02x02 - Truth in Advertising

[bunniefuu]

Previously on SurrealEstate.

[ZOOEY] This is what our future

looks like if Luke doesn't get back.

It's time to rattle his cage a little.

So, you coming back, or what?

Thinking Monday.

Not every house has to be a horror show.

[SCREAMING]

Luke, so you're really just

going to do this yourself?

Screw the process.

Why were you so nasty to Susan?

[PHIL] His name was Edgar Cornell.

He was a serial k*ller.

He m*rder*d six people.

- Stay back!

- [WHOOSH]

Take a few days off! I got this covered.

[SCORE FADES OUT]

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

[EERIE SCORE]

[MOTOR WHIRRING]

[GARBAGE CAN RUMBLING]

Hey!

This is private property.

[CLATTERING, SCRAPING]

Okay, you're gonna have to go!

Go on! I-I

I don't want to have

to call the sheriff.

[RASPY BREATHING]

[HISSING]

- You stay away!

- [ROAR]

[SHOVEL CLATTERS]

[ROARING GROWL]

Come on !

[MOTOR HUMMING]

[RELIEVED LAUGHTER]

[SIGH]

- [THEME SCORE PLAYS]

- [CHUCKLES]

[MAN SCREAMS]

- [DISCORDANT ORGAN MUSIC]

- [DRUM HITS]

[KIT VO] My name is Kit Rampart

and I have a gift. [ECHOING]

- A channel

- [DRAMATIC BOOM]

to the afterlife.

On tonight's episode of

Spirit Stalkers: Paranormal P.I.

I'll use my link to the beyond

to face a spirit whose grave-robbing

- cannibal murders

- [DRAMATIC BOOM]

terrorized a community

two centuries ago.

Some even say to this very day.

I'll walk the very halls

where she committed her heinous crimes.

I'll interview experts

with verified accounts of terror.

Oh, my goodness.

h*! Did you guys see that?

Tonight, Grace Wexford,

the Were-Lady of Wexford Manor.

On Spirit Stalkers: Paranormal P.I.

It's time to send this

she-beast screaming back to hell.

Gee

What?

Great! I am out of the moment!

Ileana!

[SEVERAL PEOPLE TALKING]

Back to one and get a

release on her just in case.

[MYSTERIOUS SCORE]

[LUKE] I'm just telling

you, Doug, as your agent,

I think you're making a mistake

letting these TV people in your house.

They break things.

Luke, you've had my

listing for two months now.

We still can't shake this

legend of Grace Wexford,

so I say we turn it into

a positive, lean into it.

Some people like the idea

of moving into a haunted house.

In my experience,

they are fine with the idea.

It's the actual bleeding walls

and tormented shrieks of the damned

that make it hard to close escrow.

Spirit Stalkers plays

all over the world.

Some Bulgarian prince could

see this on the TV and say,

[BULGARIAN ACCENT] "I

must have that house!"

Bulgaria is a parliamentary democracy.

No princes.

You being a wise a*s?

Sort of. Look, we know this

thing could be dangerous.

Could be? It nearly slashed

the shirt off my back!

These people could

accidentally unleash something

they can't possibly comprehend.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I don't know what you're talking about,

but I comprehend

comprehensively.

Comprende?

Our latest ectoprobonometer readings

are coming in at a G4,

maybe even an L5.

- [APPRECIATIVE WHISTLE]

- That's not even a thing.

Frankly, Mister Pedersen,

I'm just glad you didn't

wait a moment longer

to call in the professionals.

You may have saved lives.

We haven't met.

Kit Rampart.

Face, brains, brand

of Spirit Stalkers.

Luke Roman. I sell houses.

So, that tall, gorgeous drink of water

who was in our shot she's with you.

You are the real estate people.

See, you're already getting in my way.

- They're getting in my way.

- They're really sorry.

Okay. Well, let's get

one thing straight:

Anything that goes bump in the night,

that's my side of the street.

You don't tell me my job,

I won't tell you about carpets

or whatever decking lasts longest.

- Composite.

- The point is,

you do you,

and leave the ectoplasm to me.

Doug, you made the right call.

I'll see you under those bright lights.

Magic!

[DOUG CHUCKLES]

Magic.

So, he's a bit of a d*ck

but, uh, play nice, okay?

- I'd hate to have to fire you.

- Well, that'd suck.

Mr. Pedersen, they're

ready for your interview.

Oh. If you'll excuse me.

Magic time.

- [ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME]

- [ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSING]

[SUSAN/LUKE] Hi./Hi.

[LUKE CLEARS THROAT]

So, Wexford's moving

forward with the TV show.

So, I think we take a step back,

we pivot and we let Kit Rampart

- give Doug his 15 minutes of fame.

- [GENTLE SCORE]

You really think that's best?

Being seen in the same

universe as Spirit Stalkers

does serious damage

to our brand, so, yeah.

What?

I understand.

I do. You're threatened.

Without your your special

"ground control to Major Tom,"

you feel more like

Kit the Spirit Stalker

than you want to admit.

Well, that's just mean.

Sometimes the truth is

mean.

[ELEVATOR CHIMES]

[ZOOEY] Hey.

Oh, Zooey, this message is for Luke.

Is it?

The Baumgartners. Ted and Diane.

Why are they calling Luke?

Luke said he wanted

everything routed through him.

But I figured they're

your clients, right?

Yes, they are.

[SUSAN SIGHS]

Thank you.

[CLICK, HISSING]

[CLICK, HISSING]

Auggie?

Are you free this weekend?

I need help with a PK

for the Baumgartners.

They're that sweet couple

who bought the B&B up on the coast.

What seems to be the problem?

Mm. "Voices, rattling chandeliers,

ghastly, murderous

screams in the night."

Not ideal for a

relaxing weekend retreat.

Can you help me?

Well, I have a, uh,

fencing match Saturday

that can easily be moved.

Saturday nights I play with a jazz combo

at a spot uptown.

They could have someone

less gifted sit in.

Sunday nights I play poker

with some old friends,

but they can keep their

money a week longer.

As long as you're not busy.

Pick you up around noon?

Ah, I still have to

pop by your Ensom house

for its own PKT.

Don't worry about my place. It'll keep.

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDE]

[CLICK, HISS]

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

The Wexford family plot.

Overgrown and uncared for,

as if nature itself was trying to hide

Grace Wexford's crimes.

According to legend,

this is where she

exhumed her father's body

and feasted on his barely cold remains

with her unspeakably large, sharp teeth.

That top window was her bedroom;

A perfect view of the graves

that drove her mad with hunger.

It's said on nights just like this one,

you can hear her shovel

digging through the wet earth.

[SCRAPING]

Can you hear it?

Sh, sh, sh.

- The shovel.

- [METAL SCRAPING]

The shovel! It's coming from just o

- [DRAMATIC BOOM]

- Ah!

Ah, God. I'm sorry, can we

take this again really quick?

This isn't working.

[DIRECTOR] What was wrong with that one?

The shovel sounds are all wrong. It

It is supposed to sound

like a girl unearthing

her rotting father,

ready to feast on him.

It sounds like you're planting azaleas.

Can we give it some gravitas?

Well, I'm sorry.

The shovel that studied

at Juilliard was booked.

If you're going to

make me fake this sh*t

at least give me a

chance to make it good!

We've been over this.

We don't have time for the real thing.

So get rolling because

we're burning moonlight.

There is something here. I can feel it.

We can make it real this time!

As you say every time!

I can't make a show that way.

What about the truth?

Ah-ha! The truth?

Once you fake that,

you can fake anything.

Great shoveling, Denny.

Film school wasn't a

waste of money at all!

All right. Picture's up!

[EERIE SCORE]

[CREEPY SCORE]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[DOOR CLOSING]

[SUCKS TEETH]

[KIT] Red leather, yellow leather,

good blood, bad blood,

red leather, yellow leather,

bad blood. [HUMS RHYTHMICALLY]

Red leather, yellow leather,

good blood, bad blood.

[HUMMING AND BLOWING LIPS]

Vocal warmups. Tuning my instrument.

You might want to use your instrument

to remind your people that

this is somebody's home.

[CUP HITS GARBAGE CAN]

Grace the Were-Lady. Can you feel her?

I can. It's my seventh sense,

the substance of my being.

That substance smells

a lot like horseshit.

[KIT CHUCKLES]

Ghost Hunting 101: You don't hunt,

you let it come to you.

Nowadays, every kid with a spectrograph

thinks they're Lorraine Warren.

Touch, feel, finesse;

That's what it takes.

I don't think you know

what you're talking about.

Hm.

Terranova Cemetery, Savannah, G-A.

A poltergeist tossed

a broken pop bottle

Huh? Three inches from my aorta.

Yeah. Don't see that kind

of excitement and danger

in real estate, do ya?

Four-bedroom Craftsman.

Minute hand shot off the

grandfather clock, cut me here.

Four-point-seven inches

closer to my femoral artery,

I'd never dance professionally again.

Ooh! A ghost did that to you.

- Yeah.

- [KIT SCOFFS]

Emily's Bridge, Stowe, Vermont.

This gnarled old hand

with claws grabbed my leg.

Hurt like hell.

- Gnarled old hand.

- Yeah.

Probably looked a lot

like a tree branch.

To the untrained eye.

- Ooh.

- Split-level bungalow,

Palo Alto, California,

gourmet kitchen, original built-ins

on a lush third-acre.

Demon with the head of a pig

tried to pull me into a convection oven.

I had to pry his jaws off

while my associate

read scripture in Latin.

[KIT LAUGHS]

Ha. God, is it that late?

Oh, the watch runs a

little fast since, you know,

the thing with the pig-demon.

I have to get back on set.

Look, I've seen your show

And I don't believe a word of it.

All this was before the show.

Back when I was just a kid

with a camcorder and a gift.

[GENTLE SCORE]

It was all real all the time.

Spirits used to be everywhere.

All over me.

So why'd you start faking it?

What happened?

Success happened.

Episode orders got bigger,

schedules got tighter.

Tandem units!

Couldn't wait for the magic to happen.

Had to kinda, you know

help it along. Fake it to make it.

You must've hated that.

Worst part is the silence.

Tell me about it.

I feel like I used to be

surrounded by legitimate phenomena.

But look at me

explaining moral compromise

to a real estate guy.

[AUGUST] Doesn't Luke need

you for the Wexford property?

[SUSAN] Luke doesn't seem to

need me for anything these days.

[AUGUST] Oh, by the way,

I drove past your house.

It's quite something.

It's funny, when clients

can't find the right house,

I always tell them it's out there.

- Mm.

- The house that gets you.

That loves you.

When Darla and I were first married,

we rented this tiny place.

[GENTLE SCORE]

Danielle came along

and the place instantly seemed smaller.

What did you do?

I got a real job.

An assembly plant.

Ah, what a waste.

Perhaps.

But that job

enabled me to buy a house

for my wife and daughters.

It was small and austere

and the windows badly needed caulking,

but it embraced my family

like a grandmother's hug

and we lived there 17 years.

And the day we moved out

of that house into something

much larger and more grand

was one of the three

no,

four times

in my adult life

that I've wept.

Hm.

Something about home.

[DIANE] It was our

little corner of heaven.

[TED] And then the screaming started.

The voices, the shaking.

Only on Saturdays?

Saturday nights. Late.

- [MYSTERIOUS SCORE]

- Sounds so

desperate, so agonized,

no one can sleep.

The customers leave so fast

they don't even stay for breakfast.

We're supposed to be

a bed and breakfast.

So, at best, we're just a bed.

You can get a bed anywhere.

At a much lower price point.

So you've, uh, checked

where the noises come from?

It's all over the house.

My associate and I will

look a little closer.

Are we alone in the house this evening?

We don't have any bookings.

Which is, you know, kind of the point.

[EXHALE]

[AUGUST] Something is here.

Watching. And waiting.

Okay, this is the money shot, people.

Kit is gonna set up the

communing-with-Grace bit,

recite a little of the spooky rhyme.

Great job, research

team, for turning that up.

Then when he's finished, bang!

Special effects trips the rig,

tips the glass off the table

as if thrown by the spirit.

Camera, make sure you're in position.

This is teaser material, people!

Any reason not to roll camera?

Well, you have a full glass of wine

waiting to tip over

in an abandoned house.

Anybody bumping on that? Heh.

Roll camera!

- [CAMERA BEEPS]

- [DRAMATIC SCORE]

And Action!

There's a nursery rhyme

kids began sharing

soon after Grace died.

Our detailed records show the phenomena

first appeared not too long after.

It seemed to summon her.

That's why we're in Grace's bedroom,

where her life force

is most concentrated.

It's the perfect place to reach out.

Let's see what she has to say.

Grace, Grace

teeth and lace.

Eyes of black and soulless face.

Hide your loved ones, hide your dears.

She'll eat your sons

and drink your tears.

Whoa! Did-did you guys see that?

Okay, let's go again.

Can we shut that window?

No! No, no! Keep rolling.

The window's closed. We never opened it.

Grace Wexford,

are you here now with us in this room?

Grace, make your presence known! Speak!

The real thing.

[GROANING]

The real thing. She's here.

Grace Wexford,

by all the powers of hell

and heaven and basic cable

I command you to show yourself!

[DEEP RUMBLE]

Okay.

Careful!

Her shadow form can be just as deadly!

[DEEP RUMBLE]

Appear, Grace!

Go on, girl!

- [GRACE HISSES]

- [DEEP RUMBLE]

[GRACE VOCALIZES, HISSES]

Kit, look out!

[DEEP RUMBLE]

[DRAMATIC SCORE FADES OUT]

On to the next set. Let's go people.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

What the hell?

None of those takes had any of the magic

we had in the first one

and that one is unusable!

I was just trying to warn you.

Well, what you did

was ruin the closest I have

come to real phenomena in years!

[TENDER SCORE]

You panicked.

And I thought you were a pro.

[SIGH]

Hey, Phil, sorry to bother.

You got a minute?

Miss Stans, you're k*lling me

and it's a slow, boring death.

Where's the sexy, salacious

stuff from your books?

My my books are

peer-reviewed accounts

rooted in historical fact. There's

- [SCORE FADES OUT]

- I mean there's

nothing sexy about them.

Our research promised m*rder,

blood, bodies, necrophagia!

I had to look up that last one.

None of that is in my book.

Look, I am sh**ting

this to go in between

infomercials for canine diet pills

and a copper bracelet

that cures irritable bowel.

I need something flashy

to keep people watching.

Grace was a remarkable girl

and her real story deserves to be told.

How about I write what I need on cards.

Would you read those?

You want me to lie?

It's called acting.

[WILLA CLEARS THROAT]

- [WIND BLOWING]

- [DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

[EERIE SCORE]

[DIRECTOR OVER WALKIE]

Don't fart around, Denny.

Get the van loaded and get out of there.

There's some weird sh*t going on.

Fine by me. This place

gives me the creeps.

[THUD]

[LOUDER THUDS]

[THUD]

Ileana?

[THREE THUDS]

[THREE THUDS]

[CLOCK CHIMING]

[SCORE INTENSIFIES, GROWS LOUDER]

[GASP]

I'm here. For him.

Um, for who?

- [DRAMATIC BOOM]

- Oh!

[ZOOEY LAUGHS]

Sorry, kid.

She's just as scary in daylight.

- Boo!

- [ZOOEY LAUGHS]

[LUKE] Did you bring

August's phone thing?

- [DENNY SIGHS]

- [ZOOEY] Yep.

- [TINKLING]

- [GASP]

[DRAMATIC SCORE]

Auggie!

Auggie! Is that it?

[TINKLING, BEEPS]

It works like sonar

keying into micro-changes

in air density.

It beeps faster the

closer we get to the object

that's returning the signal.

[BEEP]

[BEEP]

[BEEPING BECOMES MORE FREQUENT]

[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]

[CLICKING]

- [SCORE INTENSIFIES]

- [FLOORBOARD CREAKS]

[DRAMATIC BOOM]

We came to see if you heard the noises.

It always starts like this.

Whispers. And then the talking,

but it's in a language

we don't understand.

And then the screaming.

[SIGH]

[INDISTINCT WHISPERS RESUME]

- [CLICKING]

- [BEEPING]

[DEVICE BEEPS RAPIDLY]

Any idea what's on the

other side of this wall?

It's just a closet.

[DRAMATIC SCORE]

[INDISTINCT WHISPERS CONTINUE]

- [CREAKING]

- [DIANE GASPS LOUDLY]

[WOMAN MOANING LOUDLY]

[WOMAN MOANING LOUDLY]

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

Sounds Indo-European.

Probably German?

[WOMAN SPEAKS GERMAN]

- [WOMAN MOANS]

- Oh, yeah!

[SUSAN] Oh, my.

[DIANE WHISPERING] What is it?

Is it some sort of strange ritual?

In a manner of speaking.

It appears you have two

immortal souls engaged in the

hunka-chunka.

[SEXY MUSIC]

[SINGERS VOCALIZING]

[SEXY MUSIC FADES OUT]

August has got to be kidding.

Old-time tech seems to work

better with these things.

- Hello?

- [MYSTERIOUS SCORE]

It's Duran Duran.

They want you to know they're

still hungry like the wolf.

[HEAVY SIGH]

I can't believe we

have to do it this way.

[MYSTERIOUS SCORE]

Grace, Grace ♪

Teeth and lace ♪

Eyes of black and soulless face ♪

[WIND BLOWING]

- Okay.

- Yeah, yeah. Keep going.

That got her attention.

Grace, Grace, teeth and lace ♪

Eyes of black and soulless face ♪

Hide your loved

ones, hide your dears ♪

She'll eat your sons

and drink your tears ♪

[SHUDDERING BREATHS]

[PHONE RINGS]

[STATIC]

Grace?

[HISSING]

What do you need?

[HISSING, HEAVY BREATHING]

Grace

what do you want?

I'm hungry!

[CLICK, DIAL TONE]

[CLICK]

Huh.

Not unlike the wolf.

[LAUGHING]

Um, oh,

gee, I don't know. Um

Did you try turning them off

and turning them on again?

You need to tell us

how to turn them off.

They're handling the on

switch very well on their own.

Okay, let me do some digging. Um

the address is in the file?

Yes. Baumgartner, Ted and Diane.

All right. I'll hit you back.

[AMOROUS MOANS, THUMPING]

Oh, boy.

There it is.

Uh, excuse me.

Are you Willa Stans?

I I am, actually.

Oh, my God.

I am a big fan.

I I literally just

finished your book.

The one on the practical

naming conventions

of pubs in the northeast.

Well, thank you!

Oh, it's it's it's

so nice to meet someone

who appreciates the, you know,

game of telephone that history plays.

So often people just want the gossip.

They rarely want the truth.

Oh, not me. Huge truth guy here.

I wrote a book about the Wexfords.

These TV people wanted me

to talk about it, but

just the florid legends,

not the truth behind them.

We should talk.

Yeah. Pretty sure the warranty's expired

- on this bad boy.

- [LUKE SIGHS]

I need to get Grace alone.

You think you could

distract this TV crew

with a shiny object or something?

[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]

Or something.

[GRUNT]

Okay, are we rolling? Can we go?

[WOMAN HUMMING]

Very quiet, please! We're rolling here.

[HUMMING CONTINUES]

Who is making that sound?

That's the rhyme.

It's the Grace rhyme.

Oh, my God. Are you rolling?

[SOUND RECORDIST] Holy crap!

Who the hell is that?

It's her. It's Grace.

Tell me you're getting this!

Can you communicate? Can you hear us?

- Yeah, we're good for sound.

- Not us! Her!

Oh, my God! She's gone!

Grace!

[HUMMING RESUMES]

There she is!

This is what the real thing

feels like, people. Let's go!

[ENERGETIC SCORE]

[HUMMING CONTINUES]

- [DEEP EXHALE]

- [LAUGHING]

[SHARP EXHALE]

[ILEANA] Kit! Kit!

Damn it! Where'd she go?

Where the hell are you going?

We have three hours 'til daylight

and half a call sheet to sh**t.

Forget the call sheet.

For the first time in

years I am on the cusp

of genuine autonomous locomotion

of a trans-spatial being.

Genuine doesn't matter. We need content.

Oh, we're going to generate content,

even if it means spending

the rest of the night

away from that house.

Suit up, boys. Now is

not the time to fear.

Now is the time for men to be men,

to stare into the darkness Whoa!

Oh, are you guys looking for Grace?

You you saw the she-beast?

She yes! Yeah. It was terrifying!

Luxuriant black hair, bitching nails,

k*ller boots like she just

came out of a Hot Topic.

That's her!

Show me to her lair!

Yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah. This way.

[PHIL] She wasn't really a she-beast.

Grace Wexford was just a girl.

Two hundred years ago her father died.

She rushed home to make sure

that he was buried with a locket

that held the image

of his deceased wife,

Grace's mother. Now,

she also had an uncle,

who inherited the

Wexford business holdings.

He wanted to speed things up,

so he planted his brother

before he even reached room temperature.

So, when Grace got there

When she got there, her dad was

already six feet under, so

Grace grabbed a shovel

and she started digging.

To fulfill her father's wish.

Yeah, but the jerk

uncle called the sheriff.

Now, in the process of arresting Grace,

he slapped her really hard

and cut his hand on her teeth.

It got infected, he died

and poor Grace created a

legend. You know the rest.

Grace, Grace, teeth and lace.

It's the rhyme.

It's the one that summons her.

It turned an innocent girl

into a monstrous legend.

Legends are a lot sexier than the truth.

[TENDER SCORE]

So they changed the words to the lullaby

her father sang to her?

Kids can be mean, huh?

So, the taunt turns her into

what the world expects of her.

How do I remind her who she really is?

[THUMPING]

[WOMAN MOANING]

I'm not sure I know what

a win is in this situation.

This isn't a demon.

It isn't a lost soul.

It's just two people

doin' that thang.

Mm.

Hard to know whether to

conjure Dr. Ruth or Barry White.

I feel terrible. This is

Ted and Diane's retirement

we're dealing with here.

Seems a pity to destroy a

love as enduring as this.

They don't come along that often.

[THUMPING, MOANING RESUMES]

[AUGUST LAUGHS]

Mercy, mercy me.

- [RUSTLING LEAVES]

- [SPADE HITTING DIRT]

[OMINOUS SCORE]

[HOLLOW THUD]

[HOLLOW THUD]

Grace, Grace ♪

Teeth and lace ♪

Eyes of black and soulless face ♪

Hide your loved ones ♪

Hide your dears ♪

She'll eat your sons

and drink your ♪

Tears ♪

[HUMMING]

[GROWLING]

[SCREECH]

[HISSING; GROWLING]

- [SCREECH]

- [GRUNT]

[OMINOUS SCORE]

[SCREECH]

- [GRUNT]

- [SCREECH]

[HISSING]

[SCREECH]

I know who you are, Grace.

Who you really are.

The legends made you this way.

But maybe the truth can turn you back.

[GROWLING]

Grace, Grace ♪

Dressed in lace ♪

Eyes of blue ♪

An angel's face ♪

[TENDER SCORE]

Oh, my loved one ♪

Hide your tears ♪

Papa's back ♪

To hold you, dear ♪

Grace, Grace ♪

Leave this place ♪

Tears and years ♪

Your sins erased ♪

Sleep forever ♪

Sleep in peace ♪

Yesterday's a dream ♪

Released ♪

[CHUCKLES]

[PURRING]

[SOFT RUMBLING]

[ETHEREAL SCORE]

[TINKLING]

[DRAMATIC WHOOSH]

[RUMBLING]

Well, I think that went pretty well.

You did good, Kit. Really.

[SCORE FADES OUT]

God, Luke.

Luke? Luke.

I swear, it was like old times.

I was hearing the voices,

Grace whispering sweet things in my ear.

The real thing. For just a second,

it wasn't about me, or the

sponsors, or the network.

Or those clearance people

who won't let me make

the pop cultural references

about BLEEP or BLEEP

that make my show special!

- It was about

- [TENDER SCORE]

them.

Those people in the dark.

God, I miss them.

- Me, too.

- And this lady?

She's got all the makings of a

successful associate producer.

Oh. Yay.

This, uh, real estate stuff

isn't for you. You give me a call.

Mm. Mm-hm.

Tempting offer.

Nah. I have a feeling

this real estate thing's gonna work out.

I was thinking the same thing.

- I gotta run.

- Okay. See ya.

- [DIANE] Are you sure?

- Our research guy is the best.

He found the story of

Captain Jurgen Schroeder.

German immigrant.

He built this place

for his wife, Gisela,

around 1870.

- Jurgen was lost at sea.

- Oh.

In a shipwreck on a Saturday night.

And Gisela spent the rest

of her life here, just

standing at that window,

waiting for her love to return.

Hm. And, in that spirit,

it appears that every Saturday night

their immortal souls are reunited

in their trysting place.

Well, that's just so precious.

So, how do we get them to stop?

We don't.

We pivot!

We embrace them.

Jurgen and Gisela are

real, their love is

elemental, authentic.

It's exactly what millennials

are looking for experiences,

not just destinations.

Jurgen and Gisela's story

nails all the key touchpoints

this premium-focused demographic

demands of a bespoke travel experience.

They like the hunka-chunka?

They value the authenticity

the hunka-chunka brings to the table.

You're offering a unique

combo of glamping and

humping.

Glumping.

Think about it: A love that never dies.

It's the greatest waterborne love story

since Rose showed Jack

the door in Titanic.

He crosses the oceans and the ages

to come home to her.

There's something about home.

It's the ultimate romantic getaway.

We'd need some kind of

authentication, wouldn't we?

- And and publicity.

- Yeah.

Lots of publicity.

As it happens, I know a guy who knows

a guy.

Next on Spirit Stalkers:

Paranormal P. I.:

Our most provocative episode yet.

I'm bringing my gift

to the coastal bed and breakfast

where a timeless love burns bright

and the ghosts are wearing sheets

in a whole new way.

[SEXY MUSIC]

Keep it here. I'm Kit Rampart

and 'para-nookie'

is coming up next.