01x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

accounting's down the hall and the photo

copy is just over there i think you'll

really enjoy working here we're a

relaxed team we like to keep things

pretty informal in a minute I'll take

you down to the mail room

are you going to make a bet

no i'm going to go

first

over here's the kitchen

we've got a fantastic coffee machine do

you like hazelnut

technically we should have k*lled

something really

come

good afternoon sir is

it do I just start by saying what a

great honor it is to finally meet you

sir i'm sure you won't regret it what

have you got for me i'm bored right yes

well uh me and the team over in the

electronics division have come up with

something rather exciting it's the

Pegasus 250 the world's first solar

powered 3G cell phone pee a cell phone i

can scarcely contain myself

with respect sir this invention could be

worth billions and billions and billions

brilliant i'll have to buy another bank

but the cell phone will put me right at

the cutting edge of technology hang on a

minute

can I put it up my a*s

i'm sorry sir this phone can I put it up

my a*s

well you can but Mr gross have I ever

put a cell phone up my a*s before i'm

afraid so sir only last week you put a

video enabled flip phone up your a*s oh

Mr gro is there anything I haven't put

up my a*s i fear not have I put you up

my

a*s as far as you could sir although I

don't believe you've had the pleasure of

putting Mr winthrop up your a*s haven't

I with respect the solar phone isn't

designed to be put up asses in fact the

very absence of light would be When in

Rome Winthrop

when in Rome what when in Rome one must

put things up the emperor's a*s i've

already put everything up my a*s my desk

my staff my marriage till I get rid of

him then sir yes fire him burn him do

whatever you do thank you wait wait i

have a suggestion don't push your luck

Winthrop have you ever considered

putting things up other people's asses

what do you say well for example you

could put a stapler up Mr gro's a*s oh

now hang on or a cactus or a lion it's

certainly an idea but but hang on if I

put a stapler up Mr groat's a*s how will

I feel it he could describe it to you

describe it yes then you could guess

what it is in such a fashion I feel sir

could be entertained for many months i

like it but sir my my a*s is small and

feeble like a child's head but we

stopped might I suggest the Pegasus 250

sir its chrome finish and curved edges

make it ideal for insertion up the

smallest of assets really then get these

into production immediately and give

yourself a 100% raise we could use more

men like you at Megalotech but sir I

must talk

Groat just drop your

trousers you have an incoming call

dance number

319 man at a wedding

look thanks very much for coming with me

tonight don't worry about it Zoe i'm

looking forward to it so how do you know

this guy again well he lives across the

street from me but he seems really nice

so um do you want to get to know him

better

maybe

well thank you all for coming down uh

this next song goes out to a very

special lady in the audience

tonight you sat in a bar hairs streaming

wet while the rain tumbled down outside

i watched you light a

cigarette across what seemed like a

great

divide i noticed every little thing

about you baby as I gazed in your

direction looking at you through my

telescope in the nude with an erection

and I'm your

stalker yeah baby your dirty talker yeah

baby i'm just the lonely guy across the

street and I

masturbate while watching you

eat your new apartment is very nice it's

just a shame that you weren't there

when I broke in at 5 a.m and I dry

humped your teddy

bear i know what your dreams are all

about and I know you leave the lamp

on and now I know you inside out cuz I I

hit a camera in your tampon i'm your

sto yeah baby

your dirty talker yeah

baby now I'm free to love you heart and

soul cuz I completed the tongues of my

parro

oh my god I can't believe it don't worry

Zoe i'm sure it's not about you thank

you very much uh this next song's called

I Stole Zoe's Panties

and I'm wearing them right now

zoe wait

they're pink and they're tight but they

feel just fine any any requests put the

guitar back in the car

how's the new job treating you fine

yeah they're a nice bunch actually you

should fit in no problem at all

who's that the temp the Hunt should be

right behind hunt

cuz you live near

in today's fastmoving world you need a

cell phone you can trust introducing the

Pegasus 250 new from Megotech with

increased battery power all the latest

games and you can put it up your a*s the

precision engineered Pegasus 250 is the

first completely a*s phone featuring the

latest in speaker phone technology say

hello to grandma hi grandma hello

a lot of phones claim to be hands-free

but the Pegasus 250 is the only one that

delivers the goods the Pegasus 250 a

truly hands-free phone only from

Megotech

you know you want it

sorry guys i I don't know where she

could be so um how did all this happen

if you don't mind me asking well no it

was through an agency in Moscow uh she

really wanted to be in this country and

I wanted a partner and it just worked

does she speak English uh no but they

provided an interpreter oh that's so

great and now we're we're completely in

love and the best thing Oh here she is

oh sweetheart this is Tatiana this is

Bob and Vicki

hello hi

um that's a that's a lovely dress you're

wearing

thank you

uh so Tatiana how are you finding this

country i like it it does not smell of

death

yes she's um she's settling in really

well madame would you like to taste the

wine thank you that would be lovely

it's a little too dry

so um

so Tatiana

have you managed to do have you managed

to do any shopping since you've been

here oh yes I went out and I bought two

new pairs of panties and a delightful

new perfume from a little boutique we

found m it smells so sexy

yes and we uh we picked up the ring I

ordered as well have a look

chris what the hell is going on i knew

this would happen what just because

she's different because she's foreign

you can't accept her why can't you be

happy for us well Chris we are just Well

I don't care what you think i love her

come on

i'm sorry about that honey some people

can be so narrowminded

don't worry we've got each other

dance number 12 inappropriate confidence

how you going to hurt me

hi Sean uh I hope you don't mind but we

have a little ritual we like to do with

new people no no seriously no ritual but

Oh welcome to the team oh thank you very

much

now you have tasted of our cake you must

fight Olaf the janitor

go away

see you tomorrow Olaf have a good one

man

oh I definitely prefer it doggy

style well the tests you took gave us an

indication of your skills then the

computer matches up those skill sets

with actual jobs to determine the best

career for you great okay well I have

the results of your tests here and the

computer indicates that the best job for

your skill set is king of Spain

what uh yes the tests indicate quite

strongly that becoming king of Spain is

the ideal career path for you at this

time what do you mean well good head for

figures initiative leadership skills i

don't even speak Spanish

don't worry about that it's more of a

figurehead role well how the hell am I

going to become king of Spain

first we smuggle you across the French

border and you'll be hidden in a bow and

transported to Madrid where you'll meet

Don Marco and be taken to a safe house

after the assassination of Juan Carlos

on the 15th of December you'll be

crowned on the 1st of the new year amid

great celebrations

assassination what are you talking about

Paul i'm just trying to help you fulfill

your potential but I wanted to go into

management

what's more managerial than being king

of Spain no I want something else

well the computer did throw up one other

suggestion service industries project

manager oh wow how do I get into that

first we smuggled you across the French

border and you're hidden about and

transported i do not want to become the

king of Spain

miguel and Fernando will be very

disappointed who ben and

is this the man who will free Spain from

tyranny

no no no i'm sorry i'm leaving i'm

afraid it's not that simple what you

already know too much this is insane

will you take the Spanish crown no I

will not take the Spanish okay I will do

it i will take the Spanish crown

i knew it guards arrest this man yes

your majesty what another traitor court

my crown is safe once more but I only

came here to put Mr johnson away but my

name's Jones paul Jones

ah yes here we are jones paul

Jones wait what was all

that nothing

uh now how do you feel about a career in

sales we feel it's the ideal match for

your skill set well yeah that sounds a

bit better have you got any literature

of course

at

last I am the king of Spain

dance number 932

b*llet in the

shoulder no

not k*ll the thin one i can't

see now who's next

are they all Brando i'm afraid so doctor

come on then

look what they did to my

senator such a good looking boy come

here come on come on

it's Monday morning and Dr patrick

O'Keefe faces another waiting room full

of patients the cameras of documentary I

were there

it's becoming an epidemic among young

men we're seeing literally dozens of new

cases of advanced Brando syndrome or ABS

every

month okay now could you read this for

me

i would like to thank the heads of the

five families for coming here today in

California we have

done what let's try it again okay ready

and

I'm going to make him an offer he can't

refuse

it usually starts at a party uh someone

will consider it cool to do an

impersonation of Marlon Brando hey hey

hey look at me then before they know

where they are they're doing as many as

10 or 20 Brando impersonations in a

single night jim Speed lived with

advanced Brando syndrome for nearly 2

years um well I guess it started when I

was quite young

um doing impressions of Dairo

um some Joe Peshy you know it's light

stuff i never thought it would lead to

um to Brando

i'm

sorry we're trying to get young people

to realize that impersonating Marlon

Brando doesn't make you popular or

amusing or

interesting that's a tough message

shattered lives

broken

homes empty futures these are the

realities of ABS for the lucky few the

treatment is successful but for some

advanced Brando syndrome is a life

sentence

who are the hollow men they're trained

experts party boy astronauts therapists

who need therapy and idiotic frat boys

drink do you four guys multiple

personalities the Hollow Man new episode

next Thursday at 10:30 on Comedy Central

last fall Comedy Central received a VHS

from a person named Skyler Stone the

tapes content was so blatantly

disrespectful of authority and ethical

standards we were left with only one

choice give the guy his own show con

premiering April 6 on Comedy Central