03x05 - Baby Mama Drama/Ballet Boys

[bunniefuu]

♪ Watch out, 'cause here we come ♪

♪ It's been a while,
but we're back with style ♪

♪ So get set to have some fun ♪

♪ We'll bring you action
and satisfaction ♪

♪ We're the Chipmunks ♪

♪ Alvin, Simon, Theodore ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

[Miss Smith] Parenting,
caring for and raising children

is the most important
and most vital part of human society.

And, it is the most difficult
part of human society.

So, for Parent Appreciation Week,

you are all going to experience

what it is like to care for a child.

[shouting]
Children need to feel safe!

Feel cared for
and above all... loved!

Is that clear?

So that is what I expect

from each and everyone one of you.

Meet the world's
most advanced infant simulator.

[joyful babbles]

Some of you may get
a happy baby.

Some of you may get
a fussy baby.

But it's your job to look after it!

Regardless!

Now, I'm going to pair you up

and you and your partner
will work together

to take care of the baby.

Hmmm, let's see...

Please not Brittany.

Oh, please not Alvin.

Alvin and Brittany, you're a pair.

-[Alvin] What?
-[Brittany] Why?

No! Miss Smith, of all...

Quiet!
Listen up!

These dolls are very expensive

so make sure you bring
them back in one piece!

They're due on Friday morning.

Until then... happy parenting.

[Alvin] Okay, okay, guys, look,

this is going to be a piece of cake!

If it whines, you put
a bottle in its mouth.

If it's wet, get somebody
to change it. Bam! Parenting.

I think there's a little more
to it than that, Alvin.

Taking care of a baby
is really hard work.

Dave, building the Pyramids
was hard work.

This is watching a rubber doll
with a computer in its back.

I think I got this.

Did you guys name
your baby yet?

We're calling ours Salvadore.

And this little sweetie
is named Galaxina.

You know, for like the galaxies.

-[Brittany] Ew.
-[Alvin] Nerd alert!

Oh yeah?
Well, if you guys are so cool,

what did you name your baby?

Slammer!

Uh, what? No!

Its name is Cuddle Bug!

Cuddle Bug?

Just put a "Kick Me" sticker
on its back!

[Simon] Okay, I'm out of here.

[Eleanor] Yeah, okay, bye.

[Theodore] Bye.

Seriously, Alvin,

you think Slammer is
an appropriate name for a baby?

Brittany, we can't even agree on a name.

How are we going
to parent a doll?

You're right. It's silly
for both of us to watch Cuddle Bug.

Why don't you take him
for the next hours?

And then I'll take him.

You are on!

[crying]

Oh, if it isn't mother of the year.

You were supposed to be here at 4:00!

It's 4:01. Take a chill pill.

Well, I don't need to, Brittany,

because it's your turn now!
Catch!

[gasp]
Well, will you look at that?

Cuddle Bug just doesn't like you.

I don't blame you
one "widdle" bit. Bye-bye.

Okay, so, Cuddle Bug,

I have a dance
that I'm going to tomorrow and...

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]
I can't take it anymore!

[doorbell]

Hi, hi, Miss Croner.

Uh, I was wondering
if you could watch Cuddle Bug

for a few hours?

In exchange for me
taking care of your cats

for a week, or for a month,
or, or longer?

-Well, I'm not...
-Okay, bye! Thanks.

[babbles]

[Eleanor] Hi!

Galaxina, Galaxina?
Would you like more? More?

Oh, Simon?
Was that sign language?

Yes, Dave.
And she's picking it up very quickly.

Yeah, and we're also teaching her some,

you know, basic geometry.

Nothing crazy.

Eleanor, did you make your baby's outfit?

Yeah, I did!

I made a few outfits,
and Theodore took some pictures.

-Oh, want to see them?
-[all] No!

Alvin, Brittany,
how about your baby?

Is it as easy as you thought?

-[Alvin] Pretty much.
-[Jeanette] Uh, where is he now?

-[Alvin] Brittany?
-Oh, uh, yeah, he, um...

He's in his playpen,
playing with his blocks.

Because he's, uh,
he's very independent.

-Wow!
-Brit, between us, where is he?

What did you do?

I loved him, Alvin.

And I gave him the confidence
that he needed

to amuse himself for a few hours.

Is that so hard to believe?

-[doorbell]
-I'll get it!

-[Miss Croner] Ah!
-[pain grunt]

[baby crying]

[forced laugh]
Oh my gosh, how smart is he?

He... he went to visit Miss Croner.

[baby crying]

Okay, see, Cuddle Bug, see in there?

All the other parents
get to relax and watch TV

because their babies are sleeping!

But we have to stand outside

because you are making too much noise!

Oh! Wait a minute, Alvin.

Miss Smith said there are
happy babies and fussy babies!

We got a bad baby!

Yeah, a bad baby!
So, what if we...

-Swap babies!
-Exactly.

[screams]

-[crying through the monitor]
-Jeanette! Galaxina is crying!

-[Alvin] Shhh. Shhh.
-[Brittany] Where's her binky?

[footsteps]

[gasp]
Brittany, get out!

[crying]

-That's Cuddle Bug.
-No. No. I don't think so...

Brittany! Brittany!
Bring back our baby!

Oh. Oh, uh...

-This baby?
-Uh huh.

I, I just wanted
to spend some time with...

No!

[screams and cries]

Simon, please! Please!
You guys are such natural parents.

You're so good with kids!

And besides, you're related,
you're Slammer's Uncle!

Look, see? He's almost...
he's like, leaning toward you.

Come on! The poor little kid.

You wouldn't say no to him?

Alvin, we're already
exhausted with Galaxina!

I'm not taking care of your baby!

Hey!
What are you doing?

Simon, I'm a very desperate
father here, okay?

So I'm messing with his control panel

just trying to shut him up
any way I can!

Brittany, come on!
You're its mother! Say something!

Yeah, you're right.

Alvin! Pull the blue wire!

I... I wouldn't do that.

[struggling]
Okay, come on!

Alvin, Alvin, this is a mistake, you...

[baby shutting down]

[Brittany] Yes! You did it!

[yawn]

Oh, glorious silence!

[yawn]
Good night.

[snoring]

[robotic babbles]

[suspenseful music]

[loud fall]

[yell]

-[robotic babbles]
-[Alvin] Hey!

[raccoons chittering]

Don't worry, Slammer,
papa's coming for you!

[broken mechanical babbles]

Simon, Simon, can you fix it?

I surely won't have it done
in time for school tomorrow.

[gasp]
I have an idea.

♪ Chu ah chu ah ♪

♪ Chu ah chu ah ah ah ♪

♪ You are mine ♪

♪ And you'll be till the end of time ♪

♪ There's a love that's so genuine ♪

♪ I'll never let you go oh oh ♪

♪ In my heart ♪

♪ There's a place for you ♪

♪ When we're apart ♪

♪ No one else will do ♪

♪ It's in the cards ♪

♪ So I thought
you should know oh oh ♪

♪ That I'll always be here ♪

♪ To hold you near ♪

♪ You're my darling ♪

♪ You're my sweet as sugar pie ♪

♪ You own my heart ♪

♪ and everything else
that's mine too ♪

♪ Don't depart 'cause
I don't even know what I'd do ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh ♪

[Alvin] Simon, tell me you were able
to save little Slammer!

Hey, Cuddle Bug looks great!

You know how sick
that names makes me, right?

I do.
So Simon, what's the diagnosis?

Well, you know, he's not perfect.

And you can't get him wet
no matter what!

Today, we're going to learn
how to properly bathe a baby!

[Brittany] Um, uh, Miss Smith,

uh, we washed our little bundle
of joy just this morning.

Yes, yes, so, you know,

he doesn't really need
another bath.

Wash the kid or fail the class.

[moaning]

[electricity crackling]

Okay, alright, Slammer,
that's enough now.

I know, I know.
You don't like to get wet,

but Miss Smith was very insistent.

[mechanical noises]

[suspenseful music]

Okay, uh, your baby
is totally freaking out.

[robotic babbles]

Oh, well, hello there, little...

Whoa! Uh!

[gasp]
Whoa, Slammer!

That... that is not cool!

[robotic growl]

[Derek laughs]
He thinks he's a tough guy!

[yells]
He's on me! Get him off!

[robotic grunts]

Calm down!

[Cheesy] Step aside, ladies, I got this.

Ow, ow, he's in my hair!
Ow! Stop! Stop! Get him off!

He's in my hair!

[terrified yells]

Get him away from me!

[heroic music]

[Brittany] You want to do this?
Let's do this!

[robotic growls]

I got it! I got it!

[baby shutting down]

[relieved sigh]

[Miss Smith]
Okay, so as you can see,

parenting is not an exact science.

Wait! Looks like this doll
had its wires crossed.

That's what we should have done.
This was exhausting!

Alvin! Did you mess with the wires?

Yes, yes, but this was
a fussy baby, Miss Smith!

We got a bad baby!

Brittany, did you know about this?

Well... Well yes.
But we'll pay for the damage.

Oh, I know! This is not
coming out of my salary!

Give me the doll.
Give me the doll, Alvin!

No! No! Only if you promise
we never have to do this again!

Promise me!

No. I'm not going to promise.

-Now, give me the doll!
-No!

[Miss Smith] Alvin!

[out of breath]

Get them, Seville!

Come on!

[out of breath]

See that net over there?
That's called the goal.

The whole idea is to kick
the ball into the net.

Giving it to the other team

may seem a polite thing to do...

But it's not!

Sorry, coach. I don't know
what's wrong with me today.

I... I had one
of those protein bars earlier,

er... but I don't think
it's agreeing with me.

Come on, protein bars?
Is that what we're calling

candy bars today?
That's hila...

That's probably what it was.

It was the protein bar,
now that I'm thinking about it.

Alvin, your conditioning and nutrition

have gotten way out of hand.

It's starting to affect your play.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

Good. The school's making
an effort to culturalize you guys.

Yes, Simon, I'm aware that's not a word.

Anyway, this afternoon,
the whole team will be watching

a run through
of Miss Emma's ballet class,

as they perform Swan Lake.

-[groans]
-What?

You will be there

and you will behave like gentlemen!

I can't believe we're here.
This is the dumbest thing!

You can't force culture
on a bunch of soccer players!

You know, we're bruisers, we're warriors,

we're used to being outside,

sweating on the soccer field!

But we don't sweat enough
to shower, no?

Would you know that
I haven't showered for a week?

Yeah, we know.

Thank you all for being here

for the run through performance
of Swan Lake.

Like we had a choice.

It's good to see the soccer team here.

I'm sure you'll appreciate
the difficulty and athleticism

needed to perform a ballet such as this.

Oh, please!

Alvin, do you have
something to say?

Who? No. Me?
Oh, no, no.

I've had envelopes that are harder
to open than what they do.

[Theodore laughs]

Oh, whoa! It... it almost
came out of my nose!

Okay, are you boys finished?

Then, let's get started, shall we?

[music from Swan Lake]

Seriously? You think this is hard?

Come on, it's...

You just flap your arms around,
like a little swan!

Anyone can do ballet!

-[pain grunt]
-[laughs]

Okay, okay, I meant to do that.

You know, that's a dying swan.

Okay, that's it!
You think this is easy, Alvin?

You don't have a clue about ballet!

Oh, oh, I don't have a clue.

Well, what do you call this?

Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!

Uh-oh. Theodore!
Swallow, swallow!

I'd like to see you last one day,

one day in ballet class!

Oh, Brittany, please.
So, I can learn how to do this?

-Oh!
-[laughs]

[spit]

Theodore!

You! You! And you!
Get up here right now!

Hello? Does anyone care if I'm okay?

Alvin, are you okay?
Oh, that must have hurt.

No, thanks, thanks, no, I'm fine.

[coach] Miss Emma,
on behalf of the entire soccer team,

I would like to apologize
for the blatant disrespect

these boys displayed
during your performance this afternoon.

They certainly know better.

Boys, do you have something
you'd like to say?

Right about now?

Ah, we're... we're so sorry,
Miss Emma.

Come on coach,
you know, we're athletes.

This is nothing like what we do.

Alvin!

[Brittany] Uh, Alvin, you really believe
you can learn how to do this?

Of course I can, Brittany.
And you know why? It's easy!

[Miss Emma] Wait a minute, everyone.

I think I may have an idea.

You know, coach, ballet's being
used in professional sports

more and more these days.

I do not like where this is going.

They use it to lengthen
and build muscle,

prevent injury,
increase balance and flexibility

and even increase endurance.

Hum...

Coach! Coach!
Don't listen to her!

I love this idea!

You boys will take Miss Emma's
ballet class starting tomorrow

for the next two weeks!

Oh, guys. I, I was kidding, okay?

It is hard! No, it's amazing!

It's... it's beyond what we can do!

Oh! You mean,
we get to learn how to do ballet?

Do not be late!

Do not disrespect!

And do your very best!

Or so help me, you will have
the wrath of Coach Dopkins

rain down on your heads!

Do I make myself clear?

Yes.

-[laughs]
-Hello, okay?

There's nothing for you to see here.

Theodore?
What are you doing?

We don't have to wear that!

Do we?
Eleanor, do we have to wear that?

[giggle]
No, you don't,

but it looks pretty awesome
on you, Theodore.

Thank goodness.
Theodore, get that thing off.

Get, uh, come on, get it off!

Seriously, get it off.

But... Eleanor said it looked awesome.

Theodore, please!

Yeah, okay.

[Miss Emma] Good afternoon.
It looks like we have an audience today.

Let's get right to it.

First position.

Feet out... Ah! There you go.

And hips back, chin up... Almost...

Shoulders back...
Chin up... Chest out...

Ow. That, no! Nope!

Okay, you know, no,
my back does not bend that way.

Ow! No, it doesn't!
No, nope! Aw! No!

Now, holding on to the barre,

gently drop your hips
into a grand plié.

Not that!
I don't even like an ordinary plié!

You don't even know what that is.

I know enough and I hate it!

Pliés build your quadriceps muscles.

They go like this.

Remember, keep your back straight,
hips aligned...

Ugh, okay, sure.
Here... here we go.

That's surprising.

Maybe Alvin doesn't have any leg muscles.

Oh, that's so hilarious.
[forced laugh]

Brit, get here and help me.

[laughs]

[struggle grunt]

[struggle grunt]

Okay, open... your... hips!

No! No.

Open 'em up.

-[struggle grunt]
-Open!

No. No.
I like my hips closed.

[struggle grunt]

Alvin, what are you doing?
You're gonna be late!

[moan]
I can't move.

I... I... I have pain in places
I didn't know I had.

You have soccer practice today.

Soccer? I don't even think I can walk!

Hey... Wait, wait a minute.
How come you guys aren't sore?

Well, perhaps it has something to do

with my morning yoga routine.

[peaceful music]

Yeah. And I have
my own stretching routine too.

Ugh! Get that cookie...

What am I gonna do?

I've got an idea.
I'll be right back.

Dave puts this on when he gets
stiff after playing tennis.

That smells terrible!

I don't care what it smells like.
I'm in pain here!

Put it on, Simon!
Just put it on!

Oh, that, that's great.
Oh, that's so, so...

Hot! Hot! That is really hot!

Hmmm... Spicy hot or hot hot?

Just hot, Theodore!
Okay? Hot!

Hold still!

No! No, get away from me
with that stuff!

Alvin, I only did one leg.
You'll be lopsided.

I don't care.
I don't ca... It's burning!

[school bell ringing]

[pain grunts]

-What's the matter with you, Alvin?
-Nothing.

Ew. You stink so bad.

Oh yeah? Well... you...
you are... your, um...

Way to tell her off, Alvin.

Oh, fine, just kick me while I'm down.

I'm dealing with a lot here, okay?

Hmmm... It could be that ballet

might be a little too intense for Alvin.

Huh? Are you kid...
Ballet? Too intense for me?

Oh, come on! My body
is a finely tuned instrument.

I mean, if I can handle
a grueling season of soccer,

up and down the field,
up and down the field,

I can certainly handle... ballet.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Simon? Theodore?

And, and just so you know,

all the elite athletes
go up the stairs

like this these days.
It's called team work!

Good job, Theodore.
Nice, nice, Simon.

♪ You wanna know ♪

♪ What I'm feeling? ♪

♪ You wanna know ♪

♪ No oh oh ♪

♪ I don't need to prove
to you I'm brave ♪

♪ Or fall upon my sword
each everyday ♪

♪ The consequence
of climbing a mountain ♪

♪ Is finding your own way ♪

♪ The consequence
of pushing the limits ♪

♪ You don't get to play it safe ♪

♪ I'm feeling my way
now through the dark ♪

♪ I'm a silent warrior at heart ♪

♪ Heartbeats beating out ♪

♪ A battle cry battle cry ♪

♪ I've got my spirits up ♪

♪ Know I'm never giving up ♪

♪ Heartbeats beating
at the speed of light ♪

♪ Speed of light ♪

♪ No I'm not giving in ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a champion ♪

Well, are you saying this

is what I've been putting into my body?

Wait, wait, hold...
Pizza is not a vegetable?

No, it isn't.
Never has been.

[music from Swan Lake]

Did you guys see that?
Eleanor nailed that grand écart!

That wasn't a grand écart.
It was a grand jeté.

You're crazy.

I know a grand écart
when I see one.

[laughs]

[Alvin] Hey, how about some respect?

Yeah, come on!
That... that's not easy.

I'd like to see you try
some of those moves up there.

[music from Swan Lake]

[Chipmunks] Yes! Woohoo!

[Alvin]
I'm glad you could all join me today.

First position.

Okay, let's open those hips.

Shoulders back.

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪