Come
on, it's only three weeks' work.
You can postpone this trip.
No way.
Colt, do you realize what you're giving
up?
For what?
A week in Santa Barbara?
Yeah, with a woman who's sensitive,
beautiful, intelligent, and happens to
think that I have tremendous animal
magnetism.
Yeah, but in a week, she's gonna find out
the truth.
Very funny.
But I'm going, and that's that.
And don't open that door.
Colt, this could be important.
All right, but if it's work, I'm not here.
Hi.
A registered letter for Mr. Colt Seavers.
Yeah, I'll sign for that.
Thanks.
It's a registered letter.
Open it up, kid.
Greetings.
Read it to yourself.
It affects my trip.
I don't want to hear it.
You may have to cancel your trip
altogether.
What is it, my family?
Well, in a way, it's, uh...
It's from your uncle.
Your Uncle Sam.
What?
And a man your age.
What is it?
Colt, you've just been drafted.
What?
I'm sure I can straighten this out with
one phone call.
Thank you for holding.
I'm sorry, Mr. Seavers.
Our computers indicate the orders are
correct.
You'll have to report for duty at Fort
Rochelle as instructed.
Hey.
I'm trying to tell you there's been a
mistake.
I've already been in the Army.
I'm in the Inactive Reserves.
Besides, the draft's over.
On your way, soldier.
Excuse me, sir.
Can we talk?
Look, somebody's made a terrible mistake.
I should be on my way to Santa Barbara
right now.
Move it, soldier.
Move it!
I
don't need a haircut, sir.
Get in there.
That won't be necessary, Lieutenant.
Yes, sir.
What do you say, Colt?
Rick, did you do this to me?
Uh, you got to call me Colonel Halston,
Sergeant.
Yes, I did.
Well, let's go to my office and I'll tell
you all about it.
I hope it isn't far.
Yeah, well, I know it's a dirty trick.
And in fact, I have no legal right to call
you up.
But I was hoping an old Army buddy would
do me a favor, you know.
Come on, Rick.
You're more than an old Army buddy.
You saved my life.
Forget that stuff.
That's ancient history.
Oh, I remember Da Nang like it was
yesterday.
I'd do anything for you, almost.
I appreciate that.
I got problems, buddy boy.
I got thieves in one of my battalions.
Uh, they're systematically ripping off
Army equipment.
The last time it happened, one of my MPs
was k*lled trying to stop him.
I want you to help me nail him.
And their buyer.
Why me?
I've never forgotten how you busted up
that black market ring in Saigon.
I never have.
And you're the best bounty hunter in the
business, so...
But you got your own criminal
investigating division.
Why not use them?
I'm not sure I can trust them.
Oh, I have one suspect here.
This guy.
He's a Lieutenant Nulty.
He's a CID officer.
He's assigned to supply.
In my opinion, Colt, these thefts couldn't
be occurring without his involvement.
But I think he's just the tip of the
iceberg.
How can I investigate him?
I'd need some kind of cover.
Ah, yes.
Well, you're gonna be a drill instructor,
buddy boy, for a motivation platoon.
Remember them?
It's a perfect cover.
You'll have access to every part of the
base.
And this way, no one will get suspicious.
Motivation platoon, you mean?
Screw-ups, misfits, petty criminals.
Your kind of guys, yeah.
Wipe those smiles off your faces.
This is without a doubt the sorriest bunch
of dire licks I have ever seen.
What's your name?
Sinclair.
I can't hear you.
Sinclair, sir.
I still can't hear you.
Sir, Sinclair.
Sinclair, sir.
Sinclair, running a book-making operation.
Sir, that's correct.
Sir.
Three, sir.
Four, six, sir.
Who are you?
Sir, the Private's name is Malone.
Sir.
Malone vandalized four typewriters in
battalion supply.
Sir, I'm a warrior, not a pencil pusher.
It's humiliating for me to be a clerk
typist.
I know 37 ways to k*ll a man with my bare
hands.
I welcome a chance to return to the field
of honor, sir.
General Patton said... Malone!
Sir, yes, sir.
Shut up!
What are you smiling at?
I have seen enough.
I am sick.
But I'm going to make soldiers out of you,
whether you like it or not.
Now, double time back to your barracks.
Flip it!
Double time!
All right, that's more like it.
You're going to cut it.
Yeah.
Thanks.
But I'm going to need some additional
help.
I'll pull anybody you need.
Ah.
Two I've got in mind are civilians.
Or at least they thought they were.
Are you sure all this is necessary?
Investigation has to be kept under wraps,
Jody.
I needed people I could count on.
We'll have a wonderful time.
Hey.
I'm a first lieutenant, right?
Yeah.
That means I get to order him around.
Corporal Munson, the man who thought it
was so hilarious that I got drafted.
You certainly did.
It's all right.
I'm the one who went through our OTC.
I should have been commissioned,
not her.
Kid, I have to put Jody
in battalion supply so she
can figure out how the
thefts are being covered up.
She'll need rank to do that.
Yeah.
So what am I going to do?
You are going to keep an eye on this
Lieutenant Nolte.
Yeah, well, okay.
I'm going to need a good cover.
How about adjutant to Colonel Halston?
Or maybe head of the officer's mess?
I'm sorry, kid.
I want to need you close at hand.
Like in my platoon.
What was that you were saying about a guy
my age?
Anybody getting suspicious?
Not that I can tell.
Good.
How much of Wilkes is shopping list we put
together?
Almost everything.
We're keeping him in the truck.
Yeah.
All we need now are those tactical
computers.
They haven't been received by supply yet.
I thought it might look a little funny if
I, uh, special alert them.
Well, I don't like keeping that stuff on
the base.
You go into town and you tell Wilkes that
I want to deliver.
We'll get the computers later.
It's okay.
Jody's gone to supply.
Howie's following Nolte.
Nothing to report now.
I got a little flag on the play for my
end.
I've been called to a general staff
conference at Fort Ord.
I'll be away for about 48 hours.
You can't leave us.
Nothing to worry about.
I'll just be gone for two days.
Look, we'll be operating alone.
What am I supposed to do?
You continue on with the investigation.
It's all right.
Just remember, nobody knows about you.
Just remember, nobody knows about you.
So don't tell anyone.
Get a couple of these guys.
Send them over to polish the general's
car.
Okay, buddy boy.
Slatkin, Sinclair, get over to the m*rder
pool.
They got a job for you.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Double time.
I want you men.
..
Good morning, General.
I want you men to stay with my car.
I want you to do a good job on it.
It's brand new.
You can count on us, sir.
Believe me, sir.
You won't recognize.
Very well.
We'll do you proud, sir.
Carry on.
That new serge.
I think I'd rather be in the stockade.
Instead, I'd have to exercise.
Tell me about it.
Restricted to base.
No women.
No gambling.
What do they think this is?
The army?
She wished we'd get into town.
Hey!
What are you doing?
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
I gotta leave the base.
It's an emergency.
Can I take this car?
Sure, Corporal.
Take it.
But we'll have to come along.
Well, I can't do that.
Sorry, sir.
We were ordered to stay with the car.
All right.
All right.
Get in.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let's go.
You should stay away from guys like that.
He's CID.
Come with us.
Get a brew.
Yeah.
Come on.
Come on.
No bors.
Yeah, you guys stay here.
Stay here?
Corporal, that's cruel.
Tapio.
And we're very, very thirsty, sir.
You guys stay put and that is an order.
Just about.
I don't like short orders.
What's missing?
This isn't a supermarket.
You take what you can get.
I said, what's missing?
The field logistic computers.
The M2Z10s.
Two Z-tins.
They're at the top of my list.
You tell your boss to get them.
You want to have some fun with the
soldiers?
Hey, isn't that a general's car?
Sure, that's me.
General Sinclair.
You look awfully young to be a general.
Well, what can I say?
I'm a military genius.
Let me know when the order is filled.
And don't call me until it is.
Sure.
If you can catch us.
We
were just doing our job.
Polishing the general's car.
You're the one that commandeered it.
Any force?
Goldfish.
The Sarge will k*ll us.
Uh-oh, here he is.
Guard, you can release these men into my
custody.
They were just arrested.
They're in my motivation platoon.
That's considered the same as detention.
Okay.
You got the stomach for him, Sarge.
All yours.
Thanks, sir.
Save the thanks, Slatkin.
By the time I'm through with you,
you'll be begging to get back in here.
Now, double-time it to the yard.
I want to see some push-ups.
Now.
What the hell do you think you were doing,
kid?
Try to remember, we're not the ones
supposed to go to jail.
I'm sorry, Cole.
Well, at least we know Colonel Halston was
right about Nolte.
He's up to his eyebrows in these thefts.
Yeah, the Colonel's also convinced there's
a conspiracy.
We gotta nail Nolte's boss and the whole
ring.
Well, how do we do that?
Well, what Howie's found out, the buyer's
eager to get his hands on a field computer.
Yeah, the M2Z10.
So, from your position
as battalion supplier, I want
you to order a whole
truckload for the base ASAP.
And as soon as those computers arrive,
Nolte and his pals are gonna try and grab
him, so all we have to do is be there to
catch him in the act, right?
Right.
In the meantime, we'll all keep an eye on
Nolte.
Maybe he'll lead us to the rest.
Ah, Cole, you've got close order drill
with the men in 15 minutes.
Fine, I'll hold it right outside Nolte's
office here.
All right, get on that order.
Hitch up!
Step face!
Forward punch!
Punch!
I don't believe this.
What's the matter with you guys?
Get in step!
Right face!
Munson, front and center.
Yes, sir?
Get these men closer to drill until I get
back.
It'll be a privilege, sir.
I'll have these grunts moving like a lean,
mean fighting machine, sir.
Just drill them.
Nolte's leaving.
All right, you lily-livered maggots!
Let's see what you guys are made of!
Jee-haw!
Slide, Ken!
Sinclair!
Pull in those guts!
You too, Becker!
All right, platoon!
Left face!
Forward!
Hatch!
Left!
Left!
Hatch!
Zero!
Hatch!
We
want a partial shipment.
We're gonna have to wait till we get our
hands on the moon fuel computers.
Then we'll get rid of the whole stockpile.
But the Major wanted all this stuff off
base.
Don't worry.
The truck's hidden in Area Key Law.
Nobody will find it there.
Listen, I'll talk to Burgess about this.
Terrific, Munson.
You had to get fancy when the General was
watching.
Fancy?
You call forward march fancy?
Excuse me, gentlemen, but duty calls.
Isn't he a suave guy?
Hi, there.
Out of my way, soldier.
You know, Lieutenant, I requisitioned for
a beautiful woman.
A beautiful blonde over three months ago.
I thought the Army had forgotten her.
Now, all I can promise you is that we have
time for one unforgettable evening.
I can promise you one unforgettable year
in solitaire if you don't step aside.
What are you staring at, Corporal?
Nothing, ma'am.
Stop slouching, soldier!
And suck that gut in!
Yes, ma'am.
And polish those boots.
And while you're at
it, why don't you do
something about that
whole disgusting uniform?
Yes, sir.
I mean, yes, ma'am.
I love a woman that takes command.
Hi, I'm Lieutenant Banks.
Lieutenant Nelty.
You must be the computer expert we heard
about.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm here to review your inventory for
possible streamlining.
Can you show me your records?
Uh, yes, Lieutenant.
Right over here.
Okay, great.
Listen, I'm just going to set myself up
right over here.
And you won't even notice me.
I doubt that very much.
Hey, that's not the M2Z10, is it?
Sure is.
This is the Pentagon's latest.
It's designed for both the office and the
field.
And in combat, it can automatically
communicate your position to base command.
Where'd you come by this machine?
Oh, it's just a sample from the shipment
coming in.
I didn't hear anything about a shipment.
Oh, well, no wonder the colonel wants your
inventory computerized.
There's 40 of these coming in this
afternoon.
You guys are a mess here.
These logs have backed up for six months.
There's no cross-plotting.
Who knows what came in lately?
And what you see in front of you is our
latest APC.
Armored Personnel Carrier.
Now, the Army believes that you are
capable of operating it.
So let's try not to disappoint them.
The object of the exercise is simple.
On my command, you will climb into the
vehicle, run the course, then hit the
field, simulating deployment under combat
conditions.
Is there any questions?
Here's the shipment, just like she said.
Hey, yeah, Slatkin, what is it?
Uh, can I be excused from this exercise,
sir?
I kind of get motion sickness in these
cramped conditions, sir.
Slatkin, this isn't summer camp.
Try and pull yourself together.
Let's go.
Sucker even left the gear.
Jeez, Major Burgess is gonna be real happy
about this.
Hey,
hey, whoa, something's going on.
Hey, let's help the Sarge.
Inside the APC!
You can't catch him in this thing.
Hey, this baby's faster than you think.
Come on!
All right, all right, come on,
get in, get in.
Well, does anybody know how to drive this
thing?
I don't drive anything.
Someone's on our tail.
Munson, a few casualties are unavoidable.
This time, you men stay where you belong.
I'm glad you're here, Major Burgess.
I won't allow you to protest.
What is it, Sergeant?
The base legal officer is forcing me to
take these idiots back.
What?
I couldn't believe it either, sir.
Seems the vehicle they were in might be
defective.
Pending investigation, they've ordered
them released into my custody.
You must be crazy.
Think how I feel, sir.
I don't believe this.
This is your responsibility.
No, sir.
Our army's going to hell in a handbasket.
Yes, sir.
Ray Latham.
What about my protest?
That, Sergeant, is your problem.
That's good.
Hi, Sarge.
Becker, it's sir to you.
And don't you hi me.
Now move it.
Munson, I want to talk to you.
Yes, sir.
Request permission to speak, sir.
What is it, Sinclair?
Well, I know the base legal officer.
He hates me, sir.
He never would have signed those orders.
You faked him, didn't you?
You're okay, Sarge.
All right, move it.
Be very careful with that stuff.
And move it.
Let's go.
Move.
You get in touch with Wilkes, and you tell
him that the order is filled.
You think it's wise to move this stuff out
so soon after that chase?
Well, somebody's on to us.
I don't want to leave it on the base.
It might be a search.
Besides, we'll never get better cover than
today's maneuvers.
Keep guards posted.
So we've got everything ready to move out,
okay?
You know, Melty and his boss must be scared
now that they've got those computers.
They're going to be trying to get rid of
that stuff as soon as possible.
We've got to find it before they do.
How?
This is a big base.
All we know is that they're in trucks
somewhere in area Kilo.
Yeah, which is.
Well, they probably have the trucks
stashed in those woods.
I don't think so.
There's too many roads, too much traffic.
It could be spotted.
Wait a minute.
Here's a series of ravines.
Now, inside one of them, a truck could be
completely out of sight.
There's still a lot of ground to cover.
How are we going to do it?
Well, my platoon's got to pass wilderness
orienteering for its readiness test.
I think now's the perfect time to take
them out.
We could use them to search.
They won't even know it.
This orienteering exercise will split up
into two groups.
Each group will have to go
to a designated area, and from
there, using only a compass,
make their way back to base.
Munson.
Yo.
You lead the first group with Malone,
Slatkin, Mendez, and Schultz.
Sinclair.
Sir.
You lead the second group with Becker and
Parsons.
I'll come with you to observe.
Sir, request permission to speak,
sir.
What is it, Malone?
Sir, wouldn't it be more realistic if we
were given real information?
All ammunition for our weapons,
sir.
Malone, this is orienteering exercise,
not search and destroy.
All right, Munson, here's your team's
instructions.
If you spot the truck, radio its position
to me.
All right.
Sinclair, here's yours.
All right, let's see if you kiddies can do
something right.
Private, get that truck out of here.
Okay, move it!
All right, come on, guys, let's go!
Come on!
You guys form up up here with me.
Like, what we're gonna do is head up over
this ridge here, and then we're gonna
crawl across over the top of that if
you... Well, wait a minute, Munson.
Let's do this right.
Well, what is that?
We're in the field.
Well, let's act like it.
Let's make Sarge proud of us for once.
Come on, guys, get some brush and
camouflage yourselves.
Yeah, this could be fun!
What about you, Corporal?
Where's your esprit de corps?
Move out, guys!
Forty
degrees to the north?
Say, Shorty, how are you at reading this
thing?
How
come it's got a Z on it?
That's an N.
You're reading it sideways.
Oh!
Sinclair?
This way, come on.
Hey, Sarge, is it kosher to hitch a ride?
You guys stay here.
Don't do anything.
Stay out of sight.
Pleasure, sir.
Hey, Becker, you know how to play
blackjack?
Not very well.
Excellent, excellent.
What's going on?
The deal's arranged with Wilkes.
We're delivering the goods at 1500 hours
during maneuvers.
Malone, this is not the right direction.
Munson, I was an Eagle Scout.
I know where we're going.
I think I'm alert to something.
Are you guys itching at all?
Slatkin, there's weeds on your helmet.
I think they're poison oak.
Oh, no!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, look.
That's the truck we were chasing
yesterday.
Yeah, you're right.
Slatkin, get on the radio.
Contact the Sarge.
Come on, come on.
Sarge?
Mayday.
Sarge?
Slatkin, what is it?
What's wrong with that radio?
I think the battery's dead, Corporal.
How are we delivering the goods?
Wilkes is getting a truck to transfer the
stuff.
He'll meet us at the southwest corner of
the base perimeter.
There's not much security there except a
fence.
What did I tell you?
A piece of cake, huh?
Excuse me, sir.
What do you want here, soldier?
This truck was involved in a criminal act.
I'm obliged to investigate.
You're mistaken, soldier.
No, I'm not, sir.
I distinctly remember the ID number.
Big mistake, Private.
I
knew we should have taken live a*mo.
Are you all right, Sergeant?
They're unloading the truck today.
We gotta get back to the base.
All right, guys, fall in.
Let's go.
Anything looks a little odd, Lieutenant.
You just asked me.
We had to juggle some of our inventories.
Uh-huh.
Well, I'm sure I can figure it out.
Thanks.
Major, can I see you for a moment?
Why, certainly, Lieutenant.
Excuse me.
A couple of guys from that motivation
platoon were in the woods.
They saw the truck.
And they know what's up.
Did you get an M?
No.
What are we gonna do?
Don't you worry about that bunch.
Request permission to assist in any police
action, sir.
Thanks, Malone, I'll let you know.
Right there.
What's going on, sir?
I don't know how deep you're involved in
this, Sergeant.
But stolen Army property has been found in
your platoon's barracks.
I demand to see General Treves.
Sergeant, the only thing you're gonna see
is the inside of the stockade.
«Stockade» «Stockade» «Stockade» «Stockade»
«Stockade» Tell him where we are.
Forget it.
Major Burgess left orders that you're to
be held incommunicado.
Besides, the colonel flew back for the
maneuvers.
Whatever you want to tell him,
we'll have to wait till they're over.
Our career is ruined.
I was gonna be a lifer.
One of those guys with a chest full of
ribbons and medals and my own battalion.
I'm not gonna itch.
Sarge.
There's something real funny going on
here.
First you tail the number two honcho with
the CID.
Then you find him in the boonies with a
truck.
Then we get nailed by the CID for stealing
equipment.
Now you can be as smart as Becker and still
figure out there's a strong connection.
Guess there's no point in keeping it a
secret now.
All right.
We're placed in this
unit by Colonel Halston
to investigate the
theft of army materials.
Burgess and Nolte are obviously...
the heads of the ring.
The traitors.
Too good for them.
Plan to turn over the goods to the buyer
at 1500 hours.
When's that?
Three o'clock, you idiot.
Yeah, well, if we don't find a way to bust
out of here pretty quick, somebody's gonna
be walking away with a million dollars
worth of military hardware.
You can count on us, Sarge.
We're ready to lay down our lives for you,
sir.
We are?
I've told you for the last time I want to
see the men you just arrested.
You just couldn't bear the thought of me
being locked up, could you?
My orders are that nobody's to visit them.
Listen, soldier, unless you want to find
yourself on permanent K.P.
duty, I suggest you open that door right
now!
Lieutenant.
Thank God you're here.
Take a look.
It's getting worse.
It is?
You better tell them about the experiment.
The experiment?
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, my God!
This man has obviously been exposed to the
UG-60 strain.
I thought you said I had poison oak.
Well, we had to tell you that.
What's this man's problem?
Well, just look at him.
Those inflammations are secondary.
If they go into tertiary, those lesions
will open up.
And there may be a man on this base that
won't be infected.
Now you know why I had to get in touch
with Colonel Halston.
Well, what is it?
What have I got?
We've got to get this man into quarantine.
Quarantine?
I don't know.
Well, obviously, you
have never seen a victim
in the final stages of
pneumonic epidermis.
Pneumonic epi-what?
We're running out of time, soldier!
Not a bad day's haul for a man in uniform.
You make five times as much selling him.
I just had a report from one of my
choppers.
It seems there's some unauthorized
vehicles at the southwest perimeter.
I'd like to have a look.
Yeah, well, we'll go together.
Sir, it might be wise if you stayed here.
Nonsense.
Let's go.
Colt, can civilians be court-martialed?
Get your hands in here.
You'll
be in a stockade so long, you're gonna
forget what the sun looks like.
Men.
Congratulations, Private.
Sir, thank you, sir.
Bend down, Private.
Uh, sir, yes, sir.
Congratulations, Private.
Uh, thank you, sir.
Congratulations, Corporal.
Sir, thank you, sir.
You've
been a constant, painful thorn on my side.
You have destroyed Army and my own
personal property.
I have no illusions about your integrity
or your competence.
However, much as I hate to admit it, when
the chips were down, you came through.
So, congratulations.
Sit, please.
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