01x06 - Lucky Boys

[bunniefuu]

[solemn sitar music playing]

[Mir Dar] Can't believe it's been

20 days without him.

Baba's not gone.

He just changed forms,

and now he's with us

as Baba-cat.

Okay. Can you please stop

with this imaginary cat?

[Raj Dar]

Imaginary?

I've been feeding Baba-cat,

like, three times a day.

Right. He's so cute. He brought me

a lizard the other day.

-Aw.

-I know.

Mir, I don't wanna rush us,

but I have to get to work

and I have a ton

of wedding stuff to do.

Yeah, well, we all

have things to do,

and Lucky's holding

us up as usual.

I mean, who does she think

she is? Dua Lipa?

Okay, I guess

we can just start

and when Lucky gets here,

she can just hop in.

-Yeah. Yeah.

-Baba! [sobs]

Alright. Easy, buddy.

You okay, buddy?

[crying]

-Oh, that is a strong grip.

-[Raj] He's squeezing.

-[Mir] Okay.

-I'll take that.

Alright. I'm gonna let go, okay?

You gotta let me go.

[Raj] Can I? My Alright.

Thank you.

You good?

[funky upbeat music playing]

[g*nshots]

[b*llet shells clinking]

Hey, hey, hey. What's up, brother?

Hey. I think these are broken.

[door bells chime]

-Hey!

-Oh, gentlemen!

Wow. You two are the classiest

customers we have ever had.

Can I interest

you two fine fellows

in a three-pack

of Ferrero Rocher?

[snaps fingers] No, thanks, bruv.

We're here for some answers.

We're looking

for our dear cousin.

Perhaps you know him. Hamza?

-[Mir yells]

-[lamp shatters]

-[cleaver thuds]

-Ooh.

Honestly, I've never heard

that name before in my life.

-Uh, Hamz Ow!

-Hey!

-Did you see that? What the f*ck?

-[g*n c*ck]

Lying's a filthy habit, Mr. Dar.

I suggest you

break it immediately,

or my brother Ifthikar here

will break every bone

in your body.

Okay? Alright.

No need for any

Brown-on-Brown violence here, guys.

We don't know

your dear cousin Hamza.

[Zubair] All the boys

in our family

are in a very active

WhatsApp chain

and a few weeks ago,

poof, not a word.

[Ifthikar]

In his last message,

Hamza mentioned making

a move for your throne.

And that if anything

happened to him,

we should come calling

about a bird named Lucky.

I-I'm sorry, I'm not following.

We've got Lucky.

-I have kids.

-[Zubair grunts]

-[Lucky yelping]

-[bone cracks]

[grunting]

Broke my f*cking nose.

I understood that.

-Ow!

-[Raj] Whoa!

What the f*ck, man?

[vintage Bollywood music

plays on phone]

Text me back, Brianna.

You know you want to.

[Mir] You did not want us

to see that.

[Ifthikar clears throat, scrolling phone]

I told these English pricks

Hamza is alive and well

and that you'll be able

to find him by tonight.

So just agree to those terms

and don't do anything stupid.

6:00 p.m. at the docks

with Hamza

-or she's dead.

-Okay.

And if you try anything,

I'm chopping off your c*ck

and shoving it up your a*s.

[Mir whimpers]

-Ow!

-Hey!

-[Mir] Why me every time?

-[Raj] Oh, my God.

Goddammit! Why is

Hamza still in our lives?!

I know. Even after you,

like, k*lled him so, so hard.

Will you shut the f*ck up?!

We both k*lled him. Okay?

We're in over

our g*dd*mn heads here, Raj.

We need to think of something.

We need an adult.

No f*cking way.

Those guys are the meanest

m*therf*cking dandies you'll ever see.

Besides, you don't

even know where she is.

And if she did k*ll Hamza,

as I suspect,

why should I help her?

-First of all, she didn't.

-[scoffs]

And second of all, Ahmad Uncle,

I mean, come on. Same team?

She just saved you

from Mr. Lasagna.

Seriously, Ahmad Uncle,

you're just gonna stand idly by

while they k*ll Lucky?

Yeah, actually. Sounds great.

Look, you guys have

been doing pretty good,

much to my surprise.

And if we keep this up,

we might actually end up

in the black soon.

You wanna jeopardize that

for some mean lady?

-Hey!

-Hey, man.

Come on. Yeah,

she might call us idiot.

-O-o-o-or babies.

-Dumbass.

Yeah, but she's the only family

that we have left,

and we're not gonna

leave her hanging like that.

-Yeah.

-Well, like Drake says,

"I don't be givin' no f*ck."

[Mir] What?

Drake?

Drake?

-Oh, my God.

-What?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my

I know where she is.

-Where?

-The white rope,

plush lining,

six figure thread count.

She's at the Drake Plaza!

-Are you sure?

-Yeah.

Back in the day

in high school,

Baba used to book me

these rooms over there

for my insane parties

that I used to have.

Okay, hold on a second.

You threw parties in high school?

Yeah. For special occasions.

You know, my birthday,

Spring Equinox,

the 2012 SAG Awards,

the day

I discovered Ketamine, and

Why wasn't I ever invited?

Mir, we don't have time

for this bullshit conversation.

Okay? We gotta go.

[elevator bell rings]

[muzak playing]

I could probably scale

the outside of the building.

I was a member

at a bouldering gym for six weeks.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.

Check out the white lady

at the front desk.

[indistinct chatter]

Honestly, bro.

We gotta stop objectifying

women in public spaces.

No, no, no. Dude.

I'm saying she seems

like the type of white

that can't tell Browns apart.

Oh!

I'm picking up

what you're putting down.

Okay.

Okay. First things first.

We need to put on the face

we normally do

when we talk to white strangers

so we don't sketch them out

'cause we're Brown guys

with facial hair.

Got it.

-[muzak continues]

-[chatter continues]

Alright, I'll take the lead

'cause as you know,

I do a k*ller London accent.

Okay, no. Your London accent

is terrible.

I just act like it's good

so you embarrass yourself.

[in British accent] Well,

that's just bollocks, innit?

Me British accent

is spot on, matey.

Okay, you sound like a f*cking pirate.

Let me handle this.

[normal]

Fine.

[Mir chuckles]

[in British accent]

Hello again, love.

-[clerk politely chuckles]

-A silly thing, really.

Stepped out for high tea

and I seem

to have misplaced

my room key. [chuckles]

No problem.

You handsome gentlemen

checked into

305 this morning, correct?

[in British accent] Any chance you've got

another room on the same floor?

Actually,

the adjacent room is open.

Shiver me timbers.

We'll take it.

Charge the card

on file there, Charlotte.

Okay. Brutal flight. Poor bloke

is absolutely knackered. [chuckles]

[chuckles] Yeah.

Thank you.

-Cheerios.

-[Charlotte chuckles]

You boys just wasting

your day in here with me

when you could be having

a proper Philly day.

Climbing the Rocky steps,

eating a cheese steak,

topping it off

with some tranq tourism.

[tense music playing]

The clock is ticking, Lucky.

And as you know,

standard bylaws demand

that we retrieve our men

or k*ll everyone linked

to the offending party.

It's a tradition thing, innit?

Look, I understand.

It's actually refreshing

to be held c*ptive

by professionals.

-Cheers.

-[glasses clink]

Mm.

Could I use the restroom?

I tend to over-hydrate

when I'm being held hostage. [sighs]

Make it quick.

Did your ammi not teach you

to respect a woman's privacy?

Astaghfirullah.

Fine. But I'll be listening

very, very closely.

Did not take you as the type

to get off on bathroom noises,

but not really one

to kink shame.

[door closes]

[pensive sitar music playing]

[Lucky gasping]

Come on, Lucky.

[panting]

You've gotten through

worse than this.

[tense tone plays]

You missed a spot.

Oh, sorry about that.

[softly]

sh*t breath.

That smart mouth just lost you

another week

of shower privileges.

I'm Arshad Dar

from ABC Deli.

Yep. Come on in.

Everything's unmarked

and untraceable.

-You okay, beta?

-My masi.

Don't worry about her.

Her pops flew her over

from the motherland

to pay off a debt,

so this is her job now.

Don't jobs usually involve

getting paid in America?

Fire in her,

but I'll stamp it out.

My friend could use her

in his cat house in Detroit.

She'll be all used up by age 16.

[pensive music playing]

[mocking] "I'll be listening

very closely."

[normal] Yeah, you'll listening

to the sound

of my stiletto

till it's f*cking your brain.

-[Zubair] What's that?

-Oh, nothing.

Just have to coax

my tinkle out when I'm scared.

[pensive music continues]

[tapping sewing kit on counter]

Alright, look alive, bro. We can't let

these Paki Blinders see us.

-[door opens]

-sh*t.

Grabbing a Frappuccino.

You want one?

[Ifthikar]

Frappuccino?

Um, hm

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Yeah, I think,

I think I could go for a cup.

No! No!

Frappuccinos are basic as f*ck.

Go get La Colombe.

[dramatic tabla music playing]

-[Raj grunts]

-Get up, get up!

I could go for it.

♪♪

Holy sh*t. That was close.

Oh. Lucky did not seem happy

to see us.

That's because

she didn't want us to come.

She specifically said,

"Don't do anything, Stupid."

No, she said,

"Don't do anything stupid."

This is not stupid.

This is a smart plan.

This isn't even

a plan at all, Raj.

What are we even doing here?

We'll come up

with something, man.

We'll let my third eye guide us.

It's gotten us this far.

[Mir]

Oh, my God.

I need some fuel though.

After all that puking.

Hero's Dose.

-[gulping]

-[can crumples]

-[Raj retching]

-[Mir screams]

[gasps]

-[Raj retches]

-[Mir screams louder]

Yeah. That was gross.

Oh, this place is

not cheap at all.

You know, I miss

overpaying for sh*t.

-I'm gonna do it.

-Yeah, do it.

Hello?

[in British accent]

Uh, hello, love.

How are we?

[belches, sighs]

You think Baba did

this kind of stuff?

Like real gangster stuff?

Yeah. Of course he did.

Okay. It makes me feel better

about what we're doing.

There are infinite versions

of this reality.

An endless stream

of Rajs and Mirs

dealing with every possible iteration

of this struggle.

[sighs] One wonders,

do they head towards it

or go to Tallahassee?

[sighs]

I'm gonna miss

these little chats

when we're dead in an hour.

[Baba Dar] [echoing]

Raj.

[mystical music playing]

You're on the right path.

We're doing the right thing.

Baba just told me.

Oh, God.

I can't hear anything, Raj.

I wonder if they're hurting her?

I'm scared.

It's time.

Here's the plan.

[thrilling music playing]

First, we'll call the maid

and swipe her master key.

Next, I'll start fires

in the hallway,

causing an evacuation.

-[alarm ringing]

-And under the cover of smoke,

I'll bust in there

and pull Lucky

-towards the service elevator

-[guests panicking]

[Raj] which I will open

with the master key.

Then it's a straight shot

to freedom.

[thrilling music continues]

[mystical music playing]

I miss you, Baba.

This is going down.

I'm going up.

[alarm ringing]

[silence]

Baba. Baba

[Mir] There you are.

-Baba

-Raj, get up.

Raj, get up.

Get up, get up, get up!

-Baba

-Come on. We gotta go. We gotta go.

Come on, come on.

Get up, get up.

-Get up, we gotta go. [groans]

-[Raj groans, whimpers]

[tense music playing]

Oh, sh*t.

I told you

to let me handle it.

Raj made me do it.

I did. I was super high.

You f*ck' scoundrels.

You k*lled him, didn't you?

Our dear psychotic cousin.

But now we get to avenge him.

-Oh, we live for the avenge.

-Mm-hmm.

So, I'd say it's about time

-for the knives then, bruv.

-[Zubair] Mm-hmm.

Knives? [laughs]

Come on. I thought

you guys were professionals.

Such a messy way to go about it.

There's so much blood.

There's so much

potential evidence.

She's right.

Grab that fishing wire

we picked at Walmart.

I got the knives all nice

and polished and everything!

Am I speaking f*cking Gujarati?

I want a bloodless job.

Come here. Come here, bruv.

[Ifthikar and Zubair quietly arguing]

[Mir sighs deeply]

I know you're here

because you wanted to save me.

Just like your Baba did.

I'll take this one.

That's 250. Bargain.

I make my real money

selling girls.

-[punch thuds]

-[arms dealer groans]

-Run!

-[dramatic tabla music playing]

-[operator] [on phone] 9-1-1.

-There's a cache of ill*gal g*ns

at 2710 Shunk Street.

I have nowhere to go.

Do you know how to use

a cash register?

I can learn.

[young Baba]

What's your name?

Naveeda.

Ah. We can do better

than that. [sighs]

[distant sirens wailing]

Look.

[gentle sitar music playing]

[young Baba]

[chuckles] Lucky.

That's what I'll call you.

[distant sirens continue]

Baba saved you?

I miss Baba so much.

-[softly] Me too.

-I miss him too.

You know, I promised him

that I would take care

of both of you.

[crying]

I hope I'm doing a decent job.

-You are.

-You are, Lucky Auntie.

We're all a little lost

without him.

[Lucky sniffles]

If there's one thing

we understand,

it's an untimely death.

We've buried many soldiers.

[Ifthikar] Clearly,

our blood feuds are just

another external manifestation

of unresolved trauma.

-[Lucky] Hmm.

-[Zubair] Mm-hmm.

-That's so true.

-Yeah.

-You know what? Run along.

-Huh?

Go on. Run along.

Before I change your mind.

-Hands up.

-We can go?

-Before I change my mind.

-Hands up, hands up.

-Okay.

-Oh, my God.

Oh, here.

I got this. I got this.

-Thank you.

-Alright, guys.

Just FYI, Hamza was a prick

world's better off without.

Remember, he used to stab at us

if we ate the last Jaffa Cake?

[mimics stabbing]

[all laughing]

-He would stab us.

-Jaffa?

He was such a d*ck.

-[laughter]

-He was! Oh, my God.

We tried to k*ll him

so many times.

I'm glad I k*lled his a*s.

What a dumbass.

[mystical music playing]

[echoing]

You have to let me go, son.

-[Raj gasps]

-Oh, God!

[Ifthikar] Let's start by gutting

the little one.

-Oh, my God!

-[Ifthikar screams]

[dramatic tabla music playing]

[Mir/Raj] Damn!

[Ifthikar yells]

[screams] Oh, my God!

-[Ifthikar] Come on, then!

-[Mir screaming]

-Lucky Auntie, can we trade?

-[both scream]

-[dramatic tabla music continues]

-[all grunting]

[chomping]

-[Mir straining]

-[Raj grunting]

-[Raj chomps leg]

-Oh, f*ck!

-[Raj growling]

-[Ifthikar groaning]

[Lucky grunts]

-[Zubair grunts]

-[Lucky growls]

-[Zubair straining]

-[Lucky grunts]

[screams, cries]

-[dramatic tabla music continues]

-[both grunting]

[both yelp]

Oh, my God!

-f*ck' raccoons!

-[Mir yelps]

[bone cracks]

-[body thuds]

-[Raj/Mir panting]

-[Lucky shouting in Hindi]

-Is he dead?

-[Zubair grunts]

-[Lucky groans]

No! [straining]

-[yells]

-[Zubair screams, hits floor]

-[Lucky yelling]

-[Zubair crying]

[Lucky/Zubair groaning]

-[bone cracks]

-[knife clatters]

[Zubair groans, wheezes]

[groaning] f*ck! f*ck.

-[wheezing, groans]

-[g*n c*ck]

You've won.

You've won, alright?

You don't have to do this.

You go back to London,

and you tell your organization

DarCo is back

and we're done playing nice.

You step foot

in Philly one more time

and I will rip

your f*cking throat out!

[Zubair groans and wheezes]

Go.

Go!

[Zubair]

[groaning] f*ck.

f*ck. [wheezes]

How does it feel to pop

your blood feud cherry?

Like I could run

a 5K or piss myself.

You're like

a serial k*ller now, man.

-You think so? Really?

-Proud of you boys.

There it is.

FYI, Ahmad Uncle

totally didn't help us.

-[Lucky] You went to Ahmad Uncle?

-Yeah.

-Ow!

-We didn't tell him anything!

We can't have one nice moment

in this family!

-[car horns honking]

-[insects chirping]

It's time that I accept

you're gone

even though it really hurts.

Love you, Baba.

[sighs]

[Mir] You good?

I'm good.

You good?

Yeah.

Baba would be proud

of his sons today.

Yeah.

-To Baba.

-To Baba.

[glasses clink]

[cat meows softly]

You threw up on me.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

-It was a lot!

-I'll dry clean your clothes.

That was crazy.

[conversation continues, indistinct]

[engine rumbling]

[cat meows]

[upbeat fusion

rock music playing]

[Shadowy Figure] I've got eyes on them.

[engine revving]

["La Trampa" by Fumaca Preta playing]

[singing in Spanish]

♪♪

[song ends]

[fanfare playing]

[fanfare plays]