01x06 - Episode 6

[bunniefuu]

h no not again what what is it bloody

knew this is

broken have you got a spare

i'm going

back lovely

ruth's got a Brazilian in the trunk has

he told you about

Malcolm didn't we

promise no work

tonight i'll get it

hi Mike um sorry I'll be five minutes no

problem uh oh uh Mike this is Nigel uh

my roommate nigel's an actor hi five

listen could you do me a favor uh yeah

it's just I've got this really important

audition tomorrow i was wondering if you

could help me and just read the part of

the butcher uh the butcher yeah okay

good morning sir good morning fine

weather we're having actually Mike sorry

uh sorry to stop you there um do you

mind putting this on for me it would

really help me just get into the scene

you know um all right okay

uh fine weather we're having for this

time of year

yeah actually could you just put these

on as well for me i

Yeah and

this it's a really important audition

okay

uh have you had a new haircut oh yes I

have actually it's really nice

no sorry could you try that again a bit

more manly you know Simon would never

say it like that simon I mean the

butcher look never mind i get so lonely

at night hang on you missed a whole

chure yeah just skip to the good bit the

good bit yeah just go from I've wanted

you since the first moment I saw you the

bit where Simon declares his love for me

for you for for for Nigel nigel in the

play

you wrote this didn't you

no no i go on yes yes I did simon's my

butcher i just wanted to

pretend haven't you ever been in love

oh god i'm sorry i didn't realize i

Nigel can you get that

simon what are you Don't talk Nigel just

listen i love you there it's taken

months just to build up the courage to

Hang

on oh I see found a new butcher have you

and I thought there was something

special between us no no no i'm not

actually ready nigel and I were meant to

be together and now you've stolen him

away from me what kind of a butcher are

you

Mike what's going on well I hope you'll

be very happy together

oh one last

thing always trim the fat on his

bacon he likes it like that

simon wait deborah I can explain

everything

do you want to just skip to the bedroom

scene

i can recommend the salmon

with a face like that you could

recommend anything nice ring i like a

man who's not afraid to wear jewelry i

like a woman who's not afraid to tell a

man she likes a man who's not afraid to

wear jewelry i like a man who's not

afraid to tell a woman that she's not

afraid to tell a man wait I think I see

where this is going chicago no the

conversation am I that predictable only

when I can tell what you're going to do

next

tell me do you make a habit of picking

up women on long train journeys i

wouldn't call it a habit i'd call it a

nap bad habits are dangerous especially

for monks do you believe in God only if

he believes in me i believe in you are

you God i fell in for him on Sundays

today's Thursday well then it looks like

I'm free

i'm glad you don't charge was that an

insult is that a question is this a

statement bank if you are I'd like to

check my balance well stand up and see

if you follow oh thanks

but I much prefer lying down like a man

with no spine my father didn't have a

spy must have been tough quite the

reverse

he was very bendy

i'll bet that runs in the family the

only things that run in my family are

noses sorry cupcakes i don't carry

handkerchiefs that's what my first

husband said just before I k*lled him

what happened to him

i k*lled him twice it was enjoyable like

this

i deserve that

my compartment number is B12 what about

your salmon he doesn't have a

compartment that's a shame i'll go cry

myself to sleep don't get snot on the

pillow don't get poop in your pants

there's a point i mean for you Nick to

go into a pub without people constantly

trying to pick up your head and drink

you know drink your liquid brain yeah it

was difficult at first

malcolm will you please get out of there

i can't take you anywhere oh hello Mrs

appleton oh I'm so sorry about that

right chaps we've only got 8 minutes

before we should expect another snoop

from the guard so we better be quick i

hereby declare the third meeting of

Operation Sunset open now Reggie did you

manage to steal the nails certainly did

Skipper it took me 3 weeks to prize them

from under the tables in the mess hall

good work now Biffo and Spadger are

removing beams of wood from the roof of

cell block B as we speak and Alfie

should have the ropes to us by next

Tuesday god willing it should be up and

running by the end of March any

questions um

yes why exactly are we building a

gazebo Jack we've been over this a

hundred

times you know how good it will look

next to the rock garden sir when I

joined this operation I didn't expect to

spend 6 weeks building a patio table out

of bits of twigs and mud the garden

furniture is an essential part of our

mission how can we enjoy our tea if we

can't sit down what I'm saying is why

don't we turn our energies towards a

different goal like escaping

what on earth do you mean well all the

chaps in the other camps are doing it

and how are they doing this escaping

well most of them are digging tunnels

bunny you should say that bunty was

telling me he found a tunnel under D

block that leads to outside the camp he

used it to pop out to the shops and buy

the croquet sir why the blazes don't we

use it to escape

it's a thought but the question is is

the tunnel wide enough to transport the

gazebo and all the garden furniture damn

the garden

furniture it is the sworn duty of every

able-bodied British prisoner to escape

and to fight for his country

it will be dangerous but we must be

prepared to make sacrifices to protect

our wives our children and the pride of

our great

nation dash it all you're right

sacrifices must be made for the greater

good

let's face it chaps there never would

have been enough garden chairs to go

around here here

over 50 million people were k*lled

during the Second World w*r nearly nine

of these deaths occurred during the

building of

casinos remember

them my body is a temple my uh feet are

the doors my knees are the steps and my

heart is the

altar oh and uh and this is the priest

thanks for taking me in i hardly noticed

you were here are you mocking me

ridicule is nothing to be scared of try

telling that to a dead clown he wouldn't

listen why not

he's dead how could you k*ll a clown

easy his g*n was full of custard he's

not the only one

aren't you forgetting something that's

not my g*n funny the b*ll*ts got your

name on it do you always k*ll men after

you've slept with them it's more fun

than the other way around

what do you want from me that's for me

to know and you to find out tell me or

I'll sh**t you wouldn't dare

now tell me the truth the truth can hurt

so can gas but gas can't ruin your life

you haven't met my mother wiping her up

i didn't she brought me up stupid if I'm

so stupid how come you're the one

looking down the barrel of a g*n

sorry cupcakes i never take a b*llet on

the first date don't worry i won't put

it in all the way

if you're not going to k*ll me I'm going

to have to leave you'll never get away

with this get away with what

i don't know well come find me when you

do not if I find you first

now figured out i've got it i've got it

welcome will you please sit down

jeffrey will you stop Dy D

that's what I'm

good morning sir how can I help you give

me all the money in the till quickly

i've got a g*n yes of course

could I just see it

what uh sorry sir it's just I need to

see the g*n to be able to give you the

money it's bank policy

all right look just forget about it okay

do you have any sharp objects with you

sir any knives clubs machetes what oh I

do have a pair of nail scissors in my

bag uh I know it's not much sir but it

is enough to make me feel sufficiently

threatened

okay give me the money certainly sir

sir I'm so sorry i forgot my drawer has

just been emptied all right look forget

about it it's fine is there a problem

here sir no no no problem uh this

gentleman was trying to rob the bank

only I'm completely out of cash i

see well I could open the safe for you

the safe yes there should be at least

20,000 in there would that be sufficient

um give me all the money oh let's

dispense with the formality sir i won't

be a moment oh I'm very embarrassed to

have to say this sir but I'm afraid I've

left the keys to the safe in my other

jacket at home all right never mind

let's just forget about it okay no no no

no no no no no now I could call head

office and get them to come and open it

but strictly speaking I can't do that

unless there is a danger to life sorry

to interrupt sir but I couldn't help

overhearing um if it will help the

situation at all I am willing to be

taken as a hostage oh good thinking

hello sir my name's Anthony Barry um is

this comfortable for you sir it's fine

um do you think you just press those

scissors into my neck thank you sir uh

slight hiccup head officer ordered lunch

and won't be back for another 20 minutes

do you mind waiting no look I I really

have to go i'm sorry no no no no we

can't let you leave empty-handed i've

got about 300 here is that all right

that's great thanks could I just ask sir

how are you planning to spend that money

well I don't know might go on holiday

well 300's not going to get you very far

is it it's not no

have you ever considered a personal loan

we do offer a very competitive rate of

interest really step into my office sir

i'm sure we can work something out great

how's your credit

you know a lot of people don't realize

it but underneath these streets there

are thousands of miles of sewage pipes

it's an engineering miracle a whole

labyrinth of tunnels that leads all the

way out to the

ocean and I haven't taken a dump in six

days

that was quite

critical this is

horrible it's been hard um I'm still

having bad dreams and I've been missing

a lot of classes

um I'm just anxious all the time

i see and uh and what's in these bad

dreams

just faces right faces you know

no okay okay now Martin um at the end of

last week's session you started to talk

about an incident from your early

childhood do you remember okay why don't

you go on with that right

well uh I must have been about five um

my parents had just separated and my

family had decided I should move in for

a while with my uncle

and remember uncle has changed to

Oh um with my iguana

right and um how did this make you feel

um upset uh confused even then I was I

was having nightmares i'm sorry i was

having nightmares oh repetition

no you're doing very well Martin um why

don't we try a little word association h

house home sleep dream young child Lucy

lou Charlie Chaplain

Andre Agassy Martin Agassi So you were

unable to sleep yes and my um my iguana

uh came into my room uh one night and um

chairman says Bisbuzz rules apply uh

well I was um I was 5 years old 5 years

old stop it incorrect address

uh Mr chairman um I was fizz years old

martin Martin take your time drink while

you think

well I was five years 5 years old years

old and my my my uncle and I iguana came

into my room one night and he came into

my room and he put his hand on my leg

and

he I was

abused forfeit what that's the forfeit

word and what's the forfeit pants

down we've got a lot of work to do

south Park is still garnering lofty

praise from critics boring timeout says

the rotty humor helps a familiar moral

seem more relevant than fright what the

funk and waggles are you talking about

it's been called nasty naughty

nihilistic who's it jiggle west and the

New York Times says the stylized

prethinking carries some dogma of its

own

god this guy's so sleepy okay Cartman

entertainment Weekly calls South Park

filthy and still funny kick a*s south

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