03x10 - TV or Not TV

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

[Applause]

oh no not another commercial turn down

the sound

[Music]

Vicki what are you watching a silent

movie no it's another commercial if they

ever end we'll be watching Flash Gordon

oh I used to love Flash Gordon movies

when I was a kid what's this one about

well it started off with flashing a crew

blasting off into outer space then what

a

commercial well then what happen well

they almost got Tom Mars when an alien

spaceship intercepted them then what a

commercial well then what no don't tell

me another commercial no a station

break then a

commercial well I think it's really nice

of the sponsors to give up some of their

time so parts of the movie can be seen

might as well turn it off

Vicki oh some of those commercials

really bug me they insult your

intelligence the ones that bug me when

they use the overly cutesy kid oh I love

that cereal it's yummy for my

tummy it's the nummy treat that's filled

with zip just one bite makes me

FIP not bad if you lose your two front

teeth you just might have a new career

in

commercials yeah Dad you'd look great in

Pampers

the kids don't even know what they're

selling sometimes what they're pushing

is loaded with sugar and preservatives

pure junk food hey if it's junk food it

can't be all bad Jamie food is supposed

to be healthy for you take those cookies

for instance he did nine of

them I mean do you have any idea what's

in them what's in

them this cookie contains bleached flour

shortening corn syrup sugar salt an

artificial color an artificial flavor

it's an artificial

cookie D how did she do that our little

robot's polynucleotide processor

analyzes everything she eats all this

talk about food is making me hungry

what's for lunch mom well nothing if you

don't go to the market like you promised

and here's the list why don't you take

Vicky to help J okay come on Vicki you

there anything special that you need at

the market nothing in particular we'll

get you some

Pampers thanks but I'm potty

train hi Jamie where are you going to

the market thanks I'd love to go with

you I didn't invite you I'll forgive the

oversight I have to see what kind of

food you like so I can cook for you they

say the road to a m''s heart is through

his stomach and with a stomach like this

it's a long

[Music]

R oh say how's it going kids listen

we're testing a new cereal crunchie pops

and we'd like to get your expert opinion

on how good it tastes how about you

pretty lady you hear that Jamie he

called me pretty

lady sure he's trying to sell you

something step right over here take a

taste and tell me what you think

okay well is this a cereal that you'd

recommend to your friends only if they

were

dogs it tastes like

kibble cute cute now how about you young

man would you like to try some crunchy

are you kidding that stuff's for kids I

eat the breakfast food of

jocks sugar

cleats how about you young lady would

you like to try some I'd like to try

some oh great great well help

[Applause]

yourself all right and uh how do you

feel about crunchie Pops I love this

cereal you do it's so yummy for my tummy

it's the N treat that's f with it just

one by makes me

[Music]

flip hi there remember me oh yeah you're

the guy who's trying to feed us kibble

at the

market are your folks home yeah that's

my dad and he's potty

trained hi uh what can I do for you I'm

Zach Davis how do you do here's my C who

is it honey Zack Davis Tober Mel Lambert

and Swanson advertising what can I do

for you Mr Davis well I hope you don't

mind but I got your address from the

market where you shop I'd like to talk

to you about Vicki may I come in well

sure please do oh

great uh what about Vicki Mr

Davis well I'm not going to beat around

the bush I think she is terrific and I

want to use her for a television

commercial for kie Pops what's keny pops

well it's a breakfast cereal it's very

healthy for kids it's full of fiber are

you serious does Orphan Annie need

eyeballs you see she is fresh and and

natural she she has this wholesome

quality and most important of all she

likes crunchy

pops Jamie why don't you and Vicky give

us some refreshments while we discuss

this with Mr Davis okay mom come on

Vicki Mr Davis we really appreciate your

interest in Vicky but uh she's she's

never done any acting well that's even

better that means she doesn't have the

worst thing that can happen to a child

actor what's that a stage

mother sometimes a stage father too oh

they're real pain in the neck they're

always interfering always giving their

kids a star complex and little Snooks

wants a bigger dressing

room little Snooks wants more lines

little Snooks wants all the other little

snookums

fired I wouldn't touch him with a 10

foot pole well you don't have to worry

about that with us Mr Davis great

because our little snook I mean Vicki

isn't going to be in your commercial

sorry Mr Davis well can't we talk about

it there'd be no point it's a matter of

principle we'd pay you $155,000 still if

it were done Tastefully

I uh Joanie uh can I talk to you uh Mr

Davis will you excuse us for a minute

please

[Music]

Jo Honey that's a lot of money well I

know oh stop I mean it would it might

pay for Jam's college

education never thought about that and

he said it was a good product so uh why

don't we let her do it just this once

huh I guess it couldn't hurt if they do

it like you said Tastefully right

besides I get a lot of time and money

invested in that robot I think it's

about time she brought a couple of bucks

into the

house I'm with you okay uh Mr Davis uh

we've decided to let Vicki do the

commercial oh that's wonderful that's

one it's very smart smart decision all

right look here's the contract it's it's

just standard stuff you go ahead and

read it through and sign it any

questions when do we get the

money it's a good question you'll get it

right after we do the commercial and

we're going to do it at the market where

I discovered Vicki I'll call you later

and give you all the details oh

terrific this is great an unspoiled kid

with unspoiled parents in my business

that's harder to find than lips on a

chicken

Mr Davis go oh we just left we agreed to

let Vicki do that commercial for crunchy

pop

cereal I play for

[Music]

crunchy oh Dam I'm so proud just think

OD little Vicki doing a big television

commercial oh okay everybody it's magic

time Hey listen kid you want to give me

a hand sure what do you want me to do

well stand right over here and hold up

this slate board and when I say Market I

want you to say crunchy pops commercial

Vicky Lawson take one then you slam down

the top part and duck out of the picture

okay okay great now you know what to do

right honey right

honey roll it and Mark it Jamie this is

crunchy pops commercial Vicky Lawson

take one

no all right Vicki say your line and

then open the box action there's no

better way than to start your day with a

big bowl of crunchy pops cut cut hold it

hold it hold it uh what's the matter

with her I need some uh animation some

excitement here she's standing there

like a

robot very close no I mean she's just a

little nervous Mr Davis give me a second

with

her say it like the kids do on

television you know like this there's no

better way to start your day with a big

bowl of crunchie got it got

it uh I think she'll be all right now Mr

Davis oh great okay let's try it again

honey Jamie mark it this is crunchy pops

commercial Vicky lost intake

too pretty good

huh terrific all right Vicky honey

action there's no better way to start

your day with a big ball of crunchy pops

great now open the box

[Applause]

C this is crunchy pops commercial Vicky

lawon take

18 there's no better way than to St your

day with a big bowl of crunchy pops

young young the next time Mommy goes to

the market tell her to bring you home a

big buck

of hi everybody in TV Land I'm Harriet

Vick's adorable

neighbor har what are you doing here I

thought it could be a big help oh and

how did you plan to do that by stying in

your commercial instead of

Vicky har if you really want to help

don't help

help little girl please go away so we

can get on with this okay okay but

you'll regret it someday when I'm a big

star accepting my Oscar and I'm thinking

all the little people who helped me I

won't even mention your

[Laughter]

[Music]

name yum yum the next time Mommy goes to

the market tell her to bring you home a

big box of crunchy pups the cereal that

doesn't snap or crackle it just lays

there quietly so you can watch

TV and cut all right that's the key for

terrific Vicki all right wrap it up and

load the stuff in the van and make sure

to get our parking ticket

validated she is terrific now look

tomorrow morning I'm going to introduce

her to the press as that crunchy pops

girl I'll pick her up around 11 and then

I'll bring you a check C thank you oh Mr

Davis by the way I I couldn't help

noticing but aren't you supposed to have

a list of the ingredients of the cereal

on the side of the Box oh well this is a

mockup box that we use just for the

commercial yeah the real boxes will have

the ingredients on the side ingredients

crunchy pups contains 2% wheat

substitute 177% preservatives and 81%

sugar oh D how did she know that never

mind how she knows with those

ingredients the cereal is poisoned for

kids you said I was healthy lots of

fiber well it does have lots of fiber

only if you eat the

Box Mr Davis I can't let our daughter or

ourselves be associated with a product

that that's harmful to children so how

about you keep the check and you don't

show the commercial okay not okay look

you signed a contract of your own free

will nobody made you do

it I'll uh see you all tomorrow CIA babe

Chia babe

looks like we're stuck

Ted maybe not got an idea how are you

going to stop him from using it Dad well

remember what he said about hating child

actors with star complexes and

interfering stage parents that he

wouldn't go near him with a 10-ft pull

yes wait till he sees us

tomorrow I'll get it

place is everyone he's

[Laughter]

here Jamie y z

baby in the pants

sweetheart going to a costume party kid

hey my little this a big TV star now

that we're part of the Hollywood scene I

got to dress like it and get with

it right all right well look will you

tell your folks that I'm here yo dad big

Z's

here BBY

gasa you too Mr Lawson huh yeah am I Rad

or what huh huh and what's with this Mr

Lawson stuff call me

TL TL is Vicky ready for her press

conference absolute amundo Jamie go get

the little star

Mato Zach baby while we're waiting let's

take a meeting a meeting about what

about Vicki's contract

lover couple of points here I want to

clarify now that I'm her agent you're

her agent yeah I want to discuss a

couple of little things here uh series

spin-off uh movie rights percentage of

the gross Final

Cut that's ridiculous that sure

Biz wait a minute wait a minute you

agreed to let your daughter do the

commercial for 15 grand period nothing

more and here's your

check Zach baby come on relax sit come

on we'll talk you'll give I'll

take look I got to get Vicki to that

press conference press conference for

that you're going to need to talk to

Vicky's public relations or rep public

relations rep her mother Johnny I don't

believe it they've been in Show Business

20

[Applause]

[Music]

minutes you call

[Music]

T H yeah baby

Bubba here wants to talk to you about

the paress

conference oh it's always a ball to see

you Zach

honey but before our little star comes

out let's take a meeting again with a

meeting you realize that our little

darling has to look her best in public

at all times of course yes that's why

she's going to be needing her own

wardrobe lady hairdresser and makeup

person Mrs Lawson you you can call me JL

JL she is just a little girl besides

this is only a press conference for a

Serial it's not a Hollywood Premiere oh

one more thing before you schedule Vicki

into anything you've got to clear it

with me first I've already booked our

little darling into a shopping mall a

parade in the opening of a car

wash presenting that star of TV and

cereal boxes the face all America will

be talking about Victoria

[Applause]

Lawson

VI

darling is the limo ready for the

star I'm asleep and this is a

nightmare before we discuss my

commercial darling let's take a

meeting I've decided to re-sh**t it my

rider has a few changes your

writer that's

me the script needs a total rewrite Zack

love ITA possess sweetheart okay get

this we open on a wide shot of the

cereal ball inside 200 dancing cereal

Flakes I'm getting chills

here suddenly the flakes part look and

out comes a giant

banana the side of the banana open up

and there she is our little star

T how does that grab you

sweetheart okay I've heard enough but

you haven't heard the best part yet we

decided to change the name of the cereal

what Zack baby Zack baby crunchy pops

just doesn't cut it new name of the

cereal Vicky

bits Z honey there's one little thing uh

well Vicky you tell him I want to

direct direct you want to direct great

you can direct me towards the door you

are the worst example of stage parents

I've ever seen in my entire

career and your little star is out of

the commercial I wouldn't touch her with

a 100ft pole here's what I think of your

contract

goodbye job

boobby well Vicky now that everything's

back to normal you can change your

clothes and set the table for lunch all

right don't be silly darling I have to

answer my family man and take a bubble

[Laughter]

bath Ricky your days is a big star or

over got it got

it that's show

is well at least one good thing came out

of this we got 15,000 bucks oh honey we

can't keep that money would be dishonest

your mother's right yeah tear up the

check Ted Yes

dear fingers won't work hurts too much

[Applause]