04x06 - Episode 6

[bunniefuu]

- Coming up... (dramatic music)

(siren wails)

Street patrol halted by famous face.

- Judith Ralston.

- You're definitely the best looking of them all.

- [ANNOUNCER] Desk sergeant struggles with hidden identity.

- [KAREN] Turn left.

Yeah, not too close to the wall.

- [BOBBY] Can you actually believe that?

- [ANNOUNCER] And some big wigs for the big wig.

- Sergeant on line one.

Tell her I'll call her back.

- [ANNOUNCER] When crime rears its ugly head,

call up the dream team with the guillotine,

sticking their neck out

for liberty, fraternity and legality.

- What would your mothers think?

- [ANNOUNCER] This is "Scot Squad."

(energetic rock music)

(siren wailing)

(upbeat music)

The Scottish Police Force is a job

for peacekeepers and thrill seekers.

Chief Commissioner Cameron Miekelson

has the skills to fit the bills.

- The SPF, we could do more with less

because our less is the best.

- [ANNOUNCER] And he ensures there's still

a thrill to joining the old bill.

- There's only one thing more addictive than drugs,

we say in the police force.

And that's catching the guys

who are selling the drugs.

Now that is a buzz.

Back in the day you'd be on a stakeout.

God, I miss the stakeouts, I tell you.

You'd be sitting down in the car, you know,

with a Gregg's cheese sarnie

and a wee strawberry thing, you know,

sitting all day just munching, waiting, looking.

What's he doing, what's she up to?

Who's...

Hello!

There's a bald guy going to the barber's.

What's that all about?

Straight in after him, wrestle the wee boy to the floor.

You got no hair, what you doing in the barber's?

He's a drug dealer and you'd come out, you'd be pumped.

You'd be like that, you know,

"Another one, I've got another one."

That's a good thing, that feeling

'cause that makes you a better cop.

And we call that the fuzz buzz, you know?

And the problem these days is that

we have a lot of desk bound work.

So you don't have that dopamine rush.

So how do we get the cops today,

how do we get them to have that buzz?

So it's difficult and I'm thinking bungee jump.

So you're rewarded.

You bust somebody, you go on a bungee jump

and then you get addicted to that rush.

The only danger is you get so addicted to that,

that you start just criminalizing everybody you meet

'cause you want another bungee jump.

But I just have to trust my force

that they're honest cops.

(upbeat music)

- [ANNOUNCER] Panic can strike anytime.

When society gets into a sticky situation,

desk sergeant Karen Ann Miller

is the saint of good sense,

helping out with two helping hands.

- Thanks very much for coming in.

And we'll keep in touch with you, okay?

Thank you.

- Officer Karen. - Bobby.

Left. Turn left.

Other left.

Just, okay, spin it.

Yeah, not too close, there's a wall.

Watch you don't bang into anything.

You all right? - Yes.

Can you help me?

You'll never guess what.

Somebody sneaked up on us and stuck a cone on my head.

Can you actually believe that?

- You're a wee bit taller than my desk here.

So I need you to back up a wee bit.

- Yeah. - No, a wee bit more.

Wee bit more, oh, stop, stop, stop.

- Right. - Okay.

And I need you to bend your head down towards me.

Head down as if you were going to charge towards me

like a wounded unicorn.

There we go.

Oh, right. No, turn, turn.

No, other way.

Keep turning that way, keep turning. There we go.

Down towards me.

- [BOBBY] Has somebody left a bag there?

- I think it was you, Bobby. - Oh, right.

Are you ready? - I'm ready, are you ready?

- [BOBBY] You pull and I'll push?

- I've managed to get hold of the top of the cone, okay?

So I'm gonna pull. - Right, okay.

- You ready? - Right, go.

(cone clanging)

(Bobby breathing heavily)

- You all right in there?

Do you want to-

- No, I'm not taking that with me, no way.

That'll end up back on my head knowing my luck.

- Oddly, I think you might be right.

Maybe it is better if I just hang on to it.

- Right, see you later, Officer Karen.

Thanks for your help, right.

(intense music)

- [ANNOUNCER] Scotland's climate.

Storms in Sterling,

thunder in Thurso, or sludgy sleet in Strathaven.

Whatever nature tosses their way,

city cops Sarah Fletcher and Jack McLaren

have a bright outlook.

- Weather does play a big part in our job.

When it's heavy, heavy rain, windy,

that's more difficult.

If you're chasing after somebody, it could be slidey.

Or if it's roasting hot, that brings out a lot of the bums.

They go crazy when it's sunny.

- Excuse me, officers, I wonder if you can help me.

I've just made a terrible mistake.

I've locked my keys and my wallet,

and my umbrella in the car

and I actually need them.

Any chance you could help me?

- Yes. - Yeah, of course, yes.

- Ah, I know you. - Yeah, I recognize.

- I know you.

You do the "Deadline Day" with Jim White.

- No, no. - I don't watch that.

- No. Weather. - All right, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you.

Judith Ralston.

- You're definitely the best looking of them all.

- So what can we help you with?

- Well, I stupidly locked myself out of my car.

My keys, my umbrella and my wallet.

- An umbrella, sorry, did you say?

- An umbrella, yeah.

- Ah, that's weird because I watched you this morning

and you said that there was gonna be no showers today,

it was sunny all day.

I've got a short T-shirt on, no jacket.

- Well, I do find in Scotland,

better to be safer than sorry.

I always have an umbrella handy.

You can have four seasons in one day in Scotland.

I'm sure you know that. - That's a true story.

- It is true. - It's not an exact science.

You just make half OF it up though, don't you?

- No. - No?

- No, it's a science actually.

I'm a serious meteorologist.

Love it. - Oh, love it?

What is it you are? - Meteorologist.

- That's quite sexy when you say that.

- You think so? - (chuckling) Aye.

- So what should we do about...

- Aye, obviously,

you should be calling your breakdown service,

but as police,

I know how to get into cars.

Obviously, you can't see what I do.

So why don't I open your car?

- Oh, thank you.

- [JACK] We'll say no more about it.

- We'll just stand aside

and let my colleague get on with that.

- No looking. - No.

- You must have a busy job here in Scotland, do you?

- Oh yes, and I was just thinking,

your job is so important and works in tandem with ours.

- Like you, I guess we have an element of teamwork

as well with my new sh**ting partners.

- One of my favorites is Alistair Fraser.

- Oh, Alistair, oh, he's a wonderful young man.

- I think he's a dream. - I think he'd like you.

- Really? - Yeah.

- I could pen him a letter and see.

- I'll take a wee selfie of us before I go.

- Okay, I'll just...

Do you have a favorite place on the map to point to?

- Oh, I think it has to be Yell.

Shetland's right at the very top of the map.

- Ah, because you can stretch.

- You can stretch right up.

Oh, thank you.

- Could listen to you all day. - But we won't need that.

- No, but it's handy. - Just as a precaution.

- Yes.

- For batting off the boys. You know what I mean?

(Judith laughs) - Oh yeah.

Cheeky, aren't you?

- All the more.

- So I'll be on my way.

- Just don't forget the selfie for Alistair.

- Oh yes, yes.

Let's do a wee selfie for Alistair.

Cheese! (camera shutter clicks)

Thank you. Take care.

- Bye. - Bye. See you later.

Outstanding. She's amazing.

- She's gonna set me up with Alistair Fraser.

- I thought you had yourself a Welshman.

I think it's important to be your own hero

and I'm certainly my own hero.

I aspire to be the best version of myself I can possibly be.

Which is this version, obviously.

(intense music)

- [ANNOUNCER] Knights of the road,

czars of the cars,

overlords of the overpass,

Singh and McKirdy are old school cops

with an awareness of new school innovation.

(siren wailing)

- I recently discovered an app

that could read out your text messages.

So it connects to the car radio.

Any text you're getting, it reads it out.

- [APP] Are you up for five sides this Sunday?

- Oh wow. - There you go.

- That's quite impressive.

- Like Frank and the boys.

- [APP] Pitch booked AM.

- Frankie boy, bet all in.

- [APP] You play better with a hangover anyway.

Ha ha.

- I do like it.

- That's quite funny.

- I seem I'm rough for some reason.

It's go, man, go.

- [APP] Hugh McKirdy. You are a total fud.

- That's kinda harsh. Who's that?

- It's Moira.

- Moira. How long you been going out now?

- Too long. It's been six months.

- [APP] You are a (beep) tosser.

- She doesn't sound happy.

- That doesn't look professional.

And it's also, it's embarrassing as well.

It's embarrassing as well,

'cause I'm sitting next to him, right?

I don't want him to hear my girlfriend chewing my ear

about this and that.

- [APP] You're full of (beep) pish.

(Hugh sighs)

- I can only apologize about this.

- Don't worry about it.

I'm enjoying this.

- I don't want people

in the back of the police car

knowing my personal business.

You know, she's using expletives.

- Try not to speak, okay?

- [APP] You are a lying arsehole.

- Aye, just ignore that.

Turn this thing down, man.

- It's this new app.

- What we saying to you is-

- [APP] Get your stuff out of my flat.

- That's what she's saying to you.

But yeah, I mean,

you know, we were young once as well.

- [APP] Are you coming round for your tea?

- That's my mum. (young man snickers)

- You going to your mum's for tea?

- I don't know. (laughs)

- Maybe possibly. - (beep) you.

- Is that your mum? - Yeah.

- No, it's not my mum.

For your information, my mum doesn't talk like that.

- [APP] It's mince and tatties.

- Well, that's good. - That's quite nice.

- Thankfully I will have mince and tatties.

- That's nice.

- Ah, that's probably the only bit of good news

I've had today, if I'm honest with you,

that I'm getting mince and tatties tonight.

(Hugh chuckles bitterly)

- [APP] I am not wearing any knickers.

- That is not my ma.

Personal and professional relationships should be avoided.

In fact, actually, the only relationships

that are important when we come on duty

is me and PC Singh's.

You know, when when we clock on,

he's my wife and I'm his wife.

And you wouldn't tell me if you didn't have any clothes on.

You wouldn't text me stuff like that.

And you know, don't get me wrong,

I wouldn't mind you texting me that way if you wanted.

(upbeat pop music)

If you're sitting there with no clothes on,

I'm gonna tell him.

- Yep. World Cup coming up.

Russia .

And each World Cup, we have to draw up plans

how we're gonna police the tartan army abroad.

Obviously, for a while now,

these have been more theoretical studies.

None of them have actually been put into plan.

These studies are fantastic. They're first rate.

We are the Jim Baxter juggling the ball down the wing.

The team's a little bit more like that chubby boy Martin

sclaffing one in by chance against Lavinia, you know?

So we haven't made it.

But to be honest, Russia , do you really want to go?

I mean, I've seen those boys.

Nutters.

The ultras in the black with the shaved heads.

(exhales sharply) Rather you than me.

I'll tell you that.

You know, the only boys tougher than the ultras

are the police, the Russian police.

You know, how are they gonna respond

to wee Sandy from Loch Gulp Head, you know,

shaking his arse in the fountain of Volgograd?

They're not gonna laugh at that.

They're gonna get the boy and throw him in the jail

and he might never come out.

'Cause you give 'em lip in the jail,

they put you in another jail.

Smaller jail within the jail.

Then there's another jail within that jail.

On it goes.

It's like a big Russian doll system out there.

Tell you.

So no, dodged a b*llet.

I think we did dodge a b*llet on that one.

- [ANNOUNCER] The Scottish police force deal in the truth,

the whole truth, (siren wailing)

and hee-haw but the truth.

Plainclothes detectives Squire and McGill

are no strangers to those

that are strangers to the truth.

Straight up.

- I actually can't think of any other job

where you get lied to all the time.

- Unless you're in slumming world or something.

- [SQUIRE] Shoes are awful loud, aren't they?

- Did you notice? No?

Last week we got called to a little convenience store

that had been robbed.

We thought we would go

and interview the couple face to face.

Anybody that comes in here

that you you get a bit of hassle with now and again?

- There's a bit of jealousy probably,

because-

- We're like the Posh and Becks here.

- When we went through the list of items

that were actually took from the shop,

they were very expensive items.

And I mean, this isn't an expensive shop

and I don't mean that cheeky.

I mean, it ain't no Wish, right?

- But it's not like that shop in the corner.

This is a wee bit merrier, kind of classy joint.

- And when we went through the CCTV,

they knew their way around the shop.

I get that it's small,

but it was pretty obvious they knew their way around.

- [SQUIRE] Usually it's-

- That's the way that I've laid it out.

It's all like, feng shui.

Like everything's where it should be.

And they could read the signs, so.

- It's hard to mess up there.

You want Christmas snacks, they're there.

- I want you to have a wee look through the CCTV.

This is your shop.

This is your shop.

- I mean, they had balaclavas on

and Ant and Dec masks on top of the balaclavas

and they were selling the same Ant and Dec masks

in the shop.

- You sell them masks, don't know, in the shop?

- Yeah, they're there. - Nah.

- That's Ant and Dec, that's Ant and Dec right there.

- [WOMAN] How do you know it's not actually Ant and Dec?

How do you know it's not Dec?

- [MCGILL] Are you asking me?

(couple speaking indistinctly on footage)

- [MCGILL] Oh, hold on. A wee fight's breaking out.

Here's a surprise.

- She's actually got the same jeans on as you.

- How dare you? - Well, you've got the same-

- [WOMAN] I look better than her.

- Well, people do say

that you put weight on in the telly, don't they?

- That camera adds pounds.

- Some intelligence came in

where the brother was discovered.

He was discovered on Gumtree,

actually selling said items from the shop.

- He's my half-brother, all right?

- [WOMAN] Aye, the stupid half.

- Listen, am I right, McGill?

We're going have to caution the two of youse right now.

- Can I go (indistinct)?

- [MCGILL] Oh, at least you'll get

a wee break from each other

for the afternoon.

- Let's go.

- I think people think that criminals are smart,

even the serious ones, but they're not.

They're just numpties.

- I remember one case, you know, my early days a cop,

a guy had done a street window in in the town

and at one point he smashed the window

and he was kidding on to be a mannequin in the window.

I'm like, "Get out."

He ignored me. I said, "Come out."

Eventually he comes out, he's like, "How did you catch me?"

I said, "Well, your f*g was still lit."

You know? Idiots.

(upbeat music)

- [ANNPOUNCER] At the "Scot Squad" comms HQ,

Maggie LeBeau questions the callers to cut through the crud.

- Could you tell me where the fight is?

Depends on when you catch him?

- [ANNOUNCER] She has voice recognition software

hot wire to her brain, her ear, and her other ear.

- So sometimes you will get people calling in

that you know, if it's friends, family, whatever.

You can't give them preferential treatment.

But the opposite is true as well.

You know, somebody who calls up

is someone who hasn't been very nice to you

or bullied you in school.

Right, so your house has been graffitied, has it?

Uh-huh, yeah. And what sort of stuff did they write?

No, it's not very nice, is it?

You still have to be absolutely professional.

You can't let your feelings interfere with the job.

Bit of advice for you.

Next time, phone , not an emergency.

Second of all, officers might take a few weeks to get round

and third of all,

maybe the words they wrote on the house are true.

Just saying.

Okay. Cheerio, Susan. (upbeat pop music)

- [ANNOUNCER] Ex volunteer, now gen op cop,

Ken Beattie is fast adapting to swimming with the sharks.

There's no water wings,

but Beattie's got the get-go

to dive in the deep end head first.

- I'm never surprised at the strange items

that criminals steal.

Recently, me and two colleagues were called

in to a house breaking.

Police, stop!

Stop! We're at your back!

They were carrying a massive fish tank.

I mean, I had no idea fish were so expensive or valuable

unless if it's like, some black market for them

in this area.

That has all got to stop! Police!

As we pursued them on foot, they dropped it.

(Beattie screaming)

Oh my god.

I tried to save the fish.

Oh no! Okay, fish.

Okay. (breathing heavily)

Now, unfortunately, five were pronounced dead at the scene.

Thank God!

Two were taken by gulls

and three were trampled on by my colleagues.

(Beattie sobbing)

Please don't die, don't die.

But managed to save two.

(Beattie chuckles)

This one here, I was really excited when I first saved him.

Police, stop! (yells)

They're actually very boring.

One of my favorite things to police

is festivals and parades and such, like.

I was at a festival last weekend

and people love taking selfies and kissing policemen.

(Beattie chuckles)

No one'd believe this,

but I got kisses last weekend alone.

Also got pickpocketed pounds.

But that works out at like . pound a kiss.

Totally worth it.

(upbeat pop music)

- Nobody cares for the environment more than myself

and the Scottish police force, huh?

Do you know who doesn't care for the environment?

Your criminal.

'Cause they don't care about any consequences

of their actions.

You probably know what I'm talking about.

Remember a couple of months ago,

we were chasing a drug boat off Stonehaven.

The guys, rather than get arrested,

they panic and they chuck all the cocaine into the water.

That goes into the ecosystem.

You have any idea what happens to a shoal of haddock

on three ton of Charlie erratically swimming around

and then somebody eats that fish

and it becomes, you know,

you got crabs jazzed up like that.

Crabs attacking seals.

Seals flipping up caught like this.

And the fishermen, it affects their livelihood.

They can't catch the fish

'cause the fish are now going at knots.

There's no boat that can keep up with that.

So don't come to me saying, "Be easy on criminals,"

'cause they're not easy on the planet.

When it comes to Mother Earth,

no greater mommy's boy than me.

(upbeat pop music)

- [ANNOUNCER] In Greenbelt, Scotland.

Even minor offenses can be a major headache

for local traders.

Luckily, the countryside combination

of Charlie McIntosh and Jane Mackay

are an effective and reassuring presence.

- We were at a whiskey shop today

and that was because the owner had witnessed

a hit and run against another vehicle on the property.

Hi there.

- [MCNAIR] Oh, I'll be with you in two ticks.

- That's fine. You take your time.

- Oh Jesus! - Sorry.

(all chuckling)

- Relax there. Is it Mr. McNair?

Alistair McNair? - Aye, that's right.

- Yes. About the car incident.

He definitely- - Right.

- You have the registration for us?

- Jeanie does, my wife has.

If you see a cat,

a wee ginger tom. - Aye?

- Feel free to kick its (beep) arse.

- Oh right.

- I'll just get the paper. - Okay.

(officers chuckling)

- [MCNAIR] Jeanie!

- Do you think he's maybe having a few of his own?

- Yeah. (chuckles) Well, you would, wouldn't you?

- Nice. - I'd be tempted.

- Well... - Well, this one looks nice.

- Oh, lovely color. - Yes. Very nice color.

This is a -year-old.

- Wow. Fancy.

- I think- - pounds?

- What? (bottle shatters)

- Oh, shingles! - Oh, no!

- What?

- We all make mistakes.

Accidents do happen even to us as police officers.

- It was quite the scene.

Son of a biscuit.

- Charlie!

Hey. - Hey.

Uh, the thing is, it's...

- Look, I'm so sorry.

I'll be absolutely honest with you.

- It was your cat. That ginger tom.

- What? - (bleep) The cat?

- Yeah, it just came in outta nowhere

and just knocked the bottle outta my hand.

- Dunno what happened. There was some miscommunication.

Somehow the cat was implicated in the crime.

- Cat, were it? Jesus!

- I think a ginger ball just flew out of the air

right into my face and it just smashed.

- I could k*ll the bloody cat.

- No, no! - I will. I will.

I'll dang it.

- It's a real shame about the cat.

Maybe. But don't k*ll it.

- We can't let you hurt it.

It was, it was us. - It was me.

It was me. It was me.

I smashed the bottle.

I got a fright and I smashed the bottle.

- [CHARLIE] She did.

- I told him it was in fact my fault.

I had dropped the whiskey

because Charlie gave me such a massive fright

and he'd left his whiskey unattended

in the middle of the shop.

- Yes.

- Extremely expensive bottle of whiskey.

Who would do that, I don't know.

- There'll be compensation.

- No, no. - There won't?

- In actual fact, we are insured for the whiskey.

So there's no damage, no loss, really, there.

So we just go and then the space is clear.

- Oh, just go.

- Really sorry. (objects clattering)

- Oh, you bollocks!

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(McNair shouting angrily)

- Myself and Jane have such an effective partnership.

I'm sure that if we were even just to think

of the same animal,

we'd be thinking of the same one.

- Really?

- Yeah. What animal are you thinking of right now?

- Gecko. (stirring music)

- Gecko. Yeah.

- So, Karen.

- No, Bobby.

Just no.

Hospital, bike shop, ironmongers,

welders, car repair shop.

There's loads of places that'll help you.

- I fell out the loft.

- Just anywhere but here, Bobby. Sorry.

- Aye, okay, Officer Karen.

I'll go up to the scrappy, right?

- Good idea.

Mind your handlebars.

- Thanks. See you later, Officer Karen.

- See, up, up. There.

There we go.

- See you. - Mind your hands.

See you later, Bobby.

(energetic rock music)

- Okay, Vincent, pop it on there. Thank you.

Now this is Vincent, false hair specialist.

This is for Januawig.

You know, the charity,

you have to wear a wig for the whole of January.

Go about your everyday business.

So we're just selecting which one,

'cause you've gotta wear it the whole time.

Even in the bath.

Okay. That feels good.

Not bad. Maybe a wee bit Paul Weller.

Yeah, no, let's keep going. Try some more.

Nah, too distinguished.

I mean, it's in the running, isn't it?

It's reminding me of somebody. I don't know who it is.

Is it Peggy Mitchell? Maybe Leslie Nielsen.

Maybe Andy Warhol.

One more day. Brookside.

Yeah. I mean, I'm considering this one.

It's hard to believe, but this is,

before I went gray and lost my hair,

this was actually the color of my hair.

But I think in the end it's too` Nicholas Dunson, isn't it?

Hey there! How you doing?

Tell her she could come see me any time. Okay.

You gotta improve your numbers, right? It's unacceptable.

I'm the one who has to go

in front of the select committee, okay?

Then you're gonna make me look stupid.

Nobody makes me look stupid.

(phone ringing) What's that?

Jane Sturgeon on line one?

Tell her I'll call her back.

So it's the end of Januawig. Sad to see it go.

But you know, the main thing is,

we raised a lot of money for charity and you know,

if I raised a few admiring glances along the way,

that's just all part of it, isn't it?

I might slip it in the suitcase

for my holidays in Mallorca,

but you know, other than that,

I'm happy as I am.

It's coming off.

Not today 'cause I'll wear to the golf club dinner.

But that's it. Me and the wig, done.

We've had our fun.

(tense music)

- As a police officer, we need to be alert

and it can be a dangerous situation

when the blood sugar levels drop,

when we don't get enough food.

Oh, I'm starving, man.

- You're always starving.

- I know I'm always starving,

but I'm pure starving

and honestly, I could eat a horse.

We need the right amount of carbs.

We need the right amount of protein

getting in our bodies.

And if we don't get the right scoff,

then we're gonna struggle.

And I seem to struggle a lot,

a lot worse than PC Singh here.

- You know what you should do?

You should bring a lunch, pack it so that you can-

- I brought lunch!

I brought a pack lunch

but I tanned it before o'clock this morning.

- Are you just constantly hungry?

See, like, when you're finish eating?

- Aye, it's embarrassing and it's getting worse.

- Straight back to hungry? - It's getting worse.

I ate a full packet of Jaffa cakes all night.

- I'm hoping to train my colleague PC Hugh McKirdy here

and have a little bit more discipline

and to eat healthy.

I can give you one of my rice cakes if you want.

- A what?

- It's a cake made of rice.

I mean, do you like rice?

- Big fan of rice. - Do you like cake?

- (chuckles) I'm begging at my cakes.

Rice cake. - Rice cake.

- Oh, kind of plain.

- That's the best thing about it.

Huh?

Huh?

(Hugh groaning in disgust)

- They're stinking!

I just find

because we we're in such a high pressure job,

it's quite hard to eat properly.

When we've just dealt with a horrific situation,

we've been involved in a horrific RTC,

the last thing I want is an apple.

- [DISPATCH] All units respond.

Address, Wallace Road.

- Oh, that's the tandoori!

That's where the tandoori is!

Matey, get going!

Woo-hoo! Let's go!

- [SINGH] That's it, yeah? It's that?

- PC Singh,

I'm going need to take some witness statements, all right?

- Where? Oi!

- Hiya, can I get chips, cheese and donair meat, please.

PC Singh went to the people

who were directly involved in the incident.

I thought, broaden horizons,

get in the tandoori

and see if there was anybody there

willing to give witness statements.

So could you take me through what happened please?

- I was literally just driving along the roads.

And-

- How fast were you going? - About miles an hour.

- miles? - ?

- Yes. Or just probably below .

- Do you know if you're suffering

from any kinda neck pain?

Any kinda whiplash?

- Yeah. The back of my head's really sore.

- You are feeling pain? - Yeah.

- Yeah, we're gonna need to get that checked out.

Do you think you maybe need some-

- Medical assistance? - Medical assistance?

- Yeah.

- Right.

I know youse probably got a fright.

Youse have been really brave. Really, really, really brave.

- Thank you. (upbeat music)

- [ANNOUNCER] A full up force is a first class force

and a clued up chief has the media savvy

to tell fact from fiction.

- Actually, I don't enjoy "Line of Duty."

You know, it's fine, but it's entertainment.

You know, it's not real life. There's no police corruption.

How can I say that with such confidence?

You're thinking, you know, who polices the police?

Well, let me introduce you to Steven.

There he is.

Steven's part of the regulatory body.

Keeps an eye on things,

make sure there's nothing untoward going on.

You know, he's on the lookout

for what we we cry the four Bs.

No bongs, no backhanders,

no bribery, no blackmail.

And today, you've found nothing, have you?

There you go. You see?

Now I'm ahead of you.

I know yow you're thinking, "Oh, who polices Steven?"

Well, let me introduce you to Sandra. There she is.

Now Sandra is part of the regulators regulatory body.

She regulates the regulators, keeps an eye on him,

makes sure he's not taken any backhand.

So that's why there's no corruption in the police.

Oh, you're waiting for me? Of course.

Okay.

- [ANNOUNCER] Incorruptible. Unstoppable.

(upbeat music)