01x07 - Robinson Cruise h* / Heathcliff & the Sleeping Beauty

[bunniefuu]

Who's the sassiest, frassiest, classiest

cat?Pink

Cliff. Who's got charm?

Who's got warmth?Who's got style?You can

bet he'll never get caught in the dog

catcher's net.

Pink Cliff. Who's light on his feet?A

whiz of disguise?Who'll steal a mackerel

right under your eye?Heathcliff!

Here come his friends, a trio of creeps.

Dingbat. The vampire dog.

Starewith, the skeleton. And that

jack-o'-lantern of all trades, nobody.

It's the Heathcliff and Dingbat Show.

Transylvania Haunted House of Beauty. You

say your daughter needs her hair styled?

Yeah, we can squeeze her in. How will we

recognize her?A big hat with fruit on it.

Got it. The lady is sending her daughter

over right away for a full beauty creep.

Oh boy, our first

customer.

Okay, you creeps. Any second now, the

lady's daughter will come through that

door.

Hmm, nobody here. I guess I'll go to the

beauty parlor down the street.

That's the lady's daughter. Looks more

like a gorilla than a girl.

Stop chattering. Show the customer in.

Certainly. Right this way, Mademoiselle.

Spare rib, that's no way to treat a

customer. Put her down.

Okey-dokey. You bumbling

blummocks. Thinkbat, this little girl

sounds just like nobody.

Stop the monkey business and start

beautifying. Hmm

What you need is a hairdo that will

bring out the real you. Spare

Rip, show the little girl the specialties

of the house. Certainly. We have the

crypt cut.

What she needs is the pitiful

pompadour.

No, no, no I know

just the thing. The Bride of Frankenstein

frizz.

You don't like it?I know, it must be the

wrong color.

If we don't make this girl beautiful, you

two freaks are going to ruin my

reputation. First, a quick shamboo.

Blah, blah, blah!We've got

some for hair that's oily, abnormal, or

scaly. Which would you prefer?

Snake oil shampoo. I use it by hand.

That's not her style. No problem.

Yikes!

You two chowder heads! I'll...

I'll.. Time to curl your hair!

Right you are!

A bond without a blown is like Halloween

without candy! Blah, blah, blah, blah!

You'll be born dry in a jiffy!

Get over here, you mud-heads!

How are we gonna make our skin beautiful?

This volcano mud-pack maker isn't working!

Maybe it's extinct. A drop

of hot sauce should do the trick. You

didn't use enough sauce.

Now that's more like it.

Is this the way it's supposed to work?

No, it's supposed to work on Earth.

Get over there and slap on the mud pack.

By the time we get through, she'll be the

most gorgeous ghoul on the block.

And now, to complete the facial. Ghoul

creep, mascara,

ogre oil, wrinkle vanishing

creep,

King Ba--

Nobody's there.

UmmListen, little girl, you

may bleed big for your age, but you

don't scare me!

Excuse me! I think I hear my mother

calling from Tamsulomania!

Wait for me, you bean braids!

Go shut them, you nincomp creeps! Okey

dokey!

Oh, dear. Your mother's here to pick you

up.

What did they do to you?We gave

her our whole blookie

creepman. Yeah!You'll

never recognize her!

Another satisfied customer!

We now return with the Heathcliff and

Ding-Bat Show!

It was 20 years ago today when I was

first shipwrecked on this lonely,

deserted island. Frankly, I'm

bored. According to this story, I should

have had some help around here a long

time ago, says Rod Shear in the book.

Caruso meets Friday. You

just can't believe anything you're

reading anymore. I've got to do all the

cooking, laundry, repairs and

everything else all by myself. I

used to have a whole crowd of servants to

handle that stuff. What's that?

Maybe my lonely days are over at

last. I may as well catch a few rays

while we're waiting for the safe to

build. What a weird

looking stranger. Maybe I've been away

too

long. He looks like a plain old alley

cat, but I'm in no position to be

nitpicking. All right, chap,

get to work. I beg your pardon.

Robbie Caruso's the name. This is my

island sea, and you are my new

full-time servant. I am calling you

Friday. Friday?Yeah, you better call me

Sunday. I'm busy Friday. And besides, I

happen to be a dedicated beach bum, and

weight just isn't part of my game plan.

Ohh This guy has a very assertive

personality. All you got to remember

is that I'm the master and you are the

sl*ve. That isn't exactlyhow I had

planned to spend my day. Hey,

some beach hush you got. Lots of rustic

charm. What's a guy like you doing in a

nice place like this?Never mind, sl*ve.

Just fetch me some dinner. I haven't been

waited on in 20 years. Small wonder

with that attitude. Okay, Robbie my boy.

A three-course, five-star seafood dinner

coming up. I like my seafood

rare. You got it. Fresh from the

sea. It better beRare!

I'd say that was rare, wouldn't you?Oh,

excuse me, I'm needed in the kitchen.

This cat has a distorted image of a

proper sl*ve-master relationship.

And now, for the exciting and delectable

second course. The chef's own

sensational creation, Electric Eel a la

Live. Fantastic. I

hate breaking in new sl*ves.

Sorry, the eel must have shorted out.

Have some freshly flown in Maine lobster.

And now for my crowning culinary

achievement. Shark a la

Heathcliff. Enjoy your meal.

I'd better have a little talk with that

sl*ve. Listen, Cap. When I blow

my top, the whole island trembles

with fear. He

doesn't respond well to threats. I just

got to quit being suck. Surf's up.

It's boogie board time. Hold on,

sl*ve. I'm going to give you one last

chance before I throw you to the

barracudas. How kind. So

get them coconuts harvested. And you'll

be around to see another day. You're

much too generous. Later!

You're only making it hard on yourself,

'cause you'll just have to work a lot of

overtime. Sorry, but what

interferes with fun?I'm coming after

you. It shows you can't find good

help anywhere these days. Hey, Robbie,

watch out. There's a giant k*ller wave

coming. K-k-k-k-k*ller wave.

Yike!

Hey, nice ride. He's got the old

soy fever.

Good thing we're alone. This could be

very humiliating. Oh, that surf is a bit

rough for me. I'm going inside and fix

myself a coconut milkshake. I got a

coconut for you. Maybe even a coconut

cake. Hey, sl*ve. You forgot

one! Ohh This place isn't exactly built

to code. So who cares?It's time for me to

move on down the road anyway.

This time, sl*ve, you get the

maximum penalty. You gonna give me the

chair?Better than that. I'm gonna

give you to the barracudas.

My, they sure look hungry. It won't be

for very long.

I'll hold you out as soon as you're ready

to go back to work.

You know, that little Friday fella is

one heavy-duty gift down pussycat. Well,

Robbie old boy, it's been a real ball

jiving with you, but I gotta travel on.

Travel on?

Where to?To the next big wave.

Maybe Sunset Beach?The bonsai pipeline?

I just follow the sun. Aloha,

shalom, goodbye, and holla the

TRTRTRT!

He ain't going nowhere. I've been waiting



deserted island. Come

on, Granny, let's get back to the cruise

ship. Hey, we're sitting at the Captain's

table tonight.

g*y, wait. Help. Did you hear me?

Say help. I'll be your sl*ve for

life. Help. Help

Hold it, Dingbat. It's your turn to put

your foot in the door. I believe it's

your turn. All right, you creeps,

we'll flip a coin.

Heads or tails?Heads.

Tails.

It's heads. I win.

Are you sure that isn't a two-headed coin?

I don't think so.

Ohh Knock on

that door before I knock on your head.

Oh, Demi, ma'am, we are door-to-door

sales creeps. Could we interest you in

a handy-dandy gadget?I don't need

any gadgets. What I need is some help

around the house. I think we may have the

answer to your housekeeping problems.

Spare Rib, bring in the

Frankenbot.

What we have here is the very latest in

Transylvania technology. Dingbat.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

That thing is going to clean my house?

Certainly!

Go straight to the kitchen.

Get in that kitchen, you buzzard brain,

and show the lady what he can do. Sure

thing, boss.

Tell this pile of tin. I want it to wash

the floor, take out the garbage, and mow

the lawn. Got it.

Wash the lawn. Mow the

garbage. Take out the

floors. See. Yikes.

Take out the floor.

Get this floor back in the kitchen before

we lose the sale.

And get me out of here!

Okie dokie!

Ohh

Oh no!

Hey, where's Nobody?

Oh, poor No-bloody. All that's left of

him is pumpkin seed.

No, don't worry about Dingbat. He'll be

as good as new.

Dingbat, you batty bungler. Yep,

same old Nobody. Look at what your robot

is doing to my lawn. Wash the lawn.

He's bleaching it wide! Spare it!

Stop that turkey!

I'll take it. You will?

Yes, I have the perfect job for

him. Crunch the creeps, crunch

the creeps.

I think we've created a

monster!

We now continue with the Heathcliff and

Dingbat Show.

I don't mind picking up sprayed dogs and

how to catch. But moving a big mountain

lion to the zoo makes me real

jittery.

Well, tonight's the night. I've had

Saturday night fever all week long. Such

a devastating profile ought to be

registered as a deadly leopard.

Is this the face that broke 1000 hearts?

Not to mention a few mirrors. I'm sorry,

fella. Visiting hours are over.

Oh, I guess bad breath is better than no

breath at all. Sorry, but I have a hot

date with a cool lady, and punctuality

is among my many endearing charms.

I can't resist these penthouse pussycats.

The best fruit is always furthest from

the ground.

My little Sonya is waiting in breathless

anticipation. You

may relax, Sonya, my love. Your king of

cool is here at last. Oh, hello,

Heathcliff. Who's your

friend?Friend?

You're so thoughtful, Heathcliff,

bringing along a lonesome friend.

And he is kind of cute.

He could have such interesting friends.

You know, I've always looked up

to tall men. Listen, fella, you're

not fooling with your everyday average...

I'm going to have to inform this stranger

who's calling the shots around here.

Who is this guy anyway?I've always loved

the strong, silent guy.

It's hard to believe that this guy is

actually trying to move in on my girl.

He's got to be from out of town. You

must pump a lot of iron.

Oh, how cute! I just love

gymnastics. I am so

impressed.

I gotta hustle all the time to maintain

my number one rating.

Don't despair on you, my pet. Be with you

shortly.

Just taking care of a little business.

Now you two try to get along. After

all, a good friend is hard to

find. Friends?I don't even

know this guy. I'm famished. Let's

eat. I'm keeping my eye on you.

Here you are, my little darlings.

That's it. The dire is cast.

Now he's control your temper.

I can't bear the sight of

violence. Then you better cover your

eyes. This could get ugly because me and

this cat are going to renegotiate our

relationship. Someone is going to

get hurt. I'm just going to send him a

little signal.

Can't this be settled peacefully?

It'll be peaceful in a minute. Soon as I

finish him off. It is not

necessary to constantly emphasize your

masculinity. Fighting is

so uncivilized.

Hey, you know, this guy is no pushover.

Do you always have to be Mr. Number

One?Somebody has to. It's the

way of the world. It's mayhem that gives

cartoons a bad name. Any

last words?

Hey, let go of that mountain lion!

M-m-mountain lion?

Nobody said nothing to me about no

mountain lion.

Oh, Heathcliff, you're so brave.

You saved me from that wild mountain

lion.

Heathcliff.