01x07 - Snoopy the Psychiatrist

[bunniefuu]

Guess what?There's a girl at the front

door asking about me. She has red hair,

and she-- April Fool!

You're an easy target, Charlie Brown.

You know, Charlie Brown, you never get

that excited when I come around.

Do you think I'm beautiful, Charlie Brown?

You didn't answer right away. You had to

think about it, didn't you?If you really

thought I was beautiful, you would have

spoken right up. I know when I've been

insulted. I know when I've been insulted.

Good grief. You

know your problem, Charlie Brown. You're

weak, you're wishy washy, you're dull,

and you're boring. I don't know what else

I can say. The way I see it, Charlie

Brown, your faults simply outweigh

your virtues. I wish there was some

way to demonstrate what I mean.

I haven't. I think I can give you a

graphic presentation which will help

you see yourself as you really are. This

board will represent an evenly balanced

personality. Now, on one

side, I'll place this pebble, which

represents all of your virtues.

On the other side, I'll place this

boulder, which represents your countless

faults. Now, watch what

happens.

Don't you think you're lucky to have me

around to point up these things in such a

graphic manner?

What's this?Oh, it's just a little

picture I drew of a man on a horse. Oh, I

just love horse pictures. Could I have

it, Charlie Brown?Could I have it to hang

on my wall?Well, I guess so,

if you think it's good enough. I mean.

And how about signing it?Will you sign it

too?Will you put your name on it?All

right. What do you want me to do?Just

sign my name or what?You were going to do

it, weren't you?

You really thought I wanted to hang this

stupid picture on my wall, didn't you?And

even thought I

wanted to sign it.

I can't stand it. I

better go see my doctor.

What are you doing?What do you mean?What

am I doing?I'm walking. What did you

expect to see me doing?Aren't you going

to be in your psychiatry booth today?I

have a problem. Sorry. Today's my day

off. Go see my assistant.

Well, my problem is mainly one of

insecurity. I

guess I just don't seem to be able to...

What in the world kind of assistant do

you have anyway?He fell asleep while I

was talking to him. Really?

Gee, I'm sorry. I apologize.

Maybe I can help you. What's your problem?

Well, I was telling him about this

insecure feeling I have, and...

I've been thinking, Charlie Brown. Maybe

you ought to be a newspaper boy. Well...

I'd like to be, yes. I think I'd like to

have my own paper route. Then you should

learn how to roll and fold a paper so you

could toss it on a doorstep. Here, let me

show you. See, you fold it across the

second column like this. Then you roll it

like this until you get it like this. And

then you tuck this part in here and twist

it like this. Now you're all set to throw

it!

Another thing you have to be able to do

is to get customers. If you want to know

about that, feel free to ask.

Thank you.

I figured it out, Charlie Brown. If you

stay depressed for two more days, you'll

make it into the Book of World Records.

Wow, that's great. You just

blew it.

There must be something I could be good

at. I've got it, Charlie

Brown. I finally figured out

what you might be good at. What,

Lucy?You can hold one under the rope

while I jump.

I can't stand here all day turning this

stupid rope. Why doesn't she ever

miss?This could go on

forever. I've got to get

home. I have a whole lot of homework to

do, and my favorite TV program comes

on in 15 minutes. I think I'll

just tell her that I have to quit and go

home. My arm is

getting numb. I can't even feel my

fingers anymore. I think I'll just throw

the rope down and tell her I'm quitting.

I think I'll just let go and walk away.





Not a way to go, Charlie Brown.

Good grief.

Rats. That's the 4th time today the wind

has blown up my cap.

Well, at least it's a good day for flying

kites.

Whoops. There it goes again. I'll get

it, Charlie Brown. You watch the kite.

Thank you. Now you hold on to the kite

until I start running.

Rats. I'm the world's worst kite

flyer. Here's your cap, Charlie Brown. It

flew clear across the stream. Whoops.

There it goes again. I have a suggestion

to make Charlie Brown. Why don't you

try wearing the kite and flying

your cap?

Run, boy. Run. Keep those feet

moving. Let out some more string.

Keep going. Keep going. You

got it up, Charlie Brown. You got it up.

It's flying. It's really

flying. It's really.

That's the first time I've ever seen a

kite explode.

The strangest thing just happened.

I was standing out on the lawn when

all of a sudden this big pile of string

walked by. I think you and that

blanket need a long rest.

My kite is up. It's actually

up. It's up there. Oh, no, it's going

down. Stay up. Stay up, you fool. Don't

get near that kite-eating tree. Look out.

Look out. Oh, no.

Oh, good grief.

Oh, no. Oh,

no. That's the most grossome thing I've

ever seen. What's

going on here?Don't look. Don't

look. This is a kite-eating tree. It has

one of my kites. Don't look. It's a

terrible sight. Whatever you do, don't

look. Oh, no!

She looked.

This stupid kite-eating tree has my kite.

If you don't let go of that kite, I'll

kick you right in the stomach.

These kite-eating trees have hard

stomachs.

I must be crazy to watch this.

It's a beauty contest, Chuck. And for

someone like me, it's very depressing.

Look, there's the girl who won. See how

happy she is. You think that'll ever

happen to me, Chuck?No way.

I'm not beautiful, Chuck. I'm not

beautiful, and I'll never be beautiful.

Now I'm all depressed. Rats.

Say something to cheer me up, Chuck.

Well, I.

He's a funny-looking kid, but he sure

knows how to make a girl happy.

Hello, Chuck. This is Pepman Patty. Say,

Chuck, they're having one of those

turnabout dances at school. You know

where the girl has to ask the boy. Well,

aye, ayeNo, I'm not

asking you, Chuck. Good grief.

I just want to talk to that funny-looking

friend of yours with the big nose.

Hiya, kid. This is Petman Patty.

How would you like to go to a turnabout

dance as my guest?

I think he'll be glad to go.

Hiya, Snoop. You look great.

These turnabouts are kind of weird, but I

hope you have fun, Snoop. I appreciate

your going with me.

Wow, Snoopy, look at all the kids.

This turnabout looks like it might be

kind of fun. I'm sort of

self-conscious about dancing with the

boy, but there's so many kids here,

I doubt if anyone will even notice.

Boy, Snoopy, you're a great dancer.

How about stopping for a little rest as a

cold punch?I'm sure glad you came

with me. I've never had so much fun

in all my life. I don't think

anything could spoil this evening for me.

Psst. Hey, kid, where'd you get the

weird-looking boyfriend?

I blew it, Snoopy. But I'm not sorry I

hit that stupid kid. He

insulted you and he deserved it. The

embarrassing part was being told to leave

by the chaperones. I wanted to be a good

date. I wanted you to like me and to

have fun and...

He's a funny-looking kid, but he sure

knows how to make a girl happy.

Snoopy, you're home early. Come on in.

How was the party?Did you have a good

time?Did you eat and drink?Was there

music?Did you dance?Were there lots of

kids?

Wow. Even a fight. Wow.

You must be exhausted. You better

sleep with me tonight. Put on your

pajamas and come to bed with all this

excitement. Maybe I'd better read you a

story so you can fall asleep. How about

Treasure Island?Let's see.

Hans Brinker, The

Six Bunny onees and their pony card

again. I don't understand why you

want to read the same book every night.

Oh well. It was

a warm spring day and the six Bunny onees

decide to go on a picnic. Fix

the lunch, said

Ham. Bunny one, I'll

hitch,

Tony said.

Well, did that nasty old pop fly awaken

you?Did it disturb your beauty sleep?

I'm sorry if the sound of fly ba*ls

landing behind you is depriving you of

your rest. Perhaps we should soften the

infield so the ball won't make

too much noise when it lands behind you.

Oh, good grief. Now I've hurt his

feelings. I'm

sorry, Snippy. I apologize. I

shouldn't have been so sarcastic. I guess

I don't know how to handle my players.

I'm a terrible manager. I

apologize.

Do you see anything?No, Charlie

Brown's gone and done it again.

You're not pitching right, Charlie Brown.

You're letting them hit the ball too

high. It makes us dizzy when we

look up. Try to pitch

right.

You're still not pitching right, Charlie

Brown. Now they're hitting the ball on

the ground. We don't like to

stoop over. No, that's very

inconvenient. Try to pitch so that they

hit the ball right to us. April,

May, June, July, August,

September. It's going to be a long

season. Hello,

Chuck. This is Petman Patty. How have you

been?I need your help, Chuck.

Our team has a ball game today, but one

of our players is going to be missing

and I thought. You mean you want me

to play for your team?Oh, boy!

That's the first time anyone ever asked

me to play on their team. Wow! I'll

be right over. That's great! Uh, uh,

well, uh, what I meant, Chuck,

was, uh, we just wanted to know if we

could borrow your glove.

You're going to walk clear across town to

lend someone your baseball glove?

Peppermint Patty's team needs it. Then

why don't they ask you to play?They don't

need me. They need my glove. Then let her

come and get it herself. I'm just trying

to be nice. Good luck with the

world. Gee, Chuck,

where you been?Our game is ready to go.

Did you bring the glove?Nice shot.

Give it to Tebow. He's the one who

doesn't have a glove. Tebow?

Get out there, Tebow, and show him how

it's done. You can watch the game from

over there, Chuck. Wish us luck,

Tebow. We won,

Chuck. How about that?Didn't I tell you I

had a great team?You can give Chuck his

glove now, Tebow. No.

NoGive him back his glove,

Tebow. I'll fight him for it.

Oh, good grief. If he wants

his glove back, let him come and get it.

Tebow, you're being unreasonable.

What's the matter, kid?Are you afraid to

fight me?I... I..

OK, then I'll just keep your glove.

Tebow, you give him back that glove. I'll

fight you both. Come on, I'm not afraid.

How do these things happen to me?I

know your kind. My

kind. You come around here thinking

you're better than us. Me?

Tebow, I'm ashamed of you.

Me?Better than someone else?

Me?I can't believe it.

He thinks that I think I'm better than he

is. That's the best thing anyone has

ever said to me. Keep the glove, Tebow.

You've done me a great favor.

I don't understand you, Chuck. You

sure know some weird people. You

think he's weird?You should see his

funny-looking friend with the big nose.

So I just let him keep the glove.

Maybe I was afraid to fight him. I don't

know. I don't even really care. The

main thing is, I felt better. I'm

proud of you, Charlie Brown. Now

maybe you'll be able to start facing some

of life's problems on the gut level.

That's a medical term. It would sound

more convincing if you weren't holding

that blanket.

Marcy, I'm short a player. I need you out

in right field. I hate baseball,

sir. All you have to do is stand out

there, please. What if I get put

in the penalty box?There's no

penalty box in baseball. Now

please get out there.

I forgot to ask if we're playing nine

holes or 18.

I have the ball, sir. What do you want me

to do with it?

Okay, Marcy, it's your turn at the plate.

I don't understand baseball expressions,

sir. Stop calling me sir and belt

one. Here, you'll do better using

a bat. Why do they make the handles so

big, sir?How

come you're letting a girl play on our

team?What's it to you, Tebow?

I'm not playing on any team with a girl.

What do you think I am, you blockhead?

Sir, if Mr. Tebow doesn't want me to

play, maybe I shouldn't.

I'll say you shouldn't. Baseball is a

boys game. You're just a stupid girl.

Why don't you go home?I can't go home,

Mr. Tebow, because I'd be all

alone. My dad is out of town and

my mother is at her office designing a

new freeway. Why do you wear those

stupid-looking glasses?You don't

need glasses to scrub floors or do dishes

or make beds. Speaking of

glasses, mine are beginning to steam up.

What do girls want to play baseball for

anyway?Girls should learn their proper

place. Hey, you're kicking dirt on

my shoes. Sir, your second

baseman has offended me beyond

endurance. Can you stop the game for a

minute?Time out!All

right, Tebow, this is it.

Now look here, you submit headed

male chauvinist dummy. I'm

going to tell you something and I want

you to stand still and listen. If you

say one word, I'm going to

belt you right across the chops.

Oh, that was one word.

Nice going, Marcy. You destroyed my

second basement. I'm sorry, sir.

I got carried away. I was going to give

him my lecture on the good qualities of

women, but instead I hit him.

Well, let's get back to the game. I'm not

going to play anymore, sir. I hate

baseball. Okay, but the least you could

do is stop calling me sir.