04x07 - The Sheik

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

[Applause]

what they're flying in table

[Music]

sorry mom our robot doesn't know her own

strength come on Vicky let's see if we

can fix it honey this is the most

incredible day I have ever had

well remember I told you my company was

trying to land that big robotics

contract for the Middle East country

well not exactly but the ruler of the

country the Sheikh is coming to

personally discuss the contract and you

know what get to the point I'm wearing

out my pucker the point is the Sheikh is

coming here to our house here yeah he

wanted to visit a typical American home

and the company president picked ours

it's sulfur cleaner and the rug

shampooed forget it honey he'll be here

in an hour an hour the tip honey thanks

for being so understanding

well not exactly

[Music]

what's going on Jamie why making hors

d'oeuvres as chic from the Middle East

is coming to visit us I think oh that's

tres chic I hear those camel jockeys are

really rich people their weight in

diamonds

where'd you hear that Vicki lifestyles

of the rich and famous

maybe the sequal be in the mood to weigh

me or should I wait in a few years all

stuff that weighs more you could really

do something that I'd mean a lot to me

anything for you sugar lips what time to

draw on your way out

Oh Ted I am so nervous I mean how do you

entertain royalty I don't know how to

act I'd hate to offend the Sheikh in any

way yeah me too if I blow this I could

end up stirring circuit boards in

Okinawa listen let's just watch him and

do what he does okay that's a good idea

and you do the same thing kids sure mom

sure mom I want you to be very polite

and attentive got it polite and

attentive got it okay that must be him

let's get rid of everybody come on here

yeah okay mr. Lawson

yes

[Music]

welcome to our humble home your highness

yes it is very humble however I am NOT

His Royal Highness I am but his trusted

advisor allow me to introduce His Royal

Highness Falcon a p5 deserts chieftain

of the ten tribes a monarch Abaddon's

sheikh mohammed al sake Ibrahim Ahmed

most exalted ruler of a beedi welcome to

our home your royal highness

hey dudes

is that not the traditional greeting of

Americans I saw on TV no no that's just

fine your Royal Highness uh Falcon of

the five-and-ten

Falcon of the five deserts chieftain of

the ten tribes monarch of the dunes

Sheikh Mohammed all stuck here

Ibrahim Achmed exalted ruler up to Barry

hey dude you may address me as Sheikh I

would like now to introduce my wife wad

your wife my other wife eat me and my

other other wife

Valletta

and of course the twins table and hamsa

[Applause]

you you you have a five wives

it travels light isn't he a little young

to be married but of course these are

merely his wives to be is only thirteen

you see in our country he cannot be

married until he comes of age oh yeah I

thought so

when he is forty I can't even get a date

Oh your Royal Highness I would like to

introduce my family this is my daughter

Vicky my son Jaime and my only wife Joan

how do you do your highness I am pleased

to meet you mrs. Lawson Vicky would you

keep the cold drinks out of the kitchen

and Jamie the hors d'oeuvres please sure

mom well uh why don't we get comfortable

please uh let's sit down

the Sun helps with the serving while the

wife does nothing

Americans have strange customs true but

we must not offend our hosts perhaps if

we just observe them see their customs

and do what they do

splendid suggestion thank you glad I

thought of it now remember just do what

they do and we'll be okay

[Applause]

I should say a mr. Lawson that your eyes

must always be lower than the shakes

when you are sitting Oh certainly you

have done a great honor inviting me into

your home mr. Nasser oh no no no it's a

great honor for us

how long will you be in this country

until our business is a few days and to

see Disney lon

what's going on in here a slumber party

sitting on the furniture oh you prefer

to sit any furniture excellent

suggestion

glad I thought of it a cold drink your

royal highness thank you you're welcome

it's my pleasure to serve you you are a

very polite girl Vicki I'm very polite

and attentive have an hors d'oeuvre what

is this I'm eating oh well they're

little wieners wrapped in a biscuit yeah

aren't they great they're called pigs in

a blanket

mr. Lawson I should explain that pigs in

our country are considered unclean and

we are forbidden to eat of them oh I see

I see

no no no no no your highness they're

they're not no they're not actually made

from pigs that's just a nickname they're

they're all beef and kosher well I would

like to propose a toast to his royal

highness hey camel jockey

Vicky

your royal highness III don't know what

could have gotten into Vikki I apologize

for her remark and so you should His

Highness is not a camel jockey in tavini

no one raises Commerce faster than his

highness it is against the law

well you talk about your home-field

advantage

consider your words a gracious

compliment Vicky thank you camel jockey

and now in appreciation for your having

his Highness in your humble home it is

our custom to present a gift to the

hosts yes and as the firstborn son I

wish to present it to your firstborn son

well that's that's very nice but it's

just not necessary

hey guys a shake he can do what he was

you must accept who refuse would be an

insult so what's the gift

[Applause]

he is your gift I accept

[Music]

royal highness that's very generous of

you but we couldn't possibly accept one

of your future wives says as a gift for

Jaime

get it Jamie mr. Lawson

as I have mentioned to refuse the gift

from His Royal Highness would be an

unspeakable insult well I understand

that but a wife for my 13 year old son

is just out of the question but but

there are twins I have spared the thanks

your highness but we wouldn't want to

break up a matched set in that case I'm

afraid any business dealings with your

company are out of the question

Arabo welcome to the family

well now that that's settled I'm sure

His Royal Highness would like to see the

rest of our home yes

well Jamie while I'm doing a little

business with Mustafa why don't you and

Vicky show the Sheikh around the house

come your highness and we'll show you

around the house we'll start with the

kitchen

I think you've never seen what a

microwave does to a ping-pong ball

excuse me mrs. Lawson we certainly don't

want to offend His Royal Highness but in

our country a boy Jamie's age simply

can't have a wife isn't there anything

that you can do a mrs. Lawson

in our country we have a saying never

pitch a tent when the desert wind blows

sand across a camels foot

that means you got that big problem

shakes I really want to thank you for my

wife

mostly gifts I get any batteries find

that suitable your every wish is her

command for example say you have a small

hunger you desire sweet cake simply clap

your hands and say sweet cake here is

your sweet cake shake I threw in the

milk shake your sister is exceptionally

obedient obedient that's her she'd stand

on her head for you well let me show you

the rest of them look amazing Mustafa

there must be some way of solving our

problem without jeopardizing any

business with my company perhaps you

could explain it to the Shaykh this is

an exceptional case and and then you

could take back his wife and give Jamie

some other small token of his affection

yes perhaps His Highness could give

Jamie an oil will how does that stop

very affectionate

and the bedrooms and stuff for this way

shake one moment

mooska yes American women are quite

different than I have been led to

believe I am now considering taking one

for a wife

splendid your highness don't you agree

mrs. Lawson yes of course well I think

it would be excellent for relations

between your country and ours I'm

pleased did you feel that way

because for my wife I choose Vicky she

is so obedient Oh your Royal Highness

we're very flattered but but that's just

not possible

dad the guy's a sheikh he can do it he

one your highness you don't understand I

understand completely you wish to throw

a multi-million dollar contract for your

company you'll be soldering circuit

boards in Okinawa you would not want to

lose that contract now would you mr.

Lawson no certainly not I will expect

you tomorrow night at my hotel suite at

7:00 at that time I will present my

bride-to-be with a ring of engagement

until tomorrow

but when do I get my wife when his

Highness gets his until to mark

[Music]

[Music]

nice going Ted you married off both of

our kids at one night just relax Joan

there is a way out of this now the

Sheikh is impressed with Vicky because

she's so obedient right right so so so

what if she's not so obedient

but what about my wife forget it we'll

get you that dog I better be one great

dog

[Music]

but where is my bride-to-be she's right

here your royal highness

Vicky how beautiful you look in that

costume I sent you

you are more radiant than the sunrise on

the great Nile pleased to be seated His

Highness has an entertainment for you

[Applause]

[Music]

they are delightful yes they have

trained for this dance since they were

mere baby

[Music]

Oh

she's not only beautiful and obedient

but talented as well

and now Vicky to make our engagement

official I present you with this bubble

[Laughter]

soccer

you call this piece of coke-bottle a

ring I use being better rings around the

bathtub

excuse your outburst this one's Vicki

you may sit next to me and fluff my

pillows love your own pillows turkey

young lady that is no way to speak to

His Royal Highness

who asked you camel breath Vicki if you

are to be my wife you must do as I say

fluff my pillows you clap your hands at

me one more time buster and I'll fluff

your mouth

great I'm starved this is terrible I

cannot take a wife like this I would

lose the respect of my people and be

displaced a Thousand pardons a great

lion of the dunes but if you were to

break your word by ending the engagement

you would also be disgraced

Mustafa maybe there's a way out of this

predicament if we could arrange a simple

exchange of gifts then His Royal

Highness wouldn't be disgraced

like trading Vicky for Jamie's wife

Arabic can we make that Vicky for a wife

to be named later

you would not be insulted by such an

arrangement between such good friends

that is very gracious of you and in the

spirit of friendship the contract with

my country is yours that's great thank

you and now Miss Vicky since the

engagement dissolve perhaps you would

like to return the ring to his Highness

are you crazy

look at the size of this sucker

[Applause]