01x04 - Found Footage

[bunniefuu]

[CRICKETS CHIRP, OWL HOOTS]

[GIRL] You know, being in these
woods reminds me of a story.

Have any of you heard of The Butcher?

He was that weird guy who
lived in a shack around here.

- Right, Lou?
- Yeah.

And everybody kept far away from him.

They could tell there was
something crazy in his eyes.

But one night, a young
bus driver ran out of gas,

so he wandered into the woods alone

when he was snatched!

There's even a nursery rhyme about it.

[SING] ♪ In the woods by Eden Lake ♪

♪ He waits inside his shack ♪

♪ If The Butcher catches you ♪

♪ You're never coming back! ♪

[ALL SCREAM]

Oh, calm down!

It's clearly just a lame urban
legend that these two are exploiting

to make you guys too
scared to go to bed.

Here's your firewood.

Classic older sister move.

Tell me that girl's name, please.

I think it's Marci.

You think her name is Marci,
or you're sure it's Marci?

Why is it so important, Henry?

Because when I grow up

I'm gonna be in a committed
romantic partnership with her.

[THEME MUSIC]

Good morning.

The Doogs!

You know, when you sleep,

you do this cute thing where
your mouth shuts real tight.

Yeah?

And when you breathe, it sounds
kinda like a donkey sighing.

It's kinda like... [SQUEAKS, BLOWS AIR]

Like that.

[HENRY] Lou? You coming?

Crap!

Wait, where are you going?
Let me make breakfast.

I can make pancakes that
look just like Mickey Mouse.

That is impressive, Bobby.

And so is...

Yeah, wow.

No notes.

But I'm not really a pancake
gal and I have to get to work.

Yeah, you have to get to work,

but you need to have to get to play.

[HENRY] Lou?!

Uh, uh...

Look, I'm gonna go get dressed,

you just stay here, don't come out.

Wait, you want me to stay here
until you get home from work?

I want you to stay until I leave,

but leave before I get home.

I love how complicated you are.

Just don't come out

until you hear the
front door shut, okay?

Yeah, yeah, sure, baby. But, Lou?

I want you to know I think
your body is pretty...

... "yeah, wow!" too.

I...

I'll finish those later, let's go.

Did you know that running the dishwasher

uses three to five times
less water than hand washing?

And I can't wait to hear
all the other water-related

facts you have for me at the station.

Saw Marci last night.

- You talked to Marci?
- Yeah.

Basically, same old Marci.

Well, she cut her hair.
And she has a baby.

Otherwise, same old Marci.

- She has a baby?
- Mm-hmm.

- Jean-Marc.
- Jean-Marc?

That's a grown man's name.

Father's no longer in the picture,

and obviously I'd be great
with a child, don't you think?

[HAND SIZZLES]

[DOOR SLAMS]

And I wanna continue this conversation

and give you advice.

But you know where I give
my best advice? On the road.

It's kind of a motion thing, let's go!

See?

I waited till I heard
the front door shut.

Have a great day!

Hey, Henry!

[ENGINE REVS]

I think that's the first person

I've seen you hang out with after work.

Is Bobby your best and only friend?

I have friends.

- And Bobby isn't...
- Name one.

- Full name.
- Can we get back to Marci?

Marci? Well, her hair...

Aside from the shorter hair.

She's been working for
NGOs around the world,

but when Jean Marc's
father left the scene

she wanted a stable
environment to raise him in

so she moved back and
opened her own practice.

She cut her hair. And it looks great!

How do you feel about Jean Marc?

That must be weird. Not just
the name, which is weird.

Lou!

[TYRES SCREECH]

[SIGHS]

[SCOFFS]

Great. They ruined it.

Don't tell me I have to go again.

Holy crap, that was so cool!

Do you know what isn't cool?

My bleeding toe because you
guys wanted me to be barefoot.

- What is going on?
- Oh, hi. Sorry. We're making a movie.

Well, it's a YouTube video for now,

but one day it'll be a movie.

Oh, hey!

[LOU] Lily?

This is what you're
doing on your day off?

Mh-hm.

Oh, so I met Tyler and Sara
at that film course I'm doing.

And Tyler was all, "We
wanna make a horror short

based on 'The Butcher of Eden Vale'."

And I was all,

"Did you say 'horror' and
did you also say 'Butcher'?

Like, what do you need?"

That's a ridiculous urban legend.

[SCOFFS]

Also, Sara is, like, a legit actress.

She's been in three local commercials

and had a speaking role in Demon Bear 4.

With an epic k*ll.

Oh! Impressive.

- We almost hit her!
- Uh.

And the victim in The Butcher
urban legend is a male.

But it's scarier if it's a chick.

- Female, lady, ma'am... Ma'am.
- Yeah. That's right.

Place the scantily clad woman in peril.

Yeah! That's what we're doing.

Hello? I'm, like, literally freezing.

I question your use of
the word 'literally'.

Also, unless you have a permit,

I'm afraid that's, literally, a wrap.

But we do have a permit.

I lodged the application
with the local BLM

detailing the sh**t and provided
a certificate of insurance

authorised by land-use permits

pursuant to 20 CFR 2920 regulations.

Do you wanna see the certificate?

Byyyye!

[SIGHS]

- Okay, let's go again.
- Yeah.

[TWIGS CRACK]

Did you hear that?

- Yeah...
- [BUSHES RUSTLE]

What is that?

It was probably just
an animal or something.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

- Right?
- Yeah.

[DOOR OPENS]

You just need an excuse
to see Marci again

so you can have a casual chat
without seeming too eager.

Should I be taking advice from somebody

who just shared a bed with The Doogs?

First of all, shut up.

Second, just because I suck
at relationships doesn't mean

I can't give you advice
on how to have a good one.

I'm not sure that's true.

Could we not discuss this at work?

I don't want my personal
life becoming office gossip.

Don't flatter yourself.

Nobody cares about your personal life.

Gladys, the waitress at the Pioneer,

she told me the whole thing.

Said she saw them talking last night!

A baby! God! What did Henry say?

Bonjour.

What? Why?

- Oh, sorry. The baby's French.
- Oh.

They could be talking about
a different French baby.

- It's a male!
- Okay.

Attention, please!

There will be no more talk

about my ex-girlfriend's French baby

from this point forward.

I was talking about the partial
skeleton we found yesterday.

- Context matters, Szczepkowski.
- Sorry.

The County lab determined

that the remains are of a male over 20.

And that the high acidity in
the soil accelerated the decay

so he was actually buried
more recently than estimated.

Between 25 to 50 years ago.

Wow! Okay, good job.

You know how Dad feels

about having an unsolved
m*rder on the books,

but we need to open an investigation.

See? He and I seriously
have nothing in common.

Unsolved murders are my favourite thing.

Really? I thought it
was being tall and weird.

I don't want these kids
filming near my property.

Those cameras send everything
right to the government

so they can control our every move.

You are worried they will force you

to take more frequent showers?

Okay, honey. Better.

Better.

But maybe you need to remember

what I said about insulting the public.

Even less than that?

Yeah, yeah, I think a
little less than that, yeah.

Excuse me? What was that about?

Lily's helping some kid make
YouTubes in the woods or something.

Don't say 'YouTubes'. And we know.

Is why I cover phones for Lily

while she make this bad movie with...

[GIGGLES] ... terrible actress.

Look at this clip from Demon Bear 4.

[SARA, ON VIDEO] No! No! Please!

I don't want to diiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!

Ahh-hahhhh!

Ahhh!

Agghhhh!

I do not believe her tears.

- [PHONE RINGS]
- Wow.

The phone there?

They will call back if it is emergency.

Dad, I want to investigate a m*rder.

Yeah, I know you do,

but there needs to be a m*rder
in order to investigate one.

Well, there has been one
- that partial skeleton that

Szczepkowski found
in that half-dug pool.

The lab revised their estimate.

It happened in the last 50 years.

What is job one around here?

I would say it's a three-way tie

between crime solving, crime prevention,

and pretending this is a
functioning police department.

He's gonna say, "making
people feel safe".

Making people feel safe.

What if they aren't safe?

Someone k*lled and dismembered
a man and got away with it.

Even if you're right,
and that is a big if,

whoever did this is
probably long dead by now.

Let's just concentrate on chasing down

the plentiful bad guys
that are walking around.

Plentiful bad guys?

I dunno about you, sis, but that
doesn't make me feel very safe.

- I'm scared to go home now.
- I'm serious.

You know we don't have the resources

to work a case this cold.

You just need to let it go. Let it go.

Don't look at me. I
need you to keep digging.

And no one, I repeat, no
one can know about this.

You want me to keep something
secret from the Chief?

Like, don't tell him?

Yes, that's the nature
of a secret, Szczepkowski.

Even Lou?

Even Lou.

Okay. Okay.

This never happened.

Alright, you guys are too
far away for me to hear

so I'm just gonna action myself.

Okay?

Rolling, and...

... action!

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

- I need to get out of here.
- [BUSH RUSTLES]

Wait.

- I heard something.
- [LEAVES RUSTLE]

Hello?

Is someone there?

[BRANCHES SHAKE]

- Is...
- [CUTS OUT]

Damnit. Phone better not be dead.

Yeah.

Where is she?

Sara?

Where'd she go?

Sara! Where are you?!

Sara?!

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

- Lily?
- Yeah?

That's her necklace.

This is so scary.

And I mean it in a bad way.

What would you want Sara to know?

That we hope she's okay.



And not just because

I can't complete my
short film without her.

For these aspiring filmmakers,
fiction has turned into reality,

as their beautiful, young
leading lady is missing,

possibly in terrible danger.

We can only hope and pray

that for her, this
story has a happy ending.

- He got here fast.
- Look how excited he is.

Sensationalising a woman in danger.

Just like their stupid
movie and every cop show

and every episode of Dateline
- so gross!

Alright, everybody! Gather round.

Alright, listen up.

First 24 hours are the most critical.

We have a young lady
who could be injured,

could be lost, of course,
we're not ruling out foul play.

We have a tip-line
set up at the station.

Priority One is bring her home safely.

Let's get after it.

Surprised he's taking
this case seriously.

If you'd been here for
the last seven years,

you'd know he's actually
very good at his job

and usually a total professional.

So, Marci has a baby? Who's the father?

And how did you not know
this? Aren't you a detective?

[SIGHS]

Hey.

Oh, hey... you.

Did you check out our
mobile command unit?

- You're welcome to use it.
- No. Don't need it.

Okay, but it's fully decked out.

Top-line tech, satellite,
barista grade coffee machine...

Glad the Sheriff's department
is spending their money wisely.

I wanted a waffle bar
but nobody listens to me.

Now that, that is a
great use of resources.

You know, everyone's always
"Team Pancake", but I'm like...

Oh, pancakes are trash.

It's like someone took a waffle

and decided to take all
of the joy out of it.


you a personal question?

Where do you stand on French toast?

I stand over an open garbage can,

scraping the French toast off my plate,

wishing I had a waffle.

Okay, well, that was a test

and you passed with flying colours, sir.

Get your wet egg bread off my plate.

So, where'd you skip off to last night?

Thought we were gonna
meet up for a drink.

Yeah. Oh... Ooh. What did I... ?

- I got really sick.
- Oh.

Yeah. I was puking.

Like, so much.

You know when you, like, puke
so much you throw your back out?

- Wow!
- Yeah, it hurt.

Sorry. Something you ate?

It was chicken that
was really pink inside.

Oh.

I shouldn't have done
it. I knew it was wrong.

But I did it anyway. Like a dum-dum.

- [PHONE BUZZES, PINGS]
- Then I went home... alone.

Was it rotisserie chicken?

Because sometimes the
ones too close to the heat

look brown on the outside but...

Yeah, it was just chicken.

Mmm.

[WHISPERS] Henry!

- What?
- Oh!

I may have found a lead in
our [WHISPERS] unsolved m*rder.

I came across an old
police report from 1987

of a woman who got picked
up for public drunkenness

and, apparently, she was
shouting that her boyfriend,

who was a bus driver, was missing.

But the police never followed up.

- Seems a little thin, but go on.
- It was also Valentine's Day.

And we found that pack of
candy hearts among the bones.

And if he was... [WHISPERS] m*rder*d,

and then... [WHISPERS] dismembered...

Please maintain a consistent
normal speaking volume.

Right, sorry. Just...

Doesn't this all kinda remind
you of that Butcher story?

He supposedly dismembered
a bus driver, right?

What's your point, Szczepkowski?

Well, some urban legends are
based in a kernel of truth.

And this woman who is
missing, isn't it possible...

That 35 years later
there's an elderly maniac

snatching new victims in the woods?

I know. I know. Sorry.

My older brother used to terrorise me

with that story when I was little.

The nursery rhyme still haunts me.

By succumbing to fear

you're only letting your older
sibling win, Szczepkowski.

And they can never win.

[PHONE RINGS]

Eden Vale Police Station,
how may I direct your call?

You are psychic and know
where is missing girl?

Psychic lady, tell me,

what am I thinking about you right now?

So you met actress once at
Comic-Con panel for Demon Bear 4?

Your tip is you are virgin?

Wrong! I got you.

I'm sorry, did I not make myself
clear? I think you are scum.

Okay, maybe now I am being too nice.

[BIG HANK] I can't believe

Louise didn't know Marci had a baby.

You'd think one of her friends
would tell her, at least.

I don't know, Chief.

Lou doesn't really
have any close friends.

What? No. She has tons
of friends from school.

From my observations,

most of them have moved
away or gotten married, sir.

- Lou married her job.
- Wait a minute.

She's supposed to be the normal one.

Are you telling me that both
my kids have people problems?

Well, at least Henry's got me.

If things didn't keep
poppin' up for him last second

we'd hang out all the time.

That just makes me sadder, Bradley.

Uh, hi. Can I help you?

Yeah. I'm Oliver. I'm Sara's boyfriend.

Oh.

Detective Lou Hickman.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Yeah.

I've been calling her all
day but it goes to voicemail.

Her battery probably
just ran out of juice.

We've got everybody out
here looking for her.

I'm sure we'll find her safe and sound.

- Right.
- [HENRY] Lou?!

I think I got something!

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Henry!

Up here.

I wanted to get a panoramic view.

From a high central viewpoint.

Sherlock Holmes. Yes, I know.

Look right there.

A partial bloody footprint.

Seems like it would've been

just as easy to spot
from the ground, but okay.

Come on, help me collect it.

I actually don't know how to get down.

A bloody footprint. A race against time.

A young, very attractive
woman, out here somewhere alone,

scantily clad, possibly
fighting for her life.

Or praying... for an early death.

We have a problem.

We can't check Sara's
blood for a DNA match

because the County lab's
centrifuge is broken.

And yet there's an $8,000
coffee machine in there.



We're looking at 24 hours
before our centrifuge is fixed.

Closest working one is four hours away.

That's too long.

I'm used to improvising, but
I can't make a centrifuge.

But... I do know of a
smart person who could.

Well, of course I could
construct one from scratch,

but it would take me
at least a full day.

Male confidence. God, it's inspiring.

No, I was talking about Marci.

She's a doctor, she's worked
under challenging conditions.

I'm sure she could come
up with some kind of hack.

I refuse to concoct
some elaborate excuse

to see her again.

That would be clumsy and embarrassing.

I will, however, see her for
this legitimate work reason

and we shall keep it
completely professional.

Thank you.

I heard about the whole
baby situation with Marci.

Wow. Stuff spreads like
wildfire in this town.

Mm-hmm.

You really think this will work?

We just need a rotating
drum that can reach 3,400 RPM

and maintain a temperature
of 39 degrees Fahrenheit.

Oh! Hello, Henry.

Hello, Marci.

What can I help you two with?

We need to put blood
in your ice cream maker.

Sorry I asked.

- So she went missing...
- Ah!

Oh, that was just a bird. Sorry.

I'm sorry, Oliver. Please, go on.

I don't understand. How
did she just disappear?

Like, she was literally
being filmed the whole time.

- Just a sec.
- Wait, Lou, can I go back to... ?

- Lily?
- Yeah. What?

I need you to get the
footage you've shot so far.

- Dailies.
- What?

That's the correct film set term.

I'm learning so much in my class.

And also, in England
they call them 'rushes'.

And in the 1940s... they...

I'm gonna go and get all the footage.

Still a pistachio guy.

Why would I get something else
when I know I like pistachio?

You might like another
flavour just as much?

Maybe even more if you took the risk.

But that risk could backfire

and I'd be forced to eat
ice cream which I hate

so as to not waste food

when I could just get
pistachio, which I know I like.

Some things never change.

This is a great idea.

I guess you're used to
having to get creative

in places with limited resources.

Oh, yeah.

In Guatemala I had to make an IV drip

out of a raincoat, a
coconut and surgical gloves.

- Even I'm surprised it worked.
- I'm not.

You've always been the
smartest woman I ever met.

Just woman? Not person?

No, I mean...

... out of all the men and women
I've met, you're the smartest.

I'm teasing.

So, this film those guys are doing

is based on that urban
legend about the Butcher?

Yes. But they gender flipped the victim.

Which I'm against.

Do you remember at camp when
Lou tried to scare us all

with that story and nursery rhyme?

Vaguely. I'm not sure.

I think that's when we
actually became friends.

I remember thinking

that you were the only kid
who saw the world like I did.

We're the only ones
who saw it correctly.

Everyone believes they
see the world correctly.

Well, of course.

Each individual's perception
of the world is unique to them

and therefore correct.

But you and I are actually right.

- You're a mess.
- I'm not a mess.

Everything I'm saying
is completely reasonable.

Your face is a mess.

Oh, right.

Thank you.

[LAUGHS] Good.

I don't understand this
movie. Where did her shoes go?

I think she lost them in the scene

where she spots the Butcher
and runs into a cave.

But they're lace up boots.

She'd have to stop, untie them,
take off the boots and socks.

Yeah. You're reading too much into it.

They need to add a
scene before she sees him

where she takes off her
boots before going to bed.

Why is she going to bed?
She doesn't have a tent!

There you go! Another plot hole.

This is one of the many good reasons

to go to the movies alone.

Nobody has to hear me complain.

I love going to the movies alone.

I used to go with Gina
when we first got married,

but if it was something I wanted to see,

like a fantasy or sci-fi thing,

I spent half the time worried
if she was enjoying it.

I'll tell you what.

You and me will go to one of
your wizard movies sometime

and I'll sit in the row behind you.

You won't have any idea

if I'm enjoying myself or
hating every minute of it.

Sorry, but if we go to a movie...

... I'm definitely sitting next to you.

One serving of separated
blood serum, no toppings.

I'll leave you to it.

Why don't we just pick
things up where we left off?

Like the last seven years didn't happen.

You mean the last seven years

where I had to mourn and process
the death of our relationship

because of your unilateral and
selfish decision to leave town?

Yes.

Let's just pretend that never happened.

You really have not changed.

Hurting you was the
biggest mistake of my life.

You said it yourself:
when we were together

it feels like we're the
only two people in the world.

I've never met anyone like
you and I know I never will.

So... what do you think?

I think we're not the only two
people in the world anymore, Henry.

There's someone else in my life.

Ugh. Of course. Who is he?

- My son.
- Oh. Right!

Jean Marc. He likes me. He smiled at me.

Jean Marc will always be
my number-one priority.

And I know you, Henry.

I know you could never be happy

being the second most
important person in my life.

Good luck with the case.

It's annoying how nice
it was to see you again.

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

This is the worst movie I've
seen since my wedding video.

Gina's uncle filmed it

and he was six beers
in before we started.

It looked like we got married at sea.

Can I ask you something?
How come you guys split up?

Well...

We met when we were really
young, freshman year of college.

And I tried to be the guy I
thought she'd want to be with

because I thought
that was what love was.

But then... I don't know,

after we got married

I guess I got tired of trying
to be perfect all the time.

I relaxed a little,
tried to be more myself.

- Big mistake?
- Ha. Yeah. [LAUGHS]

I scared her off good.

No, come on.

You should absolutely be yourself.

Because... you're cool.

I mean, you're a total nerd.

But you're cool.

Oh, thank you so much.

[LAUGHS]

[SARA, ON VIDEO] They ruined it!

Oh, my God! There's my truck!

Don't tell me I have to go again.

[DIRECTOR] Holy crap! That was so cool!

Is that what I look like?

It's a bad angle.

Fast forward.

Sorry. We're making a movie.

Okay. Let's watch it from here.

Whoa, whoa. Wait. Pause it. Pause it.

There's someone else there.

We've reached hour five
of 'Terror in the Woods',

a Channel 3 exclusive.

We may be facing the worst

as I hear police now suspect foul play.

We're losing light, and
with temperatures dropping,

this young, semi-nude
actress remains cold, missing,

and conceivably... m*rder*d.

Like I just m*rder*d that. [LAUGHS]

Yeah, baby.

Look at this.

The samples came back showing
two different blood types.

One of them matches Sara's DNA,

but it means somebody else was there

and they were bleeding too.

Must've been a struggle.
Could be our man in the woods.

We need to talk to Lily and the director

and see if they saw anyone.

Yeah, that's scary stuff.

Be good if, I...

... I don't know, talk to
a friend about it, right?

No. No, this is an open case.

That would be a very bad thing to do.

Sure, sure. I know.

But... you know, if it was closed

and there were friends that
you could talk to about it,

and maybe other things too?

Mmm. What is happening right now?

If I had to guess, I'd
say the force has moved on

from gossiping about me
to gossiping about you.

[LAUGHING] What? No! What
are you talking about?

Nobody gossips to me about you guys.

I'm gonna get Lily and
our would-be director.

- I have plenty of friends.
- Mmm.

We're looking for someone
approximately six-foot-one.

How could you possibly know that?

Sara is five-seven.

An earlier shot by that same tree

she comes just underneath that branch.

He's six inches above that.

Which means he's one inch
shorter than that doorway.

Let me guess.

You measure all door
frames when you enter a room

just in case you need to know.

No, I hit my head on that
one earlier. Really hurt.

Lou, you wanted to see us?

Whoa! Check out this joint.

It's not that cool.

Now, did either of you see

anyone else while you were filming?

- No.
- Are you absolutely sure?

Wait, what about in the morning?

Oh, yeah! We thought we
heard a noise in the woods.

Right after we saw you.
I completely forgot.

Was anyone else aware
that you were filming here?

No. Not really.

I wanted to keep this
project really hush-hush.

'Cause I didn't want someone
stealing my idea. So...

Yes, a regional urban
legend shot on a phone,

that could start a bidding w*r.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Sara's boyfriend, Oliver!

- He knew.
- Knew what?

Whoa! God. That was close.

What?

I suppose you're gonna
lull him into a confession

by pretending to be nice to him?

No. This guy may have
hurt his girlfriend.

He doesn't get the nice-guy treatment.

We're gonna set a trap for him

using a little trick I learned...

Please don't say, "on a podcast".

... on a podcast.

See, most people can make up
a lie to remember the details.

But if you ask them to repeat
the same story backwards

they mess up the order.

I think the ancient Greeks invented it.

You made that part up.

Mmm, maybe.

- Hey, how'd it go with Marci?
- It went well, obviously.

We obtained the DNA.

Dude.

She begged to get me back,

but I told her to focus
on rearing that child.

Is that so? Sounds like
you're making that part up.

Should we just focus on
questioning the suspect?

Sure.

Mmm. From Portland, huh?

Oh, yeah. Originally.

Guessin' that makes you a Blazers fan.

Of course, I was a Sonics girl myself

until they broke my heart by moving.

So you're kind of my natural enemy.

I mean, even if you didn't
k*ll your girlfriend.

What?

- No, I didn't k*ll her.
- I know, I know.

Blazers fan. Kinda hard
to trust you, right?

Did you have breakfast this morning?

Yeah...

Smart. It's an important meal.

What'd you have?

I mean, I had a coffee. Why?

Just trying to establish a timeline.

Walk us through your morning.

- No detail's too small.
- Okay.

I got up, I went to the bathroom,

I made a coffee, made a
piece of toast, with jam.

And then I went for a run.

You listen to music while you run?

I listened to a podcast.

A podcast! About what?



- Mmm, fun.
- Yeah.

So I got home, I took
a shower and shaved,

then I had a yogurt and a banana,

I answered some emails,

and then I got the call about Sara.

So I got in my car and
drove straight to the woods.

Okay, now, please.

I'm worried sick. Okay?
I'd never hurt her.

We're capable of hurting
the ones we love, Oliver.

Yeah, but I didn't do
anything to her, okay? I swear!

I told you what I did
this morning already.

Yeah. No, no, I... I know, you did.

And now I want you to tell us again.

Backwards.

From when I met you to
the moment you woke up.

[LAUGHS]

- Are you serious?
- Mmm.

Okay. Um...

I drove to the woods,

I... had a yogurt.

I answered some emails.

No, wait. Sorry. I
answered some emails first.

Wait, that was after
I had a yogurt, though.

But first, if we're talking backwards.

Anyway. Then I had a
shower, went for a run.

I also shaved. Wait.
Not while I was running.

Okay, this backwards thing's
really confusing me, okay!

[PHONE RINGS]

Sara!

Baby, you have to help me.

Okay, I'm with the police right now.

- Record it, quickly.
- He's getting closer.

Please help! [PANTS]

- Sara, where are you?
- I don't know...

A man was chasing...
he was wearing a mask

and ran up this hill.

But I still hear him looking for me.

[STATIC]

... think I'm near a lake
because I hear a boat engine.

... some kind of shack...

[PHONE BEEPS]

- What are the Blazers?
- I'll tell you later.

Okay.

After our database search
of properties in the area,

we came up with one match -


record, lives in the area.

Carson, you got the pic?

Just show it on the laptop.

It's easier for everyone to
see on the 65-inch 4K screen.

I just need to link the devices.

[LOU] Wait a sec.

That's the guy from this morning

who was angry about them
filming near his property.

Ansel Larson.

Lives in a cabin off the grid

not two miles from
where Sara disappeared.

That's gotta be our guy.

But, no, his property isn't
anywhere near the lake.

And she said she heard a boat engine.

There are no shacks
or cabins by Eden Lake.

The entire shoreline's
a nature preserve.

But a boat engine is
a very specific sound.

She wouldn't just make it
up if she didn't hear one.

What if it's not a boat she heard?

But something that
sounds like a boat engine?

Like what?

Everybody be quiet.

[DISTANT MOTOR WHIRS]

- What are we... ?
- Silence!

Can you hear that?

Yeah. The generator.

Sounds just like a boat engine.

[SNAPS FINGERS] Ansel lives off grid.

He'd definitely have a generator.

Let's take this guy down. Come on.

Wait. Henry.

It's not Ansel.

I saw his eyes.

I can tell a guy who k*lled someone

versus a guy who just doesn't

want a film nerd on his property.

- Okay, then, who is it?
- [SIGHS] Hear me out.

There's a partial skeleton
back at the station.

Someone cut it into pieces
and got away with it.

What if whoever did
it is still out there?

Don't tell me you're taking
an urban legend seriously.

Have you been talking to Szczepkowski

about the bones?

No. Have you been talking
to Szczepkowski about them?

Of course not.

Sara said she ran up a hill.

And where Ansel lives
is completely flat.

I've got a feeling we're
looking in the wrong place.

Well, I'm gonna go with the evidence.

Not feelings.

[MOTOR WHIRS]

You spend your whole life
daydreaming about something

and then one night you're actually

approaching a creepy m*rder
shack with your g*n drawn.

That's what you daydream about?

First priority is to get
the victim out safely.

Carson, take your guys around
back, we've got the front.

- I'll keep a watch on the cars.
- Szczepkowski?

- Stay here. Here with us.
- Mm-hmm.

Alright, everybody ready?

Let's go.

[MOTOR WHIRS LOUDER]

[BIG HANK] Ready?

- Police!
- Hands up!

[VACUUM CLEANER WHIRS]

[MOTOR STOPS]

Step away from the appliance, sir.

Needles down.

I am so sorry, sir.

I take full responsibility.
It's completely my fault.

I jumped the g*n a little bit.

I assumed that you
were not who you were.

How do you manage to find out

the developments in
this case so quickly?

Well, anonymous tips.

You know, as a respected
local journalist...

- Can I see your phone?
- My... ?

Only if you give me an exclusive
live-on-camera interview.

Deal.

Okay, you ready?



I'm here live with
Detective Henry Hickman.

Detective, what can you
tell us about the case?

No comment.

[CRICKETS CHIRP, BIRDS SQUAWK]

- [PHONE BUZZES, RINGS]
- Ahh!

- What?
- Where are you?

- Ansel was a dead end.
- What a surprise.

- I'm by the lake.
- Without back... ?

I'm fine. I just...

- Hold on a sec.
- Where are you... ?

I knew it! There's a boat.

Louise, don't go
anywhere... Not without...

... know who did this!

Bingo.

Don't... ! [CUTS OUT]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

[GASPS]

Oh, my God.

- You're here!
- Sara?

Oh, thank God! Thank God you came!

Are you okay? Are you hurt?

I was tied up. He'll be back soon.

- We have to get out of here.
- Stay right here.

Uh, no...

Please! Quick! We have to go!

Fresh from Vernon Lumber, huh?

And you were able to
just... untie yourself?

Yes!

We have to go now. Please!

I don't wanna diiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!

[WAILS]

Nadia was right. You
are a terrible actress.

You're also in a lot of trouble.

Well, okay, that was rude.

A bloody footprint,
a race against time...

Terror in the Woods is trending.

God, everything's working perfectly.

Tyler, I got interrogated by the police.

And they weren't supposed
to be there this morning

when I was the man in the woods.

You being a suspect helps
us. Gives the story legs.

Plus, it's not like you
actually did anything.

- Well, that's not really true.
- It was his idea.

Fake videos, building
a shack in the woods -

that's a lot of work

just to bring some attention
to your little movie.

- Thanks, man.
- Not a compliment.

There is such a thing as bad publicity.

I gotta hand it to you.

I mean, who could resist

the story of the actress
in the horror movie

being abducted by the
crazy man in the woods

the movie is based on?

I mean, was that a compliment?

Kind of.

Using the blood from Sara's cut toe,

cutting your own hand to
create two sets of DNA.

But, Oliver, next time you
give a journalist information,

don't use a phone with
the Portland area code.

And hire a better actress.

- I told you she sucked.
- Hey! That's my girlfriend.

Look, breaking into show business

requires making a big splash.

Now I'll get a great agent

and people will throw money
at me to make a real movie.

Or at least a limited
series based on a podcast.

The only thing you're gonna
be making is license plates.

You're under arrest and
you're going to jail.

Prisoners in Washington State

don't make license plates anymore.

Just a figure of speech.

Now that your former collaborators

are facing prison time
over this elaborate hoax,

how do you feel about
being duped by them?

Does it make you feel a little gullible?

Well, Lance.

This is my first time making a movie

so I'm going easy on myself.

But they fooled you too,
and you're old as hell.

I'm so proud of the
way we worked together

to solve that crazy case.

Well, we thought it
was the wrong guy. So...

Yeah, I basically solved it.

And I told her girl was bad actress,

which was key to case, so...

But the main point is that we solved it.

The women solved it.

I'm not done with my... Ah...

Wait, wait, honey?

Look, I, uh ... I've been
feeling a little guilty -

well, a lot guilty - lately.

'Cause I think I've asked a lot of you

as a detective and a daughter.

You haven't asked anything of me.

I do things because I choose to.

Yeah. I know that.

But I just wonder sometimes

if it's not coming at
the expense of... friends.

- You know, a life.
- Pfft.

I have a life.

A life outside of work.

People you go and have fun with.

Someone to talk to and hang
out with that isn't Henry.

I do not hang out with Henry!

That's even worse.

I think it's important
that you have friends,

that you have a confidante.

I am her confidante.

We have long text chain
you know nothing about.

We are BFFs, like in Beaches.

Yes. We are.

I am Bette Midler. You
are the one who dies.

I hope you don't talk too much
about me on that text chain.

- We don't.
- Not at all.

Okay.

Well, okay, I'm gonna
get some ice cream.

No. Sit. You must eat less sugar.

No, no, I got pistachio.
'Cause Henry loves pistachio.

- Don't you, Henry?
- Yep.

- Still do.
- Yep. Come on.

Thank you for rescuing
me. He's driving me insane.

Yes, it is annoying
when a parent is right

and makes good point.

You fix this problem

or you'll be old lady
who feeds birds on bench.

Yeah. Honestly, that sounds...

... like a dream, but I get your point.

['LICK YOUR WOUNDS' BY ANDY SHAUF PLAYS]

♪ Find my heartbeat ♪

♪ Drugs and failures ♪

♪ Make your way to cure my senses ♪

♪ Close your blue
eyes, kiss my dry lips ♪

♪ Fall in love with my own loneliness ♪

♪ Baby, lick your wounds ♪

♪ Baby, lick your wounds. ♪