07x03 - Evolution Sucks

[bunniefuu]

And it's through this process of natural

selection that the dumbest, slowest, and

weakest members of every species are

selected against and gradually die out.

Now, human evolution is no different,

OK?After all, we are animals

ourselves. You know, it was just a few

thousand years ago that our ancestors

were using primitive grunts to

communicate.

Now, evolution is all about

successful mating, okay?

Those individuals who are able to pass

along their genetic material to future

generations are the winners in the game

of evolution. Those who never get the

chance to mate are the losers.

Losers.

Whoa. I got it,

Beavis. We should like,

uh, evolve.

Why?Because we need to evolve

into dudes who score. Yeah.

Yeah, cool. I'm going to

evolve a bigger wiener.

Yeah. Evolution is

accomplished over millions of years

through the repeated passing along of

genetic material.

What?In fact, it took

our ancestors literally millions of

years to begin walking upright and

foraging for food.

What a bunch of dumb asses

Actually, they were quite intelligent.

They formed highly stratified

societies, dominated by a single

male who took the lion's share of the

food and then mated with whomever he

wanted. Whoa.

Cool. Of course, these were

very violent times, and

oftentimes women were probably...

UhNow it's extinct.

Extinct.

I clubbed his a*s

And that's how the genetic material of

our ancestors passed from one

generation to the next. Please read

chapters 11 and 12 for next time,

people. Whoa. I just thought of

something, Beavis. It's like every one of

our ancestors must have scored at least

once. That must mean

we're going to score. Really?Cool.

I'm going to score. Everything can

happen. I can't get a

house while I'm gone. Clean up your room.

Take out the garbage. Oh, check it out. I

can't believe she's talking to Snoop that

way. Yeah. Hey, if that wasn't his mom,

he'd be putting smack down. Yeah, really.

Those are cool pajamas. Yeah.

Snoop rules. Yeah, yeah

Doggy Dog is in the mother-- hey-oh.

Well, check it out. He's got a

phone on the toilet. Yeah. We got to

get one

of those. Dog. It's a

doggy-dog world. It's a

doggy-dog world.

Yeah.

Oh, he just touched your boobs Uh.. Of

course he did. It's a doggy-dog world. 00

in the morning

in the 40s, still jumping 'cause my mama

ain't home. Hey, uh, kick a little

something for the Gs. Yeah, yeah.. It's

nothing but a G thing. Yeah, I'm a G. I'm

a straight G. Yeah, you're a G for gonad.

Shut up, Buddit. He might get smoked

if he's had a... Watch your back, homie.

Hey, Buddit. Do you know I'm from Compton?

Damn it, Beavis. Shut up.

Not from Compton. No way, buddy, I'm

serious. Hey, I was kicking it on the

street. It was a hard time.

Hey, I used to drink gin and juice. It

was cool. Beavis. Hey. You're a white

wussy from right here. No way, buddy, you

don't know. You weren't around, man. You

know me and Snoop, we used to go to the

Compton swap meet together. Beavis. You

used to go to the flea market with your

mom. No way, buddy. See, I wear this

shirt. These are my color. Beavis. I'm

a straight G. Shut up. Everybody

have it. You got it. Hey. Time for the

Compton slot me with smoke, you know?

Sometimes I used to kick it with drink.

Leave us. Shut up. You've never

been to Compton. You're never going to go

to Compton. You're going to be here for

the rest of your life. You're stupid. You

don't have any money, and you're never

going to score.