01x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

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wo woo

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and the Stockdale Building Society

employee of the year award goes to

Michelle

[Applause]

Thompson what

Michelle sorry I misread the

signals give yourself up

you are a Golden

Flower a float on a river of creamy

silence a shining feather a drift in a

daydream

Sky Release Yourself to the honeysuckle

waterfall that is

love a

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Anna

yourich where is the Homeland o Shan

connory I cannot start hastra Anna

hastra

untouchable youone

e

Scotland

[Laughter]

here join

[Laughter]

listen to this son this hotel's got his

own putting grp come on YouTube we don't

want to be late for

dinner son was obviously a dummy I dear

right enough she was a dummy oh yes sir

that was a dummy all

right

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fine there's a special shampoo poo it's

exactly the same stuff as you get in the

chemist but it's twice the price but

then you do look like AL C

sorry I see that

loud hi there oh hello listen I know

this is really cheeky but could I just

jump you sorry in the queue can I just

go in front of you well I'm in a wee bit

of a rush

please

please

please go on

then you're a star

[Laughter]

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like you will not believe what happened

this morning my so-called mother made me

go to the dentist I could have died man

was it like totally painful like yeah

they made me wear a white

smart I know next time I'm going to take

my own black one

yeah now on BBC Scotland Let's Travel

back to 1959 as we take another Journey

up your

more up

more up yet

[Laughter]

more oh

singer feels

bad hard your wished

[Laughter]

oh no no stew again that Stew's not for

you it's for the six

WS who's

that J that's the minister what does he

want who want this te if he doesn't get

his Muckle bit broad they'll be up to

high fly Di and we'll be straight to

hell and my okay what we going to do

what we going to

do have you still got that deed rat that

you fun in the B but we saving done for

Christmas GE it I'll bile it up and make

a

broth hello Mr

duuke I was wondering if I might abuse

my power to impose myself upon you for

certainly Minister a nice meaty broth

day you oh no no no no no s haven't you

heard I'm Scotland's first

[Laughter]

vegetarian to some this humble stick of

celery is a work of art others love to

lose themselves in the viny marvels of a

Cabbage but I'm Jenny claxon and this is

soup up soup

so follow me to the Saucy broth

house t*rture that turnip Crush that

carrot pulverize that pumpkin it's time

to break some artichoke

hearts we're mixing we're stirring we're

straining get stuck into a beefy oxtail

or swallow hard on M

it's hot it's strong it's

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[Applause]

steaming this competitions are marvelous

very rarely one has the opportunity to

meet the junior members it's wonderful

that the barriers between the Junior and

the senior members are lowed a little so

we can get to know each other better

[Applause]

I'd love to write

her good day to you Miss

Lacy for some it is a good day for I

no I am

Melancholy no Sut has called upon my

father to inquire of the possibility of

walking out with me perhaps I have the

solution to your melancholic episode

Miss lazyy pray tell sir I recently the

return from the Orient in the business

of her majesty is a place of mystical

treasure and have you any of these

Treasures about you sir indeed I do miss

Lacy a medicinal draft known in China as

opium may I present the toking pipe

my head is like a carousel spinning

merrily round and

round sir I trust I will not take a

Whitey that opium stimulates the libido

does your libido feel stimulated Miss

Lacy most richly Mr masteron my leg I

fear I could bite off let us hasten to

the old boat house I have a powerful

desire to rest my ankles in the rxs yes

my pleasure Miss

Lacy

stop

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proceed Q XL F KF fam what's up what's

up what's up what is up it's us by the

way Gavin hilly qxl fkf it was Bonkers

scw here with the traffic in

weather who are you making a we Bonkers

noise sure I'm G because tonight there's

going to be mad Thunder everywhere mad

Thunder like the Bonkers Thunder Cats

mad do you remember the ThunderCats haly

Lio and chera and Tigra and panro mad

and oh snarf he was really cute we

Bonkers Thundercat my it was as cute as

Bank poo your bank poo Bonkers you

that's Bonkers that's M that's Bonkers

mine that's the traffic in weather

meow you know sometimes I wonder if life

is a disease and the cure for life is

death that be a scunner wouldn't it

hello there doctor I'm not feeling too

well what is your

diagnosis well Mrs mcf I'm afraid to

tell you that you're suffering for a

severe case of living oh and is there

any cure for that Affliction doctor

there is Mr mcfadin a away and

die not very inspiring is it mind you

the last GP I had committed sideways so

that's got to be the ultimate case of

doct doctor cure

thyself what it the booty say again all

life is

suffering I certainly agreed with that

notion when I was watching Home and Away

the other day although with that aussy

trash in mind maybe all life is

suffing you jump on the board you get

into the waves you fall off you get back

on and you ride out the big scary

b*stards as best you

can but inevitably we all succumb to

that water

end which is why you need to keep your

bathroom cabinet well stocked with

suppositories did you get what I'm

saying check

her oh she's quite

a I'd love to reel her

in stick more than a hook in

her got hold of

my i' love her to go fishing in my

flies good afternoon

hi lovely bitter

[Laughter]

TR

David

David David J Jane what is it

Jane David they Tri we were having sex

really

yes how horrid I'll go and make up the

bed in the spare

room whoever it was had the idea for a

Christian version of trivial Pursuits

should be S out oh come on roll the dice

as if you were roll in a big stain away

from the M of a sacred cave

oh here that's two six is the all

Pauline better not get another one or

we'll all think you're possessed don't

say that

Liz now I'll take scriptures okay who

ordered John the Baptist's decapitation

what's that mean oh who ordered for him

to get his head cut off M she wanted it

saved up in a

plate oh I know oh I think I know this

was it

salami all that's close enough H that's

your fish oh wait a minute

salami you're not going to give her a

fish for thinking that John the Baptist

was k*lled by an Italian sausage are you

it was salomi we salami salomi do they

matter there you goe there's your fish

oh no no I'll not take it I'll no

deceive others in the eyes of her Lord

well that makes it your turn then King

Solomon

I'll take one on celebrity

Christians which famous Jesus loving

singer was born Harry Webb El

John your Go sir Cliff Richard is the

right answer as you filled your basket

now with two fishes and Five Loaves

You've Won oh what happens now you feed

the 5,000 then you go to heaven you've

been saved Hallelujah I've been saved

well played l m and send is a postcard

for the spirit world let us know what

aor

is i that's if F get saved in

know I'm only kiding you we all get well

I'll be going

together bind us

together together

with that can

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tonight at 11 how professionals make

love this week the cricketer how's that

how's that how's how

how's you are a beautiful flower yes you

are yes you

are oh get lovely long leaves they're

lovely

lovely my precious baby you're so easy

to love with your shape and your color

your

petals so delicate

still strong

and

fleshy hi honey

you going a call

bendy yeah I think so

yeah my dad would have been happy he

came he had a good Innings hey h let

go like folks it's all over

you're

lovely and you lovely

D so uh how you doing Dylan still a bit

sore yeah well you're bound to be you've

just given birth it's quite a thing you

go through

mhm have the uh mention anything about

when you can when we can but

when we can make love

again well the doctor said it be about

two or 3 weeks but he also said I might

go have

sex oh well you try and get some rest

the important thing is that you try and

get your strength

back

see you're not going to sit you door to

the

man all right

sure bye-bye

darling yeah we you ruin and

b*stard limited edition Prime mides

concept nonsense these are the the the

the the the the the these are them

themselves you got any of them I stalk

the them also The Who and indeed the who

did you see you too I think not we beat

it to your mega store

have we decided uh what are the specials

can I recommend the orphaned pork a

medallion of the finest pork taken from

the finest cut of a swine whose parents

were ritually slaughtered in front of

its very eyes in a small farm we find

the Deep sense of loss and delayed sha

confuses the meat

Sessa or perhaps Madame would prefer the

b*stard Triple

Chicken the chicken is raised

deliberately out of where block and fed

on the carcass of another chicken which

itself was fed on the carcass of another

chicken served with illegitimate carrots

and sweet potatoes of dubious

parentage on a Duvy of UNC couscous I'm

not really terribly keen on chicken can

I recommend the g*y shark what's

that it's a g*y

shark on a nest of

MCH well two g*y sharks then please

please yes the g*y shark please A wise

choice but first an

appetizer transexual trout little boy

trout surgically altered to become

little girl

trout one up

te interpretations of

dreams if you dream of a bridge you will

cough

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[Laughter]

hate my

bra hate my bra

cheer

cheer Che get excuse me excuse me can I

buy a [ __ ] off you

please your face

white where's my where's my Easter

kiss a lifted sexy

right oh the CHS

I'm what you doing a green one Mrs carme

hey de girl the the green ones are full

of potato

nutrients that's coming up your wages

and don't think I forgot about that

Fritter you gave that dog last week

that's coming up your wages I all

anything else a pain milk

sweetheart de girl how many times you to

be told you take a milk from the back of

the

fridge this is working out to girl

you're fired s go but I was sving up for

my big sister's birthday get you under I

on and go

he up can have a king RB s up please

girl where you going get back here rap

up man's King

RB cite Paul good to finally meet you

have you been waiting long no it's fine

well I'm sorry I'm late I was drowning

some puppies

but SL up that should he

[Applause]

have wow

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what's a pie

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Dar this is brilliant Robert you're

throwing toast on the floor but

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watch sorry

David David you're stiff you're stiff I

can feel it rubbing against

me I'm so sorry Jane I'll go and take

Rufus for a toddle around the garden get

some fresh air that usually does the

trick I'll make up the bed in the spare

room yes that's probably the best idea

all set

Jennifer I don't know Mr Ry I'm a bit

nervous oh yes well I'm sure as long as

you've done your revision thoroughly

you'll sail through with flying

colors I don't think I'll pass I'm not

that clever not as clever as you

anyway come now Jennifer I think you're

being a bit hard on yourself yeah but

you're a clevy cloy brain box

yes well Jennifer I have been teaching

for a number of years now could you do

it for

me what could you set my exam for me

that would be

[Laughter]

awesome I don't think so

please

please please

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