04x10 - Heaven and Hell

[bunniefuu]

[David] And that is Elysium.

What do you think?

It's beautiful.

- It's humbling.
- It's perfect.

Right? I knew you'd like it.

I could use this expansion to
make positive social change.

Publicly.

Rehab my image. Do some
good for the world.

Sounds like you're
doing good for yourself.

The monetization
opportunities are endless.

There'll be no stopping us.

David, we'll be like Catholic priests
in a souped-up ice-cream truck

that can do 200 miles per
hour and outrun the cops.

I wouldn't say that. In
fact, don't say that.

- I accept.
- I really haven't offered anything yet.

I'm already the greatest
coder of my generation,

but working alongside Poppy

can help me become the greatest
coder of any generation.

[inhales deeply] And
that is humbling.

Yeah, that doesn't sound
humble. Do you hear yourself?

Poppy is coming back, right?

Yes, she is.

I, uh, convinced her to stay.

Another example of my
effective leadership.

You tricked a pregnant
woman into staying at work

instead of being with the
father of her unborn child.

No, no. She wanted to stay.

Well, then you did nothing.

[stammers] How is
that effective?

Look, I don't have time to talk about
all the ins and outs to you, all right?

The-The point is that Jacques and Jean-Luc
are coming in from Montreal today,

so I need you to help
me razzle-dazzle 'em.

- I can do that.
- Great.

And I need you to
talk up the creative

and tell them why gamers
are gonna love this thing.

I'd be humbled to.

Uh-huh.

And, Rachel, can I count
on you not to talk?

[sighs]

Yes, just like that. Okay. Great.
Well, I'm glad everyone's on board.

I'm jumping ship.

My ultimate life goal is to become
Jacques and Jean-Luc's assistant.

It is my greatest desire,
and my darkest wish.

It's also been my
nights and weekends.

I've been setting the
groundwork for months,

and today, I will
reap what I have sown.

I'll also help you exactly
as far as it helps me.

After that, I don't care
if you live or die, David.

I'll take it.

The A-Team's back in action!

- Sorry, what's the A-Team?
- I said don't talk.

[sighs]

[pounding on door]

[groans]

Such a distinctive knock.

Such a distinctive look.

- Do you have tape in your hair?
- What's your point?

- Do you want me to get it out?
- No.

- Okay. [sighs]
- I thought you resigned.

Shouldn't you be playing
golf with Jack Nicholson?

Jack Nicklaus.

Jack Nicklaus is
the famous golfer.

Jack Nicholson is
the famous actor.

Though I would wanna
play with both of them.

Why are you here?

No. The question is
why are you here?

Shouldn't you be on your
way to the Netherlands?

One of us has to
stay for Elysium.

We don't.

We can both go,

and that is honestly what's
best for literally everybody.

Not for Mythic Quest.

They'll be fine. In fact, they
will be better off without us.

What about the expansion, huh?

The one that we
poured our souls into.

You can't stay at
MQ and be miserable,

working yourself to death
and hating me for it.

And I can't stay because the
thought of sitting at my desk

and looking to my left and you not being
there is my actual version of hell.

[sighs] And if you're being honest,
wouldn't you say the same thing?

[exclaims]

Why can't you just change?

Just a little bit.

Everybody else does it.

Every normal person can do it.

I don't know!

I don't spend as much time in therapy
as the rest of you f*cking people.

Millennials! You guys ruined
it... [stammers, sighs]

Look, I keep trying
to do the right thing

and it turns out to literally be
the opposite of the right thing.

And I don't know why I can't
see that and everybody else can.

Wow.

Finally something
Ian Grimm can't see.

[chuckles] Okay.

Okay. That was
actually kind of funny.

- It was?
- Yeah.

You took a motif that I've
established in the past

and you used it against me in a moment
of high drama to cut the tension.

The fact that I had to explain it to you
makes it a little bit less funny, but...

- I'm funny.
- No, I didn't say that.

I said you did one thing funny, that
doesn't make you actually funny.

- But it is important.
- Mmm.

You made the video game,
we had our whole thing,

and then at the very end,
you said something funny.

Which closes the loop.

Which means there's
nothing more for you here.

[stammers] What about Elysium?

- We're just gonna let it die?
- Poppy.

You said it was the best
thing we ever built.

- Poppy. Poppy!
- We can't just leave it to...

It's just a video game.

It's just a video game.

We're talking about
your life here.

You don't have to be
the machine anymore.

- sh*t. Okay.
- Okay.

Why-Why couldn't you have
been this convincing earlier?

Now I gotta... I gotta
repack all this stuff.

You don't have to repack
anything. David will handle that.

Just grab some
essentials and let's go.

- Essentials. Okay. Right.
- Yes.

- Ow! g*dd*mn it, man!
- Oh, God!

Okay, let's start with a toothbrush
and maybe some mouthwash,

and we'll go from there.

Jesus.

[both grunting]

Okay, security's gonna call when
Jacques and Jean-Luc have signed in.

Is my A-Team ready?

- [phone rings]
- Oh.

- Here we go.
- [Brad] Mm-hmm.

Hello.

Uh, they're here. Yes.

Sorry, who?

Okay. Thank you.

Are Jacques and Jean-Luc here?

No. It's someone
named Jean-Georges.

[gasps]

[speaking French]

What? Who is he? Their boss?

No. Much more powerful.
He's their assistant.

[David] W-Wait, what?

So, they didn't even care
enough to come themselves?

Not surprising really.

Jacques and Jean-Luc hardly
speak since the affair.

They had an affair?

No. Jacques slept
with Jean-Luc's wife.

Or the reverse.

It's hard to keep track myself.
It gets messy with brothers.

They're brothers?

Stepbrothers.

Jean-Georges is
their go-between.

They do whatever he
tells them to do.

They trust him implicitly.

How the hell are we gonna get
him on board with the expansion?

I'll take the lead. Move.

Okay.

Over the past six months,

I've been cultivating
a friendship with him

- to overtake his job. Yes.
- Overtake his job.

I can use my new friendship to our
advantage while earning his trust

so that I may plunge the knife
in even further. [chuckles]

And sell him on the
expansion, right?

Huh?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

- [elevator dings]
- [gasps] He's here.

Bonjour!

[groans] No. I cannot right now.

I was bingeing Merlot and K-dramas
all night and I am in no mood.

Uh... Uh, Carol. Carol.

Listen, um,

I know what's going on with you,
dipping your pen in the company ink.

The testers' ink,
to be specific.

[chuckles] I am sure I have no
idea what you're talking about.

Really?

Well, let's just
say I'm concerned,

and I think you should
possibly talk to someone.

Not me. A professional.

Well, how about you be professional
and mind your damn business?

Yelling at me
about my love life.

Wish I was at home watching
Extraordinary Attorney Woo.

She is misunderstood. As am I.

Wasn't yelling.

- [yells]
- Bonjour.

Jean-Georges.

Josephine.

- At last, we meet in person.
- At last.

[in French] It's just
over here, follow me.

[in English] You consider
that an essential item?

A lamp?

This is my latest art piece.

- Oh, cool.
- Right?

What does it mean?

- Guess.
- [inhales sharply]

Well, it's empty and fragile.

It's beautiful, like a... like
a beautiful shell of a thing.

Oh. Oh.

Maybe, uh, like a...

like a cute bubble that
could burst at any moment.

That's... That's not
what I was going for.

Was it?

[scoffs] sh*t, man,
don't listen to me.

I-I'm terrible at analyzing art.

[stammers] I wouldn't let a
kid anywhere near it though,

'cause they would
smash it to bits.

[breathing heavily]

Are you... Are you okay?

- Are you having the baby?
- No, I'm not having the ba...

- No, I'm not.
- Because I just got the car washed.

- Stop yelling at me!
- [stammers]

- I'm not having the baby! Ian.
- If I have to actually birth this baby,

- I can do it. I can do it.
- Ian. You're not gonna birth the baby.

I'm just having... [inhales sharply] ...a
moment because this is insane, right?

Right? Moving to a country... [stammers]
...that I've never been to before...

[stammers] ...in
my third trimester.

T-To be with my boyfriend,
who, to be honest,

I'm not even sure
even wants the baby.

I mean, that's... that's... that's
a recipe for disaster, right?

Look, that guy is great, Poppy.

And you are really
good together.

- I've seen it.
- Yeah.

Well, I mean, we get along,

but it's-it's easy to make a relationship
work when it's all about the...

The what?

- The sex.
- That's not sex.

- This is sex.
- How did you conceive like that?

I don't know how else
you would show...

- Which one is Storm? Which one is you?
- ...'cause both are doing the...

I'm just saying, sure, it looks
pretty from the outside, but...

but what if I get there
and the bubble bursts?

Well, yeah.

That might happen,

but you gotta take
a chance, right?

I mean, what's...
what's the alternative?

You stay here and try to fix
something that'll never be fixed,

and you know it?

[stammers]

I think you got a chance
with this guy, and...

[sighs] It's like I always say,

if there's even
a glimmer of hope

that you can make it work
with someone you truly love,

then you gotta grab
it with both hands.

You have never once said that.

I constantly say it.

- I'm-I'm constantly sa...
- You constantly say the word "glimmer"?

- Yes. I just... I say it all the time.
- I have never heard you say "glimmer".

Use it in a sentence.

- [stutters]
- Not the one you just said.

There's a glimmer of a
chance that you farted,

- like, 20 minutes ag...
- There's more than a glimmer of that.

- I knew it! I knew it. I knew it.
- [laughs]

So, that is Elysium, our most
exciting expansion to date.

And Mr. Brittlesbee has put
together an equally exciting team.

Uh, yes.

Uh, we have the genius Poppy Li, our
sole creative director moving forward.

We've got monetization
phenom, Brad.

Brad's his name,
money's his game.

Don't do that.

With his partner
in crime, Rachel.

I am not a criminal.
I'm a good person.

Uh-huh.

And, uh, her partner in life
and coding genius, Dana.

Dana in the house! [chuckles]

Sorry. David's energy
is rubbing off on me.

Pleasure to make your
acquaintance. [chuckles]

[in French] Do any of
these people speak French?

They barely speak English.

[chuckles, speaks French]

This man is a weasel.

He is a scoundrel.

She is a child.

And this one, she's
got a resting mad face.

Also, I had to take the
stairs earlier because

the woman on the elevator
reeked of cheap alcohol.

[chuckles]

This would all be amusing
as a play by Molière,

but this is a business.

Montreal is concerned.

A change must be made.

We can help each other out.
After all, we are friends.

Friends don't try to steal
the other friend's job, no?

[speaking French]

Don't play the fool, Josephine.

The man with the mustache is
already filling that role for you.

- [in English] I'm sorry, what's that?
- He complimented your mustache.

Ooh. Merci very much. [chuckles]

[in French] These people's
fate is in my hands.

And so is yours.

- [speaking French]
- [chuckles]

[typing]

- [knocks on door]
- [Andy, in English] Knock, knock.

- Hey, Carol.
- No. Get out.

I can't have y'all in here
fighting and making a scene.

Whatever happened is over.

Carol, please, please.

We're-We're not upset
at each other anymore.

Yeah, yeah. We
buried the hatchet.

We decided our friendship
is too important.

Yeah, we just wanted to apologize
for all the trouble we caused.

[Mikey] Anyway,
we're real sorry,

and we will stay out of
your hair from now on.

Goodbye.

- Forever.
- Yeah.

[Mikey chuckles]

Wait.

You know, this doesn't have
to be an either-or situation.

What I'm saying is,

there is plenty of
Carol to go around.

[Andy] Uh...

- [chuckles] Uh...
- Okay. [chuckles]

- Okay. [chuckles]
- Uh...

No.

- Stop.
- Ooh, sorry. Sorry.

- [stutters] You...
- Oh. I thought...

[shushes]

Oh.

[sighs] Wow.

Can't say I never
thought about it.

Yeah.

Me too.

[shrieks]

[sighs, chuckles]

It was just a dream. [laughs]

Carol need therapy.

[chuckles]

[in French] So, I
have made my decision.

[smacks lips] Oh.

I should be on my way.

Friend.

- b*stard!
- Try not to cry, Jo.

Your situation is
tragic enough as it is.

[clears throat]

[in English] Au revoir, all.

[chuckles]

- [David] Yes. Au revoir.
- [Rachel] Bon-Bonjour.

A new era begins.

[door opens, closes]

New era? Is that
bad? That sounds bad.

That was weird. Is he
k*lling the expansion?

No, he loved it.

Is he k*lling the game?

No, he believes
in its longevity.

So he's fully on board?

No.

Montreal is not happy
with management.

f*ck. I knew it. f*ck.

[David sighs]

I've made some bad decisions.

[sighs] I'm not gonna lie. Um,
I may not be good at this job.

They're not firing you.

They just want to bring in
someone new to assist you.

[groans] Yes! I'm back, baby.

Uh, okay. Great.

Assist-Assist me, yeah.

French-Canadian, or what?

Like, uh, I just need
to know if I need to,

like, download Duolingo
or learn French or...

It's me.

[sighs] I was demoted.

Oh, so-so you're my assistant?

Okay.

I don't love it, I'm
gonna be honest with you.

Um, but I'll do it.

Um. I'll take it as a
teaching opportunity,

'cause you got a
lot to learn, kiddo.

Not as your assistant,
David. As head of Playpen.

I'm not following. Is
anyone else following this?

- Well...
- [Dana] Uh.

Uh. Okay, wait.

- You're head of Playpen now?
- Mmm.

Jo, that is a huge promotion.

Yeah! Why are you so sad?

My calling in life is
to be an assistant.

To support, to aid,

to be a human scaffolding
holding up the powerful.

[sighs]

Now that I'm in an
executive position,

I'll never get the chance to
assist Jacques and Jean-Luc.

I am still confused.

You're equals now.

- We're equals?
- On paper, yes.

But due to Playpen's
overwhelming popularity,

in practice, I wield more power.

Okay, so she is your boss.

Well, you don't
have to rub it in!

[door opens, closes]

- I...
- Do you get it?

No.

[both grunting]

[phone rings]

[in Polish] You're late.

Did you stop for a snack, fatty?

I won't be joining you.

[chuckles] Too bad.

You'll have to make
it up to me in Rio.

Naked, of course.

I won't be joining you at all.

I've had a change of heart.

Since when do you have a heart?

A lucrative opportunity
has presented itself.

Something far more promising than
some artless 'Smash and Grab.'

This is something
more original, more...

Creative?

Age has made you cruel.

Consider it something
to remember me by.

I have something for you, too.

[knocks on door]

[in English] Bring up the data.

- Which data?
- Any data, Jason!

[sighs] That's better.

[Ian] Remember the
last time we were here?

I picked you up when
you first started at MQ.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That was 15 years ago.

That was 15 styles
of facial hair ago.

- Second funny thing you've said.
- [chuckles]

Why are you being
so funny at the end?

I'm not. You just
miss me already.

[inhales deeply] Well...
[exhales deeply] ...better go.

Yeah.

Can I hug you?

[airplane passing overhead]

[Poppy sniffles]

[sighs]

Goodbye, Ian.

Goodbye, Pop.

[typing]

[sighs]

[sighs] g*dd*mn.

- [Poppy] What are you doing here?
- Jesus Christ!

What... What are you doing here?

Answer me first.

I'm just packing up
my sh*t so I can go.

Lie.

You don't pack.

You were trying to
work, weren't you?

- No, no. I wasn't working.
- Really?

'Cause I just got an
alert from Version Control

that someone was trying to
log in to your computers

only they didn't
know the password.

That's how I knew it was you.

I hate Version Control.

Okay, so I was
working. Big deal.

It is a big deal.

It's a frigging
miracle, is what it is.

Quick follow-up.

What were you planning on doing after
you'd figured out how to log in?

What was your plan for
how you were gonna "work"?

I was gonna type something.

- Type something?
- Yeah.

[stammers] I was gonna type
something and then figure it out.

Why did you not
get on the plane?

Oh, I got on the plane.
Yeah, I got on the plane.

The plane was in the air when I
got the alert from Version Control.

So, I had to pretend to go into labor so
that they would turn the f*ck around.

And then when we landed, and
they called the ambulance,

I was like, "Oh, I don't
know, it's-it's just stopped.

It's, like, gone back up there."

And I threw some gauze as a
distraction and then I ran away.

I am definitely on some
sort of a list now.

You told them that your
fetus went back up in you?

- Yeah.
- You are on every list.

Don't change the subject.

You said this was
your version of hell.

It is!

It is.

So then why are you here?

- What difference does it make?
- Matters to me.

Why are you here?

[sighs]

This expansion is the only
thing that I have left of you.

And I couldn't say goodbye.

I thought it was
just a video game.

Yeah, well...

it's not. [sighs]

[sighs]

Why didn't you tell me
you were coming back?

I was trying to give
you what you want.

You said to me, right out there,

that you wanted to put as much
distance between us as possible.

So that's what I'm trying to do.

And you knew that if you told
me, I wouldn't get on the plane.

So you kept it to yourself.

[Poppy sighs]

You finally did the right thing.

[sighs]

And you didn't want
any of the credit.

[sighs]

Poppy, why did you come back?

'Cause it's like you always say,

if there's even
a glimmer of hope

that you can make it work
with someone you truly love...

you have to grab
it with both hands.

[Poppy chuckles]

[Ian chuckles]

I totally always say that.

[Poppy chuckling]

Ooh, don't squeeze me so tight.

- I'm gonna pee. [chuckles]
- Oh, sorry. Sorry.

[Poppy grunts]