01x08 - You Can't Win, Charlie Brown

[bunniefuu]

There are different ways of training

dogs. I've been reading about the shake

and throw method of training puppies.

A mother dog can't hit a puppy, so she

picks it up, shakes it, and then drops

it. I can't believe a

puppy would learn anything from that.

On the other hand, I guess he might learn

a little.

Why do some people think it's funny to

talk about worms while you try and eat

spaghetti?

Why should I play football?I don't want

to get k*lled. Just kick it. Nothing is

going to happen.

Well, sometimes things happen.

Charlie Brown. This is

my brother, Rerun. Can he be on our team?

A little kid like that?How can he help

our team?He doesn't smoke.

This is some team I've got this year. A

beagle at shortstop, a second

baseman with a blanket, and a left

fielder who's still on the bottle. I

don't know, Lucy. I wonder if a little

kid like Rerun should be out in left

field. A fly ball would k*ll him.

Not if he runs from it.

OK, Rerun, this is our first game of the

season. I'm going to let you start in

left field as a favor to your sister.

Just do the best you can. Try not to get

k*lled by a fly ball.

What are we playing for?The Stanley

Cup?Rerun is up

again. Charlie Brown, do you

realize we're about to win our first game

ever?If Rerun gets another walk, we

win. He's so little, they

can't pitch to him.

Everyone's yelling and screaming. We must

be winning the Stanley Cup.

We won! We won, Charlie Brown!

We won our first game ever! We

finally won!We won!

We won! We won! I think I'm going to cry.

We won, shall we, Brown?Come on, let's go

home and celebrate. No, first I have

to wait for the opposing manager to come

over and congratulate me. Every year, I

have to start the season by going over

and congratulating the other manager for

beating us. This year, he has

to come to me. I'm going to wait

right here until he comes over and

congratulates me.

We won our first game of the season.

I can't believe it. I

wonder how the other team feels.

I don't understand. When we lose, I'm

miserable. But when we win, I feel

guilty. Hey, big brother, the

telephone was for you. But I just got to

sleep. It was some man with a deep

voice. I think he said he was the league

president. The league president?

Why would he be calling me?

Hey, the phone isn't even off the hook.

I hung up on him.

Hello. Is this the league president?I'm

sorry we were disconnected. You weren't

disconnected. I hung up on him. Yes, Sir.

We won our first game today. I'm very

happy. He sounded kind of pushy, so I

hung up on him. League headquarters.

They want to see me at league

headquarters. Why don't you just hang up

on him?Yes, Sir. Tomorrow morning at

league headquarters. Yes, Sir. Good

night. So there I was, sound

asleep. Suddenly I get a call from the

league president. And he told you to

report today to league headquarters?Is

that where we're going now?We're

here. This is it. A bicycle

repair shop. That's

class.

Yes, sir. I'm the team manager. And this

is our second baseman, Linus Van Pelt.

And you're the league president?

We're very glad to know you, Sir. You

have a very nice bicycle repair shop

here. One of my great regrets is that

I never got to meet Judge Kenshaw

Mountain Landis.

Something was wrong with our first game,

but we won it, Sir. We won it fair and

square. That's the first game we've ever

won.

You say a group of parents got together.

But why?In all this world,

Charlie Brown, there is nothing more

frightening than getting together of a

group of parents.

Gambling?Gambling?

You're taking away our game because of

gambling?Who in the world would ever have

been on our team?

A gambling scandal?I'm

disgraced.

We have to forfeit the only game we've

ever won. Who did it, Charlie

Brown?Who bet on the game?Your

own stupid baby brother.

Rerun!

Rerun, I'm ashamed of you.

I didn't know I was wrong. I'm new

in the world. Rerun, you

really let me down. I was the

one who talked Charlie Brown into letting

you play. So then you go and get us

involved in a betting scandal. I

only bet a nickel. What else can you do

with a nickel these days?Of

course. I must admit one thing.

You're the first person who ever had the

courage to bet on Charlie Brown's team.

I'll drink to that.

There's one thing I still don't

understand. Rerun bet a nickel that

our team would win. Who did he bet with?

Who bet against us?

Rats, I burn my toast.

Throw it out to the birds. They don't

know the difference.

Some birds do.

Come and see. You're really going to be

impressed.

Well, what do you think?Who is it?

Who is it?It's George Washington.

I made it in honor of his birthday. It's

a masterpiece.

You're just jealous because you couldn't

do one as good, because you didn't think

of it first. Well,

actually, I did do a little something

kind of similar.

I couldn't tell a lie.

You know what you need to do?You need to

learn to obey commands. For example,

when I say heel.

HmmWell, that's hardly what heel

means in this case. I shudder to think

what you would do if I said sit.

My dog never obeys commands.

Other dogs will sit or heel.

My dog has only obeyed one command in his

whole life. I once told him to

stay and he never went home.

I imagined, he thought, it was an

invitation.

Ma'am, have you ever noticed how the

atmosphere in our room changes when it's

raining outside?With the lights on in

here and the rain and darkness outside,

there's sort of a medieval atmosphere.

No, ma'am, I don't know what the capital

of Norway is. So

much for atmosphere.

Ma'am, I think the ceiling is leaking.

Yes, ma'am. Right up there. See,

I told her about it, Sir.

Thanks, Marcy. I don't like to be the

kind who complains.

Yes, ma'am. I guess that works.

Thank you for telling the custodian about

leaking the ceiling, ma'am. You certainly

took care of it fast, didn't you, Sir?You

might

say that. of

Education and the principal have

been arguing about the leak in the

ceiling. They can't decide what to do.

I imagine it's a financial problem.

Wouldn't you say, sir?Just empty the pan

again, will you, Marcy?The principal told

the teacher she might consider moving you

to another desk, sir, but she said

she can't do that. Why not?

She said it would destroy her

alphabetical seating arrangement.

I think it stopped raining, Sir.

You can take the pan off your head now.

Maybe you could give our class a report

on the annual rainfall in this area.

I can't get that stupid kite in the air.

I can't. I can'tI can'tUh,

come on now, Charlie Brown. That's no way

to talk. The whole trouble with you is

that you don't believe in yourself. You

don't believe in your own abilities.

You've got to say to yourself, I

believe that I can fly this kite. Now go

ahead, say to yourself, I

believe that I can fly this kite.

I believe that I can fly this kite.

All right, now say it out loud. Say it

over and over. I believe that I can fly

this kite. I believe that I can fly this

kite. I actually believe that I can fly

this kite. You do?

I'll bet you 1:50, you're wrong.

I can't stand it. I'll never be able

to get that kite in the air. Never,

never, never, never, never, never, neverI

can't do it. I just can't do it.

I don't want to see this kite again as

long as I live. If you don't want it,

Charlie Brown, may I take it for a friend

of mine?Take it, take it. Get it

out of my sight. If your friend can get

it to fly, he's a genius.

I appreciate your letting me help you,

Charlie Brown. I like to feel needed.

I'll bet this kite will fly clear up to

the clouds. Well, we'll see.

Okay, let go! It's up!

You got it up, Charlie Brown! You

got it up with my help!Will you tell

everybody that I helped you, Charlie

Brown, will ya?Will you tell everybody

that we were a team, Charlie Brown?And

that we worked together, huhWill ya?

I don't know you.

Charlie Brown, you can't possibly

imagine how glad we'll all be when the

kite flying season is over.

Disgraceful, I can't stand

it.

That's what I think of you and your

stupid blanket! Hmm

Don't you ever get tired of that blanket?

Not really.

Security, like liberty,

has to be won and rewon many

times.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?No

future husband of mine is going to sit

around holding a stupid blanket. I'm

not your future husband. Give me that

blanket. No.

My blanket. I got to have

that that blanket. I can't breathe.

I feel dizzy. I I'm

going faint. Ohh

Get up. I know you're faking.

Give me that blanket or I'll clobber you.

I won't give it back unless you promise

to marry me. All right. I

promise to marry

you.

You do. You're lying.

Just think, if we were married, you

wouldn't need a blanket, because just

knowing I was there in our little home

would make you feel secure. I

can't stand it.

You and that stupid blanket, you'll be

carrying it around for the rest of your

life. That's not true.

I have tremendous willpower.

Why, I could give up this blanket right

today if I had to. All right,

let's see you give it up today. Good

grief! What have I done?

Hey, now let's talk this thing over.

No! You said you could give up this

blanket anytime, and now you're going to

have to prove it.

Why don't you tear off a little corner

and let me give it up gradually?

Where did you put my blanket?I put it

in this closet and locked the door.

Now we'll see if you can do without it

for two weeks. Two

weeks?Is that all?Why?

Of course I can. Two

weeks. Ha. Only two weeks.

It'll be a cinch. Two

weeks. How long is 2

weeks?

Two weeks.

Say, Linus, where's your blanket?Lucy

locked it in the closet. I'm trying to

prove I can do without it for two weeks.

Well, you know, you really don't look too

well. How would you look if your whole

nervous system was shot?

No substitutes.

Well, Linus, you've gone without your

blanket for a whole week. I'll

never last another week. I have

hot and cold flashes. My eyes won't

focus. I gotta have that

blanket. I'm cracking up and

nobody cares.

Nobody, nobody, nobody! I

gotta get that blanket. No, don't

give up now. You've gotten this far.

Don't give up now. What about my

hands?Look at them shake.

Put them in your pocket.

No substitutes.

How's Linus today?Not so good.

He's been in there wrestling with the

doorknob on the closet all morning, but

I'm not going to open that door until the

two weeks are up.

I think this has gone far enough, Lucy.

You better unlock the closet and give

Linus his blanket. I guess maybe you're

right. Hmm

Security is a lot of hard

work.

Yes, ma'am. This year I plan to get

nothing but straight A's.

That doesn't mean, of course, that I

wouldn't accept a few bent ones.

Yes, ma'am.

The answer is 12.

It isn't. How about six?

Four?Nine?

Two?

Ten?Do you have the feeling that I'm

guessing?

Yes, ma'am. That's my book report. What

are the odds on a little love and

understanding?