01x06 - Episode 6

[bunniefuu]

Listen, lady, you've
got responsibilities.

I think she was looking
for this, you know.

I mean, there is enough info
here to put the lot of them away.

We need to find out what's going
on, and prove it, and then be like,

"Bam, b*tch, there's your
leverage. Help us out, or

"read about it in the Daily Mail."
Look, we're not here to negotiate.

I'm here because I want out.

That would be a grave mistake.

A guy showed up to visit Celia
Herrington, so I followed him.

Oh, my days.

Signature. I wasn't
expecting anything.

HE WHISTLES

And you're sure the sign
said Ministry of Defence?

Definitely. It wasn't,
like, a paintball centre,

or some dudes just advertising

a taekwondo session
in a barn someplace?

Dom, it was a military base,
OK? Barbed wire. Guys with g*ns.

Real deal. OK.

This is huge.

This isn't just some
bent coppers any more.

This goes all the
way to the top.

God, I've always
wanted to say that.

All right.

We definitely have enough
information now for Kirsty.

She's basically going to
have to help us, or hear

about it on the
Evening News, baby.

I'm sorry. I've
gotten used to it.

You see what they've
turned us into?

We are getting out of this.

All right. What are you doing?

I am texting Kirsty
to meet us today.

Yes. Good. Yes.

Today, though, because today's
payday and we have two grand's worth

of gear to shift.

What's our best
ever day's takings?

500 and something. 314.

We need Kirsty's help today.
That's where we are now, OK?

We've put all our money
on Red Seven. Sorry,

it's an insensitive reference,
given your gambling addiction.

It's OK, roulette wasn't my
game. What was your game?

It was Foxy Bingo. They made
it seem so light-hearted.

Oh, oh, oh! There's
the dot-dot-dots! OK.

She's texting.
Oh, she's stopped.

Argh! She's texting again.

Argh, she's stopped. I hate
it when people do this.

PHONE PINGS Oh, OK, OK.

"Meet me at 2pm."

Yes.

I knew you were more than
who you said you was,

you thirsty Kirsty b*tch!

Yeah.

We need to stash the
dossier at your church.

What? Mm-hm. Dom,

church is for prayer
and for worship.

And on Thursday
mornings, pilates.

It is not for stashing things.

Yeah, that's why it's
a good hiding place.

It's safe, nobody goes.

OK, rude and factually wrong.

Dom, who are those people?

Run! What do you mean? Run!

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Keep running!

INDISTINCT

HE WHIMPERS

He was sh**ting a g*n at us, he was
sh**ting! Let's get out of here.

Any frightening government out
there? No, I think we're safe.

But if they did sh**t at us
in the church, the b*ll*ts

would just change
course mid-air because,

you know, we're in a church
and no weapons formed...

OK, we don't have time for this.

Sorry, sometimes I don't
even know I'm doing it.

So what's this information
you want to share with me?

OK, we know this goes all the
way up to government level.

Was that it?

Well, um...

Well, the Brightmarsh g*ng are
being allowed to deal drugs

on the estate.

And that's what Clinton
Blair was investigating.

And... And... And Superintendent
Edwards is involved.

And her contact is a woman
in an old people's home

named Celia Herrington.

Oh, you recognise
that name? I saw that.

You saw that! There was a tell.

OK, this all sounds highly
intriguing, as ever.

But like I said last time,

me and Clinton, we just
went on a few dates.

Come on, we know you know.

You know we know you know.

Just give us a fricking
bone here! Sh! Sorry.

Celia Herrington.

She ran the Central
Asia desk at MI6, OK?

She retired about 15 years ago,

although she's clearly
still meddling.

So MI6 are allowing drug
dealing on Brightmarsh - why?

Wait, are you MI6? She's MI6.

You need to put
this down right now.

OK, we will if you just
get us out of this.

You really don't get
it at all, do you?

Kirsty, please.

We're desperate.

Look, we are up turd creek and
paddles are a distant memory.

And I am trying
to help you here.

Clinton Blair, he was just
about the best police officer

I have ever met. And he
lost his life to this.

They k*lled him and made
up that corruption sh*t.

Exactly.

Who? MI6?

The police?

The Tories? The water company?

I'm really sorry you guys
got dragged into this.

I am.

But however bad things seem
now, they could get a hell

of a lot worse. Trust me.

These guys, you can't beat them.

We gave it a really
good go and...

I'm sorry.

So what now?

Now we've got nine hours to
sell a sh*t ton of heroin.

Always a pleasure doing
business with you, Dennis.

OK, let's get this man high.
Oh, there's another 20 there.

You can get another bag for that.
No, I need that for the shower.

You know what? You're going to
stay at my dad's garage tonight.

It's much more spacious, and you
can play with his domino set,

so everyone wins. Come on. OK,
get the money. Thank you. Goodbye.

How much?

Not nearly enough.

Oh, Shaky Jake.

Yes! Jake, my man.

I know you're up for
some... Jake? sh*t. Jake?

Call an ambulance,
call an ambulance.

Jake? Jake?

DIAL TONE

Ambulance, please.

Yeah. Hello? Um...

There's a guy that's just collapsed.
We're on the Brightmarsh Estate,

on the Gladstone House end.

Is he breathing? Yeah.

Yes, he is.

I think it might have been
something he took, though.

Right. OK, that's brilliant.

They're coming. They've got
one right around the corner.

All right. OK. You
hold on in there.

Everything's going to be OK.

PHONE VIBRATES

Yep. Dominique. Who's this?

My name is Celia Herrington.

SIRENS

No idea who you are. You sure
you got the right number?

I'm calling to apologise for
the rather heavy-handed approach

of my colleague earlier.

You mean the guy who
tried to sh**t us?

I'm calling because I believe we
may be able to help one another.

Go on. I think, by now, you must
know that we're rather interested

in a dossier you have. I
might know what you mean.

I'm aware of your situation.

And in exchange for the dossier, I
can arrange for you to be relieved

of your obligations to the
Brightmarsh g*ng. For good?

Immediately?

As soon as we have the dossier.

That's all we need.
You'll be free.

Where do we meet
you? Tomorrow, 4pm,

at the Hainsworth Club on
Burlington Road. But wait...

They're going to take
him in for observation.

I guess we go back to selling...

No, we don't. What
are you talking about?

I just got a phone call.

OK.

Hi.

Are you dropping off a parcel?

No, I'm here to see a lady.

Celia Herrington.

Oh, sorry.

It's just you look a bit like one
of our delivery drivers who...

No, sorry. I didn't mean that.

I mean, you don't
look like them.

You just have...
Just stop. Yeah.

Ms Herrington is in
the Chamberlain room.

First floor, second
on your right.

Dominique.

I'm Celia. This is
my associate, Marcus.

This is nice.

All the clubs I know
open up at midnight

and smell of Sambuca and farts.

So big improvements.

Will your friend,
Kayode, be joining us?

Hope so, cos he's
got the dossier.

So, you know, be awkward
if he doesn't come, right?

If you don't mind.

And turn round. Lovely.

Oh, normally expect dinner
first, but what the heck?

It's been about six months.

Just be gentle.

All right, well, we'll keep
hold of this. No, what the f*ck?

I've got six months in
that contract there.

You can have it back at
the end. Oh, right, OK.

Would you like a
refreshment? What? A drink.

Ooh.

Could I have some chips?

Food? Oh, yes. Cool.

Chips, not fries, yeah?

Just bare ketchup.

Slather that sh*t all over it.

Thank you. Hi. Can't do black people
time for a white people meeting.

Well, it was just one of those
things. I'm really sorry I'm late.

I was on the Northern
line, but there was delays.

And then I got the purple
one, but it went westbound

instead of eastbound.
It was a whole thing.

OK, this dude's gonna take your
phone and feel you up. Hurry up.

Is that Henry VIII?
Winston Churchill.

Divorced, married, died,
divorced, married, survived.

Beheaded! And sit down! Sorry.

Why does she get chips?

I want chips! Can I get
chips? Can I have a chip? No.

I really want chips.

I want chips! OK.

What is that? I asked
for ketchup, and that's

just some brown sh*t.

Kitchen makes its own.

Invest in a bottle
of Heinz, man.

I mean, this is a
nice establishment.

You don't want to do this
cheap, you see what I'm saying?

Can I give you my gum?
No? Inappropriate?

That's fine. I'll
just keep it here.

Shall we get to the matter
in hand? The dossier.

Yes, Kay, the dossier, go. I
haven't got it. What? What?

It's in a secret location.
Whose whereabouts

I will reveal under one condition.
It's in the back room of the

Renewed Sanctified
International Church in Hackney.

No, no, it's not, though.
It's not because I moved it.

Kay, what are you doing?

I will reveal the location of the
dossier when our hosts tell us

exactly what's going on.

OK, so what exactly
are we cooperating with

if we give you this dossier? I'm
afraid we can't tell you that.

That wasn't part of the deal. Yes,
Kay, that wasn't part of the deal.

And I can promise you, it's in
your best interests not to know.

She can promise us, it's not
in our best interests to know.

Well, no deal, then.

OK. Just - out. No, no.

I am a man of deep spiritual
convictions, and I need to know

that, whatever I'm
participating with,

I can square it
with the big man.

I assure you, you'll be acting
in the national interest.

You're embarrassing me. No. Sh!

Look, I don't...

I don't know what you guys
are up to, OK? I don't know.

I wish I did, but I don't, OK?

But I think you're
allowing drugs

to be dealt on the
Brightmarsh Estate,

and I don't see how that's
in anyone's interest, OK?

Drugs are bad.

You're right, Kay.

On both counts. We
are allowing it,

and drugs are bad.

But the thing is, you see, in
our line of business, you sort

of have to see the
bigger picture.

Have you heard of
the Taliban, Kay?

Yes. Mm.

Bad guys. Terrorise women,
chop off people's heads.

Not particularly forgiving
towards Christians.

Yeah, that's true.

Now, there is some good news.

The good news is that there
are people in Afghanistan

who are trying to fight
back. Great. Except...

..these aren't the sort of people
you want to be seen giving money to.

For example, they are at the
top of the heroin pyramid

when it comes to
production worldwide.

So we need to think creatively.

Instead of giving them money,

we allow them to sell

their product in carefully-selected
areas in a controlled manner.

Brightmarsh Estate. There we go.

Regrettably, there are
always casualties in w*r.

Well, I'm sold.
No, I'm not sure.

Kay. Excuse me.

Me and my colleague are just going
to discuss the aforementioned

concerns and get back to you
about all that, tout suite,

with the dossier.

f*ck. Two minutes.

Can I get some chips
to take away? Shut up!

As soon as we find the
location of the dossier,

insist on giving
them a lift home.

Dispatch them
however you see fit.

You can tell it's
from a bag. Ugh.

All right. We've
got about 30 seconds

before they realise
we ain't coming back.

There's the mic. Did
you get it? Every word.

Nice. OK.

Hey!

Go. Go, go, go, go, go.

Go, go, go! Go, go!

f*ck. Driver!

I'm going looking for Dom and Kay.
They told me to meet them here.

Are you here to meet
friends or here to worship?

I'm going to go with worship.

And you need a
Bible. I forgot mine.

I'm sure. All right.

We're here to praise the Lord.

Speed up!

Come on, speed it up! Let's
speed it up, let's speed it up!

Do you see them?

Turn in there!

f*ck!

Oh. Stop and search, guys.

You've been selected
entirely at random.

Yes, absolutely, sir. f*ck off.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Don't run!

Just get in the back.

Oh, hey.

What's your name?

TJ, right?

King size chocolate
bar of your choice

if you want our bikes for
us, yeah? King size, yeah?

Yeah, king size!
Bye, TJ! Bye, TJ!

Let us praise the Lord
today so that the living God

will inhabit our praises.

Is that not so?

I can't believe we
got away with that.

You get in the car.

Oh, right. Because I know we
owe you money for yesterday.

We'll talk about that later.

What was you doing at the
police station yesterday?

We found a wallet. You
know, I wanted to keep it,

but this guy, he wanted to hand
it in. Yeah. Get in the car.

What, in the boot?

Yes, the boot. Get in!

I'm a very big guy. This
is a very tight space.

Yeah, and I don't want to.

Can you shut the f*ck up
and get in the car? Get in.

I don't like...
I'm a very big...

I cannot do it.

I can't do it.
Don't do this to me!

Police! Stay where you are! Stay
where you are or I'll Taser you!

Stay where you are!

KNOCKING

Hello?

Hello?

OK. Did you just break
wind? I'm so sorry. I know.

I just said I shouldn't have
had that... What the f*ck?

Hold your breath.

Hang on. Wait, wait.

Oh!

There we are.

Renewed Sanctified
International Church.

Musical statues, musical
statues. Has he gone? Yeah.

Please open,
please. Oh, freedom.

OK. OK.

Legs!

Oh, God.

You're taking me with you!
You're taking me with you!

THEY YELP

Oh, my arse. Ow!
Everything hurts.

OK, come on, come on.

Round the back! Round the back?

SINGING

Is it all there? It's all
in there. Are you sure?

It's all in there, Dom.
I'm going to text Kirsty

and tell her to meet us here.

Don't bother.

Now hand it over or I sh**t.

Please, please don't think
I don't know how to use it.

Because I do. I've
done the course.

You can't sh**t us at a church.

Really?

I'm a humanistic atheist.
So that is no deterrent.

No. I mean, the thing about church
is you can always get a witness.

Answer me! I have a soul
that needs to be saved.

Praise the Lord.

Brothers and sisters.

Today is a wonderful day.

There is singing
in Heaven today.

Brothers and sisters.

Because... What? Marcus.

Marcus has accepted the
Lord Jesus into his life

and his heart! Glory!

Glory be to God!

♪ Glory be to God in the highest

♪ Hallelujah

♪ Glory be to God in the highest

♪ Hallelujah

♪ Hallelujah

♪ Hallelujah

♪ Hallelujah

♪ Hallelujah

♪ Hallelujah

♪ Hallelujah

♪ Hallelujah... ♪

And they really admit
the whole thing? Yeah.

How did you do it?

Occasionally it pays
to be underestimated.

Well, congratulations.

Clinton would have
been proud of you both.

Stay right...

Looking for this?

You got his...

He's got your g*n!

That's right. And it's going
in the weapons amnesty box.

f*ck that! f*cking hell.

Piss off, you posh b*tch.

It's all right. And I don't
normally swear in front of a church,

but you've got me
that mad. OK. OK.

Go. Stop. Dom, be
careful, please.

Get in your nice
car and leave now.

I'll sh**t you sideways.

Put it down. Goodness.

We did it!

Oh, that's really nice of you.

Thank you for coming.
I've been so worried.

No problem at all, Mr Singh.

Now, when did you first
realise he was missing?

When he didn't come home
for his dinner last night.

That's not like him.

He's a good boy.

You will find him, won't you?

Mrs Singh, I promise you, we
will do everything we can.

Yeah. Thank you.

And is he microchipped? Yes.

And my phone number is
on his little collar.

Leave it with us.
Bye, Mrs Singh.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

It's good to be back in
the old routine, isn't it?

Everything back to normal.

Good morning, Officer.

Good morning, Auntie.

Hey, Kay! Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Football!

Keep away from the windows,
lads. Regular hours.

Get some air whenever we want.

Look, I know it's not
adrenaline-soaked,

but I think we've
had enough excitement

for a lifetime, don't you?

Yeah, I guess so.

I think I might have
a job for you two.

Hop in. I'll tell
you more on the way.

We do still need to find that
lady's cat, though. Kay, shut up.

People's fur babies
mean a lot to them.

Kay, this is a cool moment,
and you're pissing on it.

Well, I'm sorry if it's not cool
to have a sense of responsibility.

We can do it on Saturdays. You
can do it on Saturdays, Kay.

I've got a life, and
allergies. Disappointing.

Kirsty, do you definitely
need both of us?

Because it was me who came
up with the whole sting idea.

Excuse me. Kirsty. Kirsty,
can you shut him up?

Stop talking.