03x08 - Toons from the Crypt

[bunniefuu]

We're tiny We're toony We're all our

little loonies And in this cartoony,

we're invading your TV We're comic

dispatchers We've cut the ball with

sensors On I'm a two adventures get a

dose of comedy So here's at the Acres,

it's a whole wide world apart Our homes,

we only stand alone The cartoon works of

artWe're restricted, expect the

unexpected Our tiny tune adventure's just

about to chart They're furry, they're

funny They're fast and bust their bunny

Machella batch has money Now my wreck is

a pain He's husband, that's lucky

Disney Devil, yucky Purple's on yucky

And go-go is insane And at the

university we earn our tune degree It's a

teaching test I'm getting last since 1938

We're tiny, we're students We're all a

little loony

Welcome, kiddies, for a selection of

cartoons so ghoulishly

gruesome, we should only call them

Toons from the Crypt.

I've brought out some real screamers

tonight, starting off with this

blood-curdling tale of a panicked pig,

which I call Wait Till Your

Father Gets Even.

Gee, Hampton, you're a natural. It's

just beginner's luck. No, really! You're

the best Jax player I've ever seen!

I wish I could handle the ball the way

you do. Magic!

Golly, I'm really not doing anything

special. Hey, do you think we could play

one more game? Unless you have my halo.

Oh, I couldn't take... Oh, well, if you

couldn't take it, we could, um... what's

the word, uh... bet for it?

You'll be... Gamble?

Oh, no, no no. Just a friendly little

wager. Um, you know, my halo

for your, um... your dad's bottle cap

collection. Dad's collected them since he

was a kid. They're priceless. He'd be...

really angry with me. Sure, I

understand. You're probably just saying

that so I won't lose my halo and go home

crying. You're a pal.

no, it's just... Then we have a bet!

Ladies and gentlemen, the game is jazz.

Winner take all!

I win! Thanks.

Just call me a lucky duck Just call

me a lucky duck Just call me a

lucky duck And I'll call you a

SHUCKER!

How can I face my dad?

He'll be so disappointed.

That's what I get for gambling. Now I

know how Pete Rose feels.

At least my mom will understand.

You did what?

How could you?

Just march yourself right up to your

room. Forget

about dinner, young man.

Wait till your father gets home.

oh I'm

doomed. I

lost your bottle cap collection. Can you

forgive me?

Have you any coal? Any server?

Tupperware? No.

I-I've nothing at all. Nothing?

How about your self-respect?

Not even that. You see,

I've dishonored my dad.

Horrors. It's true.

I gambled with his trust.

And I'd lost. Even in the

wild, we have honor among thieves.

You have shamed your father, and you

shall be punished. Roast him!

I say... ROAST

HIM! Nooooo!!!

Dad! No, Wade,

don't be too hard on him. Now, now,

Winnie. I know what I'm doing. Well, if

you're bad enough already. Just let me

take care of this. Boop.

Son, can I have a word with you?

Please forgive me, please! I'll

never gamble again. I promise. I don't

want to get roasted by boars. Whoa,

son. Those bottle caps meant a lot to me.

I was hoping to give them to you, just

like my father gave them to me.

Let's hope you've learned your lesson,

son.

Say, this new collection is looking

better than the first. Ready, men?

Tops off, bottoms up.

Yes, I know it's not the fiendishly

frightening finale we usually run in

these stories, for Hampton all ended

happily. But Plucky's folks took a

slightly harsher view of his

gambling.

But that's another story.

Welcome back, Shriek Freaks. You're just

in time to watch me feed the birds.

Aren't they the cutest things? Of

course, no and then a bad siege comes

along to spoil it for the others.

Namely, Concord the

Kindly Condor.

Concord the kindly Connor is the

friendliest bird you bet He may

look weird but don't be a fear He just

wants to be a vet

Concord, the kindly clutter helps all

animals in pain. His brothers

think he's such a kink and treat him with

disdain.

He always says, Nope, nope, he's

such a funny creature. You

might think he's a dope But he'd never,

ever, ever eat ya Some

bird, he's a greedy slob But there's no

one of whom will plunder Then that

friend to animals everywhere Concord to

kindly condor

Okay, Geek, let's run through this one

more time. You are a condor,

right? Yup, yup, yup.

And condors are always looking for

weak and sickly animals, right?

Oh, yup, yup, yup. Ooh, and look,

what do I spy? Why, it's a little

squirrel with a broken tail. You

know what to do, right? Uh,

yup. So do it!

Squirrel loaf for dinner, boy.

Here's a little something for later.

Knock it off!

Hello? Hello! Get this through your

head, Dicko. Condors don't help weak

and sickly animals. We eat 'em!

See? It's right here in the third book.

And I quote, Condors prey on the

weak and sickly, unquote.

Appallin'. You're

gonna make like a real condor, whether

you want to or not! Now, who's scared of

just some lunch?

Nope, nope, nope. I ain't gonna do it.

I'm a veterinarian, and I refuse to eat

my patients.

It would compromise the doctor-patient

relationship.

oh well hello there young feller

did you bring my room at his medicine

yup yup yup right here mr. elk oh

you're a good boy Concord

oh nope nope nope weren't nothing

hey all right the wimp got an elk

y'all better look out once his medicine

kicks inWhat's he

gonna do? Hit us with his walker?

Me and my big feet.

This will be easy. While Lado gets the

little Pipstick's attention, we'll sneak

around and grab one of his patients.

Now be sure and use that ointment twice a

day. Yes, sir. Oh, oh,

I hurt it, my little paw. I hurt it,

my little paw. Hmm

Too bad there's only enough for me.

Hey, don't be so doggone greedy!

Hey, save some for me!

You forgot your lollipop, Mr.

Raccoon. Hey,

cough him up!

For shame, for shame, picking on a poor,

helpless baby. And him with a bad

case of poison ivy, too.

Hmm. Stuck, huh? I'll get some ice

to bring the swelling down.

Yeah, we'll take care of the poor

stuck chipmunk. Nah,

it ain't a chipmunk. It feels more like a

possum. Nah, it's a ground squirrel.

I'll b*tch you anything. Ugh,

fellers. There's something you should

know. Quiet, geek! One more

yank and we got

it! Ohh You You want a

lollipop or something?

Now, don't you think it makes sense to

have a vet in the family? Okay,

you can be a vet, I guess.

Now, let me give you something I give all

my patients. A lollipop?

Oh, nope, nope, nope. Bye,

bells.

Who says I don't prey on the weak and

sickly? Yuck, yuck.

Oh, looks like Concord's brothers had

quite a come down, eh, kitties?

I guess it's true what they say. Birds of

a feather flop together. And

coming up next, a real bit of

horror. A commercial!

And now it's time for the Mr. Skull Land

Show! Yay! Hey, Mr. Skull Land!

Get some skin! Ooh

Hi-h*, Tombsters! Next up, a

ditzy dweeb gets hers in a cute and

cuddly tail titled Night

of the Living Pets.

Goodbye, Goldie, my poor little fishy.

Where did I go wrong? I fed you,

washed you, and took you

for long walks, and

still you ended up like all the others.

Poor Moosey.

Poor little Boo-Boo.

Poor Flicka.

I'm sorry you're gone. I wish I

could see you all one more time.

Hey.

A little cuddly what everyone's

in.

Phew! Phew!

Get pooped!I think somebody

needs a bath! In fact, you could

all use a good scrub-down!

This is the way we wash our pets Wash our

pets, wash our pets This is the way we

wash our pets Because they're dead and

rotting and decaying

Oh, Lumpkin!You never could

keep your coat clean.

Nasty. Who's

next?

Wait! Come back! Come back!

Come back! Back!

Huh?

Yeah. Thank goodness it was only a

dream! I was so

scared! That was kind of

fun to see all my old cuddly-wonderlies

again!

Hold on, you cute petsy-witties!

Amira's coming to play!

Yuck!Even I don't eat that

crazy ending! I'd better get while the

getting's good! See you next time,

Tombsters!

Let the show begin!