01x02 - The Date

[bunniefuu]

COLLSEROLA FUNERAL HOME

What you said in there

blew everyone's minds.

I feel the same way, you know?

For reasons I don't wanna discuss.

Everything you said

about trying to enjoy the present,

and taking risks and everything,

and how none of it matters

- because in 100 years we'll all be gone

- Do you have kids?

No. No kids. You have kids?

Sure. I've got kids. Two girls and a boy.

Two daughters, huh?

Kids? Really? Do I look like a parent?

Well, no. [chuckles]

Okay, well, what line of work are you in?

Marketing. Really, ad work.

- Ah.

- For the public.

So you make advertisements.

That's way cool.

It's not bad. I mean, it's "all right."

[chuckles] Do you have any ads

I might have seen?

I have one currently running.

It's on social media.

- Ah.

- It's for the sunflower seed company.

Wait. Is it the

- Come and eat my seed ♪

- My seed ♪

- It's pretty salty ♪

- Yeah, that's it.

It's pretty salty ♪

Yes!

- That's mine.

- Yeah, you wrote it?

Mm-hmm. What's wrong?

- Nothing.

- You don't like it?

It's just

It's a double meaning for oral sex.

The sexual connotations

are obviously implied.

Not sexual connotations!

"Oh, I'm a goody-goody."

- No, I'm really not.

- Yeah.

No, look, all I'm saying is you gave

sunflower seeds a pair of breasts.

- Okay, so, what, you don't like t*ts?

- No, no, no.

No, it's just that kids

will go around saying,

"Come and eat my salty seed," you know?

Kids these days are all potty mouths.

No one reacts when they say,

"I punched him in the ba*ls."

Yeah, that is true.

I'm guessing you work with kids

for a living?

What? No, no.

I work at a dealership, actually.

In Human Resources.

So you are a goody-goody.

Again with that.

Look, I'm not a goody-goody.

I just want people to feel comfortable

whenever they're

at their place of business.

- All right.

- It's even on my LinkedIn.

Boom! [laughs]

- [person sobbing]

- Oh, dear God, man.

Hmm?

[Marta] f*ck.

Hey, do you believe in the afterlife?

Uh

Yeah, I think.

What's here can't just,

like, disappear, right?

I mean, the dead have to go somewhere.

But if the afterlife is real,

do you think you'd run into people,

say, Columbus?

Columbus and someone who dies today,

what do you think they talk about?

Oh, and not to mention physically

all you can do is move a chair around

to try and convince people

that you still exist,

and even that doesn't really happen a lot.

You think

there's a waiting list to get in?

Have you seen Interstellar?

Yeah.

Well, like, they explain it.

But Interstellar is

Isn't it about a wormhole?

And it's a love story, isn't it?

- Hmm.

- It's not?

Whatever.

I'd better be leaving. [grunts]

It's been fun, Mr. Human Resources.

[chuckles]

- I'll call you.

- I'm going to sleep.

Eat my seed!

["TIK TAK",

David Menéndez López]

LOVE YOU TO DEATH

ASPARAGUS VICENÇ PARÉS

SINCE 1967

[narrator on TV, Marta] Asparagus Vicenç.

From our lands to your hands.

[laughs]

- That's the direction we wanted.

- Very well done.

- It's great.

- Ah, thanks.

But are you sure that's what you want?

What's the problem?

He just said it was great.

I just wanna be sure

we're giving the client what they wanted.

And he said it was.

And I just wanna be sure.

If you'd let me ask

- You already approved my proposal.

- I disagree.

- But you can't disagree with yourself.

- All evidence to the contrary.

Well, I disagree with your disagreement.

As cute as you are

when you disagree with me

- Uh, don't do that.

- it doesn't make you right.

Hey, Iveth, take this down.

"Workplace harassment."

No, it wasn't, Iveth.

Don't write that down.

Harassment or not?

No, it can't be harassment

when there's clients in the room.

I just feel like something got left out.

Because, look, these asparagus

aren't just any asparagus, are they?

Absolutely not.

It's difficult to produce,

as I understand it,

both to grow and to harvest.

- Especially after the pandemic.

- We're still going on about the pandemic.

Let me try to see

if I can work through this

It's like

Asparagus Vicenç.

From our land right to your hands.

- Oh, whoa!

- Yes! Brilliant!

- [applause]

- That worked. See? Oh.

- That's the same damn slogan.

- There's a subtle difference.

- [client] We've got it, then?

- Yes, we got it.

Okay, tomorrow's sound, the day after

is color, dubbing that same day.

Looks like we have our client approval,

as of today.

And pending our London affiliate

who gives the final okay,

then we can pull out all the masters.

We'll do music at the end of the week,

along with the 15-second spot

[retches]

[retches, coughs]

Make sure there's no blood in there.

It's okay. There isn't any blood, Iveth.

An uncle of mine died from vomiting.

Uh-huh.

He died holding my finger.

It was beautiful.

[Marta sighs]

- Hey!

- Oh, hey, Gina.

How's it going?

- Good.

- Uh, stop calling me Gina.

- Will you call me Georgina from now on?

- All right, yeah.

Everything is difficult enough already,

sweetheart.

- Yeah, whatever you want, Georgina.

- Uh, not "sweetheart." Sorry. Raúl.

Raúl. [chuckles]

I just came to get some boxes

from your place.

I thought you'd still be at work,

so I dropped by.

- I had requested the morning off.

- Oh, I see.

- I promised Edu I'd help him with moving.

- Oh, he's still moving out?

Well, you were moving in,

so he was gonna live with Gerard.

- But, you know, logistics

- Yeah.

Logistics.

Yeah, well

Well, I don't know.

We'll talk soon, all right?

Okay, yeah.

Wait. No, uh, just one second. I, um

I just wanna tell you

I'm really gonna miss you.

And it's a big load of sh*t

to deal with, I know.

But things can only get better

than they are right now.

- Better or worse. That's all there is.

- Yeah.

- Can we please hug now?

- Sure. Come here.

[sniffles]

Sorry. Right, um I'm sorry.

You're not crying.

Hmm? No.

I don't know, I guess I froze up.

You know I don't work well under pressure.

- "Under pressure." Wow, okay.

- Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know, I feel like a f*cking idiot

because, once again,

it only matters to me.

- You want me to cry?

- It's the appropriate time to. Yes, Raúl.

[sighs]

- What is this?

- I'm trying. I don't know.

Are you seriously trying to cry?

Well, you can stop trying, Raúl,

all right? Let it go. Wow.

- Listen, Georgina

- What?

It hurts me too, all right?

But on the inside.

- On the inside?

- Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe it's like a birth defect

or something?

- Birth defect? Right.

- Listen, how about this?

I'll go home right now and cry.

Then I'll send you a photo.

Look, Raúl. I

You know I love you.

And I honestly hope the best things

are waiting for you in life.

Likewise.

"Likewise."

- Forget it. No, it's fine. Fine.

- The same. What?

- So I'll send you it?

- Yeah, sure you will.

- Do you want me to wait or go?

- Yes, leave.

- I never said you had to stay.

- I'm outta here.

- I think I can cross the street.

- They've changed a lot about the city.

- For the love of God.

- It's less walkable now, and

f*ck, I don't know.

Well, let's see.

According to your last period,

you're 12 weeks pregnant.

You have two weeks to decide

whether or not to abort the embryo.

Hmm

- That's it? Just two weeks?

- Mm-hmm.

I mean, come on, a half a month?

I can't, 'cause that's, well, crazy.

You should know, because you're older

in age, your egg count will be low.

Oh, yeah? How can you be sure?

Have you had a conversation

with the ovaries? You go for drinks?

No need. You're 38.

- It comes with your age.

- Well, sh*t.

In your case, and at your age,

an impromptu pregnancy isn't easy.

It's easier than you might think.

Impregnation by a rando

is the simplest thing in the world.

And every day your chance gets

more and more unlikely.

- But there's still a chance, right?

- It's very slim.

- Listen, María Concepción

- Mmm.

this nice old lady

in my dad's hometown,

she got pregnant

when she was 64 years old.

- Okay.

- I could be like her.

- You probably won't.

- But it could happen, huh?

- It's nearly impossible, Marta.

- Nearly impossible.

It's kind of like my pregnancy's

that box, you know, like Schrödinger?

Am I pregnant or am I not?

- And now that we're debating this

- We're not debating anything here.

in a few years,

I could be one of those mothers

you see on the street and say,

"Hot damn if that woman's not a ten.

How'd that mature piece get pregnant

at that age? Probably a surrogate."

- Well, in Spain, it's ill*gal.

- Exactly, right? It's ill*gal.

"That kid came out

of this vintage vag*na in all its glory."

That's the procedure normally here.

No pressure, okay?

Look, Marta, decide to be a mother

or don't decide to be a mother,

but whatever you do, do it with maturity.

- Is this an ovary, or

- And a conscience, okay?

Well, sure.

As your doctor, I have the obligation

to tell you that anything you decide

Be up for the ride?

This is very likely

your final opportunity.

Honestly, it's very hard to believe

that you'll be okay with this.

I mean, you just got diagnosed

with cancer.

Plus, what's-her-face left. Unbelievable.

Look, if you ask me to stay, I will.

Edu, uh

- Hello, hon.

- Yes?

Well, Gerard

I can't just leave him all alone.

Also, I really don't understand why

I have to go if Georgina's not moving in.

Well, it's not like

you're living on the street.

You're moving in with me

after five years together.

- Right?

- Right, babe, and I'm excited for that.

But isn't it weird

to walk out on my best friend

after he found out about having cancer?

Can we all avoid using the word,

if we could, "cancer"?

It makes me kind of uncomfortable.

I don't know, can we say "the bug"?

You need to start calling it by its name.

Cancer? It's cancer, bro.

I'm just saying

if you're not ready to move in, tell me,

but don't blame it on the cancer

or your friend.

- The bug.

- No, no, no. Cancer.

Gerard, he needs me.

Isn't that glaringly obvious now?

Look at him right now. Look at his face.

It's like life ate him up

and puked him out.

He doesn't look great, no,

but I think it's an excuse

for you to avoid moving in.

Okay, wait, wait, wait.

You're saying that I'm using

my best friend's heart cancer

as an excuse for myself?

- Hey, that is not what I said, no.

- I'm making excuses?

You're making it ridiculous, Gerard.

This is a new low.

And look at this list he made.

I found Raúl's list.

And it's all movies about cancer.

This is destroying him. Look, all right?

The Fault in Our Stars, Planta 4a,

- Dallas Buyers Club.

- There's A*DS in that, right?

- Oh, is it A*DS? I haven't seen it.

- Edu, I don't need you to stay.

- I mean, what are you gonna do here?

- You don't think I can help you at all?

Your bestest friend

who watched you grow up?

I can't help you with cancer? No?

- The bug.

- Yes. Thanks.

No, I'm not calling it "the bug,"

you got that?

You need to accept this.

I read about it on Google.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression

and acceptance are the stages.

- So which stage am I at now, guys?

- Denial, I would say.

- Denial? I don't know.

- You know everything, Gerard.

Why don't I leave you guys alone?

Because I'm useless, right?

Okay, all right. Later.

I'm out. I'm done. I can't even.

[children chattering]

- [child 1] It's my turn now!

- [child 2] Nuh-uh!

- Yes, it is!

- I'm not done yet! Let go!

- No, it's my turn now!

- Let go!

- It's still my turn!

- Stop it!

- Stop!

- No, it's my turn now!

- No, it's not!

- You're the worst

- Oh, hi. [chuckles]

- Hi.

- I've never seen you here before.

- Oh, because I haven't ever been.

Well, it's a great one. You chose

a really great park over here, right?

- Yeah, yeah. It's very cute.

- And, uh, which little rascal's yours?

- Rascal? Huh?

- Yeah.

I don't have a rascal yet.

Then what are you doing here?

Um, having a look.

Okay, but you really can't

look at the kids.

Well, I can't not look at them.

They're playing right there.

Yeah, but this isn't some kind of zoo,

all right? You can't just come watch them.

And you've already been staring at them

for 30 seconds.

I wasn't aware there was a 30-second rule.

- There's no rule. It's common knowledge.

- So how do I look at them, then?

In flashes? Like one second for one kid

and one for the next?

- And one for the next?

- What the heck is that?

I'm using my allotted 30 seconds

to look at all of these kids.

No, listen.

You don't stare at kids, period.

Please, lady, it's not like I was

over here watching them like a crazy pedo.

- I was looking at them with pure intent.

- Okay, seriously?

Well, now I'm calling the police.

- Really? You would call the police?

- Yes, yes, I am.

What are you gonna say? That I broke

the 30-second rule of the park?

No, I'm going to say

that there's a predator in the park.

[laughs] A girl can't be a child predator.

- Of course they can.

- No.

There aren't any, like, movies

with, you know, female child predators.

- There totally are.

- Name one.

- Well, I can't think of any right now.

- Oh, wait. There is one.

- That one with Cate Blanchett.

- Exactly! The one with Cate Blanchett.

- Cate Blanchett and

- She hooks up with, um

- Something about a journal. Noah?

- No, it was I think it was

- The Note Is it the Note

- No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. It's

- [child] Notes on a Scandal!

- Notes on a Scandal.

Exactly! And the other day, for example,

there was this news story I saw.

Where was it? It was over in the States

- Yeah, in Michigan.

- Michigan!

Exactly! That one teacher who

The professor who hooked up

with her student.

Exactly, right?

It was the same thing, huh?

But that might happen to anyone.

It could happen to someone like you.

Me? I'm sorry, but there's no way.

Well, it's happened to me, okay?

It's happened to me.

I've been with plenty of guys

I thought were 30 and said,

"All right, let's bring this out."

And then realized after things got going

that they were underage.

- No, no. No, no. I meant

- Okay, I'm calling the police now.

- Miguel! Miguel!

- Oh, please, not that young.

We're going home.

Get your sister and go to the car.

Okay, I'm a predator?

This kid's watched Notes on a Scandal.

Have you ever thought

of parental controls?

- Miguel watches porn, I know it!

- No, he doesn't!

[grunts]

NEW MESSAGE

TO: MARTA FUNERAL HOME

[Raúl] "Hey! What's up?"

[sighs]

Hey

"Hello."

Who are you?

[doorbell rings]

- sh*t.

- What's your deal?

You don't answer the phone

or any texts I send.

That part's not new, granted, but you

normally don't steal my pregnancy tests.

- Ana, who counts their pregnancy tests?

- I do.

I can't understand how you need that many.

It's Joel's fault.

He saw there was an offer on Amazon

to buy in bulk

where you get two boxes

for the price of one too.

That's an amazing deal.

Well, I can pay you for the test.

I'll transfer you the money now.

Then it's done.

[sighs]

Are you pregnant?

Hmm, no.

Not that I know of.

- Are we good?

- [sighs, chuckles]

Yes, I'm relieved,

because I had a knot in my stomach.

Thinking that'd make me go into labor.

Do you have anything to eat

that passes for food?

What do you mean, you're relieved, Ana?

Well, because you wouldn't wanna

have a kid, obviously.

Plus, do I do I really need to say it?

Well, let's hear it. Come on.

Because you're the most irresponsible

human I know, Marta.

Your fridge has only got canned goods

and things you can microwave.

- But it's good stuff. It's Litoral.

- You're a disaster of a person is all.

What happened to Bucksi?

Motherfu Again with Bucksi.

Please, just [sighs]

Our bunny rabbit died

when we were kids and that's all.

No, no. Our rabbit didn't just die.

He was suffocated.

And you suffocated him

by laying a blanket on top of his cage,

next to the radiator.

And I, who was only

seven and a half years old,

had to find him all fried up

with his eyes popping out.

- Here we go. I got fruit.

- That's a vegetable. Or it was.

But who cares about that?

I'm Raúl from the funeral home

[Raúl] "Wanna hang out today?"

- Did you come to grill me about Bucksi?

- [phone chimes]

I'd like to remind you

that you used to hit Bucksi.

You'd slap that fluffy bunny around.

What? What are you doing?

You were looking through my phone.

- What?

- Gender violence isn't cool.

Gender You're my sister.

- Okay, then.

- It was nothing.

I mean, I saw a light

and turned my head 'cause I saw it.

- But I didn't didn't see what it was.

- Uh-huh.

And plus, I totally respect I don't

even care. I saw it. So, who's Raúl?

Hey, Bruno.

- You know what's going on?

- What?

- No, no, no, no, no.

- [cheering]

I hate to say it. Yes.

It's your turn.

Oh, come on, Raúl.

Last week, which ones did you do?

- You did the one on feminism.

- Yeah.

And safety in the workplace.

And on bullying.

It's only one more,

and that's four apiece.

But you're a psychologist.

You should do these things.

Yeah, but they're also about employee

rights, and you are the expert there.

[sighs] Well, g*dd*mn it, then.

Hey! You watch your f*cking mouth. f*ck.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be cursing at work.

Well, yeah, sorry.

I never even said good morning.

It's just when they're all gathered there,

I'm just hit with testosterone,

and, whoa, when I get out of here,

I don't know

if I should be learning to bullfight

or taking a course with crypto bros.

- Yeah.

- I'm seeing a psychologist.

- Oh, are you?

- Yeah.

- So, hey, I'm gonna hang out back here.

- All right.

Behind the cars.

Oh, did you want a coffee?

- Yes.

- Great. Please do mine with soy milk.

- Ah.

- Thanks.

Today we're gonna talk about

group "dinamics," all right?

Dude, it's dynamics. Dynamics with a "Y."

- Spelling is so key.

- It's not "dinamics."

Does anyone have anything to share

before we start?

Anything to share with the group here?

Yes?

We should discuss the showroom.

Yes, the showroom.

Is there anything you'd like to improve?

Yeah, I have a suggestion.

Put locks on the stalls in the bathroom.

- All right, got it.

- Yeah, man.

- And why is that?

- For when we need to gas up.

- Gotta release the beast, man.

- To do meditation.

I know you think I'm an idiot,

but you should know

that I'm aware of what

you mean by gasoline,

and also that the boss,

okay, the boss, knows about it.

Oh! The boss knows about it!

- You mean the Roomba knows?

- Bro!

Anything more you'd like to discuss? Yes?

How is it possible that BMW and Audi

get these hot car models and we don't?

- It's kind of insane.

- Models?

Dude, how many times

did you actually f*ck this month?

Six.

You guys have to stop referring

to your car sales as "f*ck."

This month,

I've been f*cking f*cked nine times.

Who's got the biggest pecker here?

Oh, and another thing I wanna mention.

No more d*ck pics.

They should never be sent around

to each other ever again,

and much less to Bruno or me.

- All right?

- [phone chimes]

- And it's another d*ck pic.

- [employees laugh]

Hey! Stop sending me d*ck pics!

My phone's almost out of memory!

Raúl, you gotta lighten up a little bit.

You gotta laugh.

Are you not getting laid?

I mean, really, you need to get some.

I don't need to talk about

my personal life with you.

Our guy isn't f*cking.

He's got a below-average f*ck rate.

I had a girlfriend for five years.

Of course we definitely had relations.

And now, well well we

we just broke it off.

[all] Oh!

No "oh!" No, don't give me "oh!"

Because today I think I have a date.

[all cheering] Hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Please, all right. Enough, guys, come on.

So, you're not gonna say anything

to him? Are you serious?

- No.

- No, of course.

Because he's a normal guy

and not a drug addict or a minor.

He's gotta be disgusting,

so you don't like him.

Here we go. That guy had a beard.

I had no idea how young he was.

And you never asked, and that's why

you had no clue he was a minor.

He didn't seem that young.

Because you don't date.

You don't know how it works.

I go on dates.

Friday nights at that shitty dive

are not grown-up dates.

Hey, hey, hey. No need for cursing.

You have no idea

how to connect with people.

It's clear you're scared.

I can see you're afraid.

You need to cut all of that out

and and feel the vulnerability

and confront your fears,

connect with someone, and live life like

- I'll call, but will you leave me alone?

- Yep.

[phone buzzes]

Whoa! Is that tonight's, bro? It's her?

- Yeah, it is, yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

- Here we go, man!

- No! No, wait a second.

Play a little hard to get.

Just a little bit. Be a little toxic.

[line ringing]

I always do that,

and it works all right. Trust me.

She's gonna hang up, I know it.

- Now! Okay.

- All right.

- Uh, hi, Marta.

- [whispers] Great.

Hey. Quick question.

Are you a drug addict?

- Mute that, mute that.

- Mute it.

What the hell is wrong with your brain?

- She could hear us saying, "Mute it."

- It is what it is.

- That's a very strange first question.

- Very weird question.

- She's gotta be a cokehead.

- For sure.

- Tell her to bring us some.

- Are you there?

Yeah. No, I'm not. I've never tried drugs.

Ah. Uh, and you're an adult, right?

- "You're an adult?"

- It depends on what it is. It depends.

Second bizarre question. That makes two.

You like mature women

looking to get laid near you? Is that it?

- Adult or not?

- Dude, you already look like an idiot.

Uh, yeah, yeah, I am.

Well, that's fantastic, then.

Okay, later. See you in a bit.

There. Okay?

- You're a little bit ruined, aren't you?

- Actually, I'm amazing.

- All right! Hey, dude, there you go!

- Not bad!

- Oh, come on, guys.

- Closed the deal!

[employees] f*ck or we die!

f*ck or we die! f*ck or we die!

[laughing]

You guys wanna get a beer later on or

Enrique, don't talk to us.

Enrique, about face. Get out. Out.

Edu, this shirt you picked out

is a little bit weird, isn't it?

There's no way I can help you, is there?

No, man, I'm not going. Raúl, I can't go.

And you and me

are gonna get through this together.

[clippers buzzing]

If you're gonna go bald, so am I.

Because this is friendship, dude.

It's all love, my man. I love you.

And I know that you'd do it for me,

so I'm doing it for you.

[buzzing stops]

Huh?

Dude, what did you do?

I'm shaving my head. sh*t.

It's just I'm not getting chemo.

[chuckles]

What are you saying?

There'll be at least a little?

Not at all, dude.

I'm going straight to surgery. But

What, they won't even shave your head

when you go in?

What for? They're operating on the heart.

What, are you f*cking kidding me?

Wait, are you serious?

You're losing it, man. Edu, this is crazy.

Wow, I f*cked that to hell, dude.

f*cked it up royally.

Why didn't you ask me about it first,

though, dude?

I don't I don't know.

Everyone's doing it, man.

Haven't you seen Instagram? Everyone

and their mother is doing it, dude.

[chuckles]

What the f*ck do I do?

I look like a bowling ball, don't I?

- Hey, come here. Give me a hug, dude.

- Come on.

- [door opens, closes]

- [Gerard] Well

Thank you.

- [Edu] You're welcome, man.

- Last one, huh?

Bit by bit, but, hey, we're finally

[laughs]

No! Wha

What the hell did you do to your head?

Yeah, well Look, Gerard, sorry,

but I'm staying here.

And why'd you shave your head?

Because it's the right thing to do.

For solidarity, dude.

But he's not doing chemo.

Oh, okay. Now we're all experts on chemo.

Surely they'll give him a little at least.

I'm sure they just haven't told him

so he doesn't worry.

He's gonna need it.

I'm sorry, my love.

I don't have a clue what to say. I can't

be upset with you, looking like that.

But know that I'm mad.

Look, I was doing it for Raúl.

No. You know why you're doing this.

And that illness of his

is only an excuse, okay?

Wow. Again with this excuse stuff.

And and this seems like an excuse,

what I'm doing?

This is an excuse, huh, Gerard?

This is an excuse, huh?

Look at all these excuses, huh?

All right, how's this? Boring or?

Imagine the unholy nightmare

if you were pregnant right now.

Oh, my God. What a mess.

Why is it so bad that I get pregnant?

You got pregnant. So what?

But it's obviously not the same,

because I'm in a relationship

that's stable and serious,

and you can't make

real connections with people.

You're saying that now you have

the capacity to be someone's mother?

Well, yeah.

Of course I have the capacity to.

Have you ever dated a guy

and not had sex on the very first date?

I don't get what one

has to do with the other.

You're comparing

apples and oranges with this.

Marta, I explained this already.

The connection.

Ana, I'm not a modem. I don't connect.

[Raúl] My hair looks weird like this.

[Edu] What are you saying?

You look f*cking dope.

Look at me. I mean, I look like a kiwi.

I look so fugly now.

No, I don't feel right in this outfit.

This isn't me at all.

What? No, you look perfect.

You're juicy as hell.

Plus, come on, you've always been

really amazing at first dates.

Only two first dates and two girlfriends.

Two out of two.

What we're not looking for

is another girlfriend.

No, that sounds like a disaster right now.

- Mm-hmm.

- I get it. We want a

We want a fling, all right?

A little nut-and-bolt for my guy.

- A f*ck fest, yeah.

- A f*ck fest.

You want some "hit it and quit it" action.

You want to forge emotional bonds and

lasting relationships. Commit, you know?

Super hot, Ana.

And I really can't wait to be able

to experience a love so unconditional.

And none of that date

at the movie theater nonsense.

- That's a solid plan.

- Not if you're trying to get it on.

Okay, then. If we shouldn't f*ck,

we won't. I can't f*ck, so fine.

We could speak to each other,

of course, but that's all.

- Okay, all right.

- Okay?

But who could resist this piece of a*s?

I'd have to dress like a Jehovah's Witness

to dial all this back.

Or, you know, a bit more like you.

It's just that I'm really not comfortable

having casual sex.

Look, Raúl, okay,

you're having an operation in two weeks,

and I'm sure it's gonna go f*cking great.

And life, for whatever reason, has given

us the opportunity to create a new Raúl,

a dude with more punch, more charisma.

A dude who brings it all

and is up for anything, right?

The new Raúl. Got it?

But if this new Raúl, for some reason,

doesn't get it done

- Uh-huh.

- [whistles]

What is this, dude? Are these drugs?

- We've drugs in here?

- Don't judge.

This is also my place.

And the new Raúl doesn't judge.

What's everybody's obsession with drugs?

I don't need this sh*t.

- I can handle it.

- Yeah, I know that, dude.

Of course, of course.

You're good without it.

It's just a little boost. Come here.

Get over here. You're a sexy beast.

You look super hot, dude. My man.

- Hey. Edu

- I told you not to judge, you know?

[chuckles]

I would never have guessed juice for you.

Yep. Yeah. I'm off alcohol.

It's all about the juice.

You know, I'm drinking juice every

morning, afternoon, middle of the night.

Juice is my choice.

Did you know it's great for your eyesight?

I really don't know a lot about juice.

Yep, and actually pineapple juice

reduces the risk of cataracts.

- Really?

- Uh-huh.

For cataracts, huh?

Huh. My granny had those.

Oh, jeez, sorry. I, uh Sorry.

No, it's cool. She had an operation.

- Uh

- How's she been?

- Well, dead.

- Oh.

But the cataract surgery was successful.

Died with good vision.

Hmm.

Uh, so, you're a creative, right?

I don't wanna bore you again with my job.

Let's talk about you.

What kind of things did you study

that led you to the HR department?

Well, I studied I studied law.

Oh, and are you practicing?

Well, I tried to get a job at a law firm,

but I couldn't,

so now I work

at this car dealership, and

But I really like working there.

No, yeah, sure. I didn't say anything.

It's not my business.

Each day is a new challenge,

in one way or another.

Oh, a challenge. [sighs]

Uh, so, high school, huh?

- Good times! Sure, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah.

So many stories. You recall any fun ones?

- That you're in?

- Or you, huh?

- No, no.

- No, do me. That's fine.

Well, you There were some wild stories.

You were a legend, huh?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally crazy, yeah.

- Crazy stuff.

- Well, you burned down the tech class.

- Oh, my bad!

You had the school record

for detentions, right?

Pretty sure I still do. Yay, yay.

And you f*cked, uh

You f*cked that math teacher, didn't you?

Yeah, that story kind of f*cked

that last year of high school up,

if I had to be honest.

Because the police got involved.

And I had to testify, and, well, they

fired Pere and then his wife left him,

and he had to go live in the country

with his folks and herd goats.

And, well, then I became

a complete floozy, basically.

And, yeah, that was the worst year

of my whole life,

that now I just had to relive.

- I had no clue. I'm sorry, honestly.

- That whole fiasco.

No, no. I'm gonna run to the bathroom.

[sighs]

Hey, that shirt is amazing.

Who's your stylist?

You're here? And the mustache?

I made it with my own hair.

I'm undercover tonight.

- From who?

- Her.

- Marta?

- Yeah.

- She wouldn't know who you are.

- Of course she would.

- She's never seen you.

- When she does, I'm ready.

- Are you on drugs?

- A little bit. [chuckles]

Dude, this is the worst date

I've ever had.

Yeah, that's clear.

But that's why your homie's here.

I've got a little bit

of a special drink here.

Take a good sip of that right there.

- You'll get loosey-goosey

- What's in it? Drugs?

- No judging. I told you not to do that.

- I wanna get out of here.

She told me some weird sh*t about a goat

herd who taught math at school.

Just You're fine. You're just in denial.

And next up'll be anger.

So just drink this,

you'll begin feeling that dopamine,

the oxytocin, the serotonin,

and feeling all through your body.

- I said no, okay?

- Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna take the old Raúl

and put him in a box,

put that at the bottom of the ocean,

and all the fears that Raúl

had with him will die after that.

And the new Raúl is gonna flourish,

dude. He'll gallop and he'll trot.

This metaphor is insane.

I don't understand.

Well, it's a metaphor to f*ck, okay, Raúl?

No, dude. I'm gonna leave

and go back to Gina.

No. How could you possibly

go back to that broad?

To drag out your breakup?

You gonna try and paint a house on fire?

Look, man, I'm [sniffing]

- What's that smell, dude?

- Not sure.

It smells like a satisfying

sexual encounter with her, dude.

- Understand me now?

- I Just get away from me.

Here she comes. sh*t.

Oh, she's coming back. sh*t, dude.

[blows]

[sighs]

[sighs] Who was that guy?

- Uh, can't say.

- Well, it looked like you were talking.

- I saw him. I have eyes.

- Yeah. I don't know. Can't say.

Well, look, man, I This isn't

the first time this offer's been made.

And I'm not doing a threesome. Got it?

But I don't know that guy at all.

I don't care what you talked about

or what you'd planned.

Because right now

I'm not at a point in my life

where I can do something like that,

you know?

Right now I'm I'm in my tranquil area,

I've calmed down,

and I'm at a point

where I can connect with people,

and be responsible and drink juice.

Because otherwise,

I could never spend a Friday night

talking to a guy who works in

Human Resources, drinking pineapple juice.

Right.

- Are you all right?

- Yeah, I'm good.

It's so hot in here, right, though?

There are, like, seven of 'em,

I swear to God, all starting with J.

Juan, Jorge, Julián,

Javier, Johnny, Jacob

Right, I get it. The names

of your coworkers all start with a J.

All of them. Not just a couple of guys.

The whole team.

And they talk about stuff

I don't get at all.

Motors with 800 horsepower.

800 is so many horses.

- Oh, that's a lot.

- I have zero car knowledge.

I ride a bicycle.

- You ride a bike?

- Yeah. I tried to be vegan once.

I'm hardcore, I know.

Yeah, but I only made it a week.

All because I went cold turkey right

from the start. I didn't ease into it.

You gotta try being a vegetarian first,

then cut out animal protein.

You're chillin' hard right now,

aren't you?

Yeah? No, I don't know.

- I'm not chillin', but you are.

- No? I don't know. Yeah.

I am great, really great.

I'm loving this G&T.

You know what? This date started out

a bit badly, but now it's going well.

Yeah, you're letting

your hair down finally.

You've had a couple of big laughs.

I think that

You hear that?

[imitating club music]

You know where we gotta head?

No. Where?

[whistles]

["Blewska", Small]

[Raúl] Yeah! Get back, get back.

- Whoa!

- Do that to me!

Ah. Wow.

Hey, uh, the restrooms are all up there.

- Uh-huh?

- If you'd like to.

- Yeah, I, um

- I

- I'd go, but

- I'm not gonna go with you.

- I'm not looking to have sex.

- No, me neither.

Right now I'm just trying

to create connections.

- Right.

- If that's all right?

- Totally, yeah.

- It's very responsible.

But you really shouldn't

walk around alone here.

Yeah, sure. I can show you where.

Uh, no, no, no.

You better just go, all right?

No, no. You should come with.

No, I Fine, okay. Okay, I'm coming.

Not this one.

It's always clogged up with sh*t.

- Hmm. No, not here. Here, come.

- Um

- Uh, look.

- [door closes]

Right. Can we just think

for a minute, all right?

It's not a sexual thing. It's only

for us to see if there's chemistry.

[panting] Wait. Hold on.

- Okay.

- [moans, gasps]

- Yeah.

- [shushes]

No, no, wait.

We'll get kicked out of here.

- No, no, no. It's We'll get

- [muffled moaning]

[shushing]

[muffled moaning]

Wow, you really like to f*ck, huh?

- [muffled] c*ck!

- Ah.

Oh, that's what you

It's no big deal.

Just It's just a c*ck.

No worries. I got it. Problem solved.

Look. It's white here

because it's carrying eggs.

- It's dead now, huh? Fully dead.

- Well, yeah. I k*lled it.

You all right?

- Dead

- This is because of the roach or?

Okay, fine.

Please forgive me, Madam c*ck.

- I'll plant a tree to make up for it.

- It was here and now it's gone.

Yeah, it's gone. Well, I mean,

I guess it's actually on my shoe.

You wanna go?

- Yeah, I'm kind of dizzy now.

- Go on, go.

- Completely dead.

- Marta, what's going on?

- Get out of there.

- [Marta] Hey!

You? And you're already with her?

- Toxic b*stard. Get out of here.

- Wait, José Antonio!

Hey, what's good, dude? How's life?

- How's it going? Now out.

- How's your niece?

Fine, fine. She's great. Let's go.

He's helping me find an earring.

- Get out or I'll slap you.

- Hey, you're a really attractive guy.

Is this guy screwing with me, Marta?

No, he's not screwing with you.

He's high and

These are bigger

than a lot of women's t*ts.

[Marta] f*ck. What?

- Oh!

- Oh, sh*t.

- Oh! sh*t!

- Are you okay?

That was for him, not for you. Sorry.

Agile little as*h*le.

- Are you nuts? What the hell?

- I'm sorry, really.

I'm reporting you. Give me your badge ID.

I'm a bouncer, Marta. I don't have one.

- You must have identification.

- You know who I am. Paco.

Listen, girl, I truly am very sorry.

I'm not that guy.

I'm very sensitive,

and so I've gotten bullied.

And I just put a tough guy persona on.

It's like a character.

Actually, I'm really into

microtheater and art.

- And, you know, this whole job here

- I'm gonna die. I'm dying.

No, you're not.

Hey, you can't touch your peen in here.

- Wow, look at his eyes. Wasted.

- [Paco] High as a kite.

- Have you seen his pupils?

- Let me see.

There's no iris at all. Wow.

Like, normally his eyes are blue.

- So, that's

- Who could say right now?

Girl, it looks like

he took some Molly. Am I wrong?

Get it out of me. Just take it.

We can't do that.

It's in your bloodstream.

- There's nothing you can do right now.

- There's not?

You gotta chill. Stop touching your d*ck.

Please, come on.

- Come on, come on. Let's go.

- [groans]

- What are you

- This dude's nasty, girl.

Yeah. Ugh. Come on.

- Let's go to the hospital. Come on.

- [groans]

Well, you've had quite the night,

huh, cowboy?

- I what?

- Gave that nose a powdering, huh?

Yeah? You rode hard, huh?

He means you're high, Raúl.

High? No, I don't do drugs ever.

Well, why not? That's crazy.

You should do drugs.

They're the spice of life.

And that's my opinion as a human,

not as a doctor.

You know, medically, I have to say,

well, that they k*ll brain cells,

and they could lead to Alzheimer's,

cardiovascular problems

But it's actually totally chill.

That only happens if you abuse them.

If you do them too frequently.

Well, you could, you know, lose

your memory, you could develop anxiety,

and your sy your ner

uh uh uh

[clears throat]

So, yeah. I'll get you outta here,

but I don't want you

spending too much time with Molly.

- With who, then?

- MDMA.

- M, yeah.

- But I really I've never done drugs.

I don't know if someone, you know,

like, might have dosed me or

Ah! The dude with the mustache!

That mustache guy

was also at the restaurant.

I think he slipped him a Dragon Ball,

you know? Like a mix of

- Are you sure that's it?

- Yes, I think so, yeah.

I'm all for a good giggle and jiggle,

obviously, that's clear. Okay?

But if someone did do a Cosby here,

you should call the police.

The police? No.

It's cool. It's all good. I'm fine.

I don't I mean,

we don't need to, right?

[Marta] Oh, f*ck, dude.

If I had sex with this guy

and he had been drugged,

did I as*ault him?

Technically, you have, uh, yeah.

- No. What? Technically, it was not.

- Yeah, you did.

- I wanted it. I was all for it.

- God. What did I

- I wanted it.

- You gave her consent?

- Did you say, "Yes, I wanna do this"?

- I said

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Did I say it?

You did, yeah.

You said yes. "Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!" Like, a lot of times.

Well, there it is, then.

There's no problem, no problem at all.

- You can chill out, okay?

- Fine, yeah. That's a relief.

Well, then, we're good.

I'll go get you discharged, all right?

Oh, I'll leave my card, okay?

- Thanks.

- In case a witness is needed?

No. If you guys wanna get drinks

after this. Hit me up.

- I know tons of k*ller spots.

- Ah.

Be careful with that Molly, cowboy.

Rock on.

Huh. Let's get out of here, yeah.

And we can head over

to the police station and report it.

- I don't want to.

- You have to.

- No. I don't want to.

- Yes. Yes, you do.

Raúl, come on, man. Raúl, I'm sorry,

but that man could have hurt you.

- Hey.

- This is serious.

He's my friend.

What do you mean?

He's The mustache guy is my friend.

He wanted to help me.

- Wow. What an amazing pal.

- He's

That's, uh, Edu. He's my roommate.

But, like, why? Why?

Why'd he give me drugs?

Well, because he says I, uh

I need to loosen up

and act a little bit less like myself

and, uh, live without always

trying to control things, and

And that's why he drugged me.

So, he wants you to be

a guy that you're not?

Yeah.

So who are you?

Mmm I'm the guy that that would've

taken you to the movies and then dinner.

And after that, I'd walk you back to your

house, and nothing would've happened.

No kiss. Not even a peck.

Very Very predictable, and very simple.

[chuckles]

So, no sex with you in the bathroom.

No sex? No chance.

- No chance, huh? Okay.

- [laughs]

Well, if we're gonna be confessing things,

this really isn't me either.

- Oh, no?

- No.

I'm the girl that would've

stayed out partying all night

and probably until the next day.

And I would've slept with you

and never called you again.

[chuckles]

And I would never have dressed like this,

dressed up like some prude.

- [chuckles]

- Well, you know what?

When you went to the bathroom,

I was so scared that I nearly ran away.

Uh, I swear I only went to the bathroom

to try and climb out the window.

- [laughs] Wow!

- I swear.

Well, all right, then.

This didn't work out, huh?

We can be friends?

Any time you need to

to be less predictable,

- and more impulsive

- Great.

m*rder a c*ck, you know

you got an expert.

Okay, then, and if, for some reason,

you wanted to try a little less chaos

and a little more responsibility, then

the guy who's got

the human resources is right here.

[chuckles]

By the way, is this

your first experience doing drugs?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, well, just a warning,

tomorrow you're gonna have

the gnarliest hangover you've ever had.

Yeah. Like a really bad headache

and stuff?

Not just a bad headache.

You're gonna feel like

Your whole your whole body

and your your soul will ache.

Ah.

You're gonna wish you were someone else,

and desperately so.

You're gonna wish,

more or less, uh, that you're, um

Dead.

[clicks tongue] Yep.

- Okay.

- [phone chimes]

Hmm?

What?

- [Edu] Raúl, my guy.

- It's Edu.

- Mustache guy?

- I see you're in the ER. Are you okay?

- Oh, well

- I'm on the way, all right?

Mustache guy. He's on his way here.

- Huh.

- Yeah, he's coming.

Okay, well, uh, I'm gonna head out, then.

- Okay. [blows]

- Okay?

You'll be okay, right?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- Okay. Well, cool.

- Yeah, yeah.

[Raúl groans]

[whispering] I love you.

Yeah, you're still rolling pretty hard.

[laughs]

Oof! Ow, ow!

A kiss, please. Oh, f*ck, I'm tired.

Well, you, um should get some rest.

- Go to sleep.

- [sighs]

[groans]

- No. Now, listen.

- No, no.

You didn't know he was high earlier.

- But you knew this time, right?

- It was nothing.

- I just gave him a peck. I'm going.

- You knew now.

- No pecks. Be better.