05x21 - w*r on Wheels

[bunniefuu]

I've been seen with Sparrow.

I've never been with anything less than a
man.

So fine.

I've been on fire with Sally Field.

Gone fast with a girl named Bo.

But somehow they just don't end up as...

It's a death defying life I lead.

I take my chances.

I die for liberties.

Kiss some other guy while I'm bandaging my
knee.

I've

never spent much time in school.

But I totally, it is plenty.

It's true I hire my body.

The hay, it's only hay.

Hay, hay.

Elbow pads, sleeve pads, adhesive tape.

Jack.

g*n bandages, tweezers, alcohol in them.

Jack.

Can you turn that thing down?

Huh?

Turn it down.

Oh.

Well, I was just trying to get a move for
the picture that we're doing.

Yeah, well I'm more interested in the
vacation we're taking after we finish work.

By the way, did you pack all the
freshwater gear?

Oh, I packed it.

But you know we're not going to get a
chance to use it.

Sure we will.

We're only working on
this picture a couple of days

and we're right in the
heart of catfish country.

Pan fried over an open fire.

Hard to beat.

Kid, according to this fishing magazine,
they've even got great trout streams.

Well, do you know how it always turns out?

As soon as we get a
free minute, there's Pearl

blackmailing us into tracking
down a skip someplace.

I'm amazed she hasn't called already.

Hi, this is Colt.

Can't talk right now.

Leave a message, I'll get back to you.

Don't bet on it.

Oh, I forgot.

What?

My plan's for Adam.

Adam who?

It stands for A-D-A-M.

Armored Demolition and as*ault Machine.

We're going to use it in the picture.

You see, I designed a few technical
refinements for it.

I'll show you when we get there.

If we can ever get out of here.

Leave a message, I'll get back to you.

Colt, don't jab me.

I'm not...

You guys

are not going to believe this machine.

I modified it myself.

We're going to use it for next week's
sh**t.

Uh-oh, now we're in trouble.

For starters, these babies will keep any
pursuers at arm's length.

Unless, of course, they like driving
without tires.

All right, what if somebody's coming at
you from behind?

Simple.

An oil slick.

What do you think?

I think you almost got a lethal cleaning
bill.

What else does it do?

I thought you'd never ask.

Come on.

Watch this.

Huh?

Huh?

Pretty good.

But this is my favorite.

I put this together myself.

Remote control.

What do you think?

I gotta hand it to you, kid.

It's very impressive.

Knobbing a knob is as easy as it starts.

Of course it will.

All I have to do is push this button.

Right here.

Right here.

You better hurry.

Well, it worked yesterday.

What are you doing here, Farrell?

Whatever it is, we don't need work.

Colt, you're making a big mistake.

I know that you're looking to buy that new
satellite dish.

But you're a little...

Look, who needs cash?

I have credit.

I wouldn't be so sure.

What's that?

Credit report.

I just happened to have a copy.

A real tear-jerker.

You gotta be kidding.

My credit's great.

Was, Colt, was.

I know a convicted embezzler with a higher
credit rating.

How'd this happen?

This is terrible.

Well, probably one of those computer
glitches.

I understand they're quite common.

You didn't happen to have anything to do
with this, did you?

Are you accusing me of pulling a low-down,
underhanded trick?

However... I just might
be able to fix it for you.

All right, what's the deal?

Name's Jake Lewis.

This meatball checked in at a campground
up the road a few miles.

All you have to do is put him on a plane
to L.A.

and I'll give you ten grand.

A piece of cake, Colt.

Cake gives me a hard burn.

Have we got a deal?

What about my credit?

I'll see what I can do.

Hey, look at that.

Ain't she pretty?

She's mine.

Maybe a lady has something to say about
that.

Buzz off before you get hurt.

Watch it, Jake.

Mm-hmm.

Every dog has his day.

Yeah.

Remember that.

Right.

Looks

like you need the help of a big,
strong man.

No, thanks.

I'm just about finished.

Well, that's all right, Mama.

I'm just getting started.

Pearl is right.

That campground should just be up the
road.

Let's make this as quick and painless as
possible.

Why don't you come on over here,
sweet honey?

You'll whisper a few soft things in my
ear.

You stay away from me!

You don't need that.

That's him!

That's Pearl's piece of cake.

I tell you, that woman has an iron
constitution.

All right, let her go.

What, are you some kind of hero?

Never crossed my mind.

Come on, Mama.

Get up, Cody!

Come on!

Let me up!

Let me up!

We don't know who's gonna pass this way,
man.

Who are you, anyway?

My name is Severs.

A judge in L.A.

wants to talk to you.

Bounty hunter.

You got it.

Well, I got news for you, Severs.

You're taking me nowhere.

We'll see about that.

What's my boy's, Severs?

Pearl didn't mention any boys.

Well, her memory can be real convenient
sometimes.

Let's go.

They got Jake!

Well, hold on.

I'll get these guys off her tail.

Don't

worry about him, Severs.

In fact, just get him.

If you think your friends are gonna catch
us, you got another thing coming, pal.

I don't know, kid.

He might be right.

You know what I mean?

This road leads to an isolated canyon.

I used to come fishing there.

The only way out is back the way we came.

That means my g*ng will be waiting.

Well, what are we gonna do?

Well, there's a little town in the valley
called Trinity Pines.

I'm hoping the sheriff will let us use his
jail for a while.

You were here?

Three years ago.

Come on!

This is weird.

Yeah, it reminds me of one of those end-of
-the-world movies.

You know, a lone survivor searching for
the last vestiges of civilization.

You know, Howie's right.

This is a ghost town.

That's right, honey.

But I'm sure it could stand a few more
ghosts.

Colt, what do you suppose happened to
everybody?

Beats me.

Right now, that's not our problem.

Let's get out of here.

Did you hear that?

Sounds like it came from the diner.

Let's take a look.

Hello?

Hugh!

Who were you expecting?

Oh, I don't know.

You scared me, that's all.

I can't tell you how relieved I am to see
you.

My name is Chris Travers.

Colt Seavers.

Well, come on.

These are my friends Howie and Jody.

I've met her other friend there.

Hi, my name's Chris.

I'm afraid I didn't get to thank you
properly back there.

I was afraid of that.

I don't blame you.

Are you police?

Bounty hunters.

Jake here is a fugitive.

He was.

And I will be again, ma'am.

Where is everybody?

Gone.

The last people left probably two months
ago.

A federal project is turning this whole
place into a giant reservoir, and they

brought everybody out under imminent
domain.

Well, what are you doing here?

Well, it's kind of a long story.

Personal hasn't worked out.

Anyway, thank you again for your help.

Jake's friends.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, I'm out of here.

All over now.

It isn't gonna tear you apart.

Now, now, hold it right there.

I blew away the first person that moves.

There you are.

I said hold it.

Better listen to me.

I seriously doubt my own grandfather's
gonna sh**t me.

Chris, what's going on here?

Have any idea of the trouble that you've
caused me?

No.

The county called me at work and told me
you're refusing to leave town.

That's right.

I ain't moving.

Now talk about trouble.

Who brought that vermin here?

That's got nothing to do with it.

This town's gonna be under 200 feet of
water.

Trinity Pines is dead, Grandpa.

But I ain't.

And stop calling me Grandpa.

You don't have the right.

They've been up here to see me in years.

You know that.

I hate to break up a family reunion,
but we got trouble outside.

There's no trouble?

All you have to do is let me go.

No chance of that, pal.

Colt, we're gonna be staying longer than
we thought.

They just turned your four-ply tires into
eight.

Better give it up.

I think you're slightly outnumbered,
Bounty Hunter.

Maybe this will even up the odds.

I don't think they're coming home too
much.

How's that?

No b*ll*ts.

Terrific.

You're not going out there, are you?

I've got a better idea.

Where's Jake?

I'll do the talking.

Look, I got no beef with you.

Only with Jake.

The judge in Los Angeles wants to see him.

It's my job to bring him back.

Well then, I guess it's my job to stop
you.

I wouldn't recommend it.

All right, sucker.

You wanna play games?

This has been cut off.

There's no power, no food, no phone,
and no water.

We gotta shut off.

And nobody goes anyplace until Jake is set
free.

Yeah.

Like now.

How many shots can he get off until we
take him?

How many are you willing to risk to find
out?

Okay.

Okay.

You want a w*r?

You don't!

I left

this town when everybody else did.

We wouldn't be in this mess.

I thought I told you to stop calling me
Grandpa.

I don't see you in years, then you show up
with a whole invasion force.

They didn't come with me.

No, but they'll leave it with you.

Go on, get out of here.

I wish it was that easy.

Nobody's going anywhere as long as they're
out there.

You had your chance, Severs.

Stretch, get to the other side of town and
tell those boys to stay put.

What about Jake?

What are you going to do about him?

Actually, I was thinking about letting the
bounty hunter keep this sucker.

Jake would never sell you out.

I told you I was getting him out,
didn't I?

Only from now on, we do things my way.

Found this stuff out back.

Gave me an idea.

You see there?

Any sign of Sam?

No, I didn't see him anywhere.

Something funny over there?

I was just thinking.

You know, if that poor old man tried to
leave this place alone, you know,

he's probably out there roasting over a
fire by now.

So what are we going to do, Colt?

We're going to get him to attack us.

What?

Look, here's the main street.

Draw him out in the
center of town and get

him to chase me down
this alley by the diner.

Oh, we're going to do that rope trick like
we did in the Fonda picture.

You got it.

Uh, Colt, in the Fonda picture,
Fonda was bitten to a pulp by the bikers.

Yeah, well, I got a little different
ending in mind this time.

Chris, I'm going to need your car.

It's out back.

But we can't just leave my grandfather.

Look, if we can get Jake out of town,
those renegades are bound to follow.

They don't even know Sam's here.

He'll be all right.

That doesn't solve my problem.

Still, you better come with us.

You can come back later and deal with your
grandfather.

Look, I don't know if...

Look, either we use your
car and make a run for it,

or we stay here and
recreate Custer's last stand.

Thanks.

How do you make short fuses for these
kerosene lamps?

Jody, you'll handle the rope.

You sure they're just watching the plant?

Come on.

Come on, the cafe!

Come on, the cafe!

We gonna hit the road now, Jake?

Yeah.

Right after we settle.

Let's go over to Seavers.

You okay?

You don't have to worry about me.

I'll take care of myself.

I sure don't like Cole being out there
alone.

He'll be all right.

This is all your fault.

Don't blame me.

You could have kept right on going.

So bright and left you to those th*gs.

I can take care of myself and do it for a
good many years.

Don't you forget it.

Besides, it wasn't me who brought those
hoodlums here.

No, all you did was decide to live in a
ghost town.

Grandpa, why won't you leave this
godforsaken valley?

Because this godforsaken valley is my
home.

I married your grandmother here.

I raised your mother here.

And I buried both of them right here in
this town.

And there ain't nothing or nobody that's
gonna make me leave it.

You understand?

Why don't you just be reasonable and stop
living in the past?

I found a way to take care of everything.

And what's that?

It's a beautiful place.

Trees, a lovely lake, lots of people your
own age to talk to.

Oh, yeah?

And you sit on the porch with a clue over
your legs?

Real nice.

It's a rest home.

It's a way to get me out of here.

Well, no thanks.

It's a slow death.

It's not my idea of any way to go.

You're impossible.

Hey, you figure pretty good.

Sometimes.

Yeah, come on, I'll show you.

Yeah,

this tunnel dates back to prohibition
days.

Where does it lead?

Goes to that hardware store on the edge of
town.

Feel good to be free, Jake?

Sure does.

You know, under other circumstances,
I think you and I would have a good time.

We have a lot to talk about.

See, I want to thank you for getting those
punks off my back.

I know what it costs.

Forget it.

You'd have done the same.

You all did a good job of getting me free.

I just wonder what took you so long.

He had the g*n, Jake.

That's right.

You afraid of that little old pea-sh**ter
stretch?

Or you?

Of course, all that's gone now.

Everybody's gone.

Except you.

Yeah, because I'm more mule-headed than
anybody else.

They're made of stronger stuff.

Takes one to know one.

K.B.

was calling the shots.

If you had his way, you'd still be wearing
them handcuffs.

How's that?

Oh, he was thinking about letting that
bounty hunter keep you.

Is that so?

K.B.?

You never should have let him get you in
the first place.

That don't explain selling me out.

Hey, but I got you out, didn't I?

Let's get it straight, Jake.

You got beat, and I got you out.

And as far as I'm concerned, from now on,
I'm saying how we move and when we move.

Is that a fact?

Yeah.

I intend to make it one.

You really ready to take me on,
K.B.?

Ain't you forgetting the last man that
tried?

I'm ready, Jake.

Right here and right now.

Okay.

I'll fight you.

This first thing's first.

And that bounty hunter's first.

We'll take him tonight.

I got an idea.

You really want to set this one out and
conserve your strength.

I'll understand.

I'm sure the g*ng will, too.

Do you think they're all right?

Don't worry.

Colt will take care of himself.

It's not Colt I'm worried about.

Well, from what I've seen of your
grandfather, he's far from a helpless old man.

No, no.

He just won't listen to reason.

Maybe what you're offering doesn't fit his
definition of reason.

Look, I'm not the villain here.

I've got no control over a federal water
project.

Last home can't seem like much of a
future.

Well, there's no future here.

What else can I do?

Is that, uh, is that Sam?

My whole family.

That's Sam and Grandma, my parents.

God, I used to love Sam when I was a kid.

Is that you?

Yeah.

Skinny little kid.

Sam was always trying to fatten me up.

I haven't had anybody.

Not since my parents died in a car
accident two years ago.

And Sam, well, you see how he is,
kind of like me, a real loner.

Maybe that isn't by choice.

What are you all gawping at?

We were just looking at these pictures.

Oh, that old stuff.

Yeah, those were the days.

You know, you had this little teddy bear.

You used to haul that teddy bear just all
over Creation.

You sure were a cute little thing.

You were too skinny, though.

Um, where's Colt, Sam?

Oh, he's in the tunnel.

He wants to see you.

He's got an idea.

Jake said you have a plan.

Well, I think so.

One of Jake's men turned against him.

I think I can take advantage of that.

Challenge him to a fight.

Kind of one-on-one.

If I win, we walk away free and clear.

Well, I'll get him.

Why would Jake go for that?

Well, he won't want to.

But he'll lose face if he doesn't.

There's honors on the line.

Okay, but even if you win, do you think
the others will let us go?

No way.

I'm only staging this fight as a cover.

While everybody's watching, Jake and I go
at it.

You get through the tunnel and get around
behind them.

Grab one of the bikes.

Get back to the movie location and get the
cops out here.

Okay.

I'm ready any time.

I know.

Not just yet.

You should dress like this more often.

Oh, yeah, right.

Just glad there isn't a mirror down here.

Is that it?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Bye.

Good luck.

I hope he knows what he's doing.

Don't worry.

Jake!

Jake Lewis!

What the hell?

It's between you and me, Jake.

What's he up to?

You want something, Severs?

Your beef is with me, Jake, not with the
others.

Well, maybe we can settle this kind of man
-to-man.

I win, you let the others go.

You have no position to bargain,
Severs.

I know that.

But I thought maybe you were a man enough
to take me up on it.

Guess I was wrong.

What's the matter, Jake?

Don't you think you can take them?

Why the hell should I?

Take them all.

Sounds to me like you're afraid to fight
the man.

Okay, Severs.

Kansas City, Golden Gloves.



Stunman Jr., 1985.

Are you kidding?

He's dripping.

You see the way he took that bunk apart?

Now we keep them from doing the same to
us.

Jake, you're out.

g*n or no g*n, we're gonna get him,
right?

We get him now.

Who you doing in that?

Get up.

I didn't think there's filming today.

I don't have time to explain.

Where is everybody?

In town, for the weekend.

Oh, great.

Look, there's a little town near here
called Trinity Pines.

I gotta get the local law up there.

Sure, but it'll take some time.

I don't have any time.

Look, you call the sheriff.

You tell him that there's a g*ng that's
coming.

A g*ng that's terrorizing people in
Trinity Pines.

He should get as many units up there as
quickly as possible.

Tell him not to sh**t me.

The guy with the green hair.

Will do.

Will do.

They've got themselves a battering ram.

Where's Colt?

Oh, he's at the other
end of the tunnel, making

sure it's clear in case
we need to make a run.

The time is now.

Why?

That's a perfectly good oak door,
isn't it?

The door is oak, but the frame is pine.

Let's move.

Get him!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Let's hope we can buy him more time.

Me too.

What's out there?

Not good, but we're gonna wait for Howie.

Hope they don't find us.

I get Severs.

He's mine.

It's the kid.

No!

No!

You see what's outside?

I don't care what's happening outside.

I see what's happening inside.

You had your chance.

Come on, Jake.

You're coming with me.

Great timing, kid.

Dog!

You

better flick your big, kid.

You better hit your oil.

I don't see any others.

It's helping for sure.

He's gonna ram us!

I don't know what you can take.

Drink and oil, baby.

All right, get out of here.

Find some cover.

I'm gonna give the circus a grand finale.

I'm coming with you, Colt.

Now, keep an eye on Jake.

Get out!

Be careful, Severs!

Now you're dead.

Well, I wouldn't jump to conclusions.

Now, remote control.

Well, all I got left is root beer.

Hey, well, that's just fine for us.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Yoko, that was a great move you did with
the remote control.

Well, you think it was a great move,
but our producers might not.

I destroyed a very expensive prop.

Well, maybe the fuel covered it.

I doubt it.

It never has.

Well, with all those cops out
there, it's like valet parking in France.

Yeah, we better hope they don't skip.

We're not going after that bunch again.

By the way, how's my credit?

I handled it.

It seemed this credit
company's computer had this

little glitch that caused
all the misunderstanding.

Oh, well, good.

I'll know where to look if I hear
about a son of a... a glitch in the future.

Uh, Grandpa?

Yeah?

Listen, I...

I want to leave it up to you.

Leave what up to me?

Wherever you want to go, it's okay.

But if you want to come with me...

Oh, sit on the porch and have a quilt over
my legs?

No.

No.

What I mean is...

If you want...

I'd like you to come live with me.

No

good living in the past?

I'd like it very much.

Colt Seavers here.

You got my satellite dish ready?

Yes, sir.

I got the 500 cash right here in my hand.

And my credit checked out all right,
huh?

Good.

Oh, no, no, no.

That was just a little computer glitch.

They worked it out, though.

Great.

Great.

Good.

I'll be down within the hour.

Thanks, Henry.

I'm finally gonna get that satellite dish.

Hey, I can hardly wait to
watch those Canadian fishing

reports and sumo wrestling
shows I've been dying to watch.

Mail's in.

What do you think?

Good.

Except from Pearl.

Hey, 10 grand, not bad for one day,
huh?

Oh, well, I could use a few less days like
that.

Oh, what's this?

It's from the production accounting
department.

Oh.

They're charging us for damages.

Adam, $7,000.

Oh.

Well, we've still got three grand.

Well, that's not all.

The charge is $2,000 for the caterers.

Still got a grand.

I haven't gotten to the
tables and the chairs

and this whole bunch
of other stuff here.

Well, what's the bottom line?

$11,200.

You think they'd settle for $10,500?

All right.

Henry?

Henry?

Coach Seavers here.

It's about that satellite dish.