Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.

Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?

Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register

01x07 - Episode 7

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Adventures of Portland Bill". Aired: 4 October 1983 – 25 June 1986.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Set in a fictional lighthouse on the Guillemot Rock, just off the coast from the fictional village of McGuillycuddy.

01x07 - Episode 7

Post by bunniefuu »

[Music]

oh come with me to the rolling sea while

the weather's calm and still

and we'll have some fun and laughter

with the adventures of portland

you know sometimes life just ain't fair

it was the day of the big match and we'd

all rushed to finish our morning duties

in the lighthouse on the guillemot walk

and had just settled back to watch the

television

when

oh

no

cried ross

the picture's got all

funny we won't be able to watch the

football

well here try banging it with the tv

times say chronically helpfully catch

well i knew that wouldn't do the trick

so i told him

it's the weather

the television's picking up atmospheric

interference

it would take an expert to fix it

just then eddie stone arrived with some

supplies from his shop in the ghillie

cuddy avoid their lads give me a hand

will you

soon eddie came puffing up the stairs oh

oh what a climb

i brought your shopping

and some oat cakes from grandma tyree

and i've got the mail somewhere oh oh

yes here we are

oh and there's a parcel

of a gravity oh

i've been waiting ages for this to

arrive oh hurry up ross give it here

come on in eddie i said we'll have a

cuppa

no chance of watching the match we can't

get a picture on the set

oh

dear replied eddie

atmospheric interference i suppose

that's right i said yes there's been a

lot of it around lately

well let's have that cup of tea it'll

cheer us up i said will you get the mugs

comedy

but i was talking to myself the comedy

was already on his way upstairs

he went straight to the gallery to

unwrap his parcel

[Music]

[Music]

hello chromatin

wow

what's that

this has a comedy proudly is my weather

forecasting kit

this tells you the wind speed

[Music]

you've got a kite

can i try it out hi but be careful it's

very sophisticated equipment

know that there should be a weather

balloon to go with my kite ah yes here

it is i think uh

this

but too late comedy had fallen off the

television aerial blistering barnacles

he cried no i'll be in trouble and he

started to try and bend the aerial

straight again

and at this point eddie and i let out a

great cheer hooray hurry

hey did you hear that chromity that's

ross hey what's happened

i don't know let's go down and find out

[Music]

when the two lads reach the living room

they were surprised to find the

television working perfectly

and we all sat back to watch the match

[Music]

press it forward

well done i said

thanks for fixing the aerial

oh uh um yes uh bluff comedy i was just

setting up my weather forecasting kit in

the gallery while i was at it i thought

i'd

readjust the television aerial

oh

how clever gasp eddie

you must be an expert

i suppose your new kit helped you

diagnose the atmospheric conditions so

you could set the aerial at the right

angle

yeah yes

you could say that a great comedy

[Music]

what's happening at the lighthouse

they're singing a song

when the wind blows in of the salty sea

come dance a jig to a sea shanty it

feels so right it feels so free to be a

lighthouse keeper

yo h* h* see the big ships go across the

rolling street

sunshine or wind or rain or fog write it

down in daily love with a cup of tea

it's warm and snug to be a lighthouse

keeper

yo h* h* see the big ships go across

[Music]

why was the lobster arrested

i don't know why was the lobster

arrested because it was always pinching

things

yoho oh see the big ships go across the

rolling sea

and way up here where the lamp burns

bright on top of the world by day you're

a night with a telescope you feel just

right when you're a lighthouse keeper

[Music]

i can't wait to tell you my next story

[Music]

it was a lovely sunny seaside day

so i decided to take doga to the

mainland for a walk

but as soon as we got it the gilly cuddy

he ran off mama hey dogger come back

here oh yeah we're going for the walk

we're not going to the shop today

but i was wrong

morning bill greeted eddie stone the

shopkeeper

i don't know i chuckled

that dog of mine

every time we come to the village he

races to your shop

he knows where i buy the dog food all

right you've spoiled that dog all the

chockie drops you buy him but i don't

think he takes any notice of you

well i wasn't having that i've taught

dog loads of tricks

here i says watch this

dogger

go to sleep

oh

look roll over

well all right then sit

i told you bill laugh daddy he's only

interested in my sausages

well in that case i said we'd better get

off before he gets his teeth into them

come on dogger let's find a stick to

chase

[Music]

we just watched the leafy lane and we

were having a good game of fetch when

hi who threw that stick

come on hold up

oh finish there i said i am sorry i

didn't see you in the hole uh it's all

right bill didn't hurt huh what's up

the tap's not working again bill replied

finister i think the pipe needs

replacing

i think you're right i said as the pipe

suddenly sprang

oops there's another leak and another

oh help

i've run out of fingers to stick in the

old

if this pipe bursts the whole village

will be without water

so i jumped in and covered as many holes

as possible but then i ran out of

fingers

oh now what do we do past finish day

we're stuck

but i had an idea duggar go and fetch

help i said go and get eddie

[Music]

oh

hello no no get done boy said eddie i'm

busy right now

sorry mrs lundy uh you wanted uh two

pounds of sausages didn't you

now

as doga saw it there was only one way of

getting eddie's undivided attention

get done

stop it

hey come back with those sausages come

back come back the chase was on and he

jumped onto his bicycle and raced half

the dogger you haven't paid for them

come back this instant

by the time eddie caught up duggar had

reached the leafy lane where finished

air and i was still holding to the water

pipe

[Music]

ah bill puff daddy putting on his

policeman's hat

i have to arrest dogger for stealing

sausages

what are you doing to that pipe he asked

quickly putting on his waterboard

inspector's hat thank goodness you've

arrived i said this pipes burst and if

we let go the lane will flood in the

village will be without water

oh hang on a minute said eddie and off

he went to get his

tools when we finish mending the pipe

eddie remembered his sausages you know i

said you can't blame dogger for taking

them oh

i sent him to fetch you so he had to

make you follow him

yeah but why is he eating them now bill

you go finish there

[Music]

i couldn't think of a good answer to

that then eddie spoke up don't worry

about the sausages bill he's such a

clever dog he deserves them and i think

he'll even get a bag of dog biscuits

from the waterboard

clever boy

oh come with me to the rolling sea while

the weather's calm and still

and we'll have some fun and laughter

with the adventures of portland bill

you