02x02 - MILFa Mia

[bunniefuu]

♪ Seven in the morning
We're just gettin' started ♪

Since my divorce,
my dating life
is an absolute train wreck.

I am successful
in most areas of my life,

except love.

Anybody here?

[Barby] So, I'm coming here
for a genuine connection.

Who knows? Hopefully,
I can find somebody
to fall in love with.

Where are the men?

-[women] Whoo!
-[Barby] Bring it, boys!

Ladies, ladies, ladies!

[Lannette] Dating younger men
is a rejuvenation process.

It takes me back in time,
makes me feel young.

You guys looked great
coming in.

Can we agree? The ladies
are pretty beautiful
themselves.

-Yeah!
-[indistinct chatter]

I don't smell
like an old person,

and I definitely
don't want my man

to smell like
an old person, either.

It's time
for your first challenge.

[all whooping]

[Jami] The duo that fills
the jar with the most...

[Joey] Oh, that's thick.

[Jami] ...gets to ask
someone out
for a romantic date

out on the town.

This is definitely
not boring.

[Jami chuckles]

Who were you attracted to?

Well, I think you
were one of the first people
to walk in.

-The first. Yeah.
-Yeah, so you were already
like... Schwing!

[Crystal] What she
needed to do was
worry about her date,

and get the [bleep]
off mine.

-[both laughing]
- [Jacob] I'm buzzing,
to be honest.

As first dates go,
that was so good.

-Guys, guys...
-Look at that.

...that's my [bleep] dad.

-[Jami gasps]
-[Kelly] What?

[Lannette] I feel faint.

Holy [bleep]!

Oh, my God!

-Oh, my God, it's my dad.
-[women] Whoo!

What the [bleep] is how...

is exactly how
I'm feeling right now.
[chuckles]

My dad's here. [laughs]

[Lannette] Oh, my God!

What's up!

-On the crutches!
On the crutches!
-That's my son.

[Sam] I'm coming
up the stairs. You're broken.

[Chris] You're in the cross!

[both chuckling]

It is
a what-the-[bleep] moment.

I had no idea
my son was gonna be here.

-I look over and I see
these legs going, "Yeah..."
-[chuckling]

...just bouncing around
like Jimmie Walker.

-[laughing]
-I'm like, "There's my son."

-I'm Darren.
-[Sam] This is my Dad.

Oh, my God! The dads
are hotter than the sons.

Even the one on the crutch.

What's going on?
Are we dating the sons
and their fathers?

This could be awkward.

This is my dad, Anthony.

-Nice to meet you. Sam.
-How are you? Nice to
meet you. Hey, Sam.

-Hi. Jacob.
-Jacob.

I want the one
in the crutches.

Yeah, definitely the dads
are giving me coochie tingles.

-What the [bleep]
is going on here?
-[both laughing]

I mean, I am a devious,
mischievous woman by nature,

so I'm having fun
with the fact
that I can see Jacob

clearly start to sweat
by having his dad here.

-My goodness. You did good.
-[Jacob] We've been
hanging out.

-You did.
--Aw! [chuckles]

I don't know what's
going on in the house.

These ladies are in their...
in their 40s and and 50s,

and my son's here as well.
So, what the hell's going on?

-It's mad. It's surreal.
-[chuckles softly]

-Hi, I'm Lannette.
-I'm Darren.

-Darren, nice to meet you.
-Very nice to meet you.

-You have a wonderful son.
-I know,

-but thank you.
-He's amazing.

-Nice to meet you.
-[Jami] Nice to meet you.

-Yes.
-Nice to meet you. Of course.

-I swear, Joe,
I was so happy to see you.
-Me too.

I was like...
Yeah, would you...

-Did you feel the same way?
-Hundred percent. Yeah.

-At first you were in shock.
You went, "Oh, [bleep]"
-I was definitely like,

"Oh, [bleep]."
Like, "Oh, my God."

-[Jami] He's a great guy.
-You a good guy? Yeah?

-[Jami] He's doing a good job.
-You guys have been here
for a day?

-[Jami] Yeah.
-Yeah?

I'm Anthony.

I would've never thought
I'd see my son
in this situation

with, you know,
all these older women.

I just never thought
you liked older women.

[Joey] Yeah. I know, I do.

-Yeah.
-I wanna call 'em "Mami."

[chuckling] "Mami."
Oh, gosh.

-Joe! [bleep]
-[both chuckling]

-Hi. Hi.
-Hello.

Hi. Ashley.

-There's two of you?
-Yeah, there is.

-We're quite similar, right?
-Yeah. I...
I'm a hugger, so...

[chuckling] Oh!
Lovely to meet you.

-It's bizarre--
-Jacob and I went
on a date last night.

[Jacob] Mmm.

-[mouthing] Oh?
-[Jacob] We did. Yeah.

I mean, obviously,
I was getting into the groove
of things, you know?

Things were going
super well.

Went on a date before.

I was loving life, right?

And then suddenly,
my dad comes in,

and that's just changed up
the whole dynamic.

Um... yeah, I wasn't
really sure how to act
around you, to be honest.

Like, with Barby...
hand around her, I was like...

"Maybe I should
move that away."

This [bleep] crazy.

-No way!
-[both laughing]

-This [bleep] is crazy!
-I feel you.

[both laughing]

[all laughing]

Not in a million years,
would I ever expect

to see my dad
walk through that door.

I separated myself
from my dad years ago

because it was
a very toxic relationship.

We haven't spoken
in years, so...

I've never felt this awkward
in my entire life.

[indistinct chatter]

Hmm.

[Stacy speaking]

And um...

when things were going toxic
in our relationship

due to my infidelity...

he witnessed a lot of it.

And he voiced his opinion
about some things,

which, you know,
kind of, hurt me.

We became very distant.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[Miles and Stacy chuckle]

[Miles] I kinda just
called him out
on his bull [bleep].

So, I left.

I tried to mend
the relationship with him,

but he never responded.

I never got any texts back.

I tried, but...

[indistinct chatter]

How long y'all going
to be here? Hold up, hold up.

[chattering continues]

Time out!

Love the dads.

How long are they gonna
be here, though?

-[all laughing]
-Like, let's go ahead
and address that.

--Yeah, ideally. [laughs]
-Like, you guys can kick it
for a couple hours.

-And then go home.
-You know, once
the sun goes down,

y'all gotta get up going.

-[all laughing]
-[cell phone chimes]

Okay, if I could have
everybody's attention,

you're gonna
wanna hear this.

"As you've realized by now,

the men that arrived today

are the single dads..."

-[all whooping]
-"...of the young men you've
been getting to know."

[all laughing]

-"Jacob, your father, Ashley,
is here."
-Yep.

"Miles' dad is Stacy.

Anthony is Joey's dad.

Darren is Sam's father.

And Michael and Christopher
are our final father and son."

The dads are here
to stay, girls.

[all laughing, cheering]

"This may not have been
what you expected,

but everyone here is looking
for a real connection.

Things may have changed
a little bit, but the goal
remains the same...

to find love. Good luck."

-[Kelly] Cheers to love.
-[all cheering]

[all laughing]

-You guys just threw a monkey
wrench in this [bleep].
-[Kelly] Cheers!

[all laughing]

You're in competition
with your dad!

-Never in my life have I been
on a double date with my dad.
-Never have I ever.

-[chuckles]
-But there was one time
growing up,

uh, he did take us on a date

with, uh, a lady
he was interested in.

-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah, and it
was really weird.

-I didn't have a sitter.
-Yeah.

-Yeah, and basically,
we all went to IHOP.
-[laughs]

-[Chris] We were literally--
-And my sons
looked at me, like,

"This is not
gonna work, Dad.

Can you pass the syrup?"

[both laughing]

[Crystal laughing] Oh!

-He's not happy about it.
He's like...
-[all laughing]

We've gone out together,

and we've kind of done
the wingman thing.

-But not after the same...
-Not after the same woman.

-Not after the same girl.
-[both chuckle]

[Darren] But at the end
of the day, if I decide
I like someone,

I'm going after her,
and, you know, I'll win.

He is such a sweet boy,
and very intelligent.

-Thank you for saying that.
-And I can see

-where he gets
the good looks from.
-[chuckles]

[Darren] I work
in aviation sales.
I sell jets.

I have three children...

Adult children.

-So, welcome to the Manor.
-Thank you.

How did you feel...
up to this moment?

Like, we're so surprised.

The surprise
was walking outside,

and then I looked down
and I, of course, see my son,

and I see a bunch
of you beautiful women.

And I'm like, "All right."

I... was married...

for 15 years.

We were together for 18.

Uh, I never thought
I would be unmarried again.

And after my divorce,
I just wanted companionship.

But I don't mean
just sexual.

I mean, just having
that feminine persona there.

-Well, I'm so glad
you're here.
-Me too.

So, what happened
to your... your leg?

The day before yesterday,
I fell

-and fractured my, uh... my...
-Your...

-Right where the femur
joins in with the hip.
-Got you.

[Darren] I'm excited
for this experience

because I really do
wanna meet that someone.

I would love to have
that partner in crime...

for the next 20, 30 years,

however long, you know,
I can stay on this world.

Fingers crossed.

-I heard you're from St Louis.
-Three gallons of it.

-Originally.
-I'm from St Louis.

[Crystal] My mom
used to live on, um...

-Ooh... Gilmore.
-Oh, my God!

-It's a small damn world.
-I remember there used to be
a Church's Chicken over there

-on the back that
Northwest High School.
-Yeah, I remember, right?

I used to eat Church's Chicken
every damn day. [chuckles]

[Crystal] When I see Stacy...

and the first thing
that sticks out to me
is his g*ns.

He got big arms.

-We had dope fiends,
prostit*tes and everything.
-Everything, huh?

-So...
-I know exactly
what you're talking about.

-I'm from the same clique...
-Yeah.

...but just happened to,
you know, make some decisions

-and get out of there.
-[Crystal] Yes.

It's not like every day
you meet somebody
from the same hood.

So, Stacy
is on my radar right now.

And I'm gonna
keep an eye on him.

[Barby] He said
that you guys are from Sicily.

-Yes. Yeah.
-I've been to Sicily.

-Oh, you... you...
-Taormina.

-Taormina is beautiful.
Taormina, yeah.
-Yeah, yes.

It's one of the most
magical places
I've ever been to

because I've never seen
so many little villages

-on top of a hill like that.
-[Anthony] Oh, yeah.
It's beautiful.

Anthony comes in,
and I can already tell
that he's my type,

'cause I like the Italianos.

And he's dressed very nice,

very European, which I love.

-[Anthony] Do you
ever go to Positano?
-Yes.

-I was just in Amalfi--
-Yeah? Amalfi Coast?
Beautiful over there.

[Barby] Like, now
we're all friends,
we'll be traveling together.

Are you ready, uh,
for one of us
to be your step-mama?

I was literally
calling you "Mami."

[Jami laughs]

-Joe, I like Barby.
You like... I mean...
-Yeah.

[Anthony] ...she is hot
and bubbly and fun.

Like the truth is...
they're all beautiful women.

And they're all
catching my eye.
They're looking at me.

Everyone...
that corner eye. So...

[chuckles]

-Are you serious?
-[Jacob] Bro, what the [bleep]
is happening?

I don't know
if I can deal with this.

-I don't know what to do.
-[laughing]

-I don't know
what to do. I'm...
-[laughing]

[Joey] Dude!

The problem is, right,
the problem is,

is that all these girls
were slowly, like...

-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
-...starting to ease
into us, right?

And now they just
got the older versions of us.

-We all get what we get
from our dads.
-[Jacob] Yeah.

So now, it's like
they got exactly us,

-just now, it's their age.
-They were--

Now, it's their age.

We're not happy, to be honest.

I think we've put in
so much work
over the past day,

and to have...
have our dads come in,

like, shocked is...
is an understatement.

So, we're
a little bit worried now.
I'm not going to lie.

And what do you do, Darren?

I sell private jets.

Got you.

Oh, just small ticket items.

They're established
in their careers. I'm not...

I'm not gonna pretend
that my dad is not
a very successful guy.

That is an attractive
part of being a guy.

So, we've got some
stiff competition with them,
that's for sure.

[Sam] I lose.
No. [bleep] this.

-He said, "I lose." [bleep]
-[Sam] No, 'cause...

-[all laughing]
-[Sam] ...'cause we're
sitting there talking,

and my dad... they go,
"Oh, what do you do?"

He goes,
"I sell private jets,"
and they all just go.

[all laughing]

[Chris] The dads being
closer in age to the women,

it is a little concerning,

but being
in this household,

I don't think that's what
these women are here for.

Like, they're not here
for, like, looking for, like,
men their age

that they can, like,
share memories with.

They're... they're looking
for something new.

[chuckling] You're new?

-[Chris] Oh, yeah, I'm new.
I'll be new.
-[laughing] Okay.

I mean, I'm not gonna lie.
It's not looking too hot
for us right now.

-[Chris] Not at all. Not...
-[laughing]

Ah! Let's get it, gentlemen.

-[all cheering]
-The men are in the house!

[all screaming, cheering]

I have a background
in the industry.

I can tell Crystal
is very uncomfortable
with my past.

I see the side eye
over there.

[Crystal] It's obvious
that she likes to get
all of the attention.

Why should I care?

-Hey, everybody, it's raining!
We should go inside!
-[Lannette] Let's go!

-Let's go inside!
-It's raining men!

[chuckles]

I honestly think, like,
I still, like, I'm in shock

to see all these
gorgeous men here.

Younger, older.

I have never dated
a father and son before,

but I think we're all
pretty much
game to do whatever.

-[all laughing]
-I [bleep] love it!

[all laughing]

[Michael] These are some
very, very beautiful women.

Crystal and Lannette
have kind of caught my eye.

-Literally... so, the second
he walked in...
-Right off the rip.

-The second he walked in,
I told him, "Hey..."
-That's me.

-[Chris] "...you see them
right there?"
-[Michael] That's me.

[Chris] "I just went
on a date with her. I'm trying
to get to know her.

I'm trying, you know,
I'm trying to make a move.

I got...
I got a strategy.

-I've got plans in motion."
-[Michael groans] Yeah.

Players gonna play.

-I wasn't expecting to compete
against my dad, but...
-[chuckles]

[distant chatter]

-What a day.
-You feeling it?

-Yeah.
-[Barby] Yeah?

Are you trying to process?

-[Jacob] Oh, yeah, massively.
-[Barby] Yeah?

-You okay?
-Yeah. No, I'm good.

I'm good.

Your dad thought
I was like a young...

like, one of the daughters.

-Ah, that's a very nice thing
to say.
-[Barby] I know.

-[Jacob] That's a very nice--
-[Barby] I'll take it.

There is so much
going through my head
right now.

I can't really process it.

-I'll drink to that.
- [Jacob] My dad
coming all the way

to Canada from England,

I wouldn't expect him
to do that. And...

Yeah, I think there's,
potentially, a little bit
of competition now.

My dad's definitely got
a lot of game,

and to see him
talking to other girls,

and obviously, you know,
me and Barby got
a little thing.

Yeah. Not great, is it?
[chuckles]

[Kelly] So...
so, what do you do?

Well, currently, um...

I'm a Phys-Ed teacher.

I've done that
for 25 years,

but, uh, before that,
I used to be a...

a professional
rugby player.

Um, so, a professional
sportsman for ten years.

I used to be a professional
rugby player in the '90s.

I was married 24 years and...

uh... to be divorced
nine months, uh,
is a short period of time

to... to fix myself
and rebuild.

After the separation,
I felt rejected, ultimately,
by my wife.

My confidence
really took a hit.

I didn't want to get
onto the dating scene.

I just really felt that I had
to get myself right.

So, this is why
I do lots of fitness work.

And my self confidence
and self-esteem has improved.

I feel really good.
I'm probably in the best shape
of my life.

I thought I was old,

but apparently,
I'm the silver fox now.

[chuckles]

I'm doing this now because...

Yeah, I'm ready to find
the right person now.

Look, you're divorced,

-you're single...
-Absolutely.

...and you're looking
for somebody,

you're looking
for a connection.

And whether
it's with a younger man...

-It could be. Right.
-...or an older man, hey...

-You never know.
-...what the heck.

-You never know.
-Try it all.

-So, you love to travel too?
-[Anthony] I love to travel.

You know what I love to do?

-I love to get up
in the morning...
-Mmm-hmm.

[Anthony] ...and go,
"Let's go to Miami."

-Oh, you're that guy.
-I... Yeah.

-Wait, because I'm--
-And then... and then...
and then leave that same day.

-I'm spontaneous like that.
-[Anthony] Yeah.

I own Nino's Coal Fired Pizza
and Restaurant

in Toms River, New Jersey.

It started with my grandfather
and my mother,

and it's a heritage
that we have.

And, uh, I think that's what
life is about, you know.

The passion of food,
the passion of cooking,

and the passion of love.

I think it's all mixed,
intertwined together.

-[cell phone chimes]
-Hey, guys!

-I've got a message!
-[Jami] Ooh!

"Dads, welcome."

[all cheering, whooping]

"Please take some time
to check out the house.

And just to make it
perfectly clear,

you'll be sharing a room
with your sons."

[all groaning]

You don't like that, Dad.

You're not happy about that,
trust me.

We come all this way
and we got to sleep together?

Like, at least, we could
get our own room, no?

Well, what is this?
We're in kindergarten again?

Well, you better not
be bringing no girls
in the room, all right?

I'm telling you right now,
while I'm there,
I want my privacy.

Yeah. You don't gotta
worry about it.
I'll give it to you.

I'll give you
all the privacy you want.

Chris, over here.
Let's go! Miles!

[Sam] Hey, we got to walk
a little slower
for the old one.

The dads are so hot.

All of them.

[Christina] The dads are fine.

They're hot.
The dads are really hot. Yeah.

You know what's interesting?

Are we allowed to go out
with a father and a son?

-You know we are.
-[all] Oh!

-Oh!
-[Christina] I don't know.
I don't know.

I don't know
what I'm gonna do.

There is something exciting
about younger guys.

And because I have
such a free spirit,

I tend to gravitate
towards that,

but there's some dads
in the house, that I'm like...

you know,
there's some tingles.

I thought I would be
into the older guys,

but I have to admit,

-I'm feeling the young.
-Yeah.

Oh, you like the young
whippersnapper!

-[Christina] I don't know
what's going on.
-Okay.

[Jami] I feel like maybe

because of the day
you spent yesterday,

maybe if you had that kind
of day with the dads,

you might feel differently.

-Yeah.
-I can tell you right now,
I'm not...

I'm not saying "Daddy."

-Wow.
-[Jami] Wow.

With the downfall, you know,
of my marriage,

I have not had sex
with my husband

in, you know, eight years.

I came in g*ns blazing,
wanting to date younger,
right?

So, hey, ladies,
I'll let you have,

you know, the daddies,

but I'll probably sleep
with their sons.

-[Anthony] RILFI?
-[Joey] Yeah.
Room I like to [bleep] in.

-All right.
-[chuckling] That's what
it really means.

-Room I like
to [bleep] in, yeah.
-[Ashley] RILFI?

[Darren] I might
have to use that room.

[Stacy] Oh, wow.

[Sam speaking]

If you weren't here...

maybe I would.

[chuckles]

This is our room.

-[Anthony] Come on.
-Three guys are in here.
So, six guys now are in here.

[Anthony] No,
this ain't working, all right?

There's food on the floor.
We're cleaning
this [bleep] up.

-What the [bleep] is this?
-[Miles laughing]

[Stacy] I'm a grown-a*s man.
I don't share no room
with nobody.

-This is not gonna
cut it, bro.
-[laughing]

Are y'all serious?
Y'all joking, right?

Miles and I
haven't seen each other

or even had time
to talk to each other.

And it seems like
forever in a day,

and we're basically moving
in the same room together.

I don't share rooms.

-Oh, this is like, bunked up.
-First of all,
I'm not listening...

-I'm not gonna smell
y'all farts all night.
-[Joey laughing]

[Miles] My dad makes me feel
very uncomfortable.

He's very overbearing, and...

as a result of that,
I am a bit more quiet.

I do love my dad.

I wish we could be closer,
but...

[blows raspberry]

-[cell phone chimes]
-[Anthony] Hold on.

[blows whistle]
I got a message.

-[chattering]
-[Anthony] Come on, let's go!

-Andiamo.
-[women chuckle]

"It's time
for your next challenge.

Today is all about
letting your guard down.

When you are
able to do that,

you can be more honest
with yourself,

which allows you to form
stronger connections
with each other.

The challenge
is dads versus sons."

Oh, they're going down.

-[mouthing] Oh!
-[Michael] That's an easy win.

[Ashley] Where's
the competition?

"See... see
who can outperform...

each other in a sexy..."
Oh, [bleep]

-Oh, yeah, it's gonna be mean.
-[Joey] Oh, we're
winning this!

"...in a sexy striptease."

[all screaming] Oh!

[indistinct shouting]

-Let's go!
-[Chris] We got this!

No, we got this. We got this.
We're good. We good.

"And, ladies, get ready
because you are going
to be the judges."

-[Lannette] All right, now.
-"The winning team
will win a group date

with the ladies
for a night out on the town."

[all cheering]

[Sam] No [bleep] way
am I gonna have to

-get naked and grind on girls
in front of my dad.
-[chuckles]

[Anthony] Joe,
well, this ain't us.

This is not what
our family is about.

So, let's try to, you know,
keep it classy.

-No eye contact. [chuckles]
-[chuckling] No touching
each other.

I don't know.

All right, but we gotta
have a routine planned.

We need a plan.

Keep it simple.

And... where
it's kind of sexy,
kind of funny.

They're gonna
come in planning.

You already know that
these dads are coming in hot.

I don't want to be the one
left at the house
alone tonight.

-[bleep]
-Oh, yeah!

-Now, we in my groove!
-[laughing]

I want to dads here, okay?

We're not sitting home,
while our kids
are out on our date.

Here we go.
Winners never quit,
and quitters never win.

[Anthony] We are not
sitting home tonight.

[screaming]

Oh, my God.

[Chris] I can't lose
to my dad. Oh, God, no.

Not in a striptease.

[Crystal] Oh, boy!

[Kelly] Yes, take it off!

[all cheering, shouting]

[Chris] Y'all ready?
Let's do it.

[rhythmically clapping]

Take your time, baby.
I don't give a [bleep]
about that chair back there.

I'm focused on you,
baby girl.

What's up?

I need my boys
in the back on cue, though.

-Rhythm, way up.
-[Joey] Come on, Chris.

-[Chris] There we go.
-Come on, baby.

-[Chris] There we go.
-Yeah.

-[Joey] Ooh.
-[clapping continues]

-Ooh.
-[Joey laughs]

Oh, my God.

Oh, that's an effect, baby.
That's got a London effect.

Me and my dad
definitely have not dated
in the same pool.

Um, he's sort of
recently divorced.

So, I think
I'm gonna definitely be
walking on thin ice,

in terms of what I'm doing
around my dad.

He's gonna see some things
that he probably doesn't
wanna see.

I mean, this is a whole
new ballgame to me.

[all] One, two, three...

Four, we're going...
[vocalizing]

-Wait, wait.
-When are we
gonna do that?

Okay, so whenever
they do that, we're...
we're right here in step

or we're going forward
in step, like--

-We're going forward in step.
-[Michael] Okay.

-You changed that.
-[Michael vocalizing]

[Anthony]
This is definitely gonna
be a challenge.

These guys are younger,

maybe their bodies
are little tighter.

But I think the dads have
a little more swagger,
you know?

-Okay.
-So wait, Stacy.

Just so I get
this right. You--

Are you saying
we're gonna work
the room first,

then we all come back,
and then we start the routine?

-[Michael] Yeah?
-Yeah.

-Mmm-hmm.
-[Anthony] Okay, okay.

-All right? Okay.
-[Darren] Agree,
agree, agree.

[Michael] We're gonna have
to bring something

that the sons can't do.

Something that they can't
bring to the table.

The advantage that we bring
is, is experience.

Young men, they go in hard.

Older guys, they go in long.

So, I'm coming with the heat.

-I mean-- [laughs]
-[laughs]

We gotta win this date
with the girls, right?

Imagine our kids win it,

and we're stuck here
looking at each other,

-and they're out
with the girls.
-Yeah.

[Anthony] That'd be
a little [bleep] up.

[Michael laughs]

So, as you guys know,
I have a background
in the industry.

[Lannette] Hey, girl,
were you a stripper?

-[Barby] A proud one.
-[Crystal] Like...

[Lannette] Yeah.

-Yeah, exactly.
-[Christina] Yes, girl!

-Yes, I love it. I love it.
-[Barby] Yeah.

[Crystal] It's obvious
that Barby was a stripper

because she likes to get
all of the attention.

Why should I care?

You know, I thought
I was gonna make it into
the loving arms of Broadway,

but I ended up
on a strip club,
so... [laughs]

-You know, it is what it is.
-[Kelly laughs]

[Jami] I love it.

I see the side-eye.
I see the side-eye over there.

[Crystal speaking]

I can tell Crystal's
very uncomfortable
with my past.

And it's not even spoken.

It's very, like...

The bombastic side-eye.

I don't know.
She's being judgmental.

They gonna do
a crutch dance?

-[Lannette] Ah--
-Hey, don't talk
about crutches

'cause I'd like crutches.

-Aw!
-Wow!

-I didn't realize
this is all happening.
-Wait. Okay.

-I-- I--
-No, but what about
the other dude?

-So fast, girl!
-I really-- I really--

-What about St. Louis?
-I really wanna
go on a date with him

-and St. Louis.
-[Lannette] Right?

Because me and St. Louis,
we come from the same hood.

We were able to talk
about the same landmarks,
same streets.

I asked Joey how he felt
about me being his stepmom.

[women laughing]

Oh, wait, hold on.
Who else is feeling Anthony?

Anthony? That's
my goodfellas.

Crystal is like,
"And that's my baby
and that's my baby

and that's my baby."
They're all her babies.

But that's not gonna stop me
from I'm trying to get to know
whoever I want.

Hoes before bros? No.

I'mma be somebody's stepmom
before I leave here.

-[Lannette chuckles]
-[Crystal] I ain't lying.

[Barby] Yeah!

All right, girls,
let's bring the dads out.

-You ready?
-[women cheering]

[Lannette] You ready?
Let's do it!

-Come on out.
-Come on, daddies!

[Lannette] Whoo!

[women clamoring]

Yes!

[Ashley] Obviously,
it's really important

that we win the first
competition with the boys

because we've got
the opportunity

of going out on a date
with the lovely young ladies.

Since my divorce,
I've had two dates.

So, I think
it's really important

to get that connection,
to get the eye contact,

the touching, the moves.

-[Darren] Ladies?
-Yeah?

You guys ready
to go on a date tonight?

-Yes.
-Aw.

-Wait. Wait!
-So ready.

-Maybe.
-Y'all trying to play
with them little boys?

-[Anthony] Maybe?
There's no maybe.
-[Barby] Yeah. May the best--

[women cheering]

-[Jami] "Big Loads."
-[Kelly] "Big Loads."

[Jami] Wow!

Oh, my God.

-[Christina] Whoo!
-[indistinct conversation]

[Crystal] 'Big Loads."

-Go ahead
and warm it up for us.
-[Anthony] Go ahead.

-We'll take care of the rest.
-Let's see what you got, yeah.

-We're all ready. Go ahead.
-[Chris] Get in line, boys.

[Crystal] Oh, [bleep].

[upbeat jazz music playing]

[rhythmically clapping]

All right,
all right, all right.

[laughs]

Go, Jacob!

-Oh!
-[Crystal] Oh, yeah!

-[Jami] Hey, hey, hey, hey!
-[Crystal] Okay.

[Lannette] Yeah. Okay.

[Kelly] Oh, no.

[women speaking indistinctly]

[Lannette] I have one word
to describe an experience

where a younger guy
is doing a striptease
in front of his father.

That is "trauma."

-[music continues]
-[indistinct conversation]

[women exclaiming]

The idea
of seducing women
in front of my dad

is definitely, I think,
it's a taboo thing
for anyone, right?

-Yeah. You've got your mother
to think about as well.
-[Jacob] Oh, my God.

-[Ashley] Um--
-Don't get started on that.

-[Ashley laughs] I know.
-[laughs]

[women cheering]

-[Crystal] Yes!
-Lordy, lordy, lordy!

[women exclaiming]

-[Michael] Okay, y'all...
-[Christina] Yes!

[Crystal] Oh! Lord, help us.

-Oh!
-[Christina] Lord,
have mercy!

[women cheering
and applauding]

I've never actually done
a striptease with my dad

looking over my shoulder,
just looking into my soul.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, we're gonna have
to go to therapy together.

-I'm like... [shudders]
-[laughs] Hmm.

[women cheering]

-Good job, good job!
-All right, boys. Nice job!

-Now it's time to make
room for the dads.
-Whoo!

[Michael] We know women.

You just can't come in
and go... [grunting] bam,
bam, boom, bam, bam!

You gotta set it up.

We're gonna be laid back.

And we're not trying
to drop anything too hot,

because I... I know
I go down too low,

-I'm like, "Oh, Lord.
Somebody help me."
-God... [laughs]

[laughs]

Ladies, please let me welcome
Rod's Pipe & Drain.

-[Barby] Yeah, baby!
-[women cheering]

[seductive music playing]

We are here
to clean your drain.

Your [bleep] is our goal.

No pun intended,
but we had a handicap. Me.

I'm on crutches.
So I couldn't dance.

So we had to come up
with a quick strategy

and we decided I would
kind of be the emcee,
a little Magic Mike action.

Take it off!

[Darren] Show 'em some skin.

Let's go, Pipes,
show 'em a little skin!

[Jacob] I... I watched
for a couple of seconds

while I could take it,
and then the cringe
started to kick in.

I mean, you're a...
You're not a bad dancer.

You're a bit of a dad dancer,
I won't lie.

[chuckles] Uh, the--
All the dads were
dad dancers, actually.

Yeah.

[Barby] Show me what you got,
right about here.

These daddies, uh,
have got going on tonight
in the striptease.

Between the body language,
the shaking and grinding.

And there's Ashley,
and I'm like, "Whoa!"

These dads are turning us on
right now, for sure.

[Lannette] Wow.

[women exclaiming]

I do see that the sons
are embarrassed

by the fact that some
of the dads do have better abs
than their own sons.

Anthony, he keeps himself
in great shape.

-[women cheering]
-[Darren] And we are
Rod's Pipe & Drain.

Your [bleep] is our goal!

-[Barby] Yeah! Whoo!
-Oh, my word.

-Fade to black!
-[women exclaiming
and cheering]

[Barby] Whoo!

[Christina] Damn!

[cell phone chimes]

[Jami] Hey, guys,
listen to this.

"Ladies, you've seen
all the moves.

It's time for you to decide
which team wins.

The fathers or the sons.

Men, give the ladies
some space

as they take a moment
to discuss and decide
the winner."

[Chris] It's the dads versus
the sons on this one.

So besides the fact
that the younger guys

get a chance
to take the women out,

it's just the fact
that, like, I can't lose
to my dad as well.

We'll see you in a bit.

[Barby] You have
the younger guys

who have obviously
less body fat, more abs.

But then you have the dads
with more experience
and better moves

than some of the younger guys,
and it's not how you look

when you take off
your little dinky costume.

It's also who you want
to get to know better
going forward.

As much as I do like Jacob
and we're vibing,

I mean, the dads
are so hot.

It's anyone's
game right now.

Bye!

Can I talk to you outside?

[Crystal] Oh, Lord.

Holy [bleep].
It's about to go down.

-[Barby] You're
gaslighting me.
-I'm not gaslighting you.

I'm friends with women
that are much worse than you.

-Much worse than me?
There it is.
-Okay. Well, I mean, for real.

-I think we made our decision.
-Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina] The dads
and sons just performed,

and the ladies
get to choose the winner

for a night out on the town.

-[Chris] Yeah,
they're worried.
-[Joey] They're scrambling.

You can see they're worried.
They worried--

[Sam] They're like all...

[Jacob] I'm hoping to go
on a second date with Barby.

So there is no option
but to win.

There's definitely
a possibility that Barby
could form a connection

with the dads tonight,
and I'm a little bit nervous,
to be honest.

All right, guys,
with much deliberation,

and it was
a hard decision...

we've decided...

we're going
with the daddios!

[all exclaiming]

-That's what
I'm talking about. Yeah!
-[women cheering]

[Darren] Yeah, baby!

Somehow, by the grace of God,
uh, the... the older men won.

I must say, I don't know
how that happened,

but they did.

Sorry, boys.

[all laughing]

Many of them aren't convinced
you guys won.

Many of who?
All the women agreed.

-I was even told
that it was my announcing.
-[Sam] Seems like some of--

-Uh, you definitely--
-[Darren]
My Matthew McConaughey.

-That kinda carried it.
-We were--

We were told to do
a stripping routine.

There was nothing routine
about your guys'.

-Your guys' was
organized chaos.
-You're right.

It was... it was exceptional.
It wasn't routine.

-Yours was routine.
-No. It was
an organized chaos.

-All right, ladies!
-[Darren] All right, ladies.
Let's go!

All right, let's go!
Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go!
Let's go! Let's go!

[Barby] Bye-bye.

[Joey] We just lost
the striptease to our fathers.

We are gonna just be
sitting on our asses
right here tonight.

We're not leaving.

Not finding love tonight.
Absolutely not.

♪ I wanna let go right now

♪ Speed it up
Slow it down ♪

[Kelly] This is
such a fun night.

[Crystal laughs] St. Louis,
you gotta keep up now.

So, I'm so excited
to get out of the house

and go on a date
with these guys

because this gives me a chance
to get to know them better.

If there are any other women
that are interested

in the same guys
that I'm interested in,

especially Stacy and Darren,
I don't have a strategy.

I'm gonna be me.

And I already know
they're gonna pick me
just because of who I am.

-Whoo!
-Here we come.

-Whoo!
-[Jami] Yeah.

[rock music playing]

-Right here.
-[Lannette] Oh,
you're perfect.

[Barby chuckles]
I did it.

[Kelly] Right here, guys.
Right here.

Oh, nice.

Prefect, right?
How nice is this?

Well, you know, the women
have been playing with
the little young boys

for a little while now,
you know, baby, baby,

breastfeeding them,
I don't know.

But it's time
for the men to step up.

It's time for them to come
to some real men,

to take 'em out,
show 'em how gentlemen act.

And I know they're not
getting that treatment

from the... from
the boys, at all.

[rock music playing]

[Anthony] That's what we need.

-A nice shot of tequila.
-[Crystal] Hey! Hey!

-And then we'll line them up.
-Hey!

[Barby] Guys!

Thank you, sir.

[Anthony speaking]

-No.
-All right.

I'm having a good time
with the dads at the bar.

I've kinda got my eyes
on Anthony

just 'cause he's so different.

He's not my type at all,
but he has sort of an energy

about him
that's very appealing.

The guys I go for
are usually broke,

not that smart
and not that nice.

It's gonna be crazy
having a choice

between the dads
and the sons,

especially seeing that Joey
is so hot and cute,

and then so is his father.

It could get
a little confusing.

Oh, you're fine.

[Anthony] I know.
I know!

You're right.

[laughs]

[rock music playing]

[all exclaiming and cheering]

Whoo-hoo! Whoo!

[Barby] Wow.

Excellent.

[Crystal and Stacy laugh]

[both laughing]

[Crystal] So, I see Barby
dancing with Darren.

And I'm like,
"Are you serious
right now?"

Like, you know,
I know that she knows
that I'm interested in Darren.

[sighs] It's about to be
a night.

[rock music playing]

-[Barby] Yeah!
-[Darren speaking]

[chuckles]

[Crystal] Mmm-hmm.

[Darren speaking]

Okay.

Too soon to be saying
someone is off limits.

Like, girl,
what are you doing?

Fair game.

It's not the time.

No one is off-limits.

Not yet.

[Darren] A cosmo.

She called Darren her man?

[Crystal speaking]

-I do?
-You have a gorgeous--

Thank you. So do you.

[Crystal speaking]

Seeing Crystal act this way
triggered me a little bit

because I had told myself
that was not going to make

the same mistakes
that I typically do,

which is find the girl
with the most drama

and go date her.

-Excuse me.
-I'm gonna go sit down

-'cause my... my dogs
are barking.
-All right.

But then again,
Crystal and Barby are so hot.

[laughs]

Again, like, you got a seven
on your first one, you win.
'Cause after you...

-[continues indistinctly]
-Can I talk to you outside?

My feet hurt. What's up?
I'm getting a drink.
What's up?

-Have a seat.
-No, I don't wanna do it here.

-You wanna talk
to me outside?
-Yeah.

Oh, Lord. Okay.

I'll be right back, y'all.

Oh, Lord.

[Christina] I definitely feel
that there is heat

in the air tonight
with Barby and Crystal.

There's... there's definitely
a dynamic going on,

and we were like,
"Holy [bleep].

It's about to go down."
[laughs]

Girl, you got
a [bleep] problem.

-I don't have
a [bleep] problem!
-[Crystal] Bye!

I don't give a [bleep] about
what the [bleep] you've done.

Sit your punk a*s down!

-Yeah. Yeah.
-My punk a*s?

[Crystal] What's up?

I... I think that we started
off on the right foot.

-Mmm-hmm.
-[Barby] And I was excited
to room with you,

but I'm getting some
weird tension from you.

Like, every time I talk
about being a stripper
in my past,

you get really kind of
uncomfortable or mad,

or you turn your back to me
or you get, like,
snarky with me.

And every single time
that I'm talking to somebody
that you're interested in,

you get upset with me,

when it's all of us
just talking to everybody,

trying to get
to know everybody.

-Like, I'm not--
-Like who?

You did it
with Darren tonight.

Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

First of all,
if you were a stripper,

I don't give
a [bleep] about that.

But then why do you get weird
every single time

-it comes up?
-[Crystal] I don't get weird.

-[Barby] No, you're
gaslighting me right now.
-No, no.

-I'm not gaslighting you.
-[Barby] You're gaslighting
me, [bleep].

Girl, I don't give
a [bleep] about you being
no [bleep] damn stripper.

I've been... I'm friends
with women that are
much worse than you.

-Much worse than me?
There it is.
-[Crystal] Okay. Well, I mean,

-for real.
-[Barby] Much worse than me.

Okay. So, what?
For real?

Girl, [bleep].

-Hi. Can I sit right
in the middle of you guys?
-You okay, girl?

Can I let you slide in?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm so sorry.

-Your foot--
-No, it's okay.

[Barby]
When I confront Crystal,

she was trying to make me
look like I was crazy
for bringing up all the things

that she was actually doing
in front of me.

She's going after Stacy
and Darren and Anthony,

and being weird and rude
to me about my past,

and she's just not being
very nice to me.

-[Stacy] You good?
-Ooh. Yeah.

She ain't got no other
re-- reality but to be good.

I don't even understand
what that means.

[Crystal] Girl, look.
I'm good.

-[Ashley] You okay, Crystal?
-[Crystal] How y'all doing?
Y'all good?

-[Ashley] Yeah.
-[Crystal] I'm good.

Basically, I got called out
on some bull [bleep]

about somebody's
what they do with their life,

that I don't [bleep]
care about.

[scoffs] That's what that was,
but I ain't the one.

You already know.

So, what I really think
it is, is that Barby
must have thought

that she was going to be
the woman in the house

that was going to get
all of the attention.

And then here we are,
at the bar,

and I'm getting
called out for...

acting a certain way
because she said
she's a stripper.

Like, girl,
get out of here.

-If you've got a problem with
you being a past stripper...
-[Barby] I did.

-...then that is
your problem.
-I don't.

But I don't give a [bleep]
if you go out there

and sell your [bleep] there
on the corner.

-I don't give a [bleep], okay?
-[Barby] Treat me like
it [bleep] matter.

[Crystal] We all got
a [bleep] damn past.

So why do you feel bad
about you being a stripper?

-I don't feel bad!
-[Crystal] So--

I feel bad when women
who have children like me
and you judge me for it.

What did I do
to judge you?

Historically, seeing
women fight like this
is not unattractive.

This is the type of women
that I always go for.

I had just made
the decision

that I was gonna go
for something
a little less spicy.

Normally, it's,
no, I'm the moth,

that drama is the flame,
and I fly into it and die.

But the new me,
this is a red flag.

-Excuse me.
-[Crystal] Not something
that I might have said, okay?

Girl, you got a [bleep]
problem. Get the [bleep]
out of my [bleep] damn face.

-I don't have
a [bleep] problem.
-[Crystal] Bye!

-Bye! Bye.
-And here you go.

There you go,
sit in the middle.

[Crystal] I ain't got
to sit in the middle.
I ain't got

-to sit in the middle.
-[Barby] Take
whatever you want.

-Get yourself a jet
and buy a--
-[Crystal] [bleep] you.

That's what it is.

-No, it's the other
way around.
-[Crystal] No. Whatever.

-Bye.
-Don't [bleep] try me.

Because you
a [bleep] damn stripper?

I don't give a [bleep]!

[Lannette] The screaming match
between the two ladies,

for me personally,
is unacceptable.

I don't think that Barby
and Crystal are necessarily
acting like the most mature,

refined women right now,
and I do see how it could

potentially give
the rest of us a bad rap.

I don't give a [bleep] about
what the [bleep] you've done.

-[Barby] You said,
"Worse than you."
-No, no.

-I ain't said [bleep] to you.
-[Ashley] Come on--

-[Barby] "Worse than you."
-Sit your punk a*s down.

[Barby] My punk a*s?

-My punk a*s?
-Sit your punk a*s down.

-Yeah. Yeah.
-My punk a*s?

-[Crystal] Yeah.
-Whoo!

She better throw it
at the floor

'cause she ain't gonna
throw it at me.

[Barby] Crystal is obviously
gaslighting me

into believing
that my experience
is not the truth.

No, [bleep] that [bleep]!

[Barby] My punk a*s!

[Crystal] At this point,
I'm like, "Girl, why are
you really pissed off?"

I mean, just really,
just go ahead
and admit the truth.

You're mad at me
because I'm getting
more attention,

and you thought that you were
gonna be queen bee up in here,

and you not."

[Chris] Whoo! Barby!

[Jacob] Are they back?

What's going down?
What's going down?

[Barby] Just grab
all my [bleep].

Everything on this bed
is mine.

With Barby moving out, uh,
clearly, there are some
hard feelings.

Do you think I was wrong?

Like you said,
"You don't throw objects,
you throw hands."

-[Crystal] I throw hands.
-[laughs]

[woman] We're gonna have
an experience of sexual yoga.

Can you please
snuggle a bit closer?

[Joey] I'm trying
to, like, stay focused,

-but how do you do that
when your dad's there?
-It's just--

[Jami] I've been holding
a secret,

and I have to get it
off my chest.

The reason why I'm not
having a connection is...

Oh.

Who the [bleep] is that?

[Christina] What the hell
is this girl doing here?

Is she here
for what we're here for?

Is she here
to just stir [bleep] up?

What's going on?