01x02 - Episode Two

[bunniefuu]

- [Icky] You'll go
blind, you reading that.

- I'm not reading it, I'm
looking at the pictures.

- It's great up here, just like a hammock.

Where are we getting off?

- I'll know when we get there.

There's this big mountain,
you pass it on the train.

- There's hundreds of
mountains around here,

that's all there is, bleedin' mountains.

- Yeah well this one's a
special shape, I remember it.

- I'm having a kip in my hammock,

wake me up when we get there.

Aye-aye Captain, how are
things on the bridge?

- Get down off there!

- Why?

- Because it's a luggage rack, son.

- It's more comfortable up here.

- Are you gonna get down
or am I gonna remove you?

- You?

- Yes!

What's all this?

- [Billy] What?

- It's like a rubbish tip.

Other people have to use
this train, you know.

- It's only a few papers.

- Come on now.

- What?

- I want it tidying up, son.

- [Icky] What are you looking at?

- I want this carriage tidying now.

- He's a headcase.

- Now!

- All right, all right!

It's only a poxy train.

- There's rules, you know.

- Gonna show us the rule book are you?

- I'm not talking about books of rules,

I mean the rules of common decency, son.

- Never heard of them.

- Oh that's quite obvious.

If you were my children, you
wouldn't behave like this.

- Well we're not children, all right?

- [Conductor With Glasses] No you're not,

now take your feet off that seat.

- Why?

- Why?

Would you put your feet
on your furniture at home?

- Yeah.

- Don't believe him, they haven't
got any furniture at home.

- Shut it, you!

- Let's see your tickets.

- [Icky] Hold on, hold on!

- No tickets?

- Doubt it.

- He's got them.

- [Conductor] Right, let's seem 'em then.

- All right, all right.

- [Conductor With Glasses] Hey, you could

be fined for that, you know!

- What?

Here, here's the tickets.

- And who are you trying to fool?

- These tickets only take you to Flint.

- Where?

- Half a dozen stops back and you know it.

- I don't, we bought tickets for Wales.

- We didn't know we had to get off there.

- You'll have to pay the difference.

- All right, we will.

- No I want them down the guard's van.

You've evaded paying for tickets.

- He said, didn't he?

He said we'll pay the rest.

- Yeah well he can tell that
to the police of Caernarfon.

Come on, it's a matter for the police now.

- Oh don't be stupid.

What do the police wanna be bothering

with something like this for?

Look, I've told you I've got the money

and I'll pay for the difference.

- How much?

- I've told you, I'm not
issuing any extra tickets.

- Nah, I know you're not.

You're after a few quid
for yourselves, aren't you?

Well all right, I know
the score, how much?

- Get out.

- You were talking about
bribery, weren't you?

- Well what else are you after?

- They're thick.

- This has become a very serious matter.

Now come on, down the guard's van.

- That's it, that looks like
the place where we're going to.

- Were going to.

- Are going to.

- What?

- Legit!

- What?

- When I say, okay?

Now!

[brake hissing]

Go on, get out!

- It's going too fast!

- Go on, jump!

- [Icky] It's too fast, Billy!

[upbeat rock music]

- I hope they broke their bloody necks.

- Billy!

Billy!

- You were right, you know.

It was going too fast.

- [Icky] Yeah.

♪ Walk on ♪

♪ Walk on ♪

♪ With hope in your heart ♪

♪ And you'll never walk alone ♪

♪ You'll never walk alone ♪

[screaming]

- [Icky] I haven't
walked so far in my life.

Where is this bleedin' camp?

- [Billy] Benllech Mountain.

- [Icky] You sure we're
going the right way?

- [Billy] Yeah it's somewhere over there.

- [Icky] Better be worth it.

- [Billy] It is, it's great.

- [Icky] Look, oh thank Christ
for that, there's a bus stop.

- What are you waiting for?

- [Billy] Christmas.

- [Icky] Nosy git!

Hey chief, when's the next bus come?

- Thursday.

- [Icky] No, today.

- No there's no buses today,

the next one is Thursday morning.

- [Icky] They on strike?

- Oh that's the regular service, man.

- Service?

That's not a bleedin' service!

- Hey mate, are there
any shops down that way?

- You won't find any shops around here!

- No bus 'til Thursday,
they're every half hour by us.

- Come on.

- Give it a rest, will ya?

- Look, come on, I wanna get there!

- Better be worth it.

Jesus, I'm parched.

- Hey we can get a drink from there.

- [Icky] Where?

- Look!

Where'd you get milk from, stupid?

- From the milkman.

- [Billy] Soft arse,
where does he get it from?

- From off his van.

- I'm warning you.

- I'm not having any milk from no cows.

- Why not?

- I'm not!

It's a bleedin' dump, isn't it?

There's sod all here
apart from poxy mountains.

There's not even a shop or car to rob.

- Yeah!

- Hello, patrol?

- Let's go!

- You get that engine started.

- [Billy] Hey, on your bike!

- You bleedin' morons!

Ah, sod off, bloody tourists!

You're in the country now,
you just wanna slow down!

- [Billy] Hey, what did that sign say?

- 1 don't know,

it's written in some
stupid foreign language.

- It was Ben something, wasn't it?

- Yeah, think so.

- Yeah, Benllech Mountain,
we're on the right road.

- We'll be there in no time,
I'll just put my foot down,

see if I can get some
more out of this thing.

[car horns honking]

[cows mooing]

- Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

sh*t!

We've lost them, we've lost them!

- Look!

- sh*t!

We'll lose them with this.

Go on, you fat git!

- [Billy] Go on, get out of it, you!

Hey dickhead, go on!

Lose some weight, eh?

- Silly sod!

- He's catching up to us, let's leg it!

- Hold on, get ready to jump!

- [Billy] Ha, look at the state of him!

- [Icky] What are we gonna
do when we get to this place?

- [Billy] We're gonna live there.

- What?

I just thought we were just
gonna lie low for a bit

then go back.

- What'd you wanna go back for?

It's great here.

- We can't stay here
forever though, can we?

- Why not?

- You know we can't.

Where are we gonna sleep and that?

- At Benllech.

It's great, they've got tents
and when there's a fire going

and they're cooking sausages
and soup and that, sound.

- [Icky] They're just
gonna let us stay there?

Who runs the place?

- I can't remember.

I was only 12 last time I came.

- [Icky] Do you know where it is?

- Yeah.

It's on the other side of that mountain.

- We won't get there by tonight.

- Yes we willl

You know the last time I was there, eh?

When I was a kid.

When we had to leave, I...

I was crying, bloody crying.

Tears like that, should've seen me.

Had to go off on my own,


felt dead ashamed

but I couldn't stop.

It's the only time in
my life I've ever cried.

- [Icky] Why were you crying?

- I don't know, it's
just a dead smart place

and you know the teachers,
Ferris and that, like?

Weren't like teachers then.

I felt stupid, you know.

There was once when Ferris was cooking,

I was standing next to him,

peeling spuds with a load of other kids

and I started to say something to Ferris

and they all burst out laughing

'cause I called him Mam, Mam!

It was Ferris I was talking to.

- Did you?

- Yeah!

- It's cr*cker out here though, isn't it?

I mean, it's dead boring that

but it's cr*cker to look at, isn't it?

- You mean the views and that?

- [Icky] Yeah, imagine
what it'd be like if Louie

and Rabbit and Lackguard were here.

- It'd be crap!

- I know, I hate them!

I only hang around with
them 'cause you're my mate.

You are, you know.

- Yeah I know.

- And they get dead narked 'cause of that.

That Rabbit, calls us poofters
just 'cause we stick together

but I'm no poofter.

I hate poofters more than anything.

- Yeah and me.

- Told that Rabbit idiot,
I've had more girls

than you've had dinners.

- And have ya?

- No I haven't had any.

- I haven't, all the way.

- That's what I told him.

- Have you never had it?

- I've had the top part loads of times

but I get dead nervous with girls.

- Yeah and me.

Hey, you know what I wish?

I wish two stark naked women
would come through those trees

across the water to us, don't you?

- No.

- Why?

- I'd still end up with the ugly one.

I wouldn't care though,
I'd still give her one.

[laughing]

And the other one and the first one

and both of them together!

Just to get me worn out!

- Come on!

- Where?

- Let's go see if we
can find any nude women

wandering about these woods.

Hey there's one!

- [Icky] Where?

- [Billy] There!

- [Icky] Where?

Where?

- [Billy] There!

- [Icky] And there!

- [Billy] I got a thistle in my prick!

- Urgh!

- What's up?

- Why are they hanging there?

- I've seen something like that
when I was with Ferris once.

- What is it?

- It's what they do to rats
and that when they catch them.

They hang them there.

- What for?

- It's like a warning, you know.

Making an example.

It's a warning to all the other rats

and things that shouldn't
be here to keep away.

- I hate rats, come on!

[gentle music]

- We're nearly there, once we
get over this mountain here.

- Come on, let's take the shortcut.

They should have escalators on mountains.

- Oh come on!

We gotta go all that way back up now.

- I'm starving!

There's no shops round here.

- Might be a chippy on
other side of the mountain.

- Shall we go home?

- How can we go home now?

The coppers will be looking for us.

- Your ma wouldn't have told the coppers

just 'cause you robbed the bingo money.

- You're joking, aren't ya?

She'd tell 'em straight away.

- Not your own mam.

You're already on probation,
if she reported you for that

you'd get put away.

- Yeah, she'd still tell 'em.

She hates me.

- She doesn't!

- She does, you know.

- [Icky] Why?

- If I had a kid like me, I'd hate him.

- [Icky] She always hated ya?

- When I was a kid, she liked me then.

I remember once we went to New Brighton

and I fell in the water
with all my clothes on,

thought she'd k*ll me

but she just wrapped
me up in this big towel

and dried me off.

She must've liked me then.

Funny, isn't it?

You wouldn't think they'd
have snakes round here.

- What?

They don't have snakes in England!

- Yeah but we're not in
England are we, soft arse?

We're in Wales.

- They don't have them here neither.

- Oh yes they do.

You never heard of Welsh rattlesnakes?

- Just trying to frighten me.

- Oh no, I'm not!

- You git, you've had it!

- They just slide through the grass.

- Oh sod off!

- But if you keep your ears
open you can hear them coming.

- You're just trying to frighten me.

- Look I'm not!

Come on.

- Jesus!

Nearly sh*t meself!

- [Billy] It's just a bird!

- Ah look!

Oh look!

- Look at them, aren't they horrible?

Listen to them.

- Hey, they must be hungry.

- Let's get a worm, where's a worm?

- Hey no, hang on.

Have you got any Mars bars left?

- Oh yeah.

- Ah, gis a bit.

- All right, you hungry little Herberts.

Just hold on, your dinner's here.

They love it, they can't get enough!

Look at them, nearly bit my
friggin' finger off, that one!

Look, better than worms off
the ground, isn't it eh?

You know what they say
little birds, don't ya?

♪ A Mars a day helps you
work, rest and play ♪

- I think they've had enough.

- Can't get enough, this one.

[children singing]

Now I'll leave this but don't
go eating it all at once.

- Hey mate!

Is Benllech Mountain over there?

- Benllech?

Pack, take a rest.

Any sandwiches left, finish them.

Are you with a school party?

- [Billy] Yeah we're camping

on the side of Benllech Mountain.

- No maps, no bad weather gear?

- You what?

- Think they can bring kids
into the country any old way.

Where are your teachers?

- They're all back at camp, we got lost.

- Yeah well you're not
too far as the crow flies.

Here, this yours?

- [Billy] No.

- [Icky] Hey lad, give us a sarnie!

- Pardon?

- [Icky] Give us a sandwich!

I hate cheese, what else have you got?

- None apart from cheese.

- Liar!

Here, let's have a look!

- Um, excuse me?

- What?

- [Akela] What are you doing?

- I'm having a sandwich, aren't 1?

He said I could have one, didn't ya?

- How far is it?

- You shouldn't be out here,
you know, dressed like that.

Especially when you can't
use a map and compass.

Look I think you'd better
come with us to the village.

You can get a bus from there.

- Yeah well we don't wanna get a bus.

- Akela, look!

- I used to be in the Cubs
once but they threw me out

for half strangling a kid
by pulling on his woggle.

- Come on!

- Hey!

Come here!

Did you do this?

- Us?

No!

- And I suppose you weren't
responsible for this?

- Look mate, we were
only trying to feed them.

- Feeding them?

You mean murdering them!

- They're only bleedin' birds!

- Oh that's all they are to you, is it?

Just something made for your convenience,

a little novelty you
can have your fun with

and then leave to die?

- We were only feeding them.

- And what if someone had done it to you?

What if someone had taken you at birth

and stuffed your mouth
so full you didn't have

a chance to live?

Well?

- Well I like Mars bars.

- People like you shouldn't
be allowed out here!

Pack, pack, pack, pack, pack!

Clear out, come on!

Everybody up, follow me, come on!

- Come on, let's get
to that bleedin' camp!

I'm done in!

Come on!

- This is it.

- [Icky] What?

- This is the camp.

- [Icky] Where's the huts,
the fire, the food, the soup?

- I don't know.

- The place to kip?

- It wasn't always like this.

It was dead warm when we came.

- You said it'd be warm, you b*stard!

You said there'd be some
staff and look at it,

you just said that, didn't you?

You lied!

- No I didn't!

- Well look, look at it, there's nothing!

- Look just shut it, you!

I didn't tell no sodding
lies, it was the truth.

- Well where's the frigging camp?

- I thought it was here!

I thought it was always here.

[thunder rumbling]

- It was just the place

where teachers put up tents, wasn't it?

There was nothing here,

it was just some sodding place
you went with the school,

when they packed and went
home there was nothing here.

All this way and it's
just a bleedin' mountain!

- I thought it'd be like it was before!

- What are we gonna do?

Where are we gonna go?

Oh sh*t, we've had it now!

- We could build a shelter.

- Don't be stupid, how
could we build a shelter?

- Well no one's gonna
do it for us, are they?

We're on our own.

Now get some sticks and
we'll get a fire going.

I said get some sticks!

We can do it, we can build a
shelter and get a fire going.

We're on our own and we can do it!

We could live here!

Hey, look!

- What?

- [Billy] Look.

- Yes you're coming in now, come on.

Come on then, come on,
there's a good girl.

Come on, good girl.

- What are you doing?

- I'm blocking up this hole
to keep the draught out.

- Jesus, I'm freezing!

- You'll be all right,
it'll get warm soon.

- Shut up!

- Me leg!

Something touched me leg, I'm getting out!

- [Billy] Look you'll be all
right, it'll only be a rat.

- Oh sh*t!

- Come on!

Rats in the country are
different from rats by us,

they're not sewer rats.

- Oh.

- Come on.

Look!

What's wrong?

Look you'll be all right,
it'll get warm soon.

- Then the rats'll come out.

- No they won't.

- I'm frightened.

- You'll be all right, I'll look after ya.

Do you want a ciggie?

- Yeah.

- [Bob] Yes?

- Your supper's on the hob.

I'm going to bed now.

- All right, I won't be long myself.

[screaming]

- It was, it was, it was another one!

I'm getting out!

- Look, there's nothing there!

- There is!

- Look leave it, will ya?

You're just imagining it.

Where the frigging hell are you going?

- I'm getting out, it was a rat!

Come on!

- sh*t, you've started a fire now.

- [Icky] Come on!

- No come and help me put
this out, we can stay here.

- Well?

What have you got to
say for yourselves then?

Well?

- What?

- What have you got to say?

- Do you want all those sandwiches?

- Right!

You already try and burn down by barn

and now you want my bloody supper!

I'll give you bloody sandwiches, boy.

Gwyneth!

Get on that phone, get
the police down here now.

- Oh shut up!

They weren't trying to burn the barn,

he was stamping it out.

Though God knows what you were doing

lighting matches in a barn.

- I told you, we got lost.

We were only trying to keep warm,

we were gonna go in the morning.

- From the camp at Benllech, is it?

- Yeah.

- Mm, well your teachers will
be very worried about you.

Perhaps I'd better phone the police,

get them to run you back, eh?

- You don't have to.

- Why?

- We said we mightn't be
back tonight, didn't we?

- Yeah.

- [Gwyneth] From Liverpool, aren't you?

- All the bloody same.

- [Gwyneth] Oh you better sit down.

Are you hungry?

- Starving!

- We had two boys here from
Liverpool during the evacuation.

- The w*r?

- During the w*r, yes.

Ah, they were marvellous boys.

- Marvellous, oh yes,
they were marvellous.

They hadn't been here a week.

When they saw my back was turned,

they took one of my
pigs down to the market,

sold it and spent the money
before I could find them.

Marvellous!

- Did they live here?

- [Gwyneth] 'Til the end of the w*r, yes.

- Did they have to go away then?

- Oh back home, yes.

Oh they're grown up now, of course,

but I'm told they did
very well for themselves.

- Oh aye?

They'd only been back home six months

and they were in trouble with the police!

- No they weren't.

- [Bob] Couple of years ago,

I saw their names in the paper,

arrested for armed robbery, both of them.

- [Gwyneth] That's not true.

- [Bob] They got 12 years each.

- No.

They're grown up now

but they always send us a card
at Christmas, don't they Bob?

- Huh.

What are we gonna do with these two then?

- [Gwyneth] Well we can't dry them out

in the middle of the night.

The spare room's free, they
can stay until the morning.

- We'd better nail down
everything that's moveable.

- And it's a proper wash now, understand?

A proper wash.

I'll put some more blankets
on the bed for you.

What are you doing?

- Who?

- [Gwyneth] You!

- I'm getting washed!

- Getting washed!

A proper wash I said, come on!

- I've got soap in my eye!

- Come on, now.

And what are you up to?

- What?

- Come on!

- Hey!

I can wash myself, get off!

- And you!

[snoring]

- Hey!

- What?

- It's better than kipping
with the rats, isn't it?

Get off!

Get off me, get off!

Get off me, get off, get off!

- What's so funny?

Better get some sleep.

Goodnight now.

Goodnight.

- Ta-rah.

- [Icky] Goodnight.

Hey.

- What?

- [Icky] She's mental, isn't she?

She's a headcase.

- Yeah.

Hey.

- [Icky] What?

- Don't you wish there was a w*r on?

- [Icky] What?

- No, no I'm going to sleep.

- [Icky] Hey, she's all
right though, isn't she?

You know what I mean.

She didn't phone the coppers, did she?

I wonder why.

- Maybe it's like you
said, she's all right.

You know, nice.

- [Icky] Suppose it could
be that, couldn't it?

- Yeah.

- Bob.

Bob.

Bob!

- If it's driving them to
Benllech in the morning,

then the answer would be no.

- There's no school camp at Benllech,

I went past there today.

- What?

- I think they're running
away from something.

- What should we do then?

- What will their poor
mothers be thinking?

- Well there's nothing to be done tonight.

Now come on, let's go to sleep.

- Yes you're right.

Let them have a good night's rest.

I'll phone the station in the morning,

get someone to fetch them.

Poor little devils, they'll
die if they stay out here.

- b*tch!

- What?

- Get your clothes on,
the coppers are here.

- Right, this way.

They'll come round.

- Doors!

- b*tch!

b*tch!

b*tch!

Twat!

[car engine running]

Come on!

[speaking in Welsh]

- Get off!

Hey!

Hey, youl!

Hey!

- Now!

Now!

I'll tell you once and only once.

You're on my land, you're in my river.

This is mine, all of it.

Now get out of it and get off it.

Go on!

- He wouldn't sh**t us, would he?

- Nah, he's bluffing!

- Hey dickhead, you don't own this land!

God owns all the land,
me dad says and if you--

- Oh Jesus!

- He's a madman, he's off his head!

- They're dry!

- Light one up for us.

- I can't, the matches are all soggy.

- Well get some sticks and
rub them together then.

- [Icky] We can't live out here.

- Why?

- Why?

Jesus, everywhere we
go, we get frigged off,

just like going on someone
else's patch at home.

You always have to leg it in the end.

- Yeah, well we'll find somewhere.

- They're gonna catch us, you know.

The coppers are gonna get us in the end.

- I know they will.

- Well?

- Well I'm not going back until they do.

- We could be home by tonight, you know.

It's all right round here if you're a cow

or a woolly back but it's not for us.

We can't live out here.

There's no shops.

- Look at that!

- [Icky] What?

- [Billy] That house!

- [Icky] Where?

- There.

Hey!

Get the f*gs!

Hey it's great, that.

We could fix it up,
nobody'd know we were here.

We could grow things.

[gentle music]

Hey, we could live here.