03x04 - Baker's Dozen

[bunniefuu]

Well, I'm not the kind to kiss and tell.

But I've been seen with Farrah.

I've never been with anything less than a
nine.

So fine.

I've been on fire with Sally Field.

Gone fast with a girl named Bo.

But somehow they just don't end up as
mine.

It's a death defying life I lead.

I take my chances.

I die for living in the movies and TV.

But the hardest thing I
ever do is watch my leading

ladies kiss some other guy
while I'm bandaging my knee.

I might fall from a tall building.

I might roll a brand new car.

Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that made
Redfoot such a star.

I've never spent much time in school.

But I've taught ladies plenty.

It's true I hire my body out from pay.

Hey, hey.

I've gotten burned over Cheryl Teague's
blowin' up for Rockin' Welch.

But when I wind up in the hay,
it's only hay.

Hey, hey.

I might jump an open drawbridge or Tarzan
from a vine.

Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that made
Eastwood such a star.

But I'm the unknown stuntman that made
Eastwood such a star.

This is great, Jody.

I never thought they'd make a film out of
this book.

You read it?

Sure.

One of the greatest science fiction books
ever written.

All right, Colt.

Go for it.

Ambulance.

Fire extinguishers, fire crews,
stand by.

Here he comes.

Okay, keep your fingers crossed.

I can't, I'll drop my rabbit's foot if I
do.

on the air

He's got to get through
that wall and beat those

explosions in time,
or he's in deep trouble.

All right.

God, that's great, Cole.

Beautiful.

Exploded perfectly.

Are you okay, Cole?

No, I'm okay.

I think the bike's terminal.

Well, it was nice going.

We can get the second half of the stunt
early Monday morning.

Early?

How early?

I have a late date Sunday night.

Kid, you're just going to have to
sacrifice for your art.

Don't worry, Howie.

She probably won't show up.

Forget it, Terry.

I have a picture to finish on Monday,
and I'm busy on the weekend.

Oh, you mean Cabo San Lucas, deep-sea
fishing?

That's right.

Oh, poor baby.

You haven't heard yet, have you?

Heard what?

Well, there's a Pacific
law coming in from Hawaii,

and I'm afraid you
can forget about fishing.

I've been fishing all this weekend.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, really, really.

Look right here.

You see?

Severe storm warning.

Oh, it doesn't change anything.

I've still got to work on Monday.

Cole, this will take you the most.

One or two days.

Where have I heard that before?

It's at a dude ranch in Arizona.

All expenses paid, plus a substantial fee.

Oh, that's terrific.

But what if it takes more than a couple of
days?

Besides, Ferris may not be there.

Oh, no, no.

He'll be there.

What's he wanted for?

Andrew Ferris was caught
during an armed robbery

stealing from a government
supply warehouse.

The others?

Got away with some anti-personnel
grenades, ammunition, automatic weapons,

expl*sives.

Hmm, sounds like somebody's starting a
w*r.

Anyway, Ferris jumped bail, and my
informant says he's been seen at this ranch.

It might be fun to go to a dude ranch.

Well, there.

We'll send Jody down to
the dude ranch, let her check

the dude Ferris out, and
I'll be down on Tuesday.

What if I get him myself?

Well, it'd save me a trip.

But I'd be careful.

Sounds like he's heavily armed.

I'll disarm him.

Colt, how come they always put dude
ranchers in out-of-the-way places like this?

Well, kid, they want to give the customers
a taste of the Old West.

This is the Old West?

Yeah, well, it's been remodeled.

What other information do you have on
Ferris?

Just what Terry told us.

He and his buddies were ripping off the
warehouse.

What do you think he was up to?

I hope we don't have to find out.

Maybe we could spend a few extra days out
on the range.

Horseback riding, the smell of the sage,
the crackle of the campfire.

Well, you can have the wide open spaces,
kid.

I'll take a hot pool and the crackle of
soda over ice.

You think Jody spotted Ferris?

I don't know.

It sure ain't hard to spot Jody.

Looks like a tough job.

Mmm, it is.

Every couple of hours you gotta turn over.

How come you guys are late?

Well, I thought you'd have Ferris totally
disarmed by now.

Fat chance.

I can't even get close to the guy.

Well, if it takes a couple extra days,
that's the way it goes, right?

What's the problem?

Come on, I'll show you.

They're in a private compound.

This dude ranch is my front, but we're
here for business.

Sergeant, I had a complaint from one of my
lady guests.

So I walked in the wrong room.

How's that supposed to know she's taking a
bear?

Besides, I'm the one that should complain.

She had a rotten figure.

Let me tell you something, mister.

You will have absolutely nothing to do
with my guests.

They are off limits to
you, and the rest of you

men, you're being paid
$10,000 for this operation.

You pull another
stunt like that, and I will

have you put back in the
cage where you belong.

Do you understand me?

And, Lustig?

Never look at me like that ever again.

Ferris, you almost botched us up at the
warehouse robbery.

You were stupid.

You're my expl*sive man,
but I swear, you pull another

stunt like that, and I'll have
you wired to the plastic.

That's our man, Colt.

Wonder who the tall fella is, the one in
the different outfit.

Oh, that's Baker.

He plays host at the ranch when he's not
cracking his whip at the gorillas.

I know that guy with the glove.

I brought his brother in last year.

I thought they had that fruitcake locked
up.

Boy, they look like leftovers from the
Planet of the Apes.

What did Terry get us into?

These guys are a bunch of maniacs.

And they all carry g*ns.

Come on, come on.

Is Ferris always with those guys?

Or the others?

Does Terry know what this is all about?

Yeah, I took some pictures.

I sent them to her by messenger,
and she should have them by now.

Hey, good thinking.

The only thing is, I
gotta figure out a way to

isolate Ferris, grab
him, and get out of here.

What about those other nuts?

I don't know part of them.

The best way to get to Ferris might be
her, that brunette over there.

She's his friend, or at least she knows
him.

You know, Howie, I know
you're gonna hate this, but

maybe you ought to try
to get friendly with her.

You just might learn something useful.

Think you can manage her, Howie?

She looks like she sees to the best.

Jody, when you will it, it will come true,
say the Zenmesters.

A Zen who?

When I studied at the monastery.

Monastery?

On Mount Fuji.

I think he fell off.

Will you get out of here?

I wonder how he's gonna pull this off.

I don't know, but it seems to be working.

Jody, let's go check out Ferris again.

I warn you, I don't believe in vacation
romances.

Why, hey, neither do I.

I believe that people should start out as
friends.

In fact, Pythagoras wrote that friendship
is one soul and two bodies.

Did Pythagoras write anything about
swimming?

Well, I don't... I'm
staying at the annex.

Meet me over at the pool in about 20
minutes.

Great.

I'll just go get changed.

By the way, where is the annex?

It's on the other side of the golf course.

Okay.

All right, Ferris, I want you to go back
to the camp with expl*sives, and I'll be

watching you from the chopper to make sure
you're not followed.

All our plans and codes are in the bunker.

This is one operation that's runnin' by
the book.

All right?

Let's go.

He's alone.

This may be my chance.

Let's go.

All right, if I'm lucky and grab him,
we have to get outta here fast.

Now, stay close to your radio.

Where to, sir?

Head back to the camp.

I wanna make sure Ferris isn't followed.

Yes, sir.

Red Four, this is Airborne One.

You read me.

Come in, Ferris.

Yes, sir.

You're comin' in loud and clear.

Let's go.

Careful drivin' those expl*sives.

Don't worry about it.

Circle back, there's somebody followin'
Ferris.

Airborne One.

Red Five, Airborne One callin'.

Elastic, get on the horn.

It's for you.

Elastic, where are you?

Yeah, yeah, what is it?

You're Red Five, remember?

Sure, Red Five.

What do you want, Baker?

Now, there's someone tailin' the jeep.

Could be a wanderer, but let's find out.

I'm with you, baby.

Say what?

All right, sorry, Airborne One.

Let's make it, Ogden!

Howdy.

You, uh, stayin' over at the Red Sands?

Yeah, that's right.

Ranch security.

Road's all broken up down the line.

Oh, thanks for the warning.

Say, uh, don't I know you from someplace?

Uh, no, I don't think so.

Anyway, thanks again.

I'll just, uh, head back.

Jody, I'm still following Ferris.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Here comes Ferris.

Jody, do you read me?

Go ahead, Colt.

I may have Ferris alone.

Round up Howie and get ready to roll.

I'll try and find him.

Okay, Ferris, let's go.

Who the hell are you?

Colt Seavers is his name.

Authorities, Los Angeles Municipal Court.

Now, let's go.

That was just our way of sayin' hello,
mister.

And we got a even better way of sayin'
goodbye.

Just who the hell are you, mister?

Jody?

What?

The Black Plague, damn soup!

k*ll him!

You wanna stay alive, make it look good.

You jerk, I'm undercover.

Get him!

Don't pull any punches or you're dead.

My leg!

It's broken.

It's time you lit your own fuse,
Morgan.

Morgan, you know this man, Ferris?

Yeah, I know him.

Clipped me for eight grand in Angola.

You never had eight thousand in your life,
you scum.

Quiet!

I'll deal with you later.

Easy, easy, easy!

Oh, sir.

I'm sorry, you can't go through like that.

This is the annex, isn't it?

I'm supposed to meet somebody.

Yes, sir, but I'm afraid you're gonna have
to conform to the dress code.

Dress code?

I'm dressed for the pool.

I'm afraid you're overdressed,
sir.

You see, this is the nude annex.

Nude?

You're kidding.

You're not kidding.

Who told you about our operation?

Grapevine.

What's your specialty, Morgan?

He thinks he's demolitioned.

Knock it off, Ferris.

As of now, you're out.

expl*sives.

Get Ferris to the van.

We're gonna drop him off at the hospital.

We haven't got time to waste with the
wounded.

You're not gonna let him live.

You don't know anything about him.

Let's waste him.

That's my decision.

Now get moving.

Move!

All three of them are stunt people.

That's interesting.

Anything else you can tell me about them?

Severs is a bounty hunter.

Hmm.

Very enlightening.

I was beginning to think you didn't want
to see me.

Oh, no.

I wanted to see you very much.

What I mean is...

It's terrific to see you.

What I mean to say is the
expression a woman wears on her

face is more important than the
clothes she wears on her back.

I think I'll get something cold to drink.

How about you?

No, no.

I think I'll just sit right here and soak
up the invigorating rays.

Don't let me stop you.

Hey, how far is this hospital anyway?

Don't worry about it.

Just drive.

Where was your last show, Morgan?

Nicaragua.

A fink ended up blowing the whole deal for
us.

Yeah, well, unfortunately it never came
off.

Yeah, and it was mostly your fault,
Morgan.

Hey, blow it out your ear, Ferris.

You fouled it up and you know it.

What's with a third degree?

I mean, the Colonel don't believe you,
Morgan.

He's no good, Colonel.

He'd cut off his own mother's hair if he
could make a buck.

You've had an interesting career,
Morgan.

Talk to Jojo Boyle about his career.

Morgan was involved in the Madagascar bust
-up.

What else are you going to spill about me,
Fink?

What brought you into the freelance
soldier business?

Well, what else was there after NOM?

What outfit were you in?

Second Battalion, Special Forces.

You were stationed up around Pyongyang,
weren't you?

No, a tongue suit.

Who was your CEO?

Colonel John Sanderson.

You must have known him.

Why?

You were right across the Mekong.

Green Beret.

Uh, excuse me.

May I ask you where you're going?

I'm going out to the pool.

Well, you can't go out there just like
that.

Don't worry, I'm not going swimming.

This is the nude sunbathing area.

Uh, look, you don't understand.

A person's life is at stake.

It's up to you.

Go nude.

Save a life.

Well?

I'm thinking.

Jody!

Jody!

What are you doing here?

Like that!

Don't get up!

Listen, Colt wants us to move as soon as
he gets here.

So get going.

After I leave!

What about Celeste?

Write her a letter.

We've lost enough time already.

Do you have a spare towel?

Did you get Ferris?

Not exactly.

He's in the hospital with a broken leg.

Seems he's not the person Terry thought he
was.

Well, who is he?

Some kind of government agent.

Anyway, call Terry.

Tell her to send an ambulance under escort
and get him out of that hospital.

And then we're getting out.

Hey, Morgan!

All yourself over here.

Baker wants us to stay nice and close
together.

Here's the alternate plan.

Yeah.

Come on.

Do you ever want to k*ll a guy and you
don't know why?

All the time.

That name Morgan?

Don't feel right.

Hey, can I buy you a drink?

Uh... Uh...

Sure.

Who are you?

I'll tell you after I tell you about you.

Me?

Colt Seavers.

Stuntman, bounty hunter.

And I hope a patriotic citizen.

And you?

Army counterintelligence.

I talked with Ferris at the hospital and
then checked you out.

Ferris was our mole inside Baker's
operation.

He was supposed to bring out Baker's plans
and his codes.

But you sprang our trap.

We've got to find out what Baker's target
is and when it's going to be.

What's going to happen?

The Pentagon's elected you, Colt.

Baker hasn't bought me yet.

He will.

We've given you a background that makes Al
Capone look like a Sunday school teacher.

I'm going to put this on the most basic
level.

Your country needs you more than ever.

I guess that's as realistic.

Good.

Tell Jody and Howie to get rid of Lustick.

Howie, Jody, hi.

Carrie, what are you doing here?

I came just as soon as I saw your
photographs.

Well, why didn't you call?

I was afraid your room phone might be
tapped.

Where's Colt?

He's over there.

Colt, hi.

I just checked out those pictures Jody
sent.

Colt, are you listening to me?

Oh, um, I see it but I don't believe it.

You actually are a woman.

Thank you.

Colt, listen, I've got to apologize to
you.

I'm so sorry.

I had no idea what I was getting you into.

Oh, no, no.

It's okay.

I remember your exact words.

Uh, Colt, this job is a breeze.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, okay.

So the breeze turned into a hurricane.

Listen, do you know who these men are?

Alvin Trump escaped from a federal
penitentiary in Atlanta after bashing his

cellmate over the head and stuffing him
into a mattress.

Mark Figg escaped
from a hospital for the

criminally insane after
k*lling his psychiatrist.

We're introduced.

Colt, please.

I am perfectly prepared to give up my
bail.

I just don't want you dealing with these
people.

I want you out.

I'm sorry that's too late.

Our operation's already in the works.

You have a hell of a reputation,
Morgan.

I'm taking you in with us.

What's the deal?

Ten thousand dollars.

Round trip.

One week.

Dress rehearsal tomorrow morning.

We'll leave tomorrow night.

Now, are you in?

I'm in.

Good.

Welcome aboard.

I'll buy you a drink.

Wait a minute.

I got it!

Amarillo.

That's where it was.

Amarillo.

His name's not Morgan.

It's...

It's... Oh, Severs.

With a lousy... Wait
a minute, Sugar.

What about me?

I grabbed my brother right out of a bar.

I remember him plenty.

This is Airborne One.

All right, everybody down there.

I'm on my way.

Let's start the rehearsal.

This is Airborne One.

Where the hell is Lusty?

Terry, tell Celeste we'll go after Lusty.

Come on.

There's Colt's truck.

Good driving, Jody.

Looks like we beat Lustig here.

Keep it running.

Where are you going?

I gotta warn Colt, Lustig is coming.

Over here, Morgan.

Get out of here, Jody!

Go get the sheriff!

Glad you could drop in, kid.

What are you doing out here, anyway?

I came to warn you.

Lustig knows who you are.

That's the difference right now,
doesn't it?

Did you see the way I came over that hill?

What a stunt.

Gravity did all the work.

Oh, look what we got.

Don't admire them, use them.

Lower the drawbridge, kid.

Bob's the way.

What are they so mad about?

People are just sensitive, kid.

I have him in sight.

Now get us down there.

Get it broadside.

I can't get a clear shot.

It's too dangerous.

Do it.

He's getting closer.

How can you tell?

I can't miss.

All units proceed to sector 64.

I'm going in to finish the job.

They'll think we're under the jeep.

That's just what I want them to do.

Well, there's the executioner.

How do we get out of here?

There's our transportation, kid.

Come on.

We

gotta get back to base and get those
plans.

Lady, I hope coming out here makes some
kind of sense.

Look, I told you, the case turned out
bigger than we thought.

Now, someone's already been hurt.

A guy.

He's a member of Army counterintelligence.

And there's a good
chance that someone could

get k*lled if we don't
get out there right away.

Anybody who is a bounty hunter has got to
be crazy.

Look, what about that guy at the hospital?

He could be in danger for life.

He's one of those creeps.

How about I station one of my deputies at
the hospital?

Okay.

I'll be glad to see that ranch again.

Not for a while.

It's the only way we can stop Baker.

What are you talking about?

Cole, we're going in the wrong direction.

No, we're not.

But we're headed back to Baker's camp.

This may be a dumb question, but what are
you doing?

I have a plan in mind.

Do you want to share it?

Part of it.

We're going back to get Baker's plans and
codes for his operation.

That's it?

Anything else?

I haven't got it all worked out yet.

Wonderful.

You want to go back in the bunker?

This is your plan?

You've seen too many instant replays.

What are we looking for, Cole?

Baker's plan of operation.

We'll see if we can find out what he's up
to.

You see what you can find.

I'll try and get help.

Jody should be with the sheriff by now.

Jody, do you read me?

What do the plans look like?

You'll know them when you see them.

We've got to find out what he's up to.

Jody, this is Colt.

Do you read?

That's him, Colt.

Colt, Jody here.

Where are you?

At Baker's camp.

Listen, get help as quick as you can.

I'm ahead of you.

I'm with, um... I'm with, uh...

This here is Sheriff Joe Mayrack.

Now, just what is going on?

Good work, Jody.

Sheriff, anybody tell you you have a
mighty sweet voice?

Well, a few years back, I used to be a
pretty good country western singer.

Of course, that was before I got into law
enforcement.

Yeah, where are you?

Just past in Lunar Rock.

Question is, where are you?

Well, I'm not sure.

It's some kind of compound.

We're in an underground bunker.

Hey, you're at the old National Guard
training base.

How far are you from here?

Just around the corner, so to speak.

Hang tight.

This is it, Colt.

It's all here.

The plans and the codes.

We got Baker and Nathan.

Get out the g*ns and the bazooka and keep
the chopper warm.

Morgan, or whatever your
name is, you've got exactly

three minutes to get out
of there or you are ashes.

I've got to get this information out.

Colt, there's no time to make calls.

Just burn them out.

Don't be a fool.

That whole operation depends on the codes.

I need them intact.

Besides, those two only got one way out of
there.

Jody, do you read?

Got you, Colt.

Smoke them out.

We found Baker's plan and his codes.

Now, I don't know if we'll be able to make
it out.

Colt!

So get this and get it fast.

Okay, fire away.

I wish you hadn't said that.

Jody, the mission's an insurrection in San
Marcos.

Baker and his men are going to hit the
main power station in the capital.

We warn our counterintelligence
that an uprising at the San

Marcos airport in 12 hours
signals the start of the revolution.

I ought to give you guys a medal for this.

I hate posthumous medals.

It's hopeless.

Let's go.

The sheriff said this was an old guard's
barracks.

There should be an air shaft in here
somewhere.

Not necessarily.

They usually take it out with the
equipment.

I say we make a run for it.

How far do you think we'd get?

Is that part of your plan?

Yeah.

The part that wasn't worked out yet.

Gas masks.

Once I get in there, Severs is never gonna
make it out alive.

Baker ain't gonna like ya.

Well, I'd smoke.

Who's gonna tell?

Like a smoked fish.

Colt, look at this.

What?

This must be the airship.

Let's get down there.

Get out of here.

There must be.

There's only one way out.

Not anymore.

Follow him in there.

Okay, let's go for the chopper.

If we'll ever get near it.

Well, I hate to be childish, but if we
can't play with Baker's toy, neither can he.

Stop at the truck, Sheriff.

Here it is.

Right where Colt left it.

See?

What'd I tell ya?

By golly, this ain't no paramilitary
operation.

It's World w*r III.

They're heading for the rocks.

Move out!

Come on, move out!

Let's go!

Bring out the bazooka.

They're bringing out a bazooka,
Colt.

You figured out the rest of your plan?

It's taking shape, kid.

Well, could you plot it a little faster?

There's never a writer around when you
need one.

So, what are we gonna do?

What we usually do.

Improvise.

You ready?

Ready.

Hey, this is just like the way we did
Butch Cassidy in the Sundance Kid.

Remember the end part, where we charge out
and face the entire militia?

Yeah, I remember it.

We died.

Hey, Gail, where you going?

After Colton Howie!

Follow me!

After Colton Howie!

Follow me!

After Colton Howie!

Follow me!

After Colton Howie!

Follow me!

Ready to fire, Colonel.

Fire!

Colt, my reality says we should surrender.

That ain't reality, that's fantasy.

Colt, he's a military man.

His entire psyche is honed by the rule
book.

Yeah, the part that says take no
prisoners.

Fire!

Bedtime is the charm!

This is a no-miss situation.

On target, ready to fire.

Fire!

Watch out!

I'll never make it over that ridge.

Will we?

Only if we fly.

Hey, you did good, Jody.

I had the best teacher.

What's your next demonstration?

Oh, watch me.

We can hardly wait.

One down, three to go.

I hope counter-intelligence carries
insurance.

What are you doing now?

Oh, a woman's work is never done.

That chief might have trouble making that
hill.

Why don't we give him a little help?

You all right, Lustig?

Yeah, but Baker's gonna k*ll both of us.

Two down, two to go.

It's time to head home.

Bring the good colonel with us,
Jody.

Baker's getting close, Colt.

I'm gonna try and make him pass us.

It's your show, Jody.

Get out.

Get out.

Get out.

Get out.

Get out.

I should've burned you in the bunker.

The operation's over, colonel.

Not until the last drop of blood.

It just, well, I don't intend it to be
mine.

It's too bad, colonel.

Not a drop of blood anywhere.

Here's to a nice easy job next time.

And here's to being rich enough so I can
turn it down.

And here's to me.

And why not?

Howie?

Oh, I was just thinking about Celeste.

Are you thinking about seeing her again,
kid?

Well, yeah.

No.

Well, I mean, sure, I wouldn't mind seeing
her again.

But not like that, if that's what you
meant.

Not that I think there's anything wrong
with that.

It's perfectly healthy.