04x13 - Semi-Catastrophe

[bunniefuu]

A sad tale, but I've been seen with
Farrah.

I've never been with anything less than a
nine.

So fine.

I've been on fire with Sally Field,
gone past with a girl named Bo.

But somehow they just don't end up as
mine.

It's a death by life I leave.

I take my chances.

I die for living in the movies and TV.

But the hardest thing I
ever do, is watch my leading

ladies, kiss some other guy
while I'm bandaging my knee.

I might fall from a tall bed,

read for such a star.

I've

never spent much time in school,
but I've taught ladies plenty.

It's true I hire my body out for pay.

Hey, hey, I've gotten burned over Cheryl
T.

Explode up for Rockin' Welch, but when I
wind up in the hay, it's only hay.

Hey, hey, I might jump
an open drawbridge, or

Tarzan from a vine, and
make Eastwood look so fine.

It just seems like, they're never gonna
end.

It's making me old, and I can tell you
some stories that you've never been told.

It just seems like they ain't never gonna
end.

It's to you.

I'll take two cards.

What's that?

I told you I wanted two.

Oh, Danny.

Come over here.

Let's have a friendly chat.

It's to you.

My boy's been telling me you've been a
little slow on your payments.

I had trouble with the truck.

Had to replace an axle.

I don't want any excuses, Danny.

I want my money.

I pay you, I'll go out of business.

If you don't keep paying me, you'll be out
of business even faster.

You're a truck to catch fire like Frank
Potter did.

You'll get your money.

Thanks, Danny.

I knew you'd see it my way.

You back in, Big Ed.

If it's that girl again, I'm gonna k*ll
her.

Ten to one, she's going to Selina's to
pick up produce to haul to Murphy's.

Well, if that shipment
makes it into L.A., all the other

independents are gonna
think you're losing your grip.

On the other hand, you boys make sure that
her truck goes off the road first.

And I won't be an independent
trucker within 200 miles

that'll try to get away
without paying me protection.

I'm not interrupting anything,
am I?

I'm taking a bath.

Can't you see?

No, not too well.

Too many buses.

Oh, you poor baby.

What hurts?

The sound of your voice.

I have a job for you.

Yeah, well, how many times can a guy get
hit in one day?

I'm not interested in no thanks.

You haven't even heard it yet.

Look, you caught me at a time when I'm
particularly flush.

I don't need the money, okay?

What's he talking about?

He's broke.

The least you can do is hear me out.

The least we can do is ignore you.

Oh, you look like you're all tied up in
knots.

I think you could use a back rub.

I don't want to hear about any skips.

Oh, Paris, the thought.

Oh, I can feel the tightness right there.

Oh.

Her name is Helen Bolton.

Now, she's not really a criminal.

She's just a gutsy lady that ran into some
bad luck.

A little higher, please.

Luck?

What kind of bad luck?

Oh, the kind you run into at a crooked
poker game.

She lost her whole rig.

Her rig?

Mm-hmm.

She drives an 18-wheel semi.

That means she's a lady trucker?

She stole her truck.

And in the process of trying
to get away, she rammed

into a store window and did
$100,000 worth of damage.

And I bet she skipped bail, huh?

No, that's not the end of the story.

You see, she just went
back to the crooks that ripped

her off, and she stole her
truck back for a second time.

Now, my sources say that she's heading up
to Salinas to pick up a load tomorrow.

What do you say, Colt?

You interested?

I'd take an awful lot of money.

$3,500.

That's it.

Take it or leave it.

I'm gonna leave it a little higher,
though, please.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

Thank you.

And, Ace, I want $500 across the board.

I want the Raiders by 10 and the Giants by


Oh, come on, Ace.

You know I'm good for it.

I'm just about to get
a contract to haul all

the letters for Murphy's
Markets in L .A.

Yeah, I know.

Please?

Be a sweetheart.

Ace?

Is that him?

Who?

Don't play games with me.

Are you gonna start that old thing again?

I know there's somebody else.

Now, just tell me, what's his name?

Blaine, let's get one thing straight once
and for all.

There is no other man.

And if there were, I sure as heck wouldn't
have to answer to you about it.

You see?

You as good as admitted it.

Somebody has come between us.

You're right.

Someone has come between us.

It's you.

Now, I've got to get a truckload of
letters to L.A.

All right.

Now, remember, go easy.

Truckers are tight.

She may have a lot of friends around here.

Cold discretion is my middle name.

Yeah.

Bill, pick up the truck.

Pick up A3.

It's in Hawaii.

Excuse me.

You know Helen Bolton?

No.

I can't with this.

There is something you should know.

Winky's got the word out.

He's... he's looking for you.

Thanks, Danny.

You be careful.

Yeah.

Now, what's all that whispering about?

Oh, Blaine, come on.

You're so suspicious of everyone.

Helen?

Yeah, but you're blocking the view.

You a friend of hers?

Friend?

Are you kidding?

They're like that.

So you're the one, huh?

Well, wait a minute.

What are we fighting for?

You all right?

Yeah.

Helen!

Let's go!

Think

she's trying to tell us something.

Boy, she sure knows what she's doing.

Maybe we ought to offer her a job as a
stunt driver.

Well, that sounds generous.

She nearly k*lled us.

Howie, take over.

Pull right up to her tail.

Where are you going?

Come on.

I'm on a bummer ride.

It's not yours anymore.

You lost it.

That game was as crooked as the...

If he wants this truck, he can take it
over my dead body.

First of all, I don't work for Winky,
whoever he is.

Second of all, I don't want your truck.

I want you.

What for?

I'm skipping bail in L.A.

You're a bounty hunter?

Says in here that I'm authorized to take
you to Los Angeles for skipping bail.

And that's exactly where we're going.

But I had her run.

You don't understand.

They robbed me.

See this deck of cards?

They're marked.

There's no excuse for running out on your
bail.

For plowing your truck through a
storefront.

Get around it.

On this road, drive like they're crazy?

Mind

telling me who the guys are with the g*ns?

Damn, it must be Winky's men.

I'm the one they want.

Well, we can't do this all the way back to
L.A.

We just may not have to.

Okay?

Yeah, we're fine.

There's only a semi-catastrophe.

And you think those guys will be back?

Hey, just stick close.

You want me to go to L.A., fine.

Just help me get this load
to Los Angeles by Friday

afternoon, and you can
take me wherever you want.

Sorry, I'm being paid to deliver a bail
jumper, not a truckload of lettuce.

Besides, if those guys are after us,
it'd be safer to fly back.

Forget it, mister.

The airport cut off suddenly a mile or two
down the road.

You know, you don't seem to understand that
I am hauling 360 crates of fresh lettuce.

I mean, if I don't bring
the shipment in, I'll

lose my contract, and
I'll lose Thunderbolt again.

You gotta make a bet on me.

You're the gambler, I'm not.

And I got a sure thing.

I'm not gonna risk my neck or yours over a
truckload of lettuce.

Well, let me tell you something.

Those crooks who cheated me didn't want my
truck.

They wanted me off the road,
because I'm one of the only

independent truckers on this
route not under their thumb.

They have tried everything to make me
knuckle under, and I am too stubborn.

Well, that's putting it mildly.

Can't you see that you're playing right
into their hands?

I mean, you're rolling out
the red carpet for them, just

so they can walk all over
all the other independents.

You know, the little people in this
country have their rights, too.

I thought you were hauling lettuce,
not corn.

You selfish coward!

You're just as bad as Winkendorf.

You just want a piece of the action you
didn't give a damn about anyone else.

Yeah, but what about you?

I mean, you're planning
to take on that crook

and his whole organization
single -handedly?

Well, what if I am?

Is there some law that says you have to be
a man in order to stand up for yourself?

Are you through now?

Not quite.

One more sexist comment and it'll be your
last.

You sure are beautiful when you're mad.

Um, we just passed the airport turnoff.

Of course I did.

You had me convinced miles back.

Besides, I take it personally when
somebody tries to k*ll me.

Well, why didn't you tell me?

You were on a roll.

I mean, you were putting me on.

Looks like she's got somebody helping her.

A trucker, by the way, drives.

You see, you let one go by and then
suddenly there are two.

Take care of the both of them.

Look, they can't make good time on the
grade.

Yeah, there's also a crap game at Shorty's
that she won't be able to resist.

If she gets busy tossing the dice,
we'll give her another load.

And then she'll make her last run.

Is, uh, Thatcher steady back at the
produce stock?

Dwayne Hedden?

No.

Well, I mean, he was all right for a
while.

But, uh, he started getting crazy.

Jealous type, huh?

If a fireman pulled me
out of a burning building,

he would probably accuse
me of having a hot affair.

I mean, he's not exactly playing with a
full deck.

I guess it must be hard to settle down when
you're on the road as much as you must be.

Well, when the work's there, I'm behind
the wheel about seven months a year.

Not too many, uh, relationships can
survive that.

That's why you won't get tied down,
huh?

I've seen too many truckers' marriages go
bad, including my parents'.

There's only two things in this world that
really matter to me.

My freedom and that lettuce back there.

Well, I imagine lettuce is pretty hard to
cuddle up to.

Just because I avoid commitments doesn't
mean I avoid a social life.

As a matter of fact, I don't have anything
against an occasional fling.

What about you?

Me?

Breaker, breaker, this is the Midnight
Marauder coming at you.

Do you copy, Thunderbolt?

It's all right, it's my associate.

Is he always that enthusiastic?

Mm-hmm.

I read you loud and clear, Midnight
Marauder, this is Thunderbolt, over.

Everything looks good back here?

You nice and cozy up there, over?

Like two bugs in a rug, over.

I got you now, Helen.

Who's that?

It's Dwayne, my ex.

This is the Big Papa.

Tell me, Thunderbolt, is that turkey still
with you?

Tell him no.

He's a law enforcement officer,
Dwayne.

That's a load of bull.

He's the man you've been carrying on with.

And I'm gonna tear him apart one little
piece at a time.

Hear that, mister?

You're as good as dead.

It's Dwayne!

Call the cops, you're getting crashed!

Would he really tear a man apart?

Oh, yeah.

Hang on.

It'll

take him a while to get that rig
straightened out.

Oh, that was some fancy bit of driving.

But from you, that's quite a compliment.

Well, so far, so good.

Let's hope you live up to all your
expectations.

Just hope he lets me live.

You better gas up while we're getting the
food.

We don't want to waste any time.

You can get anything for me.

I'm hungry enough to eat a retread.

Well, then you'll like the food here,
because it leaves skid marks on your stomach.

Is something wrong?

Oh, nothing.

I just have to go to the little girl's
room.

Well, okay, I'll get the counter.

Okay.

Could have been separate bags,
or two of each, if you please.

Ten is the point.

Come on, here we go.

Ten.

Ten.

I'll unhitch a trail while you go and
bring the other one around.

I don't know why we don't just put the
nitro in her truck now.

Because if we deliver her load,
then we get the contract with Murphy's.

Lichtendorf doesn't miss a trick.

That's $800 you owe.

I'll give you the $800 when I get back
from L.A.

and turn around.

We don't take IOUs.

Easy, easy with that.

My friend outside has the money.

I'll go talk with him.

Now let's get out of here.

Where you been?

I was worried about you.

Worried about me?

Yeah, let's go.

Let's get out of here.

Well, it's, uh...

You want something?

Yeah.

Eight hundred bucks.

He's joking, huh?

Uh, well, you see,
Colt, um... He's not?

I got into a game in bed.

Eight hundred dollars?

You were only gone a few minutes.

Well, I can't believe it either.

I mean, the dice went as cold as the
lettuce in the back of my truck.

Where's the money?

I'm sorry, we haven't got any money.

Well, she's not leaving until somebody
pays.

There you are.

I'm gonna k*ll you.

Wait a minute, pal.

You got it wrong between Helen and I.

Yeah, you think you can just walk right
in and take my girl away from me, huh?

Dwayne, nobody owns me!

Stay out of this!

Get out of here!

Hey, wait a minute!

Hey,

what's going on?

Fast food to go.

We got away okay.

No harm done.

Look, someday that
gambling problem you got is

gonna get you in trouble
you can't get out of.

Believe me, it's nothing I can't handle.

Maybe it's none of my business.

But you keep going the way
you're going, you're gonna

lose something a lot
more valuable than a truck.

You're gonna lose your self-respect.

Better slow down.

Break up, breaker.

This is Slippery Dan calling Thunderbolt.

Over.

Loud and clear, Slippery Dan.

What is it?

I tried to stop you at Shorty's.

Winky's men planted nitro in your trailer.

Nitro?

Nitro?

Oh, my God!

You better pull over.

At least a little bounce can blow this
thing sky high.

Brakes.

We don't have any brakes!

Hey, they're picking up speed!

Colt, it looks the same, but that's not my
trailer.

They must have pulled a switch while we
were in Shorty's.

Let's jump out!

I can't!

This truck is every...

We heard what happened.

Yeah, Winkendorf switched trailers on us,
then salted our tail with nitro.

They don't mess around.

They went right for the k*ll.

What if we can get these brakes fixed?

I'll give odds I can get it done in ten
minutes.

Yeah, we'll hop to it.

We got some lettuce to pick up at the
truck stop.

I like her style.

We took care of it.

She won't be giving us any more trouble.

Delighted to hear it.

I don't think there's gonna be too many
more holdouts once the word gets around.

What about the lettuce?

Safe and sound.

We'll have it in L.A.

tomorrow.

Nice work.

Thank you, sir.

Party time.

Well, there it is.

Are you sure this is gonna work?

Only if those guys in there are human.

We gotta hold them here long enough for
Colt to switch trailers again.

They're going.

We gotta do something.

Here goes.

I

could go outside and get some air.

Oh, don't quit now.

Let's quit now.

Wait till you see me get my second wind.

It'll be better than ever.

If

nobody wasn't trying to k*ll me,
I'd be the life of the party.

You're a funny guy, Colt.

I don't think I've ever met anyone like
you.

You're not trying to smother me.

You're not trying to fence me in.

Every man who ever said
he loved me always wanted

to own me like I was
some kind of a possession.

Only I don't love you.

Well, you can't have everything.

Turn off there.

Why?

Just do it.

Hey, I wonder why they're pulling off
here.

There isn't a gas station for miles.

Why don't you call them?

That's a good idea.

Breaker, breaker, this is the Midnight
Marauder.

Do you cap you over?

Midnight Marauder, this is Thunderbolt.

They're all going to expect us to run all
night.

So if we catch a few
winks on the back road, we'll

have a better chance of
throwing them off our trail.

Over.

Well, what about the lettuce?

It'll keep.

And out.

At least it's a nice night.

Is that all the enthusiasm you can muster?

I think maybe I ought to go up there and
see if everything's okay with them.

Not unless you want the state to live in
infamy.

One

more like that and we're going to get
arrested for a moving violation.

We're not moving.

Speak for yourself.

Give me a second.

I want to get things comfy.

It's so cozy and warm back here.

This probably isn't the time to mention
this, but either your trailer temperature

gauge is shot or your lettuce isn't cold
anymore.

What?

Look.

Oh, they must have damaged the refrigeration
when they unhitched the trailer.

That means we make pretty good time
tomorrow, huh?

Tomorrow?

We can't afford to wait another minute.

We've got to move out now.

What about cozy and warm back there?

Now!

That didn't take very long.

It's a midnight marauder going to
Thunderbolt.

Here they come.

Get ready.

God, this is the midnight marauder.

That was incredible.

Are you okay?

Yeah, except for the shotgun blast we took
in the radiator.

That coolant system shot.

And I mean shot.

What'd you do?

Rob a bank?

Nothing that easy.

But can you fix it?

Well, we might be able to adapt the system
from an old Kenworth.

But it'll cost you.

How much?

Two grand, give or take a hundred.

Two grand?

Cash.

Oh, and we're only sixty miles from L.A.

Go to it.

Colt, how are we going to make these
repairs?

We've only got three hundred bucks.

Was that crooked game where you lost your
truck around here somewhere?

Winkies?

It's ten miles down the road.

Why?

You still have that marked deck?

Sure.

And the cab.

Remember the sting?

Who could forget Dublin Paul Newman?

Well, you've got to get your chance again.

And before we're through, they'll think
our aces are deuces.

What we need to do is cheat the crooks
that cheated you, and get your truck back.

You see it, but you don't believe it.

Where'd you ever learn to do that?

Well, when we were doing the sting.

I learned everything I
could from the card expert

on the picture they'd
hired as a consultant.

Well, that's not bad, Midnight.

Thanks very much.

Once I start dealing, I'll
be able to give myself any

hand I want, and nobody
will be able to detect a thing.

You sure you can pull this off?

Well, I work better under pressure.

Pressure's on.

Hey, where's the girl that owns this rig?

Oh, they was talking.

Not a game.

Winkies.

Winkies.

Loading for 50.

Call.

What do you got?

Three queens.

Not good enough.

Three b*ll*ts.

Loading for 50.

There's your $50.

I'm out.

I call.

Cards, gentlemen.

Two cards.

Same.

Same thing.

Two cards.

Two cards.

Very creative choice.

The dealer will stand pat.

Certainly wouldn't mind raising the bet
limit in this game.

Might make it more interesting.

Can you cover it?

Got the pink slip to my truck right here.

Okay.

Your bet.

Check.

Check.

$2,000.

I fold.

Too rich for your blood, is it?

All right.

Where is he?

Uh, where's who?

We'll play a game some day.

Oh.

Know who I mean?

Oh, you mean the bounty hunter.

Well, he's not here.

Oh, Dwayne.

There's no other man in my life but you.

I don't believe you.

You're trying to protect him, aren't you?

I'll call you $2,000.

How about you, sir?

That's all for me.

What do you got?

Three tens.

Three tens.

Pull out.

Kings over jacks.

That's impossible.

It's been a pleasure taking your money,
sir.

But so fast.

You've been trying to pull a fast one.

Now, don't be a sore loser.

Now, wait just a minute.

Take care of it, Eddie.

Come on, Eddie.

Nobody does that to me.

Well, I know where he is and I'm gonna
k*ll him.

Dwayne.

Please.

He's gonna screw everything up.

No.

Dwayne.

Let's go.

Good.

I softened him up for you.

Not that way.

Dwayne.

Don't you hurt him, Dwayne.

Yeah, Dwayne.

I knew it.

This has all been a terrible
misunderstanding.

Wait a minute.

Now, Dwayne.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Go,

start places, you rat.

Take well, Dwayne.

You think, you?

What?

You think it was what you think?

My a*s.

This is business.

I don't know what the H 기�па says.

That's about all you need to know with
this movie on h Zoom.

What movies did Weak轉 into the scene?

Ahh, no.

Here's the call for saving the day.

Hey, here, here.

I have even more good news.

The DA is dropping all charges against
Helen and wants her to testify in an

investigation to close down Winkies for
good.

Hey, great.

Hey,

what did you make?

Well, since we ingested
all that high -calorie trucker

food, I think it was time
for a nice, healthy salad.

Jody...

I never want to see lettuce again as long
as I live.

What's up for a pizza?

Yeah!

If it weren't for you, I would never have
won that contract.

How can I ever repay you?

Promise me you'll never gamble again.

You bet.