03x04 - Sort of Married

[bunniefuu]

[sirens wailing]

[horns blaring]

And what
about marriage?

What about marriage?

Aqsa if you...

if you...

then you should...

if...

What do you
want me to say?

Aqsa:
Mom, I need you
to understand

I'm not marrying Izzy
because I'm pregnant.

What other reason is
there to marry a person?

Love?

You don't love
each other?

I'm about to lose
autonomy over my body

so can we just pause
on giving me away

in freaking matrimony?

If you do not
marry Ismail,

this baby
will be...

undocumented.

I don't think that's
the right word.

The baby will
not be accepted.

By who?

Aqsa, are you so ignorant of
how this world of ours works?

Bye.

Elope. Do whatever.

But just do it.

For the sake
of the child.

Please.

I don't know what
to say again.

I get a bad feeling

when I think about doing
it for this reason.

How you feel
doesn't matter.

Yeah, it never
f*cking seems to!

This child belonging to
its people is what matters!

Mom, can we chill?

Hm.

What's that smell?

A mother's pain.

Sorry.

I, um, I lit the sage
stick in my room

and then realized I had
nothing to put it out in.

So, ignore me.

[7ven coughing]


Sorry, oh my God.

Um...

[soft electronica music]

Good morning, babe.

Hey, hey, knocking
is a thing.

Sorry, sorry. Ohmygosh.

How'd you sleep?

I slept so bad!

We're roommates!

I'm so pumped!

[7ven knocks]


Can I come in?

Yes.

[7ven squealing]

I'm so happy!

Ah, I'm so happy!

It feels so right!

You and me
finally together!

We're like...

we're like...

I can't think of a famous
duo that applies to us.

Why did you decide
this was okay?

You were right.

Um, it kinda
made sense.

Oh!
-Oh my God!

Let's go to
work together!

Let's get caffeine!

Ugh, you wanna add
caffeine to this?

Get changed.

♪ Beautiful Dreamer

♪ won't you
come and play ♪


Pregnant Aqsa.

So joyful!

So bleak.

It's totally
both of those.

There's gonna
be a beebee

and we're gonna
be aunties.

Joyful.

Bleak because I feel
sad for the world

when people as cool as
Aqsa become normies.

It's an unplanned pregnancy

so that's still cool.

True.

I'm so worried
it's gonna like,

divide Aqsa and
my mom forever.

Can I just point out

that I didn't make this
convo about me once?

Congrats.

♪ Save yourself
for another

♪ Beautiful Dreamer ♪

Hey.

It's gonna be fun.

Where are we going?

[gentle music]

Okay, okay, okay.

Instructor:
Who's ready to
ride the wheel?

Okay, so you've got
your clay and, uh-

Oh, we know what
we're doing.

All right, have at it.

Hey, I wonder if Demi Moore-

Don't make a 'Ghost' joke.

Okay.

[on phone] Deenzie:
Buenos morning, y'all!

Dad, you don't have
to be on this call.

Enjoy your vacation.

Where's he at?

Costa Rica.

[on phone] Deenzie:
I will always be there
for monthly Monday.

Violet, where we at?

About to go over
customer feedback.

[on phone] Deenzie:
Got it.

Sabi, kick us off.

Aqsa's pregnant.
I'm processing.

[on phone] Deenzie:
That's great!

I mean, is it?

It is, um, but it's also,
like, kinda complicated.

The whole not being married
thing is breaking my mom.

[on phone] Deenzie:
Yeah, I actually get that.

When I got knocked up,

Wolf's dad and I
had a civil union.

Felt like we needed a ritual
to kinda join us as a family.

Ah, did it?

[on phone] Deenzie:
It wasn't legally binding,

but it changed the way we
were, like, seen by our people.

Oh my gosh!

Guaro time!

Yes, si, si, si,
I'm coming!

I'm coming! I'm coming!
I'm coming! I'm coming!

I gotta go.

Izzy:
How would that even work?

Sabi:
We just take some
pics and video,

Mom gets to tell
everybody you got married.

OhmyGod, we'll
get all dressed up

and our template will be
Connie Corleone's wedding.

Satin, silk, violence,
and la busta!

Is a garter too patriarchal?

Their people don't do that.

Sorry, that was
culturally insensitive.

Izzy:
What and-and no
family there?

Well, we gotta probably
make it look like you did it

without mom knowing
otherwise she'll get grief

for letting you get
married this way.

Why should we do this?

Well, for Mom.

We'll have mehndi,

and I totally have the perfect
mirror for the Arsi Mushaf

and OMG I'm gonna check
in on renting an elephant!

Aqsa:
Are you serious?

Ugh.

[soft music]

The elephant was too much?

Hm, yeah, the
elephant was too much.

[upbeat music]

♪ Go on take up
space in my head

♪ Make a mess now ♪

No, the issue isn't the
number of claims submitted.

It's if you-
[door knocking]

Uh, one sec.

Helloooo.

Sorry, Klaus, my sibling
just dropped in.

Do you mind if I put you
on mute for a second?

I'm fine.

Sabi:
Hey, I um,

I just wanted to check in.

Are you gonna try
to convince me

to do this sham
wedding thing?

No, um, I'm like
seriously here

'cause I know how messed
up all of this is

and how out of control I
would feel if I were you.

Okay.

Thanks.

[gentle music]

Do you know what I was
weirdly thinking about today?

Remember when we were
trying to explain

what camping was to Dad?

Oh my God.

[imitating Imran] "Oh,
we moved from Pakistan

"so you wouldn't have
to live like this.

"Now you want to do
this for fun, huh?"

They went through
a bit with us.

Well, hey, I mean,

I was harder for
them than you were.

You were more
of a mind-f*ck,

but I wasn't easy.

Can I say something?

Mm-hmm.

I see how much sh*t you
handle 'cause of who you are

and I know what I get away
with 'cause of who I am

or like how I'm
perceived or whatever.

And now Dad is gone

and there's still some
weird expectation for you

to be this like
good Paki girl.

But in spite of what
you've done for this fam,

you can never
be a good girl.

You will always be a slutty,
pregnant-out of-wedlock,

wild-a*s woman who
cannot be domesticated.

Ah, thank you
for saying that.

This child's gonna
bring some joy I hope.

Yeah, that would be nice.

'Kay. If I do this,

get fake married
or whatever,

let's not pretend it's
not what it is, okay?

Which is a firewall
to protect Mom

and whoever is inside me

against the ridiculousness
of this world.

Gotcha.

Okay.

I have to get
back to work.

All marriage is
fake anyways.

Oh, nice.

Life is a big empty
void and then you die.

Paul:
I've been going
to meetings again.

Food stuff?

Has it been bad?

Problematic for sure.

For how long?

Ever since you went
into the hospital.

I've been sharing at the
meetings and it feels weird.

How's it going?
-We're good.

Okay.

Ah, what have you
been sharing?

Mostly stuff around us.

[soft hip hop music]


You gotta look at these
nikah flower sculptures

I found on Etsy.

You need to tamp
yourself down,

it's a fake wedding.

It can't feel too real.

Aqsa doesn't want that.

She wants to be
celebrated though.

Everybody does.

Not everybody.

While I applaud the level of
sensitivity you are exhibiting,

y'all's limited perception
of the label of marriage

is your own sh*t.

Now, rose petals
I'm thinking-

I don't know how you
manage to do that.

You're being, like, so positive
about something so fake.

Yeah, sure.

It's a wretched institution
about ownership

and possibly the end
of voluntary affection.

But you know what
else marriage is?

Whatever you make it.

♪ Whatever you make it, mm ♪

No rose petals though.

♪ Beautiful Dreamer

♪ Won't you
come and play ♪

I can't believe
this is happening.

But it is.
And it's beautiful.

Shut up.

Think of the story you'll be
able to tell little 7ven Junior.

Aw!

Okay, so you're just
gonna go to camera here

and then video is here.

Got it.

Yeah, yeah.

Why do I feel like, ah,
throwing up right now?

Aqsa:
What if Mom finds
out this is a sham?

I think she's gonna
know it's a sham

just like
everyone else will

but none of them
will dare admit it.

You think so?

Sabi:
Oh yeah.

Oh my God, remember
Memoona's ab*rtion

and her mom told everyone
it was a miscarriage

but then no one
really bought it

and no one really
said anything?

Same thing.

Memoona's ab*rtion story
always made me feel hopeful.

Sabi:
Me too.

Welcome back.

Good job on your vases.

The first firing was fine.

Which dildo
is your dildo?

Oh, mine's the good one.

Bessy:
Oh, well you wouldn't know
a good one if you sat on it.

Paul:
Is it hard to imagine
a straight cis man

recognizing an
effective sex toy?

Ooh.
-Please, come in.

Like, I-I feel
fine in my head

but my body is jumping
out of the plane.

All right, let's get your
anxiety outta your body.

Talk it out, you know,
just start talking.

Izzy:
Mm, mm-hmm, no I
mean I, I, I had a,

oh, I had a simple life.

Well, I-I-I would go
to work and be happy

and then I would come home
and get high and be happy.

And now, now,
I'm gonna be a dad

with a woman who is just...

way out of my league.

Izzy, you're a
significantly solid catch.

Wait, so-so-so-so
Aqsa's not outta my league?

Aqsa's kind of outta
everybody's league.

Aqsa:
I need to know that
Izzy looks good.

What do you think he's
wearing right now?

He's always a smoke show.

Tiger of Sweden I think.

Okay, good.

And everything's
been arranged, yeah?

In terms of...?

You paid an event
fee or whatever?

There's a certain area
that's been reserved for us?

If you made me get
wedding-ed up for nothing

I am going to m*rder you.

Bessy:
Your dildo has
too much girth.

Yeah, but look
at my curvature.

Yeah, but your
girth is garbage.

I don't think my
girth is garbage.

Look at my girth.

Look at it.

It's elegant.

Your girth is obscene.

Be honest with yourself.

Honestly?

I like us saying the word
girth over and over again.

Hey.

Yeah?

I'd like to ask you to share,

like you would at
your meetings?

On what topic?

Maybe what it
was like for you

when I was in the hospital?

You know, I don't
really have a,

a sense.

Um...

When I first got the call
that you were non-responsive

they asked me all these
questions about you.

I didn't know the answers
to a whole bunch of stuff.

I felt like I was
disappointing you?

Izzy:
No, no, no, no.

I can't do this.

I can't do this!

How am I gonna do this?

I am gonna disappoint her
over and over and over

until she realizes that-that
she is too good for me!

Okay, you're just
jumping a smidge

too far ahead
in the timeline.

Let's just come back
to right now, okay?

Aqsa:
Okay, this is what
we're gonna do.

Get ten pics in
front of the castle

and one video of the two of
us in front of the barns

feeding each other cake
and then we're out, got it?

Got it.

Where's Izzy?

♪ Here goes nothin',
I am doin' something ♪
[Izzy panting]

In for a count of four.

Oh God!

Oh, oh, oh God!

OhmyGod, I think
I'm gonna pass out.

♪ Emotion peeling
off my sweater ♪

Hey, what is happening?!

I don't know if
he can do this.

Oh God! Oh God!

You cannot leave my
sister at the altar.

Castle. Whatever.

Izzy:
Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!

Sabi:
It's a fake wedding, Iz.

You already got
her real pregnant.

You kinda did the part
you can't come back from.

Sabi, I have loved Aqsa
since before I can remember.

Okay, so what is the problem?

She really didn't see
me in a romantic way

until your dad died.

And now she is knocked up

and she keeps getting pushed
into this corner and I...

how do I even know
if she likes me?

She loves you and
all marriage is fake

and marriage is this, like,
totally wretched institution

that's all about
ownership and is, like,

the end of
voluntary affection.

But you wanna know
what else it is?

Whatever you make it.

That was your
marriage pep talk?

Wow.

Okay, yeah, I wanna
be alone forever now.

[soothing music]

It did sound better
when 7ven said it.

Paul:
When I found out you were
on an antidepressant

I felt angry with
myself because...

what was it about me

that made you feel you
couldn't tell me that?

Then we weren't
sure whether or not

you were ever gonna
be functional again.

I felt deeply powerless.

But also, in-in
case you got better,

I had this fantasy that our
relationship would become like,

radically honest?

Where you could literally
tell me anything

and I could tell
you anything...

without fear the other
would bail on the other.

I'm impressed with
your curvature.

It is satisfying, isn't it?

Aqsa:
Izzy, what the serious f*ck?!

He's concerned that,
um, you don't love him

as much as he loves you.

Did I say that okay?

That's pretty accurate.

Aqsa:
Izzy! I am having
a baby with you!

What more of a declaration
of love do you need?

Sorry, I'm-I'm just like
freaking out right now.

Do you need me to propose?

[thunder rumbles]

Ugh, oh my God, I can't
believe I'm doing this.

Okay, um, Izzy Shak,

will you fake marry me?

Oh sh*t!

I'm sorry, I know that you're
probably freaking out too.

I am completely losing it.

So please let's get this sh*t
going before we get arrested.

[upbeat music]


rose petals ready.

[7ven squealing]

[thunder rumbles]

Sabi, take the umbrellas!

Okay, okay, give me a second.


Wedding day rain,
it's good luck my baby.

Sabi:
How do I even close mine?


Get in front of the flowers.

[people clamouring]

Get in there.

Throw it up in the air
and let it cascade down.

Izzy:
Are you taking the photos?

Yes.
-Okay, there we go.

Slow it down.

How do you put it
on video mode?

Are you kidding?

I forgot.

Sorry, sorry, there.

[people clamouring]

Yes, we're getting
the flowers, geez.

Okay, oh my God!

[upbeat music]
[rain pattering]

♪ Go on take up
space in my head ♪

We love you, Mom.
[camera clicking]

Oh my God, pack up! Pack up!
[people clamouring]

Hey! You got a permit?

We have to go!

Security:
You can't be here.

I will call the police.


Get outta here!

It's a public space, sir!

Sabi:
I'm so sorry.



We have to run!
Come on, guys!

This cake is so heavy!

Let's go!

Suck it!

♪ Go on take up space in
my head, make a mess now ♪

Hey.

What?

You got through an
incredibly difficult time

and you got our
kids through it,

and you were there for me

and you let a hard
time make you... softer.

And I think that's
kind of exceptional.

Thank you for saying that.

But I think our
pottery days are over.

Seriously?

I was kind of
getting back into it.

[soothing music]

Shehraz:
So, they eloped?

Sort of like that, yeah.

Casa Loma?

Something like that.

Classy.

I would've liked to have seen
my daughter getting married.

I'll share it
with the family?

Haan, teekh hai.

[on video] Aqsa:
We love you, Mom.

[soft upbeat music]

Oh my God,
this is so good.

Oh my God, that's [laughs]-

[laughing] Oh my God!

[soft upbeat music]

That's so mean!

Yeah, you deserved it!
-Oh yeah I did.

Aqsa:
Oh, that cake was so good.

Izzy:
I know, they did, oh no!
[Izzy laughing]

[soft upbeat music]

[on video] Aqsa:
We love you, Mom.

I can't believe I'm real
crying about a fake wedding.

♪ It's just imaginary

♪ Feels like something
left behind, deja vu ♪

♪ Feels like something
left behind, deja vu ♪

♪ Deja vu ♪

♪ Feels like something
left behind, deja vu ♪

♪ Deja vu ♪

♪ Feels like something

♪ left behind, deja vu ♪

♪ Left behind, deja vu ♪

[pleasant music continues]

♪