01x18 - Hit Me with Your Best Bot

[bunniefuu]

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

What should we call our robot?
Crushbot 2000? Crushbot 3000?

I got it. Big Bonker.

I was thinking Snuggletron.

Snuggletron?

We're naming a battle robot,
not a stuffed bunny. [chuckles]

I know that.

Besides, my stuffed bunny
already has a name.

It's Big Bonker.

Oh, there you are.
I've been looking for you guys everywhere.

We've been out here all morning.

Okay. [chuckles] Maybe I slept in,
and this is the first place I looked.

So, what you doing?

Building our bot for the Robot Rumble.

-Can I help?
-Sure.

We just did a burn-in,

and we're trying to figure out
why the actuator isn't connecting

to the articulated manipulator.

[gulps] Cool. Cool. I see.

Maybe our tools are triggering
the enabling device,

and it's messing
with the joint servo command.

You know, I bet that's it.
That sounds right.

Or the optical proximity sensors
are misfiring,

and the CPU
can't process the data properly.

Or maybe it's because that doodad there

isn't connected to this thingamajig.

Think it's that?

I don't.

Oh, guys, if it's not working, I can help.

No, no, we can fix it ourselves.

-Yeah, with magic.
-No, with our knowledge.

Of magic.

No.

We should just take
the whole thing apart.

But-- But that'll take forever.

Come on. Let me help. It's not a problem.

Billie, seriously, we're good.
We don't want to use magic.

Fine. Then I guess I should go.

All right, cool. See you later.

I mean, if you don't want to use magic,

there's no reason
for me to stay. [chuckles]

Bye, have a great day.

But once I'm gone, I'm gone.

We fully understand.
Thank you for stopping by.

[♪ theme song playing]

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want ♪

♪ By the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

-♪ What it seems ♪
-[♪ theme music concludes]

I can't believe they don't want my help.

Roman and Winter won't let you
build the robot either, huh?

They left you out too?

Yep. You pitch one exploding robot arm,

and suddenly,
you're "going to hurt someone."

An exploding robot arm?
That's an awesome idea.

I've got a ton more where that came from.

Picture this. Exploding robot face.

I like it. I like it.

But do you have anything
that doesn't blow up?

Of course I do.
I've read every robot comic book.

I've seen every sci-fi movie.

You know, if you and I teamed up
to build a robot,

we'd dominate that Robot Rumble.

You're right. Who's gonna stop
a robot with an exploding face?

Feels like he'd stop himself,

you know, when his face explodes.

Yeah, it is a design flaw,
but what a way to go.

[♪ upbeat rock music plays,
fades]

A dash of dried bat wings,
a clump of ogre hair,

and a sprinkle of serpent scale.

Expired? Huh.

Those dates are just suggestions.

I'm sure it's not really expired.

[chuckles]

-All right…
-[potion grumbles]

[sniffs] Oh! Oh! Why did I smell it?

[groans] It's expired.
That's definitely expired.

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

Hey, love. [sighs] I'll be right back.

I have to go to the wizard market.

Ooh, you know, we're out
of bananas. Could you grab some?

Giada, it's a wizard market.

So, no bananas?

Actually, I don't know.

I've never looked
because it's a wizard market.

I'm just going there
for some serpent scale.

I'll use it in a potion
to keep Billie safe.

Oh, well, you know, I have a great idea.

Why don't I come with you?

Giada! That is a great idea

'cause then, it won't just be an errand.
It'll be a date.

-Exactly. A date.
-[Justin] Mm.

But because it's also an errand,
let me grab my reusable bags.

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

This is all the inspiration we need

to make an awesome robot.

Comic books, action figures,
and a few drawings

my art teacher called nightmarish.

Ugh! She wasn't kidding.

I know. Mom and Dad got a letter.

So, how does this work?

Well, we just throw a bunch
of stuff into the cauldron,

cast a spell, and bam, we built a robot.

Well, technically, magic built the robot.

Yeah, but we're gonna take all the credit.

I like the way you think.

-So, we can add whatever we want?
-Pretty much.

We're gonna need a bigger cauldron.

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

Oh! [chuckles] Wow.

This place is amazing. [gasps]
Did you see the magic beans?

Oh, we should have bought the magic beans.

Giada, first rule of the wizard market,
you never buy the magic beans.

Why? 'Cause the giants?

No, they're just really overpriced.

Also, there are things
in here that can be dangerous,

so just be careful what you touch.

[scoffs] Justin, I was born
on Black Friday.

-I think I know how to shop.
-[laughs]

Okay, I'm gonna go find my serpent scale.

Take a look around, enjoy,

and I'll meet you back
at the coffee shop for our date.

-[gasps] Can't wait. [chuckles]
-[chuckles]

[inhales] Okay. Hi. [giggles]

-Serpent scale, serpent scale…
-[Cyclops sighs]

Huh. I wond-- Ooh!

Oh, I am so sorry, sir.
I didn't see you there.

[laughs sarcastically]
Didn't see me there

'cause I'm a cyclops.

No, no, no, no, no. I…
I didn't mean it that way.

I would… I would never mean it that way.

Here, let me… let me help you. [sighs]

Oh, my eye! [groans] It's okay.
It's okay. I have another one.

[gasps]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
That… that was not a joke

about your one eye.

I know we're at a wizard market,
but you, sir…

[gasps, breathes shakily]
…are a monster.

-Uh, but I-- [grunts]
-Monster!

[♪ dramatic rock music plays, fades]

Ooh, this robot has laser eyes.
Let's do those.

This guy has a force field
that can deflect anything.

Ooh, force field. Force field sounds cool.

You know what? Also, he should
be as strong as ten tigers.

-I got two.
-Two tigers it is.

Ooh! And he should be able to toast stuff.

How's he gonna toast stuff?

-I don't know. Spell will figure it out.
-Eh.

Wait. Are we making this robot too crazy?

Billie,

you and me, we're dreamers. Visionaries.

We think outside the box.

-What box?
-[whispers] Exactly.

Well, all right. Let's do this.

[exhales] Magic and science,
be in cahoots.

Create a robot that beeps and boops.

[whirring]

We shall call him Boltron.

No, wait! Michael Jr. No, wait! Dennis.

Let's go with Boltron.

Let's see what he can do.
Give him a command.

Boltron, destroy the competition.

Specifically, Roman and Winter.

[both chuckle]

[Boltron] Destroy the competition.

Specifically, Roman and Winter.

You know, Milo,

we make a great team.
Why don't we hang out more?

I think they keep us apart on purpose.

They know what we're capable of.

They're not wrong.

[♪ dramatic musical sting]

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

Just as I suspected,

we're going to dominate this Robot Rumble.

You think?

They always have battery issues.

Their controller gets glitchy,

and, uh, that's just a robot
vacuum with googly eyes.

[whirs]

Do you think we should have let Billie
come with us?

Winter, this is our thing.

Billie would hate it.

Come on, could you seriously
imagine her at a Robot Rumble?

-Actually, I can.
-W-- Why?

-She's right over there.
-Of course she is.

-Hey, guys.
-[sighs] What are you two doing here?

Well, we just came to say good luck.

Aw, that's sweet.

'Cause you're going down.

Less sweet.

We're entering the competition, too.

But Milo doesn't even go to this school.

Uh, I don't know who Milo is,

but this totally not fake student ID

says I'm an eighth
grader named Kirk Tracy.

You guys don't seriously think
you can do this?

Watch us.

See you in there.

That's how they want to play?
Then, that's how we'll play.

Let's go kick some bots.

How long you been working on that?

Longer than I'm comfortable admitting.

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

Oh, see? I knew this place
would have bananas.

Huh, Wizard World's
not so weird. [chuckles]

[gasps] Ooh, fairy lotion.

Don't mind if I do.

Oh, that is nice. [chuckles]
Tingly. [giggles]

Kind of itchy.

Now, kind of burny.
Hm. Not loving this. [chuckles]

Um…

Um…

[gasps]

[shouts] This is not great!

-[breathes heavily]
-[♪ dramatic musical sting]

Oh, no!

[stammers] Hello! Hello, excuse me.

I think your fairy lotion
is mislabeled because…

[groans] …I'm a troll!

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

I know you guys
are new to this whole robot battle thing,

but, um, you need to actually
bring the robot to the battle.

He's here. He'll come in when he wants.

-When he wants?
-You don't really rush Boltron.

-[floor thuds]
-Gulp.

Did you just say "gulp"?

You used magic to build a robot.

No, we didn't.

Yeah, right!

You've never built a robot before,

and you've gotten your hair caught
in an electric toothbrush four times.

Uh, the fourth time was on purpose.

It tickles. [chuckles]

Okay, fine. We used magic.

But I don't know
what you're so worried about.

You said you didn't need magic, remember?

You wanted to use your knowledge.

I'm not worried.

This is a totally normal amount
of pit sweat for the situation.

-[countdown chiming]
-[robots whirring]

I am Winter, destroyer of bots!

Sorry, that was the bloodlust talking.

But also not sorry! This is w*r!

[toaster dings]

So much for Boltron. [sighs]
I mean, come on. Toast?

That's the best you got?

[Boltron whirring]

Gulp.

[♪ dramatic instrumental music playing]

-Hey, Roman, you worried yet?
-[voice cracks] No.

And that voice crack was age-related,

not fear-related.

[Boltron] Destroy.

Destroy.

Destroy. Destroy.
Destroy. Destroy.

Destroy the competition,
specifically Roman and Winter.

[♪ music intensifies]

[♪ music stops]

Snuggletron!

Your robot's name is Snuggletron?

[gasps] Our robot's name was Snuggletron.

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

Salamander salt, scarab wings.
Ah! Serpent scale!

I was starting to think
I wouldn't find it.

[chuckles] Oh!

-You?
-You.

It wasn't enough for you
to make a bunch of mean jokes?

You've gotta show up
and vandalize my shop?

I was just trying
to buy some serpent scale.

Well, we're fresh out.

I'm literally holding a bottle of it.

I mean, we're fresh out
of serpent scale for jerk bags,

you jerk bag.

Listen, I am so sorry about earlier.

And just now.

This has been a series
of unfortunate misunderstandings.

If you would just let me buy
the serpent scale,

-I will be out of your hair.
-Oh!

So, we're making bald jokes now.

No!

Okay, look, I just need
the serpent scale, please. It's important.

[sighs] Well, since you said please, no!

Fine. I'm sure someone else in this market
must have some serpent scale.

I'm sure you'll find some.
Just keep your eyes peeled.

Oh! [chuckles] Now,
who's making eye jokes, huh?

It wasn't a joke. It was a suggestion.

I am so sorry…

[whispers] I'm just gonna go.

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

[♪ music fades]

Well… [exhales] …this is all
that's left of Snuggletron.

[inhales] I'm gonna go recycle her
in the e-waste bin in the quad.

It's what she would've wanted.

I suppose you're pretty proud
of yourselves.

Uh, duh. We won.

You do realize people worked really hard
on those bots, right?

So did we!

It took us 20 whole minutes
to build Boltron.

Yeah, and I got a papercut
from the comic books.

You know, we all made sacrifices, Roman.

No, you didn't.

You used a shortcut to avoid
the work and ruined everything.

Magic isn't a shortcut.

Uh, everyone spent weeks
building their robots,

and you made yours
in 20 minutes with a wand.

Okay, when you put it that way,
it sounds a little like a shortcut.

-[groans] We need to lock the doors!
-What's with you?

[Boltron] Destroy the competition!

What's with him?

I don't know. He just started chasing
me down the hallway yelling--

[Boltron] Destroy the competition!

That!

Billie, what did you do?

I told him to destroy the competition,

but I didn't think
he would take it literally.

He's a robot! Everything is literal!

[wand chimes, resonates]

[groans] Since when does he have
a force field?

Since you threw that action figure
into the cauldron and said,

"Ooh, force field.
A force field sounds cool."

Your magic doesn't work on him.
What do we do now?

-[Boltron whirs]
-Run!

[♪ ominous instrumental music playing]

[Milo grunts]

How many tigers do you think
these door can keep out?

I don't know. One?

Oh, man, I was really hoping
you'd say three.

[♪ music concludes]

[♪ dramatic rock music plays, fades]

Guys, don't panic.
As long as these doors hold,

we can always start
a new society in the gym.

We just need food, water,

and maybe some curtains
to liven up the place.

Boltron's not gonna stop.

Because you guys programmed him
to destroy us.

Yeah, I'm hearing a lot of accusations,

but not a lot of solutions, Roman.

If I can't use my magic,
what are we gonna do?

[♪ heroic instrumental music playing]

We'll have to use the magic of science.

[chuckles] Okay. As a wizard,
I'm telling you that's not a thing.

We have all the parts
from the bots Boltron destroyed.

We can use them to build
a robot to protect us.

Like a superbot! Dibs on naming him.

We're calling him Superbot.

But how are we gonna do this?
He'll be here in like five minutes.

Then we better get started.

[♪ heroic music intensifies]

[♪ music concludes]

Wow. It's amazing
how fast you can build something

when you're terrified.

He's incredible.

Incredible enough to beat Boltron?

[door thuds]

[Boltron whirs]

We're about to find out.

[♪ dramatic rock music plays, fades]

Oh, no! Justin!

Okay, the fairy at the booth
said it only lasts an hour,

so I just have to keep him
from seeing me until it wears off.

-Excuse me.
-[Giada gasps]

Sorry to bother. Uh, do you know
where I could find some serpent scale?

No. [clears throat]

[in deep voice]
No, no serpent scale here.

Might want to try one of those stalls
on the other side of the market.

Way, way on the other side. [grunts]

You know,

you sound kind of familiar.

[gasps]

Have we met before?

[Giada in normal voice]
Um, no. No, we haven't.

Um, I think I would have remembered you.

You're not even looking at me.

Well, I am now, and I've never
seen you before in my life.

It's so funny. My wife,

she was wearing that exact
same skirt this morning

and actually, the sweater, too.

And wedding ring,
which is a family heirloom.

Giada! Whoa!

Okay. Don't freak out.

[stammers] What happened?

Well, on the upside,
I found the bananas. [chuckles]

But on the downside,

I tried a lotion that turned me
into a troll.

You said you'd be careful!

I know, I know. But don't worry.
It only lasts an hour.

So, you know, you go shop,
and I'll go terrorize some villagers.

Giada, this is the Wizard World.

No one here is afraid of trolls…

-[sighs]
-…unless you're a cyclops.

Wait. Trolls and cyclopses,

they are mortal enemies. This is perfect!

Perfect? I'd like to direct
your attention to my face.

Exactly. Your terrifying troll face

is the solution to my problem.

Not terrifying. Beautiful.
Beautifully… terrifying…

to cyclopses, not to me.

I'd marry you again in a heartbeat.

You have a problem with a cyclops?

Let's just say this trip
to the Wizard Market

has not been without incident. [sighs]

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

Roman, remember, you were chosen
for this battle for a reason.

-I was the only one who fit in the suit.
-And that's the reason.

[Boltron whirs] Destroy the competition.

[♪ tense instrumental music playing]

Don't hurt Boltron! He's just scared!

-He's scared?
-[Boltron whirs]

Nope!

-What are you doing?
-Cowering, just like you!

-What is he doing?
-Cowering, just like me!

[Boltron] Destroy! [whirs]

He's gonna squash us like Snuggletron!

[♪ music turns heroic]

This is for Snuggletron!

-Great job, Roman!
-All I'm doing is ducking!

Well, keep doing it!

Yes, Roman, keep punching!

Oh, no, that's bad.

No, it's great.
That's supercooled nitrogen.

Roman, use the nitrogen
to freeze his exoskeleton

and compromise its structural integrity.

Yeah. what she said!

Winter, you're a genius.

-Time to kick some bo--
-Roman, let it go.

Okay.

Yeah! [cheers]

I can't believe it! I did it!

Man, I'm gonna be feeling this tomorrow.

You didn't take any hits.

Yeah, but I didn't stretch either.

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

Listen, I just thought
that you should know

there's been a troll sighting
at the market.

-Troll?
-[Giada] I smell a cyclops!

[gasps] There's a troll running
around here,

and nobody thought to tell me?

[gasps] I just told you.

[screams]

-You gotta help me.
-Of course I'll help.

I'd never let
a troll face a cyclops alone.

-I'm not a monster.
-[Cyclops gasps]

Back off, wizard. I'm not here for you.

I won't let you hurt him.

[both grunt, yell]

[both grunt, yell]

[yells] Let me go!

Only if you leave in peace.

[whispers] Great work. Meet you
back at the coffee shop in an hour.

-[whispers] Yeah. [shouts]
-[shouts]

Thank you. Thank you so much.
But why'd you help me?

Because only a jerk bag
would stand by and do nothing

while someone needed him.
And I, sir, am no jerk bag.

[sighs] Here, take the serpent scale.

-Oh! [laughs]
-It's yours.

Oh? Oh? Oh. [laughs] Oh…

[sighs] Just go…

J-- Just-- Just go.

[♪ dramatic rock music plays, fades]

Well, I don't think we'll be doing
another Robot Rumble for a while.

-Nope.
-That was way too dangerous.

Also, I'm pretty sure
my dad's gonna ban them forever

after he sees what Boltron did
to the basketball cart.

Guys, listen. I grew up
using magic for everything.

So, I never thought of it as a shortcut
because it's just how wizards do things.

But it wasn't fair to you guys.

I'm sorry.

It wasn't cool to leave you out.

We should've figured out a way
to include you.

Yeah, I'm sorry, too.

This is a thing Winter and I
always do, just the two of us.

I guess I didn't want to share.

Well, I don't really have
anything to apologize for.

But eighth grader Kirk Tracy

is really sorry for almost
getting you guys squished.

And for tearing up
some of your comic books, Roman.

You tore up my comic books?

No, Kirk Tracy did.
I was very clear about that.

[♪ dramatic rock music plays, fades]

[both chuckle, sigh]

You know, this turned out
to be a pretty great date.

Mm.

And that is the best mocha
I have ever had.

It should be.

That barista's the ghost
of the guy that invented them.

[chuckles]

You know…

you were pretty great
back there with that cyclops.

Aw. Well, you don't get the lead
in the musical

at Camp Willapanacki three years in a row

without having some sparkle.

[laughs] I'm just glad I got
on that cyclops' good side.

They can hold a grudge.

-[chuckles]
-Buddy, you have no idea.

Let me explain. Run!

[♪ dramatic rock music plays, concludes]