05x02 - The King of the Stuntmen

[bunniefuu]

I do kiss and tell, but I've been seen
with Farrah.

I've never been with anything less than a
nine.

So fine.

I've been on fire with Sally Field,
gone fast with a girl named Moe.

But somehow they just don't end up as
mine.

It's a death defying life I lead.

I take my chances.

I die for living in the movies and TV.

But the hardest thing I
ever do is watch my leading

ladies kiss some other guy
while I'm bandaging my knee.

I've

never spent much time in school,
but I've taught ladies plenty.

It's true, I hire my body out for pay.

Hey, hey.

I've gotten burned over Cheryl Teague's
blowin' up for Rockin' Welch.

But when I wind up in the hay,
it's only hay.

Hey, hey.

I might jump an open drawbridge or
Tarzan...

Don't drink that.

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't drink
that.

Don't drink that.

You're in training for the big contest at
the stadium.

And that includes your diet, and that
means no caffeine.

I'll drink around the caffeine.

I just want the coffee.

No, no, don't.

Drink this instead.

It's high protein.

It's green.

Yeah, that's a spinach.

It's lumpy.

That's the way.

Well, no way.

Just drink it, Colt.

It's good for you.

What do you think?

Oh, it's terrible.

Hey, it's for the king of the stuntmen
competition.

If you win that title, you'll be
considered the best stuntman ever.

Think of the prestige.

Think of the recognition.

I don't even want to be in that contest.

Unfortunately, the taxman will give me a
choice.

You can thank Howie for that.

What do you mean, me?

How was I supposed to
know that the IRS wouldn't

allow an experimental
farm as a tax shelter, huh?

Well, the way I look at it, we make $20
,000 by entering you in this contest.

How do you figure that?

Well, the king of the stuntmen title gets
us $50,000, right?

Right.

$30,000 goes to Uncle Sam.

Right.

And that leaves $20,000 for us.

Us?

Well, I've been your trainer for the last
couple of weeks.

Don't you think I deserve something?

I think you're right, kid.

Here.

This

is terribly upsetting.

I've never had anything stolen from a
hotel room before.

Well, we'll certainly do everything we can
to recover your jewelry.

We've had a few
robberies lately, and we're

recommending to our guests
that they use our hotel safe.

Well, a lot of good that does me now.

This is Mr. Danson from our hotel
security.

He'll be filing the report.

Would you just come with me, please?

Thank you.

It's the Heisman Trophy of the stunt
world.

Hey, do you guys remember the stunt
convention in Vegas three years ago?

Yeah, that one registered about an eight
on the Richter scale.

Yeah.

Hey, is that Matt Barris?

Yeah, it sure is.

I figure he's Colt's greatest competition.

You know, he won the contest last year.

Well, didn't you and Matt used to pal
around together a lot?

We did a couple of pictures
together years ago, but

after a while, I guess
we just kind of lost touch.

Hey, he's coming over.

Hi, Matt, good to see you.

Yeah, well, let's check in.

Hey, Colt, they let you in here too,
huh?

Reggie, you old dog.

How the heck are you?

I heard you retired.

I haven't been to a convention in years,
but for a crack at that 50,000 bucks,

I thought I'd dust off the old stunt
pants.

Who you got here?

Jody Banks, Howie Munson.

This is Reggie Marinac.

The guy taught me
everything I know and is

probably one of the best
stuntmen that ever lived.

What do you mean, probably?

Nice to meet you.

Nice meeting you.

We know all about you, especially your
Niagara Falls in the barrel gag.

Yeah, that was a classic.

Now it's a classic.

Back then when I did it, it was just a
job.

You know, your friends here remind me of
the good old days, Colt.

Only then it was you, Matt, and Alice.

Matt Barris?

Who's Alice?

How's Carol?

Just great, and she's gonna flip when she
hears you turned up here.

Carol is Reggie's wife.

Listen, I gotta run, but I'll catch up
with you later.

Say, it's really great seeing you again,
Colt.

Nice meeting you both.

Bye, Reggie.

Bye-bye.

Well, I'm gonna go check us in,
huh?

Oh, what a nice girl.

Yeah.

With guys like Reggie, you
kinda wonder how stuntmen

ever got the reputation
of being hell raisers.

It's Crash and Boob Johnson.

I thought they were drummed out of the
business.

I thought they were committed.

Jody!

Security, get two men down to the lobby
right away.

Jody!

Jody!

Jody!

Jody!

I bet you're glad to see us, huh?

I hope it wasn't a big bet.

Oh, you're breakin' my heart.

I knew Crash's rose wouldn't impress you.

How's this?

Oh, look, you guys.

I told you in the last picture that
neither one of you is my type.

Oh, but Jody, you're making a big mistake.

You see, I'm like very fine cheese.

I just keep getting better with age.

Oh, cut it loose, brother.

The only thing you got in common with
cheese is the mold.

Yeah?

Don't you talk like that in front of my
future bride.

I'll knock you out in front of your future
bride.

Oh, yeah?

In front of my bride?

Come on, come on, guys.

We're here for the convention and just to
have a good time.

You can tear each other up next week,
okay?

Besides, this lobby is not big enough for
both of you.

In the street.

You got it.

In the street.

I'll win you over yet, girl?

How does it feel to have fans?

Come on, I got the keys.

Let's go to the movie.

Hey, hey, look.

There's Annie Benton.

I love her movies.

Colt, Colt, do you see the way she's
looking at you?

Yeah, it's like she knew you were
something.

It must be your imagination.

Yeah, come on.

Let's go.

John Wayne called him the greatest
stuntman who ever lived.

To Errol Flynn, he was the man who sold
the action.

To his fellow stuntman, he's a living
legend.

Ladies and gentlemen, a
man who has survived more

calamities than anybody in
history, Mr. Reggie Marinac!

And now, our seventh contestant.

You've seen him double for Burt Reynolds,
Tom Selleck, Clint Eastwood.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Colt Seinberg!

First, I just came down here to defend my
title.

And our final contestant, the defending
champion in the King of the Stuntman's

competition, and believe me, a nicer man
you will never meet any time in your life.

Now that you're here.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Nice Guy,
Matt Bell!

And

now, it is indeed my pleasure to introduce
you to the celebrity host of this King of

the Stuntman's competition, a star of
stage and film, ladies and gentlemen,

Miss Annie Benton!

It's been a long time.

See, I told you she and Colt had a thing
going on.

As you know, the King of the Stuntman's
competition consists of five events,

all especially designed to test the all
-around ability of all of our contestants.

The events are motorcycle jumping,
high falls, high-speed auto maneuvering,

parachute jumping,
and finally, a high-speed

auto chase through a
very harrowing course.

Annie?

Ladies and gentlemen, it is
my great pleasure to declare

the King of the Stuntman's
competition officially open.

And may the best man win.

All right.

Maybe I'll get lucky with this one.

It would be nice to find some cash for a
change.

That's not real important, is it?

Just get in, grab something, and get out.

There'll be plenty of cash later.

I'll go get it.

What's your room number?



Oh, yeah.

Yeah, thanks, thanks.

Next up, Boone Johnson!

Next up, one of your favorites,
Reggie Mack!

Oh, excuse me, this one's...

Hey, that's your scam!

Some

guy was robbing Jody's room.

Sure there was a good?

He was real good.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Defenders!

Give it up for the
most manly studio.

It's the Precision Driving Test.

Now, it's one of the
most popular, as well as

one of the most
demanding of our test skills.

That's right.

This year, we got out a few surprises for

us to finish up exactly on a designated
mark.

The driver that comes
closest to positioning his vehicle

within the target area
will score the most points.

File a police report.

The hotel's assistant manager said he'd
take care of everything.

Said there've been several break-ins
lately.

Security's been moving
their men around, but

the thief always stays
one step ahead of them.

He suggested we put our valuables in the
hotel safe.

Sounded like a good idea.

Jody, Jody, Jody, Jody!

I'm dedicating this slide to you.

Do me a favor, Karash.

When you hit that slick, don't stop going
until you hit the Pacific Ocean.

Oh, the way you talk!

She loves me, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Hey, he loves you.

Now, the first man to start off is the man
who's currently in third place,

Reggie Meredith!

Nothing, just a little friendly rivalry,
that's all.

Yeah, well, leaving
half a pound of rubber on

the street doesn't
sound too friendly to me.

You're not gonna tell us, are you?

Well, there's nothing to tell.

Do you believe what he said?

Not a word.

Next up, the man who's leading after the

brand -new record 78.3!

I heard you had a close call.

I handled it.

You just take care of your job.

You let me worry about mine.

Now, you got another key for me?

This one's in the east wing.

You think you can find it?

By tomorrow, everyone there will be rushing
to put their valuables in the hotel safe.

Good.

We'll get the goose nice and fat before we
pluck it.

Just like the good old days.

Colt, you and Matt, battling for top
honors.

Alice keeping an eye on you both reminds
me of the three of you.

Who's this Alice you keep talking about?

Hey, why don't we go get something to eat?

Oh, yeah, all right.

This Alice you might know better as Annie.

Annie Benton.

Before she started acting, she was known
as Alice Pendleton.

You mean she changed her name?

That's right.

So you used to chum around with Annie
Benton?

Yeah, come on, guys, let's get something
to eat.

Speak of the devil, Annie.

Reggie.

We were just talking about you.

My ears are burning.

Hi, Colt.

Hi, Annie.

This is my cousin, Allie Munson.

This is a real pleasure for me.

I'm your biggest fan, really.

Well, then it's my pleasure, Howie.

Colt, could we talk?

We were just about to get something to
eat.

Boy, don't let me and Reggie stop.

Oh, no, no.

No, not at all.

You go right ahead.

Howie and I won't get in too much trouble.

Well, then it's three against one.

I guess you're coming with me.

I almost didn't when I found out you'd be
here.

Do you hate me that much?

Annie, I've had a lot of feelings towards
you, but hate was never one of them.

Annie, whatever happened to Allie?

I'm not sure.

Well, maybe she was
just reacting to falling in

love with someone who
wasn't in love with her.

Come on, you know I love you.

Rejection's a funny way of showing it,
Colt.

I've met the world of lads.

I just want to hurt him.

He was my best friend.

From the way he's been looking at you,
I'd say things have changed.

He still blames me for you leaving him.

Why didn't you ever tell him the truth?

There was never any reason to rub salt in
the wounds.

You're being kind.

I should have told Matt I wasn't in love
with him.

I should have told him I fell in love with
you.

Funny thing is, my feelings haven't
changed.

I guess everything has its time,
and our chance was about that.

So you can't help but wonder.

What?

What might have been.

There's the guy who was robbing Jody's
hotel room!

Hey!

Stop!

Hey!

Can't get in the car.

Jody, get hotel security.

Michael!

Hey, sweet cheeks.

Is this the guy that robbed your drawers?

Yeah.

I'll k*ll him.

I'll k*ll him!

I'll k*ll him!

If he gets into downtown traffic,
he's gonna be tough to grab.

Are you okay, kid?

I'm fine.

Let's get out of here.

We better wait.

Why?

You kiss her and you die, little brother.

I'm gonna knock you, boy.

Oh, yeah?

She's here.

She's here.

I can see her.

Can you feel it?

She's here.

I can feel it.

Yeah.

Jody!

Jody!

Your husband's here.

I know you're in here.

Listen, do you mind if I hide in here for
a couple of minutes?

I'm trying to get away from some people.

Sure.

I know what that's like.

Believe me.

Come in.

Thanks.

Miss Benton, I just want you to know that
you are one of my all-time favorite stars.

That's sweet.

And, um, you're, uh... Jody.

Jody Banks.

Jody.

I've seen you somewhere before.

Really?

You're Colt's, uh, friend?

Yeah.

Oh, just friends.

Oh.

I used to be a friend of Colt's,
too.

Well, from the way you looked at him,
I thought it might be something more.

No, unfortunately for me, no.

Would you like a cup of coffee?

Sure.

Thanks, Colt.

Colt's quite a guy.

Listen, did you know Matt, too?

Matt, too?

I guess Colt's been pretty quiet about
that time of his life.

Thanks.

Uh, Miss Benton, I don't mean to be
prying, but there is something about

seeing you and Matt that's got Colt so
rattled.

More rattled than I've ever seen him.

He's not the only one, Jody.

You want to talk about it?

There's really not a lot to say.

Um...

Matt was in love with me.

And... I was in love with Colt.

And they were best friends.

Oh, what a mess.

Did you ever tell Matt what you felt about
Colt?

Colt had gotten me an acting job in New
York.

And, um, I left thinking I'd straighten
everything out when I got back.

Only I never really got back.

You see, um...

Alice Templeton died the day that Penny
Benton was born.

Alice?

Alice... Oh, so Matt probably
blames Colt for losing you.

And that's what k*lled their friendship.

Yeah, I guess I really blew it.

I should have told Matt the truth at the
time.

Do you want to play?

Remember, timing is essential.

You both understand your assignments?

What about guards?

Security is so primed to find the room
thief.

They've taken their men from the usual
lobby stations and put them in the hallways.

How much time will we have?

Only five minutes.

At exactly three o'clock, I'll report a
burglary in progress in the far west wing.

That'll draw available security.

Giving no one to guard the hotel safe but
you.

Exactly.

By the time they find
out what's going on, we'll

be halfway to Mexico
in the hotel helicopter.

Well, it's foolproof except you left out
one possible obstacle.

That being?

That being the joker that went after me.

Forget him.

He's nothing but an overzealous stuntman.

No, I had him checked out.

Colt Seavers is a professional bounty
hunter.

That is one joker that I want out of the
deck.

Now... Hey, man.

They're starting to draw plane
assignments.

You better get over here.

Okay, guys.

Gather around.

Now, you all know the rules.

Jumpers will jump in teams of two.

I'll draw your names out
of the helmet and you'll

meet your planes at
the west end of the field.

Now, the first two stuntmen to be jumping
will be, uh...

Well, what a coincidence.

Crash Johnson and Boom Johnson.

All right.

I was wondering where that gum went.

Okay, let me draw two more names.

The next two to jump are Reggie Maranac
and Hector Garcia.

Sure, ma'am.

Sounds like a great team.

Gentlemen, you two will be taking plane
number two.

And you'll also find that one at the far
west end.

And our next two jumpers will be...

Colt Seavers and Matt Barras.

Matt, I'd like to talk to you.

I don't have time.

I've got a contest to win.

Besides, I think you're about four years
too late.

After a high score of 86 points in the
Accuracy High Fall Competition,

Matt Barras has regained a slight lead
over his second place challenger,

Colt Seavers.

Now, Reggie Maranac, currently in third,
and Hector Garcia are about to jump.

Let's see how they're doing.

The judges have
decided to lift the altitude

ceiling for Colt Seavers
and Matt Barras.

This will make it a lot tougher.

You know, I remember the last time we rode
in a plane together.

During the filming of that World w*r II
movie.

What was the name of it?

Knock it off, Colt.

I'm not interested in your small talk.

All right, why don't we talk about
something important?

For instance, us.

I want to listen to that even less.

Look, you were jealous of me.

You couldn't stand that I got her.

I would have had her in a fool not to see
it.

I wanted you and Annie to work out.

Nothing would have made me happier.

Nothing but sleeping with my girl.

What are you talking about?

Don't play innocent with me.

Two nights before she left for New York,
I followed her over to your house.

And I waited for her to come out.

And she did, finally, the next morning.

You were my best friend, Colt.

I trusted you.

Matt, nothing happened that night.

She had a lot on her mind and we talked.

She wanted to talk, that's all.

I suppose she had a lot on her mind, too,
yesterday when you two were cozying it up.

You can drag me through the mud all you
want, but leave Annie out of this.

How gallant.

Perfect gentleman.

You expect me to believe there was nothing
between you two?

We're over target.

Jumpers, stand ready.

Catch up with you downstairs.

That parachute's not opening.

He's got to deploy his backup chute.

Colt Severs is moving into position above
Matt Barris.

He got it!

He's got the chute!

Colt Severs is tied!

Matt Barris on the lead, Matt!

Colt, you're tied for first place!

You just saved Matt's life.

Who cares about the contest?

Obviously Matt.

Hey, kid.

Just come by to wish you good luck.

Oh, thanks, Red.

You, too.

It's a good feeling to know the two guys
ahead of me are the two guys I taught.

Remember, I didn't teach you everything,
Colt.

Oh, so you still think you got a chance to
win.

I already did win.

Got to put the pads on one more time.

You miss working, don't you?

Well, I don't believe retirement's gonna
be all it's cracked up to be.

Stopping work is like losing a good
friend.

Yeah, I know all about that feeling.

Final inspections from all vehicles...

Fine.

I was just stopping by all the contestants
and, um, wishing them luck for the race.

Thanks.

Look, I don't want to keep you.

I'm sure you got others on your list.

No, you're the last.

I arranged it that way because I want to
talk to you.

Nothing to say.

Damn it, Matt.

It has taken me four years to get to this
point.

Now I'm not going to leave until you hear
me out.

What is this, a confession of the soul?

You still guilty after all these years?

No.

I'm doing this for Colt.

Look, Matt, we've both been terribly
unfair to him.

Huh.

Unfair to Colt.

You're breaking my heart.

And Colt broke mine.

Probably right after the night you spent
with him.

Nothing happened that night, you know.

We just talked.

You're not supposed to believe that.

Well, you better believe it because it's
the truth.

I asked Colt to choose between the two of
us.

And he did, without any hesitation.

He chose you, Matt.

He said you were the best friend he'd ever
had.

Well, that still doesn't explain why he
went to New York.

Why didn't you stay with me?

Matt, I'm not going to lie to you.

I couldn't have loved you the way I loved
Colt.

And I had no idea that the two of you had
stopped being friends because of me.

Knowing that I'm the cause of it,
that's more than I can take.

Why didn't Colt just tell me that?

That's something you're going to have to
ask him.

Well, he did say I had bad manners.

I forgot to tell you thanks for saving my
life.

Now, forget it.

You've done the same for me.

You sure about that?

Yep.

God, I've been such a jerk.

Annie, just stop by.

You're talking to me.

Colt, why didn't you tell me that she was
in love with you?

Why didn't you go after her when you had
the chance?

You don't mess with your best friend's
girl.

Well, I'm sorry.

I really am.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

I should say I'll send somebody over right
away.

Hold on.

Mr. Danson!

Yes.

Yes, he will.

Thank you.

I just got a report of a break-in in
progress in room 396.

You'd better get over there.

Right.

Competition couldn't be much closer
through the first four events.

The lead has changed hands three times.

Who'll come out on top is still anyone's
guess.

So, Annie, it all comes down to this final
event, the road race.

Up to this point, Matt Barris and Colt
Seavers have been neck and neck.

I've known both of these fine sons for a
long time.

And I can tell you, they'll both be going
all out for the title.

I've been trying to figure out what to do
with that 50 grand.

Well, you can always watch me deposit it
in my bank.

That's highly unlikely.

You're going to have to beat me first.

Give me a break.

You know, this is just great.

Just like old times.

Only if you'll both
recollect for a minute,

I used to whip both
your tails all the time.

And I see nothing changing now.

I do.

Don't you, Colt?

I sure do.

What's that?

You're a lot older.

Come on.

Gentlemen, go to your cars!

Come on, Grandpa.

Start your engines!

$200

,000 in cash here.

That's nothing once we get the jewelry
fenced.

Mr. Parsons.

What's going on here?

Come on, let's get going.

Now,

everyone, the actors have gotten their
tools.

Chi centro, Colt Sievers, and Matt Barros.

Reggie Marinac, unterstütz Figure 3,
and Boo Johnson inform us...

that the road race competition decomposed
of the entire stunt man's competition.

Colt Sievers and Matt Barros, the leaders
right now, have been leading.

throughout this entire event.

Excuse me, Annie.

Can we get you to pose in front of the big
check?

Take a few pictures.

Oh, sure.

I'd love to.

Come on.

It won't take long at all.

Just stand right over here.

Security, there's been a burglary in the
hotel safe.



They're heading into a
series of hurricane turns

and approaching the
final leg of this race.

Okay, that's great.

Now maybe have me point... use
this hand and point up to the check.

Look right at me.

Perfect.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Would you open that suitcase, please?

It's perfectly all right.

These gentlemen are with me.

I'm sorry, Mr. Parsons, but there's been a
reported robbery.

I've got my orders.

Let's get to the chopper.

There's been a change of plans,
Melvis.

I'm getting out of here alone.

Move it.

Come on, Mr. Beastar.

You're coming with me.

Let's go.

And

we'll know who'll be King of the Sandman.

Man, it's Annie.

She's in trouble.

Go ahead and call.

I'm right behind you.

I'll make sure he doesn't get away.

You take care of Annie.

How

does it feel to be King of the Sandman?

Well, as far as I can see, I'm just $50
,000 richer than I was yesterday.

We all know that Matt
and Colt gave up their

chance to win when
they went after Annie.

Well, yeah, but they didn't lose
everything.

They're going to split that $25,000 reward
from the hotel.

And that's going to go a long way towards
paying Colt's taxes.

Where are they?

They're supposed to be here.

They'll be here.

They're probably sitting in the bar having
a couple of beers.

Talking over old times, you know.

Well, if you think that, you've got the
wrong boys.

I was going to beat you yesterday.

You know that, don't you?

Well, that's why we're out here.

Just you and me.

Find out who really is the best.

Longest jump wins, right?

You ready?

You know I'm always ready, Seavers.

That's what I love about you guys.

You're both crazy.