01x04 - Guy's Day

[bunniefuu]

Have a fun golf day
with the girls, tam.

Aw thanks, hun.

It's a beautiful day
to get outside and...

[whispering]
kick their asses.

Oh yeah. I always do.

Yeah, that's my girl.

So what are you gonna do today?

Ahhh I don't know.

I'll figure something out.

Love you!!!

Love youuuu! Mwah
mwah mwah mwah!

[♪♪]

[tv] - and he makes the
catch in the endzone!

Damnit! Were both his feet in?

Ahhh, there goes my parlay.

Hey, go birds!

Yooo jinglebells! You made it!

Gotta be honest david,

I did not think you'd be down

For the debauchery of a classic,

Mark hoagies guys day.

Guys day! Guys day!

Comin' atcha!

Oh wow. This is cool.

This is like a beer
commercial from 2003. Nice.

You know it.
We got it all, david.

We got beer, hot wings,

A little sports wagering,

A little corn-hole action.

The game, david.

Don't get excited.

Hah, h*m*. Cool.

And the best part is,

Tammy's out
golfing with the girls

So there's no women
around to bust our ba*ls.

This is a judgment-free zone,

Where dudes can be dudes.

Right, yeah.

It's like finally we have
a safe space for our uh...

Marginalized community.


Speaking of which,

Have you met dan here?

He's kind of a nerd,

Does like, computer stuff.

I feel like you guys
might get along.

Cool. Sup dan.

Ok I'll let you guys nerd out.

I'm gonna go do this thing where
I throw a football over the roof

And then run through the house
and catch it on the other side.

It's very cool.

So yeah,

How 'bout this ai stuff,

Right? It's crazy!

Dude a.I. Is unreal.

Check this out.

Oh my god.

What am I looking at?

Ai-generated lord
of the rings porn

But I mapped my
third grade teacher's face

Onto all the hobbits.

Ah. Oh..

Woah, would you look at that?

It's already 10:15,

I gotta get going.

It's so great to meet
you dan I'll see you later.

Okay, you guys ready?

Uh. You sure about this, mark?

Uh yeah, hank.

If a bunch of teenagers
on tiktok can do it,

Then I can definitely do it.

Okay here we go!

Oof!

[glass smash]

Damnit!

Forgot to open the sliding door.

[♪♪♪]

♪ well, I used to work
at a hot dog factory. ♪

♪ until them
robots came along. ♪

♪ and now
there is no job for me ♪

♪ but I get 3,000
bucks a month ♪

♪ thanks to ubi

♪ now we're
universal basic guys. ♪

♪ it may not
sound like much. ♪

♪ but we're
still gonna try ♪

♪ we're just
universal basic guys ♪

Okay guys!

Trying it one more time!

[tammy pulls up]

Uh oh.

Alright here we go!

Ugh!

Watch out! Watch out!

Yo I got it I got
it I got it I got it!

Mark!? What the hell?

Tammy!?

What are you doing back?

Huh, nice to see you too.

Nah I just mean, you know,

We're kinda doing guys day here.

You're not the only one.

Oak ravine country
club didn't even let us in.

Apparently, it's
a men's only club.

What?

That's disgusting.

They don't deserve
your business.

You should go play
somewhere else.

No! I don't want to
play anywhere else,

On principle.

I totally get it,

But also, you can't
really be here.

On principle.

Why not?

Okay, how do I put this?

In today's diverse
and integrated society,

Which of course I cherish-

Mark, where are
you going with this?

What I'm trying to say here is,

From a mental
health perspective,

It's vital that men
have a safe space

To engage in uninhibited
male expression,

Untainted by,

How do I put this politely...

Persons of a...

Vaginal persuasion.

Uch, okay, mark. I get it.

Don't worry.

I'm not gonna bother you guys

So you can go funnel
wings into your butt

Or whatever immature man-child
stuff youse do on guys day.

See? You're judging.

Uch fine,

I'm going inside.

Aw, what the hell?!

What happened to the back door??

Ugh can't do anything fun.

Alright you know what,

I'm getting you into oak ravine.

Oh yeah?

Not a single woman
has played on that

Golf course in over a 100 years,

And you think that you're
just gonna March in there

And "sort this out
real quick?" pfft.

Yeah. I'm gonna handle it.

Because combatting
sexism is a man's job.

Name?

Mark hoagies.

I don't have that name
on the member list.

I'm a guy, okay?

Can you just open the gate?

I just need to talk to
the manager real quick.

Sorry, pal.

Doesn't work like that.

What are you talking
about, I thought this was like

A men's club.

This is a private
club. Members only.

There he is!

How you doin, buddy?

Everyday at the ol' boys
club is a good one.

Alright.

You have a good one, now!

Oak ravine?

Mark, you're talking
about one of the most

Prestigious country
clubs in the world.

I know, dude. The place
looks fricken classic.

I gotta get in.

I didn't think you liked golf?

It's not about the golf, hank.

It's about being a part of an
exclusive private men's club.

I mean this place is
guy's day on steroids.

I gotta be a part of that.

Oh yeah, keep dreamin', pal.

Not only do you need
a letter of recommendation

From one of the
billionaire board members,

But the initiation
fee alone is 500k.

Woah.

Pfft! That's it?

Yo, no problem.

And the final score,

Minnesota 31, carolina 15.

Aw, hell yeah.

You like the vikings?

Naw, I was just looking
for them to cover.

Now all I need is the other


And I've got the five hundred
g's to get into oak ravine baby.

Wow, you really think
you got a chance?

Yeah, I got a pretty good
feeling about this one.

Check it out.

In other news,

Princeton university
has canceled

All public tours
of its computer lab

After a man accessed their
quantum supercomputer,

And used it to predict the
outcomes of sporting events.

Yo that was me, hank!

Ooh, that's genius.

So you think I can also
get into oak ravine?

I'll tell you what: You
can be my caddie.

Awesome.

Okay, so you ready for your
first caddie mission?

Hell yeah.

I'm gonna need
you to get me a

Recommendation letter

From one of oak ravine's
billionaire board members.

Yeah okay.

- What are you doing?

What does it look
like I'm doing?

I'm driving ba*ls
into the woods.

[window breaks]
what the hell?

Dammit!

You know, you've got some
expensive equipment here,

For someone who
doesn't even play golf.

Golf is all about
the optics, tam.

Wait a minute, what's this?

An application? For oak ravine?!

Are you freakin' kidding me?!

Tammy, I'm only
doing this for you.

-Oh yeah?
-Yeah!

I don't even like golf.

But when my girl's upset,

I gotta do whatever it
takes to make it right.

By joining the club that
doesn't let women in?

Tammy, sometimes change
can only come from within.

It could take weeks, months,

Even a generation,

But I am committed to
the cause of feminism.

Hah, sure, hun.

By the way, doesn't that
place cost a fortune to join?

Wow.

Wow. I can't believe
what I'm hearing

From one of the
“strongest” women I know.

Imagine if martin
luther king would've said

'you know what? I don't have
a dream anymore because,

Too expensive'

Or if ghandi would've said,

'you know what, I'm just
gonna eat some food now

Because it's too
expensive to not eat.'

Or if feminist
icon gloria estafan

Never bought that
pink vag*na hat,

Where would we be now?

Where would we be now, tam?

Mark, I'm gonna be the
first woman to tee off

At oak ravine and I
don't need your help.

[dramatic music]

Tee time, ellen. Heh-heh...

[door bell]

May I help you?

Sorry to bother you,
ms. Gobblestone.

I'm tammy hoagies.

Would you consider
yourself a feminist?

I would.

Well I was recently made aware
of a very sexist establishment

And I was wondering if you
could help make a change.

Oh, dear. What kind of
establishment is this, exactly?

Your husband's little golf club.

You know, the one that
doesn't let women in.

I see.

I'm afraid I don't have
time for such petty concerns.

But I wish you the best of luck.

Your husband is on
the board of this club.

Is he now?

Maybe you could talk to him.

If anyone could influence
a change, it's you.

We have to pick
our battles, dear.

Okay, okay...

Well, I've picked mine.

And I'm playing
that damn course.

Listen here, tammy.

Sometimes it's best
to let sleeping dogs lie.

[phone call]
- yo.

Yo, you get that rec yet?

I'm working on it.

Awesome, dude.
Okay I gotta go, hank.

Uconn girls softball
is about to start.

I need this freshman
to throw a perfect game.

Man, there's gotta
be a billionaire

Around here somewhere.

Hell yeah.

Uh hey bill.

So just wanna say,
thanks for windows.

They're one of my
favorite things to look out of.

Right.

So who do I make this out to?

Oh, uh, just write,

"to whom it may concern..."

And, uh, something like,

"I, bill gates,
recommend my good friend

And all-around rich, cool guy,

Mark hoagies,

To be a member at the
oak ravine country club."

Oh, can you hit undo
on this, it's not--

Next.

"to whom it may concern...
[mumbles as he reads]

Bill gates doesn't know
how to spell "recommend?"

Aw come on. You know
how these computer guys are.

They've been using
spell check for so long,

They don't even know how
to write with their hands.

So true.

I have always said that

Computers are
rotting our brains.

And you have the initiation fee?

One second please.

Now up in the archery world
finals is akmash tartalzyk,

The seventeen-year-old former
goat herder from uzbekistan

Who is now one shot
away from a championship.

Come on akmash...

And bullseye! He's done it!

Hell yeah!

The money is no problem.

And what's your handicap?

With all due respect,

I don't think you're
allowed to ask that.

Mr. Hoagies,

This is one of the most pristine

And difficult
courses in the world.

We need to make sure
you won't be hacking it up.

What do you sh**t?

I mean... A lot of birdies?

Eagles? Yeah,
I do a lot of eagles.

You do a lot of eagles?

He actually once
got a hole-in-one.

Did you, now?

Yeah. Bounced off the windmill

And went right through
the gorilla's legs.

Ow! Get off me!

What the hell?!

This part of the interview
is really just a formality.

Just need to make sure you
don't sh**t over 200, okay?

Pfft! No problem.

Okay here we go.

Ah, dammit! Warming up.

Just warming on up.

Oh my god.

He's at 199...

Driver? Hank why're
you giving me a driver

We're four feet from the hole.

I like the driver.
It's my favorite club.

It's not about
your favorite club,

It's about the “best”
club for the situation.

Give me the wedge.

Damnit.

Unfortunately, after your
performance here today,

We cannot accept you
into oak ravine country club.

Wow. I guess
I'm the only one

Here who actually loves golf.

Oh yeah? You love golf?

Buddy, you hacked up that course

Like you caught it
in bed with your wife.

Let me tell you something, pal.

I could have easily
shot a sixty-five,

But I chose not to,
out of respect.

All you speed golfers
rushing through the course

With your 63s and
your holes-in-ones,

But not me.

I play the ball from all angles.

From the velvet fairways
to the soft sands in the trap

To the backyard of the guy

Whose window
I shattered off hole twelve.

Guys like me,

We don't care about the
number on the scorecard,

We care about the experience.

If that means
I can't be a member,

So be it.
Let's go hank!

Wow. I wish I loved anything
the way that man loves golf.

Mark! Wait!

Arthur. Don't be an idiot.

As the head of the board
of oak ravine country club,

I hereby welcome
our newest member.

Whoa,

Where am I?

Hello tammy.

Ellen?

You had questions about the
men's little "golf" club.

Here's the only answer you need:

It exists because
we allow it to exist.

Welcome to the lady lair.

- Woah.

What is this place?

You are in the headquarters
of an elite group of females,

Sworn to combat the issues that
affect women across the globe.

Like sexist golf clubs!

Tammy, our husbands
are very powerful,

But men like that
are insatiable.

They will take, take, take

Until they've
sucked the world dry.

Golf distracts them
from their ambitions.

While they're playing
games, we're...

Reallocating some funds
for our "feministic pursuits."

So when you say
"feministic pursuits,"

What exactly are we
talking about here?

See for yourself.

[dramatic music]

[hanger doors open]

Welcome to oak ravine.

Oh man. This place is classic.

Oooh. They got the
classic suede chairs.

We got the classic
wood-paneling!

You got the classic
popcorn machine-- ooh, ooh!

Oh my god,

If this guy says
'classic' one more time-

Oh, come on, gerald.

Remember how you
were on your first day?

Woah. They got a fricken
bathroom just for pooping...

Oh my god, unbelievable!

Yo, this all free?

No women. No rules, baby.

This place is fricken' awesome.

Oh,

That is “not” whipped cream!

[jet engines]

Okay, ladies.

You know what to do...

Um. Ellen?

You're with me.

Oh, um, ha pardon me...

Hang on!

Whoooooaaaahhhh!

For the crime of reading
a science book,

You are sentenced to death.

Hello, boys.

Lady fighters?

Laundry day is tomorrow
if you want to stick around.

Ladies, light 'em up.

[lasers]

What is these cramps?!

This is the worst
pain I ever feel!

Menstrual beam.

Ugh. Agh.

You suffer this every month?!

“and” you have to deal
with the men's bull crap?

All clear.

Paula, do your thing.

[click]

[bump]

[click, click, click]

[thump]

[jet engines]

Little better than a round
of golf, don't you think?

Those poor girls...

They're never gonna
get to play at oak ravine.

Ugh let it go, tammy.

That golf course
is nothing more than

A playground for man-children.

We are liberating oppressed
women across the globe!

Yeah and I think that's,
ya know, great and all, but--

Good.
Because I just got word

Your husband has been
accepted to oak ravine.

Are you fricken kidding me?

Congratulations are in order:

You're officially one of us.

So what's your deal?
How 'd you get rich?

Well, my family's been
in the railroad business

Since the hayes administration

And under my watch we've
become the world leader

In freight shipping logistics.

How about you?

Woo, man, where do I start?

First I needed the
vikings to cover.

Then I needed a third round
knockout from martinez.

After that I needed the girl
from baylor to hit five threes,

And then after that I need-

Wait a minute.
Are you describing a parlay?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I won a parlay.

Well, arthur.

Your golf lover over
there hasn't played

A single round since joining.

All he does is hang out
in the clubhouse all day

Eating pheasant wings
and yelling "guys day!"

Come on, gerald.

He's just having fun.

Joe seems to be getting
along with his caddie, alright.

So here's my idea:
Clear mustard.

Clear mustard?

That's interesting.

Huh. Very interesting.

Hoagies! Coming atcha!

[thump]

[loud music]

Wooo!!/yo hoagies!!/
place is sweet!/classic, right?

Oh yeah.
Guests have arrived.

Yo yoooo!! What's up boys!!!

Oh hell yeah.

This is the good stuff.

[glug, glug]

Yo, that tastes just
like the civil w*r.

Ooh, yeah. These are
some serious puros, baby.

Yo, anyone know
the wifi password?

Okay, here we go
I'm doin' it again!!!

Ughh!!

Watch out! Watch out!

Agh! Damnit!

[smash]

[thump]

Boom.

Nailed it. Hank,
did you get that?

Were you filming?

Alright, fine.

I think we may have
a hoagies problem.

Okay ladies.

We'll be infiltrating
the headquarters

Of a romanian
sex trafficking ring-

- Excuse me.

Can I propose a mission?

- Yes tammy?

I just think, ya know,

Before we solve
the world's problems,

We could address some of the

Patriarchal concerns
here at home?

Tammy, give it up.

Let the men have
their stupid golf course.

Who cares?

You know, if amelia
earhart would have called it

Just a "stupid airplane"-

Are you comparing
yourself to amelia earhart?

I mean...

Not yet.

You look like an oil man.

You an oil man?

No, I'm in tech.

Oh yeah? You should
hire these two clowns.

You guys work in tech?

I dabble in a little
programming.

Oh yeah?

What kind of stuff you work on?

Well, I recently
modded elder scrolls

So all the dragons
have huge dongs.

Oh...

I'm telling you these
two are like rain man

When it comes to technology.

Yo, check it out:
This morning they rigged

My ankle monitor so the cops?

They think I'm
at home right now.

Mark, can we have a word?

We have an
incredible opportunity

That we would like
to share with you.

Oooh yeah. This like
an insider trading thing?

'cause I'm in.

It's more of an investment
in your future.

There's another club,
a more prestigious club,

That's interested
in recruiting you...

I mean... I don't know,

I already put 500k
down on this place--

And that would be refunded.

- With interest.

I mean, that's pretty good mark.

Nope! Nah, I'm too loyal!

You guys are my boys now!

C'mere you, come on. Ahh -

Can't put a price
tag on guys day!

Time for an emergency
board meeting.

The offer... Was refused.

[groans]!

This whole place smells
like farts and cologne!

His fat friend ran over john
boehner with a golf cart!

You think that's bad?
Our stock dropped eighty percent

After I followed
his caddie's advice

To develop a clear mustard.

Uh, that's on you joe.
The bottom line is:

Hoagies has to go.

Can't we just kick him out?

That's a slippery slope, fred.

We could have him k*lled.

I don't know.

That got a little
messy with epstein.

Oh, yeah yeah yeah.

They're obsessed
with this guys day crap.

It's like they're stuck in the
dumbest episode of the man show.

Seems like that's the only
reason they're even here.

Guys day.

You know,

There's always the...
Nuclear option.

Okay ladies,

Let's run through it again.

Kim, you cut the power.

Paula, you flank right.

I'll go left.

And our rear is covered by...

[beep]

Tammy?

What are you doing?

Sorry, ladies...

Gotta break that grass ceiling.

Woo! Foreeeeeeee!

[action music]

Huh? Hey!

Sorry to cramp your style.

Heh heh.
[laser]

At least...

Leave me...
With... Some advil...

And a warm compress...

And a way to watch
vampire diaries.

One small swing for tammy,

One giant drive for womankind-

[laughter]

[cheering]
what the hell?

Man, that was an
all time guys day.

Totally worth five
hundred thousand dollars.

Boom! Suck it, hank.
Proximity mine!

Night night!
- Damn.

That's ten in a row, hank.

You know what that
means: You gotta eat a q-tip.

Uhhh--- hey, mark?

Wait a minute, what the hell?

[dramatic music]

What's going on, guys!?
This place was classic!

It was forever guys day!

A last bastion of
untainted male expression!

This was meant to be
a club for gentlemen,

Not immature,

Obnoxious man-children
like you and your friends.

Wow! You know what,
you rich jerks

Are even judgey-er
than my wif-fi pa-wifi.

You got the wifi,
the uh, wifi password?

You know,

I now understand what
my granddaughter means

By toxic masculinity.

Thanks to you, mark hoagies,

We have decided to end our


not allowing women.

I'm glad you finally
came to your senses.

It's high time this
place catches up

With the rest of the world.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go golf with my wife.

Hun, how 'd you like to
play a round with me

At oak ravine!?

- Sure.

Hank, get the lady's bag please.

Well, tam.

Mission accomplished.

Guess you could
say I'm sort of the uh...

The male amelia earhart of golf.

Uh, just curious,

When were you
planning on telling me

They changed the rules?

Really, tam?

I end a hundred
year sexist policy

And now you're gonna
bust my ba*ls about it?

Unbelievable!

[stike]!

Oh, yeah.

Suck on that long one, mark.

Not bad, not bad.

Now let me show
you how it's done.

Okay, hank? Driver.

No hank. Damnit.

[joints cracking]

[whoosh]!

Golf sucks. I'm done.