03x01 - Woodward and Bernstein

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what are you doing I am trying to help

your mother out by making breakfast

don't forget she makes my lunch - Jamie

I only have two hands

make that one hand home Jamie why don't

you eat at the school cafeteria today

all right absent area food

well if you feel that way why don't you

make it yourself all this stuff is right

there

you're right dad was my substitute

teacher in school we should all pitch in

and help out Nicky make me lunch k*ll

energy on the double free on the double

please

[Applause]

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[Laughter]

morning oh thanks for doing this honey

it's you're a big help when I'm working

hey it's no problem

yeah and tonight I'm even gonna make

dinner honey we're gonna have goulash a

lot Ted

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I open clogs your microchips story yet

for the journalism contest day me no but

I'd sure like to win and become a

reporter on the school newspaper well

Jamie you see the trick is is to write a

story that is so interesting and it'll

make people sit up and take notice

oh boy reveal secret of robot sister

yeah I got another headline for you

father reveals secret of microwaving son

I know honey you want some more one lump

or two

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nobody what do I win that journalism

contest I'm gonna be a big man on campus

everybody will know who I am right they

know you're the fool who lost to me

mr. Bryant what can I do for our

illustrious principal

well first you can stop polishing the

Apple then I'd like for you to meet

Christie Ryan she's a new student who

just moved here from Arizona she's gonna

be in your class Oh what have I feeling

right at home in no time I'm sure you

will

that's them by the way remind your

students to get their stories into me by

Friday

if they plan on entering the journalism

contest okay I'll do that

Kristy it's nice having you with us

thank you sir your attention class I'm

sure you already heard what your

principal just said about the journalism

contest so let's keep that in mind okay

and I'd also like you to say hi to your

new classmate Chrissy Ryan well who

would like to join Chrissy where we are

in history book

thank you why don't you show Christie

where we are right there I'm not her

brother I'm just a brother well I didn't

bring my lunch today so you could show

me where the cafeteria is oh sure no

problem

you think you got the doors yeah boy

your nose down the hall

it keeps me thinking how when you start

to feel sick you their assignments for

this week tomorrow we start the chapter

on the Civil w*r

how you doing pretty fine mrs. Lawson I

really appreciate you and Vicky going to

all this trouble to help me no it's no

trouble at all I'm sure it'll be easy

for me to catch up by some speed-read oh

that's wonderful

I can speed-read too

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krisi as long as you're here would you

like to stay for dinner oh I'd like that

thank you

sure why don't you call your mom and see

if it's okay well the phone is right

over there call me dad now skin okay you

do that we're having a special treat

tonight goulash uhlet's hiss

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honey where did you get that apron is it

too busy with the shirt

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need any help

you kidding honey you're talking to

Julia Child with hairy legs Christie can

stay I understand daddy I'll tell mrs.

Lawson

bye I can't stay for dinner Vicky please

tell your mommy daddy wants me to come

home right away okay okay I'm really not

very hungry anyway

my stomach's kind of upset from that

sandwich in the cafeteria

better put saddles on those hamburgers

they've got to be made with horse meat

horse me

funny

hi hey guys how's it going up terrible

neither one of us has a chance to win

the journalism contest at this rate why

not I can't find any good stories yeah

the best I could come up with is Bobbi

her bank guys first pimple

I couldn't even say where well hang in

there guys why don't you guys team up

you know like Woodward and Bernstein

you know I didn't just go after one good

story right well I guess you're too

young to remember but a few years back

there were a couple of reporters that

uncovered this big scandal in Washington

and that Watergate in President Nixon

you're kidding nor Nexen the basketball

player was president no Reggie you know

she means the other Nixon but he

dribbled just as much

the story from a secret source who gave

them all the information they never said

what was Jamie a good reporter always

protects his sources identity they just

gave them a secret code name deep throat

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okay but I'm not sure I'm right for

Bernstein hey you want to stay for

dinner sure thanks great I'm cooking it

I just remember my mom needs me well you

really know how to kick a guy in a shins

don't you read yeah

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Reggie my dad's cooking can't be any

worse than the food in the cafeteria

yeah is there horse meat in the

cafeteria huh

they serve horse meat in the cafeteria

they should put saddles on those

hamburgers Bernstein

yeah but how we know it's true and Vicky

says is true is true she never lies

she can't lie she's not built that way

boy when we turn our paper in to the

principal tomorrow he's gonna pick us on

the back and say way to go guys well

woof he asked us where we got

information well just tell them we got

it from our secret source deep tonsils

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there's Lawson I'd like to talk to your

class for a moment if I may have a word

with you

[Laughter]

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they're all yours mr. brilliance thank

you

I just read this entry into the

journalism contest that was written by

Jamie Woodward Lawson and Reggie

Bernstein Williams and according to your

report gentlemen you say that horse meat

is being served in a school cafeteria

that's a very serious accusation now I

want to know where you got your

information

all I can say is it My partner and I got

our information from deep tonsils

yes sir you see a good reporter never

reveals the name of this source right

Bernstein right Woodward alrighty well

let me put it to you this way if you

don't tell me who gave you that story

the both of you will be washing dishes

in the cafeteria for a month just payin

hands why would you say such a thing I

said such a thing because Chrissy said

such a thing to me so Chrissy why did

you say a thing like that

this is Lawson it was just a joke you

know without any proof whatsoever

without checking your facts you go ahead

and write a story that could have been

harmful and embarrassing to the people

that work in our cafeteria

there's loss but I will leave it to you

to decide on a suitable punishment for

this kind of irresponsibility I'll do

that I think I know just the thing

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well now since you two are such big fans

Woodward and Bernstein I'll assign you

to read a book that they vote

it's called all the President's Men and

I want you to do a report on it over the

weekend it shouldn't take you too long I

think it's only 900 pages way to go guys

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well mr. thoughtful just thought he'd do

the laundry huh doesn't look great I

even threw in one of Vicki's sweaters

hey you don't have to thank me

I won't before you shrank it that was my

sweater

it was white

sorry

cuz I better wait till she cools off

before I tell her about her pants

oh hi you guys hey I'm a little

surprised to you your mother told me

about the horse meat scandal oh you're

the one who told us to be Woodward and

Bernstein and date through

I feel terrible about getting Jaime in

trouble at school today I just came by

to apologize is he here

he will be soon I'm fixing him a snack

milk any peanut butter and sardine

sandwich

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what's the matter Vicky this is your

picture on the milk carton what this is

your picture on the milk carton you're a

missing child

no not am I here you may be right here

but you're missing know that is me

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we really goofed

instead of being heroes at school or a

couple of Dean dogs yeah the only way we

can get our self-respect back is to come

up with a really big story that we can

prove is true yeah but where we gonna

get it that thing with Christa today

made us look like we couldn't find a

good store if it was right under our

nose Chris they just came to apologize

but he left him at home why didn't she

wait she saw her picture on that milk

carton huh is a missing child Wow venez

Chrissy let's go and we know it's true

cuz we got the proof right here in the

milk right man you know this is gonna

make us a couple of ding-dongs

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where is that guy

great there he is

you got your wings your legs your thighs

your breasts if there weren't a couple

of lips

thanks a lot here Vicki take the chicken

out put it on a platter

and probably wondering why I'm

whispering you want to watch the signal

cook the chicken all the guys do dad

Rob the rocks oh listen listen help me

get rid of the evidence

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20 bucks oh by the way the apron it's

too busy with the shirts

dinner ready Julia it's a chicken ala

Ted why are you whispering he wants the

right thing to build chicken

I wouldn't have known I'm gonna take out

chicken is so tasteless and soggy and

greasy your cooking isn't that good

resinize down the story that's gonna

witness that journalism contest

well great what's the story it's all

about Christie Dino girl in class

Rafael no she's a missing child a

missing child's right I think I smell

horse me Carlos Ramirez age three and a

half

oh yeah well I uh I guess I gave that to

the chicken man with the rest of the

evidence sorry Jane this is dreadful of

genies right yeah we better check this

out honey listen you guys write that

story and give it to the principal so

he'll be aware of the problem okay well

he's gotta believe the story this big

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mr. Brij I left it on his guest I hope

he believes is this time if it doesn't

are we gonna prove it to him without the

milk carton hey Brendon me Brizzy

herself hey I thought that too

oh yes and why didn't you say so oh I

want to give you a chance to look smart

for a change

where's Christie I don't worry about it

the Bell isn't even rung yet

now we can worry I'd like to see Reggie

and Jamie if I chapter six please now

once again gentlemen you've written a

very serious story here I hope you have

some proof Mr Bryan I know what that

stories about and my husband and I

believe the voice of time well I can

understand that but I still need some

proof before I can accept it excuse me

what are you doing here well I uh I

thought the boys might need me I I have

some important information about their

story

I called that telephone number listed on

the milk carton and they informed me

that Chrissie Ryan was abducted by her

father after a child custody battle and

apparently her mother has been going out

of her mind to try to find her so I

notified the police and I also went to

almost every market in town to try to

find out this way to go mr. Lawson

you've got it here hey dad's got it all

over

I'm worried Chrissie wasn't in class

this morning well I'm not surprised

honey the police went to her house and

found it vacant so apparently your

father is panicked and they're on the

move again

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oh that's beautiful honey come on guys

tira

my fella you two did win the journalism

contest with your story yeah I know I

feel so bad about Chrissy yeah me too

now you guys are gonna feel a lot better

when you bury your face in a big piece

of that cake okay and I doubt it hello

this is Ted Lawson yes that's great news

thank you very much for calling terrific

news everyone

the police found Chrissy and her father

and she's going to be reunited with mom

well that's wonderful you feel better

guys yeah no I feel like burying my

faith in a pea thinking you got it

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