01x08 - Drippy Drips

[bunniefuu]

- That's right, Don Drippy.

I'll see you in one hour

for the renegotiation
of your contract.

And that is what happened

in the phone call I had 30
minutes ago with Don Drippy.

- That was a very
good re-creation.

- It's crazy that my
dad gave his buddy's

experimental fast-melting
ice cream franchise

exclusive rights to
operate in New Utopia.

- I love Drippy Drips.
It's fun because it melts.

You have to eat it fast,

otherwise you get milky fingers.

Sometimes I eat it
slow on purpose.

It's licky-licky-licky good!

- Are you saying slogans,
or are those your opinions?

- I don't know.
- This has to change.

It's hot out. I
want ice cream.

And there's only one kind

because of this binding contract

signed in barbecue sauce.

- Wait. There's other
kinds of iced cream?

- Okay, weird way to say
that but, yes, Wife Joslyn.

Every self-respecting town

needs at least four competing
ice cream options...

Two hard, one soft,

and one that serves creepy
savory flavors no one likes

but that make you feel smart.
- Ha!

Limiting choice was one of your
father's mechanisms of control.

Don't you know anything?
- Oh, shut up, Bandit.

I have a big day doing
good things for the cult.

- And I'm doing good things

for the town that the cult
does its dirty dealings in.

I'm running for mayor!

- Isn't that more of
a ceremonial position?

- We love you, Mayor Pancakes!

- He's a dog!

- Every self-respecting
town needs a real mayor.

And when I win...

- You'll be in serious trouble.

Vote for Bandit.

I'm not a dog.

- That was hot.

- I mean, sort of.

Valve, turn it?

You want me to turn?

- People need to enter
with more context.

- Name's Dearl.

I release built-up
gas from swamps.

I've been doing it for years.

I live by my own
terms. Can't complain.

Your swamp out back... it's due.

- Yeah, sure, go for it.

- The gas builds up otherwise,

gets real dangerous if you
don't have a tolerance.

I have a tolerance.

- Take yes for an answer.

I'm sorry. I have ice
cream all over me.

- I work in swamps.

I'm not impressed by
a little ice cream.

Mmm.

- Ugh!

I have had enough of hot
men getting in my way today.

- Can I have permission to
have heard what he said?

- Yeah. Why?
- He's releasing the swamp gas!

Whoo-hoo!
- Huh?

Oh, no, tambourines.

Swamp day.

- The gas makes
everyone go insane.

It's kind of why I asked.

Good luck getting
anything done today.

- Mae Mae, I need you to help me

put the gas back in the swamp.

I have to focus on
girl-boss business business.

- Oh, honey, you can't shove
a crazy baby back in its mama.

That thing's alive.

- Okay, can someone
explain this to me?

- I can explain it.

Elder Amos, entering
with context.

I was your father's
personal scientist.

You can trust me. I discovered
that copper kills sperm.

Don't ask how.

- Your father founded
New Utopia on a swamp,

which is Latin
for "sloppy land."

And this sloppy land gives
off something we call gas,

but the ancients
called "swamp farts."

Let me know if I
should slow down.

You see, once a year,
our leader authorizes

the safe release of
this gas pressure

into our town's atmosphere.

Now, how long does
this gas last?

This gas lasts roughly
12 Earth hours.

- It is a psychoactive chemical

that unleashes a
highly anticipated,

consequence-free
day of debauchery...

Sort of like "The
Purge," only freakier.

The gas shows people
their true selves.

And most people's true selves

are hornier than
they'd like to admit.

But it can also
cause "crazification"

of the following brain areas...

The personality lobe,
the inhibitions lobe,

the hallucination lobe, and,
of course, the brain p*nis.

Hmm.

Swamp prank.

- And the prank lobe.

- Man, swamp day
came late this year.

We sealed this
place up right in time.

I don't mind sloppy drunks,

but sloppy gas drunks
think nothing counts.

I hate that banner.

- Mm, I felt good
about that pee.

Why is the door a wall now?

- It's surprise gas day,
and I'm sitting it out.

- But if we're all sealed up,
we're gonna miss all the fun.

- Well, too bad.

We're gonna hunker down
together and have a normal day.

Swamp gas is not my
drug, okay? Not for me.

Natural highs freak me out.

- Oops.

- Big Judy, how could you?

This is going to be the worst...

Oh.
- Atta girl.

Buckle up, kids! We're
on the G Train now.

- Snake! I knew you were low,

but to release swamp
gas on Election Day?

You did this to sabotage me!
- Why would I do that?

I have my own lean-in
pantsuit stuff to do today.

Swamp prank.

- If you were so good on policy,

you'd know that if I
didn't release the gas,

this town would explode.

Is that what you want as mayor?

An exploded town?

- You know I don't want that!

What I want is a fair race.

The mayor is licking me.

- If your campaign can't
handle a little gas,

that's on you.

- Oh, I can handle it.

Mmm.

- ♪ I take offense
you're on the fence ♪

♪ My self-defense... ♪

- Ooh.
- Aah.

So can I.

Just have to keep it
together for the deal.

Keeping it "profesh"
while volcanically horny

is one of the special
skills on my résumé,

right next to
conversational Mandarin.

No one checks.

- And I just have
to keep it together

to out-campaign a
golden retriever.

Making dogs look bad is also
one of my special skills.

Vote for Bandit for horny!

Mayor, mayor! Horny mayor!

Good God, I got to
get out of here.

- Whoo-hoo!

Aah!

- Oh, this is not good.

Not good.

Okay, Petey, focus on yourself.

You can do this as long as
nobody hot comes around.

And how hot could
some ice cream man be?

Oh, no.

Silver fox.

Let's go, girl. Come on.

Mr. Petey, I'm Drippy.

Sorry, I'm dripping.

Sorry. Hi. I'm hot old man.

One more time... Hi. I would
like to suck your old.

My bad. Hi, there. I'm
Petey. Soon we.

Ah! One more time.

Hello, sex dad.

No. Hi.

Hi, Don. Oh, there it is. Ha!

We have a lot of
business to discuss.

- Well, we should probably
get comfortable, then.

I am going to pop a button.

- Ooh!

- Thanks for, uh, making
the trip, Mr. Drippy.

- Wonderful to meet you.

Your father was a dear friend,
and you look just like him...

Well, with some key differences.

I have a feeling
we can get this settled

in three minutes or less.

Here's a new contract.

Could you sign it in
a not-hot way, please?

Thank you.
- Whoa, now.

Buy a girl a drink first.

Your dad and I never
got into the specifics.

We'd go out on the town,

and we'd let Mae
Mae handle all that.

But I like your moxie.

- Um, which part
of me is my moxie?

I'm sorry.

- I apologize as well.

This contract may have
worked for my dad,

but it does not work for me.

It makes no sense.
- I know, right?

Best deal I ever made.

- Well, your sweet,
milky gravy train

is coming to a screeching halt.

- Oh, asking me to sign

before we've even had
a little country fun.

Well, if this is a negotiation,

I'm going to need
something in return.

Mm.

Can we get a cleanup?

Oh, Wife Beth? I didn't
know you worked here.

- That's because you
never ask about me.

The gas makes me full of rage.

- Oh.

Pardon me, Mr. Drippy.

We both need to cool
down. We'll be right back.

Aah!

- Now, that's not as cold
as a regular freezer.

That's 37 degrees. That's
just right on the edge.

- Give him something in return?

Ugh, this guy's really
trying to sleep with me here.

I'm trying to screw him
over, not screw him.

- He's not horny for you.

He thinks you're an
exceptional young woman.

- Like, he's just proud of me?

Everyone's
proud of Petey.

- Oh, my God, he has
a daughter crush.

- Oh, look, Petey's catching on.

- That magical dynamic

where an older guy
sees himself in you

and he's blind to all
your obvious flaws.

It's happened to
me a lot, actually.

- Sounds like you have multiple
father figures in your life,

and I have none!

- Me and Daddy Drippy banging
it out... it's off the table!

A daughter crush is not sexual.
It can be a little bittersweet.

- I'm the one who
brought this up to you.

Why do you keep
explaining it to me?

- He'll be the George Shultz
to my Elizabeth Holmes.

The stronger his
daughter crush gets,

the more he loses all sense
of what a good investment is

and the more he'll
do whatever I want.

And that's business.

One thing is certain...

There will be other
ice cream choices

in this town.

- Oh, great! Put
me out of a job!

- Focus up!

A vote for Bandit is
a vote for issues.

- What's with the mask?

- I'm protecting
myself from madness,

the way I would like
to protect this town...

- Ugh. Shut up.

- I mean, imagine
if we had a person

to stand up to the cult leader

and not just a dog.

- But I like dogs.

- I like dogs, too.

Look, I don't want to
disparage my opponent.

I just wish there was a way
to get all your attention

so you could compare
my platform to his.

- Oh, I can think of something.

Hello, and welcome to the
New Utopia Mayoral Debate.

The first question
is for you both.

Who's a good boy?

Mayor Pancakes, you
have 30 seconds.

I like him!

He's like me!

- He's someone you
could have a beer with!

- What?
- Hey, Bandee?

- Petey?

- No, it's Polly, your
girlfriend, remember?

Boop.
- Polly, right, right.

- Why don't you
take off your mask?

Your face polls really well,

and you're kind of
sounding anti-dog.

- I can't risk Petey's
gas getting to me today.

I'm running an honest,
issues-driven campaign.

Mayor Pancakes is, of
course, a good boy,

but he's a bad
mayor.

- You say our mayor is
bad because he is a dog.

I say, okay.

No, there was more.

I say, tell us your human plan.

What will you do as mayor?

- Well, uh, jobs,
education, environment.

- Those are issue areas.
What are your policies?

Uh...

- Babe, show face.

Look at me.

I'm cute, too.

He makes a really good point.

- Now, let's have a beer.

I'm someone you
can do that with.

- But if there are
other people around,

then, yes, the size
of the yacht matters,

but the speed of
the yacht matters,

and maybe that's the distinction

that you need to
kind of internalize.

- Huh, amazing story.

My question was
about the contract.

- You focus me beautifully.

My adult daughter is
such a disappointment.

She makes these necklaces.

Well, she doesn't even make
'em... she has a fabricator.

- Oh, hold that thought.
- No, no, no.

Take your time. There is a
lesson in this, so I do want...

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we'll get back.

- May I help you?

- Okay, Dearl, I know I
didn't impress you before,

but I need to ask you a favor.

I've got a zaddy here with a
red-hot daughter crush on me...

Not perverted... and we're
renegotiating a contract,

but he doesn't want
to talk business.

He just wants to tell me
about dinners he's had

and talk sh*t about his kids.

I got to get him so loose that
he lets me set the agenda.

I need more gas.

Think you could
make that happen?

- I just want everyone to
enjoy this gift from the swamp,

no matter what the intentions.

- You're more of a
philosopher than is necessary

for your function, but
I appreciate it, Dearl.

- The gas makes you think
about things in a new way.

- Everybody go around and
say one thing about your life

that freaks you
out... I'll start.

Sometimes I see
things in my head

that haven't happened
yet, but then they do.

- I feel like there's so much
I wanted to do with my life

that I didn't do.

- Like what, fellow traveler?

- I don't know.
I just thought...

I can't say it.

Oh, having dreams
is so humiliating.

- Whatever it is,
let's make it happen

right here in the bar.

- Yes. Whoo-hoo-hoo.

- Who would we even do that?

- We up the gas.

- Big Judy is about
to open the door.

- Yeah-heh-heh!

- So everybody's sad.

We go into the cutest little
balsamic-vinegar store

on Martha's Vineyard.

Turn the corner, lo and
behold, there's a cat...

- Mm-hmm.
- In the store.

- We've got to be close.
He can't go on like this.

- Oh, we're here,

where gas is swamp
and swamp is gas

and gas is me and I am swamp.

Breathe it in, my friends.

- Don, it's been really cool
hearing about different stores

that you frequent when
you go on vacation,

but I'd like to steer
the conversation

back to the contract.

- I told you, I'll hash
it out with Mae Mae later.

Look, I think... I think I'm just
so damn proud of you that I...

I think that's what it is.

- Then you'll be happy to know

you don't have to deal
with Mae Mae anymore.

You're gonna do this
contract with me

because I'm gonna give you
the thing you want most,

and I'm gonna give
it to you right now.

- You'd do that for me?
- Yes.

I will let you take
credit for my success.

- All of it?
- All of it.

- Say more.

- I'll let you stand at a podium

while people film you talking
about how I'm the real deal.

- Oh, my God, yes.

- I'll pose with you for
a profile in "Forbes,"

while I sit and you stand with
a big meaty hand on my shoulder

and a smug look that
says, we're touching.

- Keep going.

- I'll give you the satisfaction

you aren't getting from
your own adult daughter.

- I lose money on
every one of these.

- I'll even let you promote me

to a position I haven't
been prepared for

to give your ethically
questionable company

the veneer of gender equality!

- Oh, God, yeah.

We are dying to fire the
one woman on our board.

She has been
pregnant for months.

Yes!

- Ha ha!

Dearl?

- I'm up. I'm up.

- I'm undecided.

- It's anyone's race!

- Well, thank you for being
a part of my success today.

- I can't wait to
take credit for you.

Oh, hi, there, Mae Mae.

- Swamp prank.

Oh, sh*t, Drippy, what
are you doing here?

- Petey here negotiated
the contract,

and Drip Co. Enterprises is
dropping the exclusivity clause

in our contract with New Utopia.

- Um...

no.

No, it can't be!

- It can be.

There's a whole wide world
of ice cream ahead for you,

for everyone.

- Make this make
sense. Swamp prank?

- And, of course, with the
exclusivity clause gone,

that absolutely means that
we'll be pulling our funding

of the alien cruise
ship landing terminal.

- The which one?

- The huge complex
your father designed

that we've been financing in
exchange for exclusive rights.

Mae Mae handles the specifics.

It houses the Dad
& Space Museum,

some sort of cryogenics thing,

and all your father's
pet projects.

- Don, surely you
can reconsider.

- Honestly, this
exceptional young woman

made me think of my life
in a different light.

And she's right... it just might
be time to focus on ice cream.

- Don Drippy, how dare
you think of things

in a different light?

Sugar beach! What did you do?

- Who's mad?
Don't answer that.

- I'm gonna lose.

I'm gonna lose to that dog.

- Oh, come on, Bandit.

You didn't really
want to be mayor.

You're just a troublemaker.

I know you.
- Yeah, I guess you're right.

The election results are in!

- Why is the mayor
shaking my paw?

He's conceding.

Bandee, you won.

- I won?
- By one vote.

Turnout was low.

- Well, everyone's been pretty
distracted by their own things!

- This is gonna
be bad for Petey.

I can't wait to tell her!

- But, Mr. Mayor, we've been
suppressing our urges all day.

You won. Let's celebrate
by banging it out.

Oh, no.

Polly, I'm not horny for you.

- ♪ I'll never... ♪

- Cool! Sounds good, babe.

Big day for you.

I'll sleep on the couch tonight.

It's easy. My pillow's
already there.

What did we do?

- Action.

- Hi, I'm Eliza, and
welcome to my audition

for "Diners,
Drive-ins and Dives."

Hi, sharks.

Is that how I think
all pitches start?

I know you like
some nasty bar food,

and I have some, and I
want to show it to you.

Look at 'em. Look at
these onion rings.

Pick my onion ring.

Pick me for the show.

I want everyone to
look at me and like me.

Oh, I am not happy.

I am not happy in this town.

I've been lying to myself.

I should've left when
I had the chance.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

I mean, did you ever think...

If you combine
ketchup and mustard,

it's called
"kustard."

I invented it.

- The gas shows what's inside.

- I was just high. I told
you, it's not my drug.

- I'm gonna find a burger.

- What's going on here?
- Nothing going on.

- Look, I know
you're embarrassed

that you wanted to play
big-lady business boss

and ended up jeopardizing

everything your father
and I worked for.

It's okay. Don can cool off.

When he's thinking clearly,
I'll invite him back,

wine and dine him, and get your
father's amazing space terminal

ready for the benevolent
aliens to arrive

and bring us to
salvation via comet,

which is what they use for ship.

- Right, so about that,
I guess I'm just not 100%

on, like, any of
what you just said.

- But the people are
counting on the comet,

and the comet is
counting on the terminal.

Let me help you.

So you screwed up
on gas. Who hasn't?

- I hasn't!

I won the election.

It was only by one
vote, but that's enough.

You and I are
officially at odds.

- My anti-Petey platform
really spoke to people.

Well, a person.

- You won by one vote?

Oh, no, my final prank.

- What's that, Mama?

- I voted for my son!

He'd be terrible!

Swamp prank!

- Well, congratulations,
Mayor Bandit.

I'm looking forward

to watching you be completely
ineffective as a leader

and then go back to
being a barn farmer.

Now, can you
rooter-skedaddy whatever?

- My first mayoral decree...
No more flirt-fighting.

We're officially at odds now.

Now, what about your thing?

Tell Mayor Bandit about
your spectacular failure.

- I got what I wanted, too.

- She's on gas.
Don't listen to her.

- No, I was on gas.

But even then, I
got what I wanted.

I guess I didn't know
how to tell you this.

I do think the right
thing is more ice cream,

and that's more important

than an alien cruise
ship landing terminal.

- I'm anti-cult, but that
sounds anti-cult, too.

Are you telling me we're
on the same side here?

- In this particular instance.

- Dang it, I don't know
how to process this!

- I feel great that I told
you what I really want.

Don't you feel great, too?

It's like a huge
weight has been lifted.

I'm gonna go scout some
new ice cream options.

It's all happening!

- There's a schism
in the church.

- I didn't see you
much this time.

- I had business to attend
to. It was nothing personal.

- It seems like everyone was
having fun today except me.

That makes me a little sad.

I always thought I was
the glue of my group.

They didn't even care
that I had to work.

- You can't rely on other
people for your happiness.

- You're so right. Gosh,
it feels good to talk.

I really think what's
between us... it's real.

- Shh.

Baby, you know I
belong to the swamp.

- Oh, no.

I that guy.