Reluctant Royal, The (2025)

[bunniefuu]

(soft music)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

- We'll get you running

in no time at all.

- How come you don't talk to me

like that?

- I don't?

- Do you know how long

we've been going out?

- Uh...

- Three months.

- That long?

(sighs)

- We need to talk.

(soft music)

- What exactly are we?

- We're two people...

who like each other.

A lot.

- I need to know you're ready

to take our relationship

to the next level.

- Or... We could...

we could keep it at

the current level.

The current level's nice.

(sighs)

- I knew it.

- Look, um...

I'm just not quite there yet.

- You're a sweet guy, Johnny,

but...

I need someone

who can commit.

(sighs)

(door closing)

(engine clicking sound)

- Pop the hood.

(clicking)

Start 'er up.

(car starting sound)

(soft music)

- Johnny!

- Steve!

How's my power blend selling?

- They're not.

I agreed to this little hobby

of yours, but this is a bar.

Nobody wants juice. Well,

except Ms. B over here.

- It's delicious.

And it fixed my headache.

- See? She gets it.

- Speaking of fixing...

Do you know anything

about toaster ovens?

- Come on. Give me a day.

- Thanks.

(soft music)

- Hello.

I know it's your first day,

but we don't wear black

at the castle.

Black is for mourning

and funerals. Protocol.

- So sorry, Miss.

- White jackets in pantry #2.

Michelle, could you help her

please?

- Annie. The ball is

in eight days,

I need

everything to be perfect.

- And it will be.

- Oh, make sure the napkins

all have a crisp edge.

- Like overcooked bacon.

- But not.

(laughter)

At noon, you meet with

the bishop.

Statue dedication at two,

tea at four

with the Gloucester committee.

Oh, and you need to finalize

your speech for the ball.

Also, I hate to bring it up

again, but...

The taxes are a bit overdue.

(sighs)

Are you alright, your Grace?

- I'm tired, Prudence.

Of all of it.

These endless duties

and obligations.

I'm not getting any younger.

It's time we started preparing

for the inevitable

and sorted out

my succession plans.

- Your Grace?

- As you know,

with no direct heir,

the title will pass

to my closest relative.

Please send

for my cousin Alistair.

- I'm sure he's waiting

patiently by the phone.

(drops book)

- You don't approve?

- He's a title chaser.

Also, I've seen him play polo.

His horse threw him. Twice.

Horses are an excellent judge

of character.

- Surely you can't judge a man

by that.

- Mmm...

- At any rate, I've never really

connected with the people here.

If there's any way to save

this place, it's with new blood.

- Alistair Covington-Breed

is hardly new blood.

- Well, perhaps

he'll surprise us. At any rate,

I've made up my mind.

Please begin putting my affairs

in order.

- As you wish, your Grace.

(soft music)

(sighs)

Marriage?

(papers shuffling)

Marriage certificate.

(scoffs)

(up tempo music)

Your Grace!

I'm not quite sure how to say

this, but prepare to be...

surprised

isn't quite the word.

- What is the word?

- Gobsmacked!

(intense music)

- Alright everybody,

we know what night it is.

It's karaoke night!

(cheering)

And first up, coming to

the stage, we got Johnny Payne!

- Oh really? No!

- Come on Johnny, get up here!

(applause)

- Thanks, Steve.

- Let's go!

- Oh!

And now.

For the moment absolutely

nobody has been waiting for!

(laughter)

We ready for this?

( Born To Be Wild

by Steppenwolf)

Whoo!

Get your motor runnin'

Head out on the highway

Looking for adventure

And whatever comes our way

Yeah darlin'

gonna make it happen

Take the world

in a love embrace

Fire all of your g*ns at once

And explode into space

Like a true nature's child

We were born,

born to be wild

Gonna fly so high

Never gonna die

Born to be Wild

- Yeah, come on!

Born to be Wild

(applause)

(clears throat)

- Hello.

- Hey.

- Your landlord said

I might find you here.

- Well, here I am.

- Prudence Thorpe.

- Johnny Payne.

- Your hair is quite... tall.

- Thanks? I grew it myself.

You're not a process server,

are you, because I returned

those library books.

- I'm advisor to William,

Duke of Glasswick.

- Oh... Oh, that's a...

that's a new one.

- He's requesting your presence

at Glasswick Castle,

south of York.

- York.

- England.

- Great. Well, you know what?

Tell him I'll be there,

right after I meet with the King

of Hearts and Mr. Potato Head.

(car horn sound)

Just one second.

- Alright, everybody, next up.

We got Melanie.

- Ma. Can I call you back?

Yeah, I love you too.

Okay, yeah, I'll call you back.

- Time is of the essence here.

(soft rock song

in the background)

- Wow, you're really taking

this all the way, aren't you?

- I assure you,

I'm quite serious.

- Hm. Yes, you are.

So why would this duke

of wherever want to see me?

- Is there somewhere a little

more private we can talk?

- Yeah.

I think the music was a

little too loud,

but I could've sworn

I heard you say something crazy,

like a duke wanted to see me?

- Indeed. It seems you are

next in line to succeed him.

- What?

- Yeah.

The duke.

He's your father.

- No, thanks.

- That's, uh... that's all

you have to say?

- You can ask my father,

whoever he is,

where's he been

the last 38 years of my life?

And you can tell him

some other things, too.

- Don't bother. He can't commit.

Oh, he'll wait for you

to break up with him,

and fix your car on the way out.

- So you shan't be

coming, then?

- I shan't not.

- It's rather disappointing.

I was hoping that perhaps,

oh, never mind.

I will inform the duke.

Good day.

(footsteps)

- You forgot this!

(soft music)

- Hey Ma!

- Oh, Doll face!

- Hey...

- What's wrong?

- You won't believe this. Uh...

Some snoot with an English

accent walked into Steve's.

Apparently, good ol' Dad

wants to meet me.

Or rather,

I'm being summoned.

- Oh dear.

- I guess we never really talked

about him.

- I tried.

- Yeah.

I just didn't want to hear

about some clown who ran out

on us.

- It wasn't quite like that,

not really.

(sighs)

Sit down.

He was on holiday.

And I was singing at a piano bar

downtown.

And he came in every night

for a week.

- But... you got married

after a week?

(chuckles)

- Three!

(laughter)

We eloped.

We were young. And foolish.

I knew he was

from some stuffy family,

but he said he wanted

to get away from all that.

- Apparently not.

- They pressed him to return.

And he did.

He chose them.

So, I annulled it.

Found out I was pregnant,

and I sent him a letter

to let him know.

But I never heard back.

I decided right then and

there it was going to be

you and me.

- You know,

you were the best two parents

any kid could ask for.

- Meet him.

Mm? Go there.

(sighs)

- Why?

- See this part of yourself,

even if it's a small part.

- Yeah, maybe I will.

Just so I can look him in

the eye

and tell him that we turned out

just fine without him.

Check this out.

First-class ticket.

- Oh, what?

- Yeah.

(folk music)

- First time in our village?

- First time out of the States.

- Oh. What business have you got

at the castle?

- I'm seeing the Duke.

- The old crust?

(laughter)

Sure you are.

And what are you gonna say

to him?

- Hi, Dad?

(laughter)

- Oh, that is a good one, mate!

"Hi, Dad!"

(laughter)

(folk music)

Ayup. There's my castle.

Best grog in town.

- I might need a grog or two

after this.

- Good afternoon.

- Prudence.

Delightful

to see you again.

- You also.

- How good to be back

in the duchy again!

- I trust you're finding

your rooms to be adequate.

- Mine's a bit small.

I prefer the East Wing,

where I usually stay.

- Oh, that's closed off now,

Lady Elena.

- Alistair,

that should be remedied.

- Of course, Mother.

And I'm hoping that when

the time comes

that Prudence will stay on

as my advisor.

- Ah, yes.

(soft music)

- Holy guacamole!

- She's a beaut, isn't she?

She used to be worth

something once.

Not anymore.

I hear there's more debts

than rooms in this place.

You want me to wait? It won't be

long before they boot you out.

(laughter)

- It's okay.

- Give my regards

to the old crust.

- Will do.

- Welcome back.

Cousin Alistair.

- Your Grace.

- Lady Elena.

- Your Grace.

- Thank you for coming

at such short notice.

I trust you'll stay on

for the ball at the weekend?

- We wouldn't miss it

for all the tea in China!

(laughter)

- As Prudence has explained,

I've decided to start

the process

of handing over my duties

and passing on the duchy

to its rightful heir.

- Yes.

- Who, as I'm sure you know,

is...

(car horn sound)

- Ma. Yeah, I made it.

- Good Lord. What is that?

- It's a... castle.

- That is

the next Duke of Glasswick.

- What?

(soft suspenseful music)

- How you doin'?

I'm Johnny.

- Good afternoon, sir.

- Phew!

(whistles)

(Johnny chuckles)

- May I take your luggage, sir?

- Oh, it's good,

I'll hang onto it. Thank you.

- I assure you,

I'll guard it with my life.

- Thank you, Jeffers.

As you might imagine,

we weren't expecting you.

- You invited me!

- And here you are!

- Where's he?

- His Grace will be with you

shortly.

Perhaps you'd like to change.

- Into someone else?

- We do have a dress code, so...

our footmen can bring you

a jacket and tie.

- Well, then, I wouldn't look

like me.

- So you shan't be

changing clothes, then?

- I shan't not.

(chuckles)

- Oh, please

don't touch anything.

- Well, maybe I'll just...

have a look around.

- We can't have you wandering

about, getting lost.

Follow me.

Glasswick Castle has

three wings,

67 rooms, a library,

drawing room, sitting room,

dining room

and lesser dining room.

(soft piano music)

This is the grand ballroom.

- You throwing a party?

- The Glasswick Ball.

It's a time-honoured tradition.

Nothing has changed

in three centuries.

- Not even the guest list.

(chuckles)

- Thank you, Annie.

- He is cute.

- Oh!

No touching, thank you!

This way.

- It's loose.

- This place is bananas.

Gargoyles are a nice touch.

- The Duke will be

with you shortly.

- Good-looking guy.

(camera snapping)

Smile for my mom, here.

(camera snapping)

So, uh...

you in a relationship?

- I beg your pardon?

- No, you don't have to say

anything, I'm good at this.

He's of fine stock,

with a name like...

Nigel, or Basil, and when

he's not on the polo field

or out yachting about,

he's driving his Jaguar.

Am I right?

- Hm. Wait here.

And please,

don't touch anything.

- I won't touch anything.

(soft music)

En garde!

Tchink, tchink,

I'll get you now.

Gah! Ugh! Yah!

No. No!

Aaaaah!! Ahaha!

Sorry.

(rattling)

(loud crashing)

- Well.

- Hi.

- Jonathan, is it?

- Johnny.

And what do I call you?

- Your Grace is customary.

Or if you prefer,

William Charles Edward Henry,

Duke of Glasswick.

- Just rolls off the tongue,

doesn't it?

(sighs)

- Uh... shall we?

- Yeah, yeah.

- I hear you're

in the automobile industry.

- I'm a mechanic.

- I suppose the world

needs mechanics.

- Yeah, probably more

than dukes.

- Well, a title presents

its own challenges.

As you'll undoubtedly see.

- Oh, no, no, I'm not here

for the title.

- Well, you should know

that the title

is attached to the land,

and the land can't be sold.

So if it's money you're after,

I'm afraid you've come

for naught.

- That's why you think I'm here?

For money?

- I'd be remiss

if it didn't cross my mind.

- I don't want your money.

I don't want anything from you.

I just wanted to come here

and look at you face to face,

and ask you why you left.

And now having met you,

I don't think

I care anymore.

- Well.

That's that, I suppose.

- That's that.

- Does she still sing?

- What?

- Your mother.

She was quite talented.

- She gave it up.

To raise me.

(soft music)

(scoffs)

Snobby, judgmental,

condescending, arrogant,

self-centred, cold fish!

- I, uh... I take it

it didn't go well.

- I can't believe

I'm related to that guy.

- He'll warm up over time.

- Too bad I won't be here

to see it.

- So that's it?

You've come all this way

to just turn around and leave?

- I've seen enough.

- You haven't seen anything.

- I think we're done here.

- The future title of the duchy

is at stake here. Your title.

- Well, thanks for thinking

of me. But no thanks.

- You can't just decline

a dukeship.

You have to inherit it first,

then decline within a year.

- Thank you.

- Where are you going?

- The Pickled Pickle.

- You cannot stay at a pub.

- Why not?

- You're the Duke's son.

Which makes you a lord.

And heir.

- Well, maybe I'll just stay

at an Heirbnb!

- You may be the most

irritating, madding person

I've ever met.

- Same!

Jag-yoo-arh.

I knew it!

(laughter)

- Can you imagine someone like

that in a place like this?

There's a reason they're called

"commoners."

(soft guitar music)

- His blood's purer than yours.

(sighs)

(creaking doors)

- Phew...

You're beautiful.

But you need a bath.

(guitar music)

- There he is!

You son of a duke!

- That didn't last long.

- Right, lads? Pay up!

I told them you'd be booted out

within the hour.

- Word travels fast around here,

huh?

- Well, my girlfriend

works at the castle.

- So did the old crust give you

the royal small talk?

- The royal what?

- It's what they do when

they have nothing else to say.

- How are you finding

our fair village?

- I'm finding your fair

village quite lovely,

except for the occasional idiot.

- Oh, how desperate!

- It's like I'm at the castle!

(laughter)

(soft music)

(door closing)

- Have you seen a loud American

with tall hair?

- Johnny? He's over there.

- I really hope you know

what you're doing here.

- You're gonna hear it...

Right now, okay?

- Ahem.

I'd like a word, please.

- Yeah, okay.

Aw, thanks, Augie.

- Ice water, please.

- We are what we drink.

- I'll get right down to it.

The Duke's visit with you

was uncomfortable

and a bit shocking.

- I was there.

- He's instructed me to ask you

to stay through the week

and show you round.

At week's end,

you'll attend the ball.

(laughs)

- The ball?

Why?

- Your history's here.

Also, he'd like

to get to know you.

He would have told you himself

but he's not terribly good

with--

- Humans?

- Emotions.

But... I assure you

he does have them.

Thank you.

- How about you?

- Mm?

- You want me to stay?

- Oh, I have no opinion

on the matter.

Simply following his wishes.

- I'll pass.

- You can't pass on a personal

request from the Duke.

- What, is he gonna

have me beheaded?

(laughter)

- Beheading was outlawed

in the 16th century.

- Is he aware of that?

- Yeah. I assume with the amount

of time you appear to spend

in establishments

like this, you are somewhat

proficient at darts?

- Three-time reigning champion

at Steve's Bar. Not to brag.

- A wager, then.

You win, you can leave.

I win, you stay.

- Okay...

But if I win,

you get up in front

of all these people

and you sing the karaoke song

of my choice.

(coins clinking)

(rock music)

- He fixed it!

(applause and laughter)

(indistinct chatter)

- You hiring, Augie?

You got a guy.

- You first.

- Okay.

- Oh.

- Oh.

- Woo!

- Not bad at all.

- Okay.

(light, playful music)

- Oh!

- Very smooth!

I've never seen anything

like it!

- Undefeated champion

of Wymington Tri-Counties.

Jeffers will bring your things

to the castle.

- Well, that was... unexpected.

(crickets chirping)

- Where is everyone?

- In bed. It's past nine.

- Oooh, nine.

Well, I hope

I'm not keeping you up.

- I've had your things moved

to the Blue Room.

- Blue, no.

Blue's not really my colour.

(scoffs)

Maybe Blue is my colour.

No gargoyles?

- No, we had them removed.

- Did somebody iron my clothes?

- Be glad you weren't in them

at the time.

Good night.

- Good night.

(door closing)

- Whoo!

(soft music)

- Snooping, are we?

(sighs)

(laughing)

- It's called research.

- So? Is he duke material?

- Well, he says all

the wrong things,

he does all the wrong things.

- So, you like him?

- He reminds me of the boys

we knew when we were kids.

(laughter)

- Running round the village?

Oh, having fun.

- Yeah.

- Being a part of things.

I miss the old Pru.

- I kind of miss her, too.

- Tea?

- Yes! Perfect.

Thank you, Annie.

(knocking on door)

- Come in!

Hey, this old-school record

player thing wasn't working.

- Oh, sir, antique phonograph.

It's just for show.

- Just for show...

and for music.

(light music)

- I brought today's itinerary.

- Okay. Tour of the grounds,

hedge gardens, royal plaque.

Oh, leisure time,

one hour!

Exciting. Supper,

lesser dining room.

- And... wardrobe changes

are noted in red.

Jeffers will bring you a

selection of appropriate attire.

- Okay.

- Right.

- Right.

- I'll have the driver bring

the car around.

- Why don't we do the grounds

tour on those?

- Oh, those are bicycles.

Those are for--

- Fun?

- Well, yes, but fun is, uh...

not on the schedule.

- Hmm. It is today!

- Alright.

It all belongs

to the duchy.

17,000 acres, mostly farmland.

We have our own chapel

and cemetery.

- You never have to leave.

- The Duke's father,

your grandfather,

squandered what was left

of the family money.

Left him with

a mountain of debt.

He hasn't been able to turn

things round, I'm afraid.

I have to make a quick stop.

(bell chiming)

This is one of the estate's

oldest farms.

- Morning.

- Morning, Finchey.

For your new grandson.

- Thank you, Miss Prudence.

- This is Johnny.

- Ah, you must be

the Duke's boy. M'Lord.

- No, no, please.

Just... just Johnny.

- Finchey.

How are you getting on

with the old crust?

Oh, apologies!

- He's been called worse!

- Are those beets?

- You want to buy them?

'Cause no one else is.

- What's wrong with them?

- Naught.

Market's gone soft.

We'll probably just plow them

back under.

(cellphone ringing)

- Oh, excuse me.

- Any other vegetables in here?

- Hello?

- When's the last time

you used this?

- Could be a decade ago, now.

Used to be an apple orchard

on the grounds.

But we had a blight.

It's been years since the old

crust has been out here.

I'll say one thing about him,

though.

He's a right good landlord.

- Landlord?

- Most of us locals

have been tenants

on the Glasswick land for years.

His Grace doesn't charge

us a penny.

Never has.

- Really?

- Aye.

- During the Great Northern w*r,

the first Duke defended

the realm here.

The Glasswick ball was held

that very evening,

and every year since.

- Prudence!

I'd hoped that was you.

- Alistair.

- Still lingering, I see.

- The Duke has asked

that he stay on for the ball.

- And leaving after, I assume.

- Yeah, appetizer,

glass of punch and I'm gone.

- Well, then. I suppose we

should be properly introduced.

Alistair Covington-Breed

of Winshere, north of Devon.

- Johnny Payne, South Philly,

east of

Pat's Cheesesteak.

- How amusing.

Join me for a bout, won't you?

I'm sure Mr. Philadelphia

here can amuse himself.

- Yes, I'm afraid I can't

leave our guest unattended.

- Yeah, my usual babysitter's

unavailable.

- Well, you and I will have

plenty of time to parry

and counter-parry.

Fencing terminology

(laughter).

Cheerio!

(forced laugh)

- Cheerio!

- Dare I ask?

- He's your second cousin,

twice removed.

- Can he be totally removed?

(laughter)

- He's next in line, after you.

Come on, let's go for a walk.

I'll show you

the back acreage.

When I found out the Duke

had a son,

I thought, "Someone different!"

Don't bow out.

- What?

- The title.

At least consider it.

- So... I'm the lesser

of two evils.

(laughter)

- I would have worded it

differently!

- Well, I appreciate

your support, but...

I got a life back home.

And as you can see,

I don't exactly fit in here.

- Just worried about

what Alistair would do.

- Maybe he's not

as bad as you think.

- He was born with

a silver spoon in his mouth,

never worked a day

in his life.

- Says the lovely lady

who lives in a castle.

(laughter)

- I live in the castle

because my parents were

in service there.

Mum worked in the kitchen,

Dad was Head Footman.

Both died in a car crash

when I was eight.

- I'm sorry.

- The Duke took me in.

Sent me to fancy schools,

Oxford for uni. Took care of me.

- Like a dad?

- I suppose so.

First, I just wanted to fit in,

then over time I...

suppose I just became

this other person.

It was easier to have people

look up to me than down on me.

- Why didn't they just look

at you?

- It's not like that here.

- I'm looking at you.

Not up at you. Not down on you.

Just at you.

- The hedgerows were originally

planted by the fourth Duchess.

(soft music)

(indistinct chatter)

Our guests for the weekend.

Lord and Lady Quince,

along with Lady Cordelia

and her husband Archibald.

May I present Johnny Payne?

- Nice to meet you all.

- We look forward

to getting to know you.

- You say that now!

(laughter)

- I have a brilliant idea.

An afternoon ride.

How about it, cousin?

A little trot on the fields?

- Oh, perhaps another time.

- Ah. Could it be the next Duke

doesn't ride?

(light laughter)

Well, it is a rugged sport.

Perhaps something

a little more genteel.

Croquet.

Or a light game of badminton.

(laughter)

- Nah.

Let's do the horse thing.

- "The horse thing!"

(laughter)

Excellent.

(laughter continues)

Prudence, I trust that

you'll join us as well.

- Of course.

- Well, come along.

- Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

- You know,

you don't have to do this.

- I kind of think I do.

- Alright. Follow me.

- Oh wow.

Hey.

(horse snorts)

- This is Triscuit.

Beautiful, isn't he?

- Hey, Triscuit, go easy on me,

okay?

- Oh, you won't be riding him.

Alistair will be riding

Triscuit.

This is your horse.

Her name is Creampuff.

She's our gentlest,

and quite good with children.

- Creampuff.

Great.

- There he is.

And what is

your little horse's name?

- Rambo.

(neighing)

Sometimes he goes by Creampuff.

- Shall we?

(smacks lips)

Come on, boy.

Come on! Come on.

Here we go, Triscuit.

Let's go boy.

(orchestral theme music)

(soft music)

- Not bad.

- Indeed.

You haven't completely

embarrassed yourself.

- Well, I try.

- Well. Let's up the ante

and have ourselves

a little fun, shall we?

Come on, Triscuit! Come on, boy.

(up tempo music)

Yes, good. Good.

- Thank you.

- Now let's really go for it,

old chap.

Come on. Come on, boy, come on.

(Triscuit neighs)

Whoa!

- Let's go! Come on!

What are you doing, Triscuit?

(intense music)

Whoa! Whoa! Stop boy!

(both grunting)

(horse whinnies)

(light applause)

- Well done, Johnny, old chap.

(sighs)

- Alistair, where are you going?

- I'm walking back,

thank you very much!

(grunts)

- How'd you pull that off?

- Mechanical bull-riding champ.

Steve's Bar & Grill.

Undefeated.

Phew!

I call this my Power Blend.

- Alright.

- Mm-hmm.

- Alright! Moment of truth.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- Delish! And I don't even

like beets.

- It helps blood flow,

improves stamina,

and most importantly,

cures hangovers!

- Oh well, you should make

some for the pub, then.

- Hello, you big eejit!

- Hello!

- Try.

- Mmm...

- What's going on in here?

- Introducing them

to the benefits

of healthy juicing.

- Hmm.

- There was a gap

in my itinerary.

- Okay, back to work

everybody.

Eh!

- Save some for the lady,

come on. Come on!

- Ah...

Perhaps later,

first things first.

We need to go over

the details for tonight.

We'll, uh... we'll convene

in the grand room

at quarter past six.

Upon the Duke's arrival,

we'll enter

the lesser dining room.

No one sits till the Duke sits.

Once seated,

no one eats till the Duke eats.

Once the Duke has taken his last

bite, we will also stop eating.

- What if I'm still hungry?

- I don't believe

you'll be wanting anymore.

We're serving jellied eel.

- And people like that?

- Generally... not.

Down the hatch.

- Okay.

(laughter)

- That is rather good!

- And... it reduces stress!

Which I think

I'm contributing to.

- Um, yes! Just a bit.

Bottoms up!

(laughing)

- Your clothes

for the evening, sir.

- Well, look at this, huh?

Thank you, Jeffers.

- We don't take tips here, sir.

- Nobody needs to know.

And you do not need

to call me sir.

- I'm afraid I must, sir.

Thank you, sir.

In case it should be

of interest, not that it would,

but Mr. Covington-Breed wears

two-inch lifts in his shoes.

- And here I thought he was

talking down to me.

(chuckling)

(soft music)

- I must say,

you don't look terrible.

- And you most definitely

do not look terrible.

- Thank you.

- Am I wrong, or is this

your,

your fourth wardrobe

change for today?

- I'm not sure,

I've lost count.

- You know, this...

this almost feels like a date.

- Almost.

(orchestral music)

- Ladies and gentlemen,

as tradition dictates,

our dinner begins

with jellied eel.

- Bon apptit.

(cutlery clinking)

(rattling)

- Have one of mine.

It hasn't been on the floor.

(laughter)

- How thoughtful, cousin.

But I got options.

- Anyone read

any good books recently?

- Mother recently published,

didn't you?

- Yes.

"10 things to do

with a napkin ring."

- I can think of 11.

(laughter)

(forced laugh)

- You know, I just read

a fascinating article

about how certain people

use humour

to mask feelings

of inferiority.

- Hey, I'm just a guy,

sitting in front of an eel,

wishing it was a donut.

(laughter)

- Well, in the words

of the bard,

I challenge you

to a duel of wits,

but I see you're unarmed.

(laughter)

- In the words of a cabbie

from South Philly,

why don't you go take

a flying--

- Has anybody... I've heard,

it's very good,

the new exhibit at the Tate?

- Remind us, what is it

your people do, again?

- My people?

Well, my mom was a waitress,

and I'm in the automobile

industry.

- He's a mechanic.

And a rather good one,

so I've heard.

- How refreshing

to have a trade.

Can't you see my glass

is empty?

To the duchy.

Your Grace,

it is my honour to follow in

your capable footsteps.

(sighs)

- Since you're being

so honourable,

you can get in line

behind me.

I've had a change of heart.

(gasps,

indistinct whispering)

I'm in.

(soft music)

- Well, then.

To my son and heir.

The next Duke of Glasswick!

(all): The next

Duke of Glasswick!

(soft music)

(soft music)

- Your Grace,

how can you allow this?

He'll shame the dukedom.

Alistair's been groomed

for this.

- As you know,

the succession is by bloodline.

- Certainly,

you can discourage him.

- Seems he has

a mind of his own.

- Your Grace, rest assured

we will support the future Duke

in any way we can.

Come along, Mother.

(chuckles softly)

- Don't tell me

you're capitulating.

- Quite the opposite.

I assure you that philistine

from Philly

will be back under a car

before the week is up.

(line ringing)

- C'mon, pick up.

- It's Dottie.

Leave a message.

(beep!)

- Ma. You know how

you always say when I put

my mind to it,

I can achieve anything?

Well, I think I might have

taken it a step too far.

Call me!

- To one of our own!

- The future

Duke of Glasswick!

(joyous laughter)

- Put 'er there, pal.

- Thank you! Thanks, Hugh.

Ha ha! Thanks. Hey! Thank you.

Thank you. Thanks, Augie.

- Nice one, sir.

(sighs loudly)

(indistinct chatter)

(Prudence sighs)

- Ice water?

- A pint, please?

(exhales)

Cheers.

To the future!

- To the future.

What did I do?

- I'm not quite sure.

- It's not just

a commitment.

It's a lifetime commitment.

You know, it's your fault.

- What?

- Yeah. Why'd you have

to walk into that bar?

- Same reason I walked

into this one,

it's where you always are.

- That's true.

(chuckles)

- Of course, I have

to polish you up for the ball.

How attached

are you to your name?

- What?

- Johnny.

It's a bit informal.

Lord John may be better.

Or Lord Jonathan.

- Or Johnny.

After Johnny Cash.

His song was playing on

the radio when my mom was taking

me home from the hospital.

- That is rather sweet.

(Johnny sighs)

Look.

I don't expect you to change

overnight.

It's...

you just need to pretend.

Walk like a duke,

talk like a duke,

and people will see a duke.

- Kind of like what you do.

- This isn't about me.

(piano music)

- Johnny!

Get yourself over here,

this one's for you. Come on.

(piano music)

- Coming, coming!

Well we all know

A duke with some class

- We do.

The old crust we call him

just for laughs

He discovered an heir

with very tall hair

Who now owns the wrench

and the brass

Give it a go, Annie, come on!

Well?

There was a young man

from Philly

- Great city!

Whose accent sounded

quite silly

- Really?

He's a mighty fine bloke

Who can fix all that's broke

And I hope he stays on

quite sincerely

- Well done, very nice!

- Alright Hugh, keep it going.

- Alright!

(clears throat)

- Okay.

Now it's true

that I am from far away

But you made me

feel welcome each day

Now with fine friends

like these

I may never leave

And I've more

than one reason to stay

- Very nice, very nice!

Let's hear it for Johnny,

everyone!

(applause)

- Let's hear it for Hugh,

everyone! The duke!

(thrilling music)

(groans)

(grunting)

- Couldn't sleep?

- I've got a couple

of things on my mind.

- I can imagine.

Do you know what you're doing?

- Yeah. Yeah, I know my way

around an engine.

- I meant

what you agreed to tonight.

- That...

I have absolutely

no idea.

(short laugh)

- I didn't either

when I took the title.

- I thought you were born to it.

- I was... quite

a different man back then.

Ancient history, I suppose.

Do you think you can get her

running again?

- I haven't met a car

I couldn't.

- Oh.

- Can you pass me

the socket wrench?

Long handle, round head.

I'm guessing you haven't worked

on many cars.

- That would have meant

getting my hands dirty.

- Can you put your finger

right there?

- Mm...

- Yeah. I'm going to need

the needle-nose pliers.

(mumbling): Needle-nose pliers.

- That's close enough.

(violin music)

- Relax.

- Okay.

- But then, this arm up.

Up, okay. Okay.

- Okay, alright. Up. Up!

- Okay. Good?

- I think so.

- Okay. You'll be good.

Ready?

- Yes, yes. I'm ready.

- Okay.

I hear the Duke had engine

grease on his shoes

this morning.

- We nicked an oil line.

- Oh...

You'll be meeting

the 7th Count of Cavendish,

the 4th Count of Dorset,

and the 14th Count

of Ross-Shire.

- I've lost count.

(sighs)

- These are people

you'll be expected to know.

(shouts)

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

You okay?

(sighs)

- Like that,

except the exact opposite.

- Can we take a break?

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

(laughter)

- So? Hugh told me

he's been invited to the ball!

Oooh!

Thank you, Pru!

You don't know how much

this means to us.

- Okay. Okay, I might

have invited Hugh.

What harm could it be, right?

- Thank you!

Bye!

- I might've also

invited Finchey.

And his wife.

- Ah! Gee.

- They're lending us

the beet press and all.

And Finchey says there's tons of

wasted beets produced each year,

apples on the south orchard.

Who knows, if this thing

takes off,

the farmlands could make

some real money.

- I must say,

I'm rather surprised.

- Do you...

not like this idea?

- No, I...

I think it's wonderful.

- Good.

- You should probably

tell me these things,

if I'm to be your advisor

one day.

- Are you?

- It does seem

an impossible job.

But I do like a challenge.

Speaking of...

Ahem.

(violin music)

One, two, three.

Up, up, up.

(soft exhale)

(soft breathing)

(indistinct murmuring)

(sighs)

(mumbling)

- We... we were--

- That chair, that's--

- Yup, that's, uh... that's

the problem chair right here,

I just have to be aware of

that, it's too close--

- Too close, I think

we were too close.

(phone ringing)

- Hey, Ma.

- Tell me everything!

- I think he's a little

different than what we thought.

- So, the Billy

I knew is in there.

- He is.

- Aww.

Aw...

Look at that.

She has a kind face.

- I thought we were talking

about Billy.

- We're talking

about relationships, yours.

I can see by the photos,

you like her.

- Mom.

- Just don't do

what you always do.

Give her a chance?

(soft music)

- Pass the socket wrench?

(socket wrench clicking)

Can I ask you something?

- Of course.

(sighs)

- We never really...

talked about her.

- Yes.

I'm aware.

- Did you ever really love her?

- More than anything.

I can still picture the first

time I saw her...

singing.

She was wearing

a long red dress,

flower in her hair.

I sat in that bar for a week,

just plucking up the courage

to talk to her.

Happiest days of my life.

But my family couldn't accept

my marrying a... commoner.

So I came back here,

out of duty,

and let them make me

into this.

And then, all thoughts of your

mother were just a dream.

- You abandoned her.

- That was weak.

- You abandoned me.

- Huh?

- No, no, no.

I never knew about you.

- She wrote you letters.

You never answered.

- I never got them.

And I assume

she'd never got mine.

No doubt my father saw to that.

Well, that's that, I suppose.

- That's that? Aren't you angry?

Don't you feel anything?

- Did you have a good childhood?

- I had everything.

- Except a father.

I'm sorry, Johnny.

I missed out on so much.

- We both did.

(socket wrench clicking)

Okay.

Get on in.

(chuckles)

Alright.

Okay. Start 'er up.

(engine struggling)

Pump the gas a little.

(car starting)

(chuckles)

(laughter)

(engine revving)

(soft music)

(suspenseful music)

- And may I introduce

Alistair Covington-Breed,

Duke of Glasswick.

(soft music)

(birdsong)

- Your Grace!

You forgot your cane.

- I don't think I shall be

needing that anymore, Jeffers.

- Delighted to hear it, sir.

(car starting)

(soul music)

- Did you go riding

with your dad like this?

- Oh. Most of my childhood

was spent in boarding schools.

Only saw my father

on high holidays.

It's nice having you here.

- You mean, it's nice

having a mechanic around.

- No.

I meant,

it's nice having you around.

(soul music)

- You know, I've been working on

a little something.

I can't wait for you to see it.

- Jeffery, you spin it.

Come on, put some muscle

into it, you!

- What's going on,

everyone?

- Johnny!

- You see?

- Why, quite impressive!

- We got a whole juice

operation.

- Your Grace!

- Don't you mean

the old crust?

(light chuckles)

- You, uh... you knew?

- Of course!

And I don't disagree.

(chuckles)

Finchey.

- Sir.

- As you know,

tonight is the 312th

Royal Glasswick Ball.

And, as such, I'd like

to extend an invitation

to all of you.

Your, friends,

family, neighbours.

Spread the word!

- Well...

to the old crust!

- The old crust!

(laughter)

- Your Grace!

You're not answering

your phone.

Alistair is requesting

a meeting.

- I'm a bit busy here.

- He says it's urgent.

(sigh)

- Have you got a name

for this enterprise yet?

- Um, we've been kicking around

a few.

Prudence.

- Mmm?

- You got any ideas?

- Oh. Maybe.

What about...

Common Ground Juice?

- I don't think

we can beat that.

(laughter)

- Well, what do you say?

Common Ground Juice?

(chuckles)

(everyone): Common Ground!

- What's this urgent

matter about, then?

- Alistair has uncovered

some important information.

- Apparently, in her zeal

to anoint Mr. Payne,

your trusted advisor failed

to notice something.

- What are you talking about?

- Well, it seems your heir

was born

after your marriage

to his mother was annulled.

Thus, his claim to the title

is illegitimate.

You can hang around

The Pickled Pickle

if you choose.

But there's no future for you

in this castle.

- Touch.

It's a fencing term.

Well, at least we got

the car running.

(dramatic music)

Heh.

- Johnny!

- I should never have let myself

get swept up in this.

Castles, titles, jellied eels.

I came here to meet my father

and I did,

and I guess that's all

there was meant to be.

- Things have changed now.

- People don't change,

Prudence.

I don't belong here.

- That's not true.

You can't just leave.

What about us?

Oh...

She was right all along.

- She?

- The girl at the bar.

Said you'd find a way

to end things,

and fix a car

on the way out.

- I'm sorry.

- Me too.

(sad music)

- You heard already.

- Need you ask?

I am sorry, mate.

I still say you would've made

a right brilliant duke.

- Yeah, well, you spend

too much time in a pub!

(laughing)

- That is true.

- Chin up, eh?

- Yeah, you'll be alright.

- Jeffers?

- I packed up your things.

May I say it's going to be very

dull at the castle without you.

First round's on me.

- No, Jeffers,

it's not necessary.

- Actually it's on you,

I'm using your tip.

(laughter)

- I can see why you'd want

to leave this pack of eejits.

But what about Prudence?

- Pretty sure that wasn't

going anywhere anyway.

- Ey. That's rubbish!

- I quite agree.

- Don't you have a ball

to get ready for?

- We're not going.

Who wants to be around a bunch

of stiffs, anyway?

- Hey...

Friends.

- Friends.

- Friends.

(soft music)

(sighs)

- You okay?

- Yeah.

This was meant to turn out

differently.

- It almost did.

- I suppose different

wasn't meant to be.

Well, back to the way

things have always been done.

- So is that

what you're going to do, too?

- It's who I am, isn't it?

(sighs)

Well. Aren't you supposed to be

getting ready for the ball?

- I'm not going.

None of us are.

Not without Johnny.

- That's not right.

Uh...

- What is it?

- I... I... I, uh...

I need to see the Duke.

(soft, inspiring music)

- You ever change your tie,

Jeffers?

- Only on Sunday.

(laughter)

(door closing)

- You agreed to stay

through the ball.

A bet's a bet.

- Can I owe you one?

- No. You need to finish

what you started here,

and you started a lot.

You invited the village

inside those walls

for the first time

in 312 years.

You need to be there with them.

Besides, if you don't go,

who am I supposed to dance with?

- Prudence.

- You think people can't change.

Well, I disagree.

(violin music)

(violin music)

- Lord Tisbury.

How do you do?

Lovely to see you.

Lord Cavendish,

looking well.

La...

Dottie!

- Billy!

- I haven't been called that

for years!

- What do they call you?

- The old crust!

(laughter)

- You're looking lovelier

than the day we met.

- Oh!

(laughter)

- Alistair, Elena,

this is Dorothy Payne.

Dottie, these are

two of the biggest snobs

you'll ever meet.

Come along,

I'll introduce you to some more.

(chuckling)

- Ugh, what now?

Heavens above.

- Let them have

their fun.

This will all end

soon enough.

(violin music)

(laughing)

- Well, I never thought

I'd see this.

- Me neither.

Ma?

- Doll face!

Ahh! Oh, my!

- What are you doing here?

- Oh, look at you!

- Look at you!

- Well, Billy got me

a ticket out, first class!

- So sorry, this is--

- Well, it's Prudence?

I feel like I know you already.

- Oh Mrs. Payne,

it is so lovely to meet you.

- Please honey,

call me Dottie.

- Dottie. Dottie,

lovely to meet you.

- If I can have everyone's

attention.

As I'm sure you know,

I'm not exactly known

for expressing emotions.

(light laughter)

But I'm going to give it a go.

This past week has brought new

life to these old bones.

Maybe it's the beet

root juice.

(laughter)

Or driving a car I once loved.

Or communing with the good

people of Glasswick again.

It seems to me I have

been given a second chance...

to get to know my son.

Who has reminded me

of the man I once was,

when anything seemed possible.

Originally I was going

to use this occasion

to discuss my declining health.

But now I say, shut the doors

of the graveyard!

(laughter)

Because I have much yet

to accomplish.

This time, with the people

of Glasswick alongside me.

- Hey!

(applause)

- And when my time is through,

I hope that Johnny

will be ready to succeed me.

Because I think he will make

an uncommonly good duke.

- Your Grace is

obviously confused.

- Actually, I've never been

more clear.

- What are you talking about?

- Many years ago,

I married the love of my life.

But I didn't stand up for her.

For us.

Which I regret to this day.

When I received the papers

annulling our marriage,

I was heartbroken.

Too heartbroken

to sign them.

- Your signature is on them.

- Well, I'll let my advisor

speak to that.

Prudence?

- The Duke is left-handed.

His signature leaves an ink

smudge as his hand crosses

the page.

The signature on the annulment

is forged.

Most likely

by the Duke's father.

Rendering it invalid.

In fact, it is quite possible

that His Grace and

Dottie Payne are still married.

(indistinct chatter)

- Duke William!

Long live the Duke!

(applause)

(Alistair): No, no, no!

No, no!

This won't stand.

- Feel free to authenticate it

with my solicitor.

She's waiting for you

by the door.

On your way out.

- Darling.

- Don't touch me, Mother!

- Darling!

(chuckles)

- Well, that's that.

(soft piano music)

- Not quite.

When's the last time

you hugged someone?

- 1989!

(laughter)

- Speech, Johnny. Speech!

- Speech.

- Speech, um...

(nervous sigh)

Your Grace.

Dad.

You've got a lot of living

to do.

And I...

have a few things to live down.

(laughter)

And more than a lot to learn.

But I got some promises

to keep. That's right.

The boys and I, we're gonna

start a juice company.

- That's right!

(cheering)

- And we're gonna make that

farmland self-supporting again

and make the dutchie

profitable.

But before any of that,

I just want to dance

with the prettiest girl

in the kingdom.

(violin music)

(hushed chatter)

(woman squeals)

(indistinct chatter)

(insects chirring)

Lifetime commitment, huh?

- Nervous?

- Actually...

(intense music)

I can't wait.

(soft music)

(music swells)

(laughter)

- Hi!

- Oh, hey, Dad.

Is it tea time already?

Turns out I love tea time.

- Triscuit seems to like you.

- That is because he's been

bribing him with beets.

- I don't think so.

- Didn't you say that horses are

excellent judges of character?

- Perhaps...

- This beauty's going to be

leaving us soon.

- That is Triscuit's son,

Biscuit.

- And where is Biscuit going?

- Your cousin Henry is in love

with an American girl.

He's going to give her Biscuit

as a present.

- Wait a second,

I got another cousin?

Is he nicer than the other one?

- My dear boy,

you have many cousins!

Actually,

you have one called Desmond,

who's about to marry a girl

over a castle.

- Is that anywhere near here?

- Have you heard

of the Kingdom of Androvia?

- Of course I have. Who hasn't?

- Come on.

Let's go to the library

and I'll educate you on our

rather complicated family tree.

- Guess I'm a new leaf

on an old branch.

- Well, I'll be getting

the leaf blower.

(chuckles)

(laughter)

(soft music)