01x09 - El corrido del Ceviches

[bunniefuu]

What the f*ck you guys want?

Sorry, boss.
We just wanted to show you something.

CONGRATULATIONS "BOSS"!

Why is boss written in quotation marks?

Are you insinuating that I'm not the boss?

It's to give it
some substance, like...Boss!

That's not what
quotation marks are for, idiot.

It's just to clarify that you're the boss.

Why don't you underline it?

That's it.

Let's see, what do you guys think?

It stands out, Mr. Ceviches.

Esther does the same thing
when she's going to add

a new product to show it on her stand.

Yeah, exactly.

I put quotation marks
around "Original Sneakers,"

so that they stand out.

So, then I'm the idiot, right?

What the f*ck is this?

It's a hood ballad, boss.

I like it. I want one
of these for my birthday party.

Yeah. Well, it's gonna be
a little complicated.

What we do is trap and...

We'll make it happen, sir. No worries.

That's what I'm talking about.
You'll have it by tomorrow?

Of course, boss.

There we go, b*tch. Let's go.

I want my ballad to be really hood.

Now f*ck off!

Do you realize how much trouble
you just got us in?

Yeah. Yeah, obviously, bro, I know, dude.

I didn't think it would go this far.

Anyways, when I went to drop off
that order to Trappatitlan,

I laid down some bars
for a hood ballad and they stole it.

It's going to work, Bubble.

Why don't we sell Trojan's watches,
and you pay him with that?

Bubble...

Trojans didn't leave me sh*t.

No way, Ugly.

- What are we supposed to do now?
- Ceviches just gave us the solution.

We pay him back
with one currency we do have. Talent.

Dude, people like Ceviches
aren't forgiving.

Look, Ugly, we have to tell the others.

Come on, man. Not now. Please.

Okay. How the f*ck are going to write
a f*cking ballad between the two of us?

- We have one day, and we're alone.
- I know, man.

We can talk to Condenado.

Who the f*ck is Condenado, Ugly?
Come on, man. Get it together, bro.

Get the f*ck outta here,
freaking Condenado, dude.

- You really rock that guitar.
- Yeah! Really amazing, bro.

- Really, bro.
- Yeah.

So why do they call you "Condenado"?

His friends say that he made...

a pact with the Devil,
to be able to play that well.

- f*ck me.
- Alright, give us another one, bro.

Right on.

Why don't you answer my messages?

I ran out of data, man.

I have no work... No money.

Flex, it's not cool for you
to be locked up in your misery.

I know, man.

I don't know
when I f*cking decided to be poor.

Let's go distract ourselves.
Let's go somewhere.

Wherever you want.

Have a really fun day, just you and me.

That's not necessary.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Let's see, what's your favorite place
in the whole world?

Your happy place.

Hey, what's up? What are you doing?

I'm at a friend's house. You?

I was chatting with IO
and it would be cool

if you dropped by the studio.
What do you say?

Some great producers will be there
and it'd be cool if you came. Can you?

Hell yeah. Right on. Yeah, yeah.

Ugly, are you in the bathroom?

No, no. I mean, not a chance.
Well, yes but not...

I came in to answer.

I'm just f*cking with you.

I know.

- Okay, see you in a bit.
- Okay.

- So, do you like cocaine, man?
- Bubble, that was Triana.

She wants us to stop by the studio
and meet some producers, bro.

You bet, f*cking Ugly. Right on, man.

The information
for the Ceviche's ballad. Let's see.

Here it is.

What do you think?

"She was conceited because she was on TV.

I opened up my heart.

She manipulated me and broke my heart.

It hurt a lot,
but I have more than enough women.

Bosses like me don't get k*lled
by b*ll*ts, but by b*tches."

Okay.

Ready, Condenado?

Special of the day...

So this is your happy place?

You said you wouldn't judge me.

I'm not judging you.
Honestly, I think it's very sweet.

When I was a kid, this felt gigantic.

My dad would bring me here
when he got paid,

to treat ourselves a little.

Sometimes he would disappear for weeks,

but when we spent a little time
together it was great, you know?

Then we'd come eat free samples
until they booted us.

Right here, I first heard
the "Black Album" by Jay Z.

For more information
about our discounts for the month,

please visit webpage
or our customer service center.

TRY ME

No way, Flex.
They f*cked up the decimal point.

How much would one really cost?

At least ten thousand pesos.

No way. Dude, if we bought this
for a hundred pesos and resold it

for ten thousand, we could get money
for your rent, your light bill...

They won't sell it for one hundred.

Hell yeah, I read about this sh*t.

By law, they have to honor
the price on the tag.

Ceviches is going to love
his ballad, bro. You'll see.

I hope so.

Condenado really made one hell
of a deal with the Devil.

- At least someone made a good deal.
- Are you still being a pessimist?

Just wait until Triana
sees my flow in the studio, bro...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I got this man. It's cool.

Listen, as*h*le. How will you
f*ck Triana if Ceviches kills you?

What the f*ck did you promise him?

Alright, I'm coming.

Don't feel bad.
These pieces of sh*t deserve it.

They're assholes and they exploit people.

- Good afternoon.
- Hello.

- Find everything you were looking for?
- Yeah.

Gaby, it's ringing up a different price...

Is there a problem?

I'm really sorry,
but these cost ten thousand pesos.

- Of course. Sure. Don't worry.
- Would you like to take it anyways?

Yes, but for one hundred pesos,
which is what the price tag says.

Miss, I understand your frustration,
but there has obviously been a mistake.

We aren't moving
until you honor that price.

It says one hundred,
and I'm not paying one more cent.

Fix it however you want.

CONGRATULATIONS "BOSS"!

- That's my phone
- I'll keep it.

Move!

What's up, Ugly?

Mr. Ceviches, thanks for inviting us.

- Did you like your ballad?
- The ballad was f*cking amazing, man!

Why do you think I invited you?

You're going to play it here,
for all my guests.

sh*t, no, no,
we can't play it just like that.

I don't know how to play the guitar.
We need our guitarist, you know?

sh*t, man. What's up, Condenado?

You also got... invited.

- Yeah.
- Take them.

- This way.
- Fine, fine.

Welcome.

- Hi. Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

Are you the boss's sisters?

- We're his aunts.
- Great.

Would you like some party favors?

No, no, chief, I'm good. Thanks.

Dude, how come?

Well no, I just want to be sharp, papi .

It's that I feel like Ceviches
brought us here for something bad.

Bubble, calm down.

We sing the freaking song,
we look good with Ceviches,

and we get the f*ck out.

- I want to dance.
- Yes.

- It says 15 here, do what you have to.
- There's an issue with the label maker.

You mean his ninety-inch screen
doesn't cost fifteen pesos?

Don't treat me like an idiot.
Just ring me up already. Ring me up!

Hey, people, Data here. We need your help.

These f*ck at the super
put one price on a product,

and then try to sell it for more.

Yeah, f*ck them! f*cking assholes.

As always, they don't give
a sh*t about the customer.

Thieves!

You look more reasonable than your friend.

Tell her to stop, please.

Look, we can give you
a nice gift card for one thousand pesos.

But just leave.

Yeah, of course, honor it!

Data, Data, Data...

What?

They'll give us a gift card if we leave.

They want to bribe us? No f*cking way.

You think that with some shitty coupon
you're gonna fix this injustice?

We ain't going nowhere
until the authorities arrive.

How can you be eating, Bubble?

Bro, if they're going to k*ll us,

I might as well have
some nice ceviche first.

Didn't you like the ceviche, son?

Of course. It's very very good.
Thank you so much, Mr. Ceviches.

Then why did you put Maggi on it?

No, well, I thought it would
taste better with Maggi.

So, if it could taste better...

the ceviche isn't so good.

It's amazing.
I even put Maggi on my cereal.

I really like it that way.

Girl, give this young man
another ceviche.

A clean one. This as*h*le put Maggi on it.

Thank you.

Delicious.

Not another drop of Maggi, idiot.

f*ck you and your ceviche, p*ssy!

The aunts are here. Hi there, Auntie?

This guy is f*cking crazy. What the f*ck?

Dude, we play, and I swear, we're out.
For real, bro.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. CEVICHES

Friends...

My nephew is the apple of my eye.

He's a man of his word,
caring, honest, honorable.

Ceviches, I love you, my dear.

I love you.

And I have a surprise for you,
for your birthday.

Yeah!

Bravo!

Thank you.

Ugly, let's go.

Listen to this, Auntie.
It's a ballad these guys made for me.

Yeah? That's great.

Let's hear it.

Happy birthday, Mr. Ceviches!

- Shall we dance, auntie?
- Let's dance, my love.

Why do you leave me?

I would empty my g*n for you

You shine with me
More than this bling-bling

Baby, come back
Nothing is the same without you

Mami, if you're not here

I get lost between alcohol and p*ssy

Today I'm banging
Because I may no longer be around

Someone like me You will never find

One more b*llet you gave my girl

And that hurts more

You are the drug

That nobody could give up

Love is dangerous whenever you play

The ballad of Don Ceviches!
Hell yeah, bro!

f*ck yeah!

Just for you.

Triana is waiting in the studio.
Hurry up, bro. Let's go.

Let's go, already. We're done, bro.

Where do you think you're going?

I want you to play
that f*cking ballad again.

- We didn't bring... The same ballad?
- The same one, dammit!

Encore! Encore!

Encore! Encore! Encore!

Encore! Encore!

Ugly still isn't answering?

What? I don't know.
I was checking something else.

Stop bullshitting, Tri.

Remember, I told you he took me to
this really shitty mall the other day?

Well, afterwards, he took me home and...

Well, we hooked up.

Why are you telling me this now?

Because you know I don't get attached.

Besides, I didn't
want to make it a big deal.

That guy's a dumbass and he's crazy, dude.

You really like him, right?

I feel he has everything to make it.

I don't know. I'm not convinced yet
that they're really serious.

They do a lot of dumb sh*t.

But they have really great beats.
And they have Data.

Don't pass, don't pass.

Data, this sh*t has
gotten out of control, man.

I want to go home.

Flex, I promise you,
if we hold out a bit longer,

we'll take this stereo
and pay off all your debts.

Data, you don't have to save me, man. See?

This isn't even about me anymore. f*ck it.

She's crazy, and he's a deadbeat,
who can't control her.

They just want to f*ck us.

Wait, my captain says
he will give you forty- five hundred.

- Please.
- Data...

Let me tell you something...

Now there is no f*cking way
we are leaving with this sound system.

- Yeah! That's what I'm talking about.
- Nobody leaves until we solve this!

Bravo!

Again!

Mr. Ceviches, could we please
have a five-minute break? I mean...

Five minutes my ba*ls.

I'm telling you to do it again, punk.

No, no. Chill out. He's going...

- He'll do it acapella , right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get them the f*ck out of here.

You have talent, boys.

That f*cking ballad you made

is a work of art.

- Thank you, Mr. Ceviches...
- Shut your trap!

There's one problem.

Apparently, you must think
I am an as*h*le.

No, sir, no. Absolutely not.

- What the f*ck you mean no, b*tch?
- No, I swear we don't, Mr. Ceviches.

Those packages have the wrong prices,
ring me up.

Ring me up, I want to go home!

Don't let anyone else in!
We have to get organized!

A group of protestors are disturbing
the peace in a supermarket.

Various sources say that...

Flex, no way. We're on television.

Really?

Authorities tried
to calm down the protesters

and hope to control the situation.

Dude, I'm sorry for saying
that you were only a delivery driver.

You're right. I come from another world
and I don't have a f*cking clue.

I don't think
you're messed up. Actually...

you are my favorite person.

Look, we analyzed the situation.

We'll let you take the speaker
for one hundred,

if you convince the others to take
the five-thousand-peso gift cards.

People, we did it!

They're going to give us


if we leave and let them close.

No f*cking way. Five thousand pesos?
That smells like corruption to me.

f*cking assholes.
Long live narco-syndicalism!

LOST CALL

Dude, I told you they were green.
They aren't ready.

I know, man.
I just thought this guy was different.

Come on. Let me buy you a beer.

Let's go.

- Learn my name, dog.
- What the f*ck is this?

Ugly, the new king
of the f*cking Guerrero neighborhood.

You think you
can use my money for this sh*t?

Who's gonna pay me back?

- I'll pay you in two weeks.
- Everyone says that same sh*t.

No, no. I'm begging you, please, no.

Do it.

No, no. We'll pay you back with interests.

Yeah, with interests.
And we'll give you something

much more valuable
than what you gave Ugly.

I'm sorry, my man.

This guy is a real idiot, and besides,
he's very disrespectful.

But he's gonna
get his sh*t together to pay you back

and he'll give you
something valuable for your time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm doing this for f*cking Trojans.

That guy was my brother, he was family.
May God have him in all His glory.

I'm gonna give you three days.
Three days to have my cash here.

Thanks.

Move it.

Three days, f*ck.

LIVE NEWS

We're here at the scene of angry protest.

The people are tired
of being stripped of their right

to have expensive things
for little money.

So?

I don't know.

I like you very much.

But like a relationship?

No, no, I mean,

we can f*ck other people, if you want.

I mean, right now...

I don't want to f*ck anyone else,
but if you want...

No, no, I mean,
I don't want to f*ck anyone else either.

But it's cool to know
that there is that possibility, right?

Well, but the crew comes first, right?

Sure.

Obviously.

ARE YOU COMING, MAN DON'T FAIL ME

Don't be an idiot, man.

Come on, f*cking Ugly, dog.

Dude, I need you to get that money, bro.

I need you alive, as*h*le. Really.

Well, we could rob a bank, bro.

Stop talking sh*t. f*cking Ugly, bro.

Come on.

Dude, if that's where your mind is,
we should just rob Trippy, man.

That guy has a bunch of dough.

Yeah!

Again, f*cking Condenado!

- Alright.
- Do it!