

oh you

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go hey yo yo over here Max right hey

lucky

shot nice flight SW school already of

them little booze

battles skip it come on we got to make a

little stop first when we get to the top

of this thing here we got to move fast

so stay close got it hey yo let me know

when I'm boring is sorry I haven't

really slept in a few days your uh

cousin said your place got smoked tough

break so where exactly does she live

anyway there's a bunch of us in the

basement of this big White House

downtown

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wait no jam it

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stop the

258 Gast Iron Dome topped by Thomas

Crawford's Statue of Freedom was erected

during the Civil w*r beneath it is the

fame rotunda where the bodies of many of

our presidents have laying at State as

we move down Constitution Avenue towards

our bathroom break at the L Memorial

you'll notice the Department of Commerce

to your right and the 555 Washington

Monument directly to your left and if

you haven't heard the first family

aren't the only residents in 69 psylvia

Avenue it seems the White House is

experiencing its worse rat infestation

since the new accident in stretch that

big white

house out

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please you lost them how could your R

them it wasn't my fault ma one minute I

was with him next thing I know I'm

coming to and some guy shock throw at

the Holiday In You zero if I knew where

your father was I'd punch his face out

hurry up the poor kids out there

somewhere all by himself hey I said I'd

find the weasly little run didn't

I it's him ain't

it

oh here go byy the boy I'm Trixie my

name's Max it's a pleasure to meet you

man what' you do that for because I'm

going to drop dead before you ever have

Manas like that uh I'm sorry I ruined

your snack jamet look just stay out of

my way okay with any luck I won't see us

to the Christmas

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party

Max

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Berkeley it's going to be okay kid come

on let's go

inside after you

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ma'am this is the biggest place I've

ever seen you like it I did it

myself how's it hanging Hy you wake up

you eat fries you die what do I know now

what you eat is pretty much up to you

they got two kitchens upstairs your

cousin will show you during the raid

tonight oh and each week There's a pot

luck we Max get away from

there I was just trying to see listen to

me never ever go in there you got that

but what's inside the scum of the earth

that's what and that's all you need to

know now come

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on Max I want you to meet somebody

muggle this is my cousin from Nebraska

interestingly enough Nebraska is one of

the few States whose name is derived

from Indian culture it means flat water

Riv muggle thank you how did you know

that oh knowledge is very important Max

Socrates once wrote that it is the only

good and ignorance the only evil excuse

me I'm going to

explode good god what happened to

him oh he does that sometimes see he

used to be a lab rat they kept him in a

maze for years tested them with 600

chemicals fascists is everyone a fascist

dear

600 yeah shot him up with everything

from LSD to ice te mix personally I

think the ice te mix put him over the

edge uh nice meeting

you Hey where's Max going to sleep do we

have any space left oh that's okay I'll

just find a corner somewhere nonsense

I'll think of

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something say hi to your new roommate no

freaking way see and you were worried he

didn't like you forget about it this is

my place and I don't have to share it

with nobody honey I want to talk to you

not as a friend but as a

mother remember when you were small and

we didn't have a place to live how kind

strangers who didn't know you yet would

take us in now you have the opportunity

to be a kind stranger son screw it up

and I'll k*ll you in your

sleep have a nice day

ma don't touch my books or my bed or my

food and when I give my CD player don't

touch that either is there some place I

can put my clothes how about

Baltimore

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oh yeah yeah yeah yeah oh use my tail

use my tail

yeah Max mom I can get you just hang on

no

no what what is your problem sorry I was

having a bad dream yeah well I was

having a good one I was on a water bed

in Vegas with

twins go back to sleep Nebraska I don't

want to hear another

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peep it's not me ow we get

SP

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you

where are cabinet room next item the

house is not a clean air building

committee word is it can pass look I

don't want to sound unsympathetic to the

environmentalist but we're in a

recession here so we'll recommend the

veto all in

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favor

yo what up uhhuh you know what's going

now what's the good word what it be like

brother how are

you man man smell funky up here how can

you do breathe this stuff poison oh you

can't breathe this

stuff h no kidding they really try to

Zing

you well damn it's a good thing I was

out for a run huh I just got these new

kicks I was trying to break them here

you know how leather

is hold on tight holes there's only one

dude down here wearing pumps and that's

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me

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muggle but I I I was just talking to him

look it happens maybe he's in a better

place

Max don't go anywhere

Max The Smokers might be out there oh

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man woo talk about a

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rush hey wait up you [ __ ] I ain't as

fast as you are

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wow

City looks nice up here yeah why don't

we do this moreu thing I ran jamut why I

came back and the smokers were all over

our

basement and I saw my mother through the

vent and I told her to hang on and then

I just ran away that's why you're

reacting like such an idiot cuz you ran

she was right there I told her I could

save

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her hold this go on just hold

it what are you doing okay you can let

go now are you crazy pull the chain

up jam it you're still here Jam I can't

hold on so so I don't want to die you

big fat creep

oh oh is Right Butthead so you R you

think she hate you for that you think

it's a crime to survive what else have

we been doing for 10 million years can I

please come up

now you're an okay guy live your life

will you

okay

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well can't we just pick it up in the

morning

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whatever

oh come

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