01x08 - WhoDonut/Mousechurian Candidate/Starbox and Cindy

[bunniefuu]

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

It's time for Animaniacs! ♪

And we're zany to the max ♪

So just sit back and relax ♪

You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

- Come join the Warner Brothers ♪

- And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

Just for fun, we run around

the Warner movie lot ♪

They lock us in the tower

whenever we get caught ♪

But we break loose and then vamoose

and now you know the plot ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

Our careers have made comebacks ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

Meet Pinky and the Brain

who want to rule the universe ♪

A brand new cast who tested well

in focus group research ♪

Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

And ethnically diverse ♪

The trolls will say we're so passé,

but we did meta first ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

You should see our new contracts ♪

We're zany to the max,

there's baloney in our slacks ♪

We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪

ill*gal in Bahrain-y ♪

Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[♪♪♪]

[TRANQUIL MUSIC]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

[GRUNT, SCREAMING]

[BANGING]

[SCREAMING]

Wakko! Stop screaming!

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

[CLICKING, SCREAMING GETS QUIETER]

[INAUDIBLE]

W-what'd he say? Yakko,

turn it back up.

[CLICK]

[BEEP]

- [SPEAKS SPANISH]

Ooh! Should we do the rest

of this episode in Spanish?

No. My accent is

moo-wee terr-e-blay.

Heh. I better change it back.

[CLICK]

Somebody ate my donuts!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Maple bacon.

Tarragon fried chicken caramel.

Goat cheese and

just a soupcon of mustache cream.

Oh no.

Wakko, were these designer donuts?

Someone must've

snuck in while I was asleep

and eaten them.

DOT: Step back, boys.

This is an active crime scene.

Now, to look for forensic evidence.

Yakko, turn on the black light.

[EDM MUSIC]

Nothing unusual there.

Hm

Okay. I've isolated particulate

matter from the crime scene.

And judging from the crumb spatter,

I'd say these donuts were eaten

in the last eight to twelve hours.

WAKKO: Wait a minute!

Where were you guys last night?

- It wasn't us.

- Yeah.

We had that blind date with those bats.

[BAROQUE MUSIC]

[SCREECH]

[SHATTER]

Oh, I'm sorry.

My echolocation goes into panic mode

every time something comes towards me.

No need to apologize, sir. Some bread?

[SCREECH]

Well,

that's the strongest alibi

I've ever heard.

Consider yourselves lucky.

Because when I find

the person who did this,

I'm gonna turn their faces into

mashed potatoes with butter and gravy.

Oh, man. Mashed potatoes with gravy

was one of the donut flavors.

[CRYING]

Don't worry, Wakko. We'll find out

what happened to your donuts.

- You will?!

- We have to.

We have about eight minutes to fill.

Well, well, well.

Looks like we have a real

who-donut on our hands.

[♪♪♪]

[ZAP]

[SCREAMS]

Worth it.

We need to make a list of suspects!

Ant!

[SNIFFING]

I guess you could say we have a new

"ten-ant."

[CLICK]

[ZAP]

- Listen up, chump.

You got a real problem. And it's me.

[GASPS] Are you suggesting

I'm being defi-ant?

[ZAP]

[SCREAMS] I promise,

no more ant-ics.

[ZAPPING]

[SCREAMING]

I think that's enough pun-ishment.

But, but

[GROANS]

[HEAVENLY MUSIC]

[ZAP]

Come on! We have to follow that ant!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

[BUS HORN HONKS]

[SNORING]

ALL: Ralph!

- Ah! Ow!

What-- I--

[STAMMERING]

Did you eat Wakko's donuts?!

Huh? Did ya?!

- Help! No! Wah!

- You lying to me?

- No! Uh [CLEARS THROAT]

I am on the paleo diet!

- What's that?

- I can only eat things

that are shaped like dinosaurs!

I've eaten nothing but these

vitamin gummies for weeks!

[ALARM BEEPING]

[GROANS]

- He's telling the truth.

And to save you on a DNA kit,

it's British all the way back.

[GULPS]

- Well, if you didn't do it, then who did?

Uh

Follow the money.

- Don't get smart with me!

- I couldn't if I wanted to!

[CRYING]

- Poor Ralph. He's just a patsy.

- That's right.

Keyser Soze! Red pill blue pill!

Forget it, Ralph, it's Chinatown!

- What the--

- Have a nice flight!

[BUZZ]

[GASPS]

[YELLING]

[GRUNTS]

[YELLING CONTINUES]

- The only person powerful enough

to keep Ralph quiet

is the CEO!

So, it goes all the way to the top!

Then we're heading

in the wrong direction!

No, we're not!

[♪♪♪]

Look, I don't care that

your girlfriend's new nose

fell into a subway toilet.

We need that rewrite

by the end of the day, or--

We know you ate my donuts!

The only question is,

how high does this thing go?

One moment, please.

[BEEP]

[SPUTTERS, LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

[♪♪♪]

You think--

[SPUTTERS]

I would risk my chance

to make it to the singularity

by eating refined sugar?

[SPUTTERS, LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[CUTS GLASS]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

We're not getting anywhere!

Ah maybe we need to

go back to the beginning.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

It's time for Animaniacs ♪

No! Stop! Stop!

[THEME STOPS]

I meant the hipster neighborhood

where Wakko bought his donuts,

you dumb whoever you are!

MAN: Okay, fine! And I'm not dumb.

[♪♪♪]

[BELL RINGING]

- We're here!

[THUNDER CRACKS]

Ah!

[SNIFFING]

[PANTING]

DOT: Alright, sister!

Who runs this place? Is it a cult?

A deep state conspiracy?

A group of rogue CIA agents

turned renegade assassins?

Ugh! What?

Which part didn't you hear, hun?

Um, like, all of the part that you said?

YAKKO: You haven't noticed anyone

strange come into the shop

lately, have you?

Uh, this place sells donuts for $6

in an abandoned brass factory,

and we're only open on days it rains.

So, like, everyone who

comes in here is strange.

Uh-huh. Well, anybody come in here

trying to flip some stolen donuts?

We wouldn't buy back our own donuts.

Ew. That'd be gross.

Here's our card.

Call us if you remember anything.

While we're here, I might as well order

two dozen sawdust donuts,

and another dozen of glazed squid ink.

Whatever.

[♪♪♪]

You can charge all of that onto this.

[DOOR BELL RINGING]

I'm only accepting this because my boss

is my super supportive dad,

and I wanna make him angry! For no reason.

[♪♪♪]

He takes a maple bite,

he takes a squid ink bite!

He takes a frosted bite,

he takes all his bites--

Sugar crash positions!

[BOTH INHALE]

- Well, that didn't help him at all.

- Fine.

You be the sugar crash marshal

from now on.

[SNORING]

It's been a long day, sis.

Maybe we should go to bed, too.

Ooh! Can we watch some TV first?

Please?

- Fine.

Let's watch Animaniacs!

[CLICK]

[SNORING]

[BOTH GASP]

[SNORING CONTINUES]

[GROGGY MURMURING]

[CHOMPING]

[BOTH GASP]

Plot twist! Wakko ate his own donuts!

[SNORING]

Ugh. That is so

predictable.

- Predictable.

BOTH: That's what I was gonna say!

It was?

Beef Wellington.

Belgium. My favorite color is

lamppost!

Whoa.

So, what should we do now?

[♪♪♪]

Thanks for letting us pick the place.

- No problem.

- More tea, anyone?

I wanna go home.

[THUNDER CRACKS]

[♪♪♪]

Gee, Brain,

what do you wanna do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[THUNDER CRACKS]

[PINKY AND THE BRAIN THEME]

They're Pinky and the Brain,

yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

One is a genius, the other's insane ♪

They're laboratory mice ♪

Their genes have been spliced ♪

They're dinky,

they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[♪♪♪]

[TENSE MUSIC]

[SQUEAKING]

[SQUEAKING]

[CLICK, SCREECHING]

[SQUEAKS]

[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]

And the winner is

mouse J37.

Narf! All my money was on K52.

[STRAINING]

Now, how am I going to buy you

a birthday present? Uh--

I mean, how will

Santa buy your birthday present?

I'm afraid you're a few reindeer

short of a sleigh, Pinky.

Now, to the operating room.

[BEEP]

[♪♪♪]

[SCREECH]

[CLANGING]

As you know, Pinky,

I have been planning to run for President.

But the American people don't

trust politicians who fly solo.

Despite my obvious brilliance,

there's one thing I've overlooked.

My First Lady!

[♪♪♪]

Nancy Reagan's pearls,

Hillary Clinton's pantsuit,

Jackie O's hat.

[GASPS]

Are we doing a spell?

[GASPS] Are we witches now?

- Be quiet, Pinky,

and hand me the final ingredient.

Barbara Bush's memoir,

written from her dog's perspective.

[ELECTRONIC WHIRRING]

[BUBBLING, HISSING]

[TERRIFIED SCREECHING]

[ELECTRIC ZAPPING]

[HUMMING]

[HISSING]

[FOREBODING MUSIC]

[♪♪♪]

Hello, world.

It's an honor to be here.

BRAIN: Wonderful.

J37, from the moment I set eyes on you,

20 minutes ago,

I wanted to edit your DNA

against your will,

and ask you one question.

Will you be my First Lady?

Yay!

[ROMANTIC MUSIC]

Hm.

Fine, but I am changing my name to Julia,

keeping my own bank account,

and I already told my parents

we'd go to their place

for Thanksgiving. [HAUGHTY CHUCKLE]

Hm. Perhaps a tad

too much Hillary Clinton.

How romantic!

Alright. Pay attention. Here is my plan.

- What's all this?

- Oh! Are you wedding planning?

Brain, I don't mean to be dramatic,

but if I'm not your best man,

it will literally k*ll me!

No, and stop interrupting me!

Oh dear. Someone's being a bridezilla.

Are you finished?

I have scientifically analyzed

the shortest and most

assured path to the Presidency.

And from there, world domination.

The first step, running for Senate.

There's a special election

this month in Iowa,

into which I will swoop and win

as a charismatic dark horse.

Now that I have Julia by my side,

all I need do is show

the average Joe that I care.

[PATRIOTIC MUSIC]

Uh. Uh. Um No.

Ugh!

[CRYING]

[BABY GURGLING HAPPILY]

[SHUTTER SNAP]

That I'm just like them.

[WHIRRING]

Ah!

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[SHUTTER SNAP]

This is it, Pinky.

In just a few moments,

I'll be announced Senator!

Well, folks,

with all districts reporting,

the winner is

Julia Brain.

[HAUGHTY LAUGH]

What?

[CHEERING]

How is this possible?!

CROWD: Julia! Julia!

Julia received 97%

of all votes cast as a write-in.

In second place,

another write-in for "Updog."

What's Updog?

CROWD: Julia! Julia!

BRAIN: I can't believe

I didn't get a single vote!

They wrote her in, and wrote me out!

Well, at least you're married

to the most popular candidate

in America.

- Wait a minute.

Pinky, that's it!

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so, Brain, but do

we really want to taste the Rockies?

There are so many moose up there.

No, Pinky. Julia should be President,

while I'm the Svengali behind the scenes.

Like d*ck Cheney, Rasputin,

or that Svengali chap

whose name eludes me.

Yes.

[CHUCKLES]

A fidget spinner factory

in America's heartland,

the perfect place to begin

your Presidential campaign.

I must say, Brain, I-I thought

you would be more upset. I

I know how much you

wanted to be President.

Not at all. As your husband,

I'm here to support you.

Here. I even took the liberty

of punching up your speech.

Thank you, Brain.

[SIGHS] I want a relationship

like you two have.

I've tried online dating,

but I keep getting cat-fished.

I mean, yes, she is gorgeous, Brain,

but how do I know she's even real?

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

Thank you. Go, Tar Heels!

Or am I in Wolfpack territory?

[HAUGHTY LAUGH]

[APPLAUSE]

But listen, I'm not here to butter you up

with local sports references.

I think it's about time we put a mouse

in the White House!

[APPLAUSE]

My God, I got a gift.

We're going to teach children

to build bombs that crush our enemies!

We're going to teach children

W-wait, what?

Their tiny hands are the perfect size

for intricate weaponry.

Their t-t-tiny hands are perfect

Come on, come on, say it.

Perfect

[♪♪♪]

For-- for-- building a better tomorrow!

No. That's not my speech!

You know what?

I had this whole speech written,

but I think it's time I stopped

speaking from the brain,

and start speaking from the heart.

[GASPS]

My name is Julia,

and I'm asking for your vote.

[CHEERING]

Wow, Brain! It seems like

she doesn't need you at all! [GUFFAWS]

Looks like it's time for plan B.

A terrible shadow of foreboding

has fallen over the proceedings.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTS]

Is this Plan B?!

'Cause I love it! Whee!

It's the night of the first

Presidential debate,

and it feels like all eyes are

on the race's front runner,

Julia Brain.

[♪♪♪]

Ooh! Sorry it took so long.

The barista kept saying,

"Coffee for Pinky!"

And I was like, no, it's for Julia!

Thank you, Pinky.

Pinky, I need to have a chat with Julia.

Do your best impression of

Colony Collapse Disorder.

How do I do that, Brain?

- Bee. Gone.

- Off I go!

Brain, I don't like

the way you treat Pinky.

Ha! I give Pinky's life meaning,

like I gave your life meaning.

You've given me the power of speech,

but you'll never control me.

Oh, on the contrary. I already do.

During your procedure,

I installed an obedience chip,

just in case my machinations went awry.

You monster.

Ah, ah, ah.

Genius.

You Y-you

[ZAP]

[GRUNTING]

Genius.

Why, thank you, Julia.

Now, go on stage and join the debate.

Good evening. I'm Raquel Madcow,

live from Nashua, New Hampshire.

Please welcome

your 2020 Presidential candidates,

Governor Tanya Walsh

and Senator Julia Brain.

[ZAP]

Senator,

voters are concerned about

corruption in government.

How would your

administration address this?

[BEEPING]

[SIP]

[GRUNTS]

I would simply allow

the most intelligent minds

To make all of the decisions,

like Brain.

[ZAP]

[GRUNTING]

Get out of my head!

Excuse me?

Senator?

[BEEPING]

Um, yes. Um

As President, I'll send

JULIA: As President, I'll send

undesirables to the moon.

Hey, lady. I'm an undesirable,

and there's no way I'm moving to the moon!

'Cause there aren't g*ns there!

Who cares what you think? You

Well-informed voter whose opinions are

[ZAP]

[SCRATCHY, DEMONIC VOICE]

quackier than a quack-a-lack.

Things are getting out of hand.

Time to regain control.

[BEEP]

[♪♪♪]

[ZAP]

[YELP]

[SHRIEKING]

[PANTING]

All this time,

I've been manipulated by a tyrant!

[ZAP]

But, isn't the real tyrant

high fructose corn syrup?

That's why my platform is

[DEMONIC VOICE]

Eat the children!

[CROWD GASPS]

[SCREAMING]

[PANTING]

[GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪]

Woo-hoo!

Big finish! Yay!

Uh

Governor, your response?

Uh

Free hats for everyone!

[CHEERING]

[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]

That does it.

I'm changing my vote!

[♪♪♪]

MADCOW: I'm live from the inauguration,

where Governor Walsh's

supporters have all come to see her

be sworn in as President.

Just like a man.

However, with all of DC

in attendance,

there is one notable exception.

Walsh's opponent, Julia Brain,

who has not been seen since the debates.

[TV SHUTS OFF]

BRAIN: I can't watch anymore.

This whole experience has taught me

that if you want something done right,

you must do it yourself.

Go and make me a coffee, Pinky.

Righto, Brain.

Say, do you know what happened to Julia?

[♪♪♪]

I imagine when her mind

control unit caught fire,

it took half of her

cerebral cortex with it,

leaving her no more

intelligent than a field mouse.

How unfortunate. Together,

we really could've been something.

[SNIFFING]

[♪♪♪]

[BEEP, WHIRRING]

[ELECTRONICS CLICKING]

Come, Pinky.

We must prepare for tomorrow night.

Why, Brian, what are

we gonna do tomorrow night?

BRAIN: The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world.

[ZAP]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Planet-eating w*r lords ♪

Legion of Grimlox ♪

Conquest of Earth led by ♪

Dire Commander Starbox ♪

When he finds a planet ♪

Where beings are rife ♪

We descend and consume ♪

All the sentient life ♪

When he sends the signal ♪

We start the invading ♪

Until then, we're waiting ♪

We're waiting, we're waiting! ♪

[♪♪♪]

[TRANQUIL MUSIC]

[GROANING]

[YAWNS]

Good morning.

[GROWL]

At fun spa,

I went to the prize area,

and then I got

a pink dinosaur egg.

[CHUCKLING]

And when I opened it, there was a blue,

one-horned triceratops.

[GRUNTS]

You wanna see outside?

[GASPS]

Mm-hmm!

Smell the fresh, fresh air ♪

[GRUNTS]

The trees outside ♪

There's grass outside ♪

[STRUGGLING]

And also ♪

[PAINED GRUNT]

If you are lucky,

and your parents could afford it ♪

A sand box ♪

You go in your house.

Every tiger

[GRUMBLING]

has black stripes.

[REALIZING GRUNT]

They don't have pink.

They don't have blue.

Only black! Some tigers are

♪

white!

[CHUCKLING]

Some tigers are

[GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪]

[PANTING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

[CINDY BABBLES INDISTINCTLY]

[GRUNTING]

Here's your favorite dress.

[GRUMBLING]

Get in there, please.

[GROANS]

I hope you feel pretty.

Do you want a cookie?

[GRUNTS]

Cookies are sweet ♪

[GRUNTING]

Cookies are so sugary ♪

[GRUMBLES]

I want to tell you something.

[♪♪♪]

I love you.

[GROANS]

I had a dinosaur dream.

I was a dinosaur egg

[♪♪♪]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING, GRUNTS]

[BEEPING]

[SQUAWK]

[GRUNTS]

[GROWLING]

[SCREECH]

[STRAINING, GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪]

[GROANING]

[GRUMBLES]

[GROANS]

Ew Ew

[GASPING]

Ah! [STRAINS]

[SCREECH]

[STARBOX YELLING]

Ah!

[CRUNCH]

[YELLING]

[GASPING, SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[GROANING]

- And then it ran away from the T-Rex,

and it stopped, and then it waddled,

[GROANING]

and rocked me

And then

[ALIEN CHORUS]

We're waiting, we're waiting ♪

We're waiting! ♪

[THEME MUSIC]