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01x10 - Episode 10

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Adventures of Portland Bill". Aired: 4 October 1983 – 25 June 1986.*
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Set in a fictional lighthouse on the Guillemot Rock, just off the coast from the fictional village of McGuillycuddy.

01x10 - Episode 10

Post by bunniefuu »

[Music]

oh come with me to the rolling sea while

the weather's calm and still

and we'll have some fun and laughter

with the adventures of portland bill

[Music]

one stormy day i was on watch when i saw

eddie stone's boat the kipper

approaching the lighthouse

oh hi there

throw me a line

i've lost my anchor

hold on eddie i called and we all rushed

to help him

hey

you better come in for a couple while

the storm blows over i said and then we

find you something to use as an anchor

oh let's have tea first i'll meet one of

my special cakes oh thank you said eddie

but first would someone help me to carry

this sack inside it mustn't get wet

eddie and i were in the radio room while

ross and comedy were preparing the tea

oh no ross i hadn't got any flour to

make the cake hold on

that looks like a sack of flour that

eddie brought

oh that's great said comedy and he

helped himself

[Music]

come on everybody clap to the music

gonna have a party it's all

[Music]

stand up and sing with me

[Music]

in

[Music]

to the harmony stands to the rhythm it's

all right the party is jumping everybody

joining everybody sing with me

you can tell eddie that he can get ready

with his squeeze box

we're all in the band so everybody clap

your hands we're gonna get it right so

all together everybody

dance to the

rhythm we're having a party

come on and dance with me

[Music]

we were all looking forward to our tea

and to clarity's special cake

smile eddie

that cake looks delicious

ah well i could have been a great chef

boasted comedy

but when he tried to cut the cake it was

a different story it was so hard it

broke the knife

comedy was flabbergasted

i don't understand it i followed my

usual recipe

i even used the new flower from your

sack eddie oh

dear cried eddie it isn't flower in that

sack it's quick drying cement

as you can imagine that was the end of

our teapot

well after the storm passed eddie was

about to go

wait a minute eddie

i'm sorry you missed your tea

uh i'll bake something else for you in

case you feel a bit peckish on the way

home

hmm said eddie

thanks that delicious

what are they

k*ll them on rock cakes

hold on eddie i said i've got a surprise

for you too

oh really

thank you builder

what is it

one ship's anchor made out of chromity's

cake

very funny

[Music]

there's always something happening on

the guillemot rock

[Music]

we're polishing and cleaning everything

we can till all the brass is gleaming

and the rooms are and span

scrub dust polish and rub with cleaning

cloth and water tub splish splush

mopping the floor with puddles and

bubbles all over the floor

no

how do sailors get their clothes clean

i don't know they threw them overboard

and they're washed ashore

[Music]

do

[Music]

splish splush mopping the floor with

puddles and bubbles all over the floor

we've polished and we cleaned up

everything we can now all the brass is

gleaming and the room the spit and span

tell us another story bill

[Music]

now from time to time

chromatin likes taking up new hobbies

and his latest craze was bird watching

uh

not a duck or a girl in sight he cried

nor even albatross

what are you doing chromatin

uh i'm bird watching

trouble is there are no birds to watch

are you sure said ross

can i have a look

now the lads were so busy looking for

birds that they didn't see the one right

under their very noses

a whopping great penguin

it waddled right past them into the

lighthouse knocking over ross's bucket

of water on its way

[Music]

ah well

it's no good sight comedy

there's not a bird for miles

i'm going in to make the cup of tea

and so off he went to put the kettle on

leaving ross searching for birds

suddenly he saw the mess the penguin had

made when it knocked over the bucket

well of course he blamed comedy so he

raced upstairs shouting all the way

gravity i've been washing the steps all

day and now you knock over my bucket and

leave dirty footprints everywhere that

was not me

i didn't knock over your bucket ross you

did i didn't you did ah didn't you you

did uh kidney well it certainly wasn't

me snap ross it must have been you well

the lads were so busy

they hadn't noticed our new friend the

penguin talking into the jam tarts

they'd made for tea

at last chromity decided that his need

for food was stronger than his need for

arguing

oh i don't know who knocked over your

bucket ross let's sit down and have our

tea

[Music]

but when they sat down

comedy saw that half the cats were gone

who's been eating all the tarts well it

certainly wasn't me said ross it must

have been you oh no i didn't oh yes you

did ah didn't he you did ah didn't he

did kidney

oh no they were at it again

i could hear their shouting right at the

top of the lighthouse where i was

polishing the land

i decided i had to put a stop

i'll tell you it wasn't me cried ross

but you surely don't think it was me oh

yes you did hold on i said drop your

anchors what's all the noise about

well

firstly chromity knocked over my bucket

and he left dirty footprints all over

the place

and and you ate the tarts we made for

tea and and i interrupted

what bird is black and white with dirty

big great yellow feet

knocks over buckets and is standing

right behind you um

said ross

standing right behind us

hmm

hi

that's a hard one said comedy

oh we give up

call yourself bird watch as i laugh

there's a whopping great penguin right

under your very noses and

he's polishing off the last of the jam

turrets

some bird watches you are

[Music]

come with me to the rolling sea while

the weather's calm and still

and we'll have some fun and laughter

with the adventures of portland bill

[Music]