01x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

IMITATES WATER DRIPPING

Why aren't you dancing?

God, there are so many reasons.

Oh, stop it, you'll school 'em.

So "moodelling"? Hmm.

Doesn't that kind of like compromise

your artistic integrity?

Obviously. Buthave to do it.

We always said that we were going to

sell the house when Levi moved out.

When he moves out. And he's

currently sleeping on your sofa.

He's not exactly on his feet, is he?

Truth. Do you think about me

as often as I think about you?

Truth. How often do you think

about me? Not that much.

I'm here to make this house

work for YOU!

I guess I just thought I would be

doing this, him and I, you know?

We're talking about selling

the house

andare you installing

a f*cking lift?!

Freya needs an accessible home!

Don't make me feel like a prick.

I got in it and it just Somehow

it just made me feel more disabled.

Um, can you get me out?

Come on, let's take her out.

Jo, I told you.

Get me out of this, please!

I think it looks like a f*cking

motorbike. She's a k*ller.

HORNS TOOT REPEATEDLY

PHONE VIBRATES

Jo.

LEVI BLOWS SOFTLY

JO GRUMBLES

Jo, wake up. Wake up. Jo.

Wait, did we?

No, no, no. No, look,

I'm still wearing my jeans.

Oh. No, you just booty-called me

and then ditched me immediately

to go and help Freya piss.

And then we dry-humped

for like two minutes

and then you fell asleep in a dump.

Mmm. Mmm.

f*ck.

Oh, God, I'm so tired.

PHONE VIBRATES

No, no, no, no, no.

No! No, please. No, I can't.

I have to get Freya up. Come on.

f*ck.

We're like an old married couple,

except we've never once f*cked.

f*ck!

You have to go before they see

you! What? What?

Yeah, you need to go.

OK, OK, OK, I'm going. Go, go.

f*ck, OK.

Jesus, out the window again?

I f*cking hate Dawson's Creek.

I've snuck out this house

a thousand times, OK?

PHONE VIBRATES

Tonight, OK? I promise,

you'll get to at least third base.

Lights on.

I don't understand the base system

but that is

VERY exciting.

What depth of crisis got YOU

out of bed before midday?

I resent that.

Shouldn't need a reason

to visit my dad. Oh!

Why are you here?

I was just going to, um, you know

I-I came here to, er

EXCITEDLY: Are we starting

on the truck?

Yeah, was going to clean the truck.

Yes, yes! Let's go!

The cleaning stuff's right here,

look.

Of course.

I didn't know being your PA was

going to be so sleepless.

Oh, I know, I'll have a word

with my bladder.

Oh, it's calling HR.

Guess what. It's me.

You funny gal.

PHONE ALER

Oh, your car's on its way.

Where's Abe? I don't know.

I thought he was supposed to take

time off to help you settle in.

Yeah, but he spends all of his time

with his ex-wife -

well, current wife.

Levi was supposed to have moved out

but somehow he's always here.

Is he? He's not always here.

Yeah, he is.

How about craft beer?

Or how about something that reflects

your travels through Asia?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course.

Entitled white guy returns home

from travelling

in a Third World country

and appropriates their cuisine.

Sure.

In fact, Dad,

actually, while we're at it,

why don't we turn the van into a

recording studio?

I'll get cornrows, you do "blaccent"

and we just lay down

a couple of dotty beats.

Question - does it ever get

a little bit tiring being

so critical of literally everything

and everyone?

No.

WHIRRING

Nice new wheels.

Er, thank you?

You all right? Oh, got to go.

Where are you off to?

It's sh**t day.

sh**t day, of course it is, yes.

Oh, wow, look who it is.

Hey. Hey! Hey. Hey. Hey.

Go smash it, babe!

I'll try. You'll be great.

Shame she missed the opportunity

to marry the Fonz.

Frida Kahlo and, er, spicy food -

this gig was like made for you.

No, it's bullshit.

I'm not even Mexican,

and as if an artist

like Frida Kahlo would

sell out and promote some sort

of hipster hot sauce made in Exeter!

Are you kidding me?

Frida Kahlo married an old guy

who was loaded.

It's not like she was like a pillar

of artistic integrity.

Er, no, she married

an exceptional artist,

who could've been with anyone,

and he chose her,

a q*eer disabled woman.

Yeah, I've seen the film.

Frida Kahlo married a dude

who already had a family

and treated her like sh*t.

Are you f*cking serious right now?!

Don't shout.

I barely slept last night.

Yeah, because you weren't doing

your job properly.

Properly?!

I was up with you all night.

I had to call you several times

first.

OK, I'm going to speak in my

capacity as your PA and friend.

You are being a total prick

right now.

Sorry, I just seem to have adopted

a 28-year-old manchild

and his mother,

and I'm selling shitty hot sauce

instead of making art.

And I just

If anyone even suggests a monobrow,

I will lose my f*cking sh*t.

Yes, yes! More spice, more sizzle.

Drop your chin.

Yeah, that's it. That's it.

Real Yeah, that's it.

Bit of growl.

Oh! That is

a movie star profile right there.

You know,

I was really dreading today.

Oh, my God, me too. I mean,

these gigs, they pay well

but, I mean, this isn't me.

I'm, um

I'm actually an artist.

Yeah, yeah, I do, er No way.

I do like sound installations.

More like, um, acoustic

healing journeys.

Oh, my God, I'm an artist too.

Oh, yeah. I can see that in you.

SHE MUMBLES

PHONE VIBRATES

Yes! That's it.

You know, you look stunning.

I feel real affinity towards Frida,

you know.

Well, um, you're not actually Frida

Kahlo.

I mean, you are Frida Kahlo.

We just can't say that you're Frida

Kahlo. You know, legal stuff.

Jo! Can you get some water for me,

please?

These lights are, er

I'm dying under them.

Actually, Jo, can you fetch two?

Yeah. Thanks, babes.

GONG TINKLES,

FUNKY MEDITATIVE MUSIC

WIND CHIMES CLATTER

BREATHY: Please. Staywithme.

Oh. Stress

That's really powerful.

Have you ever considered

like acoustic healing?

I think it could really help you.

It helped my sister SO much.

So is your sister disabled?

No, um, she had, er,

cystitis. Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Here's your water.

Thanks.

MUSIC CONTINUES

SOFT WAILING

What the f*ck is this sh*t?!

Being a chef is such a hassle.

Why couldn't you have just set me

up in photography,

like the Beckhams did

with THEIR useless son?

There's nothing useless about you,

boy.

You've just been unwell.

Abe, can we actually talk through

some of this?

Am I going to add the repair costs

on my car door?

I don't know that now's the time,

is it, Jane?

There's lots to sort out still.

Yes, Jane. Now's not the time.

Abe's trying to teach the boy

some discipline!

Right, OK, well,

I'll leave you to it, then.

No, no. Don't do that.

You're being all breezy now

because you're just going to leave,

and me and Dad are going to have to

deal with it alone.

And, yes, the metaphor is not lost

on me there.

OK, fine, well, I'll stay and help.

Aw, look at his adorable face

when his victim narrative gets

undermined.

What can I do?

PHONE VIBRATES

My lunch is disgusting.

How's yours?

I'm sorry, do you want me to go

and FETCH you something else?

Perhaps I could go catch

some lobster for you and Haruka.

Oh, she just asked for water.

She bossed me around

and you said nothing.

Oh, come on.

We were talking about our art.

Her art?!

She's gentrifying whale sounds.

Apparently scientists are just

beginning to understand

the impact of soundwaves.

OK, you did not just say that.

Permission to speak freely

in my capacity as your friend

and not as your PA?

Are you going to call me a prick

again?

I understand that you feel

like Abe is distracted,

but Haruka is a basic b*tch

in modern q*eer-ware.

Extremely hot

and very, very f*ck, but vapid.

And you've sworn off these types.

I know.

Right, going to show Abe

my make-up.

Babe! Hello, darling.

Oh, you look goy-geous!

I'm not Frida Kahlo.

Oh, no, you're just a hot bird

with a monobrow.

How's it going? It's going good,

it's going really, really good.

Yeah. Levi's made chicken satay

JANE: Abe! So you must have some

when you get home.

No! What the f*ck is that?!

JANE SCREAMS WITH LAUGHTER

What, you?

She's put pickle down my back.

What are you doing, darling?!

Stop, listen, hey!

Let the boy focu

Listen, behave yourself, woman.

Ay-y-y!

Look, it could have been worse.

At least they weren't f*cking

when you called!

This is not what I moved here for.

That is f*cking amazing.

It's really good. It's so good.

It's really, really f*cking good.

OK, OK, you both have to say that.

You've got

too big a dog in this fight.

Well OK, well No.

Why don't we offer it up

to the public? Yeah.

We'll batch this lot up, we'll hand

it out to see what people think.

I'm not giving out food

to strangers!

That's like "paedophile with sweets"

level creepy.

No, that's like "man at the bar buys

you a drink" level creepy.

Let's go to the park. Yes. What?

I'm not giving out food in the park

with my mum and my dad.

Well, then, move out and get a job.

It is real world

or satay! No, no, no.

This is bullshit. I'm not

I'm not going to be pushed

into this -

it's really weird

and frankly it's bullying.

I'm still not doing it.

Um, no, this isthis is absurd.

We're on a bridge, there's only

two exits. They can't get out.

Hi, hi there.

Sorry, we're starting a mobile

food truck and wondered

if you wanted to try some samples.

Er. Yeah, sure.

Sure, why not. Yes? Yes. Great.

There you go. Ooh!

Er, yeah

Does it taste professional?

Mmm. It's good! Yeah? REALLY good.

That's nice. Oh, that's great.

Can I just ask, are you not

like at all concerned

about taking food from strangers?

Like, what if this contained GHB

or rat faeces?

I'm 32 and I still live with

my parents.

Free sh*t's free sh*t.

Yeah, what she said.

That's actually quite hard

to argue with. Er

JANE CHUCKLES

Take some for the road,

if that's OK.

OK. That's enough.

OK. Thanks. Yay that's great!

Bye. Right? Whoa.

I mean, they live

with their parents as well.

OK, so a little rehearsal,

you're going to turn to camera

and then say the brand name.

Free Da Heat.

OK, again, but like you don't care.

Free Da Heat. OK.

Again, but like it's hot.

Free Da Heat. Yeah, OK.

Again, but, um, turn me on.

Er

BANG!

Free Da Heat.

Ooh, OK, I think we got it.

Damn, I want some hot sauce now.

Um, can we get make-up in?

Freya's a bit shiny.

Freya, do you want a matcha?

Oh, no, I'm good, thanks.

Jo, can you get me a matcha?

Er-r-r-r-r

Nope.

Listen, Freya, we're going to the

Rum Barrel for wrap drinks later.

You and, um

what's-her-face going to come?

My name is Jo and,

Freya, we have plans.

Dinner plans. Yeah, we got something

pencilled in, but I

I

Freya, I know what you're doing.

I think I can persuade you.

Probably.

Another happy customer.

There we go. f*ck That is mad.

That is just mental. All right,

have a good one. Excuse me, um

Just ignore him. No, I'm not igno

Um, excuse me, sorry to interrupt

Not now.

Hear me out, this is free chicken

satay. How often in your life

do you get something? Look,

I said not now. All right?

Sorry, thank you, but we're in a

little bit of a rush. Yeah.

Give it here. We'll take your shitty

food. See you later.

OK, you don't have to be a d*ck

about it.

Sorry, but my freebies are actually

only for the pure of heart, so

What?

What are you, a f*cking ret*rd?

Darling, let's

Um, OK, don't "darling" him.

That's enabling

a total piece of sh*t.

What?! You don't know me.

Haruka's just wondering

if we're sure

if we don't want to go for drinks

at the Rum Barrel.

Game's a little strong,

considering she just met you.

I mean, maybe just one?

No, please, Freya, I'm so tired.

And she's a monster,

a self-entitled, arrogant,

perfectly symmetrical monster.

That's a bit mean.

Just cos she has a septum piercing.

Fine, fine, I'll call Abe

and tell him we're on our way home.

We actually DO know each other.

We've slept together. This is mad!

Right, back off, you ret*rd.

We don't say that word any more,

you f*cking prick!

I'll say whatever the f*ck I like.

Get up, you prick.

What are you going to do?

Alex, seriously Chicken?! Put the

skewer down. Put the skewer down.

Actually that's quite dangerous.

Put the chick Put it down.

Jesus Christ!

All right, all right, all right.

You idiot. Prick!

What's up with you? He's got a

f*cking screw loose, that guy.

He's mad! Whoa! All right.

You're a nut case. OK

Ah.

Don'tsnap. Got a wipe

PHONE RINGS

Oh!

DRIVER: Lean forward, will you?

JANE: Freya, it's Freya

ABE: Yeah, tell her I'll call her

back.

Abe will call you back.

Everything's fine.

Do I pull it out

or do I leave it in?

CALL CUTS OFF

Sorry, we're just going to get out

again, we don't need a cab.

Um Oh, make your mind up!

What?

Come on, we're just going for drinks

with friends.

It's a thing that people do.

Right.

Look, I know you're pissed with Abe

and on the rebound.

Very intuitive.

And she IS your usual type.

She is fit.

So what am I supposed to do

when I go home,

just lie about all of this

to Abe and Levi?

I mean, I don't really know what

Levi has to do with any of this.

It's just a little weird that

now I'm like an accomplice

to your affair to a Gen Z

with a pixie cut.

Accomplice? Affair? Are you serious?

All I'm asking is

for you to do your job.

Sorry.

SARCASTICALLY: It's been

an absolute pleasure.

Dickhead.

I know you've been stabbed

by your son,

but I think, on balance,

today's been pretty positive.

I shouldn't have pushed you into it,

though, mate.

I don't think it was fair.

I think this might work, you know.

Do you think?

Yeah. I mean, I've got to work

on not saying the first thing that

pops into my head every time.

I mean, probably doing something

a little bit more interesting

than chicken satay. But

Yeah. Bit mid.

Where did you learn to say mid?

Your father's dating a yout!

JANE LAUGHS

True.

Sorry.

You know, you can afford to let go

of me a little bit,

I will be fine, I won't die.

I mean, having said that,

I absolutely could not handle

that guy on my own today.

He was absolutely massive.

He was going to k*ll me.

Yeah, I got you, bro.

Is that good for threes?

No, it's our thing.

Oh! Have you called Freya back yet?

I tell you what, I haven't been

a very good partner, though.

Don't beat yourself up, Dad,

you've been parenting!

RINGING TONE

28 is a notoriously hard age

for a little boy.

FREYA: This is Freya, leave

a message Come on, come on.

All right, all right.

What do I do? What do I do?

How about you sign

the final divorce agreement?

Oh, yeah.

Nothing says "I love you"

to your girlfriend

more than divorcing

your current wife.

Hmm.

A pen. Right, I'll get the pen,

then, shall I?

IN TEXAN DRAWL: Thank you, boy.

What?!

ABE SNIFFLES

Don't be melodramatic, just do it.

All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

PEN CLICKS

Right. Right? Yeah. Do you? No.

Excellent. No, that'sno

No, that's not.

Look, I'm not saying

that spending the day

reverse Parent Trapping yourselves

probably isn't very romantic

for Freya, but why don't you just go

to the Rum Barrel and talk to her?

Mmm. Go where?

The Rum Barrel.

It'sit's where they said

they were going earlier.

Come on. You don't listen to a thing

she says, do you?

You've got to do something

thoughtful and attentive.

All the things that get chicks wet,

am I right, Mum?!

Mm-hm.

No, I No, I regret that.

I hate everything about this.

You're thinking with your cl*t.

This is such a bad idea.

You need to get the f*ck on board.

We're going to get some drinks

and you've got to be my wingman.

OK, a single gong

and I'm out of here.

POP MUSIC PLAYS

Ah, excuse me.

Sorry, can I? Yeah, thanks.

Hey!

Oh, my gosh.

Hey!

Hey. Hey!

Hey, Freya, how you doing?

Oh, how's it going? Oh, cool.

Just one drink, yeah? Yeah, yeah.

G&T.

I'm sorry about that

Freya, you came!

Oh, my God, hey!

I think you look hot, man.

Ay! So do you!

It's Frida f*cking Kahlo!

Are you OK?

Hey, you look hot! Hey,

do you want to do a cheeky line?

I'm so glad you came. I wanted

to ask you something all day.

Something a bit naughty. I

Are you sure you're OK?

Will Jo have to lift you

to sit on my face?

Ow!

Getting mauled by a cokehead

wasn't as fun as I remember.

Car will be here in eight minutes.

Oh, sorry, am I allowed to speak now

or am I still wearing my butler's

coat?

No, sorry for enjoying the one time

I didn't feel invisible.

It's fine, I get it.

But, Freya, you didn't have to

introduce me as your PA.

Freya. Jo, you ARE my PA.

Freya.

Abe, what are you doing here?

ABE PANTS

Can you give us a second?

I've been really distracted,

and I'm sorry.

This is amazing, what you're doing.

I'm so proud of you. I mean,

it's really not that amazing.

I think it is.

I'm just, um

Levi, you know,

when I went to Indonesia

to get him

I basically spent a week

just lying next to him in bed,

just scared what he might do

if I left

and, er, sometimes I worry

that he's still in that place.

But more and more I realise it's

..it's me that is

You know what I mean?

Thank you.

Can we just go home? Yeah.

Take me home.

LEVI MOANS

QUIETLY: Shut the f*ck up.

Sh! Shhh!

f*ck! Oh, my God! Sh!

I swear if we get caught

before I see your d*ck

Mmm. We'll be in so much trouble.

So much trouble.

Yeah. Not to mention

how angry and disappointed

your father's going to be.

YELLS: f*ck, that's a lot! f*ck!

JO GIGGLES

Yeah!

I was going to say, um, before you

threw me over your shoulder

and dragged me back to your cave,

I was going to ask you

how your day was.

Um Yeah, it was good.

I think I'm getting kind of good

at this.

Yeah, I've no doubt.

Do your faces.

Showshow me what you did.

Ah!

Oh.

Rrrr!

Ah. Why am I doing sound effects?

I don't know. Oh, that's nice.

I suddenly want to go and buy

hot sauce now.

You're not put off by how I am,

are you?

What, your, er,

humiliation father fetish?

No, no, no, no.

Just being like, you know, how my

how my brain works.

Er, well,

I have an emergency backpack

under the bed.

So I can escape any situation.

What? Apparently it's a PTSD thing.

Down there? Mm-hm.

Oh, my God.

What the f*ck is that?

WHISTLE PEEPS

sh*t! What are you doing?!

THEY CHUCKLE

What are YOU doing?

And how about these drinks,

how was drinks?

Yeah, I mean, I only went

because this super-hot director

was flirting with me, so

Was he? OK.

SHE was.

OK.

But as soon as I got to the pub,

I didn't really want to be there,

so

Yeah. Why are you telling me that?

Well, because, you know,

you're honest with me

and it's important

we communicate openly, so

Yeah, absolutely, always.

But you don't

You don't have tell me everything,

that's not

That's kind of just

..hurtful.

So is your relationship with Jane!

I mean, you, Jane and Levi are

this like impenetrable trio,

and it always leaves me

in this really weird place.

So, Jo takes you to a pub because

the director wants to f*ck you?!

No! That's a great comparison

No. ..to my family, yeah.

No, no, I

No, go on, let's have the details.

Well, I was angry and I called you

and, what, your wife answers

the phone?!

Well

OK.

Will you f*ck me while I wear

nothing but the backpack?

Yeah. Thank you.

You know,

we signed the divorce papers today.

No, I didn't know that.

Mm-hm.

Guess I'm no longer

the sl*t piece on the side, then?

ABE CHUCKLES

No, you're not.

You're just my sl*t now.

Just take it off.

PHONE VIBRATES

f*ck.

f*ck. No, no, no, no.

FREYA: Jo! Yeah?

Quick, I need to pee.

Abe's in the kitchen

hiding his b*ner for Round Two.

Yeah.

Be right there.

Stay in there, she's coming.

f*cking hell.

LEVI GROANS

Ugh I may be a while.

Just off

for multiple years of therapy.