03x11 - The Fats of Life

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

what a great morning you're certainly in

a good mood

know what I did last night let me make a

wild guess you developed a metabolic

thermostatic servo mechanism that

regulates Vicky's poly nucleotide

processor was I talking in my sleep in

singing in the shower honey this is a

really big breakthrough in robotics do

you realize we're developing a metabolic

thermostatic servo mechanism to regulate

Vicky's poly nucleotide processor means

no it means that I've given Vicky an

appetite like a human from now on

whenever our little robot needs energy

she can eat on her own without having me

to program or to take that's fantastic

but do you really think it'll work I'm

starved I could eat a horse any

questions not anymore

well Vicky I made some pancakes hmm no

sausage no eggs you're lucky it's not a

bowl of rust-oleum eat eat

give you a robot an appetite that's

incredible how about seconds Vicki that

was supposed to be for the entire family

not anymore

did you give her refrigerator parries no

too short

Jing now too dull well you doing Jamie

going over a list of possible dates for

the prom well how about that girl

Jessica you know the one that makes your

eyeballs steamed he k*lled for a date

with Jessica but she has the hots for

Ernie Henderson I just don't think I

have much of a chance with Jessica well

you never know if you don't ask he's

right honey when your father and I first

started dating I had a mad crush on the

captain of the hockey team oh really

sort of Jamie hurry up and finish your

breakfast your father's gonna drop us

off at school wait wait wait wait a

minute wait a minute you you had a crush

on Bigfoot McKenzie funny about that

Lee's shoe size his IQ were the same 14

the guy was so dumb pour me some milk

please Vicki them out not anymore

hello man of my dreams goodbye woman of

my nightmares

I love it when he acts and different if

anybody asks you to the dance Viki

nobody asked me well if you really want

to go use your feminine wiles if I knew

what they were I use them if a boy

mentions the word dance and just sort of

sidle up to him like this and lower your

head like this

and shyly say hi you're you and then

look up at them all out of breath and

say oh wow how'd you like to take me to

the dance

stink-eye that's feminine wiles

sure flattery trickery and pretense that

beats marriage

I got peanut butter and jelly here here

I got my peanut butter and jelly in here

Vicki you gotta do something about your

appetite I am I'm eating a lot

hi Jamie hi Vicki behind you oh this is

my sister minder say hello Jamie Vicki

Wanda I didn't know you had a sister

Warren

well Wanda doesn't make a big impression

sometimes the teachers mark your absent

when she's there how come you've never

introduced her to us before I guess I

didn't know she was there she's awfully

quiet she has a lot to be quiet about

you look very nice today Vicki so does

your lunch

[Music]

you stop that no it's okay ever mean to

go on a date anyway I want to look good

for the prom you've got a date I'm

taking my sister

at first he turned me down but my mom

made her say yes guys don't take the

sisters to the prom yeah well let's face

it who else is gonna go with me to a

dance how would you like to take me to

the dance

what are you doing she can't go with you

to the dance Warren she's expecting the

flu girl Levesque is expecting the flu

one even said she just died from it even

if you could go to the prom

you wouldn't want to go with a nerd like

Warren why not because it it makes me

the laughingstock of the school I'd be

the part of the donkey they'd pin the

tail on the only thing worse it'd be if

I took his sister Wanda

oh hi Jessica you got a minute

sure I bet you've been wondering why I

haven't asked you to the dance yet no

I'm going with Ernie I'm supposed to

meet him here but what's already have

that I don't have a date with me please

tell my head emergency cheerleader

meeting it's a real crisis the new

yellow pom-poms clash with my eyes

Ernie Henderson big deal the eye so

conceited he sends himself Valentine

cards

hey Jamie oh hi Ernie

hey Jessica round house matter of fact

no well if you do Tom looking for Beth

made plans for the dance dance hi your

cue yeah I know

oh wow how would you like to take me to

the dance

big guy a chicken knows what she wants

and goes after it especially when it's

me it's you to UND heavy metal

she is heavy metal Ernie but she can't

go with you to the dance

go sit down Vicki too bad I'd rather

take her than Jessica I hate taking

Jessica anywhere I was fighting over a

mirror rather take Vicki and Jessica

sure I got Vicki in a second if I had

someone to take Jessica off my hands

yeah see how this was you do that for me

me oh well that's a lot to ask of a

friend Ernie yeah forget it but what are

friends for

he'll do it for me I'll force myself you

got a date sugar I got a date sugar

Wow you know what I am the part of the

donkey they pin the tail on

I'll get it hey Jamie oh hi Ernie what

are you doing here

father walk figures school you know

convict this for a date Oh dad this is

Ernie he's the guy who's taking Vicki to

the dance

oh hi Ernie how you doing I'm miss

Lawson you sure got knockout of a

daughter she was--she she lights up the

room yeah under the right circumstances

she can light up the whole city - yes

dear - can't I yeah what's matter

see for yourself

[Laughter]

[Music]

when do we eat I'm starved what happened

she wasn't that fat yesterday oh well

she just gets a little puffy in the

morning Ernie

she gets any puffier she'll need her own

zip code yeah well I think she's having

an allergic reaction to an insect bite

she got yesterday she was stung by a bee

right John all right

a very large bee must have been the size

of a school bus

uh listen Vicki I really came over to

tell you that you are better not k*lling

me for the problem some other time I

already have a date with Jessica what

about me you know what safe well that

was very nice dumping Vicky Prince

Charming isn't very charming is he run

away you can't blame her I mean I

wouldn't want to take Vicky she looks

like a beach ball Jamie be fat doesn't

make Vicky any less worthwhile you like

people for what they are not for what

they look like

got it yeah but there goes my date with

Jessica my life is ruined I'm gonna join

a monastery and grow grapes

[Music]

thank you we can't let you go to school

looking like that hey what's wrong with

her well I don't know honey but listen

I've got an important meeting I can't

miss I'll fix her tonight come on Jamie

there you go

Vikki I set the table for dinner but

don't eat any food understand and just

stand by honey

don't need any food this beds for you

[Laughter]

[Music]

how'd you get so fast I was bitten by a

bee the size of a school bus

bee must have died a horrible death

where's Jamie

he's at school mom said I can't go

looking like this she's right she must

have meant that outfit you're wearing

Turay gauche it says nothing for what's

left of your figure I need my own zip

code one of my mom's blouses will make a

whole dress for you and you can go to

school in style the trick is to dazzle

em with fashion so they don't notice

your fat see I see what my mom did to my

dad he didn't know she was fat till the

honeymoon come with me Vicky

Jamie outrunner she can help me with

this what is it dance steps we've heard

the course it's called cha-cha your way

to popularity for the prom

so what do you need to know do you think

a girl would mind if I take this to the

dance

[Laughter]

I'm saddling them with fashion bling

find in the yard G get to grease the

bathtubs get her in you better stop

teasing Vicky right now you have me to

deal with hey I was threatened by the

Pillsbury Doughboy you punched me in the

stomach and you'll never get your fists

on warrants that was terrific

you must really like Vicky even if she

is fat he won't find out so the

honeymoon

who cares her she's fat it just makes

more of her to like why you're okay

how'd you like to take Vicky to the prom

more than anything but I promised they'd

take my sister Wanda I don't want to

disappoint her she's never been to a

dance but thanks

wait warned you'd be able to take piggy

if one had a real date right poor dude

ask her for a real date

Wanda how'd you like to go with me to

the prom

[Laughter]

[Music]

hi hi you're going to be the handsomest

guy bad dance tonight

yeah thanks Harriet what are you all

dressed up for the dance

you mean you conned some poor nerd ins

are taking you would you like to kiss me

good night now no and I already have a

date Harriet well there's always hope

what if she dies she's healthy as a

horse

what if he decides to become nun she's

Jewish

relax you can't dance I'll let you know

no I'd let you know I'll wait for your

call

[Music]

whoa

Jamie hey really rad threads totally

awesome

dad don't take this wrong but it's

really embarrassing when old people try

to sound young thanks large Annie

could you please talk normal yeah Jay

Maya meant to say you look spiffy well

you know what Jim I'm really proud of

you for what you're doing tonight you

know after you get to know this one you

may find out she's terrific you know

what they say

still water runs deep yeah and they also

say cast your bread in the water and you

get back soggy bread

Jamie your sisters ready for the dance

she's Finnegan the problem was her outer

skin swelled up because her thermostatic

servo mechanism wasn't regulating her

Palio nucleotide processor what does

that mean in plain English she had

enough gas to get to Pittsburgh

[Applause]

[Laughter]

[Music]

hi Warren

you look very nice yeah I do

doesn't your date look pretty yeah real

spiffy I guess that says it all

is it your hair well actually she's

thinner warm I had enough gas to get to

Pittsburgh is she gonna meet us at the

dance Jamie I got some bad news for you

how can I say this diplomatically just

say it she dumped you what he said she

dumped you she decided to go to the

dance with each new spa I don't believe

this it's okay Jamie I got you another

date that's probably her I told her to

meet us here I can't wait to see this

some more soggy bread hey Jamie I was

till he dumped me to go with Vicki so

when he'd done Vicki to go with me

that's a nice guy to dump him there sure

a lot of dumping going on well how did

you decide to go with Jamie well the

news spread around school that Wanda

dumped him so I knew he was available

and he never dumped me ready let's go

yeah let's get out of this dump

I'll have fun kid they come home right

after the dance okay keep an eye on your

sister I will dad Ted aren't they cute I

think this is gonna be a real good

learning experience for our little robot

mm-hmm I forgot that like Vicky did

would you still love me well of course

I'd still love you I'd miss you but I'd

still love

[Applause]