04x04 - The Villain’s Feast

[bunniefuu]

[seagulls squawking]

[boat horn blasts]

This is awesome!

I can't believe we got invited

to a m*rder mystery party
on a private island.

I feel just like Poirot.

Wow. This feels like the kind of
place where a celebrity gets married.

- [chuckles]
- But, like, a classy celebrity.

One of those ones whose families
were already billionaires

- but pretend like they weren't.
- Mmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

That means we have our first clue.
Whoever invited us here is very classy.

- Mmm.
- Mm-hmm.

[Poppy] Get me off of
this boat. Oh, God.

[sighs] I gotta find a
trash can or something.

Gross. Poppy, can't you
just leave that on the boat?

The captain wouldn't let me. Probably
some dumb sailor superstition.

Yeah. He didn't want a gift
bag full of vomit on his boat

- for some weird reason.
- The water wasn't even that choppy.

No, it wasn't that. I ate some
seafood that didn't agree with me.

I don't think a family-sized bag of
Swedish Fish really counts as seafood.

Yeah. Well, it's
more surf than turf.

And honestly, now it's
more a multicolored soup.

[both groaning]

[chuckles]

Aren't they so obnoxious?

No, not really. They're
actually very nice.

Yeah. All right.

You sure you wanna do this?
Last chance to turn back.

Are you kidding me? I can't wait for
this. This is gonna be so much fun.

Oh, speaking of fun.

[British accent] Welcome
to Cresswell Manor.

I trust you found your
journey comfortable.

- [stammers] Hi. I'm Storm.
- Enough pleasantries.

You are the final
guests to arrive,

and it will not do to
keep our host waiting.

Step lively, while
you still can.

- [Dana squeals]
- [Rachel chuckles]

Exciting.

[Jo screams]

- [Dana gasps]
- [Rachel chuckles]

- Whoa. This place is unreal.
- [Poppy gasps]

Oh, my God. It's, like,
straight out of Agatha Christie.

This is the first time I've ever
been sexually attracted to a house.

- Yeah, me too. [chuckles]
- [Rachel chuckles]

- Ooh, love your costume, Jo.
- What are you? The maid?

I am the games mistress.

Our host has given me strict instructions,
which I will enforce to the letter.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I must attend to my duties.

Coat.

[stammers, chuckles]

- Oh, she's fun. Huh.
- Yeah, that's Jo.

The accent's fake, but the
personality is very real.

- [Storm] Hmm.
- Hello, my darlings.

- [Storm] Wow. Nice.
- [Rachel] Whoa.

I was starting to get worried about
you guys. There's a storm coming.

- Uh, speaking of Storm.
- [Storm groans]

- [chuckles]
- [David] Huh? You ever heard that?

- Pretty good, right? [laughs]
- Yeah. That's good. You look dapper, man.

- You look nice.
- [David] Oh, thanks. Yeah.

Whoever picked our
outfits has k*ller style.

I feel like Cary
Grant. [chuckles]

- [Rachel] Who?
- [Poppy] Huh?

The movie star.

His Girl Friday.

- Oh.
- I don't-I don't know...

What? You don't know Cary
Grant? Oh, my God. [stammers]

I'm sorry. That's not even an age
thing. That… That's just a taste thing.

- We-Well, you look great.
- Yeah.

- Everyone looks great. Honestly.
- Yeah. [chuckles]

This is already the best games
night I've ever been to. [laughs]

I know, right? I've been saying for
ages, we should do something like this.

You know, cut loose. Get social.

Gives me a chance to introduce
you guys to Fun Dave.

What is the difference
between Fun Dave

- and regular David?
- Mmm.

Alcohol mostly, you know.

- [Poppy] Okay.
- Get super drunk. Yeah.

Let's get lit!

- [Rachel exclaiming]
- [Storm] Ooh, ooh, ooh.

- [Rachel] Brad. Cool costume.
- [Storm] Nice.

I am surprised to see you here.

Yeah. I thought you hated
fun stuff like this.

I mean, the forced
camaraderie? Yeah.

But, uh, I do enjoy a game of lies
and deceit in a moneyed setting.

[Storm] Nice.

I really hope we end
up hunting each other.

- And that is Brad.
- Mmm. [chuckles]

Brad, this is Storm.

- Hey, what's up, bro?
- Hey, love that suit.

- [Brad] Thanks, man.
- It's really good.

Uh, will you excuse me a sec?

- Sure.
- Don't bet him any hair.

- Did she say hair?
- [Rachel, Dana] She did.

[clapping]

And the award for Lamest Reason
To Throw a Party goes to…

Ian Grimm.

For hosting an elaborate party just
so he could grill my boyfriend.

Me? I-I'm not the host. I was
invited just like everybody else.

Oh, please. And the award for Least
Convincing Not The Host goes to...

Stop doing the awards
bit. It's not funny, Pop.

Does he find it funny? 'Cause
if he does, lock that sh*t down.

You know, if you wanted
to get to know Storm,

you really could've just asked.
I would've said no, but...

I can't believe we've been talking
for, like, a full 30 seconds

and you haven't said
anything about the glasses.

I can't believe you
didn't comment on the fact

that I'm not wearing
glasses right now.

Ah, I just noticed that.
You're not wearing glasses.

Yeah. So, some mysterious host just
invited everyone that we work with

and my boyfriend.
Who would do that?

Well, whoever he is, he has six
baths and a wraparound balcony.

The real mystery is, is he single? And
does he like a woman who cannot cook?

[Jo clapping]

Please make your
way to the library.

The game will begin soon.
Or perhaps it already has.

- Ooh.
- Mmm.

- Okay, Maggie Smith.
- [chuckles]

Carol, what do you
think of the glasses?

[groans]

Good evening, brave players, and
welcome to the Villain's Feast!

Prepare yourselves for a
night of fun and games,

blood and bluffing,
m*rder and mayhem.

And dinner, right? 'Cause I left
my lunch on the dock. [chuckles]

The rules of the
game are simple.

There are eight players, seven
innocent and one villain.

Why the villain gotta be Black?

[normal voice] It's the '40s?

Hmm. Continue.

[British accent] The game is
played in 20-minute rounds

of night and day.

Each night, the villain
kills one innocent.

They do this by informing
me of their intended victim.

Each morning, the remaining
players deliberate,

pick a suspect and
eliminate them.

The game ends when the villain is
caught or when all innocents are dead.

We're playing Werewolf.

- [normal voice] It's not Werewolf.
- Yeah, dummy. It's Mafia.

- It's like that show, Traitors.
- It's none of those things.

It's the Villain's Feast and
it's its own separate thing.

Now stop interrupting me.
You're throwing off my accent.

[British accent] The waiter
brought her order a little later.

I'm back. The hour has
come to select our villain.

I have a card for each
and every one of you.

Love the getup.

Sir.

[sighs]

Whoever receives the villain card,
prepare to unleash your reign of terror.

[bell tolls]

For night has fallen
at Cresswell Manor.

Mix, mingle, and make merry.

But beware! [breathes shakily]
Death st*lks these corridors

and one of you will not
live to see the dawn.

[screams]

[inhaling sharply, screams]

[chuckles] That was awesome.

- [chuckles]
- Yeah, we don't f*ck around, man.

- [rain pattering]
- [thunder rumbling]

- [piano playing]
- Ladies.

Oh, thank you. So, who
do you think it is?

Mmm. Not a lot of
clues to go on yet.

Mmm. If my true crime podcasts
have taught me anything,

the k*ller's probably a man.

Ooh, you wanna form an
alliance? Improve our chances?

I don't know. How do I know
you're not the villain?

I swear I'm not.

Swear on the dog.

[gasps] I swear on Butter's
life I am not the villain.

- Okay.
- And I know you're not.

What do you mean? I could be.

- Rache, you don't have a poker face.
- [scoffs]

Remember when that barista
said she liked your hair,

and you came home all sweaty
and babbling about pre-cheating?

- Misses.
- Oh. Thank you.

- She touched my hand.
- [David] ♪ I get no kick from champagne ♪

[Dana] So do you think that
helps you or hurts you?

♪ Mere alcohol doesn't
thrill me at all ♪

♪ So tell me why
should it be true ♪

♪ That I get a kick out of you ♪

Interesting song choice.

Ah, who doesn't
love Cole Porter?

Anyone under the age of 84.

But you know who he is, right?

I gotta say, David, this
whole look is working for you.

It's giving French Riviera.

- Oh, thanks, Carol.
- I'm almost attracted to you.

Thanks, I think.

You know, you seem
pretty relaxed,

considering one of us
is about to be m*rder*d.

Well, you know, Carol, I'm just,
uh… I'm a good time, you know?

I'm just trying to have a good time. I
mean, I shine at parties. You'll see.

Hmm. This is you shining?

Interesting.

Tell me, David, when did
you learn to play the piano?

It's suspicious to play
the piano now? Oh, come on.

You know what? I
need another drink.

[scoffs] Fun Dave's coming out.
You'll see. You'll all see.

- Sir?
- Thank you, Jo.

- Thank you, Jo.
- [Rachel] It was really nice.

- Storm's a brewing, huh?
- [chuckles]

[Ian] Ever hear that joke?
I just thought of it.

Oh, never. Never
once. [chuckles]

Oh. Hey, if you're looking for
Poppy, she just went to the kitchen.

- Oh.
- Said she wanted more pigs in a blanket.

Oh. [chuckles] Then
she came up to me,

and she told me that later tonight
she wants my pig with no blanket.

- [chuckles]
- Mmm.

Dude, she's really
funny. [chuckles]

- You find her funny, huh?
- I do.

Fascinating.

Uh, no, I just figured
we'd rap, you know?

[stutters] I get a chance to talk
to my partner's new boyfriend.

[inhales sharply] Mmm.

I don't really know about
the whole boyfriend thing.

I'm not really into all
the labels, you know?

Oh. Yeah, no. I don't… I
don't do labels either.

But, uh… Well, if you were gonna call
it something, what would that be?

Oh… [sighs] …gosh. Um, I don't
know. Just a bit of fun, really.

- Mmm.
- A fling.

Yeah. But don't… don't
tell her I said that, okay?

I don't want her to get upset.
I don't wanna hurt her feelings.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, so bro code, huh?

- Bro code.
- Okay. Nice.

Oh, by the way,
love the glasses.

Yeah.

[sighs]

[thunder rumbling]

Oh. [chuckles] There you are.

Well, well, well. Look
who's come to k*ll me.

Just a sec. I'm nearly
finished with this tray.

No, I wasn't coming to k*ll you.
Actually, I wanted to talk about Storm.

Isn't he the greatest?

Best boyfriend I've ever had.

Well, only boyfriend I've
ever had, but still, the best.

And those abs. I mean, come
on. I love them. [chuckles]

- Yeah, I'm-I'm sure his abs are great.
- No, no.

I think I love him.

And not just for his abs.
Although the abs don't hurt.

Mama like-y. [chuckles]

Oh, sh*t. Pop… [stammers]

[Carol screams]

[thunder rumbling]

Oh, my God.

Is he…

- Yes.
- [guests exclaim]

Brad is the villain's first victim
and I helped stage his death.

- [Storm chuckles] Nice.
- [chuckles]

This sucks.

- [thunder rumbles]
- [guests exclaim]

Can't believe I'm the
first one k*lled. Typical.

Let it be known that
the villain is a coward…

- [Storm] Hmm.
- …and totally obvious, by the way.

Nice touch, Jo. Way to
add some production value.

- [chuckles]
- I almost had a damn heart attack.

Nobody said there'd
be fake blood.

- You gotta trigger warn a b*tch.
- [Storm] Mmm.

A little frisson of horror,
compliments of our host.

Oh, yeah? Who is that?

You will meet them in due
time. Now, if you'll all head

- to the sitting room for delibera...
- [chuckling] Oh, no. Josephine,

who invited us here?

[normal voice] I… I-I can't
tell you 'cause I don't know.

- [guests murmuring]
- What?

I received all my
instructions by letter.

I thought I'd be meeting
our host when I got here,

- just like the rest of you.
- What do you mean?

I received all my
instructions by letter.

I thought I was gonna meet
our host when I got here…

- [clamoring]
- …just like the rest of you.

[thunder rumbling]

[British accent] Day has dawned,

but not everyone has
risen with the sun.

- Brad is dead.
- Who cares about the stupid game!

I wanna go home.

Carol, the boat doesn't come
back until 11:00, remember?

[scoffs] Great. So until then, I'm
trapped in this house with a psycho.

I assure you, there's…
there's no one else here.

I'm talking about you.

Look, it's obvious. There
is no mysterious host.

Whoever planned this party
would wanna watch it unfold.

It's got to be one of us.

My money's on Brad.

- He loves weird mind games.
- Right, yeah.

I spent a ton of money to throw a party
where I die first and sit in a corner?

Screw this. I'm getting drunk.

Brad brings up a good
point though, actually.

Whoever the host is probably
made themselves the villain

so they'd have more
control over the game.

Which means the best way to figure out
who invited us here is to keep playing.

- [chuckles]
- No.

You seem to know an awful lot about
it, Rachel. Maybe you're the host.

She couldn't afford it.

Whoever threw this party
has a lot of money.

If the host is rich, then that
rules out me, Rachel, Jo, and…

- Carol, you rich?
- [chuckles]

Girl, I'm going through
a divorce with two kids,

and an ex-husband in pastry
school. What do you think?

And what about you, Storm?

Are you secretly rich
and just lying about it?

[stutters] Are you
accusing me of something?

Are you hiding something?

You caught me.

Yes, I am incredibly rich.

- Hmm.
- Spiritually speaking, of course.

- Oh, God. Who says things like that?
- [chuckles]

You do.

Okay. Anyway. That
leaves Poppy, Ian, and…

[ice clinking]

…David.

Let's have a drink, shall
we? Vermouth c*ck anyone?

David's the host.

- [guests clamoring]
- Me?

Think about it. He's been
so thirsty to impress us.

- Singing out-of-date songs…
- Mm-hmm.

…serving out-of-date drinks.

Okay, first off, they're not out-of-date.
They're evergreen. Classics, okay?

And the second is that
I've read an article

about how vermouth is making a comeback.
I… I don't set the trends, Carol.

Nobody is corny enough to
plan this party besides David.

- [guests clamoring]
- Wow. Okay.

And you were saying
how cool it would be

to dress up like that
old actress, Cary Grant.

- Cary Grant's a man. Learn your history.
- He has been saying

that we should do a
games night for ages.

- [gasps]
- Okay. Plus,

when we were over by the piano, he
was making threatening comments,

talking about, "You'll all pay."

- [Rachel gasps]
- I said see, okay?

You'll all see Fun Dave,
which-which-which you're seeing. I'm fun.

Shall we put it to a vote?

All those who think David
is the host/villain.

Oh, come on. Preposterous!
Come on. You thi…

You think I'd do all this? Do
you think I'm that pathetic?

- Those who think David is that pathet...
- That was a rhetorical question!

David, by order of the innocents,
you have been eliminated.

Please reveal your card.

Fine. You wanna see my
card? Here's my card.

- I'm innocent.
- Whoa.

- [guests clamoring]
- Really?

You did me wrong. You k*lled
Fun Dave. Hope you're happy.

Fun's over. You'll pay.

Yeah. You'll all pay. See, I
just did it. I just did it then.

Didn't do it the other
times. I did it then.

[Jo] You have failed to unmask the
villain and now two of your own lie slain…

[ominous music playing]

- …as night falls once more.
- All right.

[thunder rumbling]

Having crystal bowls of candy
just out is such a flex.

- I feel like I'm in the White House.
- [Dana] Totally.

This is living, right, Ian?

He is all over her like
a g*dd*mn facehugger.

[both chuckling, chattering]

[Ian] I gotta get her alone.

Why do you wanna
get Poppy alone?

Not to k*ll her, just to talk
to her. She may be in danger.

Yeah. Right.

Not from me, from Storm.

Follow along with the… There
is a subplot to the plot.

Okay.

You know what? I don't need
to explain myself to you.

Good evening, ladies.

Told you, it's always a dude.

[Dana] Mm-hmm.

Brought you a drink. I figured
we could start a dead kids club.

Did you put something in this?

No. I'm just looking to
have a good time tonight.

And dying first sucks.

[scoffs] Totally.

Tonight was supposed to be my
coming out party, you know?

- Mm-hmm. Mmm.
- The emancipation of Fun Dave.

Yeah, I read an article about how men
in their 40s struggle to find friends.

Lowers their life expectancy.

Hmm. You read a lot of articles.

There's not much else to do.

I mean, you don't know what
it's like being alone, man.

Or maybe you do.

I don't know. Are you single,
or married with three kids?

- I-I know nothing about you.
- And you never will.

But, hey, you got
a friend tonight.

Question.

Does Fun Dave smoke cigars?

Why not? We're already dead.

- That's it. That's the attitude.
- [laughs]

[Carol] Okay, what we got here?

[shutter clicks]

Château du… No. Okay.
What can your girl get?

- [shutter clicks]
- Okay.

[scoffs] 275? You
coming home with me.

- [chuckles]
- [object clatters]

[footsteps approaching]

No!

She doesn't look dead.

I've been poisoned.

- [guests murmuring]
- [Storm] Okay.

She wouldn't let me stage
a more grizzly death.

I told you I'm not
getting blood in this wig.

And then there were five.

Please repair to the dining room
for dinner and deliberations.

- Do you need a hand with this?
- Very kind of you, sir.

My pleasure.

- Aw, isn't my boyfriend the sweetest?
- [Rachel] Mmm.

Later I'll get him
to show you his abs.

[chuckles] There's so many.
He's got like a-a 12-pack.

We-We call that a
slab in Australia.

Hey, uh, Pop. Can you
hang back a second?

Why? So you can m*rder me
like you m*rder*d Carol?

What? That's not even
the way the game works.

No. Look, Storm is leading
you on in your relationship.

He told me he was
just having a fling.

Oh, my God. [gasps]
You are pathetic.

- What?
- You can't find any dirt on my boyfriend,

so now you're just
making some up?

- No, Pop, I'm serious. [stammers]
- Storm is not leading me on.

He worships me.

And this whole, "are you good enough to
date my daughter" thing is getting old.

Sister.

Sister.

Stay out of my business.

- Oh, really? [giggles]
- [Storm chuckles]

- [Jo sighs]
- I'm serious.

[Ian clears throat]

Oh. [clears throat] Hey, uh,
what's up, brother? [chuckles]

I'm not your brother, bro.

[guests exclaiming]

Yoo-hoo. Games wench. More wine.

Mmm. Yeah, I'm dying for a refill
too. In fact, I'm already dead.

- [exclaims] Good one.
- [exclaims] I'm fun, right? [chuckles]

- [Brad] Fun Dave needs another drink.
- That's good.

[groans] You guys
stink of cigar smoke.

Hmm. Really? [sniffs]

'Cause all I can smell is your
perfume and it is intoxicating.

- [laughs] It's soap. Stop.
- [sniffing] Oh, my God.

Yeah. Uh, can we get
the game moving, please?

I'll kick things off by saying
Ian is acting real sus over there.

- Seconded.
- Mmm. Yes.

Yeah, he keeps trying to get
Poppy alone so you can m*rder her.

That's not even how the game is played.
Did anybody listen to the rules?

Ian is for sure the villain.

He's also the host, by the way.

He threw this whole party just so
that he could creep on my boyfriend.

- [guests clamoring]
- That makes sense.

What? That's not true.

- Ian.
- And even if it were,

you should be thanking me because
Storm is not such a great dude.

- I mean, he uses phrases like bro code.
- [mouthing] What?

Can you imagine me saying
something like that?

- [both] Yeah.
- Yes, definitely.

Okay. Well, don't change the subject.
The point is, I saw him flirting with Jo.

- [gasps]
- [Brad] Ooh.

- No. Nah.
- Nice, Jo.

I'm sorry, Poppy.

I didn't want to bring it
up in this environment,

but I guess I'm
spilling the coffee.

Tea!

- It's tea.
- It is tea.

Is that true?

Y-Yes. Yes.

It was just some harmless flirting,
really. [chuckles] I don't…

[exhales sharply]

[stammers]

- I can't believe you would do this to me.
- I...

- [sighing]
- I… I can't believe…

- it worked. [laughs]
- [laughs]

And the award…

for Most Gullible Idiot
Ever Tricked By Me goes to…

- [gasps] Ian Grimm.
- [gasps]

- For the role of Massive Chump goes to…
- [chuckles]

What-What-What is happening?

We pranked you, sucker.

As soon as I got
that invitation,

I knew you were gonna
try to get dirt on Storm,

so we cooked some up.

[sighs] Yeah, man. I'm sorry.
It was just too good to pass up

and when she has a good idea,
I just try to roll with it.

- [Poppy giggles]
- [Brad] Mmm.

Why? Why would you do that?

To teach you a lesson about
prying into my personal business

and you fell for it.

- So Ian's the host and the villain…
- Mmm.

…and super clingy
and super rich.

All those for Ian.

Ian, by order of the innocents,
you have been eliminated.

Please reveal your card.

You're all so smart, huh?

Okay, I'll reveal my card.

- Innocent.
- [guests exclaiming]

- [Ian] Suckers.
- [card thuds]

The only thing I'm guilty of
is looking out for my partner.

[exhales sharply]

If it's not Ian, then
who's k*lling us?

- [thunder rumbles]
- [guests scream]

[normal voice] Remain calm.

[British accent] I'll go outside
and turn on the generator.

No, no, I'll-I'll
go, I'll do it.

Storm's a brewing anyway, right?

- Everybody's made that jo...
- [Poppy laughs]

- Well, it's not as funny when I do it.
- [Ian] Jesus Christ, man.

- [Poppy] I thought it was funny, honey.
- [Brad] Everybody grab a candle,

- but be careful not to drop them.
- [drawer opens]

This place could go
up like a tinderbox.

[thunder rumbling]

Hey.

Oh, I was just brooding. [sighs]

Yeah, I can see that.

Listen… [stammers] …I'm sorry
if-if-if I was a bit much back there.

I've-I've just never successfully
pulled off a prank before.

Yeah. That… That tracks.

And Storm, he… I mean,
don't-don't hold it against him.

I-I made him do that. It's not really
his… his usual style. [chuckles]

Look, I hate to admit it, but… [sighs]
…it actually makes me like him more.

You deserve somebody that can
help you bring your ideas to life

no matter how…

crazy or petty or cruel

- or not really funny or just, like, mean.
- I w… I wanna say thank you?

- It doesn't feel like...
- You're welcome.

- Okay.
- You're welcome.

I mean, look, I…

Maybe I crossed a little
bit of a personal boundary.

Something that we've discussed…

- Uh-huh.
- …been discussing...

- But you learned your lesson.
- I've learned my lesson.

He's a good guy and
you have my blessing.

Oh. Yuck. No, I don't…
I don't want that.

- It is bestowed upon you, my lady.
- No, thank you. [chuckles]

- You have... [chuckles]
- Sir, I don't want it. [chuckles]

- Ah, will you accept it?
- No.

Ian, it's not that serious. We
really are just having a fling.

That part was true.

The lie is me pretending
I didn't know about it.

Oh.

Yeah, Storm is about to go
work in the Netherlands…

- Uh.
- …for, like, five months.

- So we're-we're just having fun…
- Oh.

- …before-before-before he leaves.
- Oh! Just banging.

- Yeah, we're just banging. [chuckles]
- Having a good time. That's cool.

A really good time.

- That's great.
- Yeah, it's fun. It's good.

[David, Brad
laughing, exclaiming]

Vermouth fight!

[laughing, exclaiming continues]

You didn't get me!

[pounds on door]

Who is that?

[sighs] Thank God.

[exclaiming]

Damn. You sold the
hell out of that.

- Thanks.
- [laughing, cheering]

This is the final deliberation.

Only three players remain.
Two innocents and one villain.

If the innocents choose incorrectly,
the villain will triumph.

Duh. It's obviously Poppy.
Now, where we at with dessert?

Why would I m*rder Storm?

To throw everyone off your scent
because you smell. [chuckles]

- Ooh, good one.
- Thanks. [chuckles]

- [glasses clink]
- [Jo] The dead cannot participate.

[Dana] All those in favor
of eliminating Poppy?

- Why would it be me?
- You've been acting real sus.

[Poppy] I think that I
should have the chance

- to defend myself.
- [Dana] Okay.

Everybody else got to do a
speech-y thing or something…

- [Dana] Go ahead, sis.
- …about why they...

- Well, I... [stammers]
- The floor is yours.

- Why are you the one that gets to...
- You know what? Rache?

Rache?

Let us review the
facts of the case.

[guests groaning]

We came here for a simple
games night or so it seemed.

Summoned at the behest
of a mysterious host

for a night of drinks,
frivolity and m*rder.

All night we've been asking who.

Who is the host?
Who is the villain?

But perhaps the question
we should be asking is…

- why.
- Remember the boat leaves at 11:00.

Why throw a party
at a fancy house

for a bunch of your coworkers
and one of their boyfriends?

- [mutters]
- [Rachel] Perhaps…

you wanted to vet your
old partner's new partner.

So you paid Jo to throw you a
trap, dressed up like a party.

Or maybe you wanted to
teach a meddling friend

to mind their own business.

The chance to dish out humiliation
was worth its weight in cash.

Or perhaps it was simply
a desperate attempt

to make people think
that you're fun.

I-I am fun.

[Rachel] Except your idea of
fun is stuck in the 1940s.

Or maybe it was a chance
to get rid of a house

that's been a drain
on your finances.

Hold on. This is your house?

No, I have no idea what
she's talking about.

Really?

Then how do you know where
they keep the candles, Brad?

[gasps]

[Rachel] You were hoping to
collect the insurance money

once the house accidentally burned
down and a party is the perfect cover.

You toss around a
little vermouth,

ply David with drinks and cigars
until he passes out. Et voilà.

Wait, so you didn't want
a friend? You wanted...

- An arsonist.
- [Poppy] I'm sorry.

Are we just gonna breeze past
the fact that Brad lives here?

Oh, I don't. No, this is
just one of my properties.

I mostly rent it out to visiting
oligarchs and porno shoots.

But she's right. It's
a total money suck.

Ironically, they filmed a
movie here called Money Suck.

- [Storm] Wow.
- [Carol] Boy, what?

Four motives. Each as
plausible as the next.

But which one was it?

Get to the point,
Cumberbatch. Carol wants flan.

It was all of them.

[gasps]

All four paid Jo to throw
them the perfect party.

Each oblivious that
the other had paid.

Each oblivious that the
party Jo was throwing

wasn't for them at all.

Who was it for?

A m*rder mystery party

with cool costumes in
a spooky, old mansion

where I get to deliver the
Poirot denouement monologue

in front of our
old testing couch?

A ratty old couch still filled
with ice cream sandwich wrappers

that somebody bothered to
ship to this fancy-a*s house.

This party is for me.

And there's only one person
who knows me well enough

to have nailed my dream party.

One person clever enough to have
made other people pay for it.

One person with an
assistant adept enough

- to pull it all together.
- [chuckles]

Our host and villain

is none other than society
beauty Miss Dana Bryant.

I knew it.

[normal voice] No, you did not.

[scoffs]

I guess you figured it out.

[British accent] Dana,
please reveal your card.

What is that?

- [inhales shakily]
- [exclaiming]

["My Love Mine
All Mine" playing]

[exhales shakily]

- [Rachel gasps]
- [chuckles]

[guests exclaiming, gasping]

Rachel Meyee.

- Oh, my God. [breathes shakily]
- [chuckles]

I fell in love with you
the first time I sat down

- on that ratty old couch. [chuckles]
- [laughs]

And now, I do not want to
play games with anyone else.

Will you marry me? [chuckles]

- Yeah. Yeah. Yes. [giggles]
- Yes? [giggles]

[guests cheering, clamoring]

[Rachel] Oh, my God!

- [David] Yeah!
- Bravo!

- [both laughing]
- That is so sweet.

[both cheer, laugh]

- [piano playing]
- [giggles] Fiancée.

- Fiancée. Ooh. [chuckles]
- Ooh.

I can't believe you were the
villain. You swore on the dog.

I told him I would.

- I bought his silence with a beef stick.
- [Rachel] Hmm.

[normal voice] Is this too early
to ask to be your wedding planner?

- Yes.
- Yeah, a bit.

Okay. Well, congratulations.

- Thank you. [giggles]
- Thank you.

- [piano playing]
- [Brad sighs]

Hey, David. I'm sorry I, uh...

Yeah, save it. Regular David
can be mad at you Monday,

but Fun Dave is too
lit to care. [chuckles]

Nice. I like Fun Dave. He's
got a real anything-goes vibe.

Oh.

♪ Let's misbehave ♪

- Cole Porter.
- [chuckles]

Yes. [laughs]

You know, I actually think you'd
look pretty good in these glasses.

- What, yours?
- Yeah. Give it a shot.

Okay, I'll put them on. I don't
know. You look pretty good though,

- it's gonna be hard to beat. Huh?
- Oh, come on. Look, that's exact…

- That is so masculine and feminine…
- Wow.

- …at the same time. Let me just take…
- Really?

- Thank you.
- Oh, God. No, don't be friends.

Honey, sour worms are a
poor substitute for flan.

Yeah. Also heads-up,
they taste off.

Hmm?

Seem fine to me.

Huh? Weird. Never met a
sour worm I didn't like.

Maybe my taste
buds are maturing.

- [chuckles]
- [chuckles] That or you're pregnant.

- [chuckles]
- [laughing]

[breathes heavily, chuckles]

[exhales shakily]