02x12 - Neat Wits / Mall Rat

[bunniefuu]

[Big band style music plays]

♪♪♪

♪ Doop-dah!

♪ Dooby-doo-wah!

♪ Doop-dah! Dooby-doo-wah! ♪

♪ Doo-boo doo-bah-bah dow!

♪ Dooby-doo-dah dah bah-dah-dah dee-bah ♪

♪ Dah-dah dee-bah-dee-bah dah-bee-dah ♪

♪ Bah-dee-dah dah-dah dah deedle-dah oh! ♪

♪ Oh yeah! Yeah!

♪ Dah-dah doo-yah dah-dah-dah dah-bah-dah-bah doh! ♪

[Thunder of stampeding feet]

If you're watching this show from a bicycle,

I hope you're wearing a helmet.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Dave: I'm telling you,

Cheese blobs left in the sofa cushions

Are way more deliciouser

Than the ones left underneath!

Scaredy: interesting, but I've never had a sofa cheese blob

Because I own a vacuum.

[Sighs] you haven't lived till you've done this.

[Pop, splat]

Guy bigteeth: greetings, log bus enthusiasts!

[Gasps] it's guy bigteeth -

Host of all my favourite game shows!

"Obstacle horse." "Wheel of pain."

"Who wants to be humiliated for a small cash reward?"

Guy bigteeth: that's right, my blue friend,

And now I'm looking for contestants

For my brand new show, "neat wits:

The show where smarts meets good clean fun."

[Cheesy laugh]

A game show? All about cleaning?

Honestly, I've done 24 of these shows

And I'm kinda running out of ideas, okay?

But we've got prizes,

Including free cleaning supplies for a year!

[Gasps] wow!

Dave: ooh, ooh! Can I be on the show, mr. Guy?

Dave, the show is called neat wits.

Which one of us

Do you think is better for the job?

Point taken.

Guy bigteeth: all right, squirrel,

Just answer our simple skill-testing questions

And you're in. Ready?

What's 567 minus 433 plus 908

Divided by the circumference of the diameter of one million?

Uh...

Wrong!

How much do five and a half dozen ostrich eggs weigh?

That's, um...

Wrong! What's my favourite colour?

Teal?

Oh no, we were looking for bluish-green.

Better luck next time.

Ooh, so close!

Your turn, skunk. Ahhhh!

First question: where is your face?

Correct! One point!

Am I a moose?

Two points!

Now do anything. Blink, breathe - anything!

Congratulations!

But you gave him all the easy questions!

That is correct! Ding ding ding!

Wow! If you had answered like that earlier,

You could have been on the show.

But i...

Don't worry, scaredy,

I'm gonna win us those cleaning supplies

With my amazing cleantastic skills!

[Pop]

[Sighs]

Scaredy: okay, dave,

If we're gonna win those cleaning supplies,

I'm gonna have to teach you everything I know.

All right!

You're gonna have to do things differently.

Got it!

Celebratory flavour cup?

A what? But that's just a- [gags]

Mmm... Aged to perfection.

Don't know what it is, but perfect.

[Laughing]

[Vacuum whirs]

[Muffled sounds]

[Splat]

Aaggghhh!

[Water sloshes]

Agh!

[Yawns]

Great job today, dave.

See you at the show tomorrow!

Dave!

What? What what?

[Sighs] let's do the montage again.

♪♪♪

[Snores] [whirs]

Sleep tight, prince of clean, sleep tight.

[Applause]

Guy bigteeth: ladies and gentlemen, beasts and birds,

Welcome to neat wits!

Crowd: [cheering]

Now get ready because the top two contestants

Will go on to our live grand finale tomorrow night!

He can assemble a working log bus

Out of old dishwasher parts.

Booger!

She once saved a barn full of orphans

With sheer strength

And the power of positive thinking.

Millie the cow!

And he once ate his own belly button lint. Dave.

Woo-hoo!

Guy bigteeth: good luck to all players.

Some more than others.

[Buzzer sounds] yes, dave?

A mop!

Wait for the game to start, dave.

Correct! One point!

Lettuce begin! [Cheesy laugh]

First question.

What is the name of a small broom

Used for quick touch-ups?

[Buzzer sounds] dave!

I'd like to answer that question.

I'm sorry, that is not the answer.

I buzzed.

Dave: [buzzer sounds] when can I go to the bathroom?

[Sighs] millie!

A whisk broom.

I use it when I spill my cud!

Correct! One point.

Scaredy: psst! Dave!

What are you doing?

Mr. Guy wouldn't let me talk.

Don't tell them you know the answer.

Just answer the question.

Okay. No, wait.

[Buzzer sounds] okay!

Crowd: [cheering]

[Buzzer] rinse 'em!

[Ding] next question!

[Buzzer] dusting!

[Correct ding!]

Yes!

Guy bigteeth: and we're outta time!

Booger, I'm sorry but you're going home.

[Barking howl]

Guy bigteeth: okay, fans, this episode plays on tv later tonight,

But the grand finale will air live tomorrow.

So stay clean or something or other.

Scaredy: quiet, everybody! The show's on!

Dave: oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

There I am! That's me!

Guy bigteeth: yes, dave? Dave: a mop!

Guy bigteeth: wait for the game to start dave.

Dave: correct! One point!

What's wrong, dave?

That's not how I sound, is it?

Buck: of course it is.

How do you think you sound?

G'day mate.

Say, those are some big, strong muscles you got there.

Ooh, nice white stripe too.

Tv made me sound all funny and look less muscle-y.

[Crying]

Great viewing party, scaredy.

I can never tell if you're being sarcastic,

But thanks!

Dave, answer the door!

You're gonna be late for the grand finale.

Dave: I'm not going.

What?! You've gotta go!

Too bad. You turned me into a monster.

This is who I am.

Ech! Dave,

The only way we're gonna win is if you're not you,

Just for one more day.

Well, I'm not going anywhere.

I need those cleaning supplies.

You need those cleaning supplies.

[Muffled talking]

Gah!

What am I gonna do?

[Gasps]

Guy bigteeth: welcome to the official low point in my career:

The live grand finale of neat wits!

[Cheering]

Now let's get re-acquainted with our finalists.

Millie, the cow!

And yesterday's champ, dave!

Uh, anyone seen the skunk?

Scaredy: here! I'm here!

Glad you could join us.

Dave? How you feeling today?

I feel like a skunk.

That's 'cause what I am is a skunk.

Yup. That's me. Fart.

I'm on tv? Again?

The grand finale is about what comes before the cleaning.

Let's see what you know about the mess!

[Gasps] what? No!

Let's go!

What is most commonly found swept under the carpet?

Dropped food. Done it!

Correct.

How much puke could a woodchuck puke

If a woodchuck could chuck puke?

A woodchuck could puke as much puke as he could

If a woodchuck could puke puke.

Agh! But i-i- so messy!

Hey, it's not all about clean, you know.

Life would be boring

If there wasn't a little mess to clean up.

[Gasps] you're right, guy.

I'd like to use one of my life-savers.

All right! Which one?

Ask a hobo? Crystal ball? Big fat guess?

I'll choose dial a pal.

Guy bigteeth: okay. Who ya gonna call?

Me.

[Chuckles] well, I'll be very surprised if you pick up.

Dave: hello? Scaredy: hello, me, it's me!

Hey, me. What can I do for me?

I'm sorry, me. I was wrong before.

Clean isn't always the answer.

Aw, that's okay, me.

Great! Here's the question-

Good luck!

[Gasps] wait!

That was scaredy! He's gonna lose without me.

Dave? Dave? Can I call back?

No. No you can't call you back.

That would be weird.

Now, what gives you a chewier cheese blob?

One under the sofa or one in the sofa cushions?

I know this one! It's uh... It's um...

I'm telling you,

Cheese blobs left in the sofa cushions

Are way more deliciouser than the ones left underneath!

The cushions!

Guy bigteeth: and dave's back in the game!

[Cheering]

Guy bigteeth: folks, it's a tie going into the final challenge:

The mess test!

Whoever makes the biggest mess wins!

This goes against everything I know!

Dave: you can do it!

Because you're dave! And what would dave do?

I'm scaredy.

[Scats opening theme song]

Ta-da! See? Scaredy.

Do it, scaredave!

Guy bigteeth: let the mess commence!

Dave: jam! Use the jam!

Right!

Dave: feather time. Feathers!

Trust me on this.

[Laughing]

[Squirt and splat]

[Giggles]

[Panting] phew!

[Buzzer sounds]

Time's up! And the winner is...

Dave by a mudslide!

Woo-hoo!

You win the grand prize!

One year's worth of all the mess-making supplies

You used today!

But! But what about the cleaning supplies?

Pfffffft! That's the consolation prize.

Millie, it's yours.

I just like being on tv!

[Mooing]

Ooh, tv!

Did I just- with the messy mess?

[Sighs]

Don't worry. I'll be fine. I'll be fine!

[Laughing] scaredy, check this out!

Scaredy: it could use some of this!

See? I knew you could have fun making a mess.

It's all about balance... And denial.

Balance and denial.

♪♪♪

I thought this mall might have one

And here it is!

The circulation sock depot.

Now I know why we've never been here before.

This mall is only for old people.

There's nothing wrong with old people, dave.

They're just like us

But they wear their pants higher.

Circulation socks, here I come!

Ooh, this mall has a yucky yucky popcorn stand! Mmm.

Now my feet and I can fall asleep at the same time.

[Crying]

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

It's this onion-flavoured popcorn.

It's delicious! [Crying]

Paddy: welcome to magical ribbons and bows!

I am paddy. How can I help you?

Paddy?

What a lovely new shell. Birthday gift?

Old turtle: yup, for my grandson.

How old is he turning? Balloons? Favourite colour?

How about purple?

Ooh.

Et voila, monsieur.

Scaredy: paddy! I didn't know you worked here.

Ack! I don't! So what if I do?

How long you been watching? Whadja see?

I am not embarrassed! Yes, I am!

You better keep this to yourself or-

Are you kidding?

This place is awesome!

And you, you my friend, have a gift!

You better not tell nobody!

Balloons!

You shouldn't be embarrassed, you should be proud.

The way you coordinated the contrasting colours

Of tissue paper.

Keep your trap shut!

Dave: I want a balloon!

The sharp creases of your folded corners!

Listen, squirrel-face,

I don't want people knowing I work here!

Everyone should know about this! Bye.

Balloon! Balloon! Balloon!

Promise not to tell anyone and it's yours.

Tell anyone what?

[Crying] thank you!

Paddy, we gotta talk.

The squirrel guy's gonna use this to embarrass me

In front of everyone!

You're very attractive for an angry man.

Wait a second.

If I find out something embarrassing about him first,

He'll have to keep his mouth shut.

There's gotta be something

He doesn't want people to know.

You're phone looks like a mirror.

Happy birthday to the punk kid.

Paddy: uh, hi.

Hi.

Wow. This place is creepy.

[Growls]

Creepy good. No. Yeah. So, um...

Someone told me that you don't know

Any secrets about scaredy.

What? I am the president

And sole member of the scaredy fan club.

Hello!

How does one join that club

If one were wanting to join the club?

To become a member,

You must sing the scaredy fan club song.

♪ Nuts, acorns

♪ Cleaning supplies

♪ Yeah!

♪ He's a squirrel with dreamy eyes ♪

♪ Scaredy, yeah, scaredy, ♪

♪ My love I pledge,

♪ Here he comes,

♪ Hide behind this hedge

Okay, I'm not singing that.

Well, my scaredy secret folder's for members only.

Ah! Gimme that folder!

[Struggling grunts]

Don't even think about coming

To the scaredy fan club semi-formal!

[Evil laugh]

Scaredy: [humming]

Oh hi, paddy. What are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be at the magic-

Nenenenene! Shhhh!

Before you go blabbing my secret,

Just know that I have a secret about you

That is just as embarrassing!

You were a cheerleader. Aha!

And I still love to cheer!

Up! Up! In the air!

Let's all play totally fair!

Fun is all that we're here for

So let's not bother keeping score!

Yay chess!

[Cheering]

You're not embarrassed?

Of course not.

And you shouldn't be embarrassed

That you work at the-

Zip it, click it, lock it, squirrel chin!

I'll find something that shames you!

[Muffled optimism]

Ha! You were a synchronized swimmer!

[Splash]

Ha! Junior tap dance enthusiast!

[Tapping]

Ha! Amateur rhythmic gymnast!

Oh...

[Applause]

I didn't hold my arabesque balance nearly long enough

To warrant these scores.

And your feet came apart on your chaine turn.

Bah! I'm not giving up.

If there's a skeleton in your closet

I'm gonna find it!

I have an itemized list of what's in my closet.

No skeletons.

Good thing he doesn't know about the picture.

The what?

Dave! Nothing. Nothing!

He didn't say anything.

There's an embarrassing picture of scaredy?

[Gasps] he knows!

Stop! Stop. Stop! This is my stop!

Stop talking! Stop!

[Evil laugh]

Paddy: ♪ a squirrel with dreamy eyes

♪ Scaredy, scaredy, my guy 'cause here he comes ♪

♪ Hide behind the hedge

New member! New member!

Scaredy's favourite season is spring!

He vacuums his living room three times a day.

Did you know that la ardrilla is spanish for squirrel?

Now take your shirt off

So I can tattoo scaredy's face onto your back!

Paddy: aghhh!

You're lucky,

I had to do my own looking into a mirror!

[Panting, drill whirs]

Whoa! Whoa! First let's discuss our...

Our favourite things about scaredy.

Okay, one time when I was hiding in his pillow-

Me first! Me first!

I love the one thing

That scaredy is embarrassed about!

I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, if you don't know about the photo, that's fine...

I do too!

We both know!

Isn't this great?

I even know where he keeps it!

Oh, me too!

It's in the safe under his couch!

Aghh! [Thud]

Thank you for that information.

You don't deserve a tattoo like this!

Paddy: aggghhh!

I can't un-see that!

Princess! Attack!

[Chuckles] right, right.

As if I'm scared of-

Ow! Ah! Ow! No!

Not the face! Not the moneymaker!

Scaredy: morning, richard.

Maple-flavoured breakfast water

And a pancake?

[Phone rings]

Every morning is a good morning!

This is scaredy squirrel.

Sally: scaredy! Paddy! Your embarrassing photo!

I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to tell him!

Agh!

What? Where? It was right here!

No-no-no-no-no-no!

Paddy! The photo! Took! He's gonna show everyone!

Agh! No one will ever look at me

The same way again!

Relax. Paddy doesn't have it.

I do!

But how did you unlock my-

Easy.

[Snoring]

Yay!

So the photo is safe? Where is it?

Where? Tell me!

I made copies.

So even if paddy steals it, you'll always have one.

What? Dave, no!

These go in the safe!

I can never, ever, ever let people see these! Ever!

Gimme the original too.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh? Uh-oh? Where is it?

I must have left it on the copier at sloppy copy.

Aghh! I'll go get dressed!

This is bad! Very, very bad!

Yep, we really messed this up.

[Evil laugh]

Yow!

Anything I can help you with today?

We're looking for a photo that was left

On one of these copiers!

Oh. Someone just took it.

Paddy! Yep.

Normally he just comes in here to photocopy his butt.

We can do that?

He just grabbed it, laughed a lot and left.

What am I gonna do now, dave?

Oh. Warm.

Scaredy: it's only a matter of time.

Paddy will show that photo to everyone in town.

The shame.

You don't know that.

Paddy: [over speakers] attention, shoppers.

Uh-oh.

Paddy: when scaredy was a little boy...

[Squeals]

Paddy: more on that later. Thank you.

[Whimpering]

Hey, this might cheer you up.

I already told you,

I don't want a copy of your bum.

Bum. [Giggles]

[Increasingly evil laughter]

Ah! Paddy! Please don't!

Maybe tomorrow I'll let everyone in

On what's so funny.

Who knows?

You got a secret about me. Now I got one about you!

But it's not the same thing. Working at ma-

Don't you dare say it! Or this picture-

Don't! Paddy, you have nothing to be embarrassed about!

Your job is-

You can't not talk about it!

I have no choice but to tell.

Please! I just don't understand

Why you don't want people to know that you work at-

Both: agh!

Hey, mister, can you make me a bow?

What did you just say?

A bow. I need a bow.

Agh! The squirrel told my secret!

Well, fine! Two can play that game!

Will someone please make me a bow?

Hello, scaredy lovers!

Paddy, wait! I think you should know that-

Forget it. Too late.

I know you've been telling people

That I work at magical ribbons and bows!

Dave: you work at magical ribbons and bows?

Buck: huh. Didn't know that.

Did you know that?

I never told anyone, paddy.

Mildred: and who cares?

You don't think it's funny?

[Crickets chirp]

See? You had nothing to be embarrassed about.

Actually, you're the best ribbon-curler I've ever seen!

[Chuckles] you curl ribbon!

[Laughing]

Well, I'm not the only one with something to hide!

I bet you've never seen this photo of scaredy!

Agh! Y-you all have one?

But how could you? What the? How could you even-

I couldn't handle the stress of wondering

When you'd show everyone

So I handed out copies this morning.

Did everyone get one of my-

Just checkin'.

[Chuckles] you curl ribbon!

[Laughing]

You- your tail is flat

And you- a beak, green skin donkey knees

You fart machine!

I-i love curling ribbons,

I really do! [Crying]

I love ribbons and bows!

Dave: this had been a crazy couple of days. Crazy.

I guess it's a little embarrassing

To have spaghetti on your head.

What? That's not embarrassing.

It was the latest craze in scalp cleansing.

So it's the diaper?

No. Better safe than soggy.

Dave: is it that you're standing in a mud puddle?

I was only standing in the mud puddle

To try and hide my socks!

They don't match!

And now it's out there for everyone to see.

The day my socks didn't match.

Aw. Here.

Scaredy: I don't want a picture of your bum.

Dave: [laughs]