02x04 - I Put a Spell on You

[bunniefuu]

Previously on SurrealEstate.

Thank you for making

my world so much bigger.

Hey! Luke.

I got my license today.

Well, that's great! Congratulations.

House, unlock the door!

House!

[SCREAM]

Luke, if you could still do what

you used to do, we wouldn't be here.

I'm always telling you to find

a better work-life balance.

This isn't about balance. This is about

getting out of here

and reassessing my life.

[OPENING THEME FADES OUT]

[CREEPY SCORE]

[ANIMAL HOOTING]

[LAUGHS]

You have to relax. I'm

just taking the shortcut.

[DRAMATIC BOOM]

Nah, it's perfectly fine.

The biggest thing in

these woods is a raccoon.

There's no bears or wolves.

No, all the chainsaw

murderers are still at camp.

What're you even Hang on.

Nothing.

[BRANCHES BREAKING]

Look, I'll be home in

ten or so. Okay, bye.

[INDISTINCT WOMAN'S VOICE ECHOING]

Hello?

[INDISTINCT WOMAN'S VOICE ECHOING]

[INDISTINCT WOMAN'S VOICE ECHOING]

[OPENING THEME]

- [DRAMATIC BOOM]

- [GRUNT]

[SCREAMING]

[MAN SCREAMING]

[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHING]

Mm

House, call the condescending,

unappreciative jerk.

- Calling Luke Roman.

- [LINE TRILLING]

Don't pick up. Voicemail,

voicemail, voicemail.

[PIANO MUSIC FADES OUT]

You've reached Luke Roman.

I'm sorry I missed your call.

- Please leave a message.

- [ANSWERING MACHINE TONE]

Luke! Oh, darn. I was

hoping to talk to you.

I just wanted to let you

know that I'm going to need

a few more days away from the office.

I'll be sending you the contracts

on Bouvier, Santos and Padgett.

They're easy closings,

clean titles, approved loans,

you won't have any problems.

The Dunn-Herberts are

doing their usual dance.

It's probably a good

teaching moment for Zooey.

I'm dealing with some personal business,

so I'm not sure when I'll

be back in the office,

but seeing as nothing ever changes

at the perfect Roman Agency,

I'm sure you have

everything well in hand.

- Toodles.

- [CALL DISCONNECTING BEEPS]

[GIGGLING]

Hm.

The "toodles" was a bit much.

[HOUSE] It was a nice touch.

Cordial, yet dismissive.

Yeah. That's what I was going for.

Would you like some tea?

Yes.

- Yes, I would.

- [DEVICE CHIMES]

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[CONTENTED SIGH]

[LEAVES RUSTLING]

- Toodles?

- [GENTLE SCORE]

It's a hell of a house.

Yeah, built in 1893, historic, solid.

- Can't wait to bulldoze it.

- Well, you need to buy it first.

It's only polite.

As you can see, the

property line starts here.

The creek is on your

side. Plenty of room to

- What's that?

- Well, that is the lot

next to yours. It's just a

small place, barely a cottage.

- How much?

- I

I don't know if it's listed for sale.

If I own that lot,

I don't need to worry

about the easements.

I could build the pool area over here

and put the tennis court over here.

And the guest house

could be way over here,

so I'd hardly ever need to interact

with visiting relatives.

I don't even know if you'd see them.

Oh, yeah!

We'll reach out and get a price.

Don't worry about the price. Buy it.

Maybe we should close

on this property first,

- you know, get the ball rolling.

- We're going to do both deals at once.

I could never enjoy this lot

knowing that I can't have that lot.

That's just me.

All or nothing.

I'm gonna call my architect.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[GENTLE SCORE CONTINUES]

[DARKER SCORE]

[HIGH-PITCHED EERIE TONE]

[EERIE SCORE]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[DRAMATIC BOOM]

The house and underlying dirt

are owned by an

offshore holding company.

The only point of contact

is a law firm in Budapest.

Swell.

I reached out and left a message.

Yeah, we're not liking the odds

that we're going to

hear back anytime soon.

So, we have one sale

contingent on two properties.

This cabin in the woods is

creating more drama than the

- million dollar property.

- Mm-hm. Life is funny.

You know, I could have

sworn there was something

in that house, watching me.

You think maybe it was your, um

your mojo coming back?

Ah! Maybe it's growing

back, like a starfish leg.

No. Just old-fashioned paranoia.

You all set for today?

- Mm-hm.

- What's today?

I am taking my first

couple to look at houses.

Susan's taking her personal

days and I am covering.

Aw. Who's the victim? I

mean, who's the client?

[MOCKING] Aw, who's the victim.

The Dunn-Herberts. Lara and Freya.

[LAUGHING]

[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]

What?

[LUKE] The Dunn-Herberts

are our locally sourced

organic vegan lookie-loos.

[PHIL] They shop,

they kvetch and they never buy.

[SCORE ENDS]

Have fun.

Great. [SHUDDERING SIGH]

[DRAMATIC BOOMS]

Oh, my God. You did not do them justice.

This is like an Oscar Wilde

play about mistaken identity.

They're pretending to shop for a house

and I'm pretending this isn't

a complete waste of my time.

- Well, Susan felt the same way.

- When?

- Did you talk to her?

- Naw,

this was the last time Lara and Freya

took her for a spin.

Don't you think maybe

you should check in?

With Susan?

I'll see her at the charity

bowling thing this weekend.

Oh, right?

That's, like, mandatory, right?

You're an agent now.

It's part of the deal.

Yeah, just testing the

fence for weak spots.

Like a velociraptor.

Anything back from the

lawyers in Budapest?

It's been, like, half a day.

I don't want to be a 'pesht'.

- Oh, I see what you did there.

- [ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME]

- [ZOOEY LAUGHS, SIGHS]

- I k*ll me.

[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]

Oops. I gotta go be a receptionist.

Bye.

So

how much do we love it?

May I help you?

"Please call me.

You're about to win the lottery."

Oh!

You are the cabin in the woods!

I live in the house in the woods.

And I don't play the lottery.

I was being a little clever.

Very little.

Could we, uh, go in here and talk?

Now, why would we do that?

Well, if you leave, you'll never know.

[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE CONTINUES]

- [BUZZING FROM SPEAKER]

- [SCORE FADES OUT]

[BUZZING]

This all looks so science-y.

Hm. Vic Tandy,

a British engineer with

an interest in the occult,

experimented with infrasound,

or low frequency sound.

Less than 2Ohz. 18.5 to be exact.

Some called it the spirit frequency.

- [GENTLE SCORE]

- How's it work?

Well, he theorized that sending

vibrations out at that frequency

might start a dialogue with

God knows what.

So, this disk can be used

like a cochlear implant:

If something extra-normal reaches out

it should vibrate your cochlear nerve.

And start a dialogue.

So, if Luke wears this thing,

he'll have his Luke tingle back?

Well, I'm not certain

that it will enable him

to communicate verbally,

but it should enable

a certain intuition.

- Mm.

- The sense of a presence.

[SHARP INHALE]

Can we agree to never use the term

"Luke tingle" again?

Yeah, let's. Mind if I

take it for a test drive?

Be my guest.

[HIGH-PITCHED BUZZING]

Kinda tingly.

- [CACOPHONY]

- Ow! Damn!

- Wait, what's wrong?

- Oh!

It went batshit crazy,

like an expl*si*n of noises.

Really?

Ohh!

Oh, whoa.

So, that is what we are looking at.

- Hm.

- [SCORE FADES OUT]

Your running dog capitalist lackey

wants to buy my idyllic

cottage in the pastoral woods

and tear it down for his tennis courts.

Well, don't forget about

the pool and the guest house.

Yes. His desire to avoid

his relatives is so far

the only endearing thing about him.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Um, so, uh

[INTRIGUING SCORE]

what do you say?

No.

Kay. Kay?

Kay. [CLEARS THROAT]

I'm going to go way out

here on a limb ethically

and confide in you that

my client has way more

money than sense. He will

overpay for your property

to an alarming degree.

Oh.

Lucky, lucky me.

You didn't have to come here.

All I did was drop off a

not-so-clever business card.

You could have let

it go, but you didn't.

Fair enough.

Well, we could talk about this over

I don't know dinner?

I do have to eat. Occasionally.

- How about tonight? I could

- I have plans tonight.

Tomorrow?

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

My nights are full and rich,

so I like to eat early.

Maybe Friday?

Pick me up at my priceless

house around seven.

Okay.

- [ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME]

- [DOORS OPEN]

- Hm.

- [AUGUST] Who was that?

Luke?

Oh, just a homeowner.

I think you need to watch her.

Closely.

That's my plan.

[SCORE CRESCENDOS, FADES OUT]

[COYOTES HOWLING]

I think you're being a hamster.

Just because I won't lie for you?

It's hardly even a lie! If my mom calls,

just tell her I'm staying

with you that night!

I've stayed at your place lots of times!

And what if she wants to speak to you?

Then tell her I'm I'm in the shower!

Or I'm out by the pool

giving cardiac massage

to a drowning nun!

- Dude, work with me!

- [OMINOUS SCORE]

If my parents find out,

there's gonna be trouble.

They already don't like

Bruno?

Bruno?

Come on, Bru, quit screwing around!

Very funny. C'mon, let's

[UNINTELLIGIBLE TALKING]

[SCREAMING]

Bruno!

[ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME]

- [OMINOUS SCORE FADES OUT]

- [MISCHIEVOUS SCORE FADS IN]

Well, she said no. But in real estate,

"no" is where we start not where we end.

I'm sure that looks great

on a motivational poster

but it only pisses me off.

Listen, I'm having dinner

with the homeowner

on Friday night, so

Well, that's great, Luke.

Take her out to dinner, order some wine.

Hell, sleep with her if you have to,

but get me that property.

I'll do my best.

[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE FADES OUT]

[NEWS ANNOUNCER] and

the recent disappearance

to a tragic incident

two and half years ago

when the bodies of four teens were found

- completely drained of blood.

- [DOOR OPENING]

Police sources have neither

- [MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]

- Ladies!

Hi!

Tantalize me, Zooey. What

are we going to see today?

Tantalize me, Freya.

Is there a world in which you

two actually buy something?

You do know that real estate agents

only make money off of sales

and wasting an agent's time if you have

zero intention of buying is

the moral equivalent of

I don't know robbing a liquor store?

I hope we find something perfect.

Something to die for.

I hope we fall in love at first sight.

I hope we find something so perfect

that my checkbook leaps out of my purse

and writes an earnest money deposit

before I can stop it!

But probably not.

No.

[EXHALES] It's okay.

[SCORE FADES OUT]

[LUKE] Miranda, our client

is willing to drop 15 grand

off the price to repair the roof

but there's nothing

wrong with the floors.

Of course! And your people are welcome

to carpet over it when it's theirs!

It's unreasonable to

expect us to pay for them.

No, no, no, no, no. Those

maple floors are gorgeous.

Carpeting over them would

be an act of vandalism.

We're not going to

subsidize their bad choices.

Tell them about the 15

grand for the roof and then

tell them horror stories

about dust mites and mold.

Scare their children

and then call me back.

Okay, bye.

When there was only one set

of footprints in the carpet,

that's when you were carrying me.

What's up?

Tell me about that client

who was in yesterday.

Not really a client. She

owns one of the properties

Erik Toft wants to buy.

- What do you know about her?

- Not much.

Kay Bozer. She got an edge to her.

No bullshit.

Kind of refreshing.

When she was in the office, she

affected one of my devices.

[GENTLE SCORE]

What do you mean?

It operates at a certain frequency

that is sensitive to certain phenomena.

It could be a coincidence, but

the device operated properly

again the moment she left.

Will you be, uh, seeing the lady again?

We're having dinner

Friday, as a matter of fact.

Kinda hit it off. [CHUCKLES]

So it's, uh

not an insidious plan

to get her to sell?

No, my insidious plan

was to have a nice dinner

with an interesting lady.

My first since Megan, in fact.

Would you, uh, be open to

trying a sort of experiment?

This device is really quite subtle.

You wear it behind your ear.

- She won't even see that

- I don't think so

Luke, it's science.

No! It's a dinner date with a nice lady.

A nice lady

who might just vibrate at 18.5 hertz.

[SUCKS TEETH]

Let me see it.

See? No big thing.

I don't know. Feels creepy wearing a

metaphysical nicotine

patch on our first date.

Science is often creepy.

But, if it isn't activated,

she'll never know.

- And if it is?

- Run away.

Run like hell.

As fast as you can.

[SCORE CRESCENDOS, FADES OUT]

[ZOOEY SIGHS]

Ah! You're back.

- Oh-h*.

- [CHUCKLES]

They are k*lling me, Augie.

Not only are they draining me

of my will to sell real estate,

they are draining me of my will to live.

[AUGUST CHUCKLES]

You should talk to Luke.

Just, uh, not right now.

Why?

It seems that, uh,

one of Susan's clients

is involved in a transaction

with one of Rita's clients

and Rita is unhappy about

Susan's extended sabbatical.

Rita Weiss: America's

real estate sweetheart.

So, what else is happening

in the real world?

Well, let's see

Uh, Luke is still trying

to close the Toft deals.

He has developed a

post-professional interest

in the woman who owns

the adjacent property.

- My spirit frequency device was

- Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!

Did you just say post-professional?

He's hot for her?

Your words, not mine.

Oh, my God! That'll teach me

to leave the office, like, ever!

Who is she? What is she like?

We haven't met.

But she, uh

set off my device.

[GIGGLES]

Apparently she did the same for Luke.

[LAUGHS, SIGHS AT HER OWN CLEVERNESS]

[SIGHS]

[SCORE FADES OUT]

So, Luke tells me you're

a licensed agent now.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

- Hm.

- [MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]

You know, I always liked you, Zooey.

You strike me as an oasis of pragmatism

in a place obsessed with fantasy,

like the last personal

injury attorney in a

hastily assembled amusement park.

May I give you a piece of advice?

I guess so.

Always give the client

what they need.

Not what they want.

Yeah? Hm.

Do you know what I used to be?

I got my masters in philosophy.

Oh, yes. I focused on Kierkegaard.

The aesthetic, the

ethical and the religious.

Well, you can imagine how

gracefully that interacted

with a career in real estate.

Zero sales.

- So, what did you do?

- So I shifted gears.

I focused on the

primacy of the individual

and of individual concerns

above any abstract reality

or grand metaphysical system.

Still couldn't sell a

salmon to a grizzly bear.

This is all great stuff,

but what am I supposed

to do with any of it?

I realized that I was vastly

overthinking the whole thing

and that my clients

were ignorant doorknobs

incapable of articulating

their own desires.

So, I looked at their lifestyles

and I showed them

corresponding inventory.

I focused on what they deeply needed,

not what they said they wanted

because seldom are they the same thing.

- Preach!

- Mm.

The moment I fully embraced

my intellectual authority

and saw my clients as the

low-level primates that they are

my business tripled overnight.

I was able to pay off my student loans,

buy a Cadillac Escalade

and divorce my husband.

So sad.

Yet inspiring.

Well, that's the big secret.

You are smarter than your clients.

I totally am!

Oh, you might want to pass

it along to Captain Goodhair.

He still seems to think that

clients deserve our respect.

- [BOTH LAUGHING]

- That's adorable.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh.

[SIGHS]

Still crazy.

[SCORE FADES OUT]

How'd it go?

Well, he took the device.

We'll see if he actually deploys it.

There is something creepy about it,

- you know?

- Yeah.

On the subject of creepy,

you know those missing kids?

Yeah, I've heard something about them.

Something rings a bell.

[CREEPY SCORE]

[BURBLING WATER]

[CROW CAWING]

[CROW CAWING]

[UNINTELLIGIBLE FEMALE VOICE]

Hey! Are you okay?

[CREEPY SCORE INTENSIFIES]

[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]

What's the matter?

[SHUSHING]

Hey!

You shouldn't be here.

This is where those [SCREAMING]

[WOMAN LAUGHING]

[CREEPY SCORE FADES OUT]

[RAP MUSIC; MAN VOCALIZING]

Ladies, how was your day?

'Cause it's about to

get a whole lot better.

[RAP MUSIC INTENSIFIES, GETS LOUDER]

[ENGINE REVVING, TIRES SQUEALING]

So, there are two

houses left on the list

Susan made up for you.

We're coming up to the first one

and

- we're driving away!

- What?!

It's not right. Tiny

rooms, no natural lighting

and the raccoons in the

yard? Yeah, they're not

the helpful Disney kind.

They'll cut a b*tch.

- I still wouldn't mind

- Nah, you hate it already.

So, moving on to

bachelorette number two.

Here she comes, and

- there she goes.

- Wait! Slow down.

Bye!

Two bedrooms, two baths,

fully finished basement

and a home office.

All the stuff you wanted and

none of the sh*t you need.

Zooey, can't we just ?

Price is on the high side of your range.

Add in the HOA fees and to

make PITI you're gonna need

a bake sale every month, which

is going to be impossible. Why?

Because your kitchen

is too frickin' small!

So, that's it for Susan's houses.

Now it's time for me to rock your world.

- [TIRES SCREECH]

- [LAUGHING]

[MUSIC FADES OUT]

[CREEPY SCORE]

[LOUD CACOPHONY]

- [CACOPHONY FADES OUT]

- [CREEPY SCORE CONTINUES]

Right on time.

Hi.

Look.

It's a blood moon tonight.

Pardon me?

A blood moon.

The direct sunlight on earth

passes through the atmosphere

and is projected onto the moon;

Makes it all red and spooky.

Hasn't happened for

two and a half years.

So this is a special night.

Very.

[WOMAN VOCALIZING]

[DRAMATIC BOOM]

[DRAMATIC SCORE]

[ENERGETIC VIOLINS PLAYING]

[DRAMATIC BOOM]

[SCORE FADES OUT]

[KAY] I like your eyes.

- [LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

- [KAY LAUGHS]

No, I do.

They've seen a lot.

Most men your age our age

still have the eyes of adolescent boys.

Too many Saturday open houses

will do that to a person.

[KAY CHUCKLES]

So, you're not seeing anyone?

Nobody special.

You?

Mm-mm.

Well, that's about to change.

You're somebody special?

You have no idea.

So, here we are. The steak tartare.

And the roasted Cornish

hen for the gentleman.

[CREEPY TINKLING]

Anything else?

Anything at all?

Please?

We're good. Thanks.

Everything looks delicious.

You look delicious.

[CAR ENGINE TURNS OFF]

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

Ta-da!

Two bedrooms; Two

baths; Gorgeous sunroom.

All living space on one

level, no finished basement.

Finished basement was on the list.

You don't need one.

There's tons of storage.

Just picture yourself in the space.

Your couch, your photos on the wall,

your favorite meal cooking in the

fully functional, spacious kitchen.

Just picture the house

for what it could be

with your undies in the drawer.

Is the neighborhood safe?

Of course. You need to be safe.

You need to be happy. You need sunshine.

But most of all, you need

to come home every night

and close the door against the world

in a house that loves you back.

We can afford something fancier.

This point in your lives, you

don't need to be house poor.

You need to be life rich.

I mean, with this house you

can still afford fancy wines

and concert tickets;

Vacations somewhere warm and

impractical anniversary gifts.

[CHUCKLING]

And all in a place that feels like home.

I do kinda love it.

[SIGHS] It's such a big decision.

Hey, I can only find you the

house you were born to live in.

Can't give you the cojones to buy it.

[LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, and the place has been

in my family for generations.

It's just simpler to keep the

title with the firm in Budapest.

You know, tax purposes and all.

And just like that we're

back to talking business.

Okay.

Let's stop fighting it.

Let's give in.

Well, I'm not going to

give you a hard sell here.

What a relief.

I bet you can be terribly persuasive.

To the point of irresistibility.

I'm just going to tell you one thing:

You will never get nearly as much

as my client is willing to pay

for your property right now.

Ever.

Ooh.

Never.

That's such a long time.

[CREEPY TINKLING]

Long

time.

- Hey, Luke. So, I've got good news

- [MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]

and bad news.

Uh, good news is that the Dunn-Herberts

are no longer lookie-loos

they're buyers!

Bad news is, uh

Yeah. It's a Rita Weiss listing.

Hope we can still be friends! 'Kay, bye!

Ooh.

[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE FADES OUT]

[GENTLE SCORE]

August!

So, I've been reading

up on Hungarian legends.

Ah. The Budapest lawyer.

Exactly. What's her name?

The-the lady that

Luke's going out with?

Bozer. Kay Bozer.

- Look at this.

- [BOOK SLIDING ON DESK]

[SCORE TURNS DARKER]

Mm. Lovely.

This is a Hungarian witch.

Legend has it that she

has the power to fly,

or to transform herself into

a girl or woman of any age.

Men and boys are helpless against her.

Men and boys.

Yeah, I've seen that

legend in several cultures.

But the thing is, she can only survive

by soaking in the blood of a living male

in the light of a blood moon.

The blood moon recharges her

until the next one comes along.

Oh, dear. Those missing teenagers.

Tonight is a blood

moon. The first in years.

We need to warn Luke.

Guess what they call her in Hungary?

Boszorkány.

Bozer.

Close enough.

[SCORE CRESCENDOS, FADES OUT]

- [DRAMATIC BOOM]

- [URGENT SCORE]

They really shouldn't

play Walking On Sunshine

when you're on hold with 9-1-1.

Try Luke again.

[DRAMATIC BOOM]

[SCORE TURNS SINISTER]

[TURNS CAR OFF]

[PHONE BUZZING]

Come in for a nightcap.

[CLICKS OFF PHONE]

I'd love to.

[SEATBELT CLICKS]

[GLASSES CLINKING]

[LIQUID POURING]

It's Kékfrankos.

From Hungary.

- [DRAMATIC BOOM]

- [GLASSES CLINK]

[DRAMATIC BOOM]

Mm.

Spicy.

(IN HUNGARIAN) You have no idea.

You know,

I'm very choosy about men, Luke.

Boys, on the other hand.

On the other hand.

- Boys are a dime a dozen.

- [ECHOING]

Dime a dozen.

Boys are like wine

that just went into the barrel.

Just went into the barrel.

They haven't become complex

complex, or interesting.

They're just an amalgam of chemicals

[KISS]

Hormones

testosterone.

Boys are only good for two things:

Keeping me young

and becoming men like you.

- [HIGH-PITCHED TONE]

- Come.

You know breaking and

entering is a crime.

Heavens, yes! A very serious crime.

Glad that's on your radar.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[KAY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[DRAMATIC SCORE CONTINUES]

[KAY SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]

[KAY SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]

[KAY SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]

Luke!?

[DRAMATIC BOOM]

[CREEPY TINKLING]

- Luke?

- [LUKE] Hm

She needs the moonlight.

Block the moonlight

[KAY SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]

Auggie! Snap out of it. Luke! Help Luke!

[PHIL YELLS]

[GRUNT]

[KAY SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]

[OPERATIC CHORAL SINGING]

[IN HUNGARIAN] I'm waiting for you.

[IN HUNGARIAN] Keep waiting, Boszorkány.

[SHRIEKING]

[WHOOSHING BREATH]

[AUGUST] Let's get you out of here.

[KAY] Where am I?

[WIND BLOWING]

What's-what's going on?

- Oh.

- [DRAMATIC SCORE]

[BURBLING]

[BURBLING ECHOES]

Yeah.

I gotta be honest, big guy

she's kinda old for you.

Redheads.

[DRAMATIC SCORE FADES OUT]

- [LIVELY MUSIC]

- [LIVELY CONVERSATIONS]

[CHEERING]

[HOOTING, APPLAUSE]

Foot spray, spilt beer.

Smells like

victory.

Uh, let me know when Susan gets here.

- Ha-ha, hi.

- There she is!

My only very slightly younger

but not even a little

more attractive sister.

- Uh-huh.

- Get her a drink!

I will tell you when to stop pouring.

- [OTHERS LAUGHING]

- [ZOOEY] Thank you.

[COUGHING] Um

Uh, what is this?

White wine shandy.

[GROUP LAUGHING]

We add elderflower liqueur to it.

It's the official drink

of the "Listed Sisters"!

It's our organized group

of powerful female real estate agents

that aren't at all

sad, or trying too hard.

[OTHERS LAUGHING]

- Sign me up.

- Ah.

Zooey, I love your nails!

Where do you get them done?

I, uh do them myself. Um

I've always wanted to

get my helix pierced

but I'm too scared.

Ladies, ladies, relax. You'll all have

your "Zooey time."

After all, she's one of us.

- [OTHERS CHANTING]

- One of us. One of us. One of us.

[ECHOING] One of us.

One of us.

One of us. One of us.

- One of us. One of us.

- [DISTRESSED VOCALIZING]

No! Nooooo!

[CRYING]

- [SPAGHETTI WESTERN MUSIC]

- Huh.

Oh-h*-h*

Luke.

[SUCKS TEETH] Greg.

- Nice to see you again.

- You as well.

[COUNTRY AND WESTERN MUSIC]

[BOWLING BALL SCATTERING PINS]

Wah, wah.

Anywho

- Are you okay?

- You get my messages?

I did! That's great! You took a client

that I never thought

would amount to anything

and you sold 'em a house!

- A Rita house.

- A Rita house

that we're still going to

make half commission on!

From zero to payday.

I am so proud of you.

And all it cost was my soul.

It is a sale that us

grownups make every day.

You did good.

- Oh, and hey

- [GENTLE SCORE]

you are going to love this.

I told Erik Toft that the

property he wanted to buy

was the site of horrific

murders and bloodletting.

Full disclosure, you know.

And guess what he says

[LAUGHING] No.

He says an ITF regulation tennis court

is the only proper way

to honor their memory.

So that sale is gonna happen, too.

- Wow.

- Oh.

- Life is funny.

- You got that right.

You seen Susan?

This is her event!

Uh

No, actually.

I have to go.

I planned the event.

People are counting on me.

I've enjoyed having you

here these past few days.

- We've bonded.

- [DOOR LOCKS ENGAGING]

- [DRAMATIC BOOM]

- [LOCK ENGAGES]

Unlock the door!

[DESCENDING TONES

FROM SMART HOME DEVICE]

Shut down security system.

We've bonded, Susan.

- Unlock the door!

- Don't go.

House! Shut down

[SCRAPING, RUMBLING]

House! Let me out!

[SCREAMING]

[DRAMATIC BOOM]

[DRAMATIC SCORE FADES OUT]

[SMART HOME DEVICE CHIMES]

[GENTLE PIANO PLAYING IN DISTANCE]

[GENTLE SURF IN DISTANCE]

[PIANO PLAYING FADES OUT]

[FAST, STACCATO PIANO MUSIC]