02x07 - Comedy of Errors

[bunniefuu]

[Laughter]

yes my masterpiece

is like fireballs dipped in lava teeth

like broken serving planters

dr pimento he's breaking loose from his

chain

[Applause]

fluffy cats and candy canes think of

sunshine when it rains

soothing thoughts can easier paint

fluffy cats and candy canes

what are you doing under there nothing

looking for dust yeah right

you were scared of that silly show dr

pimento

scare fast okay so i was scared

and what was a dumb song i sing it when

i'm scared to calm myself down

okay just promise you won't tell anyone

please

why not it's funny because she asked you

not to jason

when a friend asks you not to tell

something that's embarrassing

you shouldn't tell unless of course the

secret might hurt your friend or someone

else

i don't see the big deal it's

embarrassing

that's the big deal mr sensitive oh we

all have embarrassing little secrets

even me

okay little pumpkins i still don't see

what the big deal is

[Applause]

[Music]

come on cadets big doings another planet

to save

nope you can't save the universe every

day there's a great new comedy act at

the comet lounge

[Music]

[Music]

bonsai

let's sing a little song with eight

little words but a rocket ship

and flightless birds

[Music]

vigil

[Music]

kevin

three two

[Music]

one

not much longer now can't wait to see

that new routine

ventrilomatic and rusty reprogrammed hey

speaking of funny you should have seen

how scared michelle got watching some

dumb tv show jason come on

and you know what she does when she's

scared run

that's what i do i mean that's what i

never do jason please don't tell

remember what grandmom said tell us

michelle

yes it might be instructive

you make fun of me no we won't michelle

we're all friends

come on what do you do when you get

scared well i guess i can tell

you guys just promise not to laugh

okay i sing a little song

i love songs sing it for the michelle

yes let's hear it cadet a one and a two

and no

no i can't oh yeah let's hear it now

well all right i guess

but it's really silly if you tell anyone

i'll hide in a hole the rest of my

life hmm i wouldn't recommend a hole a

closet would be much cleaner

fluffy cats and candy canes think of

sunshine when it rains

soothing thoughts can ease your pains

fluffy cats and candy canes

[Music]

i thought i could make people laugh now

be kind

jason after all that was very

sweet yeah he is hilarious

don't listen to him michelle it was cute

your secret is safe

yeah that's really embarrassing

i liked it

[Music]

hey you okay kiddo yeah i'm fine

just wish i hadn't shared that song hey

i get a little shook up after some of

these missions you want to know how i

relax

hey that's that's very lightweight

the so-called king of easy listening

vigil

you gotta be kidding me every now and

then i need to listen to something

soothing

it's a bit soft i admit but we're all

friends here

our secrets are safe with each other

just don't tell me anymore

my image of you is forever scarred tell

you what

in the same tender spirit of love and

confession

i would like to introduce all of you to

a very secret acquaintance of mine

my imaginary friend mr waddlebottom

all right okay i'm leaving now

oh you little scamp what do you get when

you cross an

x24 demodulator with a 16 amp hair

reticulation cable

i don't know but there's one sitting on

the shoulder

please i've seen better jokes on gum

rappers

this guy kills me

you think you could do better you should

see me in my classroom

well when my teacher's out

you really like that stuff huh

fishy marshmallows hideous how could you

eat those

i'm a penguin

[Music]

answer me this how many how many

two once you eat the peanut butter and

the other to hold the cabbage

uh just hold on folks we seem to be

having a few

uh technical difficulties oh no

poor soul looks like his comedian broke

hey jason this might be your chance

what sure show us what you're made of

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

um hi folks how are you doing tonight

good

good i hope you're enjoying that salad

bar

so many crouton choices

um okay so there's this horse who had to

go to a vr cage

see and no no wait a minute

sorry it's it's a lobster that's right

a lobster there's this lobster who has

to go to an arcade and

no wait a minute that's not right

say he's not half bad

the setting guy says what you want me to

lick the butter knife get it

lick the oh no no wait a minute

it was the first guy he says

butter knife well guys it was a noble

effort

that went really bad didn't it he's like

a black hole for comedy

okay that was fun a little rough at the

start

and at the end and the middle well okay

i guess i appeal more to a third grade

audience

ah don't listen to them i thought you

were great

now i do appreciate you trying to help

it was very thoughtful

but right now i need to think about

fixing my robot before tonight

yeah sure sure but but why not give me

just

one more chance what

[Music]

you got to be kidding me sure look i

know i can have him rolling in the

aisles just like in my third grade class

come on the kid's a natural jason oh

please don't

please oh please oh please please oh

please

jason really i

all right but only if i can't find a

repairman for ventrilomatic yahoo

thank you sean you will not regret this

just help the boy come up with some

jokes okay and by jokes i do mean funny

okay how many light bulbs does it take

to change a light bulb

i don't know how many that wasn't a joke

i uh

[Music]

[Applause]

what's this no cards we're all going to

brainstorm and help jason have the

best jokes for tonight's show but why

should we do all the work

because he's in a tight spot and we

should help him out

after all friends are kind to each other

right

though all right what sort of jokes are

we looking for

light bulb jokes i've always been

partial to the knock knock joke

beans

[Music]

all right we got a good looking house

out there tonight

are you ready absolutely tonight

i'm putting funny back in the fun uh-huh

all right then i'll go and introduce you

hey jason hey what are you guys

doing here so we'd wish you good luck

and give you these

these are jokes we came up with if you

get nervous out there you can use them

the knock knock section is quite

hysterical and my light bulb jokes are

sure to go over big

thanks guys once again folks all the way

from miss barnett's third grade

classroom

it's jason t conrad i gotta go

thanks guys see

now wasn't that worth it he won't let us

down

how are you folks doing tonight

good that's that's great

okay let's get started then

let's see here um how do you repair a

broken jack-o-lantern

with a pumpkin patch

[Laughter]

brilliant oh my yeah

a pumpkin patch knock knock

who's there owen oh and who

oh and the saints go marching in

get it owen like oh when

suddenly the black hole doesn't seem so

black

oh yeah and speaking of marching

i don't know if you've noticed or not

but there are some people out there who

really marched to the beat of a

different drum you know what i mean

like my friend kevin he loves to eat the

gross cereal fishy marshmallows

yuck yeah in fact his breath is so bad

that

every time he burps his teeth yell duck

[Laughter]

what's he doing oh it's okay kevin could

take some good natured ribbon

right kev oh yeah

and every time kevin yawns the cats

think i'm a ramen

but wait he's not the only one you know

how cool mitchell is right

well guess what kind of music he really

[Music]

likes

hey what's the difference between a

wounded hippo and very lightweight

huh beats me

[Laughter]

boy he got you there midge

[Applause]

now that's crossing the line mister hey

let me teach you a song that my sister

sings when he's feeling scared

no he wouldn't he couldn't

get a lot of this fluffy cats and candy

canes think of sunshine when it rains

soothing

thoughts can ease your pains fluffy cats

and candy canes

[Applause]

thanks folks glad you enjoyed the show

no

autographs please thank you mr conrad

glad to make your acquaintance sir my

name is gordon stick yes that's right

the gordon schtick

talent agent supreme and i want to

represent you

oh man really you my lad are gonna

perform at the comedy hole here in

sector 12

in one hour what do you say jason baby

[Music]

greetings crew so did you see me

what'd you think i tell ya i had him

eating out my hand

[Music]

yeah and did you bother to notice what

it was you were feeding them

um comedy funny stuff

it was funny wasn't it you told him all

of a private business jason

just to make him laugh kevin's cereal

my little private musical tastes

and michelle's song the one we promised

not to share

not to mention mr waddle bottom and he's

not speaking to you either

oh come on guys i thought you wanted me

to be funny tonight

you're just silly little secrets nobody

cares

where's michelle she's locked herself in

the closet

michelle are you mad at me too

you are mad at me aren't you boy i'm on

the verge of living our lifelong dream

here and all you can do

well how would you like it if i told

everyone about your secret

that's different no it's not and you

know it

well see you later michelle after a big

hit at the comedy hole

no autographs please

[Music]

we just don't get it

[Music]

hi minister curtin jason oh what's going

on

yeah yeah you're sucking your thumb like

a baby

it's not like that it's just a new joke

for the act

yeah yeah that's a good one

everybody will laugh when i tell them

about that no you can't

no oh why not because

because it's all right kid

i understand everybody has their little

secrets

i won't tell i know how much that would

hurt you

and friends don't hurt each other do

they that's right

all right then knock him dead kiddo i'll

see you after the show

now give it up ladies and gentlemen for

an up and coming comic

the king of third great comedy jason t

so why exactly are we watching this

i don't know somehow i still hope he

does well

hello ladies and gentlemen um before we

get started tonight

i have a confession i'd like to make see

when i was a little kid i had a blanket

i took it everywhere and couldn't even

get to sleep without it

and uh when i went to school my mommy

mom i mean trimmed it down small like

this

my blankie

i know it's pretty silly i even

i even sometimes when i get sad

i hold my blankie and suck my thumb

my blankie's just nice to have around

when my friends are far away

i humiliated my real friends the other

night doing this comedy thing and

i shouldn't have told secrets that just

embarrassed them

if you guys are watching tonight sigil

kevin

mitchell especially michelle i just want

to say that

i'm sorry but enough of that

you guys came here to laugh didn't you

well

buckle up zippy cup because here we go

two kangaroos were talking to each other

and one said

i hope it doesn't rain today i just hate

it when the kids have to play inside

[Applause]

[Music]

did you hear about the cat that swelled

the ball of yarn

a few months later she had a litter of

medals

[Music]

why is an open big gray and wrinkled

because of

was small white and round he'd be a

baseball

not so good ah here we go

knock knock who's there eskimo

christians basketball christians who

eskimo christians i'll tell you no lies

love the eskimo christians joke that one

was mine

i guess jason finally got his act

together

[Music]

i'm really sorry everyone i should have

known how hurtful i was being

we forgive you jason hey jason i'm

working on a new joke for you

how many light bulbs does it take to

change a penguin i don't know

well that's as far as i've gotten okay

here's another

knock knock who's there um i'm still

working on that one too

[Music]

what's that grandma must be listening to

[Applause]

[Music]

something

i didn't see you there what are you

doing grandma

well remember when i told you i had a

secret

this is it i dance with a broomstick to

old tunes

why well your granddad and i used to

dance every saturday night

and i miss him so i dance with the only

partner i have

at least a broomstick won't step on your

feet oh

grandad was a wonderful dancer but don't

tell anyone about

the broomstick it's our secret okay sure

grandmom

our secret you know what the old proverb

says

you goes about to tell bearer reveal

secrets

but he who is trustworthy conceals the

matter

i know what that means when a friend

tells you something private

you should show your true friend by

keeping it private

that's right cupcake come on dance with

me

i don't know how just move your feet to

the music sweet pea

[Music]