02x06 - Toon Physics

[bunniefuu]

We're tiny We're toony We're all our

little loomies And in this cartoony we're

invading your TV We're comic

dispatchers We crack the ball of the

sensors On I'm a true adventures in a

dose of comedy So here's recreators

just a whole wide world apart Our homes

only stand alone, a cartoon worth of art

We're rejected, expect the unexpected Our

tiny Toon adventure's just about too

sharp They're free, they're funny

They're thousand bustin' bunny Montana

matches money Now my wreck is a pain

He's hunting, that's lucky Disney, devil,

yucky Furballs are lucky and Go-Go

is insane And at New University we

earn our toon degree That's the teaching

facts I'm getting last since 1933 We're

tiny, we're Sydney We're all the little

loonyCome and join the

fun And now our song is

done This is our universe.

Billions of planets and stars all bound

together by one force.

Dumb sight gags. I'm Orson Wales, and

the subject of today's show is Toon

Physics. Physics?Yuck!

That sounds too much like school. I'm

gone. Here is a classic

example. In real life, an anvil is much

too heavy to lift and drop on an

unsuspecting duck. But in a cartoon,

multiple anvils can be dropped on Plucky,

causing him no pain whatsoever. No

pain, he says. Geez. Let's

look at another example called the Big

Bang Theory. In real life, this expl*si*n

may have formed our universe millions of

years ago. But under the laws of tuned

physics, the Big Bang Theory takes on a

whole new meaning.

And the meaning is, the duck gets blown

to smithereens!

Star light, star bright First

star I see tonight I wish I

may, I wish I might Have that's

what I wish tonight I

wish my pretty Barbette doll Was a

real-life little girl And my best friend

forever and ever Please tonight

Did he play the sugar on it?

Umm

When you dream upon a

bean Makes no deal

Ew, a c*ck rose. I hate itchy

creepy buggy-wuggy.

Oh, cute.

Good night, Barbie. You're my

bestest friend in the whole wide world.

Ah, yes. The quaint custom of wishing

upon a star. The laws of physics tell us

that a star is actually a giant mass of

incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear

furnace where hydrogen is smashed into

helium at temperatures of millions of

degrees. In real life, wishing upon a

star would be fruitless. It would burn

your wishes into cosmic dust, and you'd

be left with squadoo.

However, in tune physics, wishing upon a

star will get you whatever your heart

desires, and the end result?

Pure fire comic hijinks.

Who butchered my hair?

Figures. Get a load of the mops she's

wearing. Girly! Yoo-hoo!

Rise and shine! Ohh

My dream has come true!

Aren't you special?And don't you forget

it, uh, Emily, right?

No, silly, Elmira,

E-L-M. Whatever, get up, I'm

bored.

This is the way we brush our teeth so

early in the morning.

Now it's your turn, little precious

pretty face. That's

disgusting, Elvira. I want my own

toothbrush.

I'm fine. You're a very

odd little girl. I am?Time to

get

dressed. Let's put on our bestest

party dresses, okay?

Now you! I made these all by

myself. Isn't this

precious?Doll

clothes?I hate it, hate it, hate!

Look, no offense, Myra, but look at me.

Would you wear doll's clothing if you had

this body?It's Elmira.

E-L-M. That's not important! I want

designer clothes! You twit. Labels

like Chanel, not Fontel. Faberge, not

Fisher-Price. Fashion from Paris, not

Sesame Street. Nespa.

You're so pretty. Yeah, I know.

When I grow up, I want to be pretty just

like you. Don't hold your breath,

okay?I'm beautiful, you're not. My nose

is perfect, yours is like a doorknob.

I suppose someday you'll grow out of this

homely stage you're in now, and you'll

probably end up looking like your

grandmother with wrinkles and gobs of

cellulite. Whereas I will

never age, I'll always be beautiful.

Oh, no. You brought

me to life, kiddo. Things better shape up

around this dump or you're shipping out

of here. Starlight

Star Bright, please take back that

stinky butt wish I wished last night.

I have a new one. Please make

my Barbette doll just the same as my

other dolls. Thank you.

Hey, Carly!

Hi, mommy! Hey, I need you too!

Give me the key!

This is a black hole. In real physics,

it's a dead star that pulls any matter

toward it by exerting billions of pounds

of pressure. which is roughly half the

force exerted by Elmira when she hugs her

pet. In Toon

Physics, we find a different kind of

black hole. It's called Dizzy Devil's

Mouth. How

embarrassing.

Excuse me, Mr. Cub Scout Leaderman, sir.

Is this where the Cub Scout bus is going

to come to take us to Camp Rage and Eagle

Egg Hopi-Wigwan, sir?Is it all?Uh-huh

Ah, yes, young fella. Just skit in line.

Now remember, when we get there, each cub

will team up with an older explorer scout

and spend the night in the woods learning

survival techniques.

I am a competent who I try. I always

clean up my campsite. I make sure my fire

is stopped just to fool and rest up

stuff. I am prepared to do my best and

lend a hand to help the rest.

Hey, give me my hat back!He took mypants.

All you cubs pick your older Explorer

Scout to team up with.

Oh, gosh, gee, my more experienced

leader, sir. You picked me, huh, huhYou

like little almighty's like me, huh

So what are we going to do first?

You wanna cook dinner, sir?

According to the manual, the first thing

we do at a campsite is set up by a

special Cub Scout pop-up tent.

Here you are, one more experienced than

me, Scout sir.

Well, the tent's up. Yep, it is.

But according to the manual, the tent

should be around you, not in you.

Arr. Now, sir, that the tent is up. It's

time for our k*ller!

up, but wouldn't you?This is an

exemplary example of the kinetic

molecular theory of gases. In real

physics, helium would be needed to make a

balloon rise. In Furball's case,

any old gas will do. For comedy's sake,

a can of baked beans might have been

funnier.

For dinner, we could have something fried

in a light pesto sauce. Or

maybe we could barbecue, but we shouldn't

use any of that charcoal lighter floor

'cause it reads other Grandma Bozo there.

I'll make those p... p... p...

This is an ideal representation of Toon

thermodynamics. In real physics,

Furball's charred remains would need to

be buried in a dignified setting. In the

Toon world, Furball will reconstruct

himself and appear virtually undamaged.

That is comedy, or so I'm told.

Good night, sir, who is inexplicably no

longer wearing his uniform. Sorry, I

sneezed you into the part of my repatch.

Uh oh, it's a

wild and dangerous forest creature.

Good thing I shut my trap. I caught

him, I caught him!

No one fixed up his nut pine.

Don't worry, Mr. Explorer Scout, sir.

I know all about first aid.

Time we head back to the bus. Mm-hm,

mm-hm, mm-hm.

Oh, gee, I guess you know a shortcut.

I am a cousin and you will try and always

clean up my guest night.

Hey, this will miss the bus, will ya?It's

where we're a little more experienced

Explorer Scout teacher, trying to catch

up with us.

You know a moth scout must always be

prepared.

Especially when your scout leader is a

hungry kitty.

Albert Einstein once stated that no

matter how fast an object traveled, it

could never exceed the speed of light. A

light bulb, get it?This is a tune

interpretation of Einstein's theory of

relativity. Bonk I'll show

you some toony relativity!

None for me, Zanks. It gives me gas.

Every year, Plucky and I decide who the

star of the yearbook is by who gets their

picture in the yearbook the most. The

loser suffers the humiliation of the

winner's choice. Same

wager as last year, Featherface! You've

got it, buddy breath!This year, I've

got a secret strategy.

I'm the yearbook editor.

And as my junior assistant associate

editor's helper, your job is to conduct

these interviews, paste up these

articles, design the cover photos, and

order my lunch. And my

job is to take club photos.

And make sure my picture gets in the

yearbook the most.

Lucky, you can't be in our photo. You're

not even in the drama club.

Read 'em in weeks, sister.

You dirty cheater. You joined every club

for one day just to beat me out. All

perfectly legal. Nothing you can do to

deny me a photo sh**t. Okay. You

want to play it that way?Here's your

script. Hmm, the wild

duck. I like it already.

Hmm

This wild duck is cheating. He

must apply thee shock terity.

Come on, come on, start the meeting. I've

got 14 more club photos today.

Today's philosophical discussion is

Plato's famous cartoon violin

series.

You just made that up.

I'll take my Magic Club photo before Babs

gets here.

Glad you could make it, Plucky! And

now, the famous disappearing head trick!

At this point, I thought we might all

take a moment out to consider the meaning

of life. I prefer to believe that all

living things were descended from the

Brussels sprouts. How about you?Well,

that's one way to get ahead.

Now for the gymnastics club photo. Look

at me! I'm Mary Lou

Babs, is there any club you're not a

member of?Yeah, the Auto

Club. Time for your workout!

And for all this work, my well-earned

reward. Junior Assistant Associate

Editor's Helper, Hampton J. Pig.

Hammy did a pretty good job. I'll just

make a few edits to ensure my victory.

I'll just replace this one, and this one,

and this one, and this one, and this one.

Okay, okay, so it's cheating. But my

personal glory is at stake here. The

yearbooks are back for the printer! I got

cut out, I got cut out!

Don't worry, Hampton. Lucky'll get his at

the photo count-off tonight.

Hello, Tootsters. This is the moment

we've all been waiting for, the annual

yearbook photo count-off, to see who got

their picture of it the most.

Are the contestants ready?Uh-huhThen let

the count-off begin. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,













Three hundred and two. They both got the

same. Do the judges agree

that it's a tie?A tie?

After all, I went through! No way!

After all, you went through...

cheating! Wait a minute. The judges are

recounting. It may not be a tie after

all. I knew

it! I knew I miscounted!

And the winner with 604

pictures is... the kid in

the orange hat!

I don't believe this!

They're right. He's in the background of

every picture. At this point, I thought

it important to interrupt for

interruption's sake. I get paid more for

every line I say.

Thank you. The yearbook's not just for

seeing how many times you can get your

picture in it. What kind of

eagle-maniac needs their picture of the

yearbook 302 times just to

win a bet?I just wanted to teach these

two a lesson, and I think I did.

What do you think, kids?What?Why

you?Come on, Leah, I'm

getting it.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.