01x08 - Clowning Around/Bully for You

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Watch out
'Cause here we come ♪

♪ It's been a while
But ♪

♪ We're back with style
So ♪

♪ Get set
To have some fun ♪

♪ We'll bring you action
And satisfaction ♪

♪ We're the Chipmunks ♪

♪ Alvin, Simon, Theodore ♪

♪ Doo Doo
Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo ♪

♪ Doo Doo
Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo ♪

[♪♪♪]

[growling]

I'm a monster!

Did I scare you, Dave?

Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Absolut-- Really scared.

[growling]

[hissing]

[giggling]

[growling]

Oh, no!

Whoa, I don't
know when

I've been
so scared, Theodore.

Yes! I scared him.

[video game beeping]

Boo!
Uh! Theodore!

Get out of the way!

Did I scare you?

Unh, no.

But you did manage
to ruin my score.

Now I have
to start all over.

You weren't even
a little scared?

Theodore,
I'm more scared

of toothpaste
than I am of you.

Toothpaste?

Alvin,
that hurt his feelings.

Well, better that
than lying to him.

I am not going
to give him

false hope
and phony praise.

There's nothing wrong with
boosting his confidence.

Especially when he's
auditioning for the monster

in the Halloween
town play tomorrow.

What?
He's gonna be horrible.

Perhaps, but there's nothing
we can do about that.

Oh, yes there is.

We'll show him
what true fear is.

That way, he will
be able to act it out.

Well,
that's just a terrible idea.

Ha, trust me.

We show Theodore how to
truly scare someone

by using him
as the example.

It's like that
old fishing metaphor.

Um, um,
teach a man

to fish
and he can fish.

What?

No, no, um, no.

Exactly.

Let's go!

Uh, Alvin!

Turn off your
electronics!

There is a new thing,
it's called the energy crisis!

What would you guess are
Theodore's biggest fears?

I don't know.

Ha, ha, well,
luckily, I do.

Coming in at number four,
spiders.

Number three, big dogs.

Number two, The Brady
Bunch theme song.

And Theodore's
number one fear...

Clowns! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

[screams]

Alvin, no!

You almost gave me
a heart attack!

I can't imagine what you'll
do to poor Theodore.

Believe me,
he'll thank us later.

And to add just
a little more scare,

I'm gonna say the line
from that scary movie.

[THEODORE]
Is everything okay?

Oh, here he comes.
Alvin, no!

I heard a little
girl screaming.

I've got you now,
you little balloon!

[laughing]

Hey. I said, I've got you now,
you little balloon!

[laughing]

Okay,
come on, Theodore.

You gotta admit,
that was scary.

Theodore?

What did you do?

I don't know!

Theodore? Theodore?
Theodore? Theodore?

[snapping fingers]

He's frozen
in fear, Alvin!

How does that even happen?

You made his nervous
system shut down.

Well, turn it
back on.

Uh. It doesn't work
like that, Alvin!

Oh, boy.

Hey, Theodore.
You okay, buddy?

[DAVE]
Dinner, fellas!

Oh, no!
You gotta help me, Simon!

What are we
gonna tell Dave?

Whoa.

Interesting choice
of wardrobe, Theodore.

Uh, he can't talk
right now, Dave.

Yeah, he's doing
a school study on-- On, um...

Uh, the Himalayan monks,
who interestingly

have taken
a vow of silence.

And stillness.

And not eating.

Uh, fasting, fasting.

Right, definitely fasting.

Okay, um, how long
does this study last?

Who knows, Dave.

Those Himalayan monks
are a dedicated bunch.

Well,
can't go on too long.

Theodore's got
his audition tomorrow.

We know.
We know.

Hey, you like bubbles,
right, Theodore?

Bubble, bubble,
bubble, bubbles. Yay!

[SIMON] Alvin!
Don't forget to wash his belly button.

I got it.

[yawning]
Well, good night, guys.

[sighs]

Theodore, please.

Clowns don't
come out in the dark.

That's right!

No clowns, no clowns
in the dark.

So, knowing that, any way
we could turn the light off?

Oh, this is gonna
be a long night.

[imitating train]

Come on, Theodore.

Open wide for the choo-ga
choo-ga choo-choo train.

[train whistles]

You have won a free trip

on the Happy Express
to Awesome Town.

All right, how about you, sonny?

No, no, no.

Take your caboose
and get out of here.

I said, how about you, sonny?

Oh, fine.

Ha, great!

All aboard.

Next stop, Awesome Town!
[train whistles]

♪ Where rainbows
And giggles ♪

[laughing]

♪ Wash your fears away ♪

This is humiliating.

Well, unless you have
a better idea, just sing!

Oh.

♪ I know you're blue
But it's time that we go ♪

♪ We're heading out
We're leaving town ♪

♪ Off to a place
Almost nobody knows ♪

♪ So pack your stuff
The magical bus is ♪

♪ Rollin' out ♪

♪ And we got a ticket ♪

♪ Awesome Town ♪

♪ We're coming your way ♪

♪ Cotton candy clouds
And gumdrops ♪

♪ Raining down
On Awesome Town, oh ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Go to the place where
All your dreams come true ♪

♪ Where all your dreams
Come true ♪

♪ Do, do, do
Rainbows ♪

♪ Don't even make
The color blue ♪

♪ Color blue ♪

♪ Yes, it's true ♪

♪ Us and you ♪

♪ Let's all dance like it's
Our last chance, yeah ♪

♪ Awesome Town is
Calling out your name ♪

Yeah, "Awesome Town"
ain't cuttin' it.

Uh, his audition
is in an hour!

We'll have to try
something more extreme.

Oh, extreme, coming up.

Okay, Theodore.
Um, Comfy?

Okay, I'll take
that as a yes.

I'm gonna launch
you out of the vacuum

and you can stop me
whenever you want.

Just say the word.

[♪♪♪]

[soft thudding]

What was that?

School work, Dave!

Just super
important school work.

Oh, what's next?

[♪♪♪]

Okay, Theodore.

Now, I'm about to
catapult you into the air.

Again, you can stop
me at any moment.

Just say the word.

Any word.

Anything.

Nothing?

Wait!

Come back!
Come back!

Hey, Theodore, are you ready
for your audition?

And interrupt your busy day? Not
a chance.

We'll take him, Dave.

[ALVIN]
Uh. Look at him.

The only part
Theodore could get

is Frightened
Lady Number Two.

[WOMAN]
Theodore Seville?

Okay, champ.
That's you.

Go get 'em!

Ahh, he is doomed.

Hello,
we're over here.

Well,
this is a disaster.

Very creepy.

Ooh,
you said it.

Not what
I had in mind

for the monster,
but it is working.

I'm sure scared.

Theodore,
congratulations.

You have the part
of the monster.

What?
What?

You did it,
Theodore!

Theodore?

Ted? Hello?

All I wanted to do

was teach my brother
how to be scary,

and now he's a zombie.

[honking]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[grunting]

We are not
your little balloons.

Do you understand me?

Huh?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Look kid, I'm just a person
trying to make kids smile.

It's for a birthday party.

Oh, Theodore,
you're unfrozen.

Huh? What happened?

Um,
it's very complicated.

Wait, did I miss
my audition?

No, you didn't, pal.

In fact, you got
the part of the monster!

I did?

Turns out,
you can be terrifying

when you want to be.

I can?

Oh, yeah!
You scared me, Simon,

the casting director,
and even that clown!

I-I scared a clown?

He was afraid of me?

Pretty sure he peed
his pantaloons.

Yeah, um,
about that, Theodore.

You should probably
apologize to him.

Hello!

Uh, clown!
Aah!

Excuse me.
Aah!

Wait a sec!

I've created a monster.

Oh, you created
something,

but it's definitely
not a monster.

Hold on! Mr. Clown!

Don't be afraid!

Stop! I just wanna hug you!

[DAVE]
Hurry up, Simon!

Coming, Dave!

[groaning]

[screams]

[glasses crunch]

Oh.

Oh, I see you found my ball.

Sorry, Simon.

Thank you, Alvin.

Now, let's see,
where did I put the...?

Yep.
I've got your old pair, Simon.

Wouldn't wanna lose those.

[giggling]

Dave, no. No, no.
I can't wear these.

Yeah, I get it.

Dave, please tell them
to put a rush on a new pair.

[bell rings]

[chuckles]

Hey, weirdo.

Cool glasses.
[bullies laugh]

Yeah, yeah, what?

Yeah, what, ya borrow them from
a circus monkey or something?

Ha, ha. That's very clever.

And they said Neanderthals

didn't have a sense of humor.

[screaming]

Do you think we could
make it back in time

for the science test?

If these bullies
want trouble,

they've come
to the right place.

I've got three moves
for these guys.

The face attack,
the flying wedgie

and the old tied laces.

I don't know, Alvin.
I-- Eesh.

If that doesn't work, it's only
gonna make things worse.

If that doesn't work?
These are my go-to moves.

Observe.

Hey, Simon,
guess who's got your new--

[Alvin & Dave screaming]

What in the world
are you--?

Whoa!
[glasses crunch]

Glasses.

Alvin!

You're grounded
for the entire week.

[THEODORE]
No! Alvin was just trying

to protect Simon from
the bullies at school.

That's no excuse.

Wait, what? Bullies?

Ugh, I want all their names

so I can call their parents.

Oh, no.
If Dave gets involved,

Simon'll be picked
on even more.

I'll call.

[phone rings]
I'll get it!

Hey, Simon.
This is Derek, the bully.

I apologize, blah, blah, blah.

We're good,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Make sure Dave believes you,
blah, blah, blah, blah.

Well, hello, Derek.

What a pleasant surprise.

It's Derek, the bully.

You want to apologize to me?

That's so nice.

It'll never happen again?

Aw, Derek, that's great news.

No, no, you're the cool one.

No, you're cool.

See ya, Derek.

Derek? is that your name?

[gulps]

Uh, yeah. Um. Derek.
Derek, yeah.

I'm Simon's father.

And well I just want to say,

it takes a big person
to admit when they're wrong.

Uh, yeah, sorry, yeah.

[phone beeps off]

Well, I'm glad that's settled.

But if anyone gives
you any more trouble, you make--

Trouble?
Ha, ha.

Dave, don't be silly.

Those days are so over.

[♪♪♪]

♪ He's a mean machine ♪

♪ Things are on his mind ♪

♪ His mind,
His mind, his mind ♪

♪ He's aiming straight
For your heart ♪

♪ Got it in his sight,
His sight ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Don't you sleep tonight ♪

♪ Don't even blink your eyes ♪

♪ Eyes, eyes ♪

♪ 'Cause when he comes for ya ♪

♪ He comes with all his might ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Born a lion ♪

♪ Hungry for blood ♪

♪ Gonna hunt you down ♪

♪ No crying ♪

♪ Lock up your heart
'Cause he's coming to town ♪

♪ To town, to town ♪

[music fades out]

Hey, Simon.
Your new glasses came.

Oh, great! Thanks, Dave.

Have a good day!

Huh?
Huh?

Simon, what are you doing?

You've got your good glasses.

It's the principle
of the thing.

I should be free
to walk the streets

or school halls
without being picked on,

no matter what
my glasses look like.

Uh-huh. And how's that
working for ya?

Well, well, well.

Simon, get behind me.

I'll give 'em the face attack,

and the flying wedgie!

I appreciate the support,

but I won't need your help.

Observe.

Fellas,
meet Comma Conquistadore!

'Kay. Uh, hold on.

Might take a minute.
Come on.

[mechanical buzzing]

Wait. What is it called?

Um, Comma Conquistadore.

What? What kinda
weird name is this?

Um, I don't know.

Uh, call him cupcake.

What? No, no.

Don't-- Don't call him cupcake!

Con-Cuisinart?
Never mind, never mind.

The name's not important.

I want me some cupcake.

Oh, no. Not gonna happen!

[all scream]

That's right! And there's more
where that came from!

Well, that-- Ahh!

What is that?

My bodyguard.

Put him down!

Hey, check it out.
It's him! It's him!

Boy, Simon, all the bullies
are afraid of you.

[BOY]
Ah! Hey, stop. Come on, man!

But they're still
picking on the other kids.

Something has to be done.

[THEODORE]
Whoa. Why can't Alvin do this? Ah!

Because Dave grounded me
for the whole week.

Theodore,
just remember your line,

and you'll be fine.

[theodore groans]

Oof! I-I got it.

Oh, man! I wish I could
see Conquister's moves.

No.
What?

Con-- What is it?
Con-quasters?

Quinquasters?
Conquoisters?

Conquistadore!

Whatever.
What does he actually do?

Absolutely nothing.

Wait.
Nothing, as in nothing?

Exactly.

Not even
a flying wedgie?

[SIMON]
Nothing!

Hoo! My ball now.

Go on, get out of here.
Losers.

Just wait behind the tree,

until I need you.

[THEODORE]
I got it, I got it!

Well, hello, guys.
[all gasp]

He has a crazy robot.

Listen, I would
love you to read

a little synopsis
I've written.

It's rough, granted, uh...

It's all about bullies
and why they,

well, you,
act the way they do.

It's kind of a fascinating,
uh, topic really.

Anyway, my hope is that,
you know,

you might consider changing.

Huh. And what if we don't?

You gonna send
Cupcake after us?

His name is not Cupcake!

And, in a word, yes.

Because while you've
been standing here,

he's scanned your retina,

downloading your personal data.

Where you live,
what you like to eat,

and when your mommy
tucks you into bed at night.

Are you kidding?
I'm not reading this junk.

I don't read!

[clears throat]

[THEODORE]
Yeah. Take your stupid pamphlet!

Comma Conquistadore, engage!

Oh, no! I'm melting!

[Theodore makes
gurgling noises]

[bullies clamoring]

We'll read the papers!
We'll read the papers!

[BULLY] He says bullies
don't want people

to know how weak
they feel inside

so they act "tuff"--
Tough, dang it, tough.

What are you lookin' at?

Ah! You got mustard in my eye!
So look at this.

He says there's a little broken
person inside of every bully.

Aww. Just breaks your heart,
doesn't it?

He's saying I'm broken?

Oh, oh, oh.
I'll show him broken.

I eat cupcakes
for breakfast!

[whimpering]

Um, okay, okay.
Here's a thought.

Let me just throw this out.

I'm spit balling,
but you'll get the idea.

Uh, guys, you're not
really paying attention.

Am I speaking loud en--

Ugh! Got a fly in my mouth.

Hold on.

[spitting]

Anyway, the point is,
guys, that bullies are created.

They're-- They're not born.
We-- It's a learned trait.

[spits]

Perhaps you guys
were bullied yourselves.

You guys,
we can totally stop this

if we all stand together.

Strength in numbers!

Strength in numbers!

Whoo! Yeah!

Okay.

[Simon screaming]

[Theodore & Eleanor scream]

Okay, that's my house.

Oh, okay, there.
Just drop me off.

Um, uh, yeah.
That's fine.

We'll just...
go around again.

I'll help you make
another cupcake, Simon.

Me too.
But, um, I get to name him.

Ugh! It's not about
Comma Conquistadore.

It's that I thought
I could make a difference.

Make kids kinder
to one another.

Ugh, but I guess this
is just the way it is.

Not such a big man without
your cupcake, are you?

Fine. You can
hurt me all you want.

But you know what?
I feel sorry for you, Derek.

Ha, ha, ha. Simon,
you are gonna be feeling

all kinds of sorry after
I'm done with you.

Hold it right there, mister!

I'm only gonna say this once.

Before I release...

the face attack!

Or the flying wedgie!

Ha, ha.
Oh, you're gonna stop me?

Yeah, he is, and me too.

And, uh,
count us in too.

Come on, you guys, remember,
strength in numbers.

John, get over here!

[crowd yelling]
Yeah, us too!

That's right!
And me!

Look, can I be real?

I'm so tired of feeling small.

Put him down!

[crowd yelling]

Whatever.
You guys can have him.

Woo! Okay!

Who's up for a party
at our place?

[crowd cheering]

Would you, uh,
care to join us?

Wait, what?
Why are you being nice to me?

Because I want
to be a better person,

and I don't think you really
want to be that mean.

Hey, man, I'm so sorry
about your robot.

It was so cool.

As I was beating it up,

I was like,
"ah, this is a shame!"

Well, well, thanks.
Thanks.

Apology accepted.

Hey, uh, why don't
I give you a ride home?

On your bike?

Heh, heh.
On the front.

Oh, ha-ha.
Well, then count me in.

♪ Doo Doo
Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo ♪

♪ Doo Doo
Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo ♪

♪ Doo Doo
Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo ♪