01x01 - Feline Fugitive / Doggone Dogcatcher

[bunniefuu]

Who's the sassiest, frassiest, classiest

cat?

Heatcliff! Who's

got charm?Who's got warmth?Who's got

style?You can bet he'll never get caught

in the dog catcher's net. Heatcliff!

Who's light on his feet?A wizard disguise?

Who'll steal a mackerel right under your

eyes?Heathcliff! Here

come his friends, a trio of creeps.

Dingbat. Ohh The vampire dog. The

stereo, the skeleton. And that

jack-o'-lantern of all trades, nobody!

It's the Heathcliff and Dingbat Show!

You creeps got to get in shape for our

jobs as health spa attendants. We're

already in shape. Watch this.

Hey, take a look at these

bliceps.

Knock it off and try lifting that

barbell. This itsy blitzy blarbell?

It's a fin.

Hey, that's pretty impressive. Oh, no

big thing.

Don't think can

hold much

longer...

than why

try. Drive us to the health spa.

Mr. Bruno couldn't have hired better

attendants while he's on vacation.

Hey, this place is empty. With this

kind of equipment, who'd want to come

here?Blah, blah. Right.

When we get through remodeling the place,

Mr. Bruno's business will boom. All

right, creeps, go get the stuff.

There. Almost finished. Not

bad. This is how a steam room should

look. Hey, what's that?

It's either an earthquake or a customer.

Service?Service!

If that's a customer, I'd rather have an

earthquake.

Ah, there you are. You've got to

help me. I'm desperate to lose weight.

Don't worry, lady. You've come to the

right place. The steam bath is

just the place for you. I'm finished,

lady. It's all yours.

A skeleton?I want to lose weight, but

not that much. You scared off our first

customer. Dingbat, bring her back.

We got a weigher to find out how much

she's got to lose. Change into a scale,

Bonebrain.

Put me down. I don't want to look at him.

Don't worry. He just works here.

Put her on the scales so we can check her

weight, Dingbat.

How much does she weigh?Way

too much. It's no use.

If I even look at food, I gain weight.

Yummy. Boys and Larry,

Banana and Black Lagoon.

See

what you did, you knucklehead?She gained



We'll help you lose weight.

Start the heat, creep. It'll take a lot

of steam to get her down to size.

Pour on the steam. What did you say?

Nobody, nobody! Are you all right?

I'm all right, but you're not gonna be.

Look out! The coffin's going to blur!

Son of a ghoul, we did

it! Yes, to celebrate, let's all

have your colored creep. Pie.

Chocolate creep pie. Oh no,

you you creeps. I

told you never to show me food. I

think I made a blue blue.

That's it. I've had it. I'm

getting out of here. Wait,

we guarantee results to the swimming

pool. Come on,

swim faster. You won't lose any weight at

that pace. Hey, I know how to

make her swim faster.

Say, did you feed that shark this morning?

I forgot. Then get him out of

there. We want to lose weight, not the

whole customer.

Now he's had his lunch.

This is your last chance. Are you

sure this will work?Of course.

It's the do or diet. An

old Transylvanian potion that's never

failed before. We've never tried it

before either. Low cow

cobwebs, diet creep soda,

and some ghoul aid.

It's ready.

This better work.

Why?WhyIt's working. I can

feel the pounds melting away. You. He

creeps. Look

at me. You

lost weight, didn't you?Now

you're gonna lose weight!

Oh, brother, this health business

can sure be glad for your health!

We now return with The Heathcliff and

Ding-Bat Show. Come back

here, you felonious feline!

Why don't you give up, you puppy pursuer?

You ain't never gonna catch me. Yeah,

we'll see about that.

Watch out for... that steel

door. I

warned you. You should have took my

advice. If I need advice,

I'll write to Dear Abby.

Oh, that guy has more bad luck.

He knew brakes of these things. Yeah,

I'll get

k*lled. That'll end all my troubles.

Now, there's a man with a strong sense of

logic.

Look out! I'm on a roll!

Oh, I can't bear the sight of violence.

ohh Isn't this

when my whole life should flash before my

eyes?Have no fear, Rescue Cat

Heatcliff is here. Gotcha!

Well, it's the thought that counts.

Sorry about that, pal, but give me E for

effort, right?

I'll give you L for lousy.

And furthermore, if you don't hurry up

and catch that Heathcliff, I'll have you

transferred to the Gobi Desert and you

can catch lizards. Yes, sir. Yes,

sir. But I'm allergic to lizards.

Ah, yee, yow,

yow.

Uh, so congratulations. Here's

your Brock belt and you now expert

karate guy and one all around

bad dude.

Congratulations, Chip. You are

now a next big boxer. Like

me.

Congratulations, sir. You are now an

expert at waging w*r.

Congratulations, Chump. Yous is now

an expert, Diny Street Fighter. Now

bring on that flea-flicking

feline. I'm ready.

Uh,

fillet of soul a la alley trash

can. Yummy,

yummy.

Speak of the devil. Say your

prayers, you feline flea trap. I'm

a K-rotty expert, and I'm gonna

K-rotty you into cat burger.

Oh,

this guy is a total crack up.

With a little fishy here and a little

fishy there. Here a fishy, there a fishy.

Old dog catcher gonna catch a cat.

E-I-E-I-O. This time

he won't get away. Well, fill my trunk

with peanuts and call me Jumbo. All these

tasty tidbits lying in my pad. Mmm.

Tastes great, but sounds fishy.

Ah, here comes a little fish

slurper now. This will be the

highlight of my career.

Gotcha. Oh oh, wrong Kitty.

Ouch. Nice Kitty. Nice Kitty. Ouch.

Well, he said he was waiting for a Kitty

and I didn't want to disappoint him. Nice

Kitty.

You don't see that every day. A

cat chasing a cat chaser.

Safe at last.

What's that?

I cut a rat of intimidating figure

hello chief you know that gobry desert

job you talked about well I'll take

the job

This may not be the best job in the

world, but at least I'm thousands of

miles away from that rowdy Heathcliff.

Now, let's see. You're number



Surprise. Oh,

no. Go away. Say you're not real. Say

you're a mirage or a figurement of my

imagination. Hey, what you got in here,

sport?Oh, no. Don't open

that.

It took me six months to catch all those

lizards. Oh! We're liking our

hands on you, you lizard loser!

Ah, just like old times. Come

back here, you...

This is Rishan calling home planet

Plexus. Have reached Earth's solar

system. Will obtain Earth creatures

for examination. Okay, Dingbat,

give a hand signal for a left turn.

Right, Bluff. I told you to turn

left.

Now look where we are. Hey, where

where are we?I am

Rishan, and you are on my spacecraft

to participate in, uh, uh, uh,

certain examinations. What do

we win if we pass?You

win a trip to my planet, Plexus. Oh,

boy, a trip! Sun's out of this

world!

First, we have the zaponic X-ray

test. What's that for?

This. I'm just going to take your

picture so I can see what you're made of.

Pictures. Oh, blind. Hold

on. Why don't we make it a broom shot?

You exasperating earthling. Look

what you've done to me. Now we all

look alike, and you've never looked

better. Get us back to

normal, bonehead. Don't worry, I'll.

Fix everything.

Hey, you big bag of ba*ls. I

don't think that's right.

These creepy earthlings are more

dangerous than they look.

We're all ready for our next test, Sir.

The analyzer will tell me your chemical

makeup and vital statistics.

Every bloody knows what nobody's made-up

of. Great

snakes. And snails.

And dragon's tails. That's funny.

I know there was a dragon's tail in here

somewhere. Keep your bony hands to

yourself or you'll mess up the test. Here

it is.

My computer, it's

ruined. Get me down, you bone brain,

and fix that thing. Don't worry, we'll

get it working with our computer repair

hand. That's it. Now two bluttons

to the left and a few more bluttons to

the right. I think that should do it.

Goat as new.

You

bonehead, you're ruining our chances to

go on a trip. I've got to get rid of

those creeps before they destroy my ship

and me. There he is. Let's

go get him. Come back. We haven't passed

the exams yet. Oh, this

testing is making me hungry.

Oh, boy! Lunch!

Don't touch that! That

says lunch! Oh,

the ejection button. At last I will be

free again.

Hey, let us in. We haven't finished the

test yet. If I let you take

another test, I'll be finished.

I feel injected. Don't feel

blabberry. Nobody could have passed

those tests. Yeah, well, I could have,

if you creeps hadn't messed it up.

We now continue with the Heathcliff and

Dingbat Show.

These cans are falling nothing but trash.

What's this world coming to?Doesn't

anyone eat fish anymore?I got

to have my daily protein or I break out

in a kiddie rash. Heathcliff's been

running this neighborhood long enough.

I'm taking over. There's going to be some

changes made around here, all in my

favor. The SPCA is going to hear about

this.

Ah, the fragrant aroma of anchovies.

A little anchovy never hurt anyone.

Until now. My favorite

seafood delicacy. It's all over for

you, Cat. Kish yourself goodbye.

Oh, yeah?Put a lid on it, Spike.

Totally you.

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

Now, who would be dumb enough to

burglarize a place in broad daylight?

Heathcliff. You don't miss much,

do you?Here, have some tuna.

Burglary and bribery. Whoops.

Boy, when those cops catch up with

Heathcliff, he'll be thrown so far back

into jail, they'll need radar to find it.

And I will be king of the neighborhood.

Is there something you guys wanted to

talk to me about?You were observed

robbing the fish market. But I've been

home all day. My horoscope said it would

be dangerous to go out. Yeah, well, I'm a

Scorpio. We don't believe in astrology.

But look, I got innocence written all

over me. That's a likely story.

Besides, I'm a sweet and

loving house pet.

Yeah, you and the till of the Han. Then

think of my poor sweet wife. I know you

don't have a family, and if you did, we'd

be doing them a big favor. Lock him up

and lose a king. I don't get it. I would

have believed me, wouldn't you?

That nerd Spike is behind this. He's

trying to take over my turf. I'll tear

him up into confetti when I get out.

Boy, they sure don't make the jails like

they used to. Boy, do

I have a bone to pick with you. Forget

it, Jailboy. You're washed up. This is

my turf now. You mangy mutt. Now

don't make me get tough. Oh, you think

you're tough?I'll show you tough.

Really?Right.

Now this is tough.

Mere puppy play. I'll show you tough.

I ain't confessing to nothing, cat.

Maybe I better hide out till I figure a

way to wipe out that cat.

You know, they got a pretty nice view

from up here. Oh, no!

I can't stand watching myself get hurt.

Hey, Spike, nice of you to drop in on me.

Oh, that really burned him up.

Here, Spike. This'll cool you off.

Better. I got to quit being

so mild-mannered, Smarty cat.

Really?

I don't know what that dog is up to, but

I know it's going to hurt him more than

me.

Hmm,

Junk Crusher control. I wonder how a Junk

Crusher works.

Oh, so that's how it works. How

convenient.

Hey, what's this?

How are you, Spike?You ready to fess up

to the cops?Or would you like

to run through this whole bit again?

Again?No

way, but I'll show you.

I know one place where I'll be saved from

you.

He totally flipped out. His little mind,

such as it is, finally snapped. Now the

cops will never buy my story. He'll harm

me forever. Oh, I may as well tie myself

in. Sorry,

fella. Heathcliff the cat burglar is back

behind bars where I put him. See?

You gotta be kidding. Oh, yeah?

I told you I'd be safe from you. You see,

you smiley cat.

In fact, I'll be safe from you for the

next 20 years.

That's what he thinks. Wait till he

meets my cousin, the jailer, who's twice

as tough as me.