06x15 - No Service

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

[phone ringing]

- Uh, what?

- This is your boss at Burger World.

We're having an extremely busy lunch.

I need one of you to come down to Burger World right now.

- Uh, I'm, like, busy watching TV.

- Well, then let me talk to, uh, the other one.

- Uh, okay.

[chuckling] Uh--

[imitates Beavis chuckling] Like, uh, hi.

This is Beavis. [chuckles]

Yeah.

Uh, I'll be right in, sir.

Yeah. [chuckles]

You can always, like, count on me, sir.

[chuckling] Yeah.

Hey, Beavis.

That was that manager dude from Burger World.

He says you have to go to work right now.

- No way! That sucks.

It sucks!

Hey, how come you don't have to go to work?

- Uh, 'cause I'm, like, busy watching TV.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

This sucks.

- [chuckling]

Dumbass.

- Half man, half mole.

- ♪ I don't know who ♪

- Cool, a cartoon.

- Those aren't cartoons, dumbass.

That's just clay.

- So?

Clay can be cartoons.

- No, it can't.

Cartoons are, like, you know, like, drawings or something.

Clay is, like, a thing.

- So? Drawings are things.

- Damn it, Beavis, you're never gonna out-be--

be smarter than me.

So don't even try. Just shut up.

- Um... [chuckles] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[both chuckling]

♪ ♪

Oh, I think I know what this is.

I think this is, um, "Davey and Goliath."

- Oh, yeah.

That's that show that's, like, on Sunday mornings

when there's nothing on but church.

- You know one thing about that show, though.

Um, you know that Goliath is--

you know, he's supposed to be a dog,

but I've never seen him lick his nads.

Have you ever noticed that?

- Uh, I saw him do it once real fast.

[both chuckle]

He was probably, like, uh, Davey,

you should try this.

- Yeah, and then, Davey said, maybe I should pet you first.

[giggles] And, you know, also, you know, I've never seen

him poop either.

- Uh, I thought I saw him poop once.

But I think it was just, like, a piece of clay

that fell off his butt.

- Oh, yeah. [chuckling]

[music ends]

- I want a bacon cheeseburger with extra mayo.

I want a large chocolate shake, two orders of onion rings

and apple pie and a diet cola.

- [chuckling] You said pie.

Um, that's funny, right?

- [chuckling] - Whoa!

Hey, how's it going? Yeah.

- [chuckling] You're working.

- Um, oh, yeah. [both chuckling]

I'm working. - Shut up and take my order.

- Oh yeah, yeah.

Um, welcome to the World.

May I help you?

- Uh, get me some nachos.

- Um, okay.

Would you like some fries to go with that?

- Did I ask for fries, dumbass?

- Oh, yeah.

Um, let me just get that for you.

- [chuckling]

- Um, let's see...

Um, oh, yeah, yeah. We don't have any nachos.

- [chuckles]

- Uh, okay, then how about some pizza?

- Um, okay, oh, yeah, yeah, pizza.

Pizza. Pizza, pizza. [chuckles]

Oh, yeah, um, pizza's not on the menu either.

Would you like some fries with that?

- Hey, come on.

- Come on, quit holding up the line.

I'm waiting for service here.

- I still haven't gotten my food.

- Yeah, really.

This service sucks.

Let me speak to your manager, boy.

I'm gonna have you fired.

- Um, okay.

Yeah, yeah, fire me. Yeah.

- Hey, come on, can't somebody open another register?

- I don't have all day, you know.

- I got three kids in the car. Come on.

- Get the hell out of here. - [grunts]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah! Fire him.

Yeah, fire him! Fire him!

Yeah, fire, fire! - [groans]

[chuckling] Not working is cool.

- Uh, hello?

[chuckling]

- Hello? Hello?

- Uh, hello?

- Hello?

- Uh, I'd like to order a butt.

- What?

Um, would you like some fries with that?

- Uh, like, is this thing on?

[feedback squealing]

Cool. [squealing continues]

- [cries out] Ow!

Aah!

- Whoa. [chuckles]

That sounds cool.

[chuckling, grunts]

[squealing] - Ow!

Ah! Cut it out, fart knocker!

Don't make me come out there and kick your a*s!

- Uh, hey, Beavis, is that you?

- Butt-Head?

Butt-Head, where are you?

- I'm in the drive-through, dumbass.

Get out here. This thing makes you sound really weird.

- Um, really?

Cool.

Um, okay. I'll be right with you.

Thank you, drive through. [squealing]

Ow!

This is gonna be cool.

- What the hell is he doing now?

[squealing] - Aah! Um...

- [scatting]

- [yelling, imitates scatting]

Ow! Aah!

Whoa.

What is this?

- It's the Skatman. [chuckles]

- Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They should have a name for this kind of music.

- There already is a name for this music, Beavis.

It's called crap.

- They ought to have, you know, a crap section

in the record store.

- Uh, yeah.

It should be out in the dumpster.

[both chuckling]

- No way, Butt-Head.

There's cool stuff in the dumpster.

You wouldn't want to mess it up with this crap.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ If the Skatman can do it, so can you ♪

♪ Everybody's saying that the Skatman... ♪

- This is like that music they play in those clothes stores

in the mall, where they have,

like, a bunch of TV screens.

- Oh, yeah.

And it's all loud.

And then, like, the salespeople come up and say...

Hi. Would you like a tie today?

- Yeah, yeah.

Those places are stupid.

[both chuckling]

Oh, boy, this sure is horrible.

[both chuckling]

- The united colors of Benteton.

- You know, it kind of sounded like he said poop.

- Uh, well, you know, this is the Skatman.

And scat is, like, another word for poop.

- How'd you know that?

- I learned that when I did my report on feces.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

[horns honking]

- I want food!

Hey, what the hell is going on? - Come on!

Come on!

- Check this out.

[feedback squealing] - Aah!

Ow!

Yeah, that was pretty cool.

Ow! [squealing continues]

- Damn it, where the hell is he?

- I'll have, uh--

- I'll be with you in a minute, sir.

Oh, God. Hi.

Welcome to Burger World. May I take--

[squealing] Ow! Hey, hey.

Beavis?

Is that you, Beavis?

- Yeah.

[chuckling]

[squealing] - Ow! Hey.

Ah! - Ow!

[squealing continues] - Ow!

[Chick's "Malibu"]

♪ ♪

- Check it out, Butt-Head, a wh*re.

- Uh, what makes you think that's a wh*re, Beavis?

- Oh, just, you know--

I was just pretending, I guess--I don't know.

- Uh, well, if you're gonna do that, why not just, you know,

pretend you're doing it with her?

- Oh.

Yeah, well I was gonna do that.

See, I was gonna pretend she was a wh*re.

Then I was going to pretend I had some money.

And then I was gonna pretend I was doing her.

See? That's how it works, see?

That's what you call a fantasy, bung wipe.

[both chuckling]

- You know what this chick's name is?

- Um, what?

- Her name is Chick.

- No, it's not.

- No, I'm serious. I've seen this before.

Her name's Chick.

That's pretty cool because, like, you know,

you can remember her name,

you know, because she's a chick and her name is Chick.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Maybe I should change my name to Dude.

- Uh, yeah.

Or maybe you could change it to Dumbass.

- Um, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Um, is she supposed to be, like,

in high school or something?

- Uh, I don't know. She looks pretty old.

- Yeah, I think you're not allowed to become a wh*re

until you get older.

- Uh, you're still pretending she's a wh*re, Beavis?

I thought you'd be pretending

you're doing it with her by now.

- Well, if you would shut up, maybe I could concentrate.

Bunghole. [chuckling]