02x04 - I'm Mad/Bad Mood Bobby/Katie Ka-Boom: The Blemish/Fake

[bunniefuu]

[***]

Okay, one time Randy Beaman
knew this creepy guy.

And Randy Beaman says to him,
"Get lost."

And so he did.

And then nobody
ever found the guy.

It's true. Okay, bye.

* It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax
You'll laugh till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH:
* Come join the
Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister
Dot *

ALL:
* Just for fun we run around
The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower
Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose
And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

*We've got wisecracks
By the stacks *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain
Who want to rule the universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em
With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy
While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped
We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play
Contracts *

*We're zany to the max
There's bologna in our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* Here's the show's name-y *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

[***]

[***]

[ALL SNORING]

[POUNDING
ON DOOR]

* Wake up, it's late
It's 20 minutes after 8 *

* Everyone, get up
It's time to go *

* Up and at 'em now
Come on, shake a leg *

* Have some juice
And scrambled egg *

* On the floor and out the door
Let's get on our way *

* Hey, watch out *

* What's the matter? *

* You almost knocked me
Off the ladder *

* No, I didn't *

* Yes, you did
I almost fell *

* Don't exaggerate *
* I'm not *

* Yeah, right *

* Are you trying to
pick a fight? *

* Will you get out of
My face? *

* You're always in
My space *

* Hey, get off
Each other's case *

* Because we're trying
To get along *

* I want pancakes or a waffle
This tastes awful *

* Is that all
We've got? *

* Can't find my clothes
And I need to blow my nose *

* And my socks are full of holes
And my shoelace has a knot *

* That's
My toothbrush *

* No, it's not *

* It's sitting in my slot *

* No, it isn't *

* This is mine and
That one's yours *

* Well you're standing
In my way *
* That's tough *

* All right, that's enough *

* Everybody, get your stuff *

* Because we're going
Out the door *

* Every time we get into the car
It's so much work *

* It takes us


* While you're driving me
Berserk *

* With your playing
And your jumping *

* And your running
All about *

* When I finally get you inside
You always lock me out *

* I'm mad, I'm mad
I'm really, really, really mad *

* You poked me with your elbow
In my side *

* No, I didn't *

* Yes, you did, you did
And I'm just a little kid *

* You're lying
Don't deny it *

* Oh, I'm gonna hit you *

* Yeah, just try it *

* Will both of you be quiet *

* 'Cause we're driving
In a car *

* Ow, he hit me *

* Ow, she bit me *

* He said he's
Gonna get me *

* No, I didn't *
* Yes, you did *

* All right, that's it
Now I forbid *

*Either one of you to say
Another word *

* Are we there yet?
I'm tired *

* I'm hungry
How far? *

* My nose is snotty
Need to move my body *

* Gotta use the potty
Better stop the car *

* Stop it *
* No, you stop it *

* Why can't you both
Just drop it? *

* He started it *

* Oh, yeah, I'm really
Sure, uh-huh *
* Nuh-uh *

* It's your fault *

* No, it's not
Your leg is in my spot *

* Yakko, you be quiet
And that goes for you too, Dot *

[HORN HONKS]

* Every time we take a trip
It's always just the same *

* With the fighting
And the biting *

* And the calling
All those names *

* There's pushing and shoving
There's scratching on the neck *

* When we finally get to
Where we're going *

* Everyone's a wreck *

[ALL HUMMING]

* I'm mad, I'm mad *
* Are we there yet? *

* I'm really, really mad *
* I'm tired *

* You poked me with your elbow
In my side *
* No, I didn't *

* You did, you did *
* Nose is snotty *

* I'm just a little kid *
* Need to move my body *

* Would both of you be quiet
'Cause were driving in a car *

[***]

* We're here
We're here *

* Doesn't anybody
Want to give a cheer? *

* You mean, this is where
We're all gonna spend the day? *

* At the circus? *

* Hey, guys, look
They got rides *

* Now you're satisfied? *

* All right, everyone inside
And let's have some fun, okay? *

[WARNERS CHEERING]

* I'm glad
I'm glad *

* What a really great time
We had *

* See, those lions
And those tigers *

* Weren't they neat? *

* Are you happy now? *

* We are
Thanks a lot *

* I'm sorry
That we fought *

* From now on
I'll get along *

* That's all right, Dot
I was wrong *

* Ah, that's nice
Now, come along *

* Let's all get
In the car *

* You can take the seat you like
You're always so gallant *

* Ah, thank you, Dot
But ladies first *

* You take the seat
You want *

* Everybody's happy now
We've had a real good day *

* And now it's time to
Go back home *

* So let's be
On our way *

DOT:
You hit me.

YAKKO:
No, I didn't.

Yes, you did. Stop it!
No, you stop it.

Move your leg.
No, you move your leg.

You started it.
No, I didn't. You did.

No, I didn't, you did.

Don't you cross that line.
This is the line right here.

Oh, yeah?
Since when?

Get out of my face.

[BOTH TALKING AT SAME TIME]

NARRATOR:
It's Mime Time.

Today on Mime Time:

finding an imaginary coin.

[***]

The end.

[***]

[***]

NARRATOR:
Did you ever have
one of those days?

You know, you get up...
[YAWNS]

...on the wrong side
of the roost.

You have to skip breakfast.

[GROANS]

You can't find
a perching space.

And by the time you get where
you're going,

you're in a pretty bad mood.

Bobby was having
one of those days.

Hey, Bobby, old buddy,
old pal.

Hi, Bobby.
How's it going?

Get lost.

I don't need no aggravation,
so take a flight.

You in a bad mood,
Bobby?

Why? Do I look like
I'm in a bad mood?
[GULPS]

I don't know. Maybe you look
like you're in a bad mood.

So, what if I am?
Big deal!

What's it to you?!

Go flap yourselves
unconscious.

[COOS]

Nothing worse than when
Bobby gets the depressives.

Know the best way to
get rid of the bad mood blues?

Sure. I keep eating until
I look like Gary Busey.

That's the dingiest idea
you ever uttered, Squit.

The only way to get rid of
the bad mood blues is to laugh.

"Ipso factoto,"
we make Bobby laugh.

You with me on this?

Sure, Pesto, whatever you say.
You're the boss.

What's that
supposed to mean?

I'm just saying
you're the boss.

The boss? What? Are you saying
that I am Tony Danza?

Is that what
you're saying?

No, no, that's not
what I'm saying.

Oh. So what you
are saying...

is that I am
Bruce Springsteen

here to wear a red bandana
and sing "Born In The U.S.A."?

Is that what
you're saying?

No, I'm not
saying that.

You're saying that
I am the boss.

Yeah, yeah.
That's what I'm saying.

That's it!
I'll give you

a boss, you big tutti-frutti!
Pesto, knock it off.

Take that, you swaybacked,
wingtip peckarooni!

Come on, I need
those feathers, Pesto.

Come on, lay off...

[***]

[BIKE BELL RINGS]

Laughter is contagious,
Squit.

So l laugh, you laugh,
he laughs.

Get it?
Got it.

Fine.

Ha-ha.

Look at that bird.

Funny-looking,
ain't he, Bobby?

[LAUGHING]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Whoa!

[ELECTRICITY
CRACKLING]

You still in a bad
mood, Bobby?

[CRACKLING]

I'll take that
as a yes.

Whoa!

[DISTANT CRASH]

Mowww!

Mamma mia, tutta famiglia.
What a day am I having.

[***]

Feta fedelini. What
a melancholy birdie.

We gotta do something
drastic.
[SNAPS]

Squit, I want you
should sneak up on him,

grab him, and hold him
while I tickle him.

He'll annihilate me.

He don't, I will!

Don't make a move, Bobby.
It's not me, Squit.
[GRUNTING]

It's, uh, some seedy sparrow
come to beak you out,

so don't look around.

Squit, I'm gonna whack you
to Hong Kong,

you don't let go
of my wings.

Tickle, tickle,
tickle, tickle.

[LAUGHS, ALL SCREAM]

[***]

[SIGHS]

[DRUMMING CAN]

Hey. How you all doing?

I tell you, a funny thing
happened to me

on the way out here
to Hoboken.

I got hit by a train.

[PLAYS RIMSHOT]

You know what was on my mind
at the time?

My tail feathers.

[LAUGHS, RIMSHOT]

Oh. Knock off
the bad jokes, Pesto.

You think these jokes
are bad?

Then you should have
been here yesterday.

I was out of town.
[LAUGHS]

[PLAYS RIMSHOT]

I met an elephant
the other day,

and I knew he was
from Tuscaloosa.

Why? Because
his tusk was loosa.

[PLAYS RIMSHOT]
[LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

[BONES CRACK]

You two give me
any more agita today,

and I'm gonna cream you
like corn.

The Godpigeon.

[KISSING FEET TWICE]

[KISSES]

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

The Godpigeon says he wants
that I should cheer up.

Things could be
worse.

I could be
molting.

[LAUGHS]

Molting?
That don't happen.

Pigeons do not molt.

Aah! I molted!

Ha-ha-ha. You're bald
as an egg, Pesto.

A big, beaking bald-o.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHS]

You think I am funny?

No. I think you're
in a bad mood.

I'll give you a bad mood!
Upside the head!

Pesto, come on.
No, no.

I'll make gravy
out of your beakbone,

you big sack of
garbanzo beans!

Giamelli!
Gorgonzola!

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I'm in
a good mood now.

[LAUGHING]

[***]

Okay.
One time Randy Beaman

had to take baths
with his brother.

So one time his little brother
took a potty in the bathtub.

And now Randy Beaman
gets to take showers by himself.

[GLASS
BREAKS]

Okay, bye.

[***]

MOM:
Katie. Oh, Katie, darling.

Coming, mom.
Hello, wonderful family.

Well, hi there,
princess.

Don't you look lovely
for your date with Jared.

It's not a date, Mom.
It's a study group.

My mistake.

What's that
on your face?

A pimple?

[GASPS]

[GROWLING]

Oh, dear.
Here we go again.

Hit the dirt!

[GASPS]

Incoming!

[ANGRILY]
I have a pimple.
I have a pimple.

[DEMONIC VOICE]
I have a pimple!

[SCREAMING]

[GASPS]

It's only
a small blemish.

Nothing to get
excited over.

[DEMONIC VOICE]
Nothing?

You call this nothing?

Uh, i-- It's just that we
don't want you to g-g-get upset.

[GROWLING]

You think everything
I do is wrong!

Hello, 911? Hormonal teenager
losing it on Oak Tree Lane.

Send reinforcements.

Send reinforcements.

[***]

Remodeling,
huh?

Um, is Katie ready for
study group?

Okay. I'm ready.
Let's go.

Your family's nice.

They have
their moments.

She'll grow out of it.
Won't she?

* Her family knows that
Anytime soon *

* Their little lady Katie
Goes...kaboom *

NARRATOR:
It's time for another
Good idea, Bad idea.

Good idea:

tossing a penny into a fountain
to make a wish.

Bad idea:

tossing your cousin Penny into
a fountain to make a wish.

Good idea:

giving your dog a bath.

Bad idea:

having your dog
dry-cleaned.

Good idea:

playing horsy with
your little sister.

Bad idea:

playing horsy with
your Aunt Bertha.

Good idea:

throwing a surprise party
for your father.

ALL:
Surprise!

Bad idea:

throwing a surprise party
for your grandfather.

ALL:
Surprise!
[GASPS]

Good idea:

playing cops and robbers
in the park.

Bad idea:

playing cops and robbers
in the bank.

[g*ns c*ck]

Good idea:

playing catch
with your grandfather.

Bad idea:

playing catch
with your grandfather.

Good idea:

playing the scales
on a piano.
[CRACKS KNUCKLES]

[PLAYS]

Bad idea:

[CRACKS KNUCKLES]
playing
the scales on a fish.

[GROWLS]

The end.

Know what?
Okay.

One time Randy Beaman
ate some corn flakes.

But it wasn't corn flakes.

It was his brother's
scab collection.

Okay, bye.

[***]

[***]

Ladies and gentlemen...

let's get ready
to stumble!

This is the main event.

Welcome to the Quarrelmania
pro wrestling

championship of the world!

[GIGGLES]
Ooh.

This is going to be
a real slamfest.

Take those off.

No. We don't want
anyone to see us here.

It's embarrassing.

[GROWLS]

[ALL GASP]

In this corner...

Ironhead McCann!

[CROWD BOOING]

Boo! Get out of
the ring, you bum!

And his opponent,

champion of the world,

the Belgian behemoth,
Lardo!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Woof, woof, woof.

Why aren't you
woofing?

We said we'd come
with you, Scratchy.

We didn't say
we'd enjoy it.

Besides,
it's fake.

[GASPS]

It is not!

You don't know
anything about wrestling.

[BELL RINGS]

[BOTH GROWLING]

[GRUNTING]

Ooh. That was
a nasty.

[***]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING EXCITEDLY]

See? I told you
it was fake.

It's not fake.

He didn't even
touch the guy.

It's...not...
fake!

Who said "fake"?

[SCREAMS,
WHINES]

You wanna see
how fake it is?

Who, me?

No, Lardo, really.
Oh. No. No, no, no, Lardo!

You-- You don't understand.

[WHACKING]
Oooh.

Eeeee.

Aaaah.

Oooow.

Oooh.

Ouchie.

[SCREAMS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Hey, I guess it's not
fake after all.

[***]

ALL:
Ciao, America!